TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

INTERVIEWER: How is all that going?

RESPONDENT: Kind of what it is. By the way, I want to talk about this phrase, "It is what it is." I hate this phrase.

INTERVIEWER: Not a fan?

RESPONDENT: No. I think it's...I think it equates to I give up. Like I no longer will think about this or try to solve this or prove this or anything else. I will simply endure it. It is what it is. It cannot be changed and it cannot be otherwise defined or questioned. It is simply defined by itself. It's passive...completely passive. Word is from Jacqueline; she says that I'm...oh man; this is not a great concept. It is what it is. Maybe it is for [inaudible 01:04]. We take on everything that Alec predicts. Maybe that's an important shield. Like yeah, let's let Alec do it. Maybe that's important in helping. [inaudible 01:17] like me.

[01:18]

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, what about for you?

RESPONDENT: Is it giving up?

INTERVIEWER: Yeah.

RESPONDENT: No. It's...[inaudible 01:31]. Have I talked about Charles?

INTERVIEWER: You've talked about Charles before.

RESPONDENT: So he [inaudible 01:36]. We were talking about stuff and we're really good friends. We got to the point where we felt like talking about aspects [inaudible 01:49] over the years. It's like I am infuriated by your lack of action in certain aspects of your life. He's like I get that. But I am so often shocked that you have the audacity; that you know better than everybody else. I'm like yeah sure I do that, it's like but very often I'm correct. He's like yes. Yes. Still. It's true though; I do that. And he's like yeah I'm sort of [inaudible 02:29] about being. He said yeah. Everything is broken but can be improved. And it's the sum of my...which is very succinct. You know. Everything is broken and can be improved.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, yeah. Do you see it?

[02:49]

RESPONDENT: That's what I see.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, he finds something audacious about it?

RESPONDENT: Yeah, although I so often assume that, but it'll come in to versus [inaudible 03:07]. Like his most recent one, he's been working on this model for game play. And really has been spending days on it. He was stuck on this one problem for like two days and had not been able to solve. I'm telling him like, like go ahead and try this. Try this. You should try this thing. Here's what you should be doing. These are all the things he's tried already for the past two days and he's just like, "Yep." Hmm, alright well.

[03:41]

Part of the assumption for years he had to do this talk without having any idea what he was talking about on various subjects. Any subject. He'd be like, ah, this [inaudible 03:50]; he'd go actually it's this. He's just like going off and making up this thing and he assumed was how it was happening. After a point, it's just like you don't know what you're talking about. And he realizes that nobody listened to him anymore.

INTERVIEWER: Oh, no one took him seriously.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, because like you always talk about things you don't understand; shit you just made up on the fly. You think people [inaudible 04:12] don't know further understanding of the subject. And obviously incorrect. Obviously those of us who know something about the subject.

So that's funny actually. He would jump in doing that so often but be wrong whereas, listen, he might jump in; he's still right. He'd already done the thing but I was still right. He's like, here's what you're doing.

And the thing he wouldn't do...he was like you should stop now. You should work on something else. You've been working on this for two days. Where is your progress? You're stuck now. You're locked in a pattern and you need to step away and work on something else and you'll get a new perspective on it. He was like, "No. I'm not going to do it." I'm like if I were your producer I would have scheduled you on to something else already.

[05:02]

INTERVIEWER: Oh, interesting.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, whereas before I would have found somebody who could solve your problem for you. But failing that, I would move him to something else. Because he's a wasted resource right now.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, yeah. No.

RESPONDENT: Two days of nothing. Maybe he can do something else.

INTERVIEWER: That's a great idea. That's a great call though.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, what else can you do? Well we need to get this done. It's not going to happen today. It's not going to have somebody figure it out. [inaudible 05:28] player come to think of it. Like no, "Two more days. Two more days." It's like it's been two weeks. This guy hasn't figured this thing out. What else could we have been using him for in that time? It's not like it takes two weeks to write up this code. Right. Like...

INTERVIEWER: Right.

[05:50]

RESPONDENT: You can write code all day and you can write systems and complexes over the course of weeks. But when it's one feature you're working on, you know, and this thing...then that's the problem. The problem is you aren't getting it done because you don't know how to do it. And if you knew how to do it, you'd just do it. You need somebody to teach you how to do it, you won't be given the time to learn it, you know. You need to know the answers today. Nothing has changed and I still don't know the answer. It's like I'm not going to get better at programming than I was two weeks ago. I'm not any smarter than I was two weeks ago. I'm actually more stressed than I was two weeks. My morale is lower than it was two weeks ago. I'm stressed more than I was two weeks ago. And now I'm not working anywhere near as well as I was two weeks ago and I'm not going to improve on this.

INTERVIEWER: Right.

RESPONDENT: And the problem was no, get it done, get it done. Like that...it got worse. It got something. Is, in fact, an answer. And that's...

INTERVIEWER: That's the problem actually.

RESPONDENT: It's a television movie problem, right. People want you to tell them reasons and...you're watching tv shows and movies where bosses act as far as that, "Get it done. Get results." It's on Star Trek. It's on Law and Order. It's like all over the place. We can't do this thing. "Get it done." And it's like that's the magic word.

[07:12]

INTERVIEWER: That's the magic word.

RESPONDENT: Get it done. Or like just do it.

INTERVIEWER: Push through it.

RESPONDENT: "I don't want to hear excuses. I just want results." These are things you hear in television and movies that actually don't work in the real world because they're ridiculous. Right. And so...

INTERVIEWER: That's true.

RESPONDENT: But people are just like, "Oh, I've seen this. I've seen this happen." It's like oh, you lied on your resume; you're fired. No. Why? Why are we doing that? Is he good at his job? Well yeah. Okay. Fine. Did he lie about not being a convicted murderer? No. Oh okay. Because we would have found out. Yeah you know. Why? "Well that's just what happens." You saw that in some movie right? You heard that passed down from the old business time, you know.

INTERVIEWER: That's important.

RESPONDENT: It's like why? Why would you do this? Because it's always been done that way. Has it? I don't think it has actually. I really very much doubt that.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah. It's a kind of knee jerk, unthought of reflexive way to...

RESPONDENT: Yeah, based on some media story you once heard.

[08:14]

You know and...media story; based on a story you once heard. It's fucking stupid is what it is. And like that's the problem with this. I'm like okay am I manic when I think people are stupid or am I correct and the people are stupid? Right. Like I was watching Silver Linings Playbook yesterday. Okay. That was a difficult movie to watch.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah?

RESPONDENT: Yeah. Yeah, for a couple of different reasons. So 1; that's a real feature film in that it features gravity [inaudible 08:44] Jennifer Lawrence. Everyone else; well, Robert DeNiro. Everyone else you don't really hear about. Robert DeNiro, by the way, does not steal scenes. He's not a gifted actor. He's Robert DeNiro. You know, he does a really good Robert DeNiro in various situations and anger very well. And he needs that. But anger is so easy to do. Robert is just good at it. You know. And he's not bad.

INTERVIEWER: Who?

RESPONDENT: Robert DeNiro.

INTERVIEWER: Oh yeah, DeNiro.

RESPONDENT: He's certainly not bad. He's very good. But he didn't steal a scene. And look at Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence are put right in front. They're both beautiful, right? I mean Julia Stiles off to the side, I go yeah, yeah; see, there are other people. You know, Julia Stiles. You know you've seen her in stuff, right. She is what? Cooper's ex or something?

INTERVIEWER: Oh is she really? Oh, in the movie you mean?

[09:39]

RESPONDENT: No, she's his ex's friend and the wife of his other really good friend.

INTERVIEWER: Oh.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, so she's in it. But anyway, it's really just there to show off these two. So no one else really detracts from it. Regardless, the scene I was looking at have you seen it?

INTERVIEWER: Oh yeah.

RESPONDENT: The scene I was looking for is wedding video. That [inaudible 10:01] is very real and very accurate. You know.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah?

RESPONDENT: That's very real and very accurate. Except that I did...I wish they had not made him violent. I didn't want them to...

INTERVIEWER: When was he violent?

[10:12]

RESPONDENT: He accidentally hit his mother, you know. He actually hit his mother and his dad starts punching...starts punching his dad.

INTERVIEWER: Oh yeah, okay.

RESPONDENT: I didn't want it to go that way. I didn't want it to be like the reason he gets out is because he's violent. I didn't want that to be...again, he's Bipolar I right. That's what he's being; he's Bipolar...

INTERVIEWER: The director's son is Bipolar I.

RESPONDENT: What's that?

INTERVIEWER: The director's son has Bipolar. He's in the movie actually. He's the one that tapes the video.

RESPONDENT: Oh is that him?

INTERVIEWER: That's him. Yeah, David O'Russell.

RESPONDENT: The kid's fat. Should be on a diet. Oh my God.

INTERVIEWER: Is that what they said in the movie?

RESPONDENT: No, it's what I'm talking about. The kid's fat. Give him a workout regimen. You shouldn't have fat kids. When a kid's fat, old people should get off [inaudible 11:04]. Kids should not be fat.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, he's a...yeah, but Brad Cooper plays a Bipolar I.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, and Jennifer Lawrence plays...

INTERVIEWER: Depression.

[11:16]

RESPONDENT: Yeah. [inaudible 11:19] depressed. Like abandonment issues like crazy, you know, and of course she's still in mourning. Yeah, I think she's great.

INTERVIEWER: What did you think of Bradley Cooper?

RESPONDENT: Oh he's good. I like him. I think [inaudible 11:46]. I think the movie is surprisingly contrived in certain areas. Like the movie is doing well in like...oh, and this thing. That's a romantic comedy show. Why is that...why would that...and it only works in romantic comedy. Why did you bring it in to this actual character setting that we're doing right now? They get a 5 at the Dance. I'm sorry; that's...I'm sorry. What do we do? What are we...? This is not serious.

[12:26]

But the scene of him signing in to the doctor's office is actually the most accurate but also symbolic representation of what it's like. Okay. So he walks in; he signs his name on the sheet. He remains still signing the sheet. So [inaudible 12:47] acting. The camera continues to spin around him but not in a feeling way. Right. And so this is one...

INTERVIEWER: This is the one that you see in the outpatient guy?

RESPONDENT: Yes. You look at the secretary; the secretary is much lower than he is, right. She's very plain. Right. And the light is off somehow. You know. That's the most accurate representation.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, what did you...?

RESPONDENT: You're still aware of many many many things. It's moving quickly. But this mundane task seems so ridiculous, you know. The secretary is plainer. She's not the flawless, stick out, at least to me that's how I experience it is that everything that is broken is more clearly broken. And people that are playing are not as smart or not as talented, [inaudible 13:59] seem more so and more so and more so.

[14:03]

Did I tell you this? That Charles asked me if I was likely Bipolar and I told him can I ask you something [inaudible 14:12]? But he was very good. I thought those were the two most correct, accurate depictions of it. He goes more extreme.

INTERVIEWER: The hospital scene?

RESPONDENT: The outpatient one. I mean yeah the outpatient looking for the wedding video. Until it culminated in the [inaudible 14:40] cycle.

INTERVIEWER: My stuff doesn't get physical. [inaudible 14:49]. What about the...what was the scene? I don't remember the scene where he's looking for the video tape very well.

RESPONDENT: He's looking for his wedding video and it's not where he put it. And he needs to find it. And they won't tell him where it is. Clearly they know where it is. He just needs to find it because it's [inaudible 15:15] should or shouldn't. These are very single facts that he can't understand why is it taking him so long to figure out where it is or to understand what happened to it. Why is it taking so long? Because everyone is so slow. And it's infuriating how long it's taking everyone because...

INTERVIEWER: Slow and stupid.

RESPONDENT: Infuriating.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, I thought like one of the things he was getting pissed about was they thought they knew better for what he needed at that moment. No, I needed to see the video.

RESPONDENT: And like he probably doesn't remember that. I told [inaudible 16:04] yesterday the first four years like, the last four years I made a number of choices based on manic thinking. Like [inaudible 16:17]. And she was like that would seem accurate. I'm like what the fuck. She's like that's what I thought was happening. Well then why did you let it happen? If you saw this happening, why didn't you say don't do this; this is a bad choice. This is based on irrational thinking. And I think it's just more scary that she will let me do things that are destructive. She was like I've always voiced my concerns. I'm like yeah, but then you go away. You know. That's not passivity. It is what it is. It is what it is. [inaudible 17:18], it is what it is. It isn't what it is. What can it be? That's the question. What can it be? What should it be? And how do we get it closer to that state? These are the questions.

[17:32]

INTERVIEWER: You would have liked her to retrospectively say like...

RESPONDENT: I told her like the next time this happens you need to say this is a decision based on irrational thinking because you are manic right now; depressed. And when I tell you and prove to you that's not true logically, you need to point out the symptoms I'm exhibiting. My speaking is much faster. Right, my emotional state is heightened. You know, these are things you need to point out to me. You are clearly manic right now and you need not to make this choice. You need to sit down and think about it. She's like I don't say those things. I'm like you need to say those things. I can't believe you would let me do things.

INTERVIEWER: Do you think you were manic?

RESPONDENT: I mean that's why I look back on those; thinking that I was so good that I could start a company, you know. But thinking that it mattered how insane [inaudible 18:36] was and it mattered how insane Lauren was. Like here's what I have to look at guys. Either, there's something wrong with me, right. If you are the common factor in all of the failed relationships, right...I left the last three places I've been. The first one I had a safety net. The second and third I did not when I left them. So and the question remains. Were these places really as toxic as I felt they were when I left? If I'm honest, maybe. A lot of people were upset. A lot of people were leaving. And it changed very drastically. Okay. So is that a possibility.

[19:44]

The companies; a lot of people left. All three places I left under very high turnover rate. So what does that mean? And is it that I'm crazy and like I can't do this anymore? Or is it that I do not deal at all well with irrational behavior to the point where I will leave? You know.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, I get the feeling that it was from that place that I mean you talked about here in a lot of detail that you found that it was very very hard to deal with irrational people. It was maddening to you. And what I also think is that you deliberated a while on each one. It was not like I'm leaving today. I also think that you felt; I mean you thought it through a lot here and talked about it. I think there was also the idea that as it was before that a lot of prospects were coming your way. You know, you were getting a lot of things dropped in your lap for jobs and I mean yeah; I think there's something here for us to talk about and to work on in terms of because you're going to run in to any number of crazy bosses. But I also think you were trying to look for a place that felt better; that you felt like all it takes is one good boss in the world and...

RESPONDENT: All it takes is one good boss.

INTERVIEWER: Let me tell you, that's what a lot of people I find I work with do; they keep going until they find some place that really fits them better; and it's hard.

[21:47]

RESPONDENT: So then I struggle low interesting as a matter of reality. What does physics tell us? What does modern physics tell us? That the universe is a wave of potentiality. That it collapses in attention matter when attention is turned towards it. It's a very succinct way in your stride...currently [inaudible 22:13]. The universe is a wave of potentiality. It collapses in to matter when attention is turned towards it.

INTERVIEWER: Great. How can you use that?

RESPONDENT: I don't know. Can I? Now there are things that I used to believe but that didn't manipulate it by focusing on certain realities that your realities will come to pass. But also I put in effort in to that, right. You know.

Experiences I had when I was younger that I could not really swing. Mythology. Mythological things. Ways to describe and explain the sort of spiritual quasi mystical things. How do I explain these things? And I don't know. And at the time I would explain whatever literature resources were available to me, right. You know. Whether that was [inaudible 23:40], whether that was no pain studies. Whether that was [inaudible 23:46] library looking for something and then it was useful. And then fucking books on Shamanism. How to be a Shaman in an urban setting and books on trend modification, whole talks about trend modifications and [inaudible 24:03]. And I used a great deal of these things to describe the things I was experiencing and explain them. So then the question then becomes did I experience those things as a trick because I was looking at the mythology? Or did these things happen and the explanations for them are based on mythology instead I should see what's actually happening. You know. Or is that all just craziness and now I'm sane. Right. And but then the issue remains. It seems that when I reason things, that my life was better. Things improved. More amazing things happened to me. And since there have been more and more focus on what is more logic than real, things have been going less well. So what does that mean? Is there a correlation then, right? Is there a correlation or is that simply coincidence that my lack of faith, I suppose, to other structures is lucid by instructions that I wade through at least in that [inaudible 25:32].

[25:39]

But having those or just simply [inaudible 25:40] that I've lost that and then also jobs became more scarce and three of the choices I made were not good choices. What happened?

You know and it's interesting. This class [inaudible 26:03]. And one of the cool things about it was that if you went too far in either direction you were useless. If you went too far in the physical world, you're not contributing to the entire picture. If you went too far in the metaphysical world, the same problem. And then the goals [inaudible 26:25].

Now, I can wonder a couple of things. One; is there something mystical to that? Is there a mystical myth to reality? Fascinating question. Right. But [inaudible 26:45]. Or rather, is it that there are scientific understandable, knowable facts that are currently described in mystical terms you do not have the vocabulary to do so otherwise? I'm not sure it matters, although it's [inaudible 27:07]. If there are real knowable and examinable facts, I need to be looking at that. Very very carefully. How does it work? What are the signs in attention? How can I use attention to bring about positive change in my life as if [inaudible 27:29]? How experience [inaudible 27:32] as if it just all happened like it was supposed to? Like things came to me.

Opportunities. Being in the right place at the right time. Serendipitous experiences. You know very much like this. And they also don't believe that coincidence is a powerful thing. Right. Interesting. So what does that mean?

[27:57]

So if there is a mystical side; if there's a science that brings mystical in to it, then there's an entire other rule set that needs to be discovered and researched. Very close to it. This is a funny thing.

You watched True Blood last night, right. I don't watch it often, but I used to. Sometimes I watch it [inaudible 28:21]. I would say the same thing once you get [inaudible 28:25] stories.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah? Alright.

RESPONDENT: I would be an awesome vampire. So many of them fuck it up. You know. Oh, I've got these feelings and emotions that I can't [inaudible 28:36]. That is what you're going to do. But it's wrong. It's not right. I think that's Predator. That's fine. It's what you're supposed to do. That doesn't mean you can't have friendships and relationships; it's just that [inaudible 28:54]. They're more than pets; you are better. But they are more intelligent than dogs. They are better in many ways. They live longer, they're faster, they're stronger. You can eat them. I can eat dogs. I've eaten lots of other animals. But I have dogs and would never eat them. You know.

You spend all this time, and then you have a high school student; high school girls. What the fuck is wrong with you? What would you be doing man? Jesus.

INTERVIEWER: What?

RESPONDENT: It's just the thing of in these shows characters are always in love. Oh, I've got these powers and so rarely does one character say, "Okay, this is what we do now." What do you mean? Well we practice this every day. How far do these powers go? Like these are amazing, right? How strong are we? Can we get stronger? How do we do that? What kills us? Okay, that's the interest. You know.

INTERVIEWER: What would you think...what kind of affect would you want? What would you like to come out of it?

[30:11]

RESPONDENT: You build it to withdraw, right. Glamoring. Such a useful thing, right. Sometimes you see aspects of it; that's what we do.

INTERVIEWER: What is it?

RESPONDENT: Glamoring. That is mind control. That part of mind control. Why not use that? Why not use that every day? You pick certain people we've never touched the minds of. You just always wanted to know if their love for you was genuine, you know.

INTERVIEWER: But mind control on...?

RESPONDENT: But for everything else just whatever. They're just people.

INTERVIEWER: Uh huh.

RESPONDENT: And again, it backfires. They're just people. Never want for anything or be afraid of anything.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah. Huh.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, that would be great. It would be fantastic. You want to be a dog beam? Yeah, of course I do. Why wouldn't I? You can't go in the sun anymore. Okay. I'll miss the sun; that's true. But a vampire. I used to really want to be a vampire. I really didn't know if there were real vampires that would come and take me away.

INTERVIEWER: When?

RESPONDENT: High school. The last few years of high school because I really wanted very much; whenever I walked from the Draculigious house...

INTERVIEWER: The Draculigious.

RESPONDENT: The Draculigious?

INTERVIEWER: Are you serious?

RESPONDENT: Yeah, seriously. The son of Dracula.

INTERVIEWER: Oh my God. Lucky break I guess.

RESPONDENT: Yeah I guess. Well I'd walk from there and Burger King, or rather Burger King back home where I worked at Burger King...my first job, and I'm walking there and I remember watching there would be vampires and trying to [inaudible 32:01] to come to me. The best effect I ever got was a swarm of bats flew over my head and surfaced in the middle of this baseball field.

INTERVIEWER: That's as close as it came.

RESPONDENT: That's as close at it came.

INTERVIEWER: You must have been excited.

RESPONDENT: It was. It was exciting. I was excited when I moved that [inaudible 32:23]. Well they had this trick in mythology where you took a feather and you tied a string. You hang it and you make sure you close are the hairs so there are no [inaudible 32:33]. And what I do is I hang it straight down off the string and the other side, you make it, you know, steering; you go like this. Or like this.

INTERVIEWER: I see.

RESPONDENT: I can make it go like this. I was one of the best in the class.

INTERVIEWER: Is that right?

[32:49]

RESPONDENT: I was like oh that's really cool. Look at that. I knew that. How does that work, what happened? That's important. How does that work right now? But you don't [inaudible 32:59]. How does that work? What else can we do? What is the trick? I was like oh; it only works in this design. Then fuck it. That's not even useful. Why are we [inaudible 33:09]? Right.

INTERVIEWER: What did the instructors say?

RESPONDENT: He talked about the powers. You know. I think we can do things. You can no matter what it is. He said it was the great equalizer. He said these are all skills you can have and then they can all be equalized and that anyone can learn these things and these powers and do these things. Sort it out I'm trying to say. Knock the candy bar right out of my hand. But you [inaudible 33:49]. I went to like the vending machine and got a Snicker's bar and sat down in class and started eating it. He was like, what [inaudible 33:58] candy bar. I swear to God. Stole that right out of my hand. I'm like; he's like yeah [inaudible 34:03]. Jesus. Did that just fucking happen? Or was that some psychological [inaudible 34:14].

INTERVIEWER: Something.

RESPONDENT: So we have what happened.

INTERVIEWER: What happened.

RESPONDENT: And that's what is important. What happened. Seeing auras; it's never particularly good at seeing auras, although [inaudible 34:29] good people often said they did. The feeling it was very easy. We did this thing where we had two people. One people would sit down and close their eyes. The other two people would try to feel where [inaudible 34:52] around their body. And we found concentrations of it. You know the trauma, right. And so you would take this thing and you do a quick sketch of it and you draw circles around places where there were particular amounts of trauma. And one of his knees and shoulder and he was like yeah; yeah, I dislocated a shoulder and now I'm an [inaudible 32:54] internally injured my knee about how many years ago. For me it was a huge thing on my chest. All of a sudden I'm like well I've been sulking for a long time. You know.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah. You could have done anything else?

[35:41]

RESPONDENT: I don't know. How the fuck do I know, right?

INTERVIEWER: But smoking came to mind?

RESPONDENT: Yeah, but two people independently...

INTERVIEWER: Saw that.

RESPONDENT: Sensed something there.

INTERVIEWER: No, I mean out of other trauma, then smoking.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, I don't know. I really don't know. Smoking came to mind. Other than that I couldn't tell you. But yeah, I mean we don't know; we don't know the answers to these things. What happened? How did that work? That seems useful. That seems useful in diagnosis. That's a real thing. It was like where are the clusters of energy. Clusters of energy around trauma. You should look at that. Right. How can we try and be able to do that? That seems very useful to me.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah.

RESPONDENT: Right. So why aren't we...well we have studied that. What do we debunked about it? We should see that. What do we experience? What actually happened? Right. That's an important issue. Talks; different talks of like [inaudible 36:52] but a woman in Russia who could slide rocks about 10 ft. away on the ground. Out of her mind. Okay. That's interesting. We should figure out how that happens if that's real. For the fact that very big deal means that if you prove it will be [inaudible 37:24].

INTERVIEWER: Well yeah, all these things; there's a lot of speculation that the government was looking in to all of this stuff.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, and they found that like 60% of the accuracy.

INTERVIEWER: Did you see that movie the Men Who Stirred Goats?

RESPONDENT: What was that about?

INTERVIEWER: I think it was the...I don't know if it was the CIA; it might have been the CIA was trying to find people who had been [inaudible 37:51].

RESPONDENT: 60% accuracy is not really enough. Although that is apparently what is tactically radius psychic humilities. More than a 50% chance ability to predict the outcome of future events based on lack of information on them.

INTERVIEWER: It would be greater than chance.

[38:07]

RESPONDENT: Yeah, greater than chance. It's something. [inaudible 38:12] that dude who was on TV [inaudible 38:13]. He'll give you 80% chance of accuracy; 80% accuracy. And he's like...

INTERVIEWER: Oh is that right? Is that John...?

RESPONDENT: John Edwards I think. Yeah. So a couple of things. Either he's talking to ghosts. B.) Not ghosts, but those people in our life hanging around us in some sort of electromagnetic or some other force we don't understand yet. It can be interpreted by certain people who have a particular sensitivity to those. B.) He's one of the best cold readers in the world and he uses that to help people overcome trauma.

So interesting. But which of those three or an unknown fourth that is, is extremely important to understand.

INTERVIEWER: Rather than say, "It is what it is?"

RESPONDENT: It is what it is. Well what the fuck is it? Unchangeable. Nothing is unchangeable. There's no real constant except those we find in physics and even those we don't fully understand. Fucking equations for nuclear force magnetic force gravity. Those equations are all shared. Right. That same equation. And we go out; that's how we know these forces all behave similarly around different things. But the equation only works because of E. This is not the same E as E=mx2 (squared). This is E, which is like [inaudible 40:03] 1.97 something. It's some number that you multiply everything by and just do the equation or else it doesn't work. So what is that number? It's a very strange number. What's to say about our accounting system? That's such a weird number.

Let's look first [inaudible 40:25] this funny little trick. Okay. So I have this friend in college [inaudible 40:34]. It's like [inaudible 40:42]. He said [inaudible 40:44] time based 12. He's like everything times 12. But we do, not 10; the universe is based on 12. He's like so okay. Why?

Now, so I played the base 12 model for a while, but you know...and you have to make up two imaginary numbers to get 2010.

INTERVIEWER: Oh. Uh huh. Okay.

RESPONDENT: 2012 is now 10. And it does some interesting things. The most interesting thing about it...so in base 12 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, alpha beta, 10 right. Half of 10 is 6. Right. Half of 10 is 6 in this. When you calculate pi in base 12, instead of 3.14 and whatever, you get 2.64, exactly perfectly 2 1/2.

INTERVIEWER: Two and 2 2/3.

[41:53]

RESPONDENT: [inaudible 41:54].

INTERVIEWER: Oh is that right?

RESPONDENT: Six bar. It's base 12 times 10 is 6.

INTERVIEWER: But it's six bar, so it's six repeating?

RESPONDENT: Yeah, six forever. Infinitely 2 1/2. Perfectly 2 1/2.

INTERVIEWER: Just not like 2.55? It wouldn't be like 2.6666.

RESPONDENT: I guess it would. 2.6666666.

INTERVIEWER: It would be a little bit more. But it still gets us...

RESPONDENT: I suppose that's true. Very close. But also much more usable number.

INTERVIEWER: But it's a lot easier.

RESPONDENT: Yeah. That's interesting.

INTERVIEWER: That is interesting.

RESPONDENT: It is. Yeah.

INTERVIEWER: I've heard that. I've heard even base 6 is interesting.

RESPONDENT: Well there you go. I mean.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, and base 6 would be similar to 12.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, exactly.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah right.

RESPONDENT: That's interesting. So what does that say? Does that mean anything? Are we doing math wrong? Would we be better in math [inaudible 43:01]? Or we'd be like, oh no, this works now. Oh, look at that. It works. Yeah, math is the language we use to interpret value. Music is the way math sounds. Huh? Interesting isn't it? The way math sounds. But again, what if those things are real? This is where I struggle. Which of these things are real?

[43:45]

So I started meditated to see what I could gain from that. Even Sam Harris agrees that meditation is useful. I can do that. Mystical world says that meditation is [inaudible 43:58] meditation is useful, therefore I should go and do meditation.

INTERVIEWER: Oh yeah. It's funny; I was thinking about you as being a select candidate for Yoga.

RESPONDENT: I thought about Yoga and actually would like doing that.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah.

RESPONDENT: I really ought to, right?

INTERVIEWER: I think it would be interesting to see what it would do for you.

RESPONDENT: Yeah.

INTERVIEWER: I think it's fine for [inaudible 44:24].

RESPONDENT: Probably. I could really stand to be more flexible. Hurting myself.

INTERVIEWER: Huh, it'll do that.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, it builds all the right muscles too.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah. It's also very interesting for the mind.

RESPONDENT: That's what I understand. I hear that. Breathing. We're trying the following breath thing [inaudible 44:47]. Zen, I think is his last name. He's a logical realist, a mediator guy who put out a lot of books and a lot of seminars. So I watched a little quick thing with him. He talks about following your breath and following...and more meditation that's not for me to think [inaudible 45:04] around the thoughts of [inaudible 45:08]. Being able to see [inaudible 45:09].

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, yeah.

RESPONDENT: I don't know; that's very interesting. Like I do stuff like that. Sometimes in the right state of tiredness or bed, I try to detach myself [inaudible 45:23] and just see where they go. Then I fall asleep watching them. I had a friend to do it too. He called it coming attractions.

INTERVIEWER: So you didn't tell me what [inaudible 45:34].

RESPONDENT: So you're in bed and you'll close your eyes and things come across [inaudible 45:43].

INTERVIEWER: Sure.

RESPONDENT: And you just let those shapes and holds as far as you trying to follow them and crystallize them or make them go to some other state; control where they go. You simply let those things happen. That's a very interesting thing [inaudible 46:03]. So like come on when it happens. So it's like oh okay, that's interesting. Maybe that's when [inaudible 46:07] something like that. So I was trying to do; trying to do it every night now and I fall asleep. I don't know. That's a pretty common thing. I was trying to do it on the train here. I always follow my breath while sitting on the train. And some of these click and make sense or when he said breathing the things some of you do without thinking about it. Something happens regardless of what we're doing. Right. Really, I felt I never understood that. I felt my body breathing regardless of me and that was very interesting. So I'll keep working at that. And that works before we understand it. How else can it work? I always want to take it to mean more than what else can we do? I want to figure out what else can we do.

[47:20]

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, it's interesting how with Yoga and well you know it's funny. I guess like acupuncture is some way of getting that, the idea of energy...

RESPONDENT: Well there's some science to that. I understand [inaudible 47:34] talk that...yeah, so acupuncture is really [inaudible 47:37] with your body. And if you inject dye in to the [inaudible 47:40], the dye follows the line where as most other places it disperses.

INTERVIEWER: Is that right?

RESPONDENT: Most of the [inaudible 47:46] there. That's what...they cited some study where that happened. So there are meridian lines. That happens. I'm like okay that makes sense to me. That makes sense to me. The fact there's a field around people that can be seen. Where I have problems with the aura people is that saying it means this. So [inaudible 48:05] and it means this.

INTERVIEWER: Uh huh, uh huh.

RESPONDENT: The median...

INTERVIEWER: It means something but it we don't. Yeah...

RESPONDENT: And the median is a number of things that came to pass.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah they were too techs' out on this to...faith based mysticism.

RESPONDENT: Right. Exactly. And that's the problem. And the problem I ran into. I was just trying to explain how these things happen. But after a while you're like, okay, these things I'm thinking of are really far out. Like these can't be accurate. Right. Like or the world would be different. You know. So what's...so what is happening? So what is happening? So what has happened?

INTERVIEWER: Well that's interesting. I guess that's how discovery is made.

[48:48]

RESPONDENT: Sure, its curiosity, isn't it?

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, well I've seen something that other people can't.

RESPONDENT: Right, and I have nothing but curiosity. I remember when I was five I started asking questions. [inaudible 49:03] said you asked a lot of questions. He said that's really good. It's really important to ask a lot of questions.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, they also say you know like there's a lot of; there was actually a book written by this guy who was like a Bipolar researcher. I think he probably had some Bipolar himself. And he...he wrote a book. He was on the Jon Stewart show, the Colbert show about I think he called it manic personalities or something like that. So they're the greatest innovators, like Abe Lincoln.

RESPONDENT: Oh sure, because we're smart.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah.

RESPONDENT: Yeah, I mean those of us who are smart are, at the time, smarter than other people who are just as smart. We're just fascinating.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, and willing to look outside something and...

RESPONDENT: Yeah, because we can't help but see scenarios unfold faster than the other person.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah. I mean I think it's one of the theses. If it wasn't like for these people there would not be, or that element inside all of us in some way. But it's exaggerated in these individuals. Like we wouldn't; you know, we would not have innovation or discovery or...

[50:26]

RESPONDENT: Statement made by a person who does understand. It's one of the...it's in all of us. Yeah, okay, but not to the degree that...

INTERVIEWER: No.

RESPONDENT: If any comparable degree, right. It's like...

INTERVIEWER: No, I mean it in the sensitive way.

RESPONDENT: Yeah. He...

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, not in that way that these guys could stay there and live, I think, it's other theses like it's a painful life.

RESPONDENT: Yeah; yeah it is. And you know, if I could be in a place where I could make those changes, I'd change the face of video game QA Providence, right.

INTERVIEWER: You could?

RESPONDENT: I did it.

INTERVIEWER: And you did it.

RESPONDENT: I changed the work...places. People saw what I did. You know, like and it worked.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah.

RESPONDENT: But if I can be in more places where I can do more stuff like that.

INTERVIEWER: I think it's not...I don't think that's...I mean; maybe it's manic that you can see it or be able to do it, but it's not manic to think it's possible for you to really change...

RESPONDENT: I [inaudible 51:30] hiring manager. You do not understand how smart I am. I'm not coming across intelligent because I do.

INTERVIEWER: I know how to do this.

RESPONDENT: Well I know how to do the actual underlying thing, which is to solve problems. And that is the only skill; that is the only skill.

INTERVIEWER: But [inaudible 51:57].

RESPONDENT: Yeah. Well either you can do it or you can't. [inaudible 52:02] you do it is rebellious. Right. As noted by [inaudible 52:06], right. The speed at which you can...

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, it's true.

RESPONDENT: Hopefully that's it. It's just speed.

INTERVIEWER: It's a lot of speed, yeah.

RESPONDENT: And so I'm very gifted in that particular aspect of intelligence.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah.

RESPONDENT: Yep.

INTERVIEWER: Thursday.

RESPONDENT: Okay. Thank you.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah.

[END OF AUDIO.]

END TRANSCRIPT