TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: Ruth is shedding horribly and she’s going to get sheared here, I think. I’ve been brushing her and there is just tons of fur.

MOTHER: Oh, my goodness. She is shedding.

CLIENT: You’re not sleeping in your little house?

MOTHER: Well, Kevin, you’re going to have to find somewhere else to sit, apparently. [00:00:59]

CLIENT: Can I sit on the little mat? (pause)

MOTHER: Did you see my boots?

FATHER: I did. I assumed you had those.

MOTHER: Yep. Saver’s yesterday. $7. Three years ago when I bought my Ugg snow boots, they had those water boots I really loved. I said I can’t do that. I shouldn’t have gotten the Uggs to begin with, but I love them. [00:02:06] So it’s been three years that I’ve wanted them. That’s so sinful. You can’t find a brand on them.

FATHER: Are they lined or anything?

MOTHER: They’re thick leather.

CLIENT: I was just thinking of you today. I’ve actually been thinking about you a lot.

FATHER: In fact, he just got done thinking about you.

THERAPIST: Yeah, whenever I get in the bathroom it’s just like God . . . No. Two different occasions this week when I thought of you. Earlier today, as you see, Ruth has been shedding so I had her in my lap and I had her brush for an entire session. This is not even close to how much is in there. I was thankful that it was coming out, so I’m going through with that comb, which is really a pretty good comb. [00:03:04] And for a while, she was like “this is pretty cool.” And then I started taking fur out of her tail and stuff. “No.” And I’m like, “Yeah.” “No.” I’m like, “This reminds me of Kevin. I get a lot of fur out of her and finally she bites me. “You want another round to show Kevin? You want to demonstrate with Kevin.” This is just you. People want to do something good for you so you don’t make a mess everywhere, and then we’re brushing you and I’m trying to get you headed down the right path and they bite us. That’s my first Kevin epiphany today. It’s like, “I’ve got to tell Kevin about that.” If I brush her, she looks really nice, doesn’t she? [00:04:01]

MOTHER: It’s funny how she’s sitting.

THERAPIST: We call this sitting at the bar.

CLIENT: Or passed out at the bar.

THERAPIST: Yeah, that’s exactly right. She and her kitten both do this. They both sit like this. It’s weird. And they both go after your buttons. Bob has never seen Ruth do that. It just really suggests a predisposition.

MOTHER: So your other cat is named Bob?

THERAPIST: Bob, yep, from Minecraft. Bob is from Minecraft.

CLIENT: That’s what Albert named his cow.

THERAPIST: That’s Bob’s dog, yeah.

MOTHER: Seriously?

THERAPIST: Yeah, Bob.

[ ] (crosstalk at 00:04:29)

MOTHER: Look at that.

THERAPIST: It’s ridiculous.

FATHER: It’s too bad she doesn’t have any trust. (laughs)

THERAPIST: I get that brush out, man, and she’ll be running.

FATHER: That’s probably what she saw.

THERAPIST: She knows it’s good because she sits there and likes it for a while. And then you start brushing things she doesn’t like and she wants to bite. I’m like, “No, you can’t.” She actually bit me for real. (laughs) I have a little scratch here. She’s never done that. I thought Kevin, when he’s here that’s what we’re doing. You just have to remember we’re brushing you for a reason. [00:05:10]

Now the more horrifying story I had this week, was I had a young man in here that was about two years out of high school; and oh, my God, did he remind me of you. I just thought I’m going to really think through how we avoid this problem with you. The parents were telling me how he had gotten to high school and everything. They couldn’t tell him anything and they had to follow him around all the time and make sure he did everything. Then he got into college and would you like to guess his grade-point average for the first semester?

CLIENT: Probably good.

THERAPIST: I bet you couldn’t. Think low. Think below one.

CLIENT: Really?

THERAPIST: Yes. Think of below one, actually. That is correct. I believe it was a 0.0 the first semester. [00:06:02] I said, “Oh, my gosh. You used to have a zero grade point average?” And the mother said, “Actually, he got an A in bowling.” We talked about what they should have done differently, just to think back and figure it out. That is what we want to avoid with you. I realize we have a few years, but I thought “oh, my gosh” when they were talking about how many disagreements they had in high school and stuff.

MOTHER: Can I have their phone number? (chuckles) I want to talk to them. I’m kidding.

THERAPIST: Yeah, I think you’re heading where I was. They will be saying, “Oh, my gosh. We felt like failures,” but I actually think they did pretty well. I think that young man probably got his back up about some things, like medicine, for example. [00:07:00]

MOTHER: They obviously started a new semester and he’s coming home and doing homework. There’s only one late assignment so for.

CLIENT: And I did it, but I just left the book at home.

MOTHER: On the way in he said, “Yeah, I want to get stuff done.”

THERAPIST: You didn’t have the book?

CLIENT: No, I left it at my house and it had my assignment in it.

THERAPIST: You know what he needs? It’s a little tricky to pull off. He doesn’t have any IAP or anything, right?

MOTHER: Right

THERAPIST: Yeah. He needs a double set of books, if we can get them to do it,

FATHER: But he left his assignment in his book, though. Oops.

CLIENT: I take that book with me everywhere.

THERAPIST: The book is a textbook or a notebook?

CLIENT: It’s a little, small workbook and then there’s a textbook that I also keep in my binder. I haven’t gone to my locker yet at all.

MOTHER: Oh, really?

CLIENT: Yeah, it saves me so much time because I have everything in my binder.

THERAPIST: Yeah, I feel you. That’s a good way to do it. The locker is usually just a problem.

CLIENT: One time I was about to be late to class. I went to my locker and I was just going to cut through the library because there’s a hallway that comes out and then there’s the gym and then there’s a hallway right here and then there’s another door to the gym and then there’s the 6th grade hallway. But there is the library in that box area, so you can just walk right through the library. There was this one teacher’s room and she didn’t have anybody that hour. She was out in the hallway just watching the hallway. There were still people out there so I started to cut through the library. [00:09:02] I’m literally opening the other door onto this side, so I’m about to get out and I’m about to go into math, and she goes, “Kevin, what are you doing?” I said, “I’m just cutting through the library because I’m going to be late.” She goes, “No. You have to come and walk back around.” I was that close to opening the door and getting out. (chuckles)

THERAPIST: And you did it?

CLIENT: Yeah. I had to.

THERAPIST: But you don’t understand that, do you?

CLIENT: No. She said, “We don’t walk through the library.”

THERAPIST: We call this a shortcut. You had the literal version, but the figurative version can be quite a problem sometime.

CLIENT: I was so close.

THERAPIST: Yes.

THERAPIST: 2 Then I was late to the class.

THERAPIST: Well you made a valiant attempt to get there. That is actually such a good metaphor. This is why people speed when they’re driving. When you get this guy driving in the future, be sure you get him one of those Garmin GPS systems for a bunch of reasons. [00:10:00] Even if he’s super good with navigating, which he probably is, if you use it every time it teaches you better than anything the uselessness of speeding because if you’re going to county community college or something and you’re going to be late for class, it doesn’t matter if you go 85 miles an hour. You’re going to get there 90 seconds sooner. You begin to see that actually on the computer and you realize that it’s pointless. It’s surprisingly good cognitive refrain for people. Now if you’re driving from here to Milwaukee, you can actually get there sooner if you speed, but how many times are you going to do that? And how many times do you know, “Oh, my gosh. I only have eight hours and 15 minutes. I’m going to be ten minutes late.” (laughs)

CLIENT: The long drives aren’t as bad anymore because I went to [the lake] (ph?) five times this summer and I learned how to wakeboard and everything. We went down there all the time and last year I chose going to the lake over going canoeing, which I love.

THERAPIST: Canoeing is good, isn’t it?

CLIENT: Yeah. I’ve started to rent my own kayak so I can take my sister on it.

THERAPIST: So you don’t have to ride with mom and dad?

CLIENT: Yeah. Hey – they have the cooler and stuff so I sometimes . . . (laughing)

THERAPIST: Not beer.

FATHER: How do you know?

MOTHER: It’s our cooler. We filled it.

CLIENT: So I come up and I get stuff from them. But I took my sister on the kayak last year.

THERAPIST: It’s a two-person kayak?

CLIENT: It’s a one-person, but she just sits on the back.

THERAPIST: You just ride shallow. You’re not going through rapids or something.

CLIENT: Well, sometimes there are rapids, but not very often.

THERAPIST: My kid wants a kayak. I’m going to have to get one. [00:12:02]

CLIENT: They’re really fun. It’s a lot of exercise, too.

THERAPIST: Yeah, that’s very true, which we can use.

FATHER: But that’s another example of him being with us and kind of doing an off-on-his-own thing.

THERAPIST: That’s kind of a good example, because kayaking lends itself to that, particularly canoeing. You still have to work with the group, but you can also have your . . . Some day you need to go to Milwaukee and take the Milwaukee River Kayak Tour. I kid you not. They start off from right downtown and they kayak with a tour leader up and down the river and they stop and talk about the buildings and everything.

MOTHER: Wow.

CLIENT: That’s cool.

THERAPIST: I’ve seen it several times. You would love it. You have to be good enough at kayaking, but I bet you guys are. It’s not super rigorous. It’s not something I would do for my son’s first kayaking, though he is totally convinced we have to do that the next time we go to Chicago. [00:13:05]

CLIENT: And if you like fishing, too, it’s so much fun. You can go places a canoe wouldn’t be able to go.

THERAPIST: I bet that’s your version of heaven.

CLIENT: Jessica and I were kayaking and we found this little spring on the Black River. People had already started to go there so we turned and then Jessica and I started to go up this spring. It was really shallow water.

FATHER: Freezing cold.

CLIENT: Yeah, freezing cold.

THERAPIST: And her legs are hanging off in it?

CLIENT: She had her legs up like this.

THERAPIST: No doubt.

CLIENT: So we were going up and we found a turtle that was in the water and was missing a leg.

THERAPIST: It’s a rough world out there.

CLIENT: Yeah, and it was so slow. I went up next to it and grabbed it. It was pretty cool. [00:14:00]

THERAPIST: I thought you hated Jessica.

CLIENT: (laughs)

THERAPIST: That’s like a beautiful story of a young man and his sister in nature. I thought it was going to end like, “And then I pushed her off.”

CLIENT: (laughs) I probably would have done that.

MOTHER: No, you’re good in those situations.

CLIENT: In the situations where we’re outside, except at Aunt Mirna’s. That was bad.

FATHER: You get to the point where you’re frustrated with her and you say some mean things, but deep down inside, you love her because [I have such a good story.] (ph?) You go over to her the other day and say “I love you.”

THERAPIST: What prompted that?

CLIENT: (chuckles) I have no idea.

THERAPIST: You were in a random moment of joy?

CLIENT: I guess, yeah.

THERAPIST: Well that’s really nice, man.

MOTHER: That maybe is a good topic because their relationship is mostly antagonistic of each other. She is as guilty as he is.

THERAPIST: You guys have been fair about that.

CLIENT: I guarantee that she’s a lot more. [00:15:00]

MOTHER: But my point is that neither of them are going to stop antagonizing the other one and so it (cracking noises).

CLIENT: She watches probably eight hours of TV.

MOTHER: An [unearthly] (ph?) amount of time.

CLIENT: Two days.

THERAPIST: Does she watch the Disney channel a lot?

CLIENT: She watches everything. She watches so much. I probably watch eight hours of TV . . .

FATHER: A week.

CLIENT: What? I barely watch TV.

MOTHER: It’s on. She’s doing other things. But the time that she’s watching TV you’re doing . . . THERAPIST: They’re just saying that’s an equivalent entertainment.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Does she have the ADD thing going on?

FATHER: We think she does.

THERAPIST: I think she does.

MOTHER: That’s interesting. We’re kind of wondering.

FATHER: They’re very similar.

THERAPIST: Because the way you always describe them, it’s like there are two ADD people in thing. [00:16:04]

FATHER: She can’t sit still and do something. She can’t sit still and eat. She can’t sit still and work on something. She’s walking around, standing up, she gets up.

MOTHER: And he wasn’t like that, but she is. And we used to think it was cute because when she talks she acts it out. She’s like “I went . . . I ran to the store and I saw a dog. . .” The whole thing was always so cute.

THERAPIST: That’s a great example.

MOTHER: And now we’re like, “Sit down.”

THERAPIST: Does she tell you . . . Does she rarely have a secret? Like everything she thinks comes out of her mouth?

MOTHER: Oh, yes. Nonstop.

THERAPIST: All the time, right.

CLIENT: She’s in that la-la-la not listening phase and “I’m telling” and “that’s a bad word.”

THERAPIST: How old is she?

CLIENT: Eight.

MOTHER: And she also acts younger than her age. [00:17:00]

THERAPIST: Boy, that sounds like the deal, doesn’t it?

MOTHER: We held her back, in fact. She did two years of kindergarten. She’s small.

THERAPIST: How old is she compared to her peers now in her class, younger?

MOTHER: No. She’s older. There are two girls that were held back at the same time, so the other little girl is a little bit older than Jessica, but there is a kid in the class that she’s an entire year older than him. They’re just turning eight where she’s already eight.

THERAPIST: She’ll be 18 or 19 when she graduates.

MOTHER: Her birthday is March 22, so she will . . .

THERAPIST: She’ll still be 18 barely. That’s where it gets dicey is if they’re 19 very long when they’re seniors, it’s harder to keep them in school which is why they don’t hold kids back much anymore.

FATHER: Her birthday is the day before school gets out?

MOTHER: It kind of varies every year, but it’s right at that time.

FATHER: She doesn’t get to celebrate her birthday at school a lot of times. She was super young when she went to kindergarten, so that’s the way it was. [00:18:02]

CLIENT: We wanted her out of the house. (laughs)

MOTHER: No, she’s awesome.

FATHER: By our mistake we let her go for a week to first grade and realized and we took her back. And, of course, everybody else is in the classroom across from her, “Why aren’t you in our class? Why did you go back?” It was a bad decision on our part.

MOTHER: It was the right decision.

THERAPIST: You’ll have an 18-year-old for the whole senior year. That’s where it gets dicey is that last year because they have the power.

CLIENT: In Language Arts today we were talking about how people in high school just drop out, even with the last year. I don’t understand why they would do that when they have one year left.

THERAPIST: We shall hold you to that, most assuredly, as you progress through school.,

CLIENT: I really don’t mind the school, it’s just the work part.

THERAPIST: (laughing) Kevin. I couldn’t have said that better myself. [00:19:01] Love the socialization.

CLIENT: Like today in P.E., I have P.E. first hour and in third hour it feels like the day is almost over because you’re so awake and it’s awesome. It will feel like you’re in sixth or seventh hour in third hour.

THERAPIST: Because you feel tired?

CLIENT: No, no, because I’m wide awake.

FATHER: You could use some endomorphins.

THERAPIST: Oh, because you get the activity at that time. What hour is that?

CLIENT: First. So I get there and I just go straight to gym.

THERAPIST: Well, we have seen that work before. That is probably really good. A lot of times the ADD people aren’t very zippity-do-dah in their first hour of school. They’re kind of out of it, so when you get in there and start playing something – sports or doing something – that’s probably a pretty handy thing. [00:20:05]

MOTHER: I think that worked out well.

CLIENT: Today we played dodge ball, which is my favorite thing to do, one of the best.

THERAPIST: It gets all your aggression out.

CLIENT: Yeah, it really does.

THERAPIST: I know you.

(laughing)

CLIENT: It’s kind of weird because my friend can be standing from that wall to me and he can throw the ball as hard as he can and I can still dodge it. I have cat-like reflexes.

THERAPIST: Well it helps that you’re a fairly small target, too. You’re not big in any direction except up. So okay, I’ve got a couple of questions. You had your medicine break over the holidays, right?

CLIENT: Yep.

MOTHER: I cursed you every single day.

THERAPIST: I’m sure it was painful.

MOTHER: Every day.

THERAPIST: Yeah, you’re going to love me when he can actually function in the semester now. (chuckling)

MOTHER: A weekend? I’m like, “I don’t care what he said, we’re going back on it. I don’t care what he said.” But we didn’t. [00:21:07]

THERAPIST: I understand. I personally, genuinely understand. (laughs)

MOTHER: I know, you’re right. I know. I thought of you.

THERAPIST: Really, when Evan and I go to Disneyworld next month, I will have him dosed just perfectly every day. He has to be dosed low enough that he will be fun and have a good time and not be too serious, and enough that he won’t just be lost. There’s a real sweet spot to hit. So I bet you were kind of annoying.

CLIENT: (chuckles) Yeah, probably.

FATHER: They fought a lot.

THERAPIST: What size patch is he on? I can’t remember.

MOTHER: 30. We’re up to 30. [00:21:58]

THERAPIST: And do you notice the difference that you’re back on it?

CLIENT: Today we forgot to put on the patch.

MOTHER: We?

THERAPIST: You’re off medicine today?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Wow. You’re in pretty good shape.

CLIENT: I didn’t notice the difference. I felt like I was just the same.

MOTHER: I think he’s not feeling . . . he had a canker sore and he’s kind of been tired lately, so I think maybe that helped or something.

CLIENT: I have a big canker sore right on the bottom of my tongue.

THERAPIST: Oh, that’s a bummer. You know what has worked for me with that? Let’s all remember I’m not a tongue doctor, but I’ve been having a couple of those and I seem prone to them and I’ve found this thing they do for dry sockets for people who have their wisdom teeth removed, it seems to work for your tongue if you put some clove on cotton or something and jam it wherever the tongue is.

CLIENT: Really?

THERAPIST: Crazy. It’s really helped me out lately. I just got to thinking, “This hurts and I’m sick of it. What do people put in their mouths for that? Well they use a clove for . . “[00:23:02]

MOTHER: So just ground clove?

THERAPIST: Exactly. It actually tastes kind of good.

MOTHER: I just bought him some medicine today that he said didn’t work at all.

THERAPIST: I didn’t go to any of that stuff and I’ve had two of them in the last month and did that exact thing. I don’t know why, but maybe you should look that up; there’s some reason for it.

MOTHER: I’ll try that.

THERAPIST: You’re a Boy Scout, aren’t you?

CLIENT: I used to be.

THERAPIST: It seems like clove would be good in your pack or something.

CLIENT: You know what I found? You know that old Boy Scout knife that you used to have? It was a long one. It was a single-blade that wouldn’t collapse or anything.

FATHER: I don’t remember it.

CLIENT: I used to take that fishing with me all the time. It used to get rained on and stuff and it was really rusty. It was bent. The other night I took rust remover.

THERAPIST: This is a sharp knife?

CLIENT: No. It wasn’t that sharp at the time.

THERAPIST: Because any time we’re getting anything with rust and a blade, we want to be on medicine. There are too many points of failure.

CLIENT: So I started doing that and then I started sharpening it and it looks brand new now – not brand new, but it looks really cool, I think, and it works. I like it.

THERAPIST: You should be one of those American pickers where they go and find all the old things.

CLIENT: Grandpa pretty much is. I think grandpa is a lot like an American picker.

THERAPIST: So remember, medicine, you aren’t supposed to have a ginormous effect on it. It’s not supposed to knock your socks off, but it’s kind of okay if you don’t notice a huge difference.

CLIENT: I also noticed when I’m with my grandpa and I’m working, don’t you think that I’m a lot better than I am at home? [00:25:01]

THERAPIST: Better in which way?

CLIENT: I act a lot better. We’re moving everything out my dad’s warehouse. This friend is moving into his warehouse and my friend has come with me every single time. My friend has come every single time to help out and all we do is mess around with Sam, which is his employee.

THERAPIST: I think that’s an established fact with this guy, isn’t it? When he’s active and doing something and keeping his mind busy he’s a lot less difficult.

CLIENT: Like when I’m fishing, it’s what I love to do. When I’m hunting I’m not crazy at all because I know that I can’t be or else I’m going to scare something away.

THERAPIST: Isn’t that interesting.

CLIENT: And I have a gun, so I can’t be crazy with that, either.

MOTHER: And you’re medicated.

CLIENT: Not when I’m going hunting, no.

FATHER: I think it’s willy nilly.

THERAPIST: I think it’s almost, in that situation, he’s so intentional in what he’s doing that it’s like the idea meditative state for him. It really is. Whenever you describe it, that’s what it reminds me of. One of the things that’s actually pretty handy for the ADD people – you might want to get into – is doing mindfulness meditation. You have almost your own way of doing it.

CLIENT: Sharpening the knife really helped.

THERAPIST: I get it now. I get it. After you talked about it I got to thinking, yeah, this is relaxing for you and focusing for you. The problem is that frequently, that state will not come about like when you’re trying to do math or sitting in an English class.

CLIENT: It came to me once, and that was just the other day. [00:26:58]

THERAPIST: Oh, yeah? How so? I’d love to know how that happened.

CLIENT: Instead of the time thing, we’re doing it by assignments now, but I can have my phone with me and I’ve gotten everything done so far. I can have homework but it’s not so painful and boring because I still have my phone with me – but I’m still getting all my assignments done.

FATHER: [ ] (inaudible at 00:27:24)

MOTHER: Well, we tried something.

CLIENT: It’s worked.

THERAPIST: Can they trust that you bring all the assignments in?

FATHER: We can go on [Power School] (ph?)

THERAPIST: Is that accurate enough to . . ?

FATHER: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So the thing is you just work until you get them done, even if you get distracted?

CLIENT: Yeah. Well I didn’t get distracted much when I was doing it because I just wanted to get it done. I wanted to stay on top of it and I’ve been trying, actually, really hard to stay on top of it. [00:28:05] I think I’ve been doing pretty well.

MOTHER: Tell him what Candace, Mrs. Adler, said; your math teacher.

CLIENT: (chuckles) Today I forgot my assignment and I said, “I don’t have my assignment. I did it, but I just forgot it at home.” She gives me this look. She said, “Kevin, when you get on top of things the world needs to look out.”

MOTHER: And I took that meaning you’re doing a great job, right?

THERAPIST: I think we’ve had this conversation but I’m blanked out now. What phone are you operating?

CLIENT: iPhone 4.

FATHER: We were going to go into that at one point, different things that we wanted to lock and times it could go on and off.

THERAPIST: Well, yes. That’s doable. Let’s first talk about what good it can do for you. [00:29:06] I once had a client, this was very early in the days of Facebook, and she came in and she was like, “My friend got on my Facebook and changed my status to ‘I’m pregnant.’” She didn’t know that until her minister called her mom. I was like, “Oh, wow. Seems to me like this whole social media thing is a bad idea. Why don’t you get rid of it?” She said, “No, no way. Facebook is like a tool. It’s like a hammer. You can either hit a nail with it or put it in your forehead.” And that’s really pretty true. If you will use your phone well, it can be a great tool for you. For example, if you’ll just take a picture of every assignment you do, then you’ll have it and you can send it to your teacher and you can show her you did it. [00:30:01] We do that all the time. We just e-mail; we get the e-mail addresses. In fact, my daughter submits all of her work by e-mail and so she doesn’t lose things, then she doesn’t have that as an excuse. Now her paper documents, she still does by hand. If she loses something I don’t take any excuse because she has her iPad with her all the time. She can get a picture of it. So if I were you, every time I finished something I would take a picture of it, a nice, clean picture. They need to do a little student improvement stuff with him instead of having to [ ] (inaudible at 00:30:37) an IEP. If they think you’re thinking about an IEP, they’ll get all super helpful and just make it possible for him to submit something by e-mail if he needs to. See if you can get those duplicate textbooks. [00:30:56]

The other part of this, if I were you I would document everything I did. I don’t mean like eating lunch, but any work you’re doing, I would document front and back because you can always delete the photos later if they’re not relevant, but you guys are more interested in selfies than you are using it for something . . .

CLIENT: I don’t ever take selfies.

THERAPIST: What do you take pictures of with your phone?

CLIENT: I take pictures of what I do like hunting, I post pictures of what I shoot; stuff like that.

THERAPIST: Well then you’re in the right mood for this. You just need to take pictures of what you write down because anything you can make use of to make technology help you is good. So you guys want to block some stuff, right? Did you ever find that app?

MOTHER: You know, the [Mobiset] (ph?) or whatever, I did find out and what I was more concerned about – we haven’t put that on. We’re kind of slow at getting this stuff.

FATHER: We have questions, too. We were going to wait until we covered it and make sure that we were able to go through everything. [00:32:09] The app that we liked a lot, you have to break in.

THERAPIST: It’s a jailbreak? I can’t remember what one that was.

MOTHER: I forgot I had these.

THERAPIST: It’s good to have safety glasses when you’re here in case something bad happens.

CLIENT: My mom explodes. (laughs)

MOTHER: It could happen. Teen Safe, I think it is. Those are two different issues. One was Internet stuff, but I’m actually more concerned about the texting.

THERAPIST: Okay, so what is your worry about texting because that’s infinitely more difficult to address.

MOTHER: I don’t know why, but we have not been good at being those monitoring kind of people and we should be because back when he first got his phone we would get calls from friends’ mothers’ saying, “Do you know what your son wrote?” [00:33:07] We haven’t lately so I feel comfortable supporting this outcome.

THERAPIST: I remember that at one point, but I can’t remember what it was you were writing.

FATHER: The language, I think, was raw.

MOTHER: Fighting with friends and using language we don’t even use, that kind of stuff.

THERAPIST: You’re going to be in what grade this fall?

CLIENT: 9th. Freshman.

MOTHER: There have been several phone calls over the years about “this was on Instagram,” “this was this,” that kind of stuff.

FATHER: Facebook. That’s why we got rid of Facebook.

MOTHER: Facebook. And so now with him hitting this age with the hormones and that kind of stuff, there is a lot of secrecy, a lot of locked doors, behind doors, and I’m just very concerned knowing that history whether we’re in the sexting world and that kind of stuff. [00:34:17] We’ve had discussions with him and, at one point, told him that we wanted to get an app that we would be able to see it if we wanted to. I’ve told him over and over that I don’t really want to read your stuff. I really, really don’t, but I think a good parent needs to know what’s going on and if people are calling me, that means I don’t know what’s going on unless somebody tells me. He was okay with it for a while, but then we ran into this jail breaking problem and I didn’t want to jailbreak the phone because I don’t know what that really means.

THERAPIST: It is possible to surveil the phone. I can look up the app to do it. I was kind of surprised at how easy it is to do. [00:35:04] I think you kind of have to think through what’s public and what’s private and have some ethical guidelines around that. I always tell people that the manual that’s not in the box when you get your iPhone is the ethics manual. His ethics will differ slightly from yours, but you’ll have to figure out what is the limits of appropriate use. On all of the public devices or services like Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and all that, I think those should not be private because Facebook and privacy should never be used in the same sentence. What’s weird about kids, and it is so weird. I have my Twitter account that feeds lots of parenting advice out there and it’s so interesting to see the things kids say to one another about how “I hate it when teachers are on Twitter. [00:36:10] It’s like they’re stalking us.” I have bad news for people. That’s not how Twitter works. You don’t have to stalk anybody on Twitter. There it is. They sort of have this idea that it should be private unless they say you can look at it, except that anyone can look at anyone’s Twitter unless it’s protected, unless you turn the protection on. And nobody wants to do that because you’re trying to get more followers and you just don’t want the followers to be your parents. This is just a dumb . . .

FATHER: You don’t get to choose who your followers are?

THERAPIST: No, not on Twitter, unless you turn the protection on and then that person has to grant you permission, but nobody does that. It’s very rare.

CLIENT: I have my own Instagram. I have a private . . .

THERAPIST: You have the privacy thing turned on?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So only people who are your – what are they called? [00:37:01]

CLIENT: Friends.

THERAPIST: They’re friends on Instagram? You can approve them? Okay, so this parent’s app should be on all of your social media. If you’re saying something on social media that your parents can’t read, you shouldn’t say it.

CLIENT: And I don’t because I have my cousins that follow me and Lyla follows me, too.

MOTHER: I thought you took her off because . . .

CLIENT: Oh, that was ridiculous.

THERAPIST: You can block people on Twitter, but that’s considered punching them in the face. It had better be a really good reason.

CLIENT: For ridiculous reasons, her friend’s daughter was following me and I posted an old picture of me at the lake and I said, “Anybody want to come swim?” [00:38:03] I said, “Anybody want to come swim in the bald pool?” and they took a screenshot, sent that picture to my mom, said it was a bad thing to post.

THERAPIST: Were you naked or something?

CLIENT: No.

THERAPIST: What was the problem, by the way?

CLIENT: I have no clue.

FATHER: This doesn’t ring a bell with me at all.

MOTHER: There were two situations and that one. One was you sent somebody a bunch of texts and you were laughing about how you sent them 10,000 characters or something like that and it jammed their phone for three hours. That’s what she was more upset about.

CLIENT: No, it jammed my phone.

MOTHER: Well it said hers and that’s what she was mad about.

FATHER: Well whoever sent it and received it.

THERAPIST: I’ve never heard that one.

MOTHER: On purpose.

CLIENT: Yeah, as a joke and she sent it.

MOTHER: So my sister was really mad about that.

THERAPIST: That’s smacking yourself in the forehead, frankly.

MOTHER: I can’t remember the bald one. She misunderstood that one. She took it as something bad and it wasn’t, but the first one she was upset about. Anyway, Nolan, just take her off.

THERAPIST: So all the public things, not only do I think you should have access when he’s this age, but I don’t know why anybody in social media shouldn’t have their parent as their friend or follower or whatever.

CLIENT: Because they live in the stone age.

THERAPIST: You don’t think they should be your friends or followers because they’re cave people?

CLIENT: (laughs) Because they have no interest in social media whatsoever.

THERAPIST: Well, too bad for them. If you’re going to participate in it, they’re going to have to bring up their technological skills a little bit. I get after those people on the radio all the time about how they have to catch up with you, so I’ll just get after them here. [00:39:59]

FATHER: All e-mail or all texting, I don’t have time in the day to sit and look at Twitters. [00:40:05]

THERAPIST: Well texting is going to be different in a second. You can follow him on Twitter without ever following him on Twitter. You just have to get on and go to www.twitter.com\his handle and it will show you on the Internet.

MOTHER: Do you do Twitter?

CLIENT: No. I only do Instagram.

THERAPIST: That’s probably best. I hate Twitter and I hate Twitter because it is the worst idea for the ADD people on the face of the earth because they have approximately 11 seconds between the time they think of something and the time it goes out to the whole universe and nothing is a worse idea than that.

MOTHER: The only thing worse than that is that picture thing.

THERAPIST: Snapshot.

MOTHER: Yeah. Do you still do that?

CLIENT: Yeah.

MOTHER: That’s the one I worry about. [00:40:58]

CLIENT: I don’t understand.

FATHER: Paris doesn’t understand either.

MOTHER: Paris has ADD as well.

THERAPIST: That’s your worry about Snapshot. The good news about Snapshot is more or less the image disappears. I just learned the other day that they’ve modified it so that if someone screenshots you, you know.

MOTHER: Oh, really?

THERAPIST: That’s new, yeah. That’s new and the rule is now amongst young folks that if someone screenshots something that you’ve sent, then they’re never getting another Snapshot from you because that’s considered a tremendous faux pas. So that’s new news as of the last week or two. We’ll get to the other thingies in a second because they’re ethically different than what’s public and I’ll explain what I mean by that. Anything he’s doing on social media, you guys need to keep an eye on. I don’t know that you need to every day obsessively get up and look at his Twitter feed. (chuckles) [00:41:59] It isn’t as difficult to do that as it sounds, but I have a bunch of kids around the country that I follow. I find that it’s really very interesting to see what they have to say and I used to have a list of kids I followed, and then I changed my mind and decided I just didn’t think I wanted everybody to see everything they had to say. They could go find it themselves, so now that’s a closed list. They say some pretty interesting stuff and I reTweet things that I like that they say. It’s about one in 50 things the average kid says that isn’t nutty. They fight on Twitter and they do all sorts of crazy stuff. Tumblr is where teenage girls store all their pornography. I’ve certainly learned that and that’s a popular thing to do.

CLIENT: I’ve never heard of Tumblr.

THERAPIST: Tumblr? You don’t know Tumblr? You don’t want to know Tumblr. Boys don’t do Tumblr very much but girls get addicted to that thing like nothing, like you get addicted to fishing. [00:43:05] Here’s the deal on the other things. Things that are private media, and this is somewhat of an imperfect solution, but the way kids communicate now is that texting is just the same as talking on the phone. In fact, they don’t ever talk on the phone. Do you ever talk on the phone?

CLIENT: I try, but . . .

THERAPIST: You can’t figure out how to do it? (all laugh) That was in the stone age.

CLIENT: I don’t know how to dial.

FATHER: I thought you were serious for a second.

THERAPIST: So here’s the thing, on one hand, when you’re talking on the phone they’re going to say all those things that they’re going to say. On the other hand, it doesn’t make a transcript and texting makes a transcript. People will have a document later this year they have to sign in my office that says they are agreeing to delete all texts that we exchange with each other because I can’t manage their phone and I need them to think about their privacy. [00:44:06] You will have to agree that if Kevin and I text that you are not monitoring his phone because that’s private communication. That’s one of these issues that we’re just now beginning to catch up to. In general, I think texting should be categorized as personal communication and here are the kind of exceptions: there is a 157% chance that Kevin will write a sext message to a girl in his life. There is no chance this won’t happen.

FATHER: I’m missing out.

THERAPIST: You are free. You are married and free to sext.

MOTHER: All he gets is “bring home milk, please.” (laughs)

THERAPIST: My wife is always so mad at me when I do that she’s like, “What if somebody sees that?” I’m like, “Delete it.” [00:45:00] Now pictures are a different matter and this has evolved a lot in the last couple of years. It is so – I almost can’t believe it, how much a part of the dating area it is at this point to text sexually explicit pictures to each other. It’s beyond whatever I even thought it would be. I thought people would get over this and be embarrassed about it; and they absolutely are not anymore. It shows up on TV shows; it is just the most common thing to do. This has actually created, when it comes to minors, a really complicated situation because that has absolutely been defined as child pornography and they’ve actually begun having to modify the laws on this. They’re all kind of puzzled about how to do this because otherwise, all teenagers would now be in prison. [00:46:00] This is such a complicated scenario. We used to just scare the crap out of people. Then there got to be this false understanding for a very brief time that this was somehow boys exploiting girls. Anybody who has sat in this office knows that isn’t true. Girls are not sitting around saying “no” in any way, shape or form. It is very typical. That I’ve yet to quite figure out what to do with because for minors, really that’s a bad idea. It’s not a great idea for young adults unless they don’t care who all sees their picture because the first thing a guy does when he’s mad at a girl is start sending those pictures around, which is unethical and evil – and that is a good reason to take your phone and never give back. That so violates the rights of others.

CLIENT: I could go to juvie for that, too. [00:46:56]

THERAPIST: You could, but apparently they’re realizing they shouldn’t prosecute that anymore, so let’s talk about from an ethical standpoint. If you use some picture you have of a girl you used to like and don’t anymore to hurt her, that’s a good reason for them to shut your phone down because you’re hurting a person, as opposed to being annoying or seeing naked pictures or whatever. You’re hurting someone. If you drive your care drunk, to me that’s a great reason to take somebody’s car away because you’re threatening someone by driving. So you have to sort of think where is the harm in gauging the response? People who arm people with those pictures, I think, deserve a huge consequence.

FATHER: Can’t something happen to me, since I own the phone?

THERAPIST: They’ve never gone that direction unless they know you’re complicit. What I’m really saying – I hate to say it but I also think it’s important to know – they’re moving away from prosecuting these things because, like I say, every kid would now be arrested because they all do it, with a very tiny exception of people who are embarrassed about their bodies and don’t want to take pictures and send them to everyone. [00:48:13] The difference in just the last five years is if Kevin sent a picture of his ex-girlfriend to all his friends five or six years ago, the girl would be embarrassed.

CLIENT: I know what happens.

THERAPIST: Right. And do you know what happens now?

CLIENT: The person kills herself.

THERAPIST: Right. Now what happens?

FATHER: Did you hear about Amanda Todd?

MOTHER: No.

THERAPIST: I know that name.

FATHER: I’ll tell you later.

THERAPIST: Now what happens is the girl goes up to Kevin and is like, “You know, that picture doesn’t belong to you,” and that’s the end of that discussion. There is so little – and a part of me thinks that I’m glad people are not going through this process of shame; and the other part of me thinks “wow, nobody cares enough about their exposure to get upset about it anymore?” I have about 500+ stories I could tell you, so I don’t think you should reinforce him from sending pictures around and if you want to tell him that’s a shutting off offense, feel free. But in terms of the word part of it, he’s going into high school. You cannot stalk his phone long enough unless you have reasonable suspicion to believe he’s doing harm with it. And in that case, maybe then he forfeits his right to freedom of texting.

FATHER: Can you text pictures?

THERAPIST: You can, absolutely.

FATHER: Yeah, so how is that different?

THERAPIST: The pictures?

FATHER: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Well, that’s why I say if you want to tell him that texting nude selfies is a shut-down violation, I think you’re well within your right. [00:50:01] I think the question, though, is who is it harming? That’s your tipping point. Do you want to say that’s a shut-down offense? If he’s texting someone else’s picture, that’s a shut-down offense.

FATHER: I would think either one because it’s a reflection of our family as well.

CLIENT: Like you didn’t do stupid things when you were a kid.

FATHER: We got in trouble for doing stupid things.

CLIENT: Because you didn’t have phones.

THERAPIST: Kevin, he did, in fact, do stupid things. I don’t have to ask him. He got in trouble for doing them, too, and that’s the point. You have to do kid things and they’ve got to do parent things. I’m saying it’s unquestionable that if he sends a picture to harm, that’s a shut-down offense and a monitoring offense. If he sends a picture of his John Thomas to a girl he likes, you’re probably going to have to study that on a need-to-know basis. That might mean sitting down and telling him this is tacky. It’s almost the new hickey, I kid you not. [00:51:01]

MOTHER: Interesting.

THERAPIST: I never have said that to anyone and the minute I said it, it makes a lot of sense. It’s the new hickey.

FATHER: Do you know what a hickey is?

CLIENT: Yeah.

MOTHER: How do you know what that is?

CLIENT: I used to give them to myself all the time.

FATHER: If somebody gave you one, who twisted his neck. Do you remember that? Somebody twisted him here at a swim meet or something, in the swimming pool.

THERAPIST: That person didn’t know how to give a hickey.

MOTHER: At least that’s the story we got.

THERAPIST: And, again, to me if the intent is to do harm, then I would crush him. If he’s saying to somebody, “You’re a stupid fucker,” and means it, that’s not a funny joke with his friends, then that’s to be hurtful. I’ve seen some guys – you wouldn’t do this, I hope – but I’ve seen guys lately, certain guys who have broken up with girls lately and almost bullied them. It’s weird. That isn’t normally what happens and lately I’m just seeing really cruel things. [00:52:01] That’s, to me, a shut-down offense. You really want to reserve those shut-down offenses for things that do harm to others.

MOTHER: Now we wouldn’t know about that, however, if we weren’t able to see the text.

THERAPIST: I think you’ll find out if it’s really harmful. (chuckling) You live in a town that’s small enough that that’s apparently boomeranging. My view is you ought to have privacy unless they have probable cause to remove it from you.

CLIENT: Yes, just like a search warrant.

THERAPIST: Right. That’s precisely right. The same is true for the room. You really ought to never ever go through kids’ writings or their diaries. I do suggest that if you wish to write your crazy thoughts, I strongly encourage you to do that on a computer and encrypt the document because (chuckles) you don’t want anyone to open it. [00:52:58] Like if you’re writing a story about murdering your family or something – you think I’m making it up? This totally has happened in the past. You need to make that your password-protected document, so you need to do some things to protect your own privacy. But until you have reasonable suspicion that something is problematic, he’s doing a drug sale or he’s at risk of self-harm or he’s bullying somebody in a serious manner, then they can invade your privacy just like you said, the search warrant. Try to use that exact analogy as probable cause. And you’ve got to watch out because some things are more serious than others. Like embarrassing your family, well, feel free to give him consequences, but don’t issue the death penalty.

MOTHER: I think what we mean by that, too, is his business is our livelihood.

THERAPIST: That’s a good point. Right. [00:53:59] I have to enforce that with my kids, too, but my kids have grown up with that idea so they just know if somebody talks to me in public they should assume it’s a client or something. That is a good point. I think the thing I would do in a situation like that is really sitting down and having a very serious conversation about that and say, “You understand? This is where our revenue stream comes from. We are seen in the community where we are relied upon as a business. People have to see the quality of our product and our service and if you’re posting your dick all over town or whatever it is you’re doing, in this situation it could hurt us.” If they said that to you in that situation, wouldn’t that appeal to you?

CLIENT: Yeah.

MOTHER: That’s been said to him without the word . . .

THERAPIST: There was no dick in it?

MOTHER: Do you remember? That’s been said several times. [00:55:01]

THERAPIST: Did you hear it? Did it make sense to you?

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: I think you’ve got to think about those things before you do them. Part of that is maturity, too. One hopes that Kevin is getting more mature as he ages. We’re excited about that possibility. Those things have to be repeated for the ADD crowd quite a bit.

FATHER: So not following texts, but looking at Twitter and that type of stuff. But there are also time elements that we need to – no texting after a certain time; shut off the phone at a certain time.

CLIENT: I think 9:00 is way too early.

THERAPIST: 9:00 is early and Kevin, I want to add to what your dad is saying that defending the privacy issue with you, then what you want to do is to let them prevent you from overuse of the phone. [00:56:11] There is some give and take here and we had this conversation several sessions back where I said if you’re not cool about this, I’ll tell them how they can watch every move you make. You’ve tried to be reasonable about it, so you don’t want to forfeit your privacy – so be reasonable in this discussion about it because they’re trying to be reasonable about it with you. What do you think is the right time for that?

CLIENT: I think probably 10:30 because that’s probably when I get to sleep anyway and I’m usually tired after I’m done texting.

THERAPIST: My concern about that – and I’m not looking at that yet because I don’t want to see their heads [fuse] (ph?) to see what they’re thinking. It’s like where you go in the soundproof booth. [00:57:02] As you continue forth, you’re going to have disagreements with people and you’re going to have a girlfriend or whatever, how is that helpful to your sleep to be texting right up to the time you go to sleep? Aren’t you going to be aroused and frustrated or something?

CLIENT: (chuckling) I don’t know. I’m sleeping. I have no clue.

THERAPIST: I mean just before. You’re telling me that you sleep so beautifully that if you’re upset about something you can just put the phone down at 10:30 and you’re like (snoring noise), like Ruth, for example.

CLIENT: (laughs) I usually end up waking up 30 minutes after I go to bed because I’ve had a really sore throat. I’ve had a really bad sore throat.

THERAPIST: You mean just since the sore throat?

CLIENT: Yeah, just since the sore throat.

FATHER: You usually get up every night and come back down and get something to drink. [00:58:00]

CLIENT: Well, yeah, I get something to drink. It’s been such a sore throat and so dry that I can barely swallow sometimes. I’ve got that canker sore under my tongue and it hurts like crazy.

THERAPIST: Let’s talk overall, not just recently, but overall.

CLIENT: Usually if I’ve had a bad night I would just rather go to sleep and try to forget about it because I’m not going to remember it that clearly in the morning.

THERAPIST: So 10:30 is a correct bedtime in your mind?

MOTHER: No. That isn’t.

CLIENT: Not to you.

MOTHER: Right.

THERAPIST: 10:00?

MOTHER: I would say 10:00 would be lights out.

THERAPIST: What time does he get up?

MOTHER: 6:30.

THERAPIST: 10:00 is about right.

CLIENT: The other morning, I thought, was ridiculous. She thought that I . . .

THERAPIST: Is this going to be a long story or a short story? (chuckles)

CLIENT: It’s kind of short. [00:59:01] She thought that I had moved her tweezers again and I do use them sometimes.

THERAPIST: For what?

CLIENT: Sometimes I miss when I’m shaving.

THERAPIST: Can’t you get your own tweezers? People don’t want you using their tweezers.

CLIENT: I haven’t gone to an actual store in how long?

THERAPIST: Can she wear your underwear if she needs some extra underwear?

CLIENT: She might need a diaper here pretty soon.

MOTHER: Stop it.

THERAPIST: That’s fine; if she needs extra underwear she can wear your underwear.

CLIENT: Sure. (laughs) Why not?

THERAPIST: I don’t believe you. You’re going to be back in here and be complaining that she uses up your underwear and God knows what she does with it.

FATHER: Getting a little too familiar.

THERAPIST: So anyway, you moved the tweezers.

CLIENT: I did not move the tweezers. She assumed that you did.

THERAPIST: You know zero teenage boys have ever raised this problem. You are the first ever to raise it. [01:00:03]

(laughing)

CLIENT: Dad, you use them all the time, too.

FATHER: I rarely use her tweezers.

MOTHER: Nobody is supposed to be using my tweezers. (laughs)

THERAPIST: Then get 3 pairs of tweezers.

MOTHER: I have.

THERAPIST: Are you tweezing your head? What is it?

FATHER: No, I don’t use her . . . I’ve used it maybe five times in the past year.

MOTHER: I can’t believe we’re talking about tweezers.

CLIENT: This is ridiculous.

FATHER: What would I use it for? I’m never up in her bathroom.

CLIENT: (laughs) Yes, you are. You were up in the bathroom last night.

THERAPIST: Maybe these people just take other people’s stuff and use it. Remember how I told you that if you don’t deal with this, your girlfriend of the future is going to beat your ass? This is exactly what I meant.

CLIENT: Okay. I’m going to get back to the story here. Done talking about tweezers.

THERAPIST: Good.

CLIENT: My mom woke me up at like 5:00; 5:30, is that right? She came into my room, knocked on my door and goes, “Kevin, where are my tweezers?” I was like, “I don’t know, mom. I didn’t move them.” [01:01:01] She goes, “Yes, you did. You always move them. You always move them.” I go, “Mom, I really didn’t. I swear I did not move them.” So she goes, “Okay, I know that you moved them,” and then she walked away. Ten minutes later, “Kevin. Where are my tweezers?” and then she does that exact same thing and then she walks away. She is furious with me because she thinks that I moved her tweezers. It’s probably around 6:00 now. She comes back again, knocks on my door and goes, “Kevin. I need to know where my tweezers are. You moved my tweezers.” She does the exact same thing – leaves. 6:30, comes back in. “Kevin, where are my tweezers?”

THERAPIST: This is her new way of waking you up.

CLIENT: Yeah, and then she didn’t even tell me what time it was.

THERAPIST: Did the tweezers ever turn up?

CLIENT: No.

FATHER: Yeah.

CLIENT: They did? Where were they?

FATHER: In mom’s bed.

CLIENT: Are you serious?

FATHER: But how they got there, we don’t know. [01:02:03]

MOTHER: Right next to where you study.

CLIENT: I didn’t take your tweezers, mom.

MOTHER: Just to put the finishing touch on this, this is the clincher. I can only use them with my magnifying mirror. My magnifying mirror is in my bathroom on the vanity right where they tweezers are. I don’t use them anywhere else.

THERAPIST: So there’s no way she took them someplace else.

CLIENT: Whose side of the bed were they on?

MOTHER: They were nicely put under . . .

THERAPIST: Oh, Kevin. You took her tweezers?

CLIENT: No I did not.

THERAPIST: Then how did they get there? How did they get there?

CLIENT: I don’t . . . Why would I know?

THERAPIST: I want you to be happily married. I want to come to your wedding and I want your girl to say, “I’m so thankful that found Kevin. He’s so organized and thoughtful.” I want her to say, “You know, unlike other boyfriends I’ve had, he’s never taken my tweezers.” That is what I want for you.

FATHER: “He gave me tweezers for my wedding gift.”

(laughing) [01:03:01]

THERAPIST: That’s right. “We each have a pair now.” You’ve got to not do that; and I know this is hard because both of you . . . I’ve told you the thing we hate about the ADD people, it’s your infinite tolerance for your chaos and then for anybody else’s – and that is as good an example as it comes. You’re like, “Oh, I need the tweezers. Now I’m done with them,” and then they end up in the bed, which is the definition of chaos – tweezers in the bed.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Did she solve that problem effectively? (laughs)

CLIENT: She did, but I don’t . . .

THERAPIST: No, but I don’t know how she’s going to solve it if she doesn’t ask you where they are.

CLIENT: Okay, besides all that she came and knocked on my door about six times – well, probably about five – and then she claimed that she came and knocked on my door again telling me to get up. She never did that. She never did that. She never told me to get up. I had no clue what time it was. [01:04:03] And then at 7:15 she texted me a long time ago and I was asleep. She comes up and she knocks on my door and she goes, “Kevin, are you going to get up? You’re going to miss your ride,” or something like that. I look and it’s 7:15 and we have to leave at . . .

THERAPIST: Do you think you should be able to be . . . I was just bragging on how you’re going into college and you’re mature enough to have privacy. Can’t you get yourself up now?

CLIENT: No because I forget to set my alarm.

THERAPIST: Get that app on your phone.

CLIENT: Can’t you get yourself up, dad?

MOTHER: Kevin, we’re talking about you.

THERAPIST: Oh, he’s not got his phone in there. We can’t do that.

FATHER: Yeah he does. He’s got his phone.

THERAPIST: You need to get that clock that when it goes off in the morning it has this loud alarm and there are two different ones. One of them falls off your bedside and rolls around on the floor.

CLIENT: We’ve got him . . .

THERAPIST: He can have one, too.

CLIENT: He does.

FATHER: I do.

THERAPIST: You have one? (laughs)

CLIENT: And he has the one that is a vibration thing that goes under his pillow. [01:05:02]

THERAPIST: Yeah, that’s another one.

CLIENT: He has that one, too, and it makes that noise and it flashes. He doesn’t care. He still sleeps through it.

MOTHER: Guess what his alarm clock is? I wake everybody up.

THERAPIST: Oh, no.

CLIENT: He has 20 alarms set on his phone like five minutes apart; and they keep ringing. And he can’t get up.

THERAPIST: Oh, my God.

MOTHER: I’m looking for the one that actually has an arm that comes up and goes “bam.” That’s the one he needs.

THERAPIST: Do you sleep through all of those? Holy cow. They’ve got an app that you have to stand up and turn around three times in order to get it to shut off. It knows what you’re doing.

MOTHER: Huh. Well he doesn’t even hear it, though.

THERAPIST: That has that really loud alarm. It’s like 130 decibels. It’s great.

MOTHER: The rest of us hear it.

CLIENT: 130 decibels?

THERAPIST: You’re going to have to – Oh, my God. I’m never going to get you married.

MOTHER: You have to get married or you’re going to live with us.

THERAPIST: I know. That’s part of my fear.

FATHER: We can bunk together.

THERAPIST: We’re going to have to work on this because you’ve got to be a better roommate than you are being. [01:06:06] All right. I’ve got to kick you out of here

CLIENT: [What are my parents going to do to me?] (ph?)

THERAPIST: What was the last part? I lost the last part of that.

MOTHER: Alarm clock.

THERAPIST: I don’t know what I would have done.

FATHER: Get yourself up.

THERAPIST: The tweezer dilemma is really a complicated problem because you really didn’t solve the problem by bugging him.

MOTHER: No, and I’ve had to replace them four times. This is my fourth replacement.

THERAPIST: Really? Four tweezers.

MOTHER: Yes, I use them twice a day and I know exactly where they are.

CLIENT: And she also said, “Kevin, I guarantee that they’re in your room. I’m going to come in there and check the whole room.”

THERAPIST: Well, she was only off slightly.

CLIENT: Yeah, it was on dad’s side of the bed, though.

FATHER: No.

CLIENT: (chuckles) Yeah, it was.

THERAPIST: I don’t think he was using it.

FATHER: How would you know?

CLIENT: How would I know?

FATHER: You just said, “It’s on dad’s side of the bed.” How would you know that?

THERAPIST: The four times you replaced them, Kevin had used them before? [01:07:03] You need your own tweezers, Kevin. When I marry you off the rule will be that you get to have your bathroom and your special space in your apartment and then the girl gets everything else and you don’t use her tweezers. You will be divorced in a week. All right, Ruth, hop up.

FATHER: I think we’ve found his new nickname.

MOTHER: Tweezer?

FATHER: Can we call you Tweezer?

THERAPIST: Yeah, that’s a good one.

CLIENT: We’re going to be playing a lot of pranks on you.

THERAPIST: Do we have one set?

MOTHER: I don’t remember.

FATHER: I think I did.

THERAPIST: You know what? My next person isn’t here. That’s odd. Maybe that’s what the texts were that came in.

MOTHER: I did to wake you up. Every morning. 6:30.

CLIENT: You did not. You’re so full of crap.

MOTHER: Yeah, so I would only wake your dad up and not you?

THERAPIST: We’re going to work on something to get him more self-sufficient on that. Maybe your husband . . . (laughs) [01:07:58]

MOTHER: Oh, my gosh. There for a while he was getting up. You were setting your own alarm and I don’t know why that stopped.

FATHER: Because it was his [ ] (inaudible at 01:08:10).

MOTHER: And you were. You were doing a good job of that, so let’s do that. Are these your kids in this room?

THERAPIST: Yeah. They are all mine. There is Evan and one of his kids. That’s not Bob, though.

MOTHER: They’re great pictures.

THERAPIST: Well, that is really strange. Let me see. I’ve got you on the 21st.

FATHER: That’s right.

THERAPIST: 4:30, is that all right?

MOTHER: Yes, that’s great. Did you say the 21st?

THERAPIST: Yes, the 21st at 4:30.

(chimes) [01:09:02]

THERAPIST: Ruth plays that sometimes. Sometimes she gets so into it that she just knocks it right off on the floor.

MOTHER: Do you have that written down somewhere, Wes, the 21st?

FATHER: What is the 21st?

THERAPIST: It is a Tuesday.

FATHER: You said 4:30?

THERAPIST: Yes.

MOTHER: Kevin, I’m going to text you the 21st and then just remind me to write it on the calendar.

THERAPIST: Is there somebody out there? No. They’re sitting out in their car.

MOTHER: Oh, they are?

THERAPIST: Okay, so we’re set. See you later, guys. Take care.

END TRANSCRIPT