TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: I think we had two visits in March were the last ones. Is it okay if I bill your card for the I think it's 19-something.

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: (Yawns) It's been a few weeks I guess.

THERAPIST: And scheduling-wise are we going to be around for -

CLIENT: Yeah. Until May 6.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: The next couple of weeks.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Yeah. So I got back from -

THERAPIST: You had two trips, right?

CLIENT: Yeah. I went to Chicago.

THERAPIST: Or maybe three.

CLIENT: I went to Europe but I came back. Then I went to Chicago. Then I came back.

THERAPIST: Right. I think you were here then and then you went -

CLIENT: And then I went to Houston and then I came back.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And then I went to Brazil.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And then I came back. And Houston was good. I mean it was like four days so that was stupid. But it was good I the sense that I got there Friday morning. I met my family in the harbor which is like hysterical during Passover because it's like all these Jews just like migrate down there so they don't have to clean their kitchens but then they wind up covering the kitchen in the hotel room with tin foil anyway. It's not clean enough even though like this specific Days Inn, I'm sure some of the other nice hotels but we were at the cheap, low rent one. Some of my aunt's family was at like the higher end ones and some of them live there but you know, at the hotel they actually clean, like it's all suites with a little kitchen and they clean it for Passover because it's just like a destination for people and it was so funny. Like we were some of the few people who were like actually wearing bathing suits at the pool as opposed to sleeves and skirts.

THERAPIST: Yeah. Wow.

CLIENT: And I was like, I had no idea that this was the thing and like it's a thing. Like they just go there for 14 days.

THERAPIST: Wow.

CLIENT: Yeah. So I get there and you know, my cousins, everybody is waking up, whatever, and I rented a car and was really happy because it was just so nice. Just the weather after being in Europe and just having shitty weather here and then I went to meet them and then my cousin and her husband were going to have lunch at like this very well known, I mean it's like a touristy, it's like the place that everybody goes for Latin food. So we went there. So I decided to follow them and meet them there and I drove my little rental car because I'm bringing my clothes for the meeting at Houston because right? Like it would be fun then and I get to eat something and it is like pretty close to campus so it would be convenient. [00:03:04]

So I got of ate and ran because by the time we were done eating I had to go. I like changed in my car, put some makeup on.

THERAPIST: This is the meeting -

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: It was a meeting, you hadn't heard yet about a possible second interview.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: But you did have a meeting scheduled with the HR person you talked with last time.

CLIENT: Well no. It's with the Director of Events and actually the woman who I ended up meeting with, the Director of Events, she's the woman who got the position I originally interviewed for last year.

THERAPIST: Oh, (unclear).

CLIENT: She connected me with Marjorie Drew (sp?) who Marjorie Drew was then like, 'oh, I'm not -,' I told her because she had been telling me, 'oh, I want to meet you, I want to meet you. How long are you going to be there?' She said I can't meet with you so I met with the Director of Events instead.

THERAPIST: Gotcha.

CLIENT: It was a nice talk and we were just chatting about what kind of events they do, what I do, what I'd like to do at the University of Houston; why I'd like to move there, blah, blah, blah. And then she's like, 'well, that's great. And if you don't mind I'm actually going to bring in the Director of Advancement and Development for the School of Music and I was like, 'okay.' Like, fine, great, whatever. And then she comes in and she's like, oh you know, the east coast, whatever Northeast. And basically I guess, she basically said that she heard about me through Marjorie and through Dottie who is the woman who I had the phone interview with who wasn't there, who was on vacation so I couldn't talk to her. She was like, 'oh, I've heard about you,' and, 'tell me about yourself' and da, da, da. So I was and she seemed all excited about my skills and whatever I could bring to the table. [00:04:48]

I was expressing my interest in the position I had interviewed in and she was like, and I kind of had the sense that Dottie may have kind of been like, 'great, she's already meeting with Greta,' like let's pull somebody else in also, like call because I guess they do a lot of events with like the music school. Right. So there would be collaborators and they're all in the same offices in the development and events departments and so that was my sense because she mentioned, 'and Dottie told me about you as well and everybody was raving about you.' And da, da, da, 'very impressed.' Which was nice. And, but then she kind of was like, no, no, no, no, that position you could do with your eyes closed. You could do it in your sleep. We need you in events. We need you in events. So which is nice and very complimentary but it gave me the sense that she would then bring that back to Dottie like, 'she's great, but I think we should hold out for -'

THERAPIST: Great, but she's over-qualified.

CLIENT: A better position for her. So, meanwhile I wrote everybody thank-you e-mails and then I proceeded to fall asleep at the pool Saturday and get really burnt but oh well. And I was like, one day is like I needed the vitamin D I guess. But it was fun. I had fun with my cousins and stuff. It worked out and it was a nice chance for me to go hang out with them for a little while and get some sun and it was also good because like you know it could have been like actually, I don't care or something.

THERAPIST: But it wasn't.

CLIENT: But it wasn't. [00:06:18]

THERAPIST: And Houston was neat. So Dublin I like felt homesick and sad about like not having any current home and being so far from home for the first time without like Franklin (sp?) and blah, blah, blah. In Chicago I got sad because I hadn't been there in a while and like I always was there with him, like he was around for the whole time that they've lived in that house and whatever. So I got sad and also and was like crying one night in Dublin. Cried one night in Chicago. Didn't cry or feel sad at all in Houston and then felt bad in Brazil. And I told my mom that and she was like, 'well, that's telling, you know. Like you didn't feel like you were missing as much or something like that when you were having your short visit in Houston maybe you did when you were in these other places where you wouldn't sort of want to be living or whatever, or remind you, or whatever it is.

So when I got back I guess Monday from Brazil I e-mailed both the women that I met with and said thank you and it was great to meet you and I hope to work with you some day soon. I wrote to Marjorie and told her I was sorry I missed her and my meeting went great, blah, blah, blah and hope to see her next time and wrote Dottie and said, you know, I hope you're vacation week was good. I met with so and so, it was great. Hope to see you soon. So like did all that. Haven't heard from anybody. Well, except for Greta who was like, thanks for taking time out of your vacation to come meet with us. It was great to see the people. So I don't really know what's going on there. Okay. [00:07:42]

Then I was in Brazil and I was tired the whole time because it's really a long flight and then I like hit the ground running, working right away and I'm using double the brain power because I'm speaking in my second language as opposed to my first and understanding and whatever. So by the end of the day I was exhausted and I was so happy to go home on Thursday night like when I was down there. I mean like it was exciting to be in another country and there was nice weather and it was fun and nice city, whatever. But I didn't really get to see much and I just really after everything just really couldn't wait to come home. So I came home and had that Friday off, spent the whole last week I was just kind of in the house, doing laundry, like hanging out and it was really, really nice and relaxing. I came back to work on Monday.

In the meantime I had prepared, Melody, my assistant, to basically not really have any reason to ask me anything while I was away. I mean I was like, I'll be on e-mail but you know, just so that you because there's a delay because I'll be doing meetings and be in and out all day. You know, I prepared her. She asked me so many things while I was away, like some of them panicky, like I don't know how to do this. I'm like, check your fucking notes.

CLIENT: Am I remembering it right that she was the one that you had said the last time or the time before was asking you questions -?

THERAPIST: Right. No resourcefulness. Exactly, exactly.

CLIENT: So I did this whole preparation before I left and still, and then the feedback was like, 'what kind of it was a little messy last week. Like, one of the event days like stuff was late and she forgot to get the food. She e-mailed me what's the food for this event? I was like, 'did you look at the sheet I typed up specifically listing every single event this week with every single meal it needed?

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And she said, 'oh, oh, I'll check back my e-mails.' Like you idiot. Like, that's what you do first. You know? And like one day the kitchen I guess was like left a huge mess like stuff everywhere that shouldn't be happening ever. And I don't understand why she just like couldn't handle it. And then so I come in on Monday and she comes in at 12 you know, 'I've been feeling really sick, I was sick yesterday. Can I go home?' And I'm like, 'yeah, of course. Like, rest up, whatever.' So I did both of our jobs Monday for the rest of the day Monday and then both of our jobs on Tuesday and like how did I do everything more efficiently, quickly and how it's supposed to be done than she does on her own? Like, how is that possible? I mean to the point that I ended up staying late on Tuesday because there was an event and I was like, the person running the event had to go to a dinner quickly afterward. What? [00:10:14]

THERAPIST: I could wrong about her. I have no idea what's going on with her, of course. But I had an idea about what might be, and if it's true, it would be interesting like it would be interesting talking about you, if you had missed it -

CLIENT: What?

THERAPIST: Which is because a lot of this reminds me of like she's your you're her big sister or her mom and she really wants to reach out and hold your hand. It doesn't matter if she followed the instructions and you left everything in the same way maybe you tell your kid, okay, mommy's going out for a couple of hours but here's all the emergency numbers and here's what you do about this and (cross talk) so when she calls with stupid questions, not because she can't figure it out. I mean sometimes they're really as much because she wants to hear your voice -

CLIENT: No. Yeah. I get that part, too, and I haven't really figured out if it's like that -

THERAPIST: What's striking about it to me is, as least as far as work goes, kind of the opposite of how you are.

CLIENT: Exactly.

THERAPIST: And, yeah. You operate like mom's off on a business trip or something and you've got to really take care of everything in the house.

CLIENT: Yeah. Well, but which is not asking a lot. I mean, professionally speaking, okay? In terms of this job and this position.

THERAPIST: Absolutely. I'm not trying to make a comment about the sort of realities of the work or how dumb her questions are. Or for that matter, how capable you are and more like the sort of completely different opposite character, or sort of opposite personality traits.

CLIENT: Of course. I mean, yeah. What's difficult about this whole scenario is it's hard to give feedback about I don't know. We have the reviews coming up the week of May 3rd. I've asked her to complete her personnel assessment first and send it to me. I got my review. Everything was (unclear) performance, blah, blah, blah. I can do my job really well. Fine. So I'm not worried about that conversation but I'm really worried about this conversation because there's categories I don't even feel confident giving her the like "solid" performance.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And I ended up going to a training session at HR yesterday for like difficult reviews.

THERAPIST: Yeah, you told me you were going to.

CLIENT: So I ended up leaving early because I had some other stuff to do so left a half an hour early but the first hour was focusing mainly on people's questions about how to distinguish between strong and leading because they're so similar and you don't want to give somebody "strong" and make them feel bad. But, no, no, I mean differentiation on the other end.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: But it did provide me with some good materials and I listed the HR consultants available for asking one of them who I've been utilizing as a mentor and he wrote me that great recommendation letter and the whole thing. So I e-mailed him. Well, I did e-mail him that I was there like I stopped by to see him on my way out, but he wasn't. [00:13:27]

But I'm worried about the review and then my supervisor, had said, 'let's get the personnel assessment and then let's kind of talk a little bit about strategy together.

THERAPIST: The personnel assessment is (unclear).

CLIENT: (Unclear). Meanwhile, I (unclear) to our Executive Director. You know, because I had -

THERAPIST: She's my boss' boss.

CLIENT: Yeah, exactly. Well, our, all yeah, exactly. And she says to her that Trina's a little nervous about the review of Melody because she's, for example here's the report she submitted for the event listings, whatever, and this is her response: "so, is she going to tell her it's not working out?" (Vivian) (ph) was like, 'I'm not sure that she would go to that extent immediately.' And then I said to, (Vivian) (ph), "I think I should talk to my reunion rep before I, I mean "

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: I'm not even sure I have the authority to do something like that.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And for Glenda to just like, but that's like, that's how these higher levels, it's just like, 'okay, so are you going to let her go?' Like, no, no, no. No. We're going to ask her if she wants to do better. Like we're going to find out why she's not -

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: Persistent and see if she wants to be, or what? Because it could be also a case of not necessarily the whole mommy syndrome or big sister syndrome, which she is a little sister, so that makes sense. And I am her big sister's friend.

THERAPIST: Oh really?

CLIENT: Yeah. That's how she got the job, really.

THERAPIST: Yeah, I remember that.

CLIENT: Yeah, with the wedding.

THERAPIST: Oh. That's her little sister?

CLIENT: Yes. And of course she didn't know last night when I was telling her and was like, 'well, Blanca kind of like screwed up your friendship by fucking you on the vetting situation anyway so who cares. So (unclear) had a good point. But or is it that she really just doesn't like the job?

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: And it's like (unclear) I don't really care. I don't really sense that. I think it's more of a personality thing. I think it's just kind of more of a work style some sort of a disconnect in terms of how to get the work done and so anyway I'm nervous about that and I had a shitty week and I say that kind of like figuratively, but like a little literally because Monday morning I decide to make the bold move to like take the train all week and what do I see first thing walking around? Like I happened to glance in an alley and there's somebody shitting in the alley like right next to the sidewalk. Like, not even deep in the alley. And like so it was like this and I was like, (unclear) like I want to go home but then I'd have to walk back the other way and pass it again. AAAyyyy. So that like started my Monday morning. Like really traumatizing and I was like really, now? Really? This is really and of course then, Stephanie and my friend Tabitha are like making jokes all day like, 'what a shitty situation, like wow, you must really be down in the dumps.' You know? (Laughs) And like, 'shit happens!' Which is funny and it was funny, but it was not funny. Then on Tuesday I got towed because for some reason I looked at the sign five times to make sure it didn't say second Tuesday street cleaning and I saw Wednesday and it was Tuesday. Like, I don't know where my brain was. So my car got towed. So there was that. Mom gave me a ride to pick it up, whatever. So then I've driven the whole week and have not taken the train. And then also after the incident of having to see this guy shitting, the train was stopped for like 45 minutes and I was like standing there with like a thousand people and was like, 'I'm so sick of this.' And, 'I'll never take the fucking subway.'

And on top of that, Melody not being efficient and not doing shit and then me pretty much like being so efficient, she had the balls to e-mail me yesterday morning. I e-mailed her about these nametags for this event we had last night. And said, here they are completed. She had the balls to e-mail me and say, okay, blah, blah, blah, and I hate to ask you this, but since you won't be working on this, do you mind cleaning the utensils from the event last night and making sure everything is tidy? And I'm like, 'first of all you idiot, I tidied everything last night because that's what you do when you work an evening event. You clean it up at night.' B. There are literally three utensils in the sink. Like you put like the tongs to like take the empanadas and like a spoon we use in the ice bowl. And like there's three utensils in there. And third 'oh, you mean, because I've asked you to do a part of your job, can I do this other part of your job?' Sure I'd be happy to. Why can't you do both? I was like this is I don't even understand. Again, that's why I'm like, is it a (unclear) thing? Like, this is never something that would come up I would never think to write something like that. [00:18:22]

Like, 'and so Vivian (sp?) you want me working on advisory committee stuff. Can you like book space for this event next week?' Like, what? It doesn't make any sense. You've been assigned something that's part of your job. I'm not giving you something that's part of my job. Not to mention, I don't know why she can't get any I just don't get it. In the meantime, I went in and had wine with Vivian (sp?) actually on Tuesday. That's what I did. Wednesday is when I stayed late for the event. Because Tuesday I had to wait for mom to get out of work to drive me so I went to Vivian's house because she lives close by and we had some wine and we were talking and she was like, 'do you kind of feel like, do you feel like you're done with the center?' And I was like, 'yeah.' She was like, 'no I feel like that's appropriate and right and you should. I mean, really, you've revamped events like hugely for the center and really contributed a huge amount and you're a leading performer and it's time for you to move on. And I was like, 'great.' And so she asked me if I've started looking if I've looked at any jobs or whatever. I didn't feel comfortable telling her already just because of other implications in terms of her job and where this puts her position (unclear). So I told her I want to move and I had focused on jobs at the University of Houston and she thinks it's great and it's such a good thing and you know I can put oh the application like okay to contact her employer yes. She is happy to write me a reference letter like told me to find a faculty member to advise me you know, one of the faculty members I work with. I should find out if they can be a reference or write a letter of recommendation for me and all this good stuff. So that's great. The day before or the day of that conversation I applied to a new position posted on the University of Houston which I ran by my mentor and he said I could probably do that with my eyes closed and it looks great. And it's Assistant Director of Programs for Student Activities and Organizations and it would be running all of the late night and weekend activities for students, which would be so fun. And it could really put me in a position to meet lots of different people because I'd be working with multiple organizations within the university. You know the student events, the activity center, sports, athletic department, fraternities, and I think it would be really fun. It's working with a lot of big budgets which is why I sent it to Gavin saying, do you think -

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: But I think between my experience working with budgets, my experience at the hotel which when I tell Becka, who is my reference there, I'll just (unclear) like obviously lie and tell her why I never met her quota, like 'oh, she always met her $85,000 a month quota, like did great, you know? Which she'll do because she's my friend. So, and then, and it pays more. So the top of the one that I applied for and had the phone interview for like the cap on the pay grade was like $55 or something, which is already like three grand less than I make now. The cap on this new position is like 65. So I can easily ask for my salary now or like 2 to 5% higher. Which is much better.

THERAPIST: That's great.

CLIENT: So I ended up finding about the posting on (HireRight Jobs.com) (sp?) and it was like screwy. The salary was different and the pay was different but the description was the same and the position number was skewed like flipped around. But I was like, I'll trust the one on University of Houston website, but the one on the Hirer ad had the name of the hiring manager, the contact. Perfect. So I e-mailed him (unclear) so we'll see what happens with that but I mean I'm kind of at this point just like feeling like, okay, just give me a job already. Like, obviously I can do these jobs. I mean I think that more jobs are going to start coming out now that the semester is ending which is great.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Vivian's (sp?) only thing was like as long as you come to advisory committee, like I don't care if you leave before then. Like if you get a great job just negotiate that you are working in Brazil from the 6th to the 12th, like that should be in your hiring whatever. I'm like fine. And she said you know, keep me posted on things, but don't keep me too posted because if you start interviewing I'm going to feel obligated to tell Glenda. So that's kind of what she meant and so I haven't even told her I applied yet and I will probably wait until I was offered an in-person interview as opposed to a phone interview to tell her anything.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: But it's good news and it takes a lot of the pressure off my whole decision making process to know that she's totally behind me and supports this and agrees. [00:22:40]

THERAPIST: Good.

CLIENT: So now it's just a matter of getting a job and moving and you know. My latest anxiety about it is about the cats and moving to a smaller space and if they're going to get traumatized or if they're going to be depressed because the space is too small or they're going to try to get out or if the trip down there is going to screw them up and like how do I get them down there? Do I drive? Is it better to drive or is it better to fly because it's only three hours and I can get them in the litter box but then if it's three hours like they're going to get traumatized on the plane and like hate me forever. This is my latest thing. My latest like -

THERAPIST: Worry?

CLIENT: Hindrance like maybe I shouldn't move thing. But in the meantime I hate my roommate and like I'm so sick of having such a huge apartment to clean and deal with and it's like, enough already. And I'm so annoyed at the fact that every dish that she washes I have to put back in the sink and rewash because it has some sort of a film or greasy or dirty or gross. (Cell phone tone) Sorry. So, I think of that and then I think of what I'm doing and it would be so much better but then I think about the cats. Then, my office mate brought this up the other day, brought to my attention that I hadn't thought of which was like has Franklin (sp?) like asked about the cats at all? O like dropped off any cat litter or cat food or anything like that? And I'm like, 'no.' And she's like, 'what an asshole. He was so sad about the cats and oh I love the cats, I love the cats and he hasn't even checked in to see if they're alive or like healthy or offered to give you some cat -' and I was like, you know what? That's true. Like he really could have. Like, 'hey, I'm going to drop by some litter.' But no he couldn't. He couldn't have.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: A normal person could have. And then I guess he shows up like there's some setting on his Facebook so that some of his posts show up on my friend's thing still. Like we're supposed to (unclear) I don't know. And so the latest was some posting that was like wine tasting to our complements like you're a moron of my favorite person, tagged with (unclear). Some overweight looking chick another white girl like dude, take a step back and who, four months after a devastating breakup oh my God, I'm so sad, I miss everything, I want to be back with you. We could have made it work. Well, four months later he's with his favorite person, misspelling "compliments" and tagging her and making over me in another picture. And I'm just kind of like, 'really?' Like he probably had her lined up. Like, gross. And I mean part of me is hurt by it because it's like it's (unclear) like I don't know what the hell is going on. And then part of it is just I think it's like another confirmation of why I was smart to leave him. I mean even if I were dating somebody, I wouldn't be putting it on Facebook and calling them my favorite person. It's just very in keeping with his whole attention seeking co-dependency. Gross. I don't know. I hate him. Like I hate him.

THERAPIST: I know.

(Pause): [00:26:14 00:26:26]

CLIENT: I mean he literally said to me, "you know, Trina, if we don't work out and whatever, I'm probably never going to get married or be in a relationship any time soon at all."

THERAPIST: Okay.

(Pause): [00:26:33 00:26:47]

CLIENT: And it was his birthday this week also.

(Pause): [00:26:47 00:27:00]

THERAPIST: I think you're kind of jealous and this (unclear) with Melody because I think you're jealous of the way they can let themselves be taken care of.

CLIENT: What do you mean?

THERAPIST: Which is difficult for you which you, because you don't have anybody to do right now.

CLIENT: Well yeah, that's true. And well, Melody said to me, 'Vivian (sp?) can take care of me,' like -

THERAPIST: Like, and she did in a way.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: But like ah (Pause). But it's different. Maybe it's a little like with me, how you are with me, in that after you had dotted your "I's" and crossed your "T's" and sort of (unclear) your position, and done everything right, you know, she was decent about it. You know? She was like, you weren't asking for anything special. You were leaning on her because you were having trouble with something. You weren't sort of going to her with something difficult. You had taken care of all your stuff and had everything in order. She recognized it and appreciated it that you had outgrown what you were doing and then was decent about the fact and agreeable about you moving on. Like, that' not quite leaning on her. Do you know what I mean?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: She took care of you in a way, but it wasn't sort of you leaning on her.

CLIENT: Yeah. She didn't really need to do anything beside be like I agree with your decision but clearly you've already made -

THERAPIST: Yeah. And I'm not saying she should have done anything -

CLIENT: Right, like no, no.

THERAPIST: And (Pause) I guess I get the sense of it as I kind of struggle with me a bit where you feel some tension between like wanting help or wanting support or want to be sad or upset or feel lonely or having a hard time, but at the same time it's not that easy for you to sort of present yourself as being kind of less than on top of things in your life which in a lot of ways you are. I'm not saying you're not or you're misrepresenting yourself. Only that I think you tend to sort of emphasize that in a way that's kind of reassuring and maybe avoid sort of leaning on me about things that you're struggling with.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And I think it's probably because you get worried that I believe that you're a mess or that I won't want to be (unclear) in some way.

CLIENT: Yeah. Well, what do you think? You mentioned Franklin (sp?) and what has that got to do with me like he's already with another girl he's calling his favorite person and so leaning on someone in that sense or like dealing with the loneliness by just finding someone else and not dealing with it or something?

(Pause): [00:30:47 00:31:01]

THERAPIST: Kind of like Melody. I don't think you want to be like her. I don't think in reality you wish you were like that but I, in a way, I think you kind of admire the balls on her to ask you something as ridiculous as what she asked you just because that's what she wants and she's the center of the universe and whatever.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Do you know what I mean? Because I think there's something about that that you -

CLIENT: Because I would never want to do that. Because I would be like, oh, my God, the person I'm asking is going to be like, 'you're such a fucking moron.' But it's like the thought doesn't even cross her mind. Like, it's not even like an issue. Like, 'I'm just going to ask Trina.'

THERAPIST: Right. And you might for you it might be well, I just had a heart attack, I'm on the way to the hospital, I'm in the ambulance and I'm not going to quite have time to make these calls about this huge event we're having tonight, would you mind making them for me?' You know?

CLIENT: Exactly. Exactly.

THERAPIST: I'm sorry, you know, I think (cross talk).

CLIENT: I'm so sorry (cross talk).

THERAPIST: I'm hopped up on four meds and I'm not going to be able to get them all in.

CLIENT: (Laughs). Right.

THERAPIST: (Cross talk). Yeah.

CLIENT: It's true.

THERAPIST: Yeah. It would be like, 'oh, my God,' I called her in that situation, is she going to think I don't have my shit together?'

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Right. That's the difference.

THERAPIST: And I went to the beach today, would you mind doing my job for me because (unclear).

CLIENT: Basically. Basically. Right. And then yesterday I said to Stephanie, I was like, you know, these are the kind of weeks and days and stuff where I really, it would be nice to have a guy to go home and kind of vent to a little and have a glass of wine with and cuddle with on the couch and hang out with. And her response and it was kind of like 'oh, do you even know what that feels like, Stephanie, because you're dating Aiden, basically?' And her response back to me was like, 'you know I really think the source of your negativity and unhappiness is just you're bored about your job. Have you considered looking outside of Hire Right? I was like, 'what?' What does that have to do with anything? I said first of all you're right. A lot of my negativity does (unclear) the fact that I'm really bored at my job. No. Looking outside of Hire Right is not going to change anything because I want to work in Hire Right, I just don't want to work at my job. And 3 that doesn't change the fact that there are still some days that regardless of being bored by my job or not that it would be nice to have a guy to cuddle with. And you know, of course she completely avoided the fact that she has no idea because she's since her breakup, been hanging out with Aiden, and a guy calling me to go out to dinner and she'd be like, 'okay.' You know? So that really pissed me off. She sucks. She's the worst break up buddy ever. [00:33:40]

I mean I haven't seen her for a week and she got home from Chicago on Sunday night and I was like you know I could pick you up from the bus and we could have a drink or we could just go to your house, whatever. Nope. She made plans with Aiden and stuff and didn't even tell me about it. I found out from him because I went over to their house to hang out for a little while because I was bored. Like, "really? You're seeing him first thing because he's your boyfriend." Like (unclear). And then (unclear) tells me how weird it is because they're like not affectionate ever but they hang out like 24/7. Like they don't kiss hello. They don't hold hands. They're not like cuddly not much on the couch but like sometimes. She said, I don't get it. I don't either. Anyway. It's just been a hard week. I've very excited for it to be Friday and you know I think it's just been a really busy time at work and with everything going on. (Pause) [00:34:36]

This morning was nice because I basically told (unclear) was out and I told Glenda -

THERAPIST: So if you're having a hard time and things are bad let's be clear that the circumstances are in other words like -

CLIENT: Exactly.

THERAPIST: There are very good reasons why you're having a hard time.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: I don't mean those aren't very good reasons. They are very good reasons.

CLIENT: But why do I need a good reason necessarily?

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: I feel that I do.

THERAPIST: I guess so. Yeah, because otherwise you might respond a little bit like she did. What the hell, just pull yourself together. You know, these are expected little difficulties, you know.

CLIENT: (Laugh). Right. Right.

(Pause): [00:35:13 [00:35:19]

CLIENT: I think that also being on the edge was like possibly moving was just nerve wracking and that I'm ready to go and seeing these great jobs and applying to them and people aren't moving fast enough for me.

THERAPIST: Sure.

(Pause): [00:35:37 00:35:49]

CLIENT: I am happy to be home for like a few weekends in a row. I'm just not willing to be making any plans. It was my mother's birthday yesterday. I had to work an event late so I'll take her out tomorrow night. And Mandy is in town for a wedding but the only time I would have gotten to see her was last night like for a little while so we went and had a couple of drinks which was good because she's doing wedding stuff the rest of the weekend. (Unclear).

(Pause): [00:36:15 00:36:37]

CLIENT: It just feels like I'm juggling a lot of balls in the air or something. Between like this big event coming up at work and Melody sucking, I feel like it's up to me to pick up slack. And dealing with my roommate who can't clean dishes and put them back where they go or is just doing it because she thinks it's funny because I clearly rewash everything and change where it is, you know. Cats who like I don't think I'm giving enough attention. Like all this stuff I feel like I have to maintain and then I feel like if I don't keep all this stuff moving and going and (unclear) which is a little extreme but it probably won't happen, but I'm feeling like that extra hour that I slept this morning because I decided not to go to work and then come here and then go back to work, but coming right to work was like the nicest thing I experienced all week. It's like an extra hour. The cats had been fed and they came in and slept and didn't bother me and didn't climb on my bed. It wasn't like trying to get me to do something. It was just like the nicest time I've had all week probably.

(Pause): [00:38:03 00:38:08]

CLIENT: I mean this weather sucks. And it was fine, it was cloudy, but it was cold today so -

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: At least it's Friday.

(Pause): [00:38:19 00:38:25]

CLIENT: I don't know. I wish I could not constantly feel like anxious or distressed.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:38:34 00:38:44]

THERAPIST: Yeah the anxiety seems like it could go along with the things you have to take care of although it's not clear why that is in that they have a lot to keep on top of. It doesn't sound like it's something to be that worried about. It's not (unclear).

CLIENT: Right. Exactly. Right.

THERAPIST: Or something and get behind in studies like you've got to wash the dishes and feed the cats which, it's work, but for some reason in things like that you have to handle or sort of put a focus to your anxiety (unclear).

CLIENT: Yeah, I'm not sure either. But I don't like stress anymore. I just felt like this whole last and it's been kind of a marathon with the bar mitzvah and then Dublin and then Chicago and then Houston and then Brazil and now I'm back working and picking up slack for everybody else and you know, so I have been for a month, straight activity which is great, but I guess it's causing me to just feel kind of constantly on edge and then just feeling like, 'oh, like I just want to go home and smoke a joint and go drink a glass of wine.' And that's when I feel like I can like relax which is stupid I feel because I don't think that I don't know I don't think I should feel this anxious. Just generally speaking, I don't think that there's necessarily a reason for me to be feeling this level of anxiety. And like the whole being single thing, I'm actually like I am continuing to feel better about it. Again, like sometimes, yeah, it would be nice to have a guy cuddle with, whatever. But generally speaking, I think that it's a good thing that I'm maintaining single status and not jumping into another relationship which I've done you know with my past relationships and I think that it's a good time period for me to just be on my own right now and I'm happy that I don't you know, all those things about money and time frames and somebody texting me to say when I would be home for dinner with my friends. I'm really enjoying all of that a lot. So I don't feel like the anxiety is necessarily linked to that but I'm not really able to put my finger on it either.

(Pause): [00:41:16 00:41:25]

CLIENT: I know that working out again would help and I'm not starting up again. When I do work out more consistently I do feel kind of lighter, just not like so many things. I don't know. I don't feel as anxious because it's a good outlet and the focuses like focuses on other areas of living. I could do that and I feel like I'm too distracted to like figure out how to work out (unclear).

(Pause): [00:41:57 00:42:13]

CLIENT: I still can't close my online dating membership early. My dad like paid for like three months but this is shit, like this is stupid. Like I just don't want my face out there.

(Pause): [00:42:24 00:42:35]

THERAPIST: I would imagine that in a way you're also feeling some of these are really being taken care of here talking about things that are going on and not necessarily having a (unclear (yourself).

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Is there anything about that that makes you nervous?

CLIENT: No. No. I mean yeah, it's nice because I don't feel like I don't have to I'm not going to get the kind of response like what happened to me yesterday or I'm not going to feel bad because my mom has her own stuff that she's worried about so to be focusing on all this stuff and talking about it all the time, I know sometimes I think I feel better talking about this stuff here because I don't want people to think that I'm always only talking about oh, woe is me and my life is so hectic and stuff and my job and -

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: I don't want to feel like that's and it's hard because that's all on my forefront so it does end up being like a good chunk of my topic of conversation.

THERAPIST: Right. Are you aware that you'll want more of it or that you'll feel dependent?

CLIENT: No. Why? Are you sensing that?

THERAPIST: I don't know. It's hard to tell. I mean, maybe it's something we've already talked about like you're feeling worried about getting to close or dependent or like it could be helpful.

(Pause): [00:44:32 00:44:36]

CLIENT: I don't think so.

(Pause): [00:44:36 00:44:46]

CLIENT: I just don't really know I'm just at a loss when it comes to not feeling depressed or something. I don't know. Like, the anxiety then like kind of turns it I don't know. Like I've felt depressed a little bit this week like there's been and it's been about me hating my job I mean primarily and being so annoyed, like, 'why am I able to do two jobs?' You know, all week she sucks.' And that's been making me feel depressed.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And I don't know how to (Pause). I wish I didn't feel that way.

THERAPIST: We should stop now.

CLIENT: Okay. But I'll see you next Friday.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And then for the rest of April.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Until May. All right. Thanks. Have a great weekend.

THERAPIST: You too.

END TRANSCRIPT