TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: Okay. So � Let me catch my breath for a minute. So last night was Thursday. Wednesday night I asked (inaudible at 00:36) to work the event instead of me in the evening.

THERAPIST: Is she your ?

CLIENT: Events assistant. And so I went home early. And Helen had been lying on the couch all day, reportedly with Doug. And I started to do � I got home, settled in and started to do a Zumba DVD. And then like, five minutes into it I saw a fire truck and a police car coming down the wrong way on my street, out my window, because I had my shades open and I�m on the second floor, right on the street in the front of the house. [1:16] And I was like, uh oh. So I paused it and went to the window. And then I saw that they stopped outside of our house and I looked down to the front porch, and I saw the two girls that live downstairs go up the same � waiting there anxiously.

And I was like, Helen, something�s going on downstairs. And we kind of joked, because Elsie the girl that has the dog that I know a little bit better � like, we�ve had more interactions and stuff and I like her and stuff, had told us before that this other girl, Stephanie and her boyfriend had fallen asleep or something while pasta was cooking and the whole house was filled with smoke, because it all burnt to the pot and everything. Whatever. So we�re thinking oh, God. What now. So Helen kind of goes down, and the police had just come in, in the fire. And Helen comes back up and she tells me that she�s just heard that the boyfriend died. That she heard the girl, Stephanie, who�s the girlfriend -

THERAPIST: He�s the one who lives there?

CLIENT: With Elsie and Rodger (ph). He apparently moved in. I saw his name -

THERAPIST: He�s the boyfriend.

CLIENT: Yeah. I saw his name appear on the mailbox the other day. [2:38] And she heard Stephanie say, he�s dead, and then start sobbing.

THERAPIST: Oh, my God.

CLIENT: So then, we both were in the apartment and my reaction, I was like, my heart dropped into my stomach. And Helen was kind of like, her reaction was kind of to like, smile and chuckle awkwardly. Like, yeah. But I think that�s how she was reacting -

THERAPIST: Just anxious.

CLIENT: I think, yeah. that�s how it manifested or whatever. And mine was just kind of shock. And then � So basically, we were glued to the window in my room and kind of sticking our heads out the door to try to listen, because we didn�t want to go down, necessarily, �cause we did not know what was going. We didn�t know if it was the dog. [3:36] Like, I don�t know. That�s what I said. It was like, what if it�s the dog that died? And we saw the EMT come and go. [3:49] And then we saw the detectives come with the kid and taking pictures and went in to do a � And we heard the girls in the hall talking, sniffling. And Elsie had already said, you know, I think � I don�t know, they�re crazy, they�re weird, this and that. Like, I think they�re on drugs. And then I was listening out the door. I kept cracking the door. I was like, fuck it. If they hear me doing this. Obviously, whatever.

And I hear her on the phone saying, you know, I�ve never spoken to his mom, I�ve only spoken to his dad. You need to call her and give her this number and tell her to call me immediately. He�s passed away. [4:37] And then I heard her say, does it matter how he passed away. And then she said, he OD�d. And of course I instantly guessed heroin, although I know there�s other ways to OD. And then, we were kind of wondering well, maybe it was a suicide. Maybe he took pills. We don�t know what the story is. We�ve only seen him a couple times. And the couple times that we�ve seen him have been he�s kind of like, running to the car, and running back in the house. You know, they were acting funny. And she was always dumping huge amounts of bottles into the recycling bin. And, you know, he had kind of like, shown up and moved in kind of thing.

And then, I hear Stephanie telling the cops, can you wait to move his body? Can you wait, his mother�s going to come. [5:46] Then, a little while later, I saw the mother pull up with her husband, I guess. And I wasn�t sure what to expect. I wasn�t sure if I was going to see her come sobbing, you know, like denial, whatever. She walked up to the cop, Ethan, and she was like, hi, officer. Thank you for waiting. And started like � he started asking her questions and she wasn�t even rushing in. And she was kind of like � I heard her say something like, I told him that stuff was stronger or something like that. Almost like she was disassociated, because she had � It was almost like it was her worst nightmare all these years that he must have been using or whatever the case may be.

Oh, and the other part is that I heard her on the phone saying, to the mother, when she was speaking to the mother, he was doing so well. [6:34] He just got this new job that he was starting today. We went out last night with my tax money. I bought him dinner and drinks and we took a shot to celebrate his new job. And, so I mean, obviously, he wasn�t sober. [6:44] And who knows if she was lying to the mother, and they had both been still using. And so she � she was just crying and, you know, I don�t understand it. But it sounded like the mother was almost more calm.

THERAPIST: And seemingly dissociated calm rather than not invested calm?

CLIENT: Yes. And I heard her say � First of all, then she got there okay. So she then went inside and saw him. And then, I hear her in the hallway talking to, I guess, Stephanie and Elsie and I hear her say something about Passover next week. So I�m like, oh, God, they�re Jewish. Oh, and Ethan � This is like, of all things to happen right now. [7:52] So anyway, I had seen the name show up on the mailbox. And I was like, oh, I remember a Nathan that I went to high school with a year above me, and his sister, Celia who was this very awkward � she may have some health problems, or maybe she just looks funny. Because she�s always looked very funny and she has a very strange voice, the way that she speaks. And people made fun of her and things like that. But I remember, I think, always being nice with her.

And I remember last year, before the � she was on my side of the list to invite to the high school reunion, so I had invited her, and we had corresponded that way. I�m friends with her on Facebook. And I remember her coming up to me at the reunion, oh, thanks for inviting � this and that. It�s good to see you. You are so nice. This and that. But the I was like, whatever. But then I hear Jewish, and she got here very quickly. And then � so, okay, that�s all going on. [8:44] And then, I hear the mother saying to Stephanie, I�m so sorry. I�m sorry. I�m so sorry. And I�m thinking oh, God, what a Jewish mother�s guilt. I�m so sorry my son died in your house. And that�s why I don�t think it�s not uninvested. And then, I heard her say something about, you know, like, she�s asking, so what do we do? Do we call the funeral home? Whatever. How do we-? Because the coroner came and took him away. Helen watched, I did not. And she reported that it looked like he was � the body bag was contorted, like he was not � I think rigor mortis had set in.

THERAPIST: Right. He wasn�t just like, lying there flat.

CLIENT: Because he had died in the bed, I think kind of curled up. So anyway, and she�s like, asking details and whatever and they were saying about the morgue or something (inaudible 9:37) office. Because, of course they have to do a thing, I�m sure. A toxicology just to see � to rule out suicide, or whatever. I heard her say something about, yeah, like, they said something about MGH. She said, oh yeah, that�s where he was when he OD�d last month or last year or something like that. So clearly, he�s been struggling with this for a while. [10:02] So then, Elsie, the girl who -

THERAPIST: Yeah. The other one downstairs.

CLIENT: Who is like the me in the Helen situation? Like Craigslist, how did I get into this? Oh, my God. Has a boyfriend. This and that. She � as they were about to take the body out, she went with dog. She left. I was kind of watching out the window a little bit. I saw, after the body left, I saw the girl, Stephanie�s sister show up. Her mother showed up. A couple showed up. I don�t know. Some friends, maybe. And then, Elsie, I saw her come back with dog. So I said, out the window, I said, Elsie, Elsie, oh, my God. Are you okay? She was kind of � and the dog was like, pulling her. And I was like, why don�t you come up? And she�s like, can I bring Curt, and I was like, yeah, yeah. So, you know, I locked the cats and she came in and was out of breath and immediately was just kind of like, crying again.

And we both gave her a big hug and were all like � I mean, me and Helen like, both of our hearts started racing again and everything. And she started telling us the story of exactly what happened, then. [11:02] She, you know, they�re in and out all the time. I don�t know their schedule. Whatever. You know, she�s got some new job as a busboy. I don�t know what their schedule is. Whatever. So I was home all day. And Helen was home all day, too. And we had said the same thing, whatever. You were home with a dead body all day. She was home all day with the dog. The door was closed. She didn�t. Whatever. Stephanie came home at like, five something. And she�s like, oh, my God. He locked the door and closed it. The doorknob, because it�s that kind of a lock. And Elsie was like, well, go climb through the window, �cause it�s on the first floor. And she climbed through the window, then she comes out and says, Elsie, Rob�s not responding. And Elsie was like, what? She�s like, he�s not responding. And she goes in there, and he�s, you know, like this, lying face down, legs curled up. Like that. In like, a puddle of drool and probably vomit.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: And Jillian and � I keep saying Jillian, because I used to think this girl, Stephanie�s name was Jillian, and I don�t know why. Elsie said, Stephanie, we need to callwe need to call 911. [12:18] And they said, you need to try to � And Stephanie apparently was one the phone saying, I don�t know. I don�t know. I don�t know. Is he breathing, is he this, is he that? I don�t know. You need try to turn him over then, to see, they said. And she couldn�t. He�s a tall guy. And I guess they were able to like, roll him onto the floor or something. I don�t know. Or like sit him-. I don�t know. Something. And that�s when they saw the needle. And Elsie was like, back up. Back up. Don�t get stuck. Watch out, you know. And they said, you know, does he have a pulse? And she reached up toand Elsie said, his neck was all purple. And he was dead. And I think she was just in denial and so much shock that she thought maybe they�re going to come, you know. Or like, Pulp Fiction. [13:25] And so they said at that point, you need to leave the room and close the door and wait for them to get here. They got there and he�s dead, whatever. And ElsieApparently, the mother was saying oh, I�m so glad that she has you. His mother was saying that. And Elsie was like-

THERAPIST: Right. Saying that to Elsie.

CLIENT: To Elsie about Stephanie. And Elsie was like, she doesn�t. And I was like, of course not. And I was thinking my head like, I wonder if Helen understands that if something ever like that happened, I wouldn�t � That�s the same exact reaction that I would have. And then, I guess Stephanie was like, oh, I think I�m just going to stay here tonight. And Elsie was like, well, I�m absolutely not. So, you know, I don�t think you should. And certainly not alone and apparently she ended staying there with her sister. And I hope she didn�t sleep in the bed. I can�t even � That mattress, it would have been on the street already. [14:25]

THERAPIST: Sure.

CLIENT: And it happened to be trash day the next day. I absolutely � I couldn�t. Or, I don�t know. I would have left and never come back. Where your boyfriend just died? Which leads me to believe that she has her own issues with maybe drugs and alcohol and she wants to stay there and maybe use. Who knows? So then when Elsie came in, I had said to her � We were talking, and I said, wait a minute, wait a minute. Where�s he from. She�s like, Anaheim. Does he have a sister? And she�s like, yeah, yeah. I think he has a sister. And I was like, what the fuck. And then of course, I just confirmed it by finding a picture on Celia�s profile. And I didn�t really recognize him, but I said to Elsie, I said, is that him? And she�s like, yep. So, that is what prompted my text message to you on yesterday morning. Because obviously, this is � A, hits close to home with Jacob and my whole family history and everything. And B, like -

THERAPIST: Well, it hits close to home, because it�s where you live, too.

CLIENT: And B, �cause it�s in my house. I�ve never experienced death like that so close to me, except for Guy, but that was even still more separate. He didn�t die in the house that I was living. Guy had a baby, Franklin�s nephew. [15:44]

THERAPIST: I remember, I just didn�t know his name.

CLIENT: Yeah. And C, what are the fucking chances, that it�s a fucking Anaheim kid, and his sister was in my grade and I knew her. And it�s just so sad and so unnecessary.

THERAPIST: I�m so sorry that happened.

CLIENT: Thanks. Yeah, me too. I�m sorry for everybody involved. It�s horrible. I mean, you hear about people dying of overdoses all the time. I know. And if he was doing well, if that�s true, then he probably was like, I got a new job, I�m doing well, I can celebrate. And then, if you haven�t been using for a while, only a little bit will take to kill you. [17:01] (pause) And the landlord wasn�t home. He doesn�t even get home until later after all the activity was.

THERAPIST: He lives on the third floor?

CLIENT: So I�m still kind of processing that.

THERAPIST: Of course, that�s going to shake you up. I mean, being right there. With the stuff as you say, in your family. Knowing his sister. And he�s from Anaheim.

CLIENT: I was talking to my mom yesterday, and she was like, you know, I�ve been thinking about it. You know, I can�t help but sometimes feel that we just fucking � Bad luck follows this family. Maybe we don�t have the worst luck, but we sure have had our serving of bad luck between the family. In the family. [18:31] And, you know, we were kind of like � You were kind of saying to me like, in the sense of like, oh, it�s like, I�m feeling like � We were talking about the last few sessions how I�m having feelings that every day something else. Every day something else happens that�s kind of like a roadblock or something that throws me back off course or something that upsets me or something that fucks things up. And, you know, I said that and I agreed. But it was more like, oh, I didn�t get a job. Or like, Helen sucks. But then, it�s like, something real happens like, the day of or right after that. Right after having talked about something happens every day. And then, it�s like, oh, no. Somebody just died in the house where I live who�s my age. [18:26] (pause)

THERAPIST: It�s a little uncanny?

CLIENT: This has not been a good few years for me.

THERAPIST: No, it hasn�t.

CLIENT: And I don�t quite understand. I can�t � there is nothing I could have controlled about that happening. Getting upset about my roommate, getting upset about this, getting upset about that. I can have more control over. Something like this happening, I mean, yes. Getting upset � how much I get upset over this I can control, too, more than it actually happening. [20:20] But it just feels more of a �

THERAPIST: A bystander.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I just can�t stop thinking about the poor girlfriend and Elsie who found him. And I can�t stop thinking about the image of him just having, maybe trying to get high. Maybe get high and take a nap or something, and then dying. And then, the image of him curled up in a ball. That they found him dead and that he was dead and that nobody knows how long he was dead yet.

THERAPIST: Kind of the horror of all of it.

CLIENT: Mm hmm (indicating yes)

THERAPIST: Do you have nightmares about it?

CLIENT: But I did wake up thinking about it several times that night. [21:23] You know, every time I woke up, it was, you know. I was up thinking about what�s going on down there? Who�s down there? What�s happening? (pause) And then, on top of that I babysat last night, which was actually good to get away from everything for a while. But then, Helen wasn�t going to be home. It was late when I got home. I had been texting with Sergio. He came over, because I didn�t want to be alone, because I asked him to. And then, we went through the whole bullshit again this morning. [22:20] I mean, whatever.

THERAPIST: So there�s that, too.

CLIENT: So there�s that, too. Which I could have predicted, could have written a script of.

THERAPIST: Right. Still sucks.

CLIENT: Yeah. But at the same time, I�m not like, sorry, because I didn�t want to be alone.

THERAPIST: Absolutely.

CLIENT: Helen wasn�t home. Stephanie was asleep with a migraine. My mom was asleep, �cause it was late when I got home. Whatever. And it�s my mom�s birthday. Seventieth today. She�s going out. She has some plans and then we have plans tomorrow. I have to work tomorrow, which I�m extremely resentful about, because it�s completely unnecessary and it�s because of � It�s a result of people not being in communication. But then, okay � not being in communication about an event we�re co-sponsoring. And then, nobody�s taking ownership over it. So I�m kind of forced to as the events coordinator, because somebody has to fucking be there. [23:30] because these two groups are now � The whole set up is complicated and they want this and that and the other. And I can�t, you know. What if those issues was they�re moving stuff and the building gets angry with me or they break something or somebody gets hurt.

THERAPIST: So often you�re the one who�s got to deal with that. I mean, sort of in general. We ought to stop for now. So we�re on Monday. I know you�re out Friday. When do you leave? I don�t remember why you�re out Friday. I just remember that you were. So what I�m asking is -

CLIENT: The 18th and the 21st I�m not here.

THERAPIST: Okay. All right. So you�re around through Thursday of next week.

CLIENT: And Wednesday. Oh, I see. For another appointment. I am leaving � I�m going to the airport at 3:00 p.m. on Wednesday of next week.

THERAPSIT: All right. If I get something Tuesday or early Wednesday I�ll let you know. Otherwise, I�ll see you on Monday.

CLIENT: Okay, yeah. That�ll be great. Just let me know. Did I just drop something? Thank you. I�ll see you on Monday.

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