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THERAPIST: I think I was thinking about your e-mails when you came in and that's why I forgot. (pause) [00:01:26]

CLIENT: I wonder why I love you. (pause) [00:03:16]

THERAPIST: I think one thing that may matter a lot to you is that you know or feel like I'm trying to understand some things or help understand some things that neither of us knows yet about you, but that are very important and that you often work hard to unintentionally cover over. (pause) [00:04:20] I kind of have the feeling, having said that, that maybe I've just completely missed the boat.

CLIENT: Did you say that in response to why I love you? Do you think that that might not be the reason?

THERAPIST: I thought it was a piece of a reason, but then there's something about how you responded just now to what I said that made me think what I said wasn't right.

CLIENT: I was just listening. I didn't respond back. (pause)

THERAPIST: I guess I was concerned that what I said seemed cold and too clinical and somehow disrespectful.

CLIENT: No. I can't get comfortable here. (pause) [00:05:49]

THERAPIST: Can you think of anything that would help?

CLIENT: No. It's not physical, it's mental. [...] (inaudible at [0:06:04] (pause) I think there is something about the joint attempt at understanding the thing that we both don't know that is very important and binding or attractive or meaningful. I don't think that's the whole thing. (pause) [00:08:27] Why isn't Jeremy's intimacy enough? I don't know why it should be enough, but I want to know why it isn't. I think he wonders why it isn't, too, [...]. (inaudible at 00:08:47) It's never been enough. I've always longed for some other intimacy and I think a lot of the time it has been with my parents. (pause) [00:09:49]

THERAPIST: I also think that the sexual fantasies that you've mentioned have gotten [...] (inaudible at 00:09:54)

CLIENT: Just Edmund's. Oh, okay, I guess Kurt doesn't count, but yeah, we've been over this once before. And my dreams why do I dream about loving all of these different people like Morris and [...] (inaudible at 00:10:33) and [...] and my mom and [...] and you and Kelly and even Mark. I don't dream about loving Jeremy. I have when we're apart. (long pause) [00:14:08]

THERAPIST: One thing is that I sort of have the impression of the people you describe, except for Jeremy and maybe except for your landlord I'm not sure about him but the other people that you mentioned like your mom or Kelly or me or Thomas in the lab, I sort of have the impression that we are in some way settled in who we are and know and we seem accomplished and kind of directed and sort of solid. We're also being [difficult] (ph?) and kind of moved or nudged. I sort of have this image of us seeming to you as though we perhaps are set in who we are and where we're going in some way. [00:15:40]

CLIENT: Yeah. Morris's like that, too.

THERAPIST: My impression is that Morris feels that way. He's very clear in some things about himself in who he is and what he likes, but there's this sense of not being at ease in some ways.

CLIENT: He is [...] (inaudible at 00:16:08). He can't really be nudged by me, but in that way he, I think, is looking to be nudged. I guess I'm [...] (inaudible at 00:16:41), too. (pause)

THERAPIST: My hunch would be that that's going to depend a lot on who you're with, that with some clear friends or maybe sometimes with Jeremy you know it's the other person who's clearly ill at ease and you're more solid.

CLIENT: Like if I'm feeling like putting [...] (inaudible at 00:17:17) or not.

THERAPIST: No, or maybe that's just where they are and some things they're doing are maybe not.

CLIENT: You don't think it's like whether I feel really down or not and it doesn't matter who I'm with?

THERAPIST: Maybe. Maybe [...] (inaudible at 00:17:44)

CLIENT: Yeah, I guess with some people it's really clear how I influence them like you and Kelly and [...] (inaudible at 00:18:20) my mom. I'm sort of always wondering, "Am I helping?" and I think I have that image that I enjoy all of you in meaningful ways, but it's somehow hard to believe or hard to hold onto. (pause) [00:18:50] Unlike when someone will make an insight that suggests that they have paid close attention to me and know me well, it surprises me. (long pause) [00:20:59] All of this feels like it's missing the point.

THERAPIST: That's good to know.

CLIENT: I mean there's the point being... when I just feel that our session didn't go very well. That feels like the point a lot of times.

THERAPIST: Tell me about our walk.

CLIENT: Like you got to see me in the world and I got to see you in the world. You show me things and I show you things. Things happen beyond your control and we react to them without any premeditated-ness. (pause) And I guess things like a sense of escaping, we could just walk forever. (pause) [00:23:32] And you become a person with thoughts and feelings. You show me where you eat lunch sometimes. (pause)

THERAPIST: And that's all that you want to that point?

CLIENT: I don't know what the point is. There are lots of points. I think the observation that some other people that I love being removable to me is a good point. (pause)

THERAPIST: It may be a good point, and that's good; but [I know how you take seriously] (inaudible at 00:24:55) when you say things, besides the point, that you're talking about the point that matters most to you, right?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You haven't [...] (inaudible at 00:25:14). (pause) [00:25:47]

CLIENT: I'm tense.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Uh-huh.

THERAPIST: Are you [...]? (inaudible at 00:26:00)

CLIENT: Just sort of paying attention to my breathing, but I think my body is maybe reacting to something that [...] (inaudible at 00:26:14). (pause) Yeah, maybe I'm pretty frustrated. (pause) [00:27:47]

THERAPIST: It makes me wonder whether you sort of have a thought to kiss me or shake me. (pause)

CLIENT: I'd like to yell at you, but you're not going to yell back so I can't get myself to do it. (pause)

THERAPIST: [...] (inaudible at 00:29:08)

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