TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

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THERAPIST: Good morning.

CLIENT: Good morning. How are you?

THERAPIST: I'm okay.

CLIENT: Just okay?

THERAPIST: Yes, I'm doing all right. I'm concerned about how you're doing.

CLIENT: I'm tired. How many times did they [inaudible] you?

THERAPIST: Three.

CLIENT: I've done three in the last two days and it's really, really rewarding (ph). I've mostly been [inaudible at 00:01:51], how many, how long in the day I want to keep working. I'm analyzing a lot of new data and I'm getting [inaudible at 00:02:04] tomorrow, so I have work to do and I'm enjoying it. And my meditation is a restart and it's a nice way to avoid things building up. Where is that coming from? Here in my book?

THERAPIST: Yes.

CLIENT: Are they Peruvian?

THERAPIST: They're from [inaudible 00:04:21] colony.

CLIENT: They look large. Some of my feelings are getting channeled into hypersexuality. I feel very sexual and I want to be sexed. And I had a really nice talk about sexual promiscuity and how that is something that I that really appeals to me right now. And we talked about all the different ways in which that would happen, not for real but maybe for real, I don't know. Not for real. And we talked about a couple that we would be willing to swing with. That was fun. While he cared a lot about how the woman looked, I cared a lot about whether I had a connection with the guy or the girl. [00:06:46]

And I feel like I want to be sexual with so many people and it's not I think it's very much playing out of what's happening to me. And then I had a wet dream, which for women [inaudible at 00:07:27] work out for me but it involved becoming very aroused and [then I got] (ph) very wet. And the dream was about all of my dreams involve some big family gathering with conference and two members of my life, Betty (ph) and Kurt, basically decided to at separate times come on to me. And in the dream what was vivid was slow soft kisses from Betty (ph) and Kurt was less slow and soft. [00:08:48]

THERAPIST: It was pretty hot.

CLIENT: It was hot. [00:09:08]

THERAPIST: [Pause] I was thinking that you kind of wonder or worry about what I'd be comfortable with or okay with as far as how specific or explicit you are talking about sex or [inaudible at 00:11:14] about me or otherwise -

CLIENT: That's true.

THERAPIST: that you worry [inaudible at 00:11:38] too much or going too far or something like that.

CLIENT: I worry sometimes about everything under the sun, if I would get an idea where I go too far. Maybe I have an instinct to [inaudible at 00:12:14] when someone lies to me. Why? [inaudible] answer anything? I don't know why.

THERAPIST: Initially you sound like a very high reaction that's so high that you feel a little flushed. That's more the issue. [00:12:51]

CLIENT: But maybe it has to do with how I want you to see me.

THERAPIST: I think apparently as a modest thing.

CLIENT: I see. I think I am those things but I don't know, I think too much about other things.

THERAPIST: Thinking about other things?

CLIENT: Yes. Just thought to say I got my make up time and that I did it in exactly that way but they haven't [inaudible] yet.

THERAPIST: And you don't like any do you?

CLIENT: Yes. That felt good to say that. This brings up again take advantage of me; I can handle it.

THERAPIST: Which is mainly partly you're not just lost and innocent and sweet. In other words I could not just notice that you're innocent and sweet. I can handle it.

CLIENT: Yes. Well I can handle it emotionally I guess. [00:16:07]

THERAPIST: And I think there you also maybe project up a little bit in identifying me as a bit of a bad boy, you know, I want to take advantage of you and I'm going to be a little worried about whether you can take it or not.

CLIENT: I think I hope that that's true.

THERAPIST: I think it says I think you also kind of want that badness in the room somewhere in other words.

CLIENT: Yes. Yes, I think. I think I want you to feel okay about this [inaudible at 00:17:37] and I think I hope that [in passing] (ph).

THERAPIST: And I think you want me to feel okay about those feelings and want me to have them partly because it's nice to be desired. [inaudible at 00:18:01] desires that way by me and I think partly because it would also give you permission. [00:18:11]

CLIENT: To?

THERAPIST: Feel and want some of the things you do. To not have to be running from one flavor a month.

CLIENT: Yes. I don't know.

THERAPIST: But maybe, maybe the first part feels stronger, like he'd really want you to want to be that way.

CLIENT: I'm not [inaudible at 00:19:13]. I think I won't worry about it. Wonder what you did at the gym. I think you bet him again. Did it feel strange?

THERAPIST: You're wondering about me going to the gym?

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: I don't think so. [00:20:43].

CLIENT: Do you wonder what anybody looks like in my life?

THERAPIST: Yes, I'm pretty used to wondering what people look like, so sure.

CLIENT: Do you want to see me?

THERAPIST: Do you want to show me?

CLIENT: It has to do with how much you want to see. I want to show you pictures from my wedding.

THERAPIST: Sure I'd like to see pictures from your wedding.

CLIENT: Cool. I want to show you sometime.

THERAPIST: Cool.

CLIENT: The pictures from my wedding capture how traumatic I was how much trauma I was feeling. They also capture how beautiful it was. I think I was you. I think it would be nice if I remember those things.

THERAPIST: Sure I'd like to see them. Both of those things and during the bike [inaudible at 00:22:46] ride your bike and also what parties look like for you, comes up a lot.

CLIENT: Yes, that's a good event to demonstrate that. I wonder what your children look like. You're answering no. I really want my mom today.

THERAPIST: You're become a more modest conversation. [00:24:36]

CLIENT: Okay we can go back to the same conversation.

THERAPIST: It's up to you I'm just noticing that.

CLIENT: I know. I guess I need to be asked questions about sex and the other conversation. I don't have much more to say.

THERAPIST: You're smiling. It's hard to have an intense conversation about sex while eating a banana.

CLIENT: That's right. Yes, the banana phase or session is different. As we were coming on the close of the banana thing, I think I would like to talk about sex more but I don't have anything obvious to say.

THERAPIST: Well what comes to mind?

CLIENT: I need a question. Nothing's coming to mind right now. What was that look? I don't believe you? [00:26:34]

THERAPIST: No, I'm thinking how would you tell me if there's something coming to mind? I guess I think it's -

CLIENT: I'm trying to draw you in.

THERAPIST: Yes. And I think the banana made you forget.

CLIENT: It did. Jeremy has a couple of friends who are, who've been with a lot of women and well one of them is Davis, the second drummer. And he tried to have sex with me and he tried to put his penis into me and I said no. And Davis later told Jeremy that he while I was really great that I was too innocent for him and that it wasn't going to work out. This was at some point after he, or maybe before he cheated on me and why I'm still a virgin.

There's another friend, Brett, who's very sweet and very beautiful but also had beds with many women and so we were talking about whether Brett and his girlfriend Gina (ph) would be an acceptable couple. And I thought that Brett wouldn't have me or he wouldn't want to have me because I'm too he's too experienced or something and I'm not experienced enough. And Jeremy thought that that was ridiculous and said that I would satisfy any man. And I don't know if that's true. [00:30:20]

And I [inaudible at 00:30:27] what I said to Drew. And yes, he was fine. I mean I don't know what that means. I think I would satisfy any man because of the nature of men, not because of my nature.

THERAPIST: I guess I imagine that's not what he meant because he's saying nice things about you and seeing somebody in bed.

CLIENT: Yes, so I think I have a I think I feel insecure about my sexual experience and how sweet and innocent and how promiscuous and dirty and dangerous it hasn't been.

THERAPIST: And then I think you sometimes want it to be. [00:32:03]

CLIENT: Yes, I really do want it to be that way, especially now. But it's very physical; it's not a I think maybe why I can't, why I don't have much to say or describe is because I just feel it.

THERAPIST: Well when I wouldn't explain myself, why did you really rise at me?

CLIENT: Go ahead.

THERAPIST: Okay. Yes, I think the guy you want to meet your family you're uncomfortable about. It's the charge (ph) thing to do and I imagine you had a thought about [seeing it] (ph) provocatively. And then there's another part of you that sort of shut down around that. And then you couldn't think of anything to talk about to do with sex. And it's just that it's hard to talk about because it's a physical thing. I know it's a very physical thing. It's not that I don't understand that but I think that's not why it's hard to talk about or that words can't have sexual kind of content or convey sexuality. I mean... [00:34:14]

CLIENT: I'm not good at trying to provoke you sexually. That would be awful. But at the same time I guess I hope that it is provocative to you to hear me talk about being aroused and wet after my dream. So maybe it feels like I am provoking you and I don't want to talk about it. And I don't want to find out that it doesn't provoke you and I don't want to keep trying or something.

THERAPIST: [Pause] First you want me to be really attracted and turned on by some of the things you were talking about and not because you made an effort to seduce me but because that's my response to you. And I am my usual being difficult, I mean not just in a view (ph) to any of that but also in not structuring the discussion so much in a way that makes this easier like asking questions or stuff like that. [00:37:36]

CLIENT: Yes. I don't know what to think.

THERAPIST: As usual I'm not [inaudible at 00:37:39].

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: Why did you roll your eyes at me before? You were reacting to something?

CLIENT: What was I saying?

THERAPIST: You said you couldn't think of anything. Oh, it was a physical thing. And I said started to say something and you did what to me looked like one of the largest eye rolls I have ever seen.

CLIENT: It was just really clear on to think that you didn't think that that was what it was all about. [00:38:18]

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: [inaudible at 00:38:20]

THERAPIST: Did you feel hurt? I'm sorry if that was so forward, [inaudible at 00:38:29].

CLIENT: It's great. Better than all the lies that -

THERAPIST: Are you talking in a way to show that you're annoyed at me?

CLIENT: Yes. And for you to not avoid annoying me, which what I mean they got [inaudible at 00:39:05]. And also you had and I think you could probably make most of my [inaudible at 00:39:13]. Just tic-tac-toe. I guess it makes me feel like saying I'm not so sensitive but maybe I am.

THERAPIST: And it seems to me like it's complicated and on one hand it reminds me of your thoughts about telling me to take advantage of you, don't tip-toe, don't have to worry about me being fragile or anything or whatever or boring and also wanting me to kind of not to sexually but in other ways kind of to easily tease you, push you around a little. And that there's something about that that's you would like, something that I'm not doing that because you're too sensitive. [00:40:59]

CLIENT: Yes, maybe.

THERAPIST: Yes, well I'm sort of like [wreck house] (ph) a little more if I didn't feel it would be really sensitive or had something that you weren't worth something like that.

CLIENT: Yes, or maybe...

THERAPIST: In other words, then it's sort of about you that way.

CLIENT: I don't know about me being it's about you and what you want, what you like. That it would be shined to my sunnier personality or will it change the tenor in a way that you didn't want?

THERAPIST: I think it would be to unrestrained?

CLIENT: Yes. You're not my pal and you're not [inaudible at 00:42:09].

THERAPIST: I don't think I added that right.

CLIENT: Yes, that was weird. It's dreams and after it, I think. [00:42:35]

THERAPIST: We should finish up for now.

CLIENT: After you think about it?

THERAPIST: How do I think about my not being more that way with you?

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: In a few different ways, I'm not sure what to make of it. Whether it's sort of that the people that it comes from you and imagining I'm treating you with kid gloves, whether it be something that comes from me that I could do that for some kind of worry that doesn't have anything to do with you or the actual know of you, whether it feels to me something I recognize, I don't know. I don't know what to think.

CLIENT: Oh, true. Bye.

THERAPIST: Bye. [00:43:50]

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