TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: So where do we start?

CLIENT: So, the new job is going well.

THERAPIST: I�m glad to hear that.

CLIENT: But the temp agency is as annoying as I thought they were going to be (laughter).

THERAPIST: What do you mean by that?

CLIENT: So, the job is supposed to be 40 hours a week. Turns out that my boss is actually really flexible and stuff. And he�s been�I guess because it�s summer he�s biking (ph) he comes in at seven and leaves at three. And so for the first day, it was all orientation and no showing me how to do my job. It was all like, �oh this is what the company does.� And they had the orientation, there were a good thirty of us, or something ridiculous, and most of them were scientists. And so first of all�so I knew I was supposed to call the temp agency during the day, but I didn�t really have a chance because it was sort of one day after another. And we had lunch, but lunch was lunch with your supervisor. And so afterwards the temp agency guy called me, and he was like, �Oh, did you have a lunch break?� and I was like �Yes.� And he�s like, �Oh, you should have called me during that.� I was like, �Well, it was a lunch with my supervisor, you know?� [00:01:20]

Because (laughter) it would have been incredibly rude to call the temp agency during my lunch with my supervisor. And then at the end of the week�so there were a few days, especially because Thurs�I haven�t been eating enough, because I was�so they have a cafeteria, and the cafeteria�s actually very, very cheap. And the first day they give us a voucher for, like, ten dollars� worth of food, which got me a lot of stuff. But I was like, �OK, well they sell a piece of one slices, and they have the boxes that are one slices. Clearly this means that one slice of pizza is enough for a meal.� And, so doing that for a couple days, and then also getting salad with it, but salad doesn�t really fill you up that much. [00:02:15]

And then also, on Wednesday I had brought in leftovers for lunch but they had gone bad, so then by the time I figured that out, I didn�t really have time to also go over to the cafeteria to get more food. And then dinner that night got messed up, too. And it was takeout, so I couldn�t really do anything about it. And also dinner got delayed. So by Thursday I was feeling really dead. And so Thursday I ended up leaving at four. Because Tuesday I still didn�t know how to do my job and so I couldn�t stay past three. Wednesday I stayed, like, until 4:30. Thursday I left at four. I could have actually stayed on until six and not done any work and gotten paid for it because every other Thursday, every few Thursdays, there�s this thing called a fiesta that starts at four and ends at 6:30. And they have plates of fruit and cheeses, and actually alcohol and a bunch of things. And my boss said, �If you go to the fiesta, you should mark yourself as having worked for whatever time you stay there for.� But I was so dead by then that I just couldn�t (laughter) and I left. [00:03:33]

And by Friday, I ended up working about�oh, yeah, on Friday in the summer they let you leave at noon. I ended up staying until one.

THERAPIST: So, not a bad workday.

CLIENT: Yeah. But then the guy from the temp agency, when he called me�first of all, he had told me to be exact about my hours, and the system that the company uses actually lets you put individual minutes and stuff. And I had at least made sure to make everything a multiple of five. But it ended up being, like, 28.67 hours, which, if anyone can do the math, is like, 28 hours and 40 minutes. But I guess they only do�the temp agency will only do multiples of 15 minutes.

THERAPIST: That�s uncommon (ph). [00:04:26]

CLIENT: Yeah, which, whatever. And in this case I rounded up. He said if I work closer to the lower end I should round down, which I don�t think I�ll do because I don�t think it�s actually legal to not pay you for all the time you worked if you�re hourly. But I didn�t tell him that. You know, I�ll probably just try to make sure things turn into 15-minute increments.

THERAPIST: Yeah, it�s not that hard to just work an extra five minutes.

CLIENT: Yeah, but he was all like, �Oh, you didn�t work the full 40 hours,� and I was like �Well, I couldn�t really do that. My boss leaves at three and I didn�t know how to do my job for the first few days, and on Fridays they let you leave at noon.� And he�s like, �Well are you going to do that?� I was like, �It depends.� Well first he was like, �Oh, do you have to leave at noon?� I was like, �No.� He�s like, are you going to?� I�m like, �Well, it depends on how much work I have.� Which isn�t quite true, it probably will depend on what my plan are and how I�m feeling. But just getting on to me for not working the full 40 hours�because [he�s trying to be like,] (ph) �Oh, well we want to make sure you have the full 40 hours,� but I think it was really more they want to get paid for the full 40 hours. [00:05:34]

And here I have this job that is flexible and I got a lot of work done on Friday. Especially given that I was only there for four hours. But, God I really hate dealing with the temp agency. And the problem is I�m supposed to call them every week and stuff�in theory at least for my full six-month assignment. And I�m just sort of dreading having to continue dealing with them. And this weekend I got sick, and today I still feel sick, but I�m going to go into work. Then I have to stay until 5:30 because I�m getting in at 9:30, or the temp agency will get�and it�s really just that one guy, except the problem is there are only three people working at the temp agency, so I have at least a one in three chance of talking to him, whereas the other two people are more reasonable. [00:06:40]

THERAPIST: I wonder if, over the course of time, being able to sort of develop a script almost, that you use for your weekly comments. Take some of the contentious feeling out of it.

CLIENT: It just feels�I don�t know, he�s so abrasive. And also with the drug test�he had given me the address and the e-mail, but he had also given me the�and told me, �It�s right across the street from where we are� And I had put in the name of the drug testing place�I think I�d even put in the address but Google AutoCorrected it to the old address, which was right across the street from the temp agency. And so they had moved, like, two weeks before I had the drug test. So then instead of being in the financial district, they were at the north end. And he was like, �Did you get the drug test?� I�m like, �Yes, it was actually not where you said it was.� He�s like, �Oh, well I sent you the address.� I�m like, �But Google Autocorrected it.� He�s like �Why didn�t you use the address�� [00:07:44]

Well, the real reason was I was in a rush and they only took walk-ins until two pm. And I had then called because buy the time I was going to do it, it was already after two and I got an appointment for 2:50 which meant leaving right then. You know, and yes, I did end up getting the drug test and I ended up finding their actual place, and stuff. But it was a lot more trouble than I had anticipated. But he�s also the one who originally told me, �Oh, well you can never miss time unless you�re super sick,� or whatever. And the other problem is�

THERAPIST: But your daily interaction will be with the people with whom you�re working.

CLIENT: Yes, but the weekly interaction�that and I can get the third of July off for the party, but now I have to tell that to the temp agency and I�m very tempted to just call in sick on the third. Though, my boss won�t be there at all, so I�m not sure what they�re�maybe I should actually tell them ahead of time. I�m just like, �I don�t want to deal with this but I have to deal with this at some point.� And maybe it would be better to just work a half-day instead so I don�t have to deal with it. [00:08:55]

But it depends on when other people are leaving Rhode Island, if we�re doing a carpool, whether or not they have to work. But it�s just, I don�t like dealing with this guy at all. He�s a jerk face, and I will have to deal with him once a week. And more if I even get sick or anything, because even though I can just tell my boss, �They want me to��it makes sense for short-term assignment, if you�re sick you call into the temp agency so they can send someone new. But it really doesn�t make sense for my assignment considering I had to go through drug test, and background checks, and confirmation of education and an interview, such that they�re not going to replace me for a day. They�re not. They can�t (laughter). They would have to�they can�t interview the person, and they can�t put them through the drug test. And no one would go do a drug test for a one-day assignment. [00:09:59]

So it�s just dreading any time that I have to miss, and the fact that I�m still a little sick and I�m just like, �Well, I�m gonna go anyways and��

THERAPIST: How long do you think each phone call with the agency will last?

CLIENT: Well, the ones where I have to explain unpleasant things�like a good five minutes. Plus the lead-up to it of being panicked, I�ll have to�

THERAPIST: No, that�s not the question. The question is �How long does the phone call last?�

CLIENT: Probably five minutes, maybe two minutes eventually.

THERAPIST: So, if we give it the longer estimate of five minutes, think about how much dread and anxiety and distress do you really want to put yourself through for five minutes a week? And even if we double that�a week that something unforeseen happens and you have to have a phone call�ten minutes. [00:11:03]

You�ve spent fifteen worrying about it today, that�s more time than you have to spend dealing with them in a week. So, you know, I empathize with you that this guy seems like a stickler for rules that don�t necessarily make any sense. You talk about his tone as being quite abrasive and that�s uncomfortable to deal with. But you can limit him to ten minutes a week, maybe less. Rather than letting your anxiety and distaste for him take up much more of your week. The actual time you spend is going to be with the people at the job, and it sounds like they�re human.

CLIENT: Everyone at the job is really nice and�

THERAPIST: Yeah, so let�s see if we can focus on that, which is going to be a lot more of your time. And really, the time that you spend feeling upset about the phone call, let it be the five minutes about the phone call and then hang up and be done. I think that�s what�s going to make your experience much more about what the experience is about, rather than the thing that you�re anticipating. [00:12:10]

CLIENT: I�m not worried at all about my job. I�ve figured out how to�the big piece of it is scanning, and I know how to do the scanning now and�as efficient as I can be, given the machine sometimes being a pain�

THERAPIST: So what does your job actually entail?

CLIENT: So, they have the lab notebooks and�the thing with the scanner is, it�s really good at picking up pages that have something taped to them. And most of the lab notebook is printed out PowerPoints or experiments taped into these pages. Though the first, like, 20 pages aren�t like that. It�ll take a picture of each side, pick up the page section and turn it over. So mostly overseeing that, and then I have to take those images and crop them so it�s just the page and not the area around it. [00:13:03]

And then I turn those into�I run the cropping through the whole batch, and then I turn that into a PDF and then I turn it into a locked and unlocked PDF, and put in to things. And I can sort of do�while I�m working on the PDF thing, I can often start a new book scanning and stuff. So that�s the majority of it. And then there�s also office hours where they�is when the researchers will come in and drop off their old lab notebooks and get new ones. And then there�s a bunch of stuff when dealing with corporate records�which, unfortunately he explained this to me on Thursday when I was feeling pretty dead. So I don�t�that and it was looking at his computer and I didn�t actually do it myself.

THERAPIST: You might need a little refresher on that.

CLIENT: Yeah. I�m kind of annoyed that I need a refresher because I feel like I should be able to do this without having to ask again. But I probably will have to ask again. [00:14:11]

But yeah, that�s�they give you boxes. And they give you a box list for each collection and mostly, I think, just entering what is on that list into the system and printing out the labels, and taping up the boxes when they�re done. The thing is, I�m not actually doing any�in terms of the normal archives job of taking a collection and sorting it and making sense of it, because they already have these procedures in place. They have a class that they teach the researchers how to correctly keep a lab notebook and stuff. And I guess they have something similar with the corporate records. So it�s really just entering everything into the system because, in theory, everything is the way that it�s supposed to be. [00:15:12]

THERAPIST: It�s already sort of sorted for you.

CLIENT: Yeah. And the thing is, at least with the picking of the corporate records and stuff, and also the office hours that are in tech�because there�s the one [on Mass Ave.] (ph)�where there are two actual working buildings in the cafeteria, then they have a couple of buildings in the square, which is about a block away, then they have another one�so we go to the square, like�right now it�s twice a week, though they�re switching it to once a week so the people in those areas can drop off the lab notebooks without having to come all the way down to 250. So, those times I�m getting out of the office and getting to meet people. And also the thing is�my boss drinks, like, two coffees a day, and when we go and get more coffee as if that�s counted towards my working time and stuff. So (inaudible at [00:16:15]).

THERAPIST: So, yeah. Weather like this, that�s beautiful.

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean it�s really not that far of a walk to the cafeteria, it�s just through a little courtyard. But the building�

THERAPIST: [But you�re] (ph) not sitting, necessarily, at�locked behind a desk the whole day.

CLIENT: Yeah, you�re not behind a desk, and the�everything except for the basement has big glass windows and lots of natural light and stuff, so it�s a good environment.

THERAPIST: Wonderful. It sounds like there�s a lot of positives about this placement.

CLIENT: Yeah. Really, the only negative�well, besides the fact that it�s no benefits and stuff�the only negative is dealing with the tamp agency.

THERAPIST: So if you think about ways to just really limit that to the actual interaction, then so much of it would be really good for you. [00:17:05]

CLIENT: Yeah, but I�m also still worried about the whole figuring out where I�m living�that�s actually�so the reason my dinner got so delayed on Wednesday was, we had found two other possible people. And so first I went and saw a four-person apartment that wasn�t a very nice one, and then we were going to have a Skype chat with the four of us and it ended up taking an hour and I should have had Sydney order the food while I was doing the Skype, but I had no way to say anything to him since my phone was on�the microphone for my laptop was on, I didn�t want to interrupt the phone call for that. So the call started at eight, ended at like nine, and then we didn�t even order food until nine.

THERAPIST: That�s really late. [00:18:02]

CLIENT: Yeah, and I was excited and I thought it was really going to work. And we got

along with all the things, but only at the end did they decide to bring up�so one of the two people we found is on the more religious side, and the other one is on the less religious side. And I thought we would be able to compromise on (inaudible at [00:18:16]) and kosher. But both of them were sort of uncomfortable going to the other�s level or meeting in the middle. Then also, it was like, �Maybe we can live with the one who�s less religious,� and then it was like, �Oh, by the way, I actually only want to live in a square,� which he could have told us all along, and only waited until the end of this hour-long phone call. Thinking that we had the two people, I cancelled seeing last week some two-bedroom apartments that I�m going to see again. The thing was, they were all in Hamden, anyways. And such a beautiful place that I had found, but I don�t really see the likelihood of finding two more people. And it was just� [00:19:08]

THERAPIST: So now you�re looking just for the original two?

CLIENT: Yeah. I�m looking for the original two. And so I�m seeing those places today. And it�s just really frustrating. And I found a place that was in a square that was within our budget, but it got rented out in a day. And then there was this one that I found that�the lady had asked if I could see it on Saturday, and I was actually in Providence for the weekend. So by the time I got back, it was already rented out, too. And I�m not really finding any suitable places that�a lot of them are sort of in the middle of nowhere or�I found ones that looked like they�d be possibly in a good location, and then it�s like �Oh, actually this is one bedroom in a two-bedroom apartment and not the whole thing.� [00:20:06]

All these little things, where, �Oh, it says that they allow pets, but they don�t.� So it�s just�

THERAPIST: Frustrating.

CLIENT: Frustrating, and I�m just so not wanting to live in Hamden. I�m just afraid that it�ll�

THERAPIST: It�s a longer commute.

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean I guess it was only�I looked it up, it could be just a 40 minute commute, but that�s still�especially if I want to go home in between work. If I have music or something like that. It�s just like, I�ll never have a social life, and I�ll have to give up all my activities because they�re� Hamden is too far away.

THERAPIST: It�d be a lot easier for you to live on the metro line with your other�with this job and with music.

CLIENT: Yeah, and I�m just not really finding places on the metro line. And if we could find a new third person, maybe it would be easier to find three bedrooms. [00:21:10]

But I think, at least for now, we�ve exhausted our three-person options. And every person we�ve found who could be a third person has fallen through, and I don�t know if I want to deal with that happening again. I�m just pissed off that I wasted all this time.

THERAPIST: Yeah, you�ve invested a lot of time.

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean at least�because Thursday and Friday I was going to see two places that were four bedrooms, so then after Wednesday night turned out things weren�t going to work out, I was at least able to cancel those two so that I could�

THERAPIST: Save that time.

CLIENT: Save the time, yeah, and Thursday would have been really miserable if I had tried to see a place. But yeah, I�m just starting to get really hopeless and think that I�ll have to live in Hamden and I really don�t want to. [00:22:07]

THERAPIST: Is there an option to stay at your current apartment, like, another month?

CLIENT: No. The first lease you sign could be anywhere from three to twelve months, but after that you�re locked-in to a yearlong lease. And I already told them last week that I was not going to renew the lease and I was going to be vacating August 31st. Well, also the problem is�so there are places that are available now or possibly July first, or August first, and there�s no way Sharun (ph) could afford to move in a month early. And I�m not sure I could afford to pay for an entire place for a month to move in early. I mean, it would be nice to be able to move in early, because then I wouldn�t have to worry about, what do I do for the night between when I have to leave my apartment and when I get into the new place? [00:23:13]

Yeah, so it�s just so much stress, and I feel like I�m going to continue to be stressed until I find a place.

THERAPIST: Well, it�s stressful not to know where you�re going to be next. That is a very stressful thing. You need to keep looking with an open mind. And even if the date is different, if you find a place that�s great for mid-month or July 31st, maybe seeing if you can move out early�if you find a place that would be good, and that�s the problems.

CLIENT: Actually, I didn�t even think of that as an option, but yeah. That would actually probably work because then I would have to pay double rent. I don�t know whether or not they�d allow it. I think it would depend on whether or not they�

THERAPIST: Whether they were able to rent your place. But I think the important thing is to think about finding a place where you want to live, because that�s the longer-term thing. [00:24:18]

If Hamden�s not going to be a good community for you, and thinking about, �Well, is it paying one month of extra rent someplace else because you find a good place somewhere but the date is wrong, versus the right timing and the wrong place?� The wrong place is a longer lasting decision, rather than trying to figure out what you do with this extra month. I think really looking for a place that�s going to be a good fit and then working on trying to make the other stuff fit in as best you can in terms of timing. That stuff is more movable, but if you pick it apart and rent in a community that isn�t right for you, you can�t move that.

CLIENT: Yeah, I guess I�d have to talk to my parents and see if they�d help me out with that.

THERAPIST: I think your main goal now is to continue apartment hunting and really looking for an apartment that�s going to be a good fit in terms of the location and the price longer-term, and finding roommates with whom you actually want to live. Those are things that impact you over the longer term. You�ve had some really difficult experiences living with people that you don�t know, having to commute�not because of the apartment but because of the dog. But still, you know that commute really affects your quality of life. Roommates really affect your quality of life. [00:25:46]

CLIENT: I mean I got the roommates thing figured out, at least. Yeah, G�s (ph) even like that that with me having Sydney over whenever, which was the big thing I was worried about would be a problem. Well, that, plus them being jerks was a problem last time. But I�m just trying to see whether I can convince to myself that the commute to Brookline wouldn�t be that bad, and maybe it would be OK if I lived there. [00:26:27]

But last time I was really thinking of it I got really upset.

THERAPIST: Right. So that�s a big clue. That gut reaction. And the piece that makes you really upset is the length of time and how that would eat in to activities.

CLIENT: Yeah, and just thinking how no one would even visit me if I was out in Hamden. And I really want to have an apartment when I can have friends over again, which I currently can�t do given the tininess of my apartment. The only place to hang out is on the bed, which works when it�s just me and Sydney, but it would be kind of weird if I had a friend over or something.

THERAPIST: So having an apartment that�s a little bigger, having a common space that feels�you could host somebody.

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean it doesn�t even have to be a big thing, or (inaudible at [00:27:15]) just being able to have a place to get together with friend would be really nice. I guess I�ll go re-look at everything. Because I don�t think I could afford two months if I were doing July first, but I might be able to do August first.

THERAPIST: Yeah, maybe there�s some wiggle-room on moving out a little early if you find a place like that, or pro-rating a month or something. Sometimes managers are willing to do that.

CLIENT: The thing is, it�s a property management company and not an individual landlord, so I feel like it might be less likely. But I can at least�

THERAPIST: Well, your first job is to find a space, and then you can figure out which questions you need to ask. And when you find a space, I can help you try to think creatively about how to make it work. (Pause) How have things been with Sydney? [00:28:22]

CLIENT: They�re getting better, I think. One of the things we covered in couples therapy last time was the whole thing where he will sometimes forget to take his meds and stuff, and he�ll talk about what if he was no longer responsible for him taking his meds? Because originally, it was like, well I�d still have to deal with the consequences if he doesn�t. But we tried it and it�s actually been good. I think he�s taken his meds most of the time, though I think he might have missed a few times. But he did get one of those pill organizers that�

THERAPIST: So it shows a commitment to wanting to be consistent.

CLIENT: The one thing she had mentioned was the ADD coach, which he�s never seen one before. And she was going to give him the contact info if the coach was actually taking new patients. And she never got back to us about that, so I assume that the coach was not taking new patients. I mean, we�ll see her on Wednesday morning. [00:29:32]

THERAPIST: Yeah, so you can ask, because it may have slipped her mind, you know? Similar to how had your bill sitting there and didn�t give it to you. Well I�m glad that it seems to be helpful. It sounds like you found someone who�s a good fit for you guys as a couple.

CLIENT: Yeah, we still have the whole thing with a lot of recycling and trash that hadn�t gone out. He said he�d do that, and said he�d do the dishes. And then it was Friday and we were leaving on Saturday and I didn�t want Jack and (inaudible at [00:30:06]) to see the place being as much of a mess as it was. For a few days Sydney has said he�d get to it tomorrow. So I got really, really mad at him for making it wait. He�s like, �Oh, well I�ll do it tonight.� I�m just like, �I don�t trust you. You�ve said that for several days now.� Like he was going to get the dishes done two weeks ago. Because he�s like, �Oh, I can wake up in the morning now and do things.�

THERAPIST: You haven�t seen that happen.

CLIENT: No.

THERAPIST: So that feels really frustrating.

CLIENT: He did in fact at the end do the trash or recycling on Friday night, or at least the one in the bedroom. There was also this bunch of trash or recycling in the kitchen that he didn�t get to. But at least it was better than nothing. But it�s just like, I won�t have time to do all the chores when I�m working every day and you have all this free time where you�re essentially doing nothing. You should be taking out a bigger chunk of this, especially since you�re here every day, so it�s not like you�re really even living in your apartment. [00:31:25]

THERAPIST: Is that something you said to him, �You should be taking on a bigger role?�

CLIENT: Yeah, and I have.

THERAPIST: I wonder if it would be easier for him to hear if you change the messaging a little bit to, �I would really appreciate it if you would take on a bigger role.� The difference being that�I don�t know if your therapist has talked with you about �you statements� and �I statements� when you�re communicating with someone?

CLIENT: Well we haven�t specifically talked about it. But he said he wants to take on a bigger role, it�s just if he remember to on any given day, and then it gets too late for him to actually feel motivated to do stuff.

THERAPIST: And what you want to do is, when you�re talking with him, your role is to try to tap in to that motivation. You want to be reinforcing the motivation that he feels to want to be more of a participant, and to want to do the things he can to kind of help out in a relationship. And when people hear, �You should do this, you should do that,� it doesn�t tap-in to that sort of internal motivation. Because now you have someone sort of putting an obligation on you rather than somebody sort of encouraging you. And when someone says, �Oh, I�d really appreciate it if you could do this,� or �I�d really appreciate some help with this chore.� The idea is the same, but what happens is the way that it�s heard feels more encouraging. Because the message that you hear is, �Oh, this person is going to be really happy if I do this,� versus �Here�s another responsibility that just got heaped on me.� [00:33:15]

So just making that little switch might help you tap-in to his�already [the sense] that�s there that he wants to help out, but sometimes it�s hard for him, or he forgets, or the motivation�s not there in the moment. And if he hears in his head the idea of, �Sydney you should do this because you�ve got all this free time,� kind of in his head�the feeling that leaves, if I were to say that to you. �You should really make that phone call.� What does that leave you feeling?

CLIENT: Like I should get the phone call done so I can get it over with?

THERAPIST: What�s the feeling, though?

CLIENT: Not happiness, but still motivation to�

THERAPIST: Sort of an obligation. So, for me, when I feel obligated, I feel like something I�m supposed to do as a responsible therapist, or as a responsible citizen depending on what the chore is. But maybe dread, maybe a kind of renascence.

CLIENT: I guess for me that would be motivation, because I don�t want to be feeling like this anymore. The way to stop feeling like it is to get the thing done. But I guess Sydney doesn�t work that way. [00:34:33]

THERAPIST: Yeah. It�s a kind of motivation, but it�s not really a positive motivation, right? Because it�s a wish to avoid guilt, or pain, or dread, rather than a wish to please or make somebody happy. And sometimes that does work to get you moving, but it doesn�t really create a ton of good will, especially because you�re dealing with this in a relationship. You don�t just want him to do stuff, you also want him to feel good, you want to be happy, you want him to be happy. This isn�t a random worker that you want to do some stuff for you that you don�t care so much about their feelings. And so having maybe a positively motivated�and if you can maybe think about how you word your message, you might be able to tap-in to a more positive feeling motivation. [00:35:22]

CLIENT: Maybe. The problem was also�I don�t know if it�s just because I [phrased it] (ph) but when there�s something I want him to do he always feels pressure for something that needs to be done.

THERAPIST: And that pressure doesn�t help for him.

CLIENT: No. It�s like, why is it any time that I want something to happen you have to feel pressure?

THERAPIST: Right, so I wonder what makes him feel that pressure. There may be a roll the communication plays in it. My guess is it�s not 100 percent any one factor. There�s a combination of factors. Do you feel pressure? Do you feel that same pressure that he feels?

CLIENT: No. Right now I�m feeling pressure of, oh I must do as close to the full 40 hours.

THERAPIST: Yeah, you tend to feel it, not from Sydney, but from other places. From the abrasive temp agency guy, and you felt pressure from your parents for sure. Whether it be to find a place that�s cheaper, or to get a job. Definitely, that�s a feeling you understand but just not in terms of your relationship. [00:36:29]

CLIENT: But if Sydney wants something or I need to make a phone call or something like that, I don�t feel pressure. I guess because it�s not that often that there�s something Sydney wants me to do in the first place. But if he wants to me get him a glass of water then I�ll do it. It doesn�t feel like pressure. If it�s something that I think he�s asking too much and I feel sick too I might feel resentment for him asking me. But I don�t feel pressure. So I�m not sure why that is.

THERAPIST: Yeah, where that comes from for him.

CLIENT: I guess because I�m usually the one asking him to do stuff and not vice versa. Or the thing he asks me to do are usually so small that I can instantly do them.

THERAPIST: It doesn�t feel beyond your capability in any way.

CLIENT: Yeah. I don�t know. I guess I could try with the �I statements.� I�m not sure if it�ll actually change how much pressure he feels.

THERAPIST: Yeah, you probably don�t have complete control over that. Maybe the communication can ease it or exacerbate it, but you�re not going to have complete control over eliminating that. [00:37:58]

CLIENT: It�s just [so hard] (ph). I have no time to do chores now.

THERAPIST: Well it makes sense that the person who is in the space more could take care of the space more. And with you working now and him being home, he�s in the space a lot more than you are.

CLIENT: Yeah, and especially while I�m still dealing with finding a place. He knows where he�s living next year. He signed his lease again, he�s there until the following September or whatever. He�s not trying to find a place. He�s not going to have to move. Luckily they haven�t done anything yet with showing the apartment. I was worried that they were going to want to show it while we were out on Saturday, because I feel like someone has to be home when we show it because dealing with the (inaudible at [00:39:02]). So yeah, they haven�t done anything with the showing yet, but I know it�s going to come at some point in the near future. And we really need to clean up before then.

THERAPIST: And if you can start doing those chores now then it�s not as much of a rush. Not piled up.

CLIENT: It just feels like I could do parts of it, but some of it is just beyond me because I�m�

THERAPIST: Yeah, I mean, I takes teamwork. [00:39:29]

CLIENT: Yeah, after the first week of work I was exhausted. I don�t know if it was�

THERAPIST: Yeah, well hopefully you�ll be able to find an eating schedule that eases that.

CLIENT: Yeah. Because the thing is, I guess I could take an hour for lunch. It�s just then I don�t get paid for my lunch break, and then either I�ll have to stay until 5:30 or whatever or I�ll get more complaints about not working the full 40 hours. Even though my boss is like, �Oh, yeah, take as long as you want for lunch.� And it�s not like my boss was upset that I worked less than the 40 hours or with the amount of work that I got done.

THERAPIST: It was the first week.

CLIENT: It was the first week, and I made a significant dent. Since the other person had been gone for a couple weeks, there had been a huge pile-up of lab notebooks and I got a lot of them done. [00:40:24]

THERAPIST: That�s great. Well, I�m glad that the actual job and people with whom you�re working feel like a good fit. And getting figuring out how to arrange your schedule so that you can appease the temp agency, also work around your own needs.

CLIENT: Because I�m waking up at, like, six thirty in the morning. Some of that is because if I take�there�s one 83 bus that will get in really early, and the other one�well I guess I still get in on time, but have less time to get caffeine. The one that leaves at 7:20 is fine. The one that leave at 7:40 gets stopped by a lot of traffic.

THERAPIST: You start to figure these things out after the first week.

CLIENT: I could have taken the T, but I�ve been so exhausted that I don�t�maybe I�ll be able to do that next week, or later this week. But for now�

THERAPIST: Is that a longer walk?

CLIENT: I mean, it�s somewhere between a five and eight minute walk from my house to the T. It�s like a two minute walk from my house to the bus stop. And then both of them get into central square, so it wouldn�t be�so from there it�s the same whether I walk it or take the one bus. Maybe if I just suck it up and take the T I could leave a little bit later. And I don�t have to get nice�I don�t even need to get coffee on my way there. I could just get the free coffee in the cafeteria, which isn�t bad. I guess it�s just whether or not I have caffeine for the commute itself. So I could just probably get up a little later. [00:42:09]

THERAPIST: These are things you can play with. Do some experimenting, figure out what works best for you. Sometimes having some flexibility in one route versus another is useful. And in the first couple of weeks at a place you can establish these rhythms. It sounds like there�s a little bit of game playing in some ways with the temp agency, figuring out what you need to do to appease them and then do a good job at your office.

CLIENT: Yeah, it�s just�I really wish they weren�t part of the picture. I�m thinking when it gets�

THERAPIST: They are how you got the job.

CLIENT: They are how I got the job, true. Though, most of the stuff with the temp agency they just place you, but I got the job on my own merit since I was interviewing and competing with other people. So I should have some gratefulness to that.

THERAPIST: Well, you�re stuck with them for six months. So figuring out how to best encapsulate them, and do what you need to do to make those conversations painless as possible. They�re short, they don�t get any control over your feelings except for the moments that you�re dialing, the minutes that your eon the phone with them, and then you put it away until the next week. And I think over the next couple weeks you�ll kind of figure out what you need to do to make that as small of a part of the work as possible. That�s one small little part of your job. There�s lots of other parts that are much better. [00:43:49]

Why don�t we stop there, because I want to take some time to kind of figure out scheduling with you. Now that you have a better idea. So I know that you mentioned the early Fridays. I don�t know if that means that this Friday afternoon might be a good time for while you�re at this job? Or sticking with the early morning? Or doing a later afternoon? What do you think?

CLIENT: I guess Friday�well�

THERAPIST: Well, next Friday is July fourth�

CLIENT: Fourth, yeah. And I�ll be�

THERAPIST: I know you�re going away that Thursday and Friday. So I could do, for next week I could do an 8:30 or 9:30 on Tuesday the first.

CLIENT: So Tuesdays are actually one of the days that I need to be in on time because we go to Tech Square in the morning.

THERAPIST: So Monday the 30th. I don�t have the early morning that particular Monday. [00:44:48]

CLIENT: I could probably do a mid-day and then always come back to work afterwards or something.

THERAPIST: I can do a 10:30 or an 11:30. 11:30 would sort of make an early lunch hour for you.

CLIENT: Do you think that keeping it every other week would be a really bad idea?

THERAPIST: Not necessarily.

CLIENT: Because that Monday slot is available every other week, right?

THERAPIST: Generally. Tuesday the�oh, Tuesday�s not the same for you. Monday July 7th, I can see I have a random�not a random person, but someone that usually doesn�t have that spot slipped into it for that week. But I can see if I can move that person somewhere else if the Monday, the 8:30, would work for you.

CLIENT: I could do a daytime one, that would be fine.

THERAPIST: Or that week I could also do the Friday the 11th.

CLIENT: Yeah, what time on Friday the 11th?

THERAPIST: I have a 2:30 or an 11:30.

CLIENT: Let�s do the 2:30, and then I can work until then. [00:46:13]

THERAPIST: So then the Monday early one I had, the next one would be the 14th and that probably feels a little soon to see me after seeing me on the 11th. So do you want to do the 2:30 on the 18th as well?

CLIENT: Yeah, we can do the 18th, too. So the 18th, also at 2:30?

THERAPIST: Yeah, so the 11th and 18th at 2:30. I could do Friday the 25th also at 2:30. I�m away the week of the 28th, so that would probably be good to meet on the 25th.

CLIENT: That would work.

THERAPIST: if that time becomes difficult as the weeks go on, we can rearrange and again I can try to slide you back into that Monday 8:30 spot if need be. [00:47:39]

So not meeting next week because of a holiday, and then next three Fridays. I will see you then.

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