Client "R", Session April 22, 2013: Client discusses apartment-hunting, possibly moving into her boyfriend's group housing situation, and her financial issues. trial

in Integrative Psychotherapy Collection by Caryn Bello, Psy.D.; presented by Caryn Bello, 1974- (Alexandria, VA: Alexander Street, 2013), 1 page(s)

TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:


BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: So where should we pick up today?

CLIENT: I'm not sure. I guess the whole finances thing.

THERAPIST: Have you talked to parents again?

CLIENT: Yeah. So here's the I then was okay if it's going to become between finding a new place and keeping therapy, then I guess I can give up on finding a new place and stay in the house. However, then when I talked to Aaron about it, he actually wants me out in September. So I don't have that option anymore.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: Which, I mean on the one hand it means I'm not in flux about whether or not I have to move and I can start packing.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: But on the other hand, it means I have to move and I don't think I'm going to find a place that's less expensive. And my parents, like I have to give them a new budget because originally, because they said they'd pay me the difference between what I'm making now and what I would be earning in a real job. So that would be full time.

Which, you know, I was like, okay, well I'd be getting thirty to forty thousand a year which would be a twelve to twenty two thousand dollar difference, or a thousand to eighteen thirty three a month. And then, of course, and they were like, "Okay, we'll give you eleven hundred." And then I was like wait, "No, actually I'm making fifteen thousand a year, not nineteen thousand." [00:01:22]

And then they're like, "Okay, let's see a budget." (laughs) And, I mean, I guess I'm going to have to make multiple budgets because I don't know where I'm going to live.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And how much that would cost. So it's like, on the one hand, I guess it's just (sigh) (sounds like crying) you know, if I find a place that's really cheap then I'm fine. But if I find a place that is that full eleven hundred, then I have to rely on all the money that I'm making from work for everything else.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: Which I'm worried if I cut it too close for things then I won't ever be able to take a sick day ever or anything, because I won't be making enough money to make ends meet.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: You know, and I don't like that lack of flexibility. Like I don't mind working extra hours, but it's hard to make up for, you know, there's only so much I can do. Like, you know, I can get in at nine and stay until six everyday, which actually does make more sense because leaving at five and leaving at six get me home around the same time. [00:02:32]

THERAPIST: Mm. So you might as well be working rather than sitting in traffic.

CLIENT: Yeah. You know, and I like my job so I don't mind staying.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: But it's just, you know, so maybe I'll be making like twelve hundred a month. And maybe that's enough for everything.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: But if there are any days that I don't, like too, for example next week is tech week and all of those days I'm going to get in at noon because rehearsal, I have to be there. Rehearsal goes late and I want to get a decent amount of sAaronp so I can get, you know, to work safely.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So if I leave, you know, if I sAaronp until like eight in the morning instead of six and leave around nine. I guess I'd get there more around eleven.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: But, still, it wouldn't be a full day because, you know, I'd be coming in later than I normally do.

THERAPIST: Mm. But that's one week.

CLIENT: That's one week.

THERAPIST: When you think about sort of general life and a budget that would work -

CLIENT: Uh huh.

THERAPIST: think about what's the most likely scenario rather than concentrating on the weeks that are abnormal due to tech week or having a sick day. [00:03:44]

CLIENT: So even the following week, or two weeks after. Two weeks after that I'm going to have to miss two days for Shavuot. So there's a lot of time that I will be missing there and, therefore, it's just that I haven't had a whole pay cycle where I've worked the full twenty four hours a week for even one of those weeks. Usually something ends up happening that I'm a little later, or leave a little early or something.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: I don't -

THERAPIST: So that seems consistent.

CLIENT: Yeah. So, yeah, um. (pause) (sniffling) I'm consistently not doing the full twenty four hours a week.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And the full twenty four hours a week is the sixteen thousand I'd be making a year.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So, I would be making less than that so I'm really freaked out now, especially if I can't find a place and I'm looking and it's sort of hard to find anything. [00:04:45]

THERAPIST: Are there ways for you to get those full twenty four hours?

CLIENT: Um.

THERAPIST: Like you're missing two days for Shavuot, but can you go in two other days that week?

CLIENT: (sigh) Not, I mean, I can probably come in. I couldn't, with my schedule as it is now I wouldn't be able to come in on the Monday. I would be able to do Friday possibly. But so I could get one of those days back, but I couldn't get both of those days back.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And for tech week I guess I could also come in that Friday, but I'd have to be coming in late and leaving early for Shavuot. So it seems like at that point it's not really worth it to pay for the gas to commute.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So I can't always make it up.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: You know, at least now no more snowstorms but I can't make up the time that I missed. I mean, I can stay later. [00:05:53]

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: And if I keep on staying later then that's something. And if I do it consistently. Like I don't think there are any problems with me working more in a given week. Because they have the grant and I think it's just, you know, it's enough for me to finish the project. And if I finish the project, if I somehow could do everything faster and, you know, get done with the project in like eight months or something and already start the job search for the next job.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: That would be okay. And I'm wondering if that's my best bet. Except that, I mean, I guess I could work more slowly on the last few log books if I'm still looking for a job.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: But I'm getting faster now. It's a lot easier now that I've read enough crazy handwritings that I can get it without having to spend the first few pages not knowing half of what they're saying. [00:06:55]

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: So it's just a matter of time. And having no free time and the whole house situation. Until I find a new place I'm still in there. Maybe I could take off a week for packing. But it's really, but then I don't have this much money.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So it's really scary.

THERAPIST: What is Aaron's reasoning for wanting you to leave?

CLIENT: Because I'm, okay, so when I was going crazy with having too much stress and I sent out an e-mail asking if we could talk about possibly not having communal dinners anymore.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: Because it's not working.

THERAPIST: Mm hm. I remember having conversations about that.

CLIENT: Yeah. I sent out that e-mail. So from that, and from the fact that I'm not over as often because I'm over at Sydney's place, because Sydney doesn't feel as comfortable with my place. And not having the time to go back and forth between both places while I'm working, like those days. He's like, "Oh, well you're not involved enough. And it seems you don't want to do the whole communal thing." And I'm like, "Well you're the one making it, like " [00:08:05]

You know by having, you know, (sniffling) effectively kicked Eliza and Aimee out like with the whole they need, you know, that Aaron was going to remodel their apartment, even though now he doesn't have the money to remodel it anymore this year.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: They are being kicked out. So now there are four people doing all the chores.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So it's really not sustainable that way. And Eliza and Aimee and me are the only ones who actually end up doing dishwashing or any of those chores. No one else [was up there]. (ph) So it's going to fall apart.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: I just happen to see it coming. But I wasn't going to argue with him. But that happened on Monday and so now I'm just (deep breath) So I'm really, like I know I'll be happier overall if I find a place.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: It's just I'm afraid that I'm going to have to use the full amount that my parents are giving me on rent and not have money left over for other things. And just be keeping it very close. [00:09:12]

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And I don't even know if I could find a good therapist in my health insurance. Do you even know people who take mine?

THERAPIST: I don't know off the top of my head.

CLIENT: Uh huh.

THERAPIST: But I'm sure there are good therapists. It's a big health insurance plan.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: But off the top of my head I can't give you a name.

CLIENT: Okay. So I don't know. I guess if we were doing sliding scale, I don't know. I probably could do like (sigh)

THERAPIST: Well it sounds like you have a budget to work out. And part of what you need to figure out You know, first you need to It's a little early to look for places for September.

CLIENT: Well I mean I could look for them for June.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: I can move out anywhere between.

THERAPIST: Oh you can.

CLIENT: I can.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: It's just I need to move out by September.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: So I have that big window open. (sniffling)

THERAPIST: So it seems like first what you need to do is kind of figure out what your budget is. And the biggest piece of that budget is going to be rent. So getting an idea of what's out there for June. Now is a good time to start looking for June places. [00:10:32]

CLIENT: Uh huh.

THERAPIST: And instead of guessing what you might be paying or fearing what you might be paying, getting some idea of what you might be paying.

CLIENT: Okay, but until then, the thing is my parents are cutting me off and they're changing to just giving me that amount of money in May. So if we were doing the sliding scale thing that would have to start happening now.

THERAPIST: Okay. So then what you need to do is, in order to create We can't pick a number and have it move around every month.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Because I can't set my expectations that way. So I still think what you need to do is get a realistic idea of what you're going to be spending on rent, so that you can estimate how much of what your parents are going to give you is going to go to that.

CLIENT: Uh huh.

THERAPIST: And it's going to be an estimate because -

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Because you are going to be looking at it from what you see out there.

CLIENT: I mean, from what I've been seeing, the places that are studios and stuff are somewhere between nine hundred and eleven hundred.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: So I'm pretty sure most of my money from my parents is going to rent. [00:11:35]

THERAPIST: So then you need to figure out what's left over and how much of that can you, do you want to or need to devote to have mental health.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And then give me a number of what that breaks out to for you, and then I can see if I can work with that.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: And if that's feasible then we can do that. If that's not feasible, then we work together to get you hooked up with somebody in your network.

CLIENT: Okay. Yeah. (sigh) (pause) I mean I guess it's just, yeah. I'm just so terrified that I'm not going to have enough money to live off of.

THERAPIST: Mm. It's a scary prospect.

CLIENT: And (sigh, deep breath) the whole like them telling me, "Oh, well people change therapists all the time." I'm like, that's not actually People change therapists all the time when either they don't like their therapist or their insurance changes or they move. People don't change therapists when therapy is working. [00:12:43]

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And they are not being forced to by some other means.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: That like now I'm just, you know, they are the ones that told me not to worry about it at first and that they would pay out of pocket. And now they can't. (crying)

THERAPIST: So it sounds like something has changed for them financially?

CLIENT: Yeah. The store isn't making as much money as they thought it would.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: (sniffling) Like at least they've also cut the family vacation thing that they wanted to do.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: Because they realized that that wasn't feasible.

THERAPIST: They're not punishing you.

CLIENT: They're not punishing me, but they are making my life significantly harder. (sniffling) And that in combination with Aaron wanting me out. I mean he's also adopting a second child. And considering how bad he is about cleaning up after one child, I don't think he'll be any better cleaning up after two children.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: It will just be even crazier.

THERAPIST: That's not really a good fit for you.

CLIENT: It's not a good fit for me. (sigh) I just don't know if I'm going to be able to find a place that I can actually afford, and that doesn't make my commute even harder. [00:13:56]

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: If I move out to like something that's going to make my commute longer.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: (sniffling) So, yeah, so now I'm just under all this stress ever and there is nothing I can do about it until I find a place. Like I can at least start packing, but I can't -

THERAPIST: Would that actually make your life easier?

CLIENT: (sigh) I don't know. I mean I guess it would make it easier if I then had a move in date of June 1st. And it would be like, "Ooh look, half my stuff is already packed."

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: But it won't make the anxiety any less. But at least I'd be doing something productive with my life. (ph) So, yeah. I'm not opposed to say like starting to take every Friday or Sunday and devote it to cleaning up my room and getting stuff out. [00:15:02]

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: Like Sydney finally took out the clavichord (ph), even though he still has his tea and other things in there. At least that's a start.

THERAPIST: Well even just doing some seasonal stuff for yourself, like putting away winter clothing or boxing that up or something might feel like a, you know, a reasonable step to take.

CLIENT: Maybe. But I am wearing a sweater today. So clearly it's been going back and forth so I don't want to put away my sweaters until I'm not wearing them at all.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And also my work is cold.

THERAPIST: Ah.

CLIENT: So, I mean, I guess that part could be solved with having my zip up sweatshirt or something out.

THERAPIST: Yeah. Leaving some out but not necessarily -

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean maybe that would help.

THERAPIST: It might just make you feel like you're doing something if there is stuff that you are not using. [00:16:03]

CLIENT: Yeah. And I think the bigger thing I need to do is get rid of all the clothes that don't fit anymore. I mean, even if I do successfully lose weight I'll probably still want new things by then because a lot of them are old. (sniffling)

THERAPIST: Yeah. So that might be -

CLIENT: Yeah. I need to do a clothing purge. And I also put up a twenty percent discount code for my store, which hasn't actually been used yet. But I'm like, okay, I want to, you know, I'll keep this going until at least June 1st.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: If you buy yarn from me then I have less yarn that I have to pack up and move.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: So if people actually take me up on that and buy yarn for twenty percent off, then that will also make it a little easier.

THERAPIST: Mm hm. Yeah, so those are good steps to take.

CLIENT: (sniffling) Yeah. So much and, yeah, I guess I'll have to just start putting boxes in the TV room or something like that. And people can deal with it. Or in the meat kitchen because that's where Aaron had there stuff in there for several months when he was switching rooms. [00:17:20]

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: So I think I am totally entitled to have boxes.

THERAPIST: You can do the same. Yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah. It's just like really hard. And, you know, whether or not I have to ask my parents whether or not they'd be willing to pay for a moving company to move my furniture. Because I really don't want to do the whole U-Haul thing again like I did with Sydney's stuff.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And I mean Sydney said he is willing to help me haul things and have his friends help out this time. Because my friends had helped out when he moved.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: But (sniffling) I just think it would go a lot more smoothly with professionals.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: But I don't know how much they would cost and how much they would save my sanity and make it worth it. And I can't even try to book them yet since I don't even have a move in date.

THERAPIST: You don't know when. Right. I think really the first step is to find a space. [00:18:21]

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: I mean you can do some prep work in your room like doing a clothing purge, because that is something that is going to help you regardless.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: But really you need to have a target. You need to find a space so that you can figure out how much it's going to be so that you can figure out the rest of what the budget is.

CLIENT: Mm hm.

THERAPIST: And have a date that you're shooting for.

CLIENT: Yeah. And [there's an e-mail about] (ph) roommates that posted on Facebook and I wrote (inaudible at 00:18:47) And I got one response. My friend Kim had another friend who needs a roommate, but, I mean well, A, I had written back to her and I haven't heard since so maybe they found something else. But also that place is a room in the house and is a thousand dollars a month.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: Which I'm like, I could probably get a studio for that much.

THERAPIST: And you would prefer to live on your own.

CLIENT: I think so. I mean, it sounds like it would be a nice situation and it's a nice room and, you know, they cook together sometimes and stuff. But it's not like super duper communal living. Plus I didn't hear back, but I think I'd rather have my own place.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: I'd rather have a not so nice looking studio as long as I actually had enough space. But, yeah, the other thing is the whole not wanting to drag my laundry all the way to a laundromat. And having a place to do laundry, washing and drying. Not all places have that. Even if they had the hookups for it, I'd be okay buying my own washer and dryer. [00:19:57]

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: But I can't do the whole laundromat thing. I just can't. Because I can't really carry that much at once. You know, I did that before.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: When I was living in the old place and it was only like a block away.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: And then, you know, of course I'd let laundry, like do it only once a month or whatever. And then I'd have to carry out everything. So it just, I don't know, maybe that's putting an unreasonable requirement on it. You know, to find a place that has in building laundry.

THERAPIST: Well if it's one of your "must haves," it's one of your must haves.

CLIENT: Yeah, but if it's making me essentially not be able to get a place.

THERAPIST: Mm. Well you don't know that yet. It doesn't sound like you've done a ton looking.

CLIENT: I've done a little bit of looking. Like I spent a day looking on Craigslist and I can do that again.

THERAPIST: Yeah, and I think it sounds like you need to put in -

CLIENT: Also, I contacted the real estate agent that Eliza and Aimee worked with to find their place and wrote him back. And he wrote me back the first time and then I wrote him back again. And then I realized that, because I had told him originally a date between May 1st and September 1st. And I realized that May 1st was tech week. [00:21:16]

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And therefore I should start with June 1st. And I asked if it was too soon and I haven't heard from him since.

THERAPIST: And when was that communication?

CLIENT: That was this past Thursday, maybe even before that. Oh no. I think last Tuesday. So it's been a lot more days that he hasn't contacted me that he could've been able to.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: So I don't know what's up with that either.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: (sniffling) So, yeah. Trying to find a place is just going to be so hard that I don't know. (pause) But now I have to.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: (strained voice, possibly crying) And it's not an option anymore. And the backup plan. Like I could, in theory, depending on what his roommates think. One of Sydney's roommates, the one who has a room right next to him, is moving out. [00:22:25]

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: So that could be my back up plan. And I know it would be, like Sydney pays seven fifty five a month and the other room is smaller so the person there pays less than that.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So it would be cheap. And then I could use -

THERAPIST: How do you get along with his other roommates?

CLIENT: They're fine. I don't Sometimes I get annoyed when they don't do dishes, but I don't get annoyed at them and they did the dishes more than the people at my house do. So, I mean, I'm over there a lot and I feel like I am perhaps sort of over there too much. But they know that I'm taking care of Sydney.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And now at least, you know, I'm not spending all the time in the house. Most of the time that I'm over is when I'm not at work and then about to go to sleep or something.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So they might be open (ph) with it. They know that I actually do chores and stuff. [00:23:28]

THERAPIST: How would you feel about moving into his apartment?

CLIENT: I mean, I guess my only concern would be if we broke up, which I don't think we're going to do. And because what I'd do is then put my bed in storage and share his bed, and then have a room that was a much larger room now that a bed wasn't taking up space.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: And I actually would have enough space to have all my things there and it wouldn't be as scary and crazy. (sniffle)

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: And the other thing is, I mean maybe I'm already putting in too many more requirements, but I'd like to get a set of kittens. Which I wouldn't be able to do at Sydney's place if I got the room there.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: You know, so then to find a place that's cat friendly is, um (pause) I mean a lot more places are cat friendly than dog friendly. So I might be able to find that. [00:24:30]

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: Like the place that's a nine hundred a month. The other person, one of the people there has two cats.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So I'd be okay with that because I am sure they are not as evil as my current cat.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And I can deal with evil cats so I can definitely deal with not evil cats. So, yeah.

THERAPIST: Is that an expense or responsibility that you really want to take on right now?

CLIENT: Um. I don't know. But the thing is if I had kittens, Sydney would be coming to my place more so I wouldn't have to worry about -

THERAPIST: You sure?

CLIENT: Yes. I mean he has said as much.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And if it was my own place then he wouldn't have to worry about not feeling comfortable with other roommates around. And he could hang out and, you know, play with the kittens during the day if they're not No, I wouldn't do it right away and probably like wait a couple of months and see how it goes.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: But, I mean, that would be another reason why I wouldn't want to have as many other expenses. You know, just in case I have to take them to the vet for something not routine. [00:25:35]

THERAPIST: Yeah. That can be expensive.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I know that. Other than that, they're not expensive to keep if they are healthy. And my parents did say, you know, "Keep the credit card that we paid for in case of emergency." And since they've owned cats themselves they probably would be okay paying if there was some sort of cat emergency.

THERAPIST: Being okay paying and being able to pay, they are not the same thing.

CLIENT: Yeah. That's true.

THERAPIST: I mean, it sounds like your parents financial situation is not what they anticipated it being.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So what they are willing to pay for and what they are able to pay for might not be lined up.

CLIENT: Maybe. (ph) I think they are able to pay for that more than they might be willing to pay for. I mean they just are looking for ways to get their expenses. down. The thing is, they sold the other house. They are no longer paying for two houses. They got the money for that house. I don't know where it went. I mean, some of went into paying off the mortgage for the new house. [00:26:36]

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: But now they are not paying a mortgage, and they are not paying property taxes on the other place. They have their condo bills and their health insurance. I don't know where all their money is going, but they clearly have the hundred or two hundred dollars that it takes to sponsor a Kiddush in Grandma's name this past weekend for her birthday and stuff.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So, how much does a vet visit cost?

THERAPIST: I'm not a pet owner. I don't know.

CLIENT: Okay. And I guess I could put the cat thing off. I would be fine saving up for a year, and in which case that would make Sydney's place a better backup plan.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: I guess I can see how things go. But I don't want to ask too soon.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: Like they haven't started looking for a roommate yet. They don't want to ask before I mean, if they think I'm over too much, I mean, then I'd be paying rent and stuff. [00:27:40]

THERAPIST: Mm hm. And it wouldn't be an additional body in the house. You'd be an expected body in the house.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I'd be paying rent. And it would solve the whole Sydney not feeling comfortable going over to my place. And it would solve the whole my room doesn't have enough space for my things issue.

THERAPIST: Mm hm. Yeah, because you would have your own space.

CLIENT: Yeah. He was the one who had brought it up originally. And if I tell him I think I should save up money so I can be more responsible and get cats in a year from now or when I get a real job, then maybe (inaudible at 00:28:18). You know, maybe he'll think of it as more as not a backup plan but a plan.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And then I could also get a head start on moving things.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: I finally got him to get the cardboard boxes, like most of them, out of the room last night. So, yeah.

THERAPIST: That sounds like progress.

CLIENT: Yeah. And, I mean, we wouldn't be seeing each other any more or less than we currently do.

THERAPIST: How are things going with you guys?

CLIENT: I mean, they are going okay. I think it was mostly the stress of not knowing what I was going to do and like expenses and stuff. We've been fine for the past week or so. Yeah. I think, (pause) yeah. There have been some small fights, but there haven't been any large fights. And, I mean, they are usually caused by me being stressed. [00:29:19]

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: It's always me who gets upset first. So I think if I can control it.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: I know that I want to be with him, so (sniffling) Yeah, it's just been the fact that I've been going crazy with all the stress over my living situation. The fact that I have to move.

THERAPIST: Well before the living situation became stressful, you had been quite upset with the level of physical intimacy.

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean, that's finally getting better. Like I think I think he's finally found a combination of drugs that's working. So, that is getting better.

THERAPIST: Mm. That's good to hear. Making sure, basing the living decision, if you're going to move into his apartment, you know, basing the living decision not just on what makes sense financially, but also making sure that the relationship is solid.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And a relationship in which you'd want to be living with your boyfriend. [00:30:26]

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: There's two pieces there. It's, you know, not just the logistics but also the emotional part of moving into the apartment that your boyfriend lives in.

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean, (inaudible at 00:30:40) is could, you know, put the bed in it. I mean it would really suck if we broke up. So it's taking a huge risk.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: But I don't think we would've been staying together for over a year and stuff, even through all the lack of intimacy stuff, if things weren't working. So, I think it's just I've been going crazy and, therefore, nothing is making me happy and everything is horrible. And, yeah.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: I mean, if he feels comfortable with the idea of me moving in I would feel comfortable with the idea of me moving in. And, I mean, if he were willing to pay for my cats then that actually would solve that expense if I wanted to get a studio and get cats. I need to ask him about it, because he really likes that idea too. [00:31:40]

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So I don't mind the taking care of them, but if he wanted to assume financial responsibility for them. At least in cases of emergencies, then I could get a studio with cats or a one bedroom with cats.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So, yeah. (pause) I mean, I do want to be financially responsible and I don't want to It's just that I know having them would make me really, really happy.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: But I don't want to take on something that I can't actually commit to.

THERAPIST: Mm. Yeah. Well it sounds like you need some more concrete information about what your rent would really be before you know how much money you have left over for things like therapy and cats.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And other living expenses. Food.

CLIENT: Yeah. I don't even know how much I You know, I definitely will have to go out to eat a lot less, I think. [00:32:44]

THERAPIST: Mm. Yeah, you need to get a sense of how much you spend on those things a month.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So that you can make a reasonable budget.

CLIENT: Yeah. I think a lot more regiment in possibly what I'm eating each day thing. In terms of -

THERAPIST: Well do you have a sense of what you're spending now when you plan for bringing lunch to work, and adding in the vegetables and things Like that? Do you have a sense of what you're spending?

CLIENT: Not really. Especially because right now, sometimes when I have the pastrami sandwiches those are like Sydney bought that pastrami for me.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: So, um.

THERAPIST: But you can still -

CLIENT: There's a lot of -

THERAPIST: Figuring out what the cost of a lunch is. Even though technically you're not paying for that one right now. Just getting a general sense.

CLIENT: I mean I guess I was paying fort the bread and other things. It's sort of like, because sometimes he's been the one to go grocery shopping.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: I honestly, I mean, maybe I'm spending thirty dollars a week. [00:33:50]

THERAPIST: I think the thing to do is to, starting this week -

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: get a sense of what you're going through. Are you going through a loaf of bread a week? Are you going through two loaves of bread a week? How many boxes of pasta do you use in a week?

CLIENT: Uh huh.

THERAPIST: How many bottles of PowerAde do you drink in a week? If you start to get a sense of how much you're going through, then you can get an estimate of what your weekly groceries are.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Rather than thinking about who paid for what, just think about what is the cost of the things that you typically consume.

CLIENT: Mm hm.

THERAPIST: That will give you a figure to start a budget with. And you don't need to budget down to the penny, but you want a rough idea of what a typical week is.

CLIENT: Yeah. I think it would be basically, because I'd be fine not going out to eat most of the time. I think Sydney will probably pick up the tabs for most of the times we go out to eat now that he realizes Because he thought, I guess because even though I didn't have that much money, he thought my parents were about as well off as his were. [00:34:54]

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: You know, whereas he himself has more in savings, I think, than my parents have.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: You know, and even though he is unemployed right now he is therefore doing a lot better, and no longer expects me to pay for half the things.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: Like it would've been, you know, having a job, I was okay with paying fifty fifty. But now that I'm going to be living in a more expensive situation. I guess the thing is, if he goes to the store, you know, and he bought the rice cakes for me, I don't know how much those rice cakes cost.

THERAPIST: Mm hm. That's something you can figure out.

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean I'm going to have to go to the store and buy a week's worth of groceries and see what it costs.

THERAPIST: Mm hm. Yeah. Or just price it out. I mean, you can look that up online.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Because it doesn't need to be exact.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: But this is probably an exercise you could complete by pulling up Peapod or something like that and compiling what you typically consume. Figuring out, in general, what it costs. And just giving yourself a rough estimate of the basic categories. What you're spending on gas, what you're spending on food, what you're spending on rent, what you would spend. And then you know what you have leftover, and how much of that do you want to spend toward help. [00:36:17]

CLIENT: I mean, if there is anything left over.

THERAPIST: And also, if there's nothing left over, that answers some questions for you of what your options really are.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: That's kind of where you need to start.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Doing a little bit more looking on Craigslist to get a sense of availability. Figuring out the cost of the necessities.

CLIENT: I mean, do you think that I'd be in a mental state that I could go to therapy every other week instead of every week?

THERAPIST: You've done that in the past.

CLIENT: Yeah. The last time it was really bad timing.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: I broke up with Jonas.

THERAPIST: You know, lately, if we look at what you've been feeling lately. The last couple of sessions you've come in and said you've had episodes of panic during the week. And that you've had thoughts of, you know, escaping by suicide. That's not really a time to drop down to every other week. Is there going to be a time when you're feeling more stable and could drop down to every other week? Possibly. You have felt well enough to do that in the past. [00:37:26]

CLIENT: Mm hm.

THERAPIST: And then, yeah, I mean unforeseen circumstances happen. But, you know, in the more recent past it does seem like actually things have been pretty stressful.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And now might not be that time.

CLIENT: Then again, if there was less financial stress then -

THERAPIST: Maybe you'd feel less concerned.

CLIENT: Maybe. And I don't have any way to test that.

THERAPIST: Yeah. Sometimes, I mean, there are times when you are able to identify something going on that's made you feel the way you feel. But last week, or the week before. We actually missed a week.

CLIENT: Yeah, last week was -

THERAPIST: You know, I mean, you said that there are times when you're feeling really panicky and you couldn't really tie it to anything. You were very surprised.

CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:38:07)

THERAPIST: Physically sick, but everything was okay. But yet you had these episodes of panic and you had these moments of thinking, "It would be better if I were dead."

CLIENT: Mm hm.

THERAPIST: That does not match up to me with reducing treatment.

CLIENT: Okay. I mean, that does make sense. I do realize that I've not been as good in a state of mental health recently. So.

THERAPIST: That doesn't mean that that's not going to change for the better.

CLIENT: Yeah. And, you know, my schedule. If I could take on another part time job or something, I would.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: But then I wouldn't have time buy groceries or do chores or do anything to prepare for my other job.

THERAPIST: Mm hm. Right. Well, when you were working full time for that short bit, I mean, you didn't like what you were doing. So that was one piece.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: But you also felt very resentful about not having free time.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: That was a big stressor for you. And your reaction to feeling like you were very squeezed for time was pretty negative. [00:39:13]

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: I just want to give you feedback about what you've expressed in here.

CLIENT: Yeah. That's true. And, I mean, in this case I'm not as, I mean, not resentful towards my job for not having free time. I'm resentful towards my housemates for making me do more than just my work.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Yeah, it seems like this job you clearly like a lot more than that data entry job.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I think they say I mean, I could stay later. I probably could even stay until like seven on Sunday.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: My boss stays until seven or eight a lot of the time, just because he's crazy and likes to work all the time. And so there was one day that I was late and they were like, "Oh, have you the caught the sickness? Once you start working here for a while you'll too succumb to the sickness of always staying late." You know, so it's not like, "Oh no, how can we pay you these extra hours?"

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: Because it's a limited amount of work anyway.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: It's like I will eventually come to the end of the project. [00:40:20]

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: I guess I wish I I guess, at this point, maybe I could spend a day at work looking at all the log books that they have that I'm going to be working on. Seeing how long each one is.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And estimating approximately -

THERAPIST: Yeah, how much time.

CLIENT: How much time it will take.

THERAPIST: That sounds like good information to gather.

CLIENT: Yeah, because another seventy five log books. But sometimes, like the last one I did was really huge and had a "Part A" and "Part B." And the list will say, okay, 394B. And "Part A" and "Part B," so they're two separate voyages. (ph) And so the grant was to digitize "Part B," but they just gave all the books to who was digitizing it for them.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: And they, of course, digitized the whole thing. And it's like, "Why don't you (inaudible at 00:41:21) for "A" too?" So, you know, I'll have to look in to see how, if there are these other parts. It doesn't take that much longer to make a second (inaudible) for it. But it's like, oh, I guess I am doing this whole book and not just the second half of this book.

THERAPIST: Mm. So it seems like gathering that information would be useful for you.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Being able to make an estimate.

CLIENT: And, Eliza and Aimee think that I could get a job in the tech industry, like doing documenting stuff. Because then I was all like, "Oh, yes, I get to use this software at work at it's really exciting." And they're like, "You're excited about documentation software?" And I'm like, "It's a really cool program."

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: So I'd have to talk to people more. Like if I was in the tech industry then I'd be Like if I could do things close to what I'm doing now, as opposed to something that was so sucky (ph) and making me sad.

THERAPIST: Mm.

CLIENT: Then I'd be making less money and I'd no longer have to worry about my parents and everything. Because I could get fund Like I could go back and get a PPO through my job that would at least reimburse me. [00:42:30]

THERAPIST: Mm. That sounds like a lot of steps away.

CLIENT: It is. And, yeah, considering I don't even know when I'm going to start looking for work.

THERAPIST: Yeah. So let scale it back to where you are now and making a realistic plan. Getting information you need to do a budget for what life is like now.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And then we can worry, or you can plan for another phase of life when that arises.

CLIENT: Yeah. I just really wish there was something I could do now that would get me more money.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Other than, maybe Like when I have less free time, it makes it harder to put more time into dying yarn and stuff.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Even if I put in more time it's not like guaranteeing that people will want to buy it at any sort of point and time.

THERAPIST: Mm hm. Well it sounds like getting yourself an estimate of how long you'll be able to work on this project, so that you know when you'll be looking for another job.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Because you're not It doesn't sound like it makes sense to leave this job prematurely. [00:43:34]

CLIENT: Yeah, it doesn't. I mean, though if I could find a full time decently paid archivist job, it's just that I'd feel like I'd be doing something bad. And I'd be screwing them over by leaving when I'm halfway done, even if my financial situation has changed and I can't really do the thirteen dollars an hour anymore.

THERAPIST: Mm. Well, let's see how much longer you feel like you're going to do it. And then figure it out from there. I think we need to wrap up for today.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Do you want to plan for next week? And make the plan for you to kind of do this budgeting work so we can talk about numbers next week?

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Okay. I will see you then. And then, let me just double check. I think we can do the same time next week.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Yeah. I can do two thirty.

CLIENT: Okay. See you.

THERAPIST: Bye.

END TRANSCRIPT

1
Abstract / Summary: Client discusses apartment-hunting, possibly moving into her boyfriend's group housing situation, and her financial issues.
Field of Interest: Counseling & Therapy
Publisher: Alexander Street Press
Content Type: Session transcript
Format: Text
Page Count: 1
Page Range: 1-1
Publication Year: 2013
Publisher: Alexander Street
Place Published / Released: Alexandria, VA
Subject: Counseling & Therapy; Psychology & Counseling; Health Sciences; Theoretical Approaches to Counseling; Family and relationships; Place; Teoria do Aconselhamento; Teorías del Asesoramiento; Finances and accounting; Parent-child relationships; Housing and shelter; Romantic relationships; Behaviorism; Cognitivism; Psychodynamic Theory; Integrative psychotherapy
Clinician: Caryn Bello, 1974-
Keywords and Translated Subjects: Teoria do Aconselhamento; Teorías del Asesoramiento
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