TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: This week was interesting because after we met on Monday, I talked to my boyfriend about it. Like I said that, you know, we might have some control issues on our hands and there are certain things I can take care of and certain things that, you know... It's nice if I could have more support. I said that, you know, what I eat... I can tell that he's trying but, you know, in a same sense, like I think it's something that I constantly will have to work on with him and, for example, on Saturday or Sunday... Sunday we were playing Peytonk (ph) which is like a French version of Bocce (ph) and where you throw balls and try and hit a target. [00:01:05]

And he was like... You know, at first, I'd try and hit a few throws and I'm not very good at the game because I've only tried it once but, you know, and instantly he starts telling me, "Now, if you throw it this way and then you'll get a certain spin on it and then it won't roll so much." And I don't know what it was that just really sort of set me off, like... You know, of course, then I start getting emotional. (LAUGHTER) Then when I throw it, it almost hits me on the head because I'm trying to do it his way. But I guess maybe in a sort of "See, I told you so" sort of thing and I was like, "Oh, what now? You're going to..." Because I... It reminded me of when we were bowling and I wasn't very good. I've never been good at bowling. I just don't have a very good coordination even though I do dance. It's a totally different coordination than bowling or sports and especially because you're not controlling how your throws are or where your throws are. (LAUGHTER) [00:02:09]

And, you know, and then he was like, after I was not very good at bowling and, being a little tipsy, I didn't get better. You know, I didn't score. I was like the lowest score out of all of us consistently. The next day, he was like, "Oh, well, you know, I was kind of disappointed in how bad you bowl." And I was just like, "Disappointed? We were just having fun and, you know, do I have..." I guess I've been kind of sore about that like and, you know, when I wasn't doing so well and he told me how to throw it and I wasn't... You know, a lot of this sort of takes understanding your body and, you know, I... It just... It hit a sore spot. Like, "Oh, what? Now you're going to be disappointed in me for being bad at Peytonk?" [00:03:07]

Then he was trying to be supportive but... I don't know. In this sense, it was sort of passive aggressive. It just sort of, I don't know, did not strike a very good nerve. Things got better actually when it was just us two playing together. These kids... They were just kind of roaming around at the park. There's lots of families and kids and these kids were just roaming around and asking, "Oh, what are you playing?" So we invited them to play with us and it was funny because, you know, of course Jeremy was saying, "You throw underhand." That just totally went over their head. (LAUGHTER) One of the younger ones, he actually rolled it, like bowled it like a bowl and he actually was winning at first with that technique. (LAUGHTER) You know, the other kids are just going to throw and however kids do. They just going to see it in their mind. Whatever works best for them, they're going to do it that way. [00:04:05]

They don't necessarily want to know the details until sort of they have a knack or an understanding of what's going on in the game. And it was like really refreshing because I was like, "See Jeremy? We have... You don't tell someone how to do it and they come up with innovative solutions." (LAUGHTER) Like the kid bowling. He was doing pretty good. Things were a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun playing with the kids. They were just sort of so enthusiastic and, I mean, we could tell when they were starting to lose focus about an hour. (inaudible at 00:04:47) I told Jeremy, I was like, "I'm sorry for getting all touchy. You know, it's just... Give me a little bit of room to make a mistake. You know, because I sort of..." [00:05:03]

I know that when you're teaching adults, it's kind of an interesting because they don't want to know all the details at first because they're just beginners. They just want to get moving. Then you sort of, you know, teach them the basics but let them explore what's going on. I think that... He was telling me that he likes to be an encyclopedia so if someone wants to know how to do something, you know, for him he'll just tell them everything or he would want someone else to tell him everything, like being a walking encyclopedia. I guess, for me, I sort of... I don't really tell... I guess maybe I've learned long ago, like with teaching kids, they normally... They don't find interest in these long winded explanations and maybe I'm a little bit like that. Like, I mean, I know when I was little, I would never like anyone to help me with my math homework. My mom would be like, "Oh, do you need help?" "No, no. I'm fine. I can do it." [00:06:05]

And even with me doing my own physics problems, I would be very hesitant to work with others because that seems, not like cheating, but cheating yourself maybe. It just sort like... It's sort of a weakness to get help, especially when you don't necessarily need it. You know, part of it is that life is the struggle of learning and making things your own. So that was one thing sort of and there was another thing. Oh. I also had another sort of blow up when one morning when I was trying to get ready to go to an eye appointment and, you know, I was just sort of like... I told myself I need to leave at like eleven, eleven o'clock-ish. [00:07:09]

And Jeremy had just come in from his run and he had to get ready but while I was trying get ready, I'm having a hard time focusing and I also sometimes underestimate how long it would take to go from A to B, get ready. And while I was in the shower, he was talking and then he comes out of the shower and he's dancing and reaching in the mirror and it's hard for me to like... I mean, I guess when I'm putting on my make up or getting ready, I'm a little bit like that artist on PBS, the one with the palette. "I'll put a little color here, a little cloud..." I mean, I don't know why I get like that but distractions... I mean, I've got to get better with distractions. But then he'll be dancing and like making funny faces and I was... [00:08:03]

You know, and then he took the last of the Tupperware. So when I was trying to pack myself a lunch, I was super late. I mean, part of it was my fault. Part of it was his fault. But I sent him a text saying that, "I'm late for the T." You know, if you miss one train, you have to wait ten minutes for the next one. So that's a total like being twenty minutes late. Fortunately, I could rearrange for my eye appointment because the red line had a total sort of thirty minutes break down. (LAUGHTER) But besides the issue, yeah, I... I don't know. I shouldn't have been mad at him. I hadn't wanted it to be a really bad day and now just sort of Jeremy jokes about me being pissy. [00:08:59]

I was pissy because I was like, "You know, you were kind of distracting and because of you, I'm late." (LAUGHTER) That's not necessarily... I mean, it was a component. You know, and of course, he's kind of an attention seeker. He wants someone to pay attention to him and that was actually... What had happened was normally after breakfast, like if I work from home or even spend time at home rather than leaving, I'll sit down on the couch start doing some reading, doing some calculations. But Jeremy doesn't get that. He sort of thinks that working from home... Like, if I'm sitting on the couch, that means I'm not doing anything important and so, you know, of course, he's talking and doing some...

THERAPIST: Attention.

CLIENT: Yes. (LAUGHTER) He does. And, you know, I'm trying to do my work. I'm trying to calm down because at 10:30, I have to go. I have to leave. [00:10:01]

You know, often... I don't know. My moments... Like when he's going on a run, the house is empty and I shouldn't be happy when he leaves or when he goes to bed and I see that I stay up late because it's really not...

THERAPIST: You get your space.

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean...

THERAPIST: It just sounds like you need... Everyone needs some alone time, some space. It sounds like you need more space than you're getting.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah and I guess... I mean, I go to dance at night and especially... I'm starting to treasure the times when I do go dance because then it's, you know, me and my own space and I think Jeremy likes...

THERAPIST: But you also need that space to do work and think. So when you're at dance, it's time for you but it's time dedicated to dance...

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: ...not time dedicated to reading or working out problems or...

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: ...even just thinking whatever thoughts you want to think. [00:11:07]

CLIENT: Yeah. And I guess, you know, that sort of signifies that, you know, maybe, you know, maybe there's a different language. Maybe the couch seems comfort for Jeremy. For me, it just... It's an easy sort of... The convenient way in case I get too tired and can take a nap as opposed to an office. Not like...

THERAPIST: Do you have a work space in your apartment?

CLIENT: We have actually a study and we're not using it. That's the... (LAUGHTER) So I'm thinking that maybe...

THERAPIST: I'm thinking that it might just be too hard to work in a common area.

CLIENT: Yeah and, you know, the study actually... We always talk about, "What is it doing in there? No one studies in there." And I think that I need to start working at that desk rather than the kitchen. [00:11:57]

The kitchen because I start nibbling so easily because I'm so close to the food in the pantry and also that is a common space so Jeremy can... And the sofa... Well, that's common space too. So no one really uses the study right now. So I'm thinking about making it a partial green room. So that would actually, you know...

THERAPIST: Maybe that could become your workspace...

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: ...also surrounded by plants.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. And that was another thing is Jeremy asked me, "Do you need another plant?" I mean, in a sense, we are going away for ten days pretty soon and, you know, who's going to take care of all the plants? That's actually kind of an issue. So I can understand and then he was afraid that when I go away, that... Because I'm going out of town for like three weeks and he's worried about watering all the plants, which is understandable. (LAUGHTER) [00:13:05]

Because we have like twelve or something like that but, for me, I'm just like, "I want this plant. This is my six dollars." And I think he's just really worried about taking care of them and not having them... Like he doesn't like to see things go to waste and, for me, plants bring me a lot of happiness, especially the violets. I tend to obsess about plants. But I really... I think a lot of it is like bringing the outdoors in because we don't really have... Like he had like a communal courtyard to the whole apartment. You know, I keep on talking about like maybe right by our door we can enclose a little area. Jeremy's just like, "Well, let's just see and..." Like, "Okay, fine. I'll bring more plants inside." (LAUGHTER) [00:14:01]

You know, because I wanted to get like an outdoor bench and everything to make it sort of outdoor savvy and make my lawn beautiful even though it's kind of the back space and so now I'm just throwing my ivy clippings in the back to hope that they'll grow. But it's like, why... (SIGH) I mean, I love plants and it's understandable sort of like, you know, if a kid is eating too much candy, it's like, "No, stop it. It's not good for you."

THERAPIST: But you're not a kid.

CLIENT: Yeah. (LAUGHTER) Yeah and I can't see how it would be harmful and, yeah, in one sense, I sort of see that frittering away my money. I was actually really proud of myself for nail polish. I wanted to buy nail polish, not really for any particular reason but I wanted to and I was like, "You know, I have lots of colors at home. Why don't I go through those and, you know, just reimagine or, you know, sort of reinvent the wheel and try a color I sort of forgot about?" [00:15:11]

So I was proud of myself for that because I sort of realized that, you know, just sort of use what you have and enjoy and only fine tune... And I tend to be a collector and so... When I was little, I had like twenty five, no, not twenty five, fifty Beanie Babies and I would spend my allowance each week, my five, six dollars of allowance on getting a new Beanie Baby. I loved the collecting. But, I mean, pretty soon... Now, they're just all... My mom gave them away to our nasty preschool class. (LAUGHTER) I just... I'm glad I wasn't there to see them wring the little necks and pull off the tags, which I had all enclosed in special tag things. Ugh! [00:16:03]

But, I mean, you know, realistically, what do you do with a collection of toys? It was kind of hard and it's probably good that they got to enjoy them and...

THERAPIST: But you're sad about it?

CLIENT: Yeah. I was sad. (LAUGHTER) I still... I hid a couple of favorite ones. Like my mom was very nice about... You know, she gave away like easily the snakes and the reptiles and things that were the newer Beanie Babies that weren't so sentimental to the family. Like we had a platypus that was everyone's favorite and my mom actually took the platypus... Or no, it was Tank the armadillo. So she... (LAUGHTER) She was quite attached to that armadillo and the anteater. (LAUGHTER) But it's... (LAUGHTER) And she actually has a My Little Pony that my sister got for her that's a princess pony. That's the issue. (LAUGHTER) [00:17:03]

You know, I tend to be... I was really into collecting anime and I did like used to accumulate collections and then, you know, eventually I wheeled down saying, "No, is this really important?" I mean, I'd like to collect things because I like... I mean part of a collection is you have variety. I don't know. I don't understand. I'm not a hoarder but I do like variety and collections and it just makes me mad with the plans because... I mean, I guess he's worried about taking care of them. I get that. I do need to be better at like saying, "These are water every four days," and put them all together. I need to plan this time. Half of my plants died last time he took care of them. but the African violet that he took care of last time that I thought was dead came back with mucho gusto, thanks to fertilizer. But I just, you know, I just sort see like... You know, like... He's like, "You already have enough plants." It's like, "I didn't tell you anything about your herbs."

THERAPIST: So it's two different things colliding. Sort of your desire and need to collect and his desire to control and butting up against each other.

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean, I think I... Like in the kitchen God forbid I bring in something cutesy from Anthropologie or any spoon or anything that was not perfectly utilitarian. God forbid that happened. So, I mean, all of my pots and soil... This actually really upset my mom, some of the pots that she gave me that were, you know, older pots but, you know... I actually had given them away so that they would not accumulate in the kitchen and mess with Jeremy's stuff. [00:19:03]

And so like I thought that... You know, it's just interesting how there's things that he's controlling... Like, I don't have about kitchen stuff. Most of the pans had been scorched by roommates. C'est la vie and if I have to use one of his pans and ruin it, that's his problem. I don't try and ruin pans but I used to be afraid to us eoms eo his stuff and he's like... Now I'm not so afraid. I still don't use the pressure cooker but that has other... That's not because I'm afraid to use it. I'm afraid of hurting myself. But it's just... It's interesting and like, you know, I was... He gets sort of one my case for like money and sometimes he'd get really intense about everything or like getting on my case to pay him rent and... [00:20:01]

I was like well... You know, this would have been so much easier if we actually combined bank accounts in the beginning. "If you weren't so scared of me withdrawing all your money." Like that was a big issue. He was like, "You know what? I'm not going to deal with this. I'm going to keep my bank account separate and, yeah, we can deal with the aftermath. This is your problem." (LAUGHTER) And, you know, I don't know. It's interesting how like I didn't notice it before. I guess maybe because I wasn't living with him and also... I guess I didn't noticed the controlling thing like what I wear and why I wear it. Yeah. Sometimes he'll like tease me. I mean, "Ha, ha, ha. My sweater has little frillies." He said, "Oh my grandma has more of those sweaters if you like that style." [00:21:01]

I mean, I guess it is kind of funny. But I was like, "I never..."

THERAPIST: It never feels hurtful?

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean, I never tease him for like wearing polo shirts... I mean, I guess it's hard to tease a polo shirt and a pair of pants. You can't really tease that. But even if it was comical...

THERAPIST: You don't want to say something that might feel hurtful.

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean, I never say something like, "Whoa..." Maybe one time I said, "Oh, are you going to get a haircut?" Because I was just asking him because h said he wanted a haircut and but it came off as sounding like, "Oh, you don't look so good," or, "You need a haircut." At least when he grew his... He grew a beard that looked like a lumberjack beard. (LAUGHTER) He just looked with the long hair and the mid length curly hair and the beard, he looked like a lumber... (LAUGHTER) [00:22:05]

I didn't say anything. I told him it was cute. You know? And told him I loved him regardless of what his facial hair was. You know, it's just... I mean, he's gotten better about it. At least he doesn't say anything about my face and, you know, whatever, if I walk out with a certain (inaudible at 00:22:35) scarf from dry skin...

THERAPIST: How has it been getting out of the house this past week?

CLIENT: It's actually. Well, Saturday or yesterday I actually took the longest and that was... I mean... (SIGH) It's actually has gotten a lot better. On Saturday, like after ballet, I'm all sweaty so, you know, I took a shower and not even wash my hair or wash my makeup. I just sort of, you know, take a moist towelette and wipe off the parts that were clearly sweaty and just sort of redo those parts and within like twenty five minutes I was showered, dressed, with makeup. So, I mean, of course that was... I see that in general in the morning it take like twenty five minutes to get ready and that's not with hair. I wind up doing my hair, it always takes a little bit longer depending on what I want to do with my hair.

THERAPIST: But you got out of the house...

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: How many times last week?

CLIENT: Monday I had to. Tuesday I got out on time for group meeting. Wednesday I was out of the house. Thursday I... When did I get in? Oh, yeah, I had to get in on Thursday. I forget why. [00:24:09]

But I was there. And then Friday I was also out of the house.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: And Saturday and Sunday. So I'm out of the house basically... I don't always get out of the house by 9:30 but I eventually did leave the house and I'm getting a lot better and... (PAUSE) Oh, yeah. Thursday I ran errands. That's sort of what happened. Yeah and I actually went... I was out late dancing at the Cantab (ph) and meeting friends. So actually I'm getting a lot better at...

THERAPIST: That's a big difference from the week before.

CLIENT: Yes. And... You know, it's actually really nice going in. [00:25:07]

I was really worried going into the office. I was worried I wouldn't get anything done because maybe Paige (ph) and Chris (ph) are there. They're there but we maybe talk initially... (SIGH) Excuse me. We talk initially but then, you know, we just start working silently and maybe they are like, "Oh, what did you get for this? What did you get for that?" But, yeah, I... Oh yeah. That's right. On Wednesday I didn't go in but I did go out at 9:30 in the morning to run errands which felt really good because I got, you know, wake up, get some coffee. That's never a bad thing. (PAUSE) Grab my boots that recently had been redone. That was another thing because Jeremy really wanted these boots to get redone before they fell apart. I understood that. But I was afraid of a hundred dollar price tag that could come by resoleing (ph), refinishing [00:26:09]

Fortunately, I found someone that could redo it for eighteen but the thing...

THERAPIST: Quite a difference.

CLIENT: Yeah, I know. (LAUGHTER) I know. They're not perfectly redone but they'll last another... They're my mom's old boots. They've lasted forty years so I think they're doing alright for being... Well, not forty years. Maybe twenty years. I'm over dating my mom. (LAUGHTER) Maybe like twenty, thirty years. Anyway. He said he would pay for it and I was like, "Okay. I'll get it done." But then after when I went to go, you know, pay for them, he didn't offer to pay for it and I felt like, you know, this is kind of weird for me to, you know, him to pay for it especially because it's all pretty much coming from the same pot but I was really low, you know, after taxes... I mean, I had enough money. [00:27:01]

But anyway, I was just like, "Seriously. Like I did this because you told me to do it and you said you'd pay for it but you didn't." So it was sort of like, "Well, okay. I'm glad I'm having this done." But it's... I mean, I just sort of see that... In that sense, I wouldn't mind if he'd pay for it. I sort of think that if you really mandate it then you have to sort of pay for it. It's not really the same if I say, "Let's go out." I mean, actually sometimes I'll be like, "Oh, I want some coffee. Do you want some? I'll get you some." I don't know. It was just sort of like if you drag someone to do something you have to like compensate them or... I don't know. Maybe it's all coming from the same pot. [00:28:03]

I just was annoyed that he kept on like pressuring me. I mean, in a sense, it is good because if I was doing something, like... Maybe if I had an addiction to something, I would be really happy he intervened, maybe not in the moment but in the long run. I mean, that's his job. But I don't know if fixing boots is really a means for intervention. But again, I mean, fly boots are expensive. Maybe that's what he was thinking. You know, you pay a little bit of money now and you won't have to pay four hundred dollars to get new boots. And he was probably, you know... So fiscally, it works out. The quicker you turn them in, the better they can get fixed, the sooner and the less likely you will be to get new boots. [00:28:57]

So I see the logic. But I also see that sometimes I'm like I'm growing sort of, you know, just sort of a leave it alone. What does it matter?

THERAPIST: What is it that's underneath the boots or the timing for things or what is it that you're really feeling frustrated with?

CLIENT: Well, it's just... Just like well... (PAUSE) I wasn't ready to be gone... (LAUGHTER) I didn't want to be without them for a week. It really actually made me really mad when... Because this is like prime boot season. It's not dress and sandal season yet. Like I was waiting until it became summer so I can turn in my boots and I'm not wearing them because it's so gosh darn got. I mean, maybe... I don't know. I just got annoyed that he was like, "You need to get this. You need to do this," and it cost money. [00:30:01]

I mean, it would be like... Some students get mad when the professor asks them to get all these books and, "You need to buy these. This is a required text." And like, "What we going to use it? Is it going to be..."

THERAPIST: So you were mad that he was pushing you to do it on his timetable and not on yours.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: He was making the decision of when it was to be done.

CLIENT: Yeah and he didn't have to suffer the consequences of being without boots. I mean, I'm happy they're done and I really like them.

THERAPIST: But you wanted to wait another month...

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: ...so that you wouldn't have to...

CLIENT: Be bootless.

THERAPIST: ...be bootless for a week during boot season.

CLIENT: (LAUGHTER) It seems really... I mean, analyzing it in that simple way...

THERAPIST: So what I think... Well, the difference is the content versus what's the process going on. So the content is a week without your boots. Is that really a big deal? No.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You probably have a lot of other things you could wear.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: But that's not... I don't think that's what's really at stake here. I think what really makes you feel angry is that it was sort of another instance of him dictating how or when something happens, whether it be boots or when you eat or what you eat or what the schedule is. [00:31:17]

You know, so it's not so much being without boots for the week. I think that was sort of frustration or annoyance but I think what you're really reacting to is he was pushing, pushing, pushing and he was pushing for lots of things and where you decide to push back or kind of fight for a bit of that independence, you know I think you figuring out where is it the most important to do that. Is it most important the timing of when you get your boots redone or is it more important for you to push back on, you know, making decisions about the flow of the weekend or making decisions about what you eat or, you know, how matched that needs to be. [00:32:01]

CLIENT: Actually on the weekend we actually... I mean, weekends are actually our strongest point because we actually share about what we do.

THERAPIST: Yeah. So that's one place you've kind of really listened to yourself about what you want for your weekend and started to assert some of that.

CLIENT: Yeah and yeah... Because like on Saturday, I was like, "I want to go to ballet." and Jeremy comes along. He was like, "Okay. I get to walk." Then later in the afternoon we were like, "Oh, let's go for our walk." So we do that. I always have some little mission, whether it's to go to the cafe of like I had to go to CVS. So, you know, he likes the walk and I like to go to CVS. It's kind of weird because there's nail polish and other stuff. I did have to pick up a top coat but that was because I was out of a top coat. I actually went through a nail polish. (LAUGHTER) [00:32:59)

He was so happy. He was like, "Why are you buying more nail polish?" I was like, "Jeremy. I'm replacing one that I use all the time." He was like, "Oh. Okay." But he wouldn't let me look at the nail polish, just like he wouldn't let me look at the plant. That's my favorite thing is looking at the nail polish, no necessarily buying, just looking at... I don't know. Just like a kid goes to a museum or something like that. Like I like looking at all the...

THERAPIST: So it's that phrasing. That "wouldn't let me."

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So it's not about what it is. It about that feeling of you're not in control of the choices.

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean, most likely I probably wouldn't find a color. I mean, there was a...

THERAPIST: That's not the point.

CLIENT: Yeah. (LAUGHTER) Yeah.

THERAPIST: The point is you were feeling like you were told what you could or could not do.

CLIENT: Yeah and that's actually... I mean, then I said goodbye to the nail polish. I was like, "Oh. Maybe I'll come back when you're not here with me and I can look at the nail polish." And he just sort of was like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." [00:34:01]

But and then we went to the plant store and I bought a plant and he was like, "Do we really need a plant?" And I was like, "Yes. We do." And then he was like, "Okay." And then he steps out of the store and I could see that was part of his frustration and I was like, "Well, that's fine. I'm going to buy a plant because I want to." I like waking up and seeing my little African violets with their little petals." And... (PAUSE) Yeah. I think that's a lot of things because it's... I mean, you know, I shouldn't be just spending money here and there.

THERAPIST: But making a joint decision of figuring out why. Like are you... Are you guys... Is there a budget that you agree on? Is there a particular amount that you save? Are you saving for something? So then it feels like rather than he's telling you what you can or cannot do, or what you can or cannot spend, coming to understand what's the goal. What's behind this? [00:35:09]

Are you working together toward something? Because it might make sense. You know, maybe it's not just a control issue but there really is something else that that money needs to be going towards saved for. But it sounds like it doesn't' feel like you know or agree or...

CLIENT: I mean, in general, we like to save money and we're actually having a huge trip that we're going on and...

THERAPIST: So if the plant buying and nail polish buying is eating into that, then there's some roles or responsibility you have to understand how and where the resources are going.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I guess, you know, I want to know if... Because his mom was a bit of a hoarder...

THERAPIST: So is that what he's afraid of?

CLIENT: I think so. Because his mom like would just have like... She has like twelve different designer purses like over four hundred dollars each and like, you know, she just sort of accumulates stuff. [00:36:07]

I'm not trying to accumulate stuff because I sort of have, you know, I sort of set limits on myself and I, you know, continually throw out things that I don't want to don't need. Yeah, so I sort of set a space. I can't overfill a certain space. Like, for my nail polishes, I have a little bin that probably holds about twenty and so I was like, in one, out one. And the same with like shoes, I sort of look at like, you know... I do this with clothes too. I sort of look at sort of go through the closet and sort of, if I haven't work it in a year, it's probably not something I'm going to wear unless it's like a formal occasion. [00:36:57]

So I'm wondering if he... I mean, I guess it's something I have to talk to hi about.

THERAPIST: Yeah. So having a conversation on both ends of sort of what is it that really scares him about what you want to purchase and then your part is well where... What's the finances here? Like how much... When you say you're trying to save, like how much? So then it's more concrete.

CLIENT: Yeah and I think that's why. Maybe I'll talk about joining bank accounts so I can sort of see...

THERAPIST: So you can see it too. That might make it feel like it's more in joint control. This is a shared endeavor.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: We should probably wrap up there for today.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: I think we're not meeting next week but we are meeting the week after.

CLIENT: Okay. That's right before the trip.

THERAPIST: Yeah and then I know you have some trips. I want to make sure I know where and when you're here and when you're not here so that we can plan around that.

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