TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: So (inaudible at 00:08) this weekend.

THERAPIST: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

CLIENT: Like, I feel like I left here I was just on Friday, like, in general just, like, feeling pretty good, blah blah blah. And then, like, I went out Friday night and Saturday night and, like, drank too much. So then both days I was, like, sleeping for hours. And, like, I don't know. It was just, like, crappy and, like, I don't know, maybe, like, hanging with Stephanie, who's also dealing with her breakup isn't a good idea because then we're just both like [sob fest] (ph), like, I don't even know. Like, not good.

And then on Saturday night we went out with our friend Mindy who's back from she's back for the holiday. And she's, like, club rat. She, like, loves going out to the clubs, like, never pays for anything, knows everybody at every club, so they have the tables with the bottles and whatever. Like, not, like, our scene, like, me and Stephanie or whatever. And, like, we went out. Actually, me, Stephanie, Mindy and Lucy, which is, like, our original little, like, group of friends from when we were (inaudible at 01:12).

So it was fine. Like, we were having fun. Like, no problem. Like, I wasn't really into the scene (inaudible at 01:20) and, like, lots of young girls. Like, lots of girls in general (inaudible at 01:29) 12 years old. So Mindy has been dating this, like whatever dating, I don't even know, like, for a while now. This, like, Dominican loser. Like, loser, like, has two kids, has, like, a case because of, like, his wife's calling the cops because he was hitting her. Like, mess. Awful. Disgusting. So I don't know why she still was talking to him after she left. We were all like, "Oh, thank God. Like, maybe this [will stop] (ph)." They, like, stay in hotels because she, like, lives at her home with her parents. Like, it's disgusting. It's bad. So she's, like, staying in a hotel with him while she's here because it's, like, halfway between here and anyway.

So I guess we were meeting up with him after and there was, like, no cabs where we were. So Mindy was like, "Oh, his friend will drive you and Stephanie to, like, where there's more cabs or whatever." So they end up being, like, "Oh, we're going to go and eat." I hate this place. Like, if you don't know what it is, it's like a big restaurant downtown and it's, like, big and gross and, like, it's one of the main places that people go after the clubs and whatever because it's open till, like, 4:00 or whatever. And, like, I really didn't (ph) like it. It's like feeding (inaudible at 02:49), like, gross, like, when people come. It's not, like, buffet or anything but it's just, like, gross. I don't know.

And so we got here and, like, I guess he's, like, meeting some other Dominican friends or I don't know. And there's these like so we sit at, like, one side of the table with, like, me Lucy left at 1:00 because she's, like, married. I don't know. She, like, goes to sleep at 9:00 pm. So it was just me, Mindy and Stephanie and then, like, the boyfriend or whatever and his, like, loser friend. We're, like, sitting at one end. At the other end is, like, some girls who were, like, so drunk and so annoying and, like, 19. I don't even know. Like, 12 years old to me. And Mindy's, like, getting mad at Ken because he's, like, sitting there, like, liking girls' photos on Instagram. And then the, like, friend gets involved. Like, "What's the matter with that? Like, it's the same thing as if, you know you girls, it's all about your insecurity because it's the same thing if, like, you got to your girlfriend and say, ‘Oh, that guy was so cute.'" And we're like, "How is that the same thing? I'm not telling the guy he's cute. And, like, what are you talking about?" [00:03:56]

And, like, of course this struck a chord with me, like, big time. So then I am like (inaudible at 04:02) I was, like, tired. I didn't want to be there. Like, I wasn't eating. It was gross. I wasn't like I had drank too much the night before. Not, like, I didn't get sick or anything like that. I just, like, felt crappy. So, like, I didn't drink that much on Saturday night but I was just, like, annoyed. It was, like, 4:00. Like, I'd had a couple drinks. Like, I was ready to go home. And so then I get all, like we're, like, yelling at the table, like, having a fight with this guy that's like, you know, completely [off his rocker] (ph). And we're like, "Yeah, you're saying like, of course." I'm like, "Really, like, I'm speaking from personal experience and, like, you can shut the hell up. And, like, yeah, of course you're going to say, like, it's about the girl's insecurities. That's what guys who cheat say. Like, coming from personal experience I know that this is what's going on."

And so, like, I'm telling Mindy in front of Ken and Ken's, like, trying to change and the subject and then, like, yelling at me and Stephanie. And we're like, "You really, like, can shut up, you know." And, like, Mindy's getting all upset. It was just, like and then the girls were, like, down at the other end, like, trying to hit on the boyfriend and, you know. And it was just ridiculous. And so then we're leaving and then, like, one of his friends was like actually, the only one that I didn't have any problem with. Like, he wasn't, like, drunk. He was, like, funny, like, making fun of the 12 year old girls at the other end of the table. The only one being nice. [00:05:16]

And he was, like, "Oh, I'm happy to drive you and Stephanie home." Stephanie was coming to sleep at my house. And Stephanie was like, "Well, I don't want to have anything to do with them." And I was like, "Well, you know, like, he's nice enough. He's not drunk. Like, this is quicker and cheaper than a cab. Like, please." And then Mindy we were like, "Well Mindy, just come with us and stay at my house." And she's like, fighting with Ken and they're, like, leaving together. And then Stephanie calls her. She's, like, in the car. She's like, "I'm not OK but I have to just go." And we're like OK, whatever. Like, she's all in her relationship.

But then me and Stephanie, like, get back to my house and we're just, like, sad and depressed because we're like, "This is, like, really what we're dealing with? Like, 4:00 in the morning, yelling at 25 year old Dominican men about liking photos." We're just, like, depressed because we were just, like, broken up and whatever. And then yesterday I, like, didn't do anything all day until, like, finally I cleaned my house a little bit. But, I don't know, I just woke up feeling shitty and, like, just tired and, like, annoyed because I miss Franklin (sp?) but, like, I'm so angry at him and there's just, like I want to call him but, like, for what, you know? I don't know. And, like, the cats were being really cute last night and I was like, "This is so cute. I wish I could, like, send a picture to Franklin (sp?) but, like, what's the point of that?" But, like, even if I do call him, like, what am I going to say? It's, like, selfish that I want to call him because, like, I just have been feeling sad and, like, that's not fair to either of us. [00:06:46]

Because, I don't know. I'm, like, sad but it's just, like, so maddening. When I think about everything it just makes me so mad [that I'm] (ph), like, frustrated and mad at him. I guess I'm just, like, feeling that (ph). (inaudible at 07:11) so, like, fine. Like, I just wanted to stay home. Like, I just wanted to stay at my house. I'm, like, really behind in my reading for my class. And I, like, yelled at my mom. (pause) I don't know. I don't really know how to do, like, a breakup. Or just, like, let myself be sad sometimes I guess. And then, like, how do I deal with, like, work? Like, I'm annoyed that I have to work and, like, be friendly when I really don't feel like being friendly to anybody.

And, like, I'm waiting for the moment where I'm going to, like, feel motivated to, like, I don't know, work out again or go back on Weight Watchers or whatever. But, like, I'm not it's not happening. Like, I just don't want to. And, like, this is, like, little but it just really made me upset this morning. Like, I needed to turn my mattress around because I turn it every few months so I don't, like and, like, it's a big king-sized mattress and I can't do it alone and now I have to ask somebody to come help me do it. And, like, that really upset me for some reason this morning when I thought about it because it was, like, what the fuck?

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 08:48)

CLIENT: Yeah. (pause) Right. I'm, like, now my roommate's boyfriend's going to be here for a week. Great. And, like, Thanksgiving is like, do I call him and say happy Thanksgiving? And is that what people do? I don't even know. I feel like it'll just, like, be rubbing salt in his wound or my own. (pause) And then his brother's girlfriend, the girl that's, like, giving me some advice, Naomi, like, texted me like, "Hey girl. Want to hang out sometime?" Like, no. Why would I want to hang out with you and, like, see pictures of your kids that look exactly like Franklin (sp?)? Like, no, thanks, I'm all set. And I don't even like you. I don't even know what you're talking about. Why would you want to hang out with me? It's nice. I mean, I wouldn't say that to her obviously. Like, it's nice, it's fine. But, like, no. (laughter) I don't want to hang out with her really. What are we going to talk about? We don't have anything in common at all except for the fact that we were both dating one of those brothers and now we're not. [00:10:11]

He has mail at me. Like, what am I supposed to do, like, drop it off? I don't even, like, know his address to send it to him. And I'm like, did he change his address yet? I'm not (sighs) I'm just feeling frustrated at this whole situation right now.

THERAPIST: I would imagine that (pause) you're (pause) irritated (pause) about how upset you still are.

CLIENT: Yeah. I don't know if it's even irritated. Just, like, I don't really know how to, like, deal with it.

THERAPIST: Well, you sound pretty irritated about the things that you remind you of it.

CLIENT: Well, yeah. [00:11:15]

THERAPIST: You know, like, the guy at (ph) the other night, the girls at the end of the table who were like the girl Franklin (sp?) would look at on Facebook. (pause) And then you go to work (inaudible at 11:40) sort of invitation from Naomi (ph). (pause) I guess my impression is you're irritated by the way those things kind of poke at (pause), you know, how you're feeling hurt and upset and lonely.

CLIENT: And also I guess it's, like, another part is, like, no matter how much I'm, like, distracting myself and trying to keep busy or trying to (inaudible at 12:27) it's just I do things that are different or just distract myself. Like, there's always going to be things that, like, I don't know, just remind me or, like, just make it, like, make me have to deal with it more than just, like, going out and getting drunk and club. Like the mattress and like the cute text.

Oh, and the other thing that I got all upset about was, like, when my, like when the girls came over to, like, get ready on Saturday night we were just, like, hanging out on my bed and, like, the cats jumped up on top of where two of them are and they're not used to cats. And they, like, were like, "Oh my god, oh my god," and, like, jumped up and were like and I was like, "Just relax. They're just coming to say hi." [They were like] (ph), "Yeah, but, like, people that don't have cats and stuff, like, aren't used to an animal (ph)." And I was like, oh shit. Like, I need a man (inaudible at 13:22) be OK with, like, cats jumping all over him, like, in our bed and couch and all over and like them and be nice to them. Not everybody does. And, like, that sucks.

Stephanie was like pushed they liked to come in the bed and just, like, jump up and, like, lay down with whoever's there, whatever, and say hi. And, like, Stephanie when flipped over she's, like, pushing them away. Like, ugh, every time they came near. And, like, it just made me sad, like, that maybe a guy would have that reaction (pause) and not like my cats or, like, not be nice to them or (pause) not be OK with them, like, sleeping in the room or I don't know what. And I don't want that. Like, I know it's because they were Franklin's (sp?) cats too but, like, he liked them. He liked that. [00:14:25]

I'm, like, seriously, I have to call, like, somebody over that's strong every time I want to fucking move the mattress? My brother won't (ph) come over and do it because he's a fucking shithead. It's, like, awkward. Like, can you touch (ph) my mattress? Like, it's awkward. And sure, I could, like, switch sides of the bed instead but I don't want to do that because I sleep on the side (inaudible at 15:08) so I like to turn my mattress.

THERAPIST: [That sounds lonely] (ph), like you miss him.

CLIENT: That's, like, the annoying part. Like, I miss him but, like, I don't because I'm so pissed at him. (pause) I miss him but, like, I'm so angry at him that I don't and well, I don't want to be dealing with his shit so it doesn't I don't miss his bullshit. (sniffles) But, like, now I'm used to it. I'm used to having him there. I'm used to having somebody there. it's, like, now I don't have it anymore and it, like, sucks to get used to something like that and then (sobbing) get unused to it. [00:16:17]

(silence)

CLIENT: I'm, like, yeah it's that, like, me and Stephanie, like, have each other to talk to and stuff right now but at the same time it's kind of hard because, like, I'm trying to deal with my own stuff and she's trying to deal with her own stuff so, like and then when we get together we're both just, like, sad about it, like, with the same stuff but different and whatever.

(silence)

CLIENT: And, like, I don't know. Like, I literally am naïve (ph) in, like, I don't even know, like, if I'm going to be happy or sad from one second to the next. Like, I don't and then I feel bad if I'm, like, sad. But then I'm, like, not able to change my mood and then feel frustrated at myself that I can't change my mood. And, like, I think for some people it's hard to think about the bad. Like, when you're missing somebody you sometimes concentrate on, like, "Oh, he was so nice and this and the cats and whatever." But, like, while that's happening a little bit at the same time I am focusing on the bad and, like, I am thinking about, like, all the bullshit a lot and getting, like, reangry. [00:18:22]

THERAPIST: It sounds like you're feeling a lot of it.

CLIENT: (sighs)

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 18:28)

CLIENT: I just, like, want to be, like, pick up and be over it.

(silence)

CLIENT: And, like, my mom, I know she's just trying to be nice and stuff but, like, for some reason I'm just she's just irritating me. Everything she asks me or says to me is irritating me so I'm, like, worried about Thanksgiving, if I'm going to be, like, depressed and, like, snippy, especially because I've been trying to hold it together at work and to a certain extent with friends or whatever. I don't really lash (ph) out on my family. But I don't know how I'm going to be feeling on Thanksgiving either, you know. [00:19:32]

THERAPIST: You break up with him on Wednesday?

CLIENT: No, it's two weeks tomorrow.

THERAPIST: OK, still. So we're 13 days out here and you guys were together for two and a half years?

CLIENT: Three years.

THERAPIST: Three years. You've been with your boyfriend three years, with whom you lived for, like, a while.

CLIENT: Like, three years.

THERAPIST: Three years, less than two weeks ago. They may have to put up with you being cranky and upset at Thanksgiving.

CLIENT: Yeah, I think they will. Especially because the past two years I haven't stayed there the whole day with them and today, I mean, this year is the first evening (ph) I will. (sighs) I mean, they understand, whatever, but my mom, like, still gets all upset at me and, like, yells at me like, "I didn't do anything. Don't talk to me like that. You can't treat me like that."

THERAPIST: Wow. [00:20:38]

CLIENT: Yeah, like, she said that to me yesterday. And then, like, my phone died, which was good. And then she, like, texted me like, "What happened? I called you back several times." And then I called her back. I was like, "Oh my phone died and then I cleaned my house." She was like, "Oh, OK. Like, talk to you later." Like, it was fine. But I got annoyed at her. Yeah, I snapped at her for something stupid but, yes, it's annoying that you're telling me not to snap at you right now. Like, don't really? So, like, OK, sorry. Like, thanks for giving me something else to feel bad about.

Like, my dad normally probably would have, like, kind of been irritated that I asked if he wanted to have dinner or Sunday but, like, didn't pick up my phone all weekend. Like, ordinarily he'd be like, "Trina (sp?), what the hell?" Like, he didn't even leave me any voice-mails or anything when he called. He called once, I didn't answer and he left it at that. Like, even he understands. And she just, like, "You can't talk to me like that. Who do you think that you're talking to?" Like, you, obviously. I wouldn't talk to other people like that. (laughter) [00:21:54]

At least Mindy, my irritating former assistant, is gone for a week. So that's great. I don't have to deal with her fucking bubbly ass. She always comes in with her, like, bright pink skirts like, "Good morning. Look at my new necklace." [I want to go] (ph) and fucking smack her. I don't know. Like, I just have so much work to do, like, at work and, like, I have to deal with people to do the work and I don't want to deal with people. One in particular who, like, knows the situation because he used to be my former supervisor. So, like, whatever. I'm close with him. I talk to him about this stuff. But he's, like, really gay and really OCD in, like, a really irritating way about, like, stuff that he's managing. So on Friday we met about...

THERAPIST: What is his first name?

CLIENT: Theodore. (sighs) Friday we met about this big event that's coming up next week. And we, like they wanted to get the video recorded on Web stream and so I'm, like, meeting (ph) to figure this out. And Theodore's asking me what the updates are and I'm explaining them to him and he's, like, looking me in my face, like, is asking me to explain that a thousand times in a thousand ways. And I'm looking at him like, "Are you fucking kidding me right now? Are you really, like, serious about testing my patience?" And he wasn't doing it, like, on purpose. He just wasn't paying attention besides, like, his need to, like, figure out exactly what I'm saying because he can't understand and he doesn't like the answer that they people gave me. I was like, "Theodore, what do you want me to do? I'm explaining to you the situation. I can't magically snap my fingers and get the fucking answer from people." And he was like, "I'm not annoyed at you. I don't like the answer they" and I'm like, "OK, but I'll check back on Monday. I don't know what to tell you. Like, I e-mailed them again today. "Well, did you ask her specifically?" "No, I told you what I just asked her and was waiting for an answer back. I will ask something else more specifically if I don't get the answer I need." [00:23:59]

THERAPIST: Maybe you're annoyed with many of us, maybe including me as well.

CLIENT: Why?

THERAPIST: Because, like, (pause) I mean, in my case, (pause) I don't know. I was, like, waving my arms and fussing for a while about you sort of being (inaudible at 24:23), having trouble seeing things or ending things with Franklin (sp?). Now you did and now you feel like shit. And, you know, I'm not saying, clearly, people are trying to do this to you but a lot of people are bugging the shit out of you. Pretty much most people, I think.

CLIENT: Pretty much everybody. Stephanie told me not to yell at strangers either. She's like, "Just don't take it out on the strangers." [I was yelling at] (ph) strangers. Yeah, everybody is bugging me. Like, you, not so much. I understand what you're saying...

THERAPIST: Yeah, but it's not so much.

CLIENT: Like, why, you know, whatever link there. Fine, like, I see that and I know that's whatever. But everything is annoying me. Every possible thing. My roommate walking around barefoot the other day annoyed me. Like, it's fucking freezing in this house. Get some got damn slippers. Like, you fucking hippie. Put some slippers on. Like, that annoyed me. Everything.

THERAPIST: Because she was cold?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: It made you feel cold?

CLIENT: It's cold, yeah. And she complained about being cold.

THERAPIST: Oh, OK. [00:25:42]

CLIENT: Right. She was like, "Yeah, I was a little cold. Like, all right. Put some socks on."

THERAPIST: So sorry. It annoyed you that she was being in a way like a hypocrite, cold and not putting slippers on, and also just that she was cold in the first place?

CLIENT: No, just that she wouldn't have slippers. Like, who doesn't have slippers?

THERAPIST: [What the fuck] (ph)?

CLIENT: Right. Like, there's no carpet. Who doesn't wear slippers in the world? That was my annoyance. Like, everybody has slippers. Put slippers. I don't know. Maybe that's (inaudible at 26:21) but that's what I'm saying. Like, it's irrational and it annoys the shit out of me. Franklin's (sp?) shit in the office is annoying me. Like, great, now I have to look at fucking suitcases for god knows how long because you couldn't borrow my car or get a ride. And (inaudible at 26:39) because I broke up with you. Oh my god. And his mail. That's annoying.

THERAPIST: Everything [about Franklin (sp?)] (ph) pretty much, one way or another?

CLIENT: Yeah. Yeah, in one way or another, yeah.

THERAPIST: And it's the ways that it's reminding of you of Franklin (sp?) that are bugging the shit out of you?

CLIENT: Yes. Like, the mattress thing has really, like, got me, like, going. Like, it's now like a thing. It's not just, like, "Oh, I have to turn my mattress." It's like an event. I don't even know who I'm going to call. Honestly, who am I going to call to come help me move my mattress? My roommate gets weird and she's weak and, like, wouldn't understand how to do it because there's, you know, what's it called? Bed skirt. It'll get all messed up if you don't do it right and she's not going to pay attention. I don't feel like yelling at her or explaining it. Essentially I need somebody I can yell at while they're doing it. Ideally, my lazy fucking brother who does nothing besides, like, wallow in his own... [00:27:56]

THERAPIST: I think it's clear who the ideal person is [to you] (ph).

CLIENT: It's not. My brother?

THERAPIST: Franklin (sp?).

CLIENT: Yeah, it would be, of course. But I'm not going to call him to move my...

THERAPIST: I know, but I guess that's (inaudible at 28:07) the point.

CLIENT: That is the point. It is Franklin (sp?). and that's something that is, like, a two second activity, like, this morning and my bed would be ready to go. Right, that is the point.

THERAPIST: So in that sense, like, he's pissing you off again?

CLIENT: Right. If you hadn't fucked up and fucked everything up. Right, exactly.

THERAPIST: And he'd be around to turn your fucking mattress.

CLIENT: Yes, and do everything else, right. Yes, exactly. And then I start thinking about it and I start thinking like, "God, I can't believe I was, like, giving this whole thing another fucking chance after all the bullshit and all this stuff. And then he's talking to Betty." I was really, like, gung-ho, like, I'm going to move forward with this. I'm going to do it. And then he really took that for granted. Took advantage of it. So then I think about that and get all annoyed about everything. [00:29:19]

I, like, don't even want to and then, like, every show reminds me of him and, like, all the commercials. Like, everything. Like, the fact that there's a screen (ph) on the wall in the workout room that I don't want there. (inaudible at 29:37) (sighs)

THERAPIST: Franklin, Franklin, Franklin (sp?).

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: And (pause), like, annoyance, annoyance, annoyance.

CLIENT: Right. I'm trying to do well on this class but, like, I'm really not feeling so, like, dedicated to it right now, naturally. (pause) And then, like, I feel like, oh, I want to, like, sleep for 15 hours but then I feel like shit if I sleep for 15 hours. And, like, I know it would feel good to, like, workout or do something but I don't even want to do my Zumba DVD because, like, he gave it to me. And, like, it sucks. I'm, like, connecting everything. I don't want to stretch because he stretches, like, a lot.

THERAPIST: That fucker's even keeping you from doing the things that would make you feel better.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 31:20)

(silence)

CLIENT: And then, like, my own questions about how to handle this situation, like, in terms of just, like, going cold turkey, like, never talking again. Like, really? Or, like, how to handle that we do need to because I need to say, "You have mail at my house," or whatever I need to say. Or eventually set up to get his stuff picked up. So do I be nice and, like, say happy Thanksgiving and stuff or, like, say hi? Like, it's been two weeks. Happy breakup anniversary? (pause) Because the responses that he has given me when I have tried to say anything have just been, like, so cold and, like, shut off that it's like, well, I don't really clearly he doesn't want me to say anything to him. So why would I, you know? [00:32:23]

Like, he's so, like, Facebook. Like, really? Block all, like, me, all of my friends and defriend, like and he was like, "Who cares about Facebook?" He cares about Facebook. Like, he's in love with Facebook. He's liking tattoo girl pages. Like, who like, I don't understand that. I don't understand that. I don't understand it. I'm not liking, like I don't know, whatever pages about guys. I mean, I guess I'm not a guy so guys I don't know. (pause) And it makes me feel like you blocked me and all my friends so that you could, like, be I don't even know. Like, with girls, like I'm sure I could bet the farm that he's deleted every single picture of us from his Facebook already, which is, like, a lot of pictures. And really dumb, because people still know that we were together. Like, who cares? I don't understand but I'm sure he did. Like, I really could see that happening. I mean, I didn't. Like, there's still pictures all over. Like, who cares? I don't care. Even if I start dating another guy. Like, yeah, that's my ex-boyfriend. That's not weird at all. But I have no way of finding out if he did or not because he's literally, like, blocked me out from his life unless I ask somebody that's friend with him to, like, tell me, which I'm not, obviously, going to do. [00:34:11]

(silence)

CLIENT: Like, maybe I'm even a little annoyed that, like, the girlfriends that I, like, know and hung out with and whatever for the past three years haven't said anything to me. Like, I think they could have. I think at least his crew leader's girlfriend could have easily said something to me. She fucking pet sits my cat. She could have just been like, "Hey, Franklin (sp?) told me" unless he hasn't told people still. I don't really know, whatever. Which would be insane because it's, like, obvious. But I guess if he's not saying anything maybe he doesn't want to talk about it and people don't think, but I don't know. That even annoys me. And, like, his family, that nobody in his family has said anything to me. Because in their heads it's probably like, "Oh, she broke up with him. She should say something to us." I mean, who cares. I don't really care. I don't like them, but... [00:35:16]

Well, maybe it's helpful to say all this stuff that annoys me out loud at least and then maybe it will be less annoying at work, hopefully. It's just, like, every day that I've been going into work. I'm just going to throw myself into all this stuff that I have to do, you know, and it's going to make the day go faster or whatever. But then it doesn't and I don't or (inaudible at 35:41) doesn't or both. I don't even know. And then (inaudible at 35:45) and I'm just annoyed. I'm like e-mailing Stephanie back and forth all day, like, complaining about how pathetic our lives are or feel like they are.

It's hard to do work. Like, it's hard to, like, concentrate on doing stuff. Like, even stuff that doesn't remotely me remind me of him. It's just (sighs) hard to get motivated. And then I get home and it's like, "Oh, I'm going to read 500 pages for class." And instead I'm, like, going to put on pajamas (laughter) and, like, order another pizza or something.

I don't know. I think what annoys me that my mom said was something like (pause) I don't know. Like, I asked her, like, what she thought I should eat for dinner. I was like, "What should I have for dinner?" And she's like, "Are you going to order in?" And, like, it literally set me off. I was like, "Of course I'm going to fucking order in. What the fuck do you think? I don't have any got damn groceries. I don't cook. I don't do anything. I'm depressed in my bed." Like, that is what set me of. Of course I'm ordering in. Like, what do you think? Like, why wouldn't (ph) you know that, you know? Yeah, it was obnoxious and I did apologize. But then it was annoying when she was, l, not just like, "All right, call me back when you're feeling better," and instead had to like... [00:37:08]

But it was like, "Of course I'm ordering in." I was, like, annoyed that she would ask that, which is, like, irrational. But I somehow thought that she should, like, obviously know that I'm not cooking anything in these times. Why would she? I mean, she cooks when she's sad so for her, like, that would be natural. (pause) And I have an oil leak in my car, so that's and the people were like, "No, we didn't see any leak. But it's just an old car so you just need to change it every 1000 miles."

THERAPIST: I wonder too if (pause) one of the advantages of being with Franklin (sp?) was that you could be annoyed at him a lot.

CLIENT: Yeah. He didn't like it, but he tolerated it. That's true. And not (ph), like, I can't with my mom or, like, work or something.

THERAPIST: Well, I'm thinking [you know how] (ph) to take care of you, I think. I'm not saying he always did (inaudible at 38:38)

CLIENT: Right. But he did, yeah.

THERAPIST: And she doesn't, at least not in the same way. And people at work don't. And nobody probably does.

CLIENT: Like, I don't even know how.

THERAPIST: [So you're being] (ph) annoyed at them (ph) for that, annoyed at him for not being there. (pause) (inaudible at 39:15) ordered in.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 39:19) to tell you where to order from, probably.

CLIENT: I just want to get through this week and, like, have a long weekend. (sighs) I'm looking forward to the reunion on Friday and, you know, stuff. Like, that'll be good. But I'm really not it's these two and a half days of work that I have that are just, like, killing me. I'm just, like, so tired of people it's just, like, people asking me for stuff. Everybody wants everything and, like, that's my job but, like, I can't handle it right now, if they don't stop asking me for shit, everybody. I'm not giving anybody anything. Like, "Oh, can we put a rush on finding out on this base (ph) for a rent (ph) in April?" Like, no, we can't put a rush on that. Sorry, it's in April. But, I mean, obviously I will but it's just, like, annoying that I'm being asked to. I don't know. [00:40:43]

This is helpful to say (inaudible at 40:45) and to think about it differently. I wasn't really thinking about it, like, in the sense of, like, Franklin (sp?) not being here and all this stuff. It's a little less annoying now that I am kind of putting it in that framework, I guess. And my project for the day is finding somebody to come over and help move my mattress. I'm hoping my friend will. She lives down the street, so that will be convenient. Like, I don't want to ask a guy because it's weird.

(silence)

CLIENT: Stephanie even sent me a message last night that she was, like, "You know you're pathetic when at 9:45 on a Sunday you're looking up on Wiki How how to deal with a breakup." (laughter) I was like, "I looked that same thing up." (laughter) That's what you do. Like, I don't know, maybe Google will know. (pause) Meanwhile, as much as I want to move because, of course, the whole apartment reminds me of him and the whole neighborhood and everything, that would be, like, the least prudent thing that I could do in my life right now. Like, it's not going to happen and so, like, that's another thing I need to just, like, come to terms with.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 42:41] to all this stuff is, like, that you hurt and that you miss him and you feel very much on your own.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: And it seems to me that's incredibly painful.

CLIENT: And it's something I haven't really felt before, so it's hard to figure it out. (sighs)

(silence)

CLIENT: I will say, like, I was like, "Oh, if I could just have a vacation and, like, I could just feel better." But at the same time, I mean, the fact that, like, I can't and, like, that's not a possibility right now is probably for the best because I'm, like, having to deal with this all. And, like, if I went away or did something, like, it would just all be here...

THERAPIST: When you get back?

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: We need to stop for now. So we're on next Friday next week but...

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 44:35) would it be best just to wait for that?

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