TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: First of all, nobody else besides me has cat scratches on their boot.

THERAPIST: (Laughs)

CLIENT: Like cat lady. So I turned 29 yesterday.

THERAPIST: Happy birthday.

CLIENT: Thank you. And it was good. Like in the morning it was a little weird because it was the first time in three years waking up alone. Okay. And then I was also pissed because I was like, ‘oh, I wonder when I'm going to hear from [Franklin] (ph) or if I'm going to hear from him or what's going on and I was really upset because he sent me a message that said, ‘hey, did you say you had some more of my mail?' And I was like, ‘okay, if you forgot, then you're a piece of shit.' If you didn't forget, but decided to text message me that then you're an asshole like and/or malicious and then so I text him back this morning and I said, ‘yeah, I just dropped it off at your house.' He was like really angry so I like dropped it off at his house. Yeah, I just dropped it off at your house. Sorry for not texting back last night, I was out celebrating my birthday. And he texted back, ‘thank you. Happy birthday, Trina.' And that was like, I don't think he forgot. I think he knew it was my birthday yesterday. You're a fucking asshole. So, like, I'm kind of over it already. I mean like it's like it's just he's just proving why I broke up with him every time I communicate with him. It's like reinforcing that I made the right choice for me. So. That happened. I was a little sad when I got home but it was fine and then I was tired I went out to dinner with my girlfriend, like three girlfriends and that was really fun. We had tacos and a bunch of cocktails and it was really nice. And then tonight I have family dinner and then tomorrow I have my little birthday party thing that I put together, so I'm excited.

Now, this is I'm a little wishy washy, well at times a little wishy washy to me because I always like shit on other people who like say stuff like this, but I think I'm starting to believe in self-proclaimed destiny because I don't know if it's just coincidence that a week before my 29th birthday I say, ‘fuck it, I'm moving to Houston,' and apply for a bunch of jobs. Okay, that was Wednesday that I applied for all those jobs. Monday morning of this week, the Monday before my birthday I get a phone call asking for an interview with actually the highest paying one that I applied for, the executive assistant position for the campus of the president. Thank you. And so I set up a Skype conversation, a Skype interview with a team of five people on Tuesday at 3, so I'm going to call in sick and it's really irresponsible because it's the first day of the month, but, like I can't because I wouldn't be able to manage leaving early, so it's just easier to call in sick.

THERAPIST: Good luck.

CLIENT: Thanks. So I'm super excited and then there's like a writing sample but anyway, so there's that. I e-mailed the one that I had interviewed with last spring, the director of advancement or whatever, just to like check in and say hello, all that. She e-mailed me back I told you this? No, ‘cause it happened all this week.

THERAPIST: You told me you were going to get in touch with her.

CLIENT: So I e-mailed her and she didn't answer back, then I e-mailed her again and said I'd like to connect with you and like then to be interviewed. She e-mailed me after that message and said, ‘Trina, I'd love to talk to you and hear about how the last few months, how the last few months have been going.'

THERAPIST: That's great.

CLIENT: You know, ‘my assistants can e-mail you and set up a time for us to talk.' So I'm talking to her on Tuesday as well at 4 p.m. And I don't know about what but it's great either way. Then, so I had applied for events planner at the university, I was like, ‘oh, my God,' and I e-mailed the hiring manager who is the executive director and he e-mailed me back you know, ‘thank you for your e-mail. Unfortunately, we're at the end of our hiring process,' as I expected so I was like, okay, whatever. Then this morning I get an e-mail from him saying, ‘have you relocated to Houston yet? How is your job search going?' So I e-mailed back and I said that I actually am not going to be relocating until I find a suitable position, it's an awkward time in the semester, etc. I applied for x-positions that were open at the University, you know, ‘thank you for checking in and I'd love to keep in touch and learn more about your activities and -

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: and blah, blah, blah. Okay, so like four hours after that I get a random call number calling my phone it's Houston, and it's the admin from the Center asking me to have a phone interview with the executive director and director today.

THERAPIST: Fantastic.

CLIENT: Like, so I'm like how can I'm starting to think like it can't be good, like and so I'm feeling good because like it is my birthday and like all this good stuff is happening and I'm getting an interview, a phone interview like as soon as they wanted to interview as soon as possible for a position that I was specifically e-mailed back and told was hired for. Like, it's really exciting.

THERAPIST: That's very good.

CLIENT: And that's why I think, I literally feel like I said it out loud, like, I'm moving to Houston. And like now it's like boom, boom, boom, all this stuff is happening and so I go like, ‘ohhh,' when people say stuff like that but I'm like, actually, maybe there's a little bit of truth in it. I mean it could just be, who knows, I mean, whatever. It's like, obviously I have the experience and it's not just like I'm randomly like, ‘sure this one.' But, I mean I guess another part of what I'm feeling about the whole self-proclaiming destiny thing is like you know saying, ‘oh I wish I had done it years ago, I wish I had done this, I wish I'd done that.' If I'd done it years ago, well first of all it wasn't happening like this years ago because when I was applying when I was at hotels it wasn't happening for me. I mean, and that's the easiest world of jobs to transfer in ever is hotels. And it wasn't happening for me, it just wasn't coming together. And then even when I you know, kind of half-assed applied, started looking last year, it really wasn't coming together for me, I mean it really that much opportunity, I wasn't really getting calls. But now like I have x-amount of experience where I've been now and I feel like it wasn't meant to happen three years ago because it didn't happen and like my efforts to (unclear) at [00:06:15] didn't work out last time, like three years ago. But now, all these contributing factors are leading up to the fact that it is the right time now, so like even though I have all these fears and I'm like maybe it is too late, what if I get stuck down there, what if I meet a man, what if this, what if that, what if I'm not happy, I don't want to leave my friends, all this stuff, the university, you know the whole thing, like regardless of all that, like I think it is the right time and I think that I mean literally less than a week after I decided I'm moving to Houston and I'm going to apply to a few jobs and I have three like interviews, whether or not one the real interview or just like a kind of networking interview, regardless. I mean that's pretty impressive I think.

THERAPIST: Great. Yeah.

CLIENT: So I'm really excited. And then I e-mailed Stephanie to tell her and she was like, ‘make sure you're prepared for the one today because it's so soon, you don't have a few days to prepare like you do for the one on Tuesday.' I'm like it's literally my job. I'm not really sure it's my job like scaled down, like way scaled down. I'm wondering if, I saw that he had looked at my Linked In profile so I'm wondering if he my Linked In profile is basically the same thing as my resume, so whatever. He had seen that. But I'm wondering if also, who knows what's going on, why they're at the end of the hiring process and now want to interview me, but I'm wondering if also he went to our website and saw the volume of activities in terms of events, conferences and website and all that stuff we have going on and is kind of like, it's definitely worth our while to call her.

THERAPIST: My guess is one is that they were, they'd made an offer to somebody who refused it or something or maybe he [negged] (ph) you without actually having looked at your stuff and then sort of had somebody look at it and said you should interview this person. I bet they saw that your jobs were so similar and it's at the university and that's why they wanted to -

CLIENT: Right. I mean my only thing is that the base pay they listed on the job description is way lower than I could ever do.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: But I mean I still think that it's worth my while to accept an interview.

THERAPIST: They could make it a bigger job or something and pay more money.

CLIENT: Who knows? Exactly. Maybe. I mean I have no idea. My guess is that from what it looked like on the website it's a really small center. I mean the only staff they have listed is the director, executive director and the admin for staff. But then they had a bunch of fellows and I don't know in what capacities, like the fellows there are because like we've had fellows, we have some fellows who actually work for the summer coordinating for example the Mexican and Central American program, you know, being the fellow for that program to get whatever. So, I'm not sure if that's the deal with them or who knows, or if it's more like okay, like our visiting scholars. I have no idea. But, it looked pretty small which, and that's my guess as to why they have that very specific starting salary listed in the job description as opposed to just leaving it with a job grade pay grade. But it's just exciting. It's like I really I mean it's a little nerve wracking, I mean I'm always anxious and I always worry about everything and over think everything and all that, but I mean I think in my head it was like, well I'll certify, I probably won't hear anything for like a month and maybe I'll get some interviews in a month or so. It'll be a few month process before I'm starting to interview and hear stuff. I really didn't expect it to go this quickly. I mean it's great and it feels wonderful.

THERAPIST: I mean, one never would.

CLIENT: No. I mean it's really fast I think. Especially for an out of state applicant.

THERAPIST: Yeah. Sure. It's very exciting.

CLIENT: And for jobs that have been posted for a while. I'm excited about it's very exciting. There's a couple of ways I could think about this, too. While the job at the college is way higher paying, it's a little bit more comprehensive in the sense that it covers a lot of different bases that would put me in a good position to kind of go any direction that I wanted afterwards in higher admin jobs, but and then in terms of the other stuff, the university is an obviously more reputable place and they have a program where you get I think like free tuition so I could do my master's there and I would probably rather do that, a master's, you know what I mean? So, there's that aspect to it. And also the possibility of being in events specific position, stay in that role as opposed to so it's like it's weird, it's like a weird way to think about things, but I think it's the way I should be thinking of it because if the salary's lower but I can get into like a public relations master's program for free as opposed to just extension school religion because that's what's there, because I mean while here you can get tuition assistance for like graduate school of arts and sciences or whatever, it's not the same as just paying the $40 a class for extension school which is why most, a lot of employees do extension school.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: Because you still pay like 50 or 60 percent of the tuition at the grad school.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah, maybe 20 but I mean you're still paying and then also it's different because you have to pay and then later you get it back.

THERAPIST: These other two jobs, the money you'd save by being able to take classes for free would be more than the difference in salary?

CLIENT: I'd have to look into that but I think because I haven't looked into taking, to doing an actual master's program or the graduate programs here, I wouldn't know, I mean it wouldn't be more than if I did the extension school for example, master's program, it would be like a total of $500.

THERAPIST: What I meant was the two jobs down there.

CLIENT: I haven't looked into what the course, like what the benefits are in terms of employees taking courses at the college because I was kind of like ‘humph', but the university, they from what I understood full. You're asking is would that difference make up for the salary difference.

THERAPIST: Exactly.

CLIENT: I don't know. I mean not immediately. Maybe in the long run. Yeah. My concern regardless of what it would be living. I'm not sure I can afford to live unless it's an x regardless of where I am because of the steadies in terms of paying my bills. I don't know. I'm really curious to hear about this position and hear about. Well, it's weird too because she was like, ‘you had applied for the position for the open position here and our executive director would like to speak with you on the phone today.' But it wasn't like, ‘so that you can interview for that position.' And then when she sent the e-mail confirming it, she's like, ‘this is an e-mail confirming your job interview with the executive director and director.' I was like, okay, like fine but I didn't realize I was interviewing. It was just kind of funny. I don't know. We'll see. I'm very interested to hear about like what and I'm also curious just to hear about what they do at that center because I do it here but I have no idea what the differences are obviously going to be that in Houston there's like a much larger access to A people traveling down, people coming up because it's a lot cheaper, not to mention the community there and how that is probably going to play a bigger part in the center than at our cultural studies program for example which is miniscule. And just in general what kinds of things they do at the community because of the Latino connection and everything. That's why I think that even though it's a low salary I'm curious about it because that would then, like I've already connected my Spanish language and admiration of Latino culture into my job, but it would be interesting to be doing that in a setting where you can get a little bit more -

THERAPIST: Is it a lot bigger community?

CLIENT: Yeah, a bigger community and more opportunity for other people to come visit. I have no idea, that's what I think is exciting, that I don't know and I want to find out.

THERAPIST: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

CLIENT: It's pretty cool.

THERAPIST: You know it's a smaller center that has fewer resources in some ways than the one up here. There could be some pretty exciting things about it because of geographically being closer -

CLIENT: Exactly. Yeah, I think yeah. I mean not to toot my own horn, but to toot my own horn, like I feel there's not everybody that I know even who are like professionals or whatever, could say, ‘I'm going to apply to some jobs. Oh, look, here's like three jobs that are actually pretty specific to my career goals. Oh, look, I'm getting interviewed for all of them. Like I'm not sure that everybody could really achieve that. Like, oh, well I'm just going to apply to everything I possibly can because I want to move and I just need to find a job and it doesn't matter what it is.' And that would be kind of and that's what everybody kind of told me, like, ‘well, if you want to move, then move. And you're going to have to sacrifice a job that you like and like some money and whatever, but that doesn't seem to be the case for me. Which is awesome.

THERAPIST: Absolutely. Super awesome.

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean, I've worked hard you know.

THERAPIST: Yeah, these are things you have to show for that.

CLIENT: And the job description for the other position that I'm interviewing for, the executive assistant position is like really meaty. Wait, like I'm going to read you a couple of lines because I was like, what the hell are they like this is an admin position, like really? Hold on.

(Pause): [00:16:48 00:16:55]

CLIENT: And actually this all works out perfectly well because I took the rest of the day off and I asked if my mom and Tracy would meet up with me at my mom's house to go over this job description and help me out with some interviewing tips, especially Tracy because -

THERAPIST: Can we just look at it or can I read it?

CLIENT: No, I mean you can look at it but this is what killed me. ‘Ability to interpret an extensive variety of technical instructions in mathematical or diagram form and deal with several abstract and concrete variables. What the fuck? Like to what could that be referring to? I'm like, this is an admin position. So then a lot of people are like, ‘well, they probably just like beef it up and like write all this bullshit most or which is common sense if you've ever done administrative or event work because maybe they're trying to weed out like people that either don't really read the job descriptions or who would be overwhelmed, you know, or intimidated by this kind of stuff. I starred the stuff that I wanted to, you know, prepare for. They list of a lot of stuff, I mean a lot of stuff that I've done. And it is a really high paying admin job at that, but -

(Pause): [00:18:21 00:19:10]

THERAPIST: Yeah, I don't think this is like a secretarial position.

CLIENT: It's not secretarial. No. I mean it's definitely very evolved. I mean my representing the office of the campus president at meetings and you know.

THERAPIST: Yeah. You're having to like project, research projects related to the sort of I don't know, like stuff that the president has. It sounds like you do presentations at a fairly high level like, including to the, you know, board of directors.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Of the college.

CLIENT: It's involved.

THERAPIST: Yeah. Interpret an extensive variety of technical instructions.

CLIENT: Right. That's what (laughs)

THERAPIST: (Laughs) It sounds like it's referring to something specific.

CLIENT: Right. That's what I mean I can ask these questions in the course of the interview. I'm not, I ask tons of questions in interviews. But -

(Pause): [00:20:22 00:20:33]

THERAPIST: Yeah, it's sounds like a sort of, kind of -

(Pause): [00:20:34 00:20:50]

THERAPIST: Like assistant chief of staff position or something.

CLIENT: Yeah, awesome.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I mean that's what I definitely why I want to prepare for this interview. I mean I can do most I can do all of the stuff listed there. (Cross talk).

THERAPIST: (Cross talk) around here? [00:21:17]

CLIENT: I don't.

THERAPIST: Who with?

CLIENT: Well, actually I do. Well, I like, I mean, not personally and also not anybody that I would feel comfortable asking.

THERAPIST: That you want to leave?

CLIENT: Exactly. Because everybody hereit's all, there's a lot of, especially within like the University Management Office and like dealing with our with my supervisor (unclear) [00:21:42] who is our associate director of (unclear) and development. Like, and they -

THERAPIST: She'd probably be a great person to ask.

CLIENT: She'd be yeah.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I mean, a lot, well and like the for example the assistant to the provost I know her because we've worked together when we're bringing dignitaries to the new school. Right. But I do not feel comfortable talking to her without thinking that she's going to go tell the bosses and like they would be like, ‘why is your events coordinator asking about (unclear) [00:22:16] and blah, blah, blah.'

THERAPIST: Yeah and wait a minute so Tracy's head of counseling. I don't even know yeah, something. Head of yeah. I wonder if she would know anybody there.

CLIENT: Yeah, she might. Our meeting tomorrow that's why I'm meeting up with both of them today so maybe she will. I'll ask her. That's a good point. I haven't really thought of that to tell you the truth. I mean I'm pretty good at like, I mean, if I prepare like bullshitting -

THERAPIST: Right. But no you could just sound like there are some responsibilities there where you get literally what they mean, but it's not quite clear what they mean you have to be doing. At least for me, maybe you have a much clearer idea of what you do than I do, but -

CLIENT: You mean in terms of like the technical -

THERAPIST: Yeah, that and it doesn't really say, so, okay, in an average week here are the six projects you're going to be working on and you know, here's how you'll be spending most of your time.

CLIENT: Right. Which is one of the questions I would ask, probably.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: I think it's going to be hard for me to make first of all to like talk to my mom and Tracy and get their thoughts on this especially Tracy. And then to also be prepared with a list of questions during the interview like that are specific to questions I have about stuff listed there and then questions I have about an average day, questions I have about the average grants I would actually be assisting with writing or whatever.

THERAPIST: Yeah. I mean it would be nice to know as much as you possible walking in so that you could be selling yourself in a way that sort of -

CLIENT: matches right.

THERAPIST: makes clear that you are going to be yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah. I think that you know, if there is an understanding of on the job training no matter what, like no matter what, and so that's always a consideration they have and I obtain this from having hiring experience to know you look at they have x,y,z but they don't -

THERAPIST: They don't have the ingredient they're missing others but -

CLIENT: I could improve those right, yeah. Exactly. So that's what I need to kind of prepare myself for, for the interview I think is something I can do in a way that shows them that I'm able to quickly grasp other things or whatever the case may be. I mean, either way I think the interview is going to be great experience even though I don't get a call back or anything like that. The writing samples they say they're going to send after the interview they send me, an assignment for a writing sample, I'm not worried about that particularly because -

THERAPIST: They actually ask you to write something?

CLIENT: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: You've got to do something like you've written for a class?

CLIENT: No, unfortunately not.

THERAPIST: They give you an essay on something.

CLIENT: Yeah. But I'm not too worried about that because I'm an excellent writer.

THERAPIST: Cool.

CLIENT: I may have Stephanie review it for me when I do it though because she is a lawyer so she's where I write a lot, I do a lot of writing for class and then I write a lot because I do a lot of e-mails she may have a better eye for formal writing because I don't really do too much of that in the work place. So that will be helpful. I'll probably have Tracy look at it, too. She's good at editing. Yeah, so I'm really going to prepare for that one. The one today I'm not as concerned with preparing for, just because it's not as the job description doesn't really, I mean doesn't really list anything that I haven't done I don't think like I mean maybe some things, but it's like mostly accounting of expenditures, reconciliation or budgets, coordination, organization, promotion, evaluation of activities, compiling data for grants you know, just a lot of stuff that I've done. But the other one the experience that's the other thing because it was like master's degree or seven years of managerial experience. Well, I've had seven years of experience, over seven years of experience if you really want to include like my work/study days and stuff like that. But, it's definitely not all in managerial and so I'm also encouraged that they pulled my resume regardless of that fact. I mean half of it has been somewhat managerial. A good half of it has been managerial.

THERAPIST: But part of the reason it feels so great is that you've felt kind of stuck. You felt like a lot of things haven't been going the way you wanted and it's nice to feel so effective.

CLIENT: Yeah. And it's funny because when I made the decision it was because literally I was like I feel so fucking stuck that I just am going to do it even though I can't and it's irresponsible and it's probably going to be a bad job and all this stuff.

THERAPIST: Yep.

CLIENT: And it's like, ‘whoa, I don't have to be stuck.' Like, I could actually be better off maybe if I get a job that's going to pay me 10,000 more than I'm making now, like, ‘great!' I'm less stuck than I am here and my debt will be paid even faster.

THERAPIST: And the cost of living is a lot less.

CLIENT: And the cost of living is lower. I mean it would be like just what the doctor ordered as opposed to me thinking, ‘well, I'm just going to do it even though this is probably the worst choice I could make.' That's like kind of how I went into it. And now it's like, ‘actually, maybe this is the best choice I could be making right now.' I mean there's a something to be said about my mom's fear of me going down and meeting a guy and not coming back where that fear wouldn't have been as present if I had gone three, four, five years ago ‘cause I was younger and -

THERAPIST: Sure.

CLIENT: And of course, it's a lot, it's more real and possible now. But, it comes with the territory, ma, like sorry, hopefully I'll meet somebody who's willing to move or maybe I'll stay down there like we'll meet in the middle. I don't know but you've just got to let me figure it out. Yeah, I don't want to stay down there forever but maybe I'll change my mind if I meet somebody or once I'm there. I don't know. I have friends (unclear) at [00:28:30] like, ‘at least try to not date someone that has kids because then at least if they don't have kids you can try to convince them to come here. But if they have kids they definitely won't come.' I'm like, ‘good point. I'll try to avoid that.' (Laughs). No, at first I was like, ‘I don't date someone who has kids,' and she's like, ‘you're 29.' And I'm like, ‘good point.' Like a lot of people (unclear) like I'm not sure if I should make it at the top of my ‘do not date list' but I don't think I should write everybody off that you know, that's like the same idea as writing people off whose parents are divorced or old or (laughs). I mean it's nerve wracking because like at the same time, like, ‘would they want me?' and like ‘am I burning bridges here if I leave before the end of the semester? And the Brazil trip, I'm giving that up, I mean I can always go to Brazil especially if I have a higher paying job and am closer to Brazil, so -

THERAPIST: (Laughs)

CLIENT: That's not as big of a deal. Right, the whole, like leaving them in the lurch and how quickly if I could ask for like if somebody would give me a month to move down there and not to mention not only the job stuff but like I have to leave everything here. I'd have to -

THERAPIST: Sure. I don't really know these things but when you work for them for a couple of years I think also people would be excited for you -

CLIENT: That's what me and my office mate were saying today because I'm nervous about it but at the same time it's like, that's what happens. Like, you get a job and you leave your current job. Like, just because

THERAPIST: Sure, and you get to move and -

CLIENT: Yeah, and know that (unclear) would understand the same thing.

That's what she was saying, she was like, ‘oh, they'd be happy for you. You've worked here. They know there's no growth for you here salary or position-wise in the center so it's like they should be happy for you. And I think they will be. I do. I think that it will be a little bit stressful for them but then the other piece of it is not only the job thing but then figuring out what I'm bringing down there, finding a place, getting down there, getting a sublet or figuring out I need a place to fit a king size bed, like -

THERAPIST: Yeah. If worse comes to worse, you know you could keep your apartment up here for an extra month.

CLIENT: Yeah. No, that's

THERAPIST: Travel back and forth a little bit.

CLIENT: Right. And figure it out. Right. I decided to tell my roommate as well that I was looking only because I was like, originally I was like, ‘well, I'll call her after I start getting called for interviews which won't be for a month or so.'

THERAPIST: What's she going to do? She can't fire me.

CLIENT: Right. She can't fire me. At least I won't tell anybody at my job yet, but her I told.

THERAPIST: You probably won't be fired there either.

CLIENT: But it might be a little wary. You know she was really happy for me and she's like, ‘no I'm not nervous at all, we'll figure it out. This stuff is great and I'm glad you're following your dream. It's fantastic.' Yeah, but exactly. My dad, honestly, I thought, especially if I get the job that pays higher he'll have no problem helping me with the plane ticket, helping me with the move, helping me with figuring out the apartment stuff. I mean I just, I know that about him. I know, like originally last year when I was interviewing for that job he was like, without any hesitation, ‘if they call you for an interview, I'll pay for your ticket to go down there,' which I'm sure he would for this one too. Which is great because tickets in the next few weeks to Houston are not cheap because of February break and spring break coming up and I mean like to the North it would be, the connecting flight was like $400 or 450 or I'm used to like not paying that much because I go when it's the cheapest as possible ticket.

(Pause): [00:31:52 00:31:59]

CLIENT: I mean like, I could probably get offered this position for the events planner like there's a chance that I will be, because they're calling me after they said they closed the position, like that's really an indicator and then there's the issue of when do I really just want to go now and take the job that pays less and I could say ‘fuck it' just so I can go quickly?

THERAPIST: You don't have to figure that out today.

CLIENT: Right. Right. Yeah. I mean I started doing the whole thing like, ‘oh, I shouldn't the cats, they're not going to like a smaller place and what if they're too hot and what if it affects their health and how am I going to do the drive with them and what if I take them in a plane and they're like sad? And all this bullshit and I was like, ‘(unclear) like it's fine.' Cats adjust. They'll be fine. They have each other and they have me. I'll bring their fucking cat condo that I built for them. It'll be good. Whatever.

THERAPIST: You have the right to worry a little bit you know. I mean it isn't surprising for someone to talk about, you know, how are the logistics going to work out? Is something going to go wrong? Am I going to be okay? Will I stay on top of everything?

CLIENT: Right. Exactly. What am I going to bring? What do I how am I going to where am I going to put the stuff I don't bring? I don't want to throw away my stuff but I don't want to bring it and I don't want to I'll rent a storage space.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Okay, that's an added expense to my life.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And it's done.

THERAPIST: And it's done.

CLIENT: And it's here and I can live my life in Houston and come back to like my 15 boxes of books I read 15 years ago later. I don't really have to I mean I definitely also would want to look up relocation tips, relocating to another state, like that stuff is really helpful and you know? I've never relocated and I have a lot of stuff because I've lived here for 29 years. I've been schlepping myself from one apartment to another and if I move to Houston I'm not going to schlep a huge thing of unorganized pictures that I'm never going to put in an album.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: I can schlep it around here but not so much to Houston.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Not necessary. So I would definitely want to get storage space. But that's precisely it. Like I worry all the time. I'm always thinking about logistics. My whole life is logistics. I mean I'm an events planner. Like I literally made it my job. Always thinking about logistics. So that's of course kind of what I'm fixating on. How's it going to work. Is my car going to make it there? Do I even want the car there? I'd have to get the air conditioner fixed. Should I just get a new car? If I'm being paid more I can get the car I want.

(Pause): [00:34:40 00:34:49]

THERAPIST: I wonder how much of it sort of points back to like is this the right decision?

CLIENT: It all points back to that.

THERAPIST: Yeah, and maybe that's an especially charged question for you because the main reason you're doing this is because you want to.

CLIENT: Not because it's the right decision or the wrong decision.

THERAPIST: Right. It sounds like something that would be reassuring about making more money is that that's kind of an easy thing to sort of lean on as a reason to do it.

CLIENT: That's what I was talking about with Stephanie the other day. She's like, ‘yeah, it's already justified that you're going because you want to go but it's like getting a job that pays you x-amount more than you're getting paid now like solidifies the justification that you really should go. Not only that you want to, but you should.

THERAPIST: Right. Even the parts about just wanting to. Yeah, and it makes the just wanting to that makes you anxious. It's not generally what you've acted on. You respond to that by sort of focusing on all the logistics.

CLIENT: And also the last time I just did what I wanted, three years later I have a failed relationship that was lies for three years. So it's like, and that's literally, ‘I want to choose [Franklin] (ph) so like for all the reason they shouldn't be, I'm going to, because I want to. So that's another part of it I think. The last time I did something I really wanted -

THERAPIST: Yeah. Your confidence is a bit shaky around that kind of thing.

CLIENT: It (unclear) at [00:36:20] So for sure. But I keep reminding myself like, ‘I can always come back.'

THERAPIST: It's true.

CLIENT: Everything is going to be here. I was talking to my friend Lucas about that. He was in Vietnam for three years. He was like, ‘yeah, that's what I realized. I was nervous before I left. I went. I got back. Everything is exactly the same. Like, that building's going to be here. Stephanie's still going to be fighting with her dad at work. Like everything is going to be the same. Like that shit doesn't change. Only one in x-amount of people move away. Your friends are still going to be here.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And if they're not they're probably going to be in Chicago.

THERAPIST: Yeah, yeah.

CLIENT: And he's right. I can always come back. Like not a big deal.

(Pause): [00:36:59 00:37:07]

CLIENT: Which is funny because like I walked out of here kind of like, ‘well who knows, maybe next week I'll hear something.' Like, ‘so probably not.' And then here I am right three different appointments set up. Super exciting.

THERAPIST: That's great. I hope the rest of the week goes this well.

CLIENT: Thanks. Yeah, it'll be a nice, I hope the conversation goes well today. It'll be a nice way to start the weekend. It already is.

(Pause): [00:37:31 00:37:37]

CLIENT: It worked out that I took the rest of the afternoon off. At first she said if I could talk at 1 and then I was kind of like, ‘well, (unclear), 3's better.'

(Pause): [00:37:39 00:38:04]

CLIENT: I was thinking about like how would I make friends and stuff. Well, I'm sure that people will, if I figure it out and I'm actually going and I put it on Facebook, I'm sure people will start, oh, you know I have a friend here, a cousin here, whatever, you know. My cousin already linked me up with somebody that she knows that's an events planner in Houston and her husband's a lawyer so those would be, and their Jewish, so that's nice.

THERAPIST: You mentioned that.

CLIENT: Okay. But like what I think is also kind of cool about the idea of moving is like I'd kind of be forced to put myself in situations and activities and scenarios that I might not put the effort into doing here because I have my little circle and feel a little bit more secure. But you know, like doing things like joining those meet up groups or going to more salsa nights or going to more networking things, just going alone, like I don't really do that here. And I think it will be good to push me to do that because it'll help me to get to know myself, too, I think, which is going to be really important and I mean I'm hoping that wherever I end up at a university job, you know like universities always have a 20-something crowd who go there. People who work there, so kind of try to really get myself into activities there, so that's pretty exciting. I'm a little nervous about being lonely and I'm sure I will be a little bit at first but I'm hoping I can get friends to visit me a little bit in the beginning for a couple of weekends or hopefully my mom will come help me do the move or somebody will help me do the move.

(Pause): [00:39:46 00:39:55]

CLIENT: And I suppose I'd want to like rent at first, like whatever or something, but it will be good to like, hopefully I can find like a real estate somebody as opposed to just doing it on Craig's List because I feel like, especially in Houston with so many foreclosures and stuff you can really get screwed around or, I don't know, because I don't know the area, it's different than living here, I know every neighborhood like it's not a problem. But in Houston, who knows?

THERAPIST: You mean like what is it like trying to find a place to live?

CLIENT: Yeah. Right. Exactly, because this is what I concentrate on. Also, I'm just going to say, I found a parking spot. I drove today because it was a half day and I found a parking spot directly outside of this building. Like, the good luck continues. Or whatever.

THERAPIST: That's terrific.

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:40:50 00:41:03]

THERAPIST: That's amazing.

CLIENT: I even have an interview today. That's so crazy. I do think that my boss that she'll be happy for me, that she'll understand especially when I explain how I've been feeling stuck, how I've been wanting to do this for years and somehow I never did it and all that stuff and I'm sure she'll understand, but I know it's going to be hard for her in a number of ways like she really likes me and I'm really good at my job and I think that she feels stuck in her job. She feels stuck in her career. She's not married. She's going to be 37 this year, so I think that there's going to be a part of her that's like envious and I hope that that won't cloud like any kind of I hope that won't burn bridges for me.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Like her kind of feeling whatever about it. I mean I don't think ultimately it will. I think ultimately there's no way anybody could say anything bad about me. I'm not like walking out one day like, ‘man, I'm out of here.' I would at least give two weeks.

THERAPIST: Maybe it's okay to do what you want.

CLIENT: Yeah. It might be. I think I'm realizing that. I mean I did get the advice from Stephanie's sister who was a career counselor like you know it's really bad to not leave, you wouldn't want to leave them in the lurch so it's probably best to like generally for universities you want to give them enough time to find a suitable replacement. I was like, ‘what? It could take six months in this place.' It didn't make any sense, like why is that my problem? I mean it wasn't definitely my problem when I had to hire three admins three years in a row, so can it be their problem to hire one events coordinator in three years? (Laughs)

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: I mean I've been here two years and nine months already. Eh? Decent fucking time for like a job with not very much growth?

THERAPIST: Yeah. Absolutely.

CLIENT: I mean if you even had a morsel like I mean like where we haven't gotten our union raises, like there still needs negotiation, it's kind of like, I'm not that enthusiastic about this religion thing, I just kind of was like wanting to do a master's and like religion is interesting but I'm not super enthused about it so I'm not like so, ‘I'm missing this opportunity.' Clearly, like just having it as a job, nothing to do with schooling, it's like working just as well as having it on my educational history. And it's not like my college is not good. I mean other universities look good.

THERAPIST: Yeah, it a good place.

CLIENT: We're actually hiring a presenter from another university for Tuesday's seminar. So I when I invited him I was like, ‘my alma mater.' He did not care. Like hey, man, that's not his school.

THERAPIST: We'll stop for now, but good luck.

CLIENT: Thank you.

THERAPIST: (Cross talk)

CLIENT: Yeah. So, see you next week.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Right?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: No holiday or anything?

THERAPIST: Not a holiday.

CLIENT: Okay. Then we'll see what the news is coming (cross talk)

THERAPIST: (Cross talk)

CLIENT: Have a good weekend.

THERAPIST: Thank you. Take care, Trina.

CLIENT: See you.

END TRANSCRIPT