TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: Hi. Come on in.

CLIENT: (inaudible)

THERAPIST: Good, thank you.

CLIENT: Sort of matching shirts.

THERAPIST: Yeah?

CLIENT: So, I'm officially done with my MA.

THERAPIST: Wow! Congratulations.

CLIENT: Thanks. Feels good. A big stress relief. This past week has been just focused on getting the final stuff in and I hit "submit" on the last item last night, so that feels much better getting that done especially with the last couple of days stressful. You know, my boss continues his inability to concentrate and it becomes my fault that it's the middle of the month and he still hasn't sent invoices to clients.

(Pause): [00:01:24 00:01:34]

CLIENT: Yeah, but actually I plan to start sending out rounds of job applications this week just because I've started to feeling like I'm hitting a breaking point there.

(Pause): [00:01:48 00:02:30]

CLIENT: I'm getting together with my friend, Kyle, for dinner tonight. So, that will be nice.

(Pause): [00:02:32 00:02:39]

CLIENT: I think we last got together two weeks ago, probably, because he needed to pick something up.

(Pause): [00:02:43 00:04:22]

CLIENT: We've been getting into a nice (unclear); been chatting on and off online and whatnot, so -

(Pause): [00:04:30 00:04:44]

CLIENT: And I've been having more moments the last week at least I don't know if it's just all the stress with school or work I don't know what it was but I'm having more of these moments where I'll look at things and over-analyze some things with regard to Liam and myself and, you know, and one thing I'll think about is every year around the same time he always got really stressed out and it was always around this time, you know, around the end of his spring semester.

(Pause): [00:05:36 00:05:44]

CLIENT: You know, he'd start talking about how we don't hang out with enough people but it's usually a result of the fact that he's busy every Saturday and Sunday with his schoolwork. And then the minute that was done, usually the months of June and July on to August we have been busy almost every weekend with friends or going somewhere.

(Pause): [00:06:20 00:06:43]

CLIENT: I've been trying not to over analyze that too much just because it's making me feel a little, I won't say angry, but a little resentment towards him because he put a lot of stuff on me and when I look back at it, it's like well he's just as much at fault here as I am, I feel. And I'm not denying that. I had a strong role to play in his decisions but -

(Pause): [00:07:27 00:08:07]

CLIENT: I always felt that he would think about these things that in theory seem perfectly fine and a great idea and then in reality realize, 'oh, that's not the case, like, multiple times he would say, you know we he misses D.C., we should eventually maybe move back to D.C. because of the tight community of friends there and then, you know, times we would go visit these friends, you know, he would comment how he always forgot how they could be sometimes and how miserable it actually could be living there with them, but he constantly would forget that and go in circles and I think that's one of the things that might have spurred my frustrations. You know, going into certain situations is he would only look at one side of something. You know either realize that there's a not so pleasant side to it or that in reality it just isn't practical.

(Pause): [00:09:35 [00:12:47]

THERAPIST: You're (unclear) today.

CLIENT: My mind is just a little blank. I don't know.

(Pause): [00:12:54 00:13:08]

CLIENT: That's the main thing that I've been thinking about lately. It's just reflecting on instances like that and then work and school stress, which is over and (deep breath), yeah.

(Pause): [00:13:34 00:14:22]

CLIENT: I got a little annoyed at a friend a mutual friend the other day because he said something that sort of something that I'd never thought about, never even questioned, but he said something that sparked a thought in my head which I've since dismissed. The thought had crossed my mind until he mentioned it. We were talking about his home relationship problems and he's always having trouble finding somebody and you know, it turned out someone who turned him down actually lied to him, telling him that they were with someone else so that they were interested in someone else when they seemed to have a history of just playing games with people like that. And you know, I was putting myself in his position, saying I would be just as upset as you if I found out someone lied to me like that, or played that sort of game with me and he thought I was talking about my situation with Liam and you know, mentioned that he wouldn't divulge anything between that either of us said to him to the other and it sort of sparked a thought in my head of, 'well gee, what do you mean by that?' And I, in the context of his conversation, what do you mean by that? And I didn't ask him because I he's a mutual friend and he's been a good friend of mine quite a while now and I didn't want to put him in that awkward of a situation and honestly did not want to know what he could have meant, but I just clarified that I was putting myself in his situation.

(Pause): [00:16:55 00:17:01]

THERAPIST: So he misunderstood what you were referring to.

CLIENT: Yeah, he thought I was talking about if I found out that Liam lied to me or had something else going on that sparked a breakup, when in actuality I was putting myself in this friend's place saying I would feel the same way he does if I was in his place. That you would look up to somebody and it turns out they're just playing a game with you.

(Pause): [00:17:33 00:17:43]

CLIENT: But for a moment I had questioned myself, whether, you know, whether Liam could have done something like that and I eventually dismissed it.

(Pause); [00:17:57] 00:18:07]

CLIENT: It's a thought that never really crossed my mind because I couldn't see him doing that and you know, that's why I quickly dismissed it because somebody puts it in your head and you think about it for a moment and then you know, you sort of snap back into reality.

(Pause): [00:18:28 00:19:19]

CLIENT: It's still a bit awkward though because a lot of our friends who aren't local don't really know as far as I know, they don't really know unless things have leaked through the grapevine, as they tend to do it's not like we went out and made some huge announcement. And I think the way we agreed, is people find out as they find out. But it's just it's still weird when you talk to someone like a friend I have, a friend who lives up in Maine, I haven't heard from in a couple of years, actually sent me a message last night and we started talking and I had mentioned, 'oh yeah, by the way -

(Pause): [00:20:21 00:20:21]

THERAPIST: You know, I quickly glanced at your e-mail you had sent it to me I think just an hour ago.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: So. Yeah, I quickly glanced at it. Was it easier to e-mail me than talk about it? Or you just wanted to -

CLIENT: I don't know. I just wanted to, yeah, get it out there 'cause you had mentioned to e-mail you and I completely, I spaced on it until late last night and yeah, I think when I ran the numbers, I think what I said, sixty that came to 240 or something?

THERAPIST: I think that's I hadn't really opened it up, I mean, I saw that you e-mailed me and I went to go get you, so was that what it was 60?

CLIENT: That's what I'd mentioned. Yeah, 60 which comes to 240. That would be best we could plan it month by month depending on if I'm able to find a new, slightly better paying job. Before (unclear) I'd mentioned I'd hoped to have something before the end of this summer and -

THERAPIST: I understand you can't control these things.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Let me think. I think I would be okay with 70. Sixty is a little bit low. I think I could do 70, though. Is that something that you would be able to do?

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean that's only an extra -

THERAPIST: Forty.

CLIENT: Forty, yeah. That's fine.

THERAPIST: Is that okay? I can do 70.

CLIENT: Okay. I think that's [cell phone vibration?] me today.

THERAPIST: That may be that you have it on silent but (inaudible).

CLIENT: I just figured out how to use the "do not disturb" function on mine.

THERAPIST: Where is it?

CLIENT: The 'do not disturb'?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: It's under general.

THERAPIST: Is that under settings?

CLIENT: Under settings, under general.

THERAPIST: So then it shouldn't even vibrate.

CLIENT: It shouldn't.

THERAPIST: Is what I'll need to do.

CLIENT: (Laughs)

THERAPIST: Just really turn it off. I don't really need to keep it on.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Because it still makes noise when you put it on vibrate.

CLIENT: Yeah. And that's what I recently found out when mine is on the do not disturb function.

THERAPIST: Cool.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You learned something new.

CLIENT: Learn something new every day. That's what I try.

(Pause): [00:23:17 00:23:28]

CLIENT: My friend has been talking to me about a side gig he has and I may look into it because it seems to be good money. And it's something I can do. I need, I want to find something to fill my void now that I don't have schoolwork eating up every evening and weekend. So I'm going to check that out.

(Pause): [00:23:59 00:24:16]

CLIENT: Again this past week I've been realizing that it's, the commute that I make to get out to the Village and the headaches I deal with were just not worth it. Where were you coming from?

CLIENT: Providence. So it's, you know, it's not a long commute, but it's two trains and a bus. So it's a lot of stopping, going and transferring.

THERAPIST: Can you not drive because of your vision?

CLIENT: I can drive. I'm limited to daytime only driving and I've actually not driven alone yet. So that' s but I can drive. I've got a Zipcar membership and I'm not I usually leave at 5:30 in the evening, so during the winter it really I wouldn't be able to drive home because it's usually dark around four up here.

THERAPIST: Did you just learn to drive?

CLIENT: Two years ago. I didn't need it previously and then when Liam and I started driving to Vermont it just became practical.

CLIENT: And he's the only person I've ever driven with and it's a little nerve wracking because he knows what he needs to do when I'm driving as far as just being my navigator.

(Pause): [00:26:18 00:26:26]

CLIENT: I sort of feel that comfort level. I also really dislike city driving. I feel really uncomfortable city driving. I prefer highway driving as there's less worry regarding pedestrians, cyclists, and whatnot.

(Pause): [00:26:48 00:27:21]

THERAPIST: What were you doing in Vermont?

CLIENT: His family has a cabin up there that we always went to in the summer and a couple of weekends.

(Pause): [00:27:34 00:27:34]

CLIENT: We had a nice eight hours, seven or eight-hour drive.

(Pause): [00:27:43 00:27:50]

THERAPIST: What do you think it will be like driving alone?

(Pause): [00:27:51 00:28:00]

CLIENT: I think it would be I think I would be fine. I'm just still a little nervous like I trust myself because I recognize and acknowledge my own limitations. Like I would never intentionally put myself into a situation especially driving, where I know this potential for something, but I still fear driving alone that I could still somehow find myself in a situation where I'm either in an area I have no clue where I'm at and I can't quite navigate my way out of it because I can't see street signs as far ahead as some people can. (Pause) I fear not having, even though I've never depended on that second set of eyes in the car, I have this fear of not having that second set of eyes and getting into some sort of accident or hitting something.

(Pause): [00:29:36 00:29:44]

CLIENT: If you have that second set of eyes it's almost like a nice safety net someone to say, 'oh, hey, watch out.' You know?

(Pause): [00:29:54 00:30:18]

CLIENT: It's kind of interesting because I think I said that more to Liam when we were driving together than he ever said that to me because I just, I never, I usually over compensated and paid more attention to my surroundings.

(Pause): [00:30:40 00:31:35]

CLIENT: I mentioned, talked to him about moving more of his stuff, just 'cause I'm trying to get myself into a new routine and you know, a lot of his clothes and stuff is still in the condo.

THERAPIST: He hasn't moved out yet?

CLIENT: I'd say 50% of his stuff is out. I lot of it is just clothes and books. I offered him my bicycle because I don't ride it around the city that much so, he's going to take that, too. But that's whenever the main thing is it's clothes and books. Because every time he comes to get something he only has a couple of bags or a backpack. So I kind of just need him to drive down with his father's car or grab a Zipcar and drive down.

(Pause): [00:32:58 00:33:25]

CLIENT: Part of me feels the weird obligation that, well, gee you know, it's his condo, too, and he's still paying but at the same time it's like, well, he's not living there and I'm trying to move on and so I kind of shouldn't be obligated to have to keep looking at all his stuff.

(Pause): [00:33:52 00:34:02]

CLIENT: At the same time I don't want to come across as, 'hey, you gave stuff out.' That wouldn't be nice.

(Pause): [00:34:11 00:34:39]

THERAPIST: What will you do with the condo? Do you know?

CLIENT: I'm not sure yet. And it's a bit of a big fear right now. We discussed that we're going to revisit that situation in October because a condo trust requires you to be there for a year if you're going before you rent, if you decide to rent. So October would be when we could do that. And that's option one. But I would have to go and rent elsewhere and renting in the city is not easy or cheap. We could sell it but that would cost us much more money than renting it and me having to go rent something just because we've only had to be here and we wouldn't have we wouldn't be able to recoup any lost costs in closing and whatnot. And then the other option is that I could slowly try to take the burden off of him but that depends on my own job situation and I've got student loans coming up in January. So it's sort of a scary thought and something I'm trying not to think of right now just because I have no clue. All of the options would require some money to be pulled out of somewhere.

THERAPIST: When you said, 'I try not to think about it,' it made me think about my asking you about feeling sad about you and Liam breaking up and you're saying you're trying not to think about it because it might be sad.

CLIENT: This I try not to think about because it's a scary situation if I, you know, there's a few options and all of those options are straightforward so no matter how much I think about all of those options, there is really this that's it it's one of those options is going to have to be what happens and not knowing those unknowns regarding finances and what will be going on in my life in October, you know? It's a few months down the road, so the only thing I can try and do is prepare for it and keep my finances in a bit of a secure place.

THERAPIST: What feels scary about it?

CLIENT: The financial strain. You know, if I go to rent someplace, it's going to be a few thousand dollar offset at the beginning because of the deposits and security and whatnot. And then getting somebody to rent this place which I don't think we'd have a problem with getting someone to rent for what we would need just because of the location and amenities. But then the fear that if there's a period of what if there is nobody renting it? Would we be prepared to cover those costs ourselves in addition to have our own individual living expenses? So that's my fears are primarily financial with regard to the condo.

THERAPIST: Will you have enough?

CLIENT: You know, we purchased the place with enough of a comfort level that if either one of us was ever unemployed, the mortgage could be covered on one's salary and things would be tight, but you know, not Ramen noodle tight. And you know, right now I could, if I didn't have my student loan payments coming up, I could potentially, you know, if I found a job with even a slightly better salary, I could probably make it on my own. But with those loans coming up it throws a bit of a wrench into things and creates a lot of unknown fears.

(Pause): [00:40:41 00:41:00]

CLIENT: That's the whole that's one of my feelings surrounding all of this is you plan certain things with safety nets and suddenly those nets are just pulled out from under you and times are a bit more stable now, but still uneasy and there are still a lot of fears out there.

(Pause): [00:41:27 00:41:44]

THERAPIST: The fear of what will happen.

CLIENT: (Pause) Pretty much.

(Pause): [00:41:49 00:42:06]

CLIENT: And part of me is also stubborn and doesn't want to move out of the condo, but it's you know, that's not driving my choices because I know that's a not a practical reaction to have. In the end that may probably be the only solutions for us to find somebody to rent to and you know, to need to get a cheap apartment, try to find a cheap apartment in this city where something -

(Pause): [00:42:40 00:42:50]

THERAPIST: Do you like the condo?

CLIENT: It's a good location. It's a nice place. I enjoy it. You know, I've gotten over, I've gotten past the feeling of I still feel this is "our home," you know, but I've sort of move past that now a bit.

(Pause): [00:43:25 00:43:34]

CLIENT: I think the convenience of it and the nicety of it in a sense makes it easier. I like it and it sort of overshadows some of those fears and after renting in the city for so many years, I really, I do not want to go back to renting in the city. New York is a horrible city to rent in. I mean, that's the thing. If I end up renting, I'm going to be spending pretty much my entire savings to move into a place and then paying almost as much as a mortgage for a place that's not quite as nice.

THERAPIST: And it's not your home.

CLIENT: Exactly.

THERAPIST: We're going to need to stop for today, okay? But I will see you next week.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Great. (Pause) Take care.

CLIENT: You too. I've enjoyed (inaudible).

THERAPIST: (inaudible).

END TRANSCRIPT