TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: Let's see so we're on today and then there's -

CLIENT: Not Friday or the following Friday.

THERAPIST: I'm just making sure I've got it all right. Okay.

CLIENT: So I went to Chicago and spent it was nice to see Nora and I'm like so tired and just want to sleep forever. And then today's Passover Seder. I intend to do that, which I am not thrilled about and I guess I don't mind the Seder not much but I just would rather be home relaxing. And then tomorrow night I guess for the second night my dad we're going to make to family friends' houses to people that, like the little girl is the same age as my brother that I babysat for her for awhile. (Yawns) And they're having the first night. And I guess tomorrow night my dad's friend's house who like we've done Seders before. Like his old friends, like his old people friends. And he was like, 'and you and Michael can bring a friend to that if you want.' And I know that they're going to go and was saying that this girl, who I guess is the daughter of one of his friends that Jesse and I don't know and I don't even know how old she is and I don't even know like well, I don't care that she's going to be there. It doesn't make me like, 'oh, well now I'll go.'

And then my mom, she usually goes to her family's friend's houses who we've known forever but I don't know this year. Maybe they're not there or something. She said she doesn't have anything planned for either night, so I asked her if she wanted to do like a makeshift Seder and she was like, 'well, I'm not going to do all the stuff, like I'm not going to cook and do a whole Seder.' And I was like, 'no, no, no. Maybe I'll just come over and we have matzo ball soup.' So I think we'll do that tomorrow night which will be nice to have (unclear) to hang out with her before I leave and everything and I'm just being really busy at work and I got really frustrated today because I'm constantly frustrated with my assistant, the events and office assistant, which I may have talked about before but it's just like I pinpoint that it's not that she's incompetent. It's an issue of resourcefulness and being resourceful.

So like, for example, she comes in today and is like, 'I'm sorry but I'm having trouble with the fax machine,' and she was like, 'we put it in this way but I don't know if that's the right way.' And I was like, 'no, it's not. You have to flip it upside down. Like see how this diagram on the fucking tray of the fax machine has a picture of the corner flipped up with the writing on the other side?' Like every fax machine ever invented since the 1980s, whatever? And I literally wanted to say that. Because like, really, Melody (sp?) like you're this is real, like you're really asking me this and you also really couldn't sorry, that's the (unclear).

THERAPIST: Okay.

(Pause): [00:03:28 00:03:37]

CLIENT: Like she really couldn't figure that out? Or like last week she called me and said, 'oh, somebody is asking about graduates' like graduate student programs 'and I don't know who I would direct this to.' I was like, 'sounds like a question for our Student Services Manager, like graduate student. She's been here since November. And then she'll ask me things and like literally, I've literally sometimes been like, 'hold on, let me Google that for you.' Like -

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And she should be embarrassed. (Pause) And I don't think that she thinks about it. Like she doesn't use her resources. She has binders. Like administrative binder and events binder that have almost every answer that she needs. Some of them need thinning like all right, fine. We'll do it when we have the chance. But be fucking resourceful. Don't ask me for every little thing. I don't like to make micro manage. You said in your interview you don't like to be micro managed so I believed you and then we have the reviews coming up.

So meanwhile I got my review before I left on Friday. Like my review we didn't do like our review yet. Like my personal assessment yet. But I got a glowing review. I mean every category was thank you was leading performance except for one which was strong performance and they all, like it was, I almost feel like she had to put something, like she needed to put something that could be an area of improvement somewhere, but basically, like it was all really nice what she said about me, very complimentary about me and everything. But basically what it could have said in short was, 'Trina has mastered this position and everything that goes along with it and could teach it ten times over and has nothing else to learn from it.' Like that's the so it's timely in the sense that it's kind of her assessment of my performance and how I do in my role is reconfirming what I already figured out for myself which is that I don't have anywhere else to go in this position and I really learned everything I can from it. [00:05:41]

So what's good about that, it 's going to make it an easier conversation and leads me to believe that she'll understand why I'm leaving if I get a position to. You know, like she'll understand. It'll make sense for why we'll want a higher position. So that was great. Anyway I have to do Melody's (sp?) and I'm really nervous about it and so Vivian (sp?) and I are going to talk about it and we're going to have her do her personal assessment first, send it to me and then Vivian (sp?) and I are going to go over it together and talk about it and decide so on the 18th of April. These are due maybe May 3rd or something. On the 18th of April there is like a workshop that I signed up for for like "Challenging Conversations of a Manager." Maybe I should recommend that Melody go to one of the like I think there are sessions for people who are performing reviews and just people who want to know more about it so I'm going to suggest she goes because I'm sure she's not really ever had an evaluation ever, or performance review.

But I'm nervous about it because she sucks, kind of. Like it sucks to have to like hold somebody's hand. I mean I'll be interested to see what she thinks about herself and also in the personal assessment like there's a place for her to comment on me as a manager a little bit, which will also be helpful to get that feedback first. And then we go over both of them in person. But I got so frustrated today because I was asked to make a poster and I haven't done this in a really long time. I'm not a graphic designer and like this used to be kind of part of my role but then we kind of like got somebody else to do it. Now we don't have somebody to do it so people have been doing their own posters which has been great or we've just been doing a Word document and printing them up on our like logo paper. Which is fine and easy. But then Delia, our art's program director, asked if we could make a poster for this concert she has coming up in April and she sent me the images and the logos she wanted on it and I was doing it and I was getting really frustrated because I'm not great at Photoshop, I'm very basic. I got annoyed because Franklin (sp?) used to help me out with this Photoshop project and that was really helpful and I don't have that anymore. [00:07:47]

So it wasn't like I could just come up with something quick or whatever. I was like getting annoyed like I literally was like so irritated at the situation and Melody hadn't cleaned up the pizza and then the fax machine question and all this stuff and I like had to go into Vivian's (sp?) office and close the door and vent for a second. She's like a child. Like I just am so frustrated and I think what put me over the edge was that I was writing the e-mail like here's this poster that I just created let me know what you think and anticipating the e-mail back like, 'looks good, but can we do this and this and this?' And it's like, 'no.' Like I just spent an hour and 45 minutes on this time that I needed to be doing other things like I'm not going to do any more. Like if you want to fix it then send the Photoshop files to somebody and they can fix it if they have Photoshop. Like this is the extent I put the information and the images that you asked for into a fucking thing and it's a jpeg like take it or leave it. And I told her that and she was like, 'yeah, absolutely acceptable. You did something for them and that's great but if they want it (unclear) you don't have the time, like you're leaving in three days.

THERAPIST: Yes.

CLIENT: But I'm just feeling I'm just frustrated in general and she's so busy with events and for the people that have their events it's like for them maybe it's the same thing over and over again but maybe not really because the content is different and they care about the content. But everybody thinks like their event is so important like it's so important to them but like I have five events so like your event I don't care like I don't really care about it that much. So when you're putting all this like worrying all about like the room and we reserved, and 'oh, but what do you mean you have the colloquium in here? We reserved this for the art installation.' Like what happened this morning, I was like, 'oh, so I totally have the colloquium.' And then she says, 'well, but we reserved it the whole day.' And I was like, 'oh, like sorry, like we always have it in here. Maybe I just like forgot.' And like I just didn't care anymore. I wasn't like apologizing to anybody else. Like, well it's going to be an hour and a half and then you can come back and finish installing. That's what it is. You know. And of course the guy who was installing was like, 'oh, we'll be done by 12. So it was like, 'oh, but it's my event, you know?' But for me it's just like the same thing over and over again. Yeah. Because I'm dealing with logistics and I'm dealing with the catering and I'm dealing with the artists and worrying about how many people are going to come because they want it to be a good event, I'm like figuring out where to store the chairs and who's going to help put the tables away and who's going to be there for this event while I'm at the other event and I'm just feeling very frustrated. And I mean I'm also on edge because I haven't heard back from the folks about a possible second interview and I'm nervous now that maybe I shouldn't be going down there even though I'm like I think it's fine, whatever. And I'm a little worried about well what if my flight gets delayed or something and then I have the trip to Brazil. All these little things that I'm like anxious about because it feels like I have these four days here and I have so much to do in those four days like including packing and because I basically have to pack for Brazil and I haven't decided if I should just bring that with me because if I get stuck somehow and need to fly from Houston, so I'm trying to think about all that and like there's Passover and I just feel very overwhelmed I guess and this is like the gist of my feelings for right now and you know. [00:11:26]

So I'm not really sure what to do with that. Just feeling a little overwhelmed, I guess. I mean, nothing, just like keep going, but -

(Pause): [00:11:34 00:11:42]

CLIENT: And I have a meeting tomorrow morning with the guy that I've been like talking to that works for HR -

THERAPIST: HR, yeah.

CLIENT: But he told me he would feel comfortable talking to me about because I asked him and he was, 'oh, of course, you know, absolutely.' So that will be good. I'm going to get his opinion on if I get offered a second interview, you know, should I tell my job now? Should I wait? Like, I don't even think I'm going to tell I don't even know if I want to tell her that I'm going to Houston because I'm afraid that she'll be afraid that she'll be afraid that I could miss the flight or I don't know. I don't even like I don't know. I didn't even want to tell her that I'm like even if I explain it that I'm going because my family's there and they wanted me to come just for the weekend, I feel funny about telling her because I'm afraid she's going to be like if you don't get your flight? I don't know.

THERAPIST: So, what are you going to do? Call in sick, or -

CLIENT: Oh no, we don't have work on Friday.

THERAPIST: Oh that's right. You had mentioned Good Friday. Right.

CLIENT: So it really doesn't matter anyway.

THERAPIST: Right.

(Pause): [00:12:44 00:12:50]

CLIENT: I don't know. The overarching theme is just overwhelmed and lots of stuff that I'm thinking about.

THERAPIST: Sounds like the overarching theme.

(Pause): [00:13:01 00:13:28]

THERAPIST: You seem a little more kind of anxious or hesitant with it, like with me somehow. I mean -

(Pause): [00:13:35 00:13:44]

THERAPIST: You don't usually peter out about stuff that quickly. In other words, when you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed out or upset or worried like you usually have kind of like a lot of inertia but you sort of went with it for a few minutes and then stopped. You chew your nails. You're kind of like talking about the overarching theme. You seem unsure what else to say. Which is, has been a which seems atypical to me.

CLIENT: Right. Maybe I'm tired, it's like I don' know, I guess I feel kind of exhausted and -

(Pause): [00:14:25 00:14:29]

CLIENT: And I mean I just or I don't know, I don't know. Yeah, I mean think that's a solid observation but I don't know. I'm just feeling -

THERAPIST: Would you rather be somewhere else?

CLIENT: No. Well tonight I'd rather be somewhere else. Like, not at this moment.

THERAPIST: (Laughs) You're saying you don't want to continue (unclear) for the rest of the evening? (Laughs)

CLIENT: No. I mean I think you're sensing that I want to be somewhere else like tonight I don't, I'm not excited about having to go to the Seder after this (unclear). You know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: You know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Like I -

THERAPIST: It's not me.

CLIENT: No,

THERAPIST: I didn't think it was me, personally. I don't mean it that way.

CLIENT: Right. Right. Right, right, right.

THERAPIST: It wasn't about being here, is what I mean. It's about Seder?

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:15:16 00:15:21]

CLIENT: I guess. I don't know. I mean it's like maybe like less in my little planner like stuff I need to do this week, stuff I need to like when I'm going to pack. When I'm going to do my laundry, because like I don't want the week to get away from me because I mean it's going to be very (unclear) because I'm leaving at 5 in the morning like I think maybe I'm feeling nervous about like the whole Houston thing and like I shouldn't have done it. Not like applying for the jobs like going there to meet this woman and take advantage of my cousins being there and whatever. I mean I think it's good that I am going. I think it will be fun and worthwhile in the sense of like the University of Houston and seeing my family and whatever and it is a good opportunity to like if they do want to have a meeting with me for this job that I applied for, then that's great and I have a free place to stay as opposed to just going down for an interview and nobody's there and having to stay in a hotel and the car thing, you know. So there's that, but I think maybe I'm just also feeling a little stressed about it. Just because it is putting me in just a tighter place in terms of packing, preparing for Brazil and you know it's a lot of travel.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I mean it's exciting and I think it's fine and I think it will all work out. But like I planned it and was all excited and now I'm just kind of okay, well this is a lot of stuff.

(Pause): [00:16:53 00:17:13]

THERAPIST: Are you feeling mixed about where your life is at and worried about that coming up at this Seder? I mean a Seder seems like the sort of thing where you see people in a way kind of what they are doing and what are they up to and where things are at and -

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean luckily, the people at this Seder I think pretty much all of them, actually, because I went to the bat mitzvah, her bat mitzvah the little girl's bat mitzvah was in December and so one of the women who is usually at the Seder was at the bat mitzvah so had the opportunity to ask me about my boyfriend and then feel bad when I told her that, you know -

THERAPIST: (inaudible)

CLIENT: Yeah. And Karen's parent's, but I'm not sure will ask for Karen will be tactful and ask them not to ask ahead of time, Karen being Sarah's mother like the woman. Because she knows, and we already talked about it and whatever and so not as much, but I mean, yeah, there is something about okay, another Seder, Franklin's (sp?) not there this year for the first time in three years and I'm still not married and I'm still at the same job and I'm still like in the same place and so it's one of those like, 'oh, still at school?' Still living in Waltham? Like, still blah, blah, blah? How's your roommate? How are your cats? Like kill me. So yeah, there's a little bit of that. I mean it definitely going to be, would be worse if I were to go to the Seder tomorrow night because those people are old and don't fucking like I feel like old people don't think about stuff like they just like don't because they're so involved in their own shit that's like these people will some of them like at my brother's bar mitzvah party 'oh, so you're still (unclear)? No. Like haven't the last four times you've seen me. So it would be much worse if I were going to the Seder tomorrow and I just have no patience. At least I mean, I like Karen and Nathan and they're like younger and cool.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: As opposed to my dad's elderly friends who just are like out of nowhere. (Sigh). Well, yeah, there's a certain level of that and -

(Pause): [00:19:17 00:19:36]

CLIENT: It's just another I don't know, yeah, I'm feeling (Pause) I don't know, just like I'm -

THERAPIST: Are you feeling pretty alone?

CLIENT: A little bit, yeah. Like, what do you mean? Like in what sense are asking or thinking?

(Pause): [00:19:57 00:20:14]

THERAPIST: You know what's going on with work, with the job interview, with thinking about moving your life down to Houston, with you know, the Seder, and just sort of nobody in all that with you.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I was thinking about that the other night actually. Like how even if like my friends are all excited and my family is excited and blah, blah, blah, it's still and I mean there's a certain level of like satisfaction that comes along with the whole like I'm doing this all by myself thing and like feeling good about not having to worry about involving somebody else's plans and how somebody else is going to get a job and how somebody else is going to fit into an apartment. You know. So there's definitely a great deal of satisfaction and far less stress than there would be if I were planning it with somebody else. But to the same extent it does feel that much more like lonely I guess because nobody is actually sharing it with me.

THERAPIST: The thing you're not including in there is that if you were actually doing it with somebody else they might actually help out.

CLIENT: Well yeah, I didn't include that but that's right. But like if Franklin (sp?) stuff was not (unclear cross talk) I can't but right, exactly. Like -

THERAPIST: Right. The part about having somebody else it would be more stressful because then you'd have to (unclear) what they'd want and then you wouldn't be in charge of it.

CLIENT: Right. But if it were a normal person, I mean, then it could be somebody to help me with like all the last minute things I'm doing before I leave. Drive me to the airport. Or feed the cats so I don't have to figure out who's going to feed the cats while I'm gone.

THERAPIST: Right. Or help you pack.

CLIENT: Or help me pack. Right. Absolutely. Yes. Change the sheets so I don't have to. You know, like all this stuff that I have written down in my planner.

THERAPIST: Right. Yes.

CLIENT: You know, like get oil. Like, whatever. Yeah. It's a lot.

(Pause): [00:22:12 00:22:18]

THERAPIST: Maybe that's some of it too in here is it's hard to talk about being alone. I'm going to talk about being annoyed and I'm going to talk about being frustrated, maybe even nervous about something like the interview. But maybe, in other words (Pause) maybe it feels like there's some way that I sort of, I really can't help (unclear) helping, but I like sort of involving me to sort of explain it, I've probably got a couple of practical suggestions, you know, you make it clear how you, in a way, you don't feel on top of things and in the way I'm sure you are but in a way you don't feel it it's all up in the air, I think. And that kind of uncertainty is not so easy to sort of share with me. Like, and that's the way you're really not feeling together, I think.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: I'm not saying you aren't together. I'm saying that you (unclear) feel somewhat at loose ends and I guess I'm sort of analogizing to how you sort of it didn't occur to you to think that if you were doing this with somebody else they could actually be doing some of the work with you even for you.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: So that wasn't sort of your go-to idea about it and I imagine I wondered I think some of these feelings of being at loose ends and being overwhelmed like those are kind of your own and you've got to deal with them. You don't imagine and nor do I that I would be able to help you out with those anyway.

CLIENT: Right.

(Pause): [00:24:28 00:24:35]

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I've just been feeling I may be in general, I think, I'm sure. Yeah, I mean (Pause) I guess I just, I feel like I don't know, I'm just I am, I'm very on edge and the things when I think about things like in the longer run right now like short term but long run, like okay, about the job. Like if I don't get it, I don't get it. I keep applying, like whatever. But then it's like (Pause) I don't know, I guess like job offer or no job offer it's just a really busy couple of months and I'm feeling stressed about it. I mean as simple as that. I mean I think I'm also feeling irritated at it because I feel like at work even at work there's that alone feeling. It's like if feel like I'm on my own with all this shit because my assistant is not really acting competently in terms of showing me that I can trust her without being there or trust her to do things so that I can do other things or -

THERAPIST: In a way your manager is leaving you not exactly on your own, too, but I guess what I have in mind is in a way that's not her fault you're doing the job that fits your job description. But in another way, like, she's not helping you move along. She's not sort of assuming more responsibility or saying, 'okay, great, you can do this and now try to do that.'

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Or, whatever.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Again, like I don't really know if that's sort of like if she's kind of in a way doing wrong, but it's still really annoying.

CLIENT: Yeah, and it's something that we went over at my review last year and she basically was honest with me in that she would try to include me in as many e-mails and correspondence as possible but when it really comes down to it,

Betty is the development coordinator and so she's really the one that needs to be training in all of this stuff.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And like in a kind of an "it is what it is" way.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And the fact that my assistant this time around has not been what I was expecting or hoping for in terms of having somebody to kind of pass the torch a little bit more and giving more responsibility to, and so because of that I have had less of an opportunity to put myself out there to make myself available to do other things. So instead of having to wait for Vivian (sp?) to give me more responsibility and say, 'okay, I have the time for this now because I've given x,y and z to Melody, so can I do this or this? (Cross talk)

THERAPIST: (Unclear).

CLIENT: Exactly. Or just double checking her. I mean, like I shouldn't there should never be no posters left. Like we have posters for all of our stupid fucking events and we put them all on this table like in our foyer area so that people can come and take the fucking poster if they want to go to the event. We also two or three times a week have our high school intern come in an post the posters up. There should always be enough posters, whether it be posters on the table and posters for Charles to go poster with. It should never be me going to get the rest of the posters for Charles which is a small amount, clearing the whole thing so that she has to print them all at once. Like this is something like that she should already be doing and I have to remind her every single week. And it's really frustrating. I mean, this is not and to be perfectly honest her attitude makes it seem like she hates the job and she hates everything she does and it's all shit and yeah, it is. You're in admin, like you're a freshman in college like suck it up. You know?

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: I don't know. And you know, I'm not here next week and we have a bunch of events and I've gone over everything with her but I just feel I don't know, like I feel like she's constantly resenting me for some reason. That's really how I feel. And that's really frustrating because then quit. I don't know. Like or tell me. And I check in with her and like ask her I don't know. I don't get it. Like if you don't like you job but you're making yourself seem worse by always asking a dozen questions about how to send a fax, like -

(Pause): [00:29:29 00:29:38]

CLIENT: Like these phone calls. Like just figure out where to route these phone calls. Like don't put them on hold and call me probably hoping that I'm just going to transfer it to me and I'll take care of it.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Because it's almost as if it sometimes feels honestly like when I give her the answer, like oh, okay, I'll try that. Like it's just like, oh. Or, maybe she is resourceful and just like doesn't give a shit. Because I'll say the simplest things like, 'did you go search.' Like she's like, 'oh, I can't find this file.' And so I'm like, 'okay, I'm going to open the G drive, I'm going to open the events file. I'm going to go into the search file and take in the word that you're looking for. Oh, look here it is.'

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Why do I have to walk her through this? Why? She probably knows more technology than I do. She's you know, six years younger than me. (Pause)

So right, so I'm on my own feeling now at work, too.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And it's not Vivian (sp?) because yeah, I think she could give me more but I'm she tells me she worries you know like, 'I don't want you to feel like I'm not, like I don't check in with you enough or we don't meet, or whatever but I just feel like you are just so on top of everything that you will tell me when you need something,' and I was like, 'well, either way,' you know. And she is right.

THERAPIST: Yes.

CLIENT: And so then and I'm always kind of saying the same things to Melody. You know, I'll say, you know, 'how are things going. Let me know if you need help with anything. If you have questions about anything.' And she'll say like everything's okay but then I'm getting these calls about where do I call about a graduate student who is asking for information about the student center? Student Services. We have a Student Services per se. Why is it so hard to figure out? Like I had to explain to her like how to take a jpeg and paste it into a Word document so that we can print it on the border paper. That's really basic stuff.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: She's like, 'I don't think I can figure it out.' And I was like, 'I'll just do it for you,' because it takes like five seconds but you should (unclear) at least. It's very frustrating and I -

THERAPIST: I am totally but mostly because you can't rely on her even for very simple things and you get really anxious and work really hard to stay on top of all your stuff and partly in the expectation that she'll do the same thing.

CLIENT: Right. Like if we're out of like posters. They're going to come and ask me, 'hey, where are the posters for the (unclear)?'

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: This far into a position, I shouldn't that's one of the most basic things I mean this is something, like one of the first things that we went over so posters should always be stocked and we should always have plenty ready for the intern to post on the day of postering which is Monday and Thursday. Like she knows. And she took tons of notes when we were training and then acted like she didn't know. And I told her that I wanted her to, I was like, 'you know I don't think that we ever completed training on how to reserve space and all that and I wanted to meet with you.' And met with her and we went over all of it but I said to her, 'you know I think you can get started if you look in the admin binder. There's a page with all the links to where you reserve space.' And she's like, 'oh, okay well I will. Maybe we can look at it together because I looked through there and I couldn't find it.' Okay. No problem. Maybe it's not there. Like the page that I opened to where I know it is, and it's there. So I was like, 'so it should be right here,' and she's like, 'yeah, well I looked,' and I was like, 'there it is.' She's like, 'oh.' Really? Like she could have been like she e-mailed me while I was on vacation because she didn't want to reserve space or look up space. The link was in the motherfucking admin binder. And then it makes me feel like I'm a shitty supervisor, like I'm not explaining this stuff and I'm like, 'wait, no. I'm not crazy. I did explain this to her.' The information is there and easily accessible for her. It's just a matter of her looking for it and wanting to find out for herself.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I mean when I was starting my job I mean, I would look everywhere before I asked somebody. I would look everywhere and I would send something, 'hey, I found this but I'm not sure if this is the right one,' you know, because I want them to see, 'oh, wow, she's' you want your boss to know that you're doing well and that you care. And to me, like her performance is that she doesn't care how she does this job. And it really feels like that and I don't think that that's necessarily true but I don't know how to tell [00:34:27]

THERAPIST: (inaudible)

CLIENT: Right.

(Pause): [00:34:30 -

CLIENT: So there's this other level of anxiety of getting a lot of stuff done in these four days of work because I'm not going to be you know, I'm going to be in a two-hour time difference. I'm not going to be there and you know, I don't want stuff to get messed up but I've written out like written instructions. We met about all the events. I wrote like a whole sheet for each event, like typed up a sheet for Melody and gave it to her like all the information like and I'm still feeling like she doesn't know what the hell is going on next week. I still kind of feel like she's like up in the air like in outer space. And my whole idea of meeting with her last week was because the week's really only going to be four days so it was like we're going to meet this week so that when our minds are clear we can talk about all this, but I still feel like I'm going to have to review with her.

Which is really annoying,

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: I mean she should be like, 'don't worry. Everything's going to be good.' But instead it comes across as like, 'okay, and what if I, and what if this, and what if that.' And I'll just e-mail you if I have a question about this and I was like, 'okay, you can, but you know, I'm giving you these resources so that you can do everything possible before e-mailing me to ask me like everything possible.' You have all of this at your fingertips including the world wide web. Honestly, when if anybody every says to me, 'let me Google that for you.' I will kill myself, then and there. Like that's really just like, 'you're dumb.' Like you may as well be saying you're dumb. And I'm sorry if that means for her, but don't act dumb, then and you won't get mean things said about you. I mean, Google, like any you know how many times I've come in and she's like has Facebook open or like Buzzfeed.com or whatever, which is fine, like whatever. I don't care. Because I do it, too. We all do it.

THERAPIST: Right, but as long as you get stuff done.

CLIENT: But then have posters. Send posters. And we should have posters for months now. If you're on Facebook that means that everything is done. In my book. I mean, I go on Facebook if I have a break or if I've just done two hours straight at work and I want five minutes to like (unclear) somebody's baby pictures, like whatever. But it will be a random time that she's like looking up articles on recipes and I'm like, 'dude, there's no posters.' There's still pizza in the room from the event. I mean, now's not the time, you know, like I don't know, unless you're job searching, then fine, get the hell out of here then. And I don't like feeling this way about her.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: So, anyway. Just I'm do think that honestly, like despite being rushed and like doing the trip and going back and then going to Brazil and whatever, I do think that two days in like sunshine with like vitamin D and like fresh air is going to really do wonders because I haven't really gone anyplace warm for quite a while and I'm used to it kind of there for a little while because I think it's going to be a really welcome two days even though it's only two days I think -

THERAPIST: Yeah. A respite -

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. From the cold and you know.

THERAPIST: Are you looking forward to Brazil as well?

CLIENT: I am. I am. I mean I'm a little nervous about it just because I want to have everything done and I don't know. I'm looking forward to it. I mean I'm a little nervous with the people because I want because the other thing is they're sending me down there for this last minute really impressive trip so that I can plan and do that much better in May so I really want to like prove to them that I'm worth their investment in that regard which is like, again, why I feel so much frustration at Melody because I'm like so despite being sick of my job I'm still like I want to be the best of the best doing what I'm doing right now. And I don't get that from her and so it's hard to feel like and I know that Vivian is that way with work. And so her and I are very much on the same page there. And it's hard to be dealing with somebody on our team who doesn't seem like she really cares that much. And I don't I mean hopefully the review will and Vivian is like don't look at stuff calling it a difficult situation I mean a difficult conversation, you know like, she stated it somehow differently, I forget why. Because I was saying, 'oh it's difficult, it's going to be difficult, or challenging or whatever, and she was saying something like I don't know. Important or something like, I don't know. I mean I'm glad that I have her support and it's really great that you know she wants to make sure that I feel comfortable. It's just a lot. And like on the move and like going to New York. Like I'm glad I went because I really wanted to see Nora and I haven't really seen him since Christmas and it's just been way too long and I saw my god daughter and everything but I'm tired. Like I didn't get home until 9:30 and I didn't go to sleep so it's still like I'm driving. A lot of activity and then have to work and then Seder and then this meeting tomorrow morning and then I had a dentist appointment this morning and it's just a lot of running around.

THERAPIST: Yeah. Right.

CLIENT: And you know at 10 a.m. on Friday when I'm stepping out into 80 degree weather I'll probably be able to breathe for a little while. I mean the good thing about being so tired by the end of this week is that hopefully I'll not have trouble sleeping on the really long flight to Brazil. I don't want to be so exhausted that I'll be just knocked out.

THERAPIST: Yeah. We should stop. But good luck with the rest of the week and I hope you have a great trip.

CLIENT: Thank you. Trips, yeah. So yeah, and I guess if anything you have anything for early the week of April, should we e-mail?

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Is that all right. We should just plan on like April 11th.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: No. The 12th or whatever that falls on.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Thank you. I love it. (Cross talk)

THERAPIST: Do you mind if I charge your card for -

CLIENT: Yeah, I was going to ask about that when -

THERAPIST: Yeah, I'll do bills next week and I think we met totally twice this month so I'll just charge for whatever.

CLIENT: Yeah, that sounds good. No problem.

THERAPIST: Okay.

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