TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: So where should we start today?

CLIENT: I�m feeling incredibly stressed right now (pause) with the whole housing thing.

THERAPIST: What�s going on with the housing thing?

CLIENT: So I have one person who (pause) is a friend of a friend; she�s in Saratoga Springs right now, though she�s actually coming this weekend. So I�m going to meet her; we�ve already talked on the phone.

We were going to be living together, but (pause) finding a third person has been a little bit hard. (pause)

THERAPIST: Do you have a place?

CLIENT: No.

THERAPIST: Or you�re looking for a third person before you look for a place.

CLIENT: Yeah. Like I�d be okay with putting down (set) (ph) and then trying to get a third person, because you know, when you have a place, it�s like, �Oh, there�s a place.� But she doesn�t feel comfortable doing that, so I�m like okay. I guess we�ll wait �til we have a third.

And we�ve had two people who could�ve been thirds; one we might actually go back to. Like her problem was, she really, really really wants to be like an (inaudible at 00:01:09), which is going to be -

THERAPIST: This is the person that�s a definite?

CLIENT: No.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: (chuckle) The hypothetical third person, number one.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: However like places around there are really expensive. And well, I can probably go up to like $500, and $950 a month, and would like to do that. Like Rhonda doesn�t want to do go � like $900 would be a stretch on her, and a lot of the places we were seeing for like three bedrooms were like going to be really expensive. And third person, her range is like $1,200-$1,500, which is like realistic for the area that she wants to be in. (chuckle) Just way above both of our ranges, and she wouldn�t feel comfortable.

And the definite person, ah they just have names. So Rhonda is a definite person, Sarah is the person with the really expensive budget, and like Rhonda wouldn�t feel comfortable with such a disparity.

I�m also comfortable paying like more for a bigger room. (pause) So we decided that we�re � like we�ll still keep her in mind, but tying our search to her might prove way too eliminating, because it�s such a narrow area where it�s like [00:02:25]

THERAPIST: And what� your timeframe, because I guess I thought with getting this temp job, your parents would pay for your current place?

CLIENT: They would, but I don�t want to � I don�t want to have my entire income going to rent. So the timeframe is like the lease ends August 31st, so finding a place for September 1st. The other third person, like she had a really limiting budget. She wouldn�t go above � didn�t want to go above $700, but the issue with her ended up being she thought it would be okay to live with cats, but as long as they didn�t go into her room.

But then she realized she didn�t want to have to be like sniffley in the common areas of the house, which would only make sense. So she decided not to live with us, because both me and Rhonda have a cat each.

THERAPIST: That�s a lot of cats for someone who�s allergic to cats.

CLIENT: Exactly. (pause) So, you know, that made total sense, but we found that out like (pause) yesterday morning.

THERAPIST: This is all feeling very very much influx, and very recent.

CLIENT: And I even saw places (inaudible at 00:03:29), but we don�t have a third person. And there�s a person who I � Roger, who�s like, you know, acquaintance of mine who I haven�t seen in a really long time, and I saw that he was on housing thing. And he�s looking for also like similar to us, and I don�t know whether or not he�s allergic to cats, but I e-mailed him yesterday, but he never e-mailed me back, so I�m assuming that�s probably a no. But it would have been nice if he had e-mailed me back.

Now, okay, maybe we�ll look for a two-bedroom place, but $900 is like really pushing it for Rhonda. And even $1,800 places are really hard to find. And I mean (pause) I guess if I were paying � even if I was $1,000 a month, it�d still be saving $400 a month from � but I�m really � it�s just like getting to be so much. And I have a � starting Monday, I�m not going to have all the time to like research places anymore. [00:04:34]

THERAPIST: Mm-mm. Is Rhonda helping?

CLIENT: Yeah, she is. I mean since I have to be the one visit the places, since I�m here.

THERAPIST: You�re the local person.

CLIENT: Yeah. (pause) So, I�m just sort of despairing about finding a third person, and also despairing about living in the middle of nowhere. And I�m just like I really don�t want my commute to work to suck. You know, because -

THERAPIST: That�s really important.

CLIENT: Yeah, I�m sick of sucking commutes. I mean I guess it wouldn�t be that bad if I had to take a couple of buses, but that would require waking up pretty early in the morning, if I�m taking buses to like (pause) from where I am to like Wareham, and then the metro, and then walking. You know, would like some time to be able to actually have breakfast in the morning and stuff. So [00:05:27]

THERAPIST: You thinking about where a good location for you is, now that you know where you�ll be for � because you said the temp job is at least six months.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So -

CLIENT: And could get extended for another six months. So, it makes sense to actually try to find housing based on that. You know, I don�t have to be in the center. Like I�d be fine being in Belmont or Wareham.

THERAPIST: Well-being anywhere around the metro makes sense.

CLIENT: Yeah, it�s just the being far off of the metro, and taking the bus to the metro. And, you know, if it�s like a ten-minute walk to that bus light, that�s fine now, but when it�s in the snow, it�s going to really suck. (pause)

So I�m just starting to go crazy, and (pause)

THERAPIST: Well, looking for places has always been really stressful for you. You�ve been through this process before, and I think the challenge is to be able to do the search without projecting too far into the future. [00:06:29]

Because when you start to get feeling like you�re crazy, like you just said, it�s when something falls through, or there�s an unknown, or you don�t find what you want, and you start to think, �Oh, I�m never going to find. I�m going to be out in the middle of nowhere in order to find this.� And you don�t know that.

Being able to stay with like, �Okay, that one didn�t work out.� Focus on working on the next one without spinning way off into � like spinning what�s happening now into forever. And I think it�s really important to kind of reel in the tendency to get really nervous, and start to catastrophize what�s happening. Yes, looking for apartments is stressful, but you�re starting to experience the stress of never ever finding an apartment, and that�s not what�s happening.

CLIENT: Okay, I mean I guess I know that I can find something. I�m just afraid that it will be like a horrible sucky commute through the snow. (pause) And that one might be realistic; I mean I guess that�s still also an unknown. Maybe I�ll have this that doesn�t have a sucky commute through the snow. [00:07:36]

THERAPIST: Yeah, it doesn�t really do you any good to start imagining that what you�re going to find is a horrible apartment with a sucky commute.

CLIENT: I mean it�s just that a lot of the things that I�ve been finding so far are (overlapping voices)

THERAPIST: You�re not signing for those apartments, or even applying for them, right?

CLIENT: Yeah, and it�s just like � and then finding a third person. You know, there�s this spreadsheet that when I posted it on Facebook about looking for housing, one of my friends sent me the link. And so it�s actually like all Jewish people looking to live in theory, with other Jewish people like in the different areas.

So some of the people that I�ve � like Samantha is Rhonda�s friend, but Lauren was the one who�s allergic to cats, was on the spreadsheet, and Roger was on the spreadsheet too. And so I guess there�re maybe a few more people on the spreadsheet I could write to. [00:08:33]

THERAPIST: How did this spreadsheet get compiled? (pause)

CLIENT: I have no idea that it existed, by the time, I guess some people decided hey, wouldn�t it be a good idea to like set up. Like, you know, I know all these Jewish people who are looking for other Jewish roommates; let�s make a spreadsheet. That�s what I assumed happened. Because it�s not like linked to any organization or anything like that. (pause)

Yeah, I just (sigh) (pause) I mean people do add themselves to the spreadsheet like every day.

THERAPIST: Okay. So it�s not exhaustive yet.

CLIENT: It�s not exhaustive yet, because with Roger, it was like I saw him; he had added himself yesterday. And then someone had added themselves today, but wouldn�t be a very good match. So it does keep on growing until someone really annoying that like � I don�t think people have necessarily deleted themselves if they�ve found something. Which I really wish they�d do it, or highlight it or something, because then it would make it easier. [00:09:41]

THERAPIST: But it is � it sounds like it�s a great resource.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: In find potential roommates.

CLIENT: It�s just like, you know, if we�re waiting to find that third person until we put if, you know, what a fault is; all the good places are gone by the time we do find that third person. (pause)

And I just am also really annoyed that now all the good places, you know, that the price�s gone up so much. I guess I have been sheltered from it all when I living essentially in a rent-controlled apartment.

I knew that things were more expensive, but when it gets to be $900 a month, that�s a lot to pay for living with other people. (pause) But I guess it�s a lot less than $1,400 a month. (pause) But I was hoping, you know, that maybe I could find a place that had room enough that I could actually like start a dining area, and stuff like that. [00:10:45]

THERAPIST: That would be nice.

CLIENT: Yeah. I guess a place I saw today could in theory work for that. It just � like it had a really nice kitchen, but (pause) it wasn�t the greatest location, and the laundry in the basement, even though it�s like a two-people � two apartment building, it was coin operated. Which I feel like is just really (sigh) a jerk move on the part of the landlord.

But (pause) I don�t know, I guess it could work, but even if it could work, we still don�t have that third person.

THERAPIST: That�s your first � really your first task is finding a third person.

CLIENT: Yeah, or finding a suitable two-bedroom, which seems kind of impossible. It�s like okay, well maybe I could live out in (Brighter) (ph) or something like that. I have to like research how long the commute would be if I were to do that.

THERAPIST: Where do you want to be? Rather than thinking about � I mean it sounds like you�re already starting to accommodate to things that you don�t really want. What would you really want? [00:11:58]

CLIENT: I�d really want something either the Wallingford side of Belmont, Wareham, Yale or Chelsea. Like I mean I guess the New Haven side of Belmont is okay too. It�s just like makes for annoyances with Sydney�s car, but if he was spending more time at his place, since it wouldn�t be just my place anymore, I guess the whole New Haven thing wouldn�t matter as much.

THERAPIST: Is that something that you think is true, that he�ll spend more time at his place?

CLIENT: Yeah, probably, because I realize that I can�t have him over every single day. (pause) So (pause) yeah, I guess, yeah, I really would want like Chelsea would be ideal; Yale would also be really nice. You know, and Wareham would be like really close to Sydney, and that would also be fun, but I haven�t really found anything that�s like actual Wareham; it�s sort of like west of Wareham.

THERAPIST: Yeah Wareham is really expensive if you�re right in Wareham.

CLIENT: Yeah. [00:13:05]

THERAPIST: Which doesn�t mean it�s not worth looking, and keeping on this � keeping it on the list, because you never know.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Sometimes things pop up.

CLIENT: And like maybe something in Inman will (inaudible at 00:13:17) that we could live with Samantha, and you know, that would work. But (pause) I don�t -

THERAPIST: But it hasn�t yet, no?

CLIENT: Yeah, I�m just getting so -

THERAPIST: Yeah, well it�s only June. And you�re looking for September 1?

CLIENT: Yeah, but isn�t that the time where people � isn�t that when all that like shouldn�t I have been � if I � what if all the good places are like already gone in May or something? You know, or I should have started looking in March. (pause)

THERAPIST: Probably that would have been early. I mean with rental properties, you�re looking when people leave. (pause)

CLIENT: Yeah, I guess it goes how far in advance they even tell their landlord that they�re moving out. So okay, I guess March would have been early. [00:14:10]

THERAPIST: But you can�t go back; this is when you�re looking. And you know, there isn�t a time when like everything good is gone. Things move; it�s a cycle, and yes, there�s typical times in this area when things turn over, but that�s not a hard and fast rule. This is when you�re looking, so there isn�t � it doesn�t do you any good to think about what would�ve happened if you looked in March, or April or May.

CLIENT: Yeah. I guess I did start looking in May, but (pause) the very end. Yeah, and just like -

THERAPIST: So what can you do to keep yourself calm as you go through the process?

CLIENT: I have no clue. (chuckle) Possibly take more anti-anxiety � but I took anti-anxiety meds yesterday and it didn�t really -

THERAPIST: Did it help at all?

CLIENT: Not really; I mean for a little bit, but then it kind of came back, and granted like my psychiatrist said I could, you know, I should start with taking 1; if 1 isn�t enough, I can take 2. And if 1 is too much, I can go � then, so I�ve taken 1. So maybe I should have tried taking 2. [00:15:15]

THERAPIST: Yeah, well how high do you feel like your anxiety is?

CLIENT: (pause)

THERAPIST: Use this as a time to tap into that 1-10 scale to give yourself a sense of, is this the take 1? Is it take another?

CLIENT: I know, I was just trying to figure out what number it was; I think somewhere between like 5-7; maybe a 6. Yeah, I�d say it was a 6.

THERAPIST: So if you start, you know, this is probably going to be a high stress time as you look for an apartment; in the past looking for a place has been a very high stress time. This is a good time to start using that scale; asking yourself, �Is this a 5? Is this a 3? Is this a 7?� So that it comes easily, and now you know a 5-6 doesn�t � 1 pill doesn�t really help so much with that. It only helped for a little bit.

So anything that�s bordering � anything that feels like it�s a 5 or a 6, or above that, you know, and take a pill; give it a little bit of time to see if it works. But then follow the psychiatrist�s recommendation; take another 1 or at least take another �. But if she�s recommending that you can take more to manage the symptoms, then you can really follow those recommendations. [00:16:28]

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And if you�re using that 1-10 scale to give yourself a sense of how intense this is, it gives you a way to decide. When is it a time when you take a 1? When is it a time you only take a �? When is it a time that doing some deep breathing might be enough? But rather than having to guess every time -

CLIENT: Yeah, it�s just hard, like not last night, but the night before, I was going to bed and actually started feeling the chest pain like I did when I guess it was last summer when I had this high anxiety that I thought was giving me a heart attack.

THERAPIST: Mm-mm, yeah, so that�s really uncomfortable.

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean it hasn�t gotten that bad since then, but it was like wow.

THERAPIST: You started to feel that same thing.

CLIENT: And the other thing is, I still have to tell them that I�m not ready to lease, but like once that starts, they�re going to have to show the apartment. And I�m like, my apartment is no place � no shape to be shown. I mean I guess (pause) on the one hand, I don�t know if it�s really how much of it is my responsibility to like make the apartment look perfect, so that they can sell it to someone else. But on the other hand, I don�t want it to be embarrassingly bad. [00:17:40]

THERAPIST: Right, and another piece of it is that in part of the application process for new apartments, are they going to check it with your current landlord?

CLIENT: Ah-huh.

THERAPIST: So if he�s going to be seeing your apartment, you want it to look like an apartment that he�d say �Yeah, she�s a very responsible, clean, good tenant.� And so there is some pressure to have it look that way, not necessarily because it�s your responsibility to sell the apartment, but because it�s your responsibility to sell yourself as a good tenant.

CLIENT: Yeah, and you know, I paid all my rent on time.

THERAPIST: Yeah that�s -

CLIENT: I forgot the month � well see that month I even did pay the rent on time, they just messed up the processing of my rent check, and it was actually addressed correctly and everything.

THERAPIST: Yeah, so that�s one piece, right? And that shows a lot of responsibility.

CLIENT: But the whole keeping it clean. Like I haven�t really done a good clean. I mean it�s not like the apartment�s completely in shambles, but just like, you know, a lot of trash and recycling that�s been piled up and needs to go out. And like it�s all surface things that could all be easily cleaned; it�s not like anything disruptive. [00:18:48]

Yeah, I never even had a security deposit, so � (pause) yeah, I hadn�t even thought about the fact that might ask to check back with previous landlords.

THERAPIST: Yeah, I mean that�s usually part of the application, is to write � write your current location (overlapping voices)

CLIENT: Yeah, I guess I had done that, but (pause) I don�t even know if they did check with those landlords.

THERAPIST: Yeah, and they may not. But if it�s something that can�t right; if you see surface things; taking out the trash; taking out the recycling, that is something you can do.

CLIENT: We had like talked yesterday in couples � not yesterday, Wednesday in couples counseling like if Sydney said that he would � you know, he works better in the morning, and he�d start waking up in the morning and start taking care of some of the stuff I�ve been asking him to do.

So like the dishes he had said that he was going to do them yesterday, which didn�t end up happening. And he did at least last night finally help me with you know, I guess the dishes in theory, I could them. But in terms of taking out the litter box; I can clean the litter box, but I just don�t have really the strength to pour like 20 pounds of litter into a bag, and take that out. So he did do that last night. [00:20:03]

But it�s just like, you know, a lot of this trash is because we�ve been doing lots of takeout, because we�ve never done the dishes, so we can�t really cook, and because � or because he hasn�t felt up to cooking. You know, then we haven�t felt up to bringing out all the trash. I guess I�ll do some � I�m like I need to get this done before start work, because it�s just going to get worse.

THERAPIST: Yeah, so this weekend is really the time to do that.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Right? You start on Monday?

CLIENT: I start on Monday. And (pause) yeah, and then the other stressful thing is like figuring out I decided that I am going to go to the Wilsons for the summer party, which I haven�t done in like since 2010, would have been the last time I�ve went.

THERAPIST: That�s a long time.

CLIENT: Yeah, and so like -

THERAPIST: What led you to decide to go this year?

CLIENT: (pause) I figured, you know, I � because I�ve been seeing (inaudible at 00:21:00), you know, lately with (Larps) (ph) and with the wedding and stuff, and I really wanted to go, so I was like, well, you know, Sydney is staying in town for July Fourth, and I�m � you know, and he�s therefore capable of taking care of the cat.

And I was like, maybe if I don�t go for the whole time, because the party starts the Wednesday before July Fourth, and it goes �til the following Monday. So I was like, you know, I�ll go either Thursday or Friday to Sunday, and since Friday is the third, I�m assuming that I�m not working the third, but I don�t know, because I haven�t talked � but that�s the whole.

You know, I wasn�t supposed to negotiate with days off or anything until I got to the negotiation. I wasn�t supposed to bring that up during the interview, but I never got the whole negotiate with the (pause) the step of negotiating with the boss. And I bet my boss will be okay with me taking off the third, you know, from meeting him and stuff like that, that�s fine.

It�s just that the whole process is, I�m supposed to go through the temp agency first. And the guy who interviewed me at the temp agency and stuff is kind of, you know, he was the one who�s all like, �Oh you can only take off like if you get really really sick or stuff.� [00:22:17]

So therefore, but I have to call them, and it�s sort of like, you know, maybe what I need to do is tell my boss ahead of time, but call in sick to the temp agency; like that�s what it�s going to take to be able to get the third off.

THERAPIST: Or maybe you have it off anyway.

CLIENT: Well the Fourth, but not the third. You know, I mean I guess I can go up like Thursday night after work. And it�s only a three and a half hour drive, it�s just not knowing whether or not I can, and not even knowing whether or not I�ll get the Fourth off, because maybe I won�t.

It�s just I assumed like all the researchers will be gone, and it�s not like it�s urgent work. (pause) Who would work on the Fourth of July if they didn�t have to?

THERAPIST: Yeah most businesses are closed.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: I mean is it a hospital that you�re at?

CLIENT: It�s not a hospital; it�s a drug research company. (pause) Yeah, because if it was a hospital, it would make sense to have to go. [00:23:21]

THERAPIST: Right; then they have essential employees that have to work, but research companies are probably closed.

CLIENT: Well except if like people are doing research with like rats and stuff, or bacterial cultures. (overlapping voices)

THERAPIST: Right, they might have to come in, but that wouldn�t be your role.

CLIENT: It wouldn�t be my role, but like maybe I�d have to be in in case they want to -

THERAPIST: Yeah, so this is stuff you�ll find out, because you�ll probably talk � there�ll probably be some talk about all this kind of stuff when you go in on Monday; just kind of a basic schedule.

CLIENT: Yeah, well the beginning, for the first � from when I get there at 8:45 in the morning until (pause) probably until 2:30 in the afternoon, I�m in orientation, which isn�t even done by my boss. So, I�m just like how am I going to bring this up, and how am I going to do this without the temp agency like � like if I talk to someone else at the temp agency, and it isn�t that guy, but there�re only three employees, so the chance of getting him is actually pretty high, and [00:24:19]

THERAPIST: Yeah, well let�s see what you hear on Monday.

CLIENT: Yeah, because taking off the third feels like it�s a completely reasonable thing to ask. It�s just that because it�s so soon, you know, and I registered as though I�m going there on the third, but I guess I�ve only thought of just now the possibility of going on the night of the third.

THERAPIST: Sure, yeah. Leaving right from work, or maybe working a short day if you don�t take the whole day off.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Those things � a lot of places sometimes close early the day before the Fourth. (pause)

CLIENT: Because, but I�m like what if I don�t even get the Fourth off. Like if I don�t get the Fourth off, there�s no way I can go to the party, because like Shabbat� I�d get out at 5, and Shabbat starts at like 8 something, and it�s a 3.5 hour drive. But I can�t imagine them -

THERAPIST: No, that would be out of control. (overlapping voices)

CLIENT: But then I can�t figure this out.

THERAPIST: Right, but these are things that you probably can figure out Monday, after having that long orientation. I would imagine things like company holidays or something that gets some sort of mention in either the handbook that they�ll give you, or the talk they�ll give you. [00:25:33]

Major holidays are kind of generally a part of that, so it�s about turning this question off until Monday, because there�s not � there�s not much that�s going to be resolved about it between now and then. And turning over different possibilities in your head doesn�t actually get you any closer to an answer, but it does make you really anxious.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And it�s hard to shift your thought, but that�s one of the ways that you get to control how much anxiety you want to spin up. (pause)

CLIENT: It�s just like why does taking a vacation have to be so stressful.

THERAPIST: It doesn�t, but when you imagine that people are going to say no, or you imagine people are going to be angry, which is what you�re doing, you�re creating these scenarios in your head; that�s very stressful.

Taking a vacation can be a wonderful thing. (pause) It doesn�t have to be connected to all these other things. (pause) So perhaps focusing on the pieces like, you�ve been seeing people more; it would be nice to spend time with this group. Those are the parts that are really productive chains of thought. [00:26:42]

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: It�s been nice to make these sort of reconnections.

CLIENT: Yeah. (pause) Yeah; I�m looking forward to seeing people, it�s just the whole work thing, and just also not being able to know whether or not I can do a carpool or am I going to have to like drive the whole thing by myself.

THERAPIST: Yeah, but those are things you will know ahead of time, right?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You�ll get some more information when you start your job, and you�ll be able to plan. But it�s not something you can work out right now.

CLIENT: Yeah. (pause) And (pause) yeah, I just liked everything; right now is uncertain, and -

THERAPIST: What felt good this week? Let�s give you a chance to think about things that were in your control, or felt good; felt positive.

CLIENT: I don�t know if anything felt good this week, especially because for most of it, I was sick; I was feeling dizzy. And even today, the dizziness; I finally yesterday and today got to the point where I�m not dizzy in the morning; it�s only in the afternoon. So like I�ll be able to work through the dizziness, especially since I�m not driving. [00:28:01]

But � so, you know, and like my game that was supposed to happen on Monday didn�t happen because there�re multiple people sick, and then Tuesday I didn�t go contra dancing because I was sick. And Wednesday I didn�t go swing dancing because I was sick, and Thursday I didn�t have my game because people were still sick, and -

THERAPIST: So it felt like a really disappointing week.

CLIENT: Yeah, it was actually a really disappointing week, and I didn�t really get to do anything fun. I mean I guess the one good thing is that Sydney helped with the litter box, and I did at least get Poweraide. But, (pause) yeah, and I couldn�t even like go (overlapping voices)

THERAPIST: So it�s a combination of feeling anxious about the apartment stuff, and feeling disappointed in all these plans that fell through, either because you were sick or because of other stuff.

CLIENT: Yeah, so like the fact that I didn�t get to do anything social this week at all was -

THERAPIST: Yeah, that exacerbates your anxiety; feeling disappointed, feeling sad, feeling isolated. [00:29:06]

CLIENT: And I could only knit in little spots of time that Sammy was asleep or out of the room, because the rest of the time, he will come in and attack my knitting. (pause) So I couldn�t even do that. (pause) Yeah, this week was epically disappointing, and stressing out about the apartment thing isn�t helping. (pause)

Yeah, when I was trying to write all those e-mails, and do all that research while I was sick, it was just -

THERAPIST: How are you feeling now? Is the dizziness gone?

CLIENT: I mean it was gone this morning; it�s coming back though, I�m not sure if that�s because I never really � like I had breakfast (pause) I had thought the appointment was at 3:30, so I got in at like 2:00 to have lunch, so that � but then when I texted you, and so I asked them to make my order to go instead, and they did. And so I�ve only been able to eat a few bites of pizza so far, so I�m not sure if it�s that, but I think it�s also just the dizziness is coming back anyway. [00:30:16]

THERAPIST: Yeah, but not having enough to eat can just make you feel kind weak and dizzy.

CLIENT: Yeah, so -

THERAPIST: And with the heat that sort of you know, parts of the week it had, you may be dehydrated too.

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean I did drink a giant glass of water while I was waiting for the pizza. Then I�ve been drinking lots of Poweraide, but (pause) yeah, it�s � and we don�t even have an air conditioner yet, because we haven�t had like the energy to measure the window to get one. (pause)

Though yesterday and the day before, I actually thought it was really cold.

THERAPIST: Yeah, yesterday and today�s not warm either.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Earlier in the week, I felt like it was.

CLIENT: Yeah, so -

THERAPIST: It�s been very up and down. (pause)

CLIENT: Yeah, everything is just one after the � you know, and not having the sun yesterday or today; yesterday we did use the sun lamp, and we�ll probably end up using the sun lamp when I get home. [00:31:20]

THERAPIST: Yeah, it�s very great.

CLIENT: Yeah. (pause) But, (pause) yeah, just feeling like I have to get everything done before I start work, and resenting the fact that I�ve been dizzy and haven�t been able to get that much done before I start work.

THERAPIST: Mm. Get everything done? How are you going to get everything done before you start work?

CLIENT: Well it just feels like if I don�t, then everything will fall apart, because the, you know, they�ll start showing the apartment, and the apartment isn�t clean. And like, I need to do laundry before I start work, so I have work clothes that aren�t like completely covered in cat hair. (pause) And, getting the window � or measuring the window for the air conditioner.

THERAPIST: Yeah, so there�re definitely some tasks that�ll be easier to do when you�re not working, but this another place where how your thinking about something can increase your anxiety or decrease it. [00:32:21]

Life is going to continue to move on even when you start work. You�re going to have less time during the day, because you�re going to be doing other things. But it�s a normal expectation that you�re going to be able to do some things after work, or you know, if you have a lunch hour that you can make a phone call, or place an order for an air conditioner on Amazon -

CLIENT: Well my parents are actually going to get for me through the hardware store; I just have to measure the window, so that -

THERAPIST: Yeah, so putting in a phone call to them, �Hey, we measured the window last night, and this is what it was.� Is something that you can do, so the pressure that you feel like all or nothing; that you have to do everything before work, because after you start work, nothing�s going to happen?

CLIENT: Well -

THERAPIST: That dichotomy is too much to bear.

CLIENT: But the laundry, you know, to get that done for work, and the cleaning because the first day of work will also be the first day they�re possibly showing the apartment, is going � you know, those ones are real. Those ones I can�t just punt until whenever, because I need to make the apartment look really, really really semi nice. [00:33:27]

THERAPIST: Yeah, you�re going to need to clean the apartment and then you�re going to need to keep it clean. I mean it�s not that you�re going to have to clean it once, and never touch it again until you leave.

CLIENT: Well unless it goes really quickly, like it was on the market for two days when I found it, so � and you know, that was like an off-time for like January first, so I�ve actually � I mean I might only have to clean the apartment once, (pause) which is what I�m hoping in, because then also scheduling and making sure that Sydney is home for the showing, so that like the cat doesn�t get out. (pause) Because that would be disastrous. (pause) So the showings are just going to be so much stress, and I�m -

THERAPIST: The showing�s going to create a little extra work. (pause)

CLIENT: Yeah. (pause) I mean I just hope they have to give me a certain amount of notice.

THERAPIST: I would imagine it�s written somewhere in the rules about tenancy. [00:34:32]

CLIENT: I just don�t have a copy of the lease somewhere handy.

THERAPIST: And if you�re going to be working, you know, he may give you notice, but you need to do it before you leave the house in the morning.

CLIENT: Yeah, definitely. (pause) I mean so hopefully, he�d give me like the day before, and then I�d have like evening.

THERAPIST: You�d have that evening.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Which is when people get things done when they work a nine to five type job. And you can do that too; you can take your hours in the evening to get some tasks accomplished. (pause)

CLIENT: But it�s also like if I�m going to like � I mean, yes, I�m projecting out that the dizziness will last longer, but like the past few times that I�ve had stomach bugs, the dizziness has lasted for awhile. Like it�s always worse in the afternoon, so if I�m like working, and then I have to come home, and be dizzy, and Sydney also is like � I don�t think he�s been sick as I am, but he�s also sick.

THERAPIST: Mm. Yeah, so it�s tough timing.

CLIENT: Yeah, which is why I�m just really resentful that this happened the week before work, and (pause) that I can�t get things done easily.

THERAPIST: So it�s a lot of (inaudible at 00:35:40) you�re having this week; feeling really disappointed in things; you�ve just been feeling really resentful about being sick; feeling really kind of scared about the housing piece. That�s a lot of strong feelings to have to sit with. (pause)

Have you been able to talk to anybody? (pause) To kind of commiserate or vent to a friend? Get some support; get some empathy?

CLIENT: Not really. (pause) I mean there�s Sydney, but like -

THERAPIST: Is he willing to listen?

CLIENT: Sometimes, it�s just, you know, if I get too despairing it�ll set him off, and so I have to not be too despairing and hold it in. Then also, if I�m telling him about how afraid I am about getting the apartment cleaned up for a showing, you know, and he�s supposed to be helping me with that, then that would put pressure on him.

So, (pause) yeah I don�t really have anyone I can commiserate with right now.

THERAPIST: You said you had been talking more to some of the people from (inaudible at 00:36:45); are they not -

CLIENT: I don�t know, I�m not really close enough with most of them to like tell them about � like they�re fun people to hang out with and stuff, but I�d never really shown them my (pause) this is what I�m like when I�m not really happy thing.

Maybe they could, but it feels like I�d be pushing boundaries to keep that, and I don�t want to do that. (pause) You know, (pause) style of norms and all that. (pause)

THERAPIST: Yeah, so it makes you hold on to a lot.

CLIENT: Yeah. And most of them aren�t even local, so I think, especially with people I�m close to, they�re not local. So I can�t just get together and hang out with them.

THERAPIST: Sometimes a phone call; if there is somebody that you can think of that you would feel comfortable sharing some of this stuff with. You know, face to face is really nice, but if it�s going to be a phone call, or even an e-mail or text exchange [00:37:55]

CLIENT: Yeah, because the other thing about the phone call, is if Sydney is at my place, and I call like, (pause) he�d be � I�d have to either take him out of the room, or he�d be hearing that. (pause) (sigh)

THERAPIST: Well need to ask him � may ask him for some space.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: To connect with other people in your life, because there are other people, even if they�re not local. (pause)

CLIENT: I just don�t want to bother people. (pause) And I just don�t want admit to them like how bad my apartment has gotten and stuff, you know.

THERAPIST: Mm, so you�re feeling ashamed?

CLIENT: Yeah. (pause) So, (pause) yeah, I really can�t tell anyone about this. [00:38:55] (pause)

THERAPIST: Well I�m glad you can tell me. (pause)

CLIENT: (sigh) (pause) I think I�d feel a lot better if we at least had like a viable third person, because then I could like do things we�re not doing, like find good apartments. So, (sniffle) I don�t even have that.

THERAPIST: When you said there were a couple people on the spreadsheet that might be worth calling �

CLIENT: Maybe.

THERAPIST: So maybe that�s your plan of action.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: If that feels like it�s a thing that�s going to relieve some of the burden; getting that third person, then reaching out to the other people on the spreadsheet that might be an option. Or maybe even getting creative, and call maybe some local synagogues; maybe they have a list, or a way of reaching out to members that might be looking for, you know, apartments as well, that haven�t found out about this spreadsheet yet. But maybe you could, now that you�ve got this line of thinking, I mean that might be a service that some of the local congregations provide. [00:40:02]

CLIENT: Maybe. (pause) You mean, or like put it in their newsletter; it�s just easier to do that when you actually have a place. But I guess I could see if I could put in the �

THERAPIST: And then, you know, when we�ve looked before when you were job searching; having a named specific task you could do, helps you keep moving and feel like you were being productive, and relieved from that anxiety. So kind of pulling from what worked when you were job searching to this.

And some of this stuff; you just can�t do anything about this weekend. You can�t plan what your vacation time is going to look like yet until you talk to � you know, get that orientation on Monday. But making some phone calls before (Shabotte) (sp?) is something you can do.

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean I actually have talked to some of the people on the spreadsheet; like I�ve gone � I just haven�t gotten to these ones, because the ones I have talked to unfortunately are like so many of them have been allergic to cats. (sniffle) (sigh)

THERAPIST: Yeah, making it further down that list, and maybe making a call to some of the local congregations, you know, there�s a couple in Somerville. [00:41:08]

CLIENT: Huh-ah. (sigh)

THERAPIST: Yeah?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Maybe they won�t have a link to that type of a thing, but maybe they will. Pardon me, but they do have like you said, you know, a newsletter going out. (pause)

Why don�t we wrap up there for today? I know we have some 8:30 times scheduled for after you start work.

CLIENT: Yeah, we have the 23rd.

THERAPIST: And if (pause) if you want to meet next week, give me a call, once you know what your schedule�s like. And if you feel like you need a time before the 23rd, we�ll see if we can find a space to meet next week.

CLIENT: Okay, and I think I�ll probably � I�m hoping I�ll probably be fine, but I�ll see.

THERAPIST: Me too, but I do have some spaces, so if you do need, you know, kind of a session in between � and I�m just noticing that I�m going to take you off of Monday the 16th. (chuckle) (overlapping voices) So take that off, and I�ll see you at 8:30 on the 23rd, unless I hear otherwise.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Okay?

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