TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
CLIENT: Hi.
THERAPIST: Welcome back.
CLIENT: Thanks.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: Welcome back to you.
THERAPIST: Thanks.
CLIENT: How are you?
THERAPIST: Good.
CLIENT: Good.
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CLIENT: What are you thinking about?
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: I'm wondering what you're thinking about.
CLIENT: I'm wondering if you're wondering what I'm thinking about.
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER) (PAUSE) I... (PAUSE) I had the feeling that...
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THERAPIST: You're like both excited and relieved to be back.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Mm hmm. (PAUSE) I think I had that feeling that you too... (PAUSE) I not sure.
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THERAPIST: That I was both excited and relieved that you're back?
CLIENT: Mm hmm. Maybe not relieved. (PAUSE) But you seem pleased.
THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:09:53)
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: It feels different having been away for sure. [00:10:01]
THERAPIST: Mm hmm.
CLIENT: But I don't... I can't figure out how. (PAUSE) I think I got to a really nice place with the intensity. The distance felt very good. (PAUSE) And I think the nature of the time I spent away was like pretty right for getting to a good place with the intensity of my feelings for you and us. [00:11:05]
THERAPIST: How so?
CLIENT: Well it sort of felt like camp. (PAUSE) It was really good. I was like in this like almost family structure the whole time and... (PAUSE) There was like always people around. There were always new people to meet. But there was also like this core group of people who know me vey well, who I know very well and happen to like very much and there was something about experiencing a new place that brings people closer together. [00:12:11]
Being intellectually stimulated for so many days, for so many hours was so good and if left... Like I didn't feel like I wanted anything else. I was very, very happy, very like. Intellectual stimulation, a family like emotional structure, and a lot of fun and a lot of down time too... So it wasn't like things were packed and I took naps every day. I read. [00:13:05]
I chatted with a lot of people about not anything to do with science. And it helps to be in a stunningly beautiful place. It was stunningly beautiful.
(PAUSE) [00:14:00]
CLIENT: And I guess there were (inaudible at 00:14:41) who were like really cool and... (PAUSE) I felt like a scientist.
THERAPIST: Cool.
CLIENT: Mm hmm. It was very cool.
THERAPIST: Yeah. It all sounds pretty awesome actually. [00:15:01]
CLIENT: And I got to live with Joanne (ph).
THERAPIST: Is Joanne in your lab?
CLIENT: Uh huh. Joanne is my pal.
THERAPIST: Cool.
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:15:21) I am closest to her in the lab.
THERAPIST: Mm hmm.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Yeah. Having a roommate who really fits is also very positive and made it feel like camp. (PAUSE) We did a lot of stuff together. [00:15:59]
It was also like this forward movement the whole time because... (PAUSE) Three out of the, maybe half of the postdocs in our labs and the two labs the we were closest to had talks and practiced their talks sort of late at night, pajama style multiple times and when that wasn't happening there was sitting around, drinking, talking about the day. There was just a very... There was an immense sense of support.
(PAUSE) [00:17:00]
CLIENT: I felt the contrast pretty quickly when I got back like how isolating normal life is.
THERAPIST: Hmm...
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Like you go from one place to another and people don't really talk to each other. Strangers don't talk to each other. It's not really about talking. There was also no like shared sense of experiencing something special. It's a very cynical like private feeling I get like most of the time. [00:18:11]
THERAPIST: That's kind of crummy. (inaudible at 00:18:17)
CLIENT: Yeah. (PAUSE) But I'm happy... I'm really happy to be back and I didn't want to stay there forever. Part of what made it so good is that it was going to end. So there was a sense of not... There was a sense of like making the most out of it in the way that still allows for hours of downtime and not talking to anybody. [00:19:07]
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Have you read anymore (inaudible at 00:19:11)
THERAPIST: I have not. (inaudible at 00:19:17)
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:19:21)
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THERAPIST: Were you thinking of something from a (inaudible at 00:20:31) novel?
CLIENT: I'm reading his latest novel. I guess I was thinking about the novel but nothing in particular.
THERAPIST: Mm hmm.
(PAUSE) [00:21:00]
CLIENT: His roles and his characters are very strange. They're like ninety nine percent realistic and normal and one percent very strange and that's sort of what this book's hinged on.
THERAPIST: Hmm...
CLIENT: And he writes a lot about... (PAUSE) I don't know. Like... (PAUSE) Attitude and... (PAUSE) ...one on one interactions and sex and music all in this sort of strange fantasy nightmare world. [00:22:15]
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CLIENT: I sort of feel like I'm in love with the whole world. (PAUSE) I felt myself falling in love with so many people in this conference, not at the conference, not in the conference but like in Portland (ph). [00:24:11]
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: What is that?
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: I don't really know. You know, I've been thinking of... (PAUSE) ...like some of the parties with your family, with your dad and also your wedding and the party with me in the dream and you're, what you're saying about your trip. [00:25:03]
Like there's something about that like familial collective, celebratory thing that, maybe other things too, but awesome.
CLIENT: Yeah and like kind of maybe is what makes me tick or...
THERAPIST: Well that and you kind of lose yourself in it and in a good way and feel so sort of loving and connected to people.
CLIENT: There was something about this trip that was different because it was... The connections were added and... (PAUSE) ...were at an intellectual level which somehow was so much less tiring and so much more fun, maybe because it was less tiring. [00:26:21]
I think I have a lot more stamina for... (PAUSE) ...thinking about scientific problems and talking with people about them. I didn't really feel like talking much about science during the breaks and a lot of people did. I felt like I was not in the majority there. But still compared to how tired I feel after or during really intense family gatherings... [00:27:05]
THERAPIST: Yeah. I don't really have that impression that this is the same kind of (inaudible at 00:21:09)
CLIENT: Yeah. Because most people are pretty awkward. I mean, it's... (PAUSE) The humanitarian global infectious disease world that...
THERAPIST: Sorry. Is it getting too sunny over there?
CLIENT: Mm mmm.
THERAPIST: Okay.
CLIENT: ...the field of tuberculosis overlaps with, some of them are very, very savvy, you know, or like there are people there who are in charge of the WHO TV policy and a number of people who are heavily funded directly by Bill Gates, like people who are good at social interactions. [00:29:05]
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: But then there are a whole bunch of people who aren't and I guess... (PAUSE) I felt very competent and sort of confident and stylish and like I didn't really have to try that hard to be on socially... (PAUSE) ...or like intellectually.
THERAPIST: I see. I would have guessed that it was also because... I mean, it was easier to know the common ground.
CLIENT: Mm hmm. Yeah. I didn't have to... Like there was no need to like wonder about what was going on in peoples' lives. [00:29:01]
THERAPIST: Uh huh.
CLIENT: Or like work to ask them or...
THERAPIST: Uh huh.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Yeah. It's... I guess it's much easier to ask them about their work.
THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:29:31)
CLIENT: Mm hmm. And like there is like a celebrity. She's like a superstar. The fact that Kelly (ph) was there and I'm in her lab was already... (PAUSE) ...put me in a position of superiority that I had to sort of shed anytime that I had to interact with someone. [00:30:09]
THERAPIST: I see.
CLIENT: Work hard to establish common ground rather than (inaudible at 00:30:27) (PAUSE) (inaudible at 00:30:45) is so cool. It's very awesome. I got like two and a half hours of private time with this very cute British guy and like started out not knowing how to ski and ended like really knowing how to ski. [00:31:07]
(inaudible at 00:31:11)
THERAPIST: Did you go to the top of the mountain?
CLIENT: Mm mmm. We went to the (inaudible at 00:31:19) like six thousand feet. It was really bad weather. It was raining everyday. So people didn't ski as much as they wanted to. It was really perfect to learning because it was slower.
THERAPIST: Right.
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:31:51)
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THERAPIST: How was skiing awesome?
CLIENT: Well it's really cool learning something new. It's very nice to be outside and be learning something new. (PAUSE) And it's really incredible to be able to get yourself down a mountain in a controlled way. (PAUSE) I seemed quite... It just seems like really impossible when you think about like going straight down a mountain but when you think about going down like that, it doesn't seem impossible and it feels... It feels pretty in control. [00:34:19]
Like, "Oh, this is a smart way to do it. Like humans are pretty smart. And there's like three year olds, you know, like all the way up to people who are quite old like zooming around me and it was nice to be part of... You know what I mean? Like this new activity that I had been part of. It was very nice to get the personal attention too. [00:35:03]
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: I imagine it was also really wonderful but it was a wonderful trip that like...
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:35:31) (PAUSE) Yeah. It was a huge relief. It was a big confidence builder.
THERAPIST: Good.
CLIENT: And there was a lot of pushing and stretching myself. There was a lot of doing things without much sleep, waking up very, very early, having to be flexible. [00:36:07]
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Yeah.
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: We should stop for now. (PAUSE) I'm glad you had a great trip.
CLIENT: Thanks.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
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