TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: Apologize for-

CLIENT: It's okay.

THERAPIST: Whatever strange thing happened here. I have a feeling it's going to beep at us at some point in session. I just noticed the battery was low, so just don't be alarmed.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Where should we start today?

CLIENT: I was just been under so much stress. I decided to open up my housing search to things, living with strangers. So I've run in to a few people on Craigslist and like I met some people this morning. Like, where one of the housemates is still going to be there and I didn't meet the other one. It was a nice place, so. [0:00:44.1]

THERAPIST: What changed your mind?

CLIENT: Just because it was like, okay well, you know in either of the two I had been looking at before, either I'd be paying 1200 a month or I'd be paying still like 900, 1000 a month. Both of these wouldn't be til like either mid-August or September. And then I'd still have all of the stress of going back and forth between Sydney's place. Like, he says that he feels comfortable in a place then he's more likely to come over. But you know, if I lived nearer, it would just be like way easier and I wouldn't feel all that -

THERAPIST: Is that where he is in the Wareham area? [0:01:26.5]

CLIENT: That's where he is, yeah.

THERAPIST: And it's still, I mean, that's still very accessible to the T to get here and other places.

CLIENT: Yeah, where it's like New Haven isn't that accessible, they are like one of those two people like, works and would want to be on the redline. But, the redline is going to be expensive. So I'm still meeting with people tonight that have the $1200 a month room. But it's just like, you know, I'd rather have more money to spend on other things. Or start to save away.

Especially because, you know like last week, because I missed the week before and the week before that, I missed Thursdays from being-well one was a mental health day. Which turns out, because I talked Sydney, he actually said I was doing really badly that morning; I had just completely forgotten it. And then the other one I got sick and that was during temp week, and I actually missed most of the temp week rehearsals. And last week I was like, okay, I am going in Monday, or Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. And possibly Friday. And like Thursday, I was feeling nauseous, and I was like, okay it's sort of at the beginning of my communion. Towards the end I was like feeling badly and I was at work. I basically held on for two hours and that point I was like feeling really nauseous. I was like okay; I am working so slowly right now. There is no way I can-like I need to go home before I get so bad that I won't be able to drive. So it's just like I don't want to be living to the end, the very end. [0:03:09.5]

THERAPIST: You want to feel like there is some leeway to how many hours you have to work to meet your expenses.

CLIENT: Yeah, because this week, I have to have (inaudible) and I'm working on Tuesday, but I'm not working on Wednesday. I think I will work on Thursday and not celebrate the second day of Shavuot. And then Friday I was like, okay I can work on Friday and then I remembered, oh wait I have to do-well I have my psychiatrist appointment in the morning, and then in the afternoon I have an appointment to see if I have carpel tunnel syndrome. With a test that is, they are going to be like sticking me with electric things and I need to look over the pamphlet they gave me again. But now I'm a little bit scared of it. But yeah, such as I can't go to work. [0:03:48.5] I just can't-

THERAPIST: Have you been having a lot of pain in your hands?

CLIENT: No, not as much it's just that like when I broke my wrist brace. You know, and now that it was on. You know, I didn't want to mess with seeing whether or not insurance would pay for me to go to GPH again. And if I had to pay for that wrist brace out of pocket. Even though it's just like plastic or whatever, I'm sure it will cost like $700 or something ridiculous. So I've had a doctor within Network and like they couldn't just make me the wrist brace, I had to see the doctor too. And like when she asked me about my pain and stuff, I mentioned the numbness. Which when I'd seen the doctor at GPH last year, I didn't mention that my hand was numb. Because at that point it was all pain. I'd sort of, like everything had been taken over by the pain and I had forgotten that there ever was numbness with it and it was just pain. But like that, like telling the other doctor about the numbness, she thought that it was a good chance that it was carpel tunnel. And she was like, oh, we should check you out, and we can give you surgery. You know, like, I don't know when I would be able to do that surgery. But, yeah so I have to have that test done on Friday. [0:05:12.4]

THERAPIST: Sounds like you have your nerves bothering you. (ph)

CLIENT: I am. I mean I don't know if I'm more nervous about the fact that like, I'm afraid it's going to be painful. I mean I guess I can do something about that. Like Sydney is going to come with me. I don't know, it might not be that painful. I mean, they didn't say hey, this will be really painful. But I don't know if that's because it won't be or because they don't want to scare people away from getting the test they need. And then I'm also nervous about if they do find something and I do have-like I think at least because I'm doing okay I can probably put off surgery. But like it's something that I'm going to need to fix eventually because I won't be able to function. Because like, there will be recovery for a few weeks and like I won't be able to get my hand wet. And it's my right hand, and my right hand is the one that does everything. And like, I won't be able to function anymore. I don't want to do that while I'm like, living with people. [0:06:12.5]

THERAPIST: Well they're not going to make you do anything.

CLIENT: True.

THERAPIST: They're not going to mandate something that you don't consent to.

CLIENT: That's also true.

THERAPIST: It also sounds like you know; this is a test to see. To see what, if you have carpel tunnel or if it's something else. And depending on the results of that, a treatment recommendation will be made. Let's not jump ahead to being incapacitated when surgery hasn't been recommended yet. And if surgery is recommended, you don't know exactly what the, what the recovery would be. [0:06:47.8]

CLIENT: Well, like I was asking, because she was the one, the doctor was talking about the possibility of surgery. Otherwise I wouldn't have thought of it in the first place. And was mentioning what the recovery would be like, and I remember being like oh that's not going to work. So. I am nervous about hat because, I mean, I do recognize they are not going to make me have surgery if I don't want it. But I guess-

THERAPIST: But you don't want to have to need it either. I understand.

CLIENT: And also whether or not I am damaging my hand further by using it and not getting the surgery.

THERAPIST: I think it is important information to find out. [0:07:28.6]

CLIENT: So it's like also the surgery, when I asked about it, she said it's like, done under anesthesia to like that area. And I'd much rather go under general and not have any clue what's going on and being awake for it. Because that seems way more scary and panic inducing than not. Even when I got my wisdom teeth out, like sometimes you have that option, sometimes you don't. I actually did go under general for my wisdom teeth and it was fine. And then it was like, I prefer that a lot more than being awake during a surgery. Even if that area is numbed. So that part is scary too, I guess. [0:08:11.9]

THERAPIST: But you are not at that point just yet.

CLIENT: I am not at that point. But yeah. It's just scary thinking I don't want that to happen. The test is making me nervous enough. And I'm just, I don't know, like my house is falling apart. Like, I never actually, like last week, we were supposed to have the house meeting on Thursday and that was the day I left work early, it was sick leave. I e-mailed them and like, I can't do the house meeting anymore. Then we talked about chores a little bit. But like, things are up in the air like whether or not-because like, Rebecca (PH) suggested for dinner, because Lee was like we should push, have these. There would be less of it and you know. Because he finally was recognizing oh wait, we don't have everybody coming for dinner most nights. And like, that's when I was like, okay that's cool. Rebecca was like, oh, we should do this thing where like by 3pm everybody e-mails whether or not they are going to be at dinner that night. If they are then the person will make it or if they aren't the person won't make it. And I was like, that's such a really something that could be very unfair. Because you know, if people are always around on a Tuesday night and they are never around on a Wednesday night then the person on Tuesday will always have to make dinner and the person on Wednesday won't. Therefore, we should figure out nights when people are around and have a rotating dinner on that. But there was never a response.

So I don't even know if I'm supposed to be making dinner tonight but I'm just like, screw it, I'm busy enough with everything else. I'm just going to make dishes and not make dinner, and hope that nothing bad happens. But reality can just-like packing. I haven't been packing. Like yesterday I went and got like just a bunch of, had a bunch of like small boxes that wouldn't be good for packing. That like were you know, from that were, and I got rid of those and recycled them all and took out a bunch of trash too. [0:09:59.5]

I don't know if I'm actually like, maybe this isn't so bad. Maybe I could do this in a week. But now I'm like, you know if I'm looking at moving before May 1st, or June 1st, then that's really soon.

THERAPIST: A couple weeks.

CLIENT: And like, if I'm missing all this other time for work, time for surgery, or not surgery but tests and everything else. I don't know if I can actually afford that if you know, then I might just have to have like, cram it packing sessions on like the days that I don't work leading up to then. But just like, since I don't know that I'm moving into either of these places-

THERAPIST: Yeah, it sounds like first is the apartment search. And you can be, I mean like you said, you did some work cleaning out some boxes and taking out some trash. And maybe doing a little bit of work even, that you would know you would need to do regardless of when you moved. [0:10:57.4]

CLIENT: Yeah, like I still have to do the whole clothing first thing that will free up a whole lot of space.

THERAPIST: So, I mean that's something you can be working on a little at a time, when you have time, a little bit at a time. Regardless of whether you find a space for June 1st, or July 1st, or August 1st.

CLIENT: Yeah it's just, because the other thing was like, if it were for later, like if I was moving September 1st, I could work four days a week for a bunch of weeks in a row and then take three days off and have a week of packing.

THERAPIST: You haven't been able to do that recently.

CLIENT: And I'm just too worried about it. I don't know. It's just like the higher level of stress, I'm still sometimes panicking. Usually it's for like maybe like a minute or two now. So they are no longer like -

THERAPIST: So really short. [0:11:43.1]

CLIENT: Really short.

THERAPIST: But still uncomfortable for that short time.

CLIENT: Yeah, and like, you know, it's never like, I still could do all the things I need to do. But it's annoying. And I just, I'm just so worn down and I don't know what to do. Because like, you know, especially since I've missed all this other work I can't take a break. And now I don't have rehearsals anymore because music (ph) is over and that was my last semester.

THERAPIST: Oh, that was your last semester?

CLIENT: Well the whole job having to leave early in the morning, and I had to miss like pretty much every single Tuesday rehearsal. That's last semester, so that's half of rehearsals. So I was like, it's not fair to the group to do it for another semester. If would have quit before if I knew I was going to have this job, but I didn't. So-

THERAPIST: How do you feel about leaving? [0:12:36.6]

CLIENT: I actually haven't missed it. Sort of I was like, oh no, I can't be friends with any of the people, because I thought that like, whether or not I can hang out with (inaudible) for social events and like well, if they say you can. But they don't want them to be open to everybody, like, would we really want (inaudible) coming and hanging out with us? But I asked Thomas and he was like, oh yeah, we'll e-mail you about social things. So I should still be able to see them. Though, yeah. And I think there is going to be something going on next Sunday. I couldn't have done that if I want to, but I probably will. But it's like-

THERAPIST: You seem a little sad. [0:13:20.5]

CLIENT: (voice breaks) I am a little sad. I'm just like but I have no time. And especially like, well I guess we wouldn't have anything going on during the summers any ways. Although the social stuff because it's summer. And I guess once I've moved on, more free time, especially when I'm no longer doing the whole co-op thing. Having to cook for you know, a communal meal system where I'm never eating anyone else's cooking. And you know, if I live nearby, you know, or coming and having to do dishes that aren't mine. So maybe then, but I'll still have to work three days a week with the whole commute. Probably better tap the time to do extra work, and I just don't know how. [0:14:05.4]

THERAPIST: But the commute would be easier.

CLIENT: I don't-from I don't-I mean usually it's, I mean I always drove because they you know, moved it to late night rehearsals. Like, when it was during the day or afternoon, I could, I did walk or you know sometimes bike or whatever. Or when Sydney was still in the group. But yeah, I've been driving for like the past year and half now because the rehearsals are so late that I don't want to be like walking by myself at like really late at night. So-

THERAPIST: I'm just remembering conversations about sort of your internal battle of whether to pay for a cab or [0:14:53.2]

CLIENT: the solution was by my own car myself instead of relying on Sydney and then I can, then I don't have to worry about paying for cabs. Yeah, once I got that resolved it was easier. But, it's still stressed out. Like, looking at rooms is stressful. You know, if I don't hang out with people very long, how do I know like whether or not if they are going to be passive aggressive or something. You know, my guess is, if they are older they may be more likely to be richer and less passive aggressive? Well, like I guess because I had such a bad experience when I was living with Rebecca my junior year of college. At that time she was 25. Like, and I'm 26 now, so, I guess you know, people can get to that age and still be passive aggressive. So -

THERAPIST: Do you feel like you are? [0:15:55.8]

CLIENT: No, I don't feel like I am. No, I don't feel like I am, it's just like, there could be another person who is like Rebecca and could be passive aggressive.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: No, I either you know, I'll get mad about things internally, but then I'll either get over it or confront them. But I won't like do something passive aggressive like, you know. Yeah.

THERAPIST: So what kinds of questions do you find yourself asking? What you feel like you can get to know about a potential roommate in this short amount of time you have during a house interview? [0:16:35.5]

CLIENT: I guess, I mean, I was (inaudible) what the tourist said. I'm not sure I gave them a bad impression because I'm like, you know, I guess because I'm coming from such a space where we have a chore rotation everything is so regimented. You know, they asked about it, and I was like, oh yeah, we're all adults. People clean up their own dishes and stuff, and we take out the trash. And if you haven't taken out the trash in a while then you take it out. Sometimes things go downhill and we send an e-mail and then things get better. And I'm like, okay. But just like, so I don't know if I sounded immature in asking if there was a chore rotation or something. I mean I did tell them I come from a communal situation that was like sort of falling apart at the end. So, they're like meeting a few more people and I guess I find out by the end of the week maybe. But. [0:17:39.5]

THERAPIST: It's a stressful process to sort of be applying.

CLIENT: I mean if everybody is doing their own dishes and not doing each other's dishes. You know, then as long as I do my own dishes, then I probably won't get you know, nobody needs to be passive aggressive at me. And, their trash is on Sunday nights, like that would actually be like something I would be able to keep up with because that would be one of the nights I'm not working. So, yeah. I mean, you know I asked whether or not if people were social. And what, you know honestly, you know sometimes they will have social things, but like more people hanging out in their rooms and keeping to themselves than they are in common spaces and stuff. [0:18:29.5]

THERAPIST: And how do you feel about that? What are you looking for?

CLIENT: I think keeping to myself, like just because I guess at this point, like, my life is so intertwined with Sydney, and if I'm expected to hang out at the house all the time, and I'm not there I don't know. Like, you know, I think the less, well the less communal responsibility the better. The, I don't know. Yeah, because I guess it seems like the different roommates you know, they all come from different places, and are doing different things in their lives. Like, one's student, and one's like a professional artist and so, yeah. Like I think that would probably work better than going into another communal thing. As long as I keep on top of my own stuff which should be fine. And like, yeah. I think if I, you know the one thing I'm never very good at is like cleaning the bathroom. But if I'm saving enough in rent then maybe it would be worth it to pay someone once a month to clean just the bathroom. But, and it's a really big room for like the bedroom. Oh yeah and I asked about sound quality and stuff. Which doesn't really give me a feel for people, but is an important thing. Especially coming from a room that has a door. [0:20:01.2]

THERAPIST: You have more privacy. And are you looking for a kosher house? Or is that -

CLIENT: I sort of gave up on that. Like if I'm with the people who I talked to on the phone that like are moving in the end of mid-August or beginning of September, then that would be a kosher place. But, other than that, no. Just because I'm like used to eating at Sydney' place now, otherwise I can just do the same thing where I like, you know use kosher ingredient, and use pots that everybody else uses and stuff. [0:20:39.1]

THERAPIST: And that feels comfortable for you?

CLIENT: I think so. It's better than having kosher at such a high standard. I can't buy a lot of things that I like, so. You know, and if it isn't communal meals then it's not like I have to worry about them like, you know, oh we're going to cook something with meat in it, and I can't eat it. So, yeah. You know, and this, especially since I don't have the money really to. I could get my own place but then it would be super-duper expensive. [0:21:17.6]

THERAPIST: It sounds like it just didn't feel reasonable at this point to devote that much of your income or above what your income is to living.

CLIENT: Yeah, so I'm just like, yeah. I mean if I found something on, that was listing like a kosher house or something for a reasonable price, then.

THERAPIST: Just a lot of components to require.

CLIENT: And it's just, yeah. And it's not like I've found anybody else who wants to live where I want to live and keep kosher. So, you know, when they have their very strict, like, oh we need to be near the business school and on the redline. Whereas mine is more of a preference, yeah. And just the whole, that was the oh no stress of packing. It was like, wanting to get up there. Like, I don't know if I will be able to last until September. So I'm not waiting on those people like, is probably the better option. [0:22:28.2]

THERAPIST: You really are demonstrating more flexibility.

CLIENT: Yeah because I want to have like enough money to live off of. And I think this is the only way. And you know, I start sometimes, like I, so I really don't know whether or not people will be like passive aggressive or somebody is less-the less communalness there is, the less opportunity there will be for people to be passive aggressive. Like at Sydney's old place, he had like, yeah he had passive aggressive roommates and his roommates were also like in their late 20's too. So, like you know, they had this weird thing where that they each owned their own food. But then they would each be responsible for making a meal for everyone. Except it wasn't actually spelled out to him at the beginning. And then like, but the leftovers become theirs, and then oh, you are responsible for the dishes for the night. And then other people were, you know if you don't take out, if no one empties the dishwasher and then people put dishes in the sink. Then you have you're dishes at the bottom, and then people put their dishes on the sink then they will get on you to do your dishes and their dishes too. So like not having a set up like that in the first place, takes away those opportunities to be passive aggressive among other things. [0:23:52.3]

THERAPIST: Yeah, and another piece of it is setting up boundaries in a dynamic that feel safe for you. So regardless of what, you know apartment you end up going in to. Starting up the relationship by being straight forward and open so that you don't build up a dynamic of people building up these silent resentments. People don't become-people don't act aggressively whether passive aggressive or straight aggressive behavior unless they are angry, or feeling resentful about something. Generally. And one way to guard against that is to start by being open and straight forward. Setting expectations clearly. You know it sounds like the system you were describing at Sydney's old apartment was a very murky system (chuckle) that didn't have very clear expectations. [0:24:45.7]

CLIENT: It was.

THERAPIST: And asking questions and understanding what the expectations are, being clear about you know, what you're feeling and what feels appropriate in terms of the boundaries and privacy and things like that. Set's up a positive environment where people don't need to be aggressive or passive aggressive. And so you have some control going in about how you present yourself and how you respond to people.

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