TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: (SIGH) Hi.

THERAPIST: Hi.

CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:00:09) a little better (inaudible) a short week.

THERAPIST: Good. Before I forget...

CLIENT: Oh.

THERAPIST: Before I forget. The insurance has changed.

CLIENT: Yeah, I got your e-mail that you had sent me with the information awhile ago.

THERAPIST: Do you mean the bill or do you mean something else?

CLIENT: The like instructions about the new or like a bill, I guess. Is that what it was? Okay.

THERAPIST: Um... (LAUGHTER)

CLIENT: (LAUGHTER) Because it was explaining the new like situation with the copay and everything.

THERAPIST: Right. So things turned out to be a little different that what I had thought. Not in a bad way, just in an administratively different way. So bottom line is that so Blue Cross is going to pay me what they'll pay instead of paying you directly. [00:01:01]

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Which would mean all you would owe me is what's left over after that and the recordings.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Which would be... I think is on the order of like thirty bucks a visit.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Something like that.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: So I can send you the exact amount.

CLIENT: Okay. That would be helpful. Yeah. Great and then I could just bring you a copay. And then I would just bring a copay. And then I would just bring a copay?

THERAPIST: There's a few ways you can do it actually. One thing that I forgot to mention to you is if you want... With some people, I'm writing down, I'm taking a picture actually of their credit card and then I'll just bill each week for the copay so we don't have to take time here to do it.

CLIENT: Okay, yeah.

THERAPIST: I'm happy to do that.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: That's probably easiest for me.

CLIENT: Mm hmm.

THERAPIST: Or if you...

CLIENT: That's easiest for me too probably.

THERAPIST: Will that work?

CLIENT: Mm hmm.

THERAPIST: Okay. So then if you give me your credit card now I will take a picture of it.

CLIENT: Okay. [00:02:01]

THERAPIST: And...

CLIENT: Like right now?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And then I will...

CLIENT: (SIGH)

THERAPIST: Yeah, so the exact amount would be... I can send you an e-mail with the exact amount over the weekend. Or actually what will probably be easier is I'll tell you about what it would be right now. We've met probably six times this year.

CLIENT: Mm hmm.

THERAPIST: So on the order of a hundred and eighty bucks.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: And so I guess my... I can just bill your card for whatever the exact amount is over the weekend...

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: ...and have the credit card payment thing can automatically send you a receipt.

CLIENT: Yeah, that's fine. But you can charge... Like you can do... Like you'll do for all those sessions that we've had already.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah, that's fine.

THERAPIST: Is that okay?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Alright. That works better.

CLIENT: Yeah. Yeah, that works well. [00:02:59]

THERAPIST: Okay. Good. And then it'll send you a receipt so you'll know the exact amount.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: Umm...

(PAUSE)

CLIENT: Check to make sure because the numbers are a little worn.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: So make sure on the photo they show up.

THERAPIST: Okay. I'll do that, yeah. (PAUSE) (inaudible)

CLIENT: (inaudible)

THERAPIST: Yep. Okay. Cool. Great. All set.

(PAUSE)

CLIENT: Right. Okay.

THERAPIST: That's good and you don't have to worry about any of the billing stuff.

CLIENT: That's great. Thank you.

THERAPIST: You can just get receipts probably every week with that amount for that week which will be about thirty bucks.

CLIENT: That's great. Thank you.

THERAPIST: Sure. [00:03:57]

CLIENT: Great. So, so I had told you last week I think about that big argument I had with Stephanie (ph) about my birthday. So last night I went to dinner with her, Aidan (ph), and Lucas (ph).

THERAPIST: Mm hmm.

CLIENT: And we were sitting at the table and, I don't know, I ran my hand over it and like did this or something and like ran my hand over where I had bumped my head. And it still hurts a little. Like it's still a little painful, you know. And I like just said something out loud like, "I can't believe it's still... Like it's still healing," or something like that, "Still hurts a little," or something. And then Aidan said something to the effect of like, "Should we go... Do we need to go to the hospital?" Which indicated obviously Stephanie had told him about like this thing that we had, right? So I was like, "No." And I was like, "Nope. Already went. It's taken care of," like making light of it. And then he was like, he was like... And then he started it like, "I mean, we didn't know. We didn't know." And I was like, "It's all good. All's well that ends well." And then Stephanie, on the side of me, "See you're doing it again." [00:05:05]

And I'm like, "What?" She's like, "Saying that kind of stuff and then Jillian (ph) told me at the restaurant that you didn't even tell her about the Benadryl. Something's weird. Like what's up with that?" And I was like, "Stephanie. Like..." She's like, like attacking me again. And Aidan and Lucas are sitting there like awkward. Aidan's just kind of sitting there. Lucas is like inclined stick up for me but like also doesn't really want to get involved. And I was like, "I think we should just drop it. Like there's nothing really more to talk about. Like I don't even know... I didn't tell Jillian about the Benadryl? I don't know. Okay. Whatever. Like..." (PAUSE) And then I asked Jillian. She was like... I was like, "Why did Stephanie just bring up something that you guys discussed about my birthday and used it against me in like a really confrontational way." [00:06:01]

And she was like, "Was it the Benadryl?" And I was like, "Yeah." She was like, "Ah, I knew it." And she was like, "I don't know. I mean, I don't remember saying anything about that." But I'm like, "But who cares? It's irrelevant." And I'm like, "I don't know why she's fixated on this, on the Benadryl, on the whole thing." She's like, " I don't know. Maybe she feels guilty." I'm like, "Okay. But we talked about it and we had this thing last week. Like why is she hung up on this and why would she like then..." What does she think, there's some conspiracy theory like that I didn't tell Jillian about the Benadryl and something's weird about that. You were talking about it with me but... I mean, so? Maybe I fucking forgot. Maybe Jillian forgot. Maybe... Like who cares? It's irrelevant. The whole thing is irrelevant. It's over. And why is she fixated on this Benadryl issue? Like because she doesn't want to feel guilty at all like for not like watching how much I drank or whatever? I don't know. But it's really like, "kay, enough. Can we move on, Stephanie?" [00:06:57]

Like... And literally, she was... The all's well that ends well. I think she felt it was similar to water under the bridge that she got so infuriated at. But all's well that ends well. Like... It's just a saying. There's nothing malicious behind my saying it. I'm literally saying, "We're all set now. Everything's fine. Everybody's happy. Nobody's mad. Why are you still mad?" I don't know why... And it's very disruptive. I literally was inclined to get up and walk out. And I was like, "Fuck. We're in Aidan's car tonight. I can't leave." But I probably would have left if I had my car. I would have been like, "Maybe I'll come pick you after you guys are done." Like I really... There was no reason for me to stay here and have to be attacked like this. "It feels like brutal, Stephanie. Like we're in a restaurant and you're like in my face like... Why wouldn't you just wait to bring it up later maybe? Like, ‘At the restaurant when you said that...' Like instead of calling me out in front of people, embarrassing me." [00:08:03]

Like it was very... I don't know. I don't really know what to think about that and then like everything's fine after. Well then she accused me of having a weird vibe and then I took out my phone and I was being all weird. And of course I was being weird because I was fucking heated. But I was like, I was like, "What are you talking about? Like no. I... My phone vibrated. I took it out. We're fine. Like did we drop it? Did we move on." And then afterwards... No. And then I got annoyed at Lucas because like Stephanie was like, "La, la, la, la, la, la," in my face, in my face. And then she finishes her thing. I'm like literally like, "Okay. We can drop it now." Like not saying anything. And then Lucas's sitting there and he's watching it all take place and he's like, "I need to go to law school. Ha, ha, ha." And then Stephanie's like, "Ha, ha, ha." And she's totally like satisfied with herself because he said that, you know, because she's a lawyer.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: So he's like, "Oh."

THERAPIST: Yeah. [00:09:03]

CLIENT: Because she's like

THERAPIST: Yeah, yeah, yeah, chewed you out.

CLIENT: Right. And I said, "No, that was really shitty. Like, really?"

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And he was like, "Well, you know, I mean, I didn't want like just like be only sticking up for you. Like whatever." I was like, "Then, don't get involved. Like, do you understand what just happened?" And he was like, "Wait. So she was catching a weird vibe? Oh, you convinced me that there really was no weird vibe. Good job." (LAUGHTER) I was like, hopefully I convinced her because I didn't want to fucking deal with her. Because not only is she yelling at me about the birthday. Then she's accusing, attacking me for giving a weird vibe and being weird. "Like Stephanie, it doesn't resonate at all with you that maybe I'm giving a weird vibe because you just verbally attacked me like at a dinner table? Could it be that maybe that's why and maybe you shouldn't attack me again to like prolong the weirdness?" Like... She's at this is how she's been for our entire friendship and this is why we weren't friends for so long. And honestly I don't care anymore so if she had been serious and if she really wants to be mad at me about something. [00:10:03]

Like... And if she brings up this birthday thing again, I'm really... It's... I'm not participating in her conversation. I told Jillian, I was like, "Listen, if she brings up to you if anything was said at dinner, like please, please do me the favor of don't, of not... Just say, ‘I don't want to discuss it," or say, ‘Eh. You know, it's okay. We don't have to talk about it," or whatever. Just because like it's not... It doesn't need to be talked about anymore. It's okay. Whatever. Like... I was really mad at her. It's like she has to be like... I don't know. It's like she's very judgemental or something. I don't know. And I got really mad. And then (SIGH) last weekend... God. Was it Friday or Saturday that we decided to go out? We like went to one place where there was a really long line and we left. We went to another area where it was all long lines. Then we decided, "Oh, let's go down to that place that's down by the waterfront because they haven't been there and whatever. So we go down there. There's parking, which is great. We walk it. [00:11:09]

It's an older crowd, which is, oh, we realized it's an older crowd and we understand why because of the location. Student like... Younger people that live in the city aren't going to come all the way over there, like don't have cars or whatever. But like the lighting was weird in this bar. It was like too bright. And it's like... The layout was really weird and it was loungy with just like kind of lounge generic kind of music, kind of housey (ph) music, you know, whatever. And it looked like it might be kind of a fun place with a group maybe. But, but all the people were unattractive. Like they were all unattractive. Maybe some of the girls were attractive and the only attractive guys were with the attractive girls. So... Or yeah.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I had a drink, which I only drank like half of because it was a cocktail that was sweet. You know, I was like, "Meh." Which is good though because like I wasn't like, I didn't like chug it and then want another. So that's fun. Stephanie goes up to the bar to get herself a second drink and she like shimmies in like, in this spot that's like kind of between where these two guys are sitting. [00:12:05]

One of them is like short, like shorter than us, like in our heels and like out of shape and like tiny hands that like when Stephanie was like... Well so... And his friend was like a fucking caveman. Like I don't even know. Like gross. I'm like forty. I don't even understand. So she like starts conversation with them because she's getting her drink there. Like she just... This is what she does. She talks to these fucking losers just because she's bored.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: So then she's standing there for like... First of all... And then we like we get introduced. The short one has like really soft tiny hands that like I wanted to vomit and then the other one had really ugly fingernails. Hands have like been a thing for me. (LAUGHTER)

THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)

CLIENT: Actually Stephanie used to get really angry at me because I'd like completely rule people out from talking to them because I didn't like their hands.

THERAPIST: (inaudible) Yeah.

CLIENT: It's a thing.

THERAPIST: I guess so. [00:12:59]

CLIENT: But anyway, so that already and then...

THERAPIST: Soft hands or little hands?

CLIENT: Yeah and like or ugly fingernails and hands or just like... And then the Neanderthal one just held on way too long to the point that I literally yanked my hand away. Like, "I've had enough of touching you." Like... And then he's like, "Ooh."

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: So Stephanie's standing there for twenty minutes while I'm like standing on the sideline being like bitchy friend. I guess neutral, my mom said I should be if I neutral, my mom said, it I don't want to talk to them. But then it was bitchy because I was annoyed because she's standing there chit chatting with these losers who I know she has no interest in. The neanderthal one smells like cinnamon and it' like making me want to throw up. And then Stephanie's like... So then we started talking about it after and she's like, "No. Because I'm bored and I just want to talk to whoever will talk to me." And I'm like, "I'm the opposite. I don't want to talk to anybody unless I am attracted to them or there's something that's (inaudible) and she's like, "Gosh. There's got to be..." And her thing is like she's just too, "Like, oh, I'll talk to anybody. Who knows." And I'm like, "I'm not going to talk to anybody." [00:14:07]

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: And we're like... There has to be a middle...

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: ...area there...

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: ...that we haven't figured out because she does talk to these guys and then like... Because I'm like explaining to her, I'm like, "Stephanie, but then they think you're interested. If you're not interested and you're doing it just because you're bored, they don't know that. They're like, ‘Wow. This girl just came up and started talking to me out of the blue for twenty minutes and now we're exchanging business cards. Cool,' like hello. You know? And then I'm as your friend, then it's like they are like, ‘Oh maybe they're both interested in talking to us,' and then I have to like play the sidelines when you're not even... I would play the sidelines with an ugly friend if you were actually interested in the person you were not talking to."

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: "I'm not going to play sideline with the ugly friend that you're not interested in the person you're talking to."

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I mean, it's just not... It doesn't make any sense. I would never ask her to do that, you know? So it was kind of a bust. I mean, I think it was a successful night because we kept like pushing forward when we had no success with a couple bars. We were like, "Let's keep on trying." So we ended up and we went out and we didn't...

THERAPIST: Mm hmm. "This was a good college try." [00:15:17]

CLIENT: Right (inaudible) crowd was shitty.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: But we're going to try this area again actually this weekend. A different bar. And, you know, see how that goes. And in the meantime, I want to hear back from one of these jobs. Well, I heard back from the really low paying one.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: That I didn't get it.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Which is great. They made the decision for me. Fine.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Then I haven't heard back from the one I Skyped interviewed with yet. And then I applied...

THERAPIST: That was the executive assistant one?

CLIENT: Yeah. And I...

THERAPIST: (inaudible)

CLIENT: ...followed up twice now. One with... First with an e-mail then with a voice-mail this week.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Then last... I had also applied last week for another position, an assistant position. [00:16:03]

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: And I had e-mailed that woman that I've been in touch with...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: ...at the university who's in development and asked her about the...

THERAPIST: Who you spoke with last year. Yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I asked her about the position and she said I should apply. So hopefully that means she going to help get my resume towards the top of the pile. We'll see. I mean, you never know because they could have internal candidates. You know? But anyway, I followed up with them this week via e-mail just to reiterate my interest in the position. And then I applied for a couple more positions. One, for a manager of grants that's really close. And another one for Executive Assistant also. [00:16:57]

So there seems to be a lot of job openings that are kind of popping open, popping up so I'm just going to keep applying, you know, and hope to hear something soon I guess. And then in the meantime, in the meantime... So Lucas every year is involved with the... He's involved with the Community Center, the center here in town.

THERAPIST: Mm hmm.

CLIENT: Because his dad has like always lived down around there and he's a big part of it. So Lucas's always been involved. And every year they have a... Well, this will be the eighth year. And they have the Children's Festival which is a free festival in the community. It's basically to raise money for the community center.

THERAPIST: Where is this?

CLIENT: The downtown district.

THERAPIST: Okay. Yeah, I know where that is.

CLIENT: Like all of that area.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And it's like, the whole place is like the community center is, and the museum, the museum is in at trying to restore an actual community because it's only a neighborhood really and it's a lot transient with the doctors and the big condos and the...

THERAPIST: Right. [00:17:55]

CLIENT: So that's the kind of goal to restore it as a community that area because it was part of the urban... Shit. What is it? Something like redevelopment or something like that in the mid last century where they kind of like tore down all these kind of like tenement type housing where there was a lot of families and things like that and (inaudible) big immigrant neighborhood. Actually, Jews were, besides, I think, Irish and Italian, the other, like the second biggest population in the area.

THERAPIST: Hmm.

CLIENT: Like... And a pretty much... It was like a big Jewish central area up until like World War II or something like that, or past it or something like that. But anyway, so because it's like all been changed down there, it's just like... They're trying to keep it... So this Community, the Children's Festival, Lucas needed a co director and so I'm going to do it with him.

THERAPIST: Mm hmm. [00:18:57]

CLIENT: And I'm really excited because it's a really good part of my, I don't know, resume or cover letter or whatever because I'm doing fundraising and it's going to be really excellent.

THERAPIST: (inaudible) as well?

CLIENT: No. He doesn't. Just for this.

THERAPIST: Oh, okay.

CLIENT: So but he... That's what he wanted, need as co director...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: So the girl that did it the last two years, her mother is involved in the community center. But she's in college and she's a senior and she's going to be applying for jobs and this is in the summer that it happens. So she's not... She didn't want to do it again. She already has it on her resume and everything. So... And she did, was responsible for all the fundraising end of stuff and some of the other organizational things. And I mean, this is like right up my alley and in terms of the actual like sponsors and repeat sponsors and vendors and all that stuff...

THERAPIST: Sure.

CLIENT: ...it's kind of like just like driving a ship...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: ...like in terms of what I would have to do to back management wise.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And this is what I do for a living so this is... I could do this with my eyes closed.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: The fundraising stuff is something I haven't really done but it's good that there's already kind of a base...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: ...there for me to start and I think it's going to be really good... It's going to be really valuable experience for me...

THERAPIST: Mm hmm.

CLIENT: ...career wise...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: ...especially if I end up in a position where I am going to be in development or doing something I haven't done before. This is going to be really valuable. We talked about obviously that I might leave and...

THERAPIST: Right. [00:20:05]

CLIENT: ...obviously is not psyched about that but feels confident still be able to...

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: ...you know, help from over there and also come back for the actual weekend...

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: ...that the festival happens. So that's really exciting. That's something that is going to take up a lot of time which is great because we were talking about, you know, like not knowing how to be alone and not having so many activities that I do.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: So this is going to be really great for me. So I'm super excited. And then the next three... Like, so this weekend I was going to go to Chicago but we want to start getting our sponsorship packages on Monday for this festival thing. So to start getting people on board and plus it's going to snow so I'm going to stay here and work on that stuff and whatever. And then next weekend I'm going to... My friend Jackie's husband is planning a surprise thirtieth birthday for her where he's like rented like, you know, a stretch Hummer. [00:21:05]

And it's like, you know, we have a set price. It's like a set kind of sixty bucks a person and we're going to like go out and stay at her favorite restaurant and some hotel like out by the (inaudible) or something and like have dinner and then come back and go to like this nightclub and do the party or whatever. Actually it's the same nightclub where I had my birthday party so that'll be interesting to be like, "Oh, I don't remember this place at all."

THERAPIST: Mm hmm.

CLIENT: And actually be able to have fun so that'll. So that'll actually be fun because I'll get to redo what I didn't get to do one my birthday hopefully. So that's next week and then the weekend after that is my little brother's bar mitzvah.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: Which is going to be a whole weekend of stuff just because...

THERAPIST: Sure.

CLIENT: ...my stepmom's family is in and people are here from Chicago and the whole thing. And then the weekend after that I... Looks like I might be going on a trip with my stepmom ad my little brother and maybe my older brother.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: Because... So we have family there because that's like where the (inaudible) went like first...

THERAPIST: Okay. [00:22:09]

CLIENT: ...from like Austria and Poland, I guess. Then they also went to... Then obviously some came to... Like my grandmother and her sister came to Chicago. Some like ended up in Israel. And then some ended up in France, actually. And then we have in England a bunch of people that are my dad's first cousins and stuff. And then... So his cousins have kids now and one of them has twins, boy and girl. And they're more religious so the girls don't get bat mitzvahed but the boy does and so Connor (ph), his bar mitzvah is the weekend after Jesse's bar mitzvah.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: So I think we're planning on going. Well I guess my dad... We weren't really sure and I guess that we want to do it but my dad is not sure he can... Listen to how weird this is. He's not sure if he can go because he has a patient who apparently has a lot of problems or something and it's that weekend is the... The time of the trip would coincide with the anniversary of an abortion she had like years ago that every year, they like light a candle and like say some words of rememberance. [00:23:09]

THERAPIST: You mean he does with her.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Uh huh.

CLIENT: And he like is not sure that he can leave because it's this weekend. It's like over that time. I was like, "What?" He was like, "Because I have this patient." I was like, "Well what do you mean you can't leave?" He was like, "Well because she had abortion..." Or like I didn't understand. I was like, "Oh, well that makes sense, I guess. You want to be there just in case she likes freaks out. He he was like, "No, no, no. She already had it years ago. She just..." And I was like, "What the fuck?" And then I was like thinking about my own situation and I was like, "Oh my God. Like I'm really kind of... I don't have that kind of attachment to the fucking abortion where you like named the baby. Like... And do like a remembrance ceremony with your shrink." I'm sorry. I know I'm like being an asshole. (LAUGHTER)

THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER) [00:23:57]

CLIENT: Like it sounds a little fucking nuts. Like maybe... Well thank God probably she didn't have the kid in that case (inaudible) well anyway. So he might not be able to go so I guess he's now offering it up. And I'm like, "Really?" The tickets are nine hundred bucks. He's like, "Yeah. Whatever." I'm like, "Dude. So you're going to spend fucking seven grand on us to go to England. Spend that on my credit card. Buy me a house." (LAUGHTER) I mean, not really because obviously I would go on the trip. But it's just like this is how he is with his money. It's very like...

THERAPIST: Capricious?

CLIENT: Uh huh. He'll like spend x amount on this but then he's like so frugal on other ends of things. I don't know. I mean, in a certain sense, it's like, yeah, no one I learned how to spend that way and now I have credit card debt. Because it's like... [00:25:07]

THERAPIST: I think you may be on kind of a tear.

CLIENT: What do you mean? Of people? Like what do you mean?

THERAPIST: Like... (PAUSE) Well you sound like kind of ripped and annoyed and critical of all these people. (LAUGHTER)

CLIENT: Yeah. Well I am feeling critical.

THERAPIST: Yeah. I'm not, I'm not trying to make you feel bad.

CLIENT: No. (LAUGHTER) No, I don't think you are. I mean, yeah. I'm critical of lots of people. I mean, I think I'm feeling still annoyed at like Stephanie from last night.

THERAPIST: Uh huh.

CLIENT: So maybe that's why I'm kind of like feeling critical, I guess. I mean...

(PAUSE) [00:26:00]

CLIENT: I mean, I almost feel bored and so like easy to be really critical of everybody I talk to because I'm really irritable because I'm bored. I mean, I'm less bored now with this Children's Festival thing because it does give me something else to do.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: But at the same time, right now I'm... There's not much I can do with it like right this second. We're going to the community center tomorrow to look at look over files and get templates and look over the budget and we have a meeting with the... Apparently it's a compensated thing too.

THERAPIST: Nice.

CLIENT: Yeah. Which I don't care. I'm not in it for the money.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: But I think I might make a grand or something.

THERAPIST: Nice.

CLIENT: Which will be a nice little...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: ...summer bonus.

THERAPIST: Mm hmm. [00:26:59]

CLIENT: I mean, I'm still really bored at work. Like I just... (PAUSE) And I mean, okay, so like at work, right? There's this like Brazil trip coming up that like I should be excited for. I mean, I think I'm kind of not because I'm also applying for jobs and so I'm not really sure... And I'm feeling nervous about, Okay, it's getting to the time where we're going to have to buy our tickets."

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And I'm like getting nervous about committing to that whether or not I get a job... Let's say I get a job and I have to tell whatever job I get, "Listen, I've committed to this project and I can't leave until it's over."

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Or... But then there's still the issue of I'm then leaving as soon as they've paid for this big trip...

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: ...for me. So it's nerve wracking either way. And then we have another conference, a big, big conference coming up next fall that we have to really start probably planning for. [00:28:01]

But those two things aren't like keeping me going because I still on top of those things have all this day to day bullshit that I've been doing and I'm so sick of that's the bulk of what I do. You know what I mean? Where these isolated trips to Brazil, big conference coming up are more isolated but are also still more of the same in essence, you know? Another big conference, more nametag. Like, I don't know. Maybe it's just because I'm just bored with the place that I'm at, I guess. Because I still want to be doing these events. I just want to be doing them somewhere else or for somebody else or at a different department or with different people or something. You know what I'm saying?

THERAPIST: Mm hmm. (PAUSE) I think...

(PAUSE) [00:29:00]

THERAPIST: I think you're also pissed because you're feeling pretty unsupported. Like Stephanie for example... You had this horrible evening, threw up, bumped your head...

CLIENT: I didn't throw up.

THERAPIST: Oh, I'm sorry. I misremembered. You were in the bathroom and fell down.

CLIENT: Sorry. I didn't...

THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)

CLIENT: No, I pissed my pants.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: But that was why I said that because it was so bizarre that I didn't throw up. Okay. Anyway.

THERAPIST: Okay (inaudible)

CLIENT: But (inaudible)

THERAPIST: (inaudible) yeah. My... (LAUGHTER)

CLIENT: (LAUGHTER) Hello. Totally different bodily function.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: (LAUGHTER)

THERAPIST: So my point was you had this horrible experience.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: And all she can do is give you shit about it...

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: ...give you a hard time.

CLIENT: Right. [00:30:05]

THERAPIST: She wasn't there for you that night and she hasn't been there since and she's been giving you crap about it and... (PAUSE) You know, and you're not having an easy time more generally and you feel like she's not there for you and I thinking about kind of like she was not really kind of ruining or at least not helping your night the other night be fun...

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: ...or exciting or what you wanted, like she was dragging you down.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You really need... I think you feel like you really need to go out and have a good time to help you feel better about things.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And stuff with your dad too like (inaudible) this trip but like...

(PAUSE) [00:30:57]

THERAPIST: He's apparently being incredibly supportive of this patient and supportive of your trip to England but he isn't all that supportive to you I think in a lot of other ways you want him to be.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: I don't know that you... From what you've said of him, and I may be wrong about this, I don't know that you feel he'd be supportive, as supportive of you as he's being of this patient in some ways.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Which I imagine felt hurtful and infuriating.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: And... (LAUGHTER) With me, you know, I don't know. I don't quite get the impression you're angry with me like I'm not supportive. [00:32:01]

It's more like, "Ethan. Do you see all this shit that I'm dealing with? See all this crap from all these people? Like, hello. Is anybody going to be here on my side?" You know?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: That you're sort of maybe lawyering a bit.

CLIENT: (LAUGHTER)

THERAPIST: And, you know, making a case to me for why I should be sympathetic and understanding and nice and here to really take your side because nobody else really is. Or not nobody. But not in anybody you talked about...

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: ...has anybody taken your side.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So I think, I think that's how it feels. It's like you're kind of making the case that I really should take your side in all of this because nobody else is and it's pissing you off and...

CLIENT: I mean, I don't feel like nobody else is taking my side completely.

THERAPIST: Mm hmm.

CLIENT: I mean...

(PAUSE) [00:33:00]

THERAPIST: I don't know what it is actually. I mean, Stephanie definitely is... She does make me feel like that because it's not even about taking sides. It's like about continuing to berate me about something that happened to both of us but to me when I don't really now what...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: ...she's looking for me to...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And it doesn't feel like supportive of like, "I hope that doesn't ever happen to you again," or whatever even though I know she feels that way. (SIGH) (PAUSE) And yeah, I mean, like my father... It is angering that, "I want to send you to England but I can't go because I have to stay here for this patient. But, you know, you're also on your own with like all this money that you owe and even if I could help you, I'm not going to necessarily." [00:34:05]

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Which... I don't know. Because, I mean, it's like, it would make my life easier. But then like I have the automatic like guilt driven thought of like, "Well, but why should he be there to make my life easier?" Or like, "Why should anybody?" I guess.

THERAPIST: Hmm.

CLIENT: Like, "Why should I be so lucky?" Or something.

THERAPIST: Hmm.

(PAUSE)

CLIENT: And I mean, that's a result of not really having probably being taken care of in my relationships that I'm like, "Well. I have to take care of everything on my own as usual. Like I'm doing everything and taking care of everything as usual."

(PAUSE) [00:35:00]

CLIENT: And I'm just antsy in general. (PAUSE) And like I'm tired of like being the only one that like cleans my house. Like it's not even like I'm living with a boyfriend anymore. Now like a grown woman.

THERAPIST: Still just you.

CLIENT: You know she used four rolls of toilet paper over the weekend for her nose that was running because she was sick? Like this goes hand in hand with the using of my toothpaste. [00:36:01]

It's like, "Dude. Like buy some fucking tissues, A. And B, like four rolls? Really, really?" I think probably throughout the week she probably used six or seven. Like I... Like they kept going. And I was like, kept refilling the toilet paper thing. Like, what the fuck? And finally she must have hoarded three rolls in her room. And then finally I saw she bought some tissues but like... It was just kind of like... This is not... I mean... And the drawer's still stuck. Did I tell you about the stuck drawer? There's a drawer that's stuck, a utensil drawer. And I've lived in that apartment for two and a half, over two and a half years and I've never gotten that fucking drawer stuck and it's now stuck and she was the one that got it stuck and because it wasn't stuck the last time I used it and I was... This drawer has got me like so worked up because I cannot for the life of me get it open. Like I was like slamming it. Like yanking it. Like I don't care what I break right now. [00:37:01]

Like I just want to open the fucking drawer. And I'm so irritated at the roommate and everything... And she like... Eww. She must have had dishes in her room. She had like all these tupperware containers that were in the sink and had mold in them. I was like, "Really?" And the toothpaste. She's using my toothpaste. And she used the butter again except for this much. Like all of it. So that's also why I'm antsy because I don't necessarily want to be at home. Like...

THERAPIST: I think you're antsy and you don't want to be at home because you don't want to totally lose your shit at her or at something house.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Like I think you're, I think you're infuriated.

CLIENT: Yeah. I am. But like...

THERAPIST: And worried about not being able to control it...

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: ...and lose it. [00:37:55]

CLIENT: And I'm also not good at approaching these kind of situations. I always end up sounding somehow bitchy or too like authoritative or something. Like I can never figure out how to approach these situations correctly.

THERAPIST: I don't think you lack...

CLIENT: But it's also really awkward. Like...

THERAPIST: ...the cognitive abilities to figure out how to approach these situations. I think you could maybe get carried away because you're so God damned angry.

CLIENT: Well and because it's so dumb.

THERAPIST: You feel very, and I'm not saying correctly, but feel very righteous. And...

CLIENT: But I also feel petty.

THERAPIST: ...taken advantage, taken advantage of.

CLIENT: Well, yeah, for sure. But I also feel really petty.

THERAPIST: You do?

CLIENT: Because it feels like I really have to talk to a twenty nine year old woman about like, "Do you need more toothpaste?" Like I... Like, "Please let me know if you're going to use my toothpaste." It just seems so fucking retarded. Like... I mean, obviously she's using the toothpaste so I'm going to what? Be like, "Oh. Are you using my toothpaste?" Or like, "Did you run out of toothpaste." [00:39:07]

Like... And then it's like, "Oh, yeah. I figured that was cool." And then it's like, what? Like, "Yeah. It's cool if you tell me ahead of time." I mean, I bought it if we really want to be specific. I also bought the toilet paper which she's probably going to replace with some like organic one ply cardboard shit.

THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER) (inaudible) crap.

CLIENT: Like... (SIGH) Just it's... You don't... We don't have that level of a relationship. That's what it is. We're not friends. We're not like longtime roomies where this has like been established and this is how we've been doing things. Like if there's something new that's going to start happening in terms of the sharing, I think you should ask. I mean, like, I used her half and half one morning and literally sent her a text message, like, "Hey, Mindy. I used some of your half and half. I hope that's okay." Just because I would want somebody to say it to me in which case I would say, "Of course!" [00:40:07]

And then maybe it's established moving forward that's fine. I mean, she did finally say like, "Yeah, I meant to tell you..." Like because I like asked her if I could use some of her salt. She was in the kitchen. She was like, "Yeah, I meant to tell you (inaudible) in terms of like dishes, I figured like if there's something... I've just been washing whatever's in there." I was like, "Yeah, me too. Like perfect." She was like, "Mostly, you know, I've been using your olive oil. I have another one in there (inaudible)we can start once that one's done and, you know, like..." And I think I was like, "Yeah. That's cool. No problem. And the butter... And I saw the butter," or something like that. Like I threw it in somehow. But like this is why it's so awkward because like we can have those kinds of discussions but ahead of time not when you left me this much butter and not said anything to me or not replaced it ever. And then I replaced it and then you used it again until it was almost up."

(PAUSE) [00:41:00]

CLIENT: The toothpaste thing is weird. Like it just... Because we started with her buying it. She had her own toothpaste and then she ran out and it was like (inaudible) here.

THERAPIST: Right. Right.

(PAUSE)

CLIENT: And she doesn't like take the initiative to like clean. Like is she just sees like... Like the floor has crap all over it. I just... So swiffer it. Like... I don't know. It is infuriating when I don't know how to approach it because I will lose my shit or just sound really awkward or downplay it too much because I'm trying not to lose my shit and then it just... I'm like... It's just weird. So that's what I'm kind of going with like I just would rather not say anything. (LAUGHTER) [00:42:01]

THERAPIST: Right. Well I think you worry you're going to get embarrassed...

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: ...if you turn something that you have a right to be kind of upset about into something that you're overreacting to.

CLIENT: Right. Which is very reminiscent of Franklin (ph) and how he used to always like make it seem like I was going bananas for no reason...

THERAPIST: Mm hmm.

CLIENT: ...or making a huge deal out of something that really wasn't a huge deal.

THERAPIST: Mm hmm.

CLIENT: You know? (PAUSE) And I'm feeling... And I found Franklin's Instagram. Like I can see it.

THERAPIST: What's that?

CLIENT: Oh. (LAUGHTER) It's like a stupid... It's like another social...

THERAPIST: I've heard of it but...

CLIENT: ...networking where it's just like photos. Like you take a photo and it's just like, oh, cool effects, like it looks old fashioned or blurry...

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: ...or something.

THERAPIST: Right. Everybody has kind of a photo board.

CLIENT: Yeah. It's like Facebook but photos. [00:43:01]

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: It's super lame. (SIGH) It's just another device for him to be really creepy and flirt with girls online. (LAUGHTER) I'm sure. Well, I had found a Twitter account that he was Twitter creeping. He had a Twitter account and was like flirting... Like I saw him flirting messages with this girl that stayed with us when she was in town because she was there for a dance, like in Hungary. Retarded. And I found the Twitter and there was some picture of him like in the mirror with the cell phone like without a shirt like fresh out of the shower with his fucking abs like, "Almost at my goal. Like one more month and I'll be there." And I got infuriated because A, yeah, now that you're not with me you're like... Not that he was to work out to look good in general. Like... Well it just made me look bad. Like... And who puts fucking... You're twenty nine years old and you're putting shirtless pictures on the Internet. Really Franklin? And I also got infuriated because it looks like he has an iphone. [00:43:57]

Like it looks like an iphone and I just bought him that God damned Samsung Galaxy S3 in August. Shit was like three hundred dollars. And we got the new phones because we got the new phones and then he wouldn't go out... Sold it for probably five hundred and bought himself an iphone. Fuck you. Give me that money. I'm still fucking paying for it. (LAUGHTER) So that made me infuriated. It just like everything. The pictures of his food on the plates that I gave him. And I'm like, "Oh, you delete all of our pictures but you're eating off of the plates that I provided you with." And like a picture of a like a Celtics t shirt that was laid out on the bedspread that I bought him because his new room was too cold. Just like all that. And that got me really mad. And just that whole thing just like, just the fact that three years I've literally turned a blind eye to lying and like believed him when he was lying about the lying.

THERAPIST: Hmm.

CLIENT: You know and I just kind of get mad all over again. (LAUGHTER)

THERAPIST: We have to stop for now.

CLIENT: Okay. Well that's (inaudible) for today. Hopefully I'll (inaudible at 00:45:07) next week.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: See you Ethan.

THERAPIST: (inaudible)

CLIENT: Have a good weekend.

THERAPIST: Thank you. You too.

END TRANSCRIPT