TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

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CLIENT: I don't remember what it is I was complaining about last week. My brother got a job apparently doing a dog walking business so that's good if he can keep it. I'm like pessimistic because of his history but I mean if he can keep it that would be good, you know? And we did Hanukkah on Sunday which was fine and nice. My mom gave me this scarf she made for me which was nice and my stepmom gave me a nice set of bowls, ceramic but from a ceramic shop, cute little nesting bowls and I think it was like a housewarming kind of which was really nice. And then when I was taking it out yesterday I chipped one of them and I'm really pissed and I have a little piece that I think I can superglue it, but I was like -

THERAPIST: Kind of a drag.

CLIENT: Yeah. It was like I was doing it too fast. Anyway, and so I probably about the whole finance issues I was having and I was going to go ahead and take a loan from my retirement and pay off all the cards and blah, blah, blah, but I can only take I thought I could only take half of what I have which would I have like almost $24,000 so I thought maybe it would be about 11,000 something which would be worth it, but I can only take it out of what I contributed, not what was matched which is only like $17,000 so I'd only be getting 7500 so I don't know if it would be worth it. I don't know if it would be worth it. so, I'm not sure I'm going to do that. Then my father when I told him that was like, ‘well we need to look at the budget,' and I was like, ‘well, I lowered some of my credit card payments because honestly like I can't live if I don't. So they're still over the minimums but a little less for now until I can figure out a better system and he was like, ‘well, you need to lower your expenses.' And that's when I hung up on him.

THERAPIST: (Laughs)

CLIENT: Because this is literally what I was talking to you about in the e-mails I was explaining to you why I'm putting these numbers and hoping I'll spend less but don't want to and his solution is to lower expenses. I was like, ‘man, I don't think I want to talk to you about it any more. I think I just need to keep doing what I'm doing and try and get them a little bit less, but also just maybe my friend who manages a group of financial advisor for one of those companies, he was the one that was like, ‘I think that you should get the loan, you can get up to half, but I think I'm going to talk to him like a little bit more in detail because honestly that's probably a better bet because he actually knows what he's talking about and can kind of advise a little bit better than my father who prints out articles about low interest credit cards and transferring balances and I was like, ‘well, Dad,' and he was like, ‘well, look at this one and you know you can do this one,' and I was like, ‘well, that's good and that's helpful, Dad, but if I get approved for it, I might not because I have all this other credit. You don't understand;' He doesn't understand. I don't get it, I would still have to get approved and they might not transfer my balance or they might do it at a higher rate than is listed here because of my other credit debt and it's not like this is the lower interest rate, let's just transfer it here. Like it doesn't work like that. I don't think he really gets that.' I mean, yeah, I'll look into the one he showed me because it's a lower interest rate, but I don't know that I would necessarily get approved for it. In the meantime I'm buying some Christmas presents and stuff, like I'm not spending too much money but I have to put it on a card because I don't have any money. But I think it will, I don't know, I don't I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and wait until after the holidays are over and then, hopefully spending will be minimal for a while and then speaking of spending I realize that I would really like to get a new comforter because I don't want to have a quilt I have a king size bed and we got a quilt, like I got a quilt but thinner kind of. When we got it it was like the end of, towards the end of summer so we didn't need anything big, but we just needed something that fit it and then I've been putting I have my down comforter that my mom got me for Christmas last year or the year before which is for a full size bed, so I've been using that but it doesn't really fit on the bed, doesn't look that great and so I kind of like realized I wanted to get a new comforter and I was like talking to Steph about it who was like, ‘well, you know if it were me I'd rather spend the money on going on than something like that.' She's like, ‘you spend a lot more time in your room and also because it's like your apartment whereas I live with my parents, it's like my room at my parent's house.' Kind of different, you know?

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: So, I think I am going to do that because I think it will feel good and get a light fixture for my room because I don't really use proper lights, like I usually use like lamps, but the one light fixture that sometimes I need for more light and the it's not a fixture, it's like the most disgusting, ugliest piece of shit I've ever seen, I don't even it's probably been there for 40 years and like there's nothing covering the bulbs and it's gross to look at and so I want to also find a light fixture. So, those are two things I think I'd like to spend money on for myself and the way that I look at it is, ‘well, I was going to charge a vacation, and I'm not doing all the car repairs now, so I may as well buy a new comforter. I mean I think that it's one of those things that will kind of make me feel like the room's refreshed a little bit and a little bit more put together and think it's worth it for me. But I'm not going to tell my parents I did that because they'll just say, ‘well, I don't think you need it right now.' My mom for Christmas wants to get me a rug for my living room which is really nice because I don't have one and that'll also help refresh the space. And, oh, and so, I had a little bit of a hard weekend. Sunday night after Hanukkah I was feeling really lonely and sad, ended up texting [Franklin] (ph) no I didn't, I was just sad, I was crying and lonely. You know it's nice that my roommate's gone but then I just think I started to feel well it was just real empty and whatever. And then Monday night my mom and my brother came over to help me decorate my little fake tree and that was nice and we ordered pizza and it was nice to do that. I'm glad that I did it because I like the tree and the lights and everything, but then after they left I felt really sad and lonely again. And nobody was answering my texts. I ended up texting Franklin that I missed him and then of course apologized a hundred times, I was like, ‘oh, I know it's not fair, I shouldn't be saying this,' blah, blah, blah, and then he said that he was, ‘fine,' he had a really hard day without me and he's glad to know that I was thinking of him, too, because he was really missing me and then I sent him a picture of the cats and I was just really upset and told him that I wished things had worked out differently and he said, ‘me, too,' and so I was little bit like, I probably shouldn't have texted him, like it didn't really make me feel much better or worse and then all of a sudden I was like, ‘wait, I'm apologizing for texting you that I miss you but I just cleaned out all your shit and you haven't apologized to me for that and so it's just kind of the same, more of the same, like very typical the way that I approach him about things, like always apologizing, thinking I'm doing wrong and whatever. I had texted Steph that night and then she texted me back, like, ‘oh, sorry, sleeping.' But I didn't say anything and I was texting like, ‘oh, I'm so sad,' blah, blah, blah and then like she has been fucking her ex-boyfriend, she's been texting him or he texted her or something and then it was through, like yesterday or whatever they were texting so she'd been like asking me for advice all week and telling me how upsetting it was and whatever I was trying to give her advice and I think it's also good for me even if I'm feeling bad to like step away from that and be able to help somebody else and that feels good to say that the feeling is mutual. But she really didn't acknowledge anything I said to her about how I was feeling all week and really couldn't get out of her own bubble of whatever she was going through and even to the point that on Wednesday night I was trying to study for this exam that I had yesterday and I was having a really hard time. I was feeling sad because the last exam that I studied for on religion, [Franklin] (ph) had helped me with before me moved out and he was always really good about helping me and it was like I was bad and I'll never find anybody who can deal with my temper tantrums and someone to help me with homework and I'm just sad and he was good at helping me and I don't know how to study for this and I was really frustrated over all this stuff and the only thing she said about that was, ‘he won't cheat on you, or make you feel bad or not (inaudible) at [00:09:33] or have a crazy family. That's all she said and then continued in her thing about how, ‘I don't know because he is saying why am I so eager to find a,' and I was like, ‘Steph, I can give you advice,' but then I started like giving her answers like it's kind of dumb. Obviously that's what's going to happen if you're going to continue talking to him, like you were going to get back into the circle of why you broke up and if you should have broken up and who broke it off and who said it was a good idea and who didn't want to do it.' You know, I was just kind of like, ‘you need to just stop talking to him or just like if you want this then this is how you want to abuse him then just freaking talk to him all the time and give him what a you have a (inaudible) at [00:10:10] and I was like, ‘it's hard for you and me to talk about I've been feeling like shit and so I really don't know what to say and that was a cue for her to be like, ‘I'm sorry.' But she just kept going and like, ‘I'm dying, I don't know what to do. I want to die. I want to die. Fuck the life.' I was like, ‘are you kidding me? So, I was pissed and then I was like I don't want to see her for a couple of days but then my dad suggested that that was childish and that not worth it for me to just whatever, okay, that's how she was acting and that's how she was acting, but I feel like if I say anything to her about it she'll like, just knowing her personality because I know her so well, it's going to be like, well, then how many times have I been there for you and I just blah, blah, blah.' So, it's like not worth it. It's kind of like a stupid thing to bring up but it did make me upset because it just felt like she was just being really self-involved and not really giving my thoughts or feelings any attention, whereas I was really giving her all of my attention. So, I'm feeling better now. The exam's over. I took it yesterday. I think it went okay. I didn't really end up studying for it, but it was six word identification and then two essays and he had said on it well first he wrote that short, concise answers will earn more credit than like longer arguments and he was like, ‘15 minutes for reading the questions and reviewing your work and then like 35 minutes per second. Well, I was done in 45 minutes because it just doesn't take that long and the questions I think like I had to bullshit some of it, but I think it was a pretty concise little essay about what the question was asking. I mean essays on an exam aren't like an essay, like it's not I'm writing just what the question is asking and you know when I handed it in I said to the professor, ‘you know I really enjoyed the class, I'm sorry I had rough end of the semester and wasn't there,' and he's a very nice guy and of course we weren't going to have a long drawn out conversation or anything, but he was just kind of like, ‘it was really great having you for two classes in a row' like ‘cause I took the summer course with him, too at first I was like, ‘I was there for more than two classes in a row, but okay' ‘and I wish you the best of luck and everything.' It was just very nice.

THERAPIST: Good.

CLIENT: So I mean I think I'll probably get a degree in the class. I really can't see that exam earning lower than maybe a C just because I answered the questions and I don't think that they were wrong and then with like an A minus and an A and then a B plus, B minus and then good class participation I think that I should be like at a B for the semester. So, despite everything and not doing any work I might come out with a good grade.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Which I think speaks to my the work that I did put in for that class.

THERAPIST: But also -

CLIENT: Well, I guess I mean I honestly, it's like encouraging, because it's kind of like, wow I can not go to half of this class and still do pretty well or like write up one of the papers I wrote in three hours and it makes me feel good about my skills and I don't know, just like being kind of smart, I guess. [00:13:36]

THERAPIST: Yeah, also being kind of independent and self reliant in a way, which it sounds like you're not feeling in other areas in your life, like the money stuff, [Franklin] (ph), with your parents.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: I imagine a little bit with me it has something to do with you're talking again, like kind of waiting for me to chime in and sort of shore you up a little bit, you know, like assure you, tell you what you need to be thinking about, what's okay and what's not okay, like there's some sense of not quite being able to be on top of it yourself.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And, I wonder about that.

CLIENT: It's weird. I am self-reliant though in a lot of ways but it's true, I don't sometimes feel it. I need approval or opinions and thoughts and input I do everything myself when it comes to the actual execution, right. But, I don't know, this whole experience like trying to get help with the budgeting and stuff like that with my parents and trying to have it all a little bit more connected and then having to make the decision, like well, I'm going to be more realistic about my budget. I'm going to lower my credit card payments because I can't afford to pay as much as I want to pay as I much as I want to pay on them right now. And I'm going to put a realistic number together for how much I want to spend on going out and whatever, and I kind of feel a relief. I think I feel a huge sense of relief overall right now since the class is over and the semester is over and I'm now off work for three weeks like officially so there's a big sense of relief coming from all of that stuff but I think also just kind of making the decision like okay you guys are not really offering anything that I can work with here in terms of advice so I'm just going to take it my hands and that feels good.

THERAPIST: Yeah, my theory last week which I said was that going to them in the way you did was sort of in part to show you're being responsible and in part to (inaudible) at [00:16:09] but that does not have to fill like you're [in your own burdens] (ph).

CLIENT: Right. But I just think it's better to be on my own with that because if they can't really offer too, too much which is fine. (Sigh). I don't know, I mean I put together a list of some New Year resolutions which include stop smoking cigarettes which I really want to do and I'm really just going to try to cold turkey like New Year's Day, like just stop altogether and I want to not smoke as much weed so that I'll honestly I rather concentrate on quitting cigarettes from like smoking less weed because I'm not if I'm like walking to the subway or driving to work I'm not smoking a joint, I'm smoking a cigarette so I'd rather concentrate on the tobacco side of it first and then kind of figure out what's going on. I mean pot smoking isn't a hindrance in my life and I just see the cigarettes as a bigger expense and a bigger health issue and well being issue and would feel better working out and everything so that's number one on the list. Other things like things that I would be doing anyway, like getting a workout routine and buying groceries and cooking meals for myself and waking up on time when I want to wake up and giving myself more time in the morning to get to work. And I'm not going to take a class in the spring semester which I wavered a little bit, like, ‘oh, maybe I should,' you know because it's going to take longer, but I think I should be able to not take a class to do stuff on my own, so with that I want to read more on my own and lots of little things I feel like putting down as like a New Year's goal, like resolution, is a good way to give them more importance I guess. And so I'm looking forward to that, I mean, I could certainly start some of it like trying to work out routinely in putting together stuff for myself, but I am a little bit nervous like if I'm going to be able to do everything (Yawns) I don't know.

(Pause): [00:18:59 00:19:04]

CLIENT: I'm anxious about New Year's and if I'm going to be fine or be depressed or I don't have any plans yet and for the past few years we never really made plans, we just kind of like waited to see what was happening, like last year we ended up just me and him and another friend just hanging out at our house which was fine and I'm fine with that. I don't enjoy big, huge crowds and big, expensive, like $50 to get in and a glass of champagne, and have to pay at the bar still and it's just crowded, and like too, hyped, like everybody's like it's such a big thing and it's just like a night. And Steph said that she's seeing if her client who owns a couple of clubs can get us in, get us a table for free or super discounted or something in which case that would be fine but I don't know how I'm going to feel like seeing all the people happy and celebrating and I don't know, I'm just not and then feeling sad or missing [Franklin] (ph) or seeing people kiss at midnight or whatever. So I'm a little anxious, like having anxiety about that right now. I don't want to plan anything, but I don't know, what if I don't like or she also said her other client's son who I knew [inaudible] at [00:20:30] a few times when we were in high school who he I guess invited her and I to like he has a table at, or whatever that restaurant is, her dad is like the lawyer for the Russian mob.

THERAPIST: Steph's dad's client?

CLIENT: Yeah, client. Anyway, so he has a table at the restaurant that they probably own or who knows to like launder money in (laughs) I'm not sure. But I like, would I have fun? I don't know. Like, maybe I'm putting too much weigh on it but I'm just nervous about feeling sad I guess. I don't want to go out and be like mopy and I wonder about that I guess that's what it is. Like wondering what [Franklin's] (ph) doing or yeah, that's pretty (inaudible) at [00:21:35] Yeah, I mean I think that Christmas is like Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas are a little bit easier because I'm with my family, I'm doing the same thing that I always have done even though he's been there the past few years like this is what I do. But, like New Year's is always different every single year and then like the last three years with him and now without him, it is hard. I mean I'm thinking that once I get through New Year's it will be, I'm going to feel like good, okay got through the holidays, like you're done. I mean my birthday's coming up but once my birthday is finally over I'll figure out how to have fun regardless. I just don't want to feel like sad how many years or anything.

(Pause): [00:22:10 00:22:23]

CLIENT: Meanwhile, the world didn't end but there's this rain, maybe it's flooding, like actually it happened. I don't know, I don't think it's I hope not because I'm on vacation. But anyway.

THERAPIST: The world's going to end because you're (inaudible) at [00:22:42]

CLIENT: Yeah. After. (Sigh). And then it's like I want to go out to a bar tonight and go to a place where people talk and like I know there's a place, like why would I I don't know where that is, Steph. Like, pick a bar, any bar? Like I don't know. And I guess like I'm just a little bit residually annoyed with her so I don't think she's [projecting] (ph) and kind of like me.

(Pause): [00:23:11 00:23:24]

CLIENT: And also I guess I was annoyed because I'm hearing her like struggle with talking to Corin and it's like, ‘then don't freaking talk to him,' like, ‘I don't know what to tell you,' like, ‘I'm not talking to [Franklin] (ph) because it's upsetting when I have and when I do and I'm trying to get over this relationship, like there's zero reason why you should talk to this person right now. You guys don't have a kid, you don't have an apartment, you don't have any finances, you have nothing that you need to like settle. Settle, settle, settle.'

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: I mean -

THERAPIST: I was just sort of wondering how some things can feel difficult. The only thing that I'm thinking about as you talk is you seem like disparaging of the ways that you cope and deal with things like smoking or smoking weed or going to a club on New Year's or (unintelligible) at [00:24:23] in a way sure I understand you kind of want to shake her and say, clearly this is not going to help you, just drop it. On the other hand you probably know as well as anybody why she's probably still talking to him, you know? I mean she misses him and like would know better than you, right now, what that's like. And yet, like, you feel pretty critical of her for it. And then pretty critical of yourself for reaching out like you did the other day. And, so I don't know, it's like this kind of neediness that you feel that you really don't like. Maybe that's it? That you seem to feel like is in a way sort of beneath you? When you talk about like clubs or smoking or how Steph's acting, you know it has a quality to me and maybe I'm just hearing it of saying, of like like it's beneath you or doesn't reflect well on you. And yet at the same time you kind of feel drawn to it, or what you're doing.

CLIENT: Right. Yeah, well I'm definitely feeling needy. Like, I just want to talk to people, like just hang out with people like I'm not really knowing or like knowing who I would want to talk to or hang out with.

THERAPIST: You were talking about this, another thing that was sort of (unintelligible) at [00:26:23] nights when you've gone out and had too much to drink.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: And there's this sort of tone I hear afterwards that's like, ‘oh my God, I can't believe I did that. You know, that's so ridiculous. What was I thinking?' And, it's kind of exactly what you were thinking, you were lonely and you were out and you had been [bare] (ph) and you missed [Franklin] (ph) and you wanted to get out of your head and you drank too much. Maybe other things too, but that seems like a good start.

CLIENT: Yeah, that's usually what it is.

THERAPIST: But then you feel sort of demeaning of yourself about it, I guess that's the part that, one part I'm wondering about. It's like sort of abandoned a bit, part of it feels that way and sort of like -

CLIENT: Right, ‘cause, yeah. I mean -

THERAPIST: You don't like some of your ways of dealing with it.

CLIENT: Exactly.

THERAPIST: I guess I have the sense, maybe this is wrong, that like I couldn't very well give you this impression, but that you have the idea that I would part of this I mean not just you but I would be critical of it, or I would think it lame or you know, a silly way of coping or immature or something like that.

CLIENT: No, I don't think that.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: I think that my parents might think that, maybe not immature or just like not a good call -

THERAPIST: Yeah. I mean like I'm not telling them I'm drinking too much (cross talk) at [00:26:23]

CLIENT: (Sigh) No, I just (Pause) I just want to be over it because I think that feeling that way about how I'm coping is because I don't want to have to be coped with with it. So the coping mechanism is that I'm choosing feels that much more unhealthier, like not productive I guess because I'm also like well it's unproductive that you even are like so needing to have coping mechanisms which is ridiculous because there's really nothing wrong at all. Right?

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: You know I got upset because I saw some pictures posted on a mutual, you know, one of [Franklin's] (ph) friends that he went to the beach with and he's like [ughhue] (ph) and like one of the girls that was like, ‘oh, Miss Fall Preview, like the contest is a girl that I had asked him to talking to a while back because he was talking to her on Facebook all the time or like texting her or something and I was like, ‘who's this person, this chick, and he's like, ‘oh, remember, like you know her, she's so and so's girlfriend, she was here for the event, like we hung out with her.' And I was like, ‘I don't remember her.' And I like I friend requested her on Facebook and she wrote some snooty message like, ‘I don't accept random girls, sorry. If you want to look through my pictures you can do it through [Franklin's] page. And I was like, ‘I don't want to look through your page like, who responds like that? So I told him that that was really like weird and rude and I would feel more comfortable if he wouldn't talk to her too much like anymore or whatever and like, but clearly, like he's like I don't know if she's friends with [unintelligible] at [00:29:45]. I have no idea but then like, so in my head I'm like, oh he probably slept with her, you know. So I was like getting all upset looking at these pictures and also upset because it's like well here I am cleaning out your trash, paying the debt that we owe, taking care of the cats and not going on vacation and fixing my car that like you probably broke or like have given issues to and you're like at the beach. Like, enjoy. I mean, okay, or whatever, like I would be somewhere else if I could be, too, so great that it just pissed me off. And so that was I think part of why I was like feeling more upset for the last few days just because he was in the sun and like but obviously like he's not 100 percent over it either, regardless which is natural and because I'm not either and whatever, but I've just been not and like I'd like maybe date or like go out or something but like I don't really know who I would want to like I still kind of hate everybody that I meet (laughs) that talks to me and like I still hate everybody, so like, when's that going to stop kind of thing.

THERAPIST: Do you hate similar things about them?

CLIENT: Like I don't know, like yeah, like unattractive, loser, not good conversation. I don't know, but this is based on not talking to anybody just like looking at them and not wanting to talk to them or like -

THERAPIST: The conversation's already lame and you haven't even talked to them.

CLIENT: Exactly. You're already, lame, you're already boring me.

THERAPIST: Yeah. Even boring you before you've even started talking to them (inaudible) at [00:31:34]

CLIENT: Right. Exactly. And so I still kind of feel like that. And then that's the other thing about New Year's Eve, like it kind of ups that whole situation because like all the drunk guys are going to, ‘ohh hi!' like, ‘what's your name?' and like I'll hate them even more. Like I hated you already when you were standing over there and now you're in my face, you know? So that's another thing about New Year's Eve that's kind of anxiety producing in a way. Like, oh, God, all the drunk like people that are going to try to come on to us or whatever.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:32:04 00:32:19]

CLIENT: And you know New Year's has this kind of like, I don't know, this whole big thing, buy tickets and tables and what are you going to wear? And buying dresses and there's just this whole big to-do, you know, that I don't want to do. (Laughs)

(Pause): [00:32:39 00:33:37]

THERAPIST: I don't know. I mean it may sound like teasing a little bit because it's a little bit of like, ‘I'm taking my toys and I'm going home you guys.' Like, hey, a little bit of that.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: There's a strict kind of quality to it more like, in a way I guess I sort of imagine if you knew you were going to go out and have a good time and meet somebody nice and maybe even make a date or whatever, like you'd actually probably really be pretty psyched about that.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: I mean, ‘I really don't want to be disappointed.'

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: And, maybe you feel bad about how much you want or need to have right now is part of it. Like, yeah, maybe no matter how much you need to really just go out and enjoy yourself and have a good time and meet people you like, you know, talk to a guy who makes a good impression -

CLIENT: Right. Or just to have a good time to have a good conversation with whoever or whatever, you know? Just have a good time. Right, that's exactly it. I don't want to get, be disappointed.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: But maybe if I look forward to it even if it's not fun, it'll still be more fun because it's like I have a good attitude about it.

THERAPIST: Yeah. I think it's going away which is what you would do if you could is that you're confident enough that you'd enjoy, that you'd actually be really psyched for that.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: But you're feeling pretty crummy that you can't do it.

CLIENT: Right. Yeah. I mean I think that I'm really, though that I'm just happy to have this much time off and so like I'm kind of like, okay, I can't go away and that sucks, but I'll go away another time and for now I have three weeks off to get stuff done that I haven't been able to get done and get a routine and (unintelligible) at [00:35:31] feels really good and so I'm trying to concentrate on that, I think. But yeah, I mean I would like to be able to look forward to like New Year's Eve and get some things done and I mean I would like to even look forward to like doing something tonight, but I'm not so enthusiastic. Maybe if the rain stops I'll be more enthusiastic, but right now it's kind of, ‘yeah, it's raining, like my first day of vacation, I'll just go home and chill and watch a movie or something.' Which would be (unintelligible) at [00:36:04]. Tomorrow I'm going to Chicago and that'll be fun because Sunday, Amanda (sp?) has off and so we're going to do like our own little Christmas thing and I'm going to stay until Monday afternoon and then come back. And then on Monday afternoon I'm picking up the first thing that that jeweler is making for me, the jeweler with the -

THERAPIST: The jeweler with the money -

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: I didn't know what the sort of outcome of that was.

CLIENT: Oh. Well, he gave me the money back. I paid the loan back.

THERAPIST: That's good.

CLIENT: But like I wanted to still do some stuff with the gold and whatever that I sold him. So he's making me some little stars out of some diamonds that I had and then he might help me make a ring out of some other stones that I had. But he said he could do the earrings for me before Christmas so that's nice, so that's a little present to myself and then I think we haven't decided yet if we're going to do like Christmas Eve or Christmas Day at my mom's but one or the other and I got her what I hope is a nice gift that should be arriving which is a handbag to replace one that I bought her like five years ago that's like falling apart. Hopefully she likes it just as well. It wasn't too expensive and then I need to go to Target to get like stocking stuffers for them and I got my brother a little money clip thing which was nice, also. So I was able to do a little bit after all which I feel good about. I'm going to get some stuff for the girls and I got a little pair of earrings for Amanda (sp?) and so just that feels good. I think it will be nice to do that Christmas in Chicago and I'll see my grandmother, maybe my cousin and her husband and you know, Christmas at my mom's and I guess my mom is going to buy me a rug for my living room. I think I said that so I think on Christmas we'll go like she'll show me the website that she wanted me to look at and order it for me and stuff. So, it should be a nice weekend and beginning of the week and I, if I can just kind of rally myself to feel a little more I think if maybe there's a little bit more, maybe we can either do this or this, then it will be easier to be excited because I'll like have a better picture of what we'll be doing. Right now, like they're all like, ‘we don't really know, and I don't know, maybe we'll go out to dinner or maybe we'll do this or maybe we'll do that it's making me really like man, not so exciting.' But, once we have a plan I think it could be, possibly, as long as it doesn't involve too much money.

(Pause): [00:38:35 00:38:42]

CLIENT: I mean just having the time to do stuff like go get clothing, have shoes repaired or polished or just little things I don't really have time because I'm not really going to do it on the weekends, is going to be really nice.

THERAPIST: Good.

(Pause): [00:38:57 00:39:02]

CLIENT: And hopefully getting some light fixtures. My landlord said he would put it up if I get something. So if I can get him to do that. Right.

(Pause): [00:39:16 00:39:21]

CLIENT: I mean I knew the holidays were going to be difficult so I just kind of got to take it as it comes I guess. I was feeling, I was feeling lonely this weekend but I actually feel like the idea of going and just hanging out at my house alone tonight is appealing for once.

THERAPIST: Good.

CLIENT: And like this whole week hasn't really been appealing. Which probably has to do with the test and studying and being all alone and now that's over so I can actually look forward to being home and not being like I should be studying. (Unintelligible) not being married is really nice.

THERAPIST: She's gone?

CLIENT: Yeah. So that's good. I'll have to water her plants. She has a lot of plants. I did not realize how many plants she has in her room so is like straight up soil.

THERAPIST: (Laughs)

CLIENT: So it's like, so I realize that's what it is. So, yeah, she's got until the 7th. So then I still have another week off after she gets back.

(Pause): [00:40:33 00:40:41]

CLIENT: And you know also I think that January first is like when my new budget starts because (unintelligible) at [00:40:48] because the summer is already a wash. So, that's also something that I'm looking forward to because I can actually start seeing how much I'm going to spend and how much I should spend and what I should cut back and that'll be good and so all these kind of New Year's resolutions things is kind of like, okay, I can still use some of the things I'm using as crutches, but maybe you know, not as much or just be more mindful of it. So that those times when I do just want to get out of my head and drink too much or whatever it's not like I've done it three nights in a row and spent $50 every night or whatever. And you know if I move the weight bench and home construction thingy he had and so I put a bookshelf in there, like put my weights on it and like organized that which was nice and maybe I'll get some posters for the wall and you know, just make that more like an inviting space for that. I'm like excited to go in there and work out and it's like this cool room that -

THERAPIST: You've got your stuff in.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Good. (inaudible) at [00:42:09] sounds better.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: (Unintelligible)

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Have a good trip.

CLIENT: Thanks.

THERAPIST: And ah,

CLIENT: Yeah, have a great Christmas.

THERAPIST: Thank you.

CLIENT: And I'll see you next Friday.

THERAPIST: (inaudible).

CLIENT: Yeah, cool. Okay, thank you. Take care.

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