Client "SZ" Session May 6, 2013: Client discusses her recent engagement, eating rituals, and eating habits. trial

in Integrative Psychotherapy Collection by Caryn Bello, Psy.D.; presented by Caryn Bello, 1974- (Alexandria, VA: Alexander Street, 2013), 1 page(s)

TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:


BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: So I have to thank you for adjusting the time for me.

CLIENT: Oh no. I mean no worries. I mean, it's good that you could fit me in and my... I think that's how everyone sort of works if that... if their schedule was flexible and whatnot. I mean anything to help out because you help me a lot. But yes, so this week it was an interesting week but the very happy weekend.

It was interesting in the first part because I've been sort of diving into a project and my advisor and I were getting pretty excited about it. But... and I really want... I mean, a long time ago we had this sort of opportunity to write a paper but we sort of pushed the deadline. And now it's just sort of like whenever we write it, it's probably not going to be submitted into this journal. [00:01:11] But it will nevertheless be the good paper. And then this is sort of I've come to realize. But at first I was like I have to get this paper done. I have to do this project. I have to get results all before I leave this Thursday. And I was stressed out to say the least.

And it was just... and I also had a syllabus fair in... which is just sort of like making a poster of your course in the future. And I hadn't really done any work. I did design sort of a rough draft of a syllabus but never a poster. I didn't even like... I mean, there are a couple of things. These things always take a while. I guess when I'm doing a real serious academic poster, starting from scratch it takes forever. But fortunately I could take snippets of the rough drafts of course proposals. [00:02:05]

So that actually went smoothly. I'm really happy with the way my course sort of turned out. But nevertheless before Thursday night before I started on that poster I was just really sort of freaked out and I don't know. Jeremy (sp?) was like, "OK, we have to get your driver's license. We need to get it renewed. You can't be just bringing your passport to bars." And so he kept on saying, "We got to do it. We got to do it." And I was just thinking I cannot do this. I have to get a paper in. I have to get a project and I was really sort of like... the day he was like, "Ok, let's do it on Thursday." And so I put on my false eyelashes because that's normally kind of a family tradition whenever you get your driver's license taken. Sort of like a confidence thing.

And then he drives me and mid-driving he's like, "Oh..." He's like, "Well, I don't know how long it's going to take but I'll drop you off and we'll see how far we get. And then you can take the bus back." And he's like, "Oh, doesn't the 70..." He's like, "You need to take the 76 bus." [00:03:07] And was like the 76 bus does not go to where we're going. And I was just like ah. I was kind of groaning the whole time because I was just... it was not a priority. Even though from an outsider view it is a priority because your IDs needed practically for going anywhere besides CVS and even then if you buy over $150 when you write a check. It's just my ID was expired.

And I don't know. I just... I really didn't want anything to disrupt the mental thought, the day. I had so much stuff to do. I didn't have a poster made. And so I was really grumpily and fortunately it went by really quick. And Jeremy (sp?) was able to drop me off at (inaudible at 0:03:56) and... because he's like, "Oh well, now I can drop you off."

So that worked out very well but I was really grumpy. And I felt bad and later that day he went to therapy and him and his brother had a yelling... sort of a... he got yelled... I mean, there was yelling back and forth. So I felt really bad for Jeremy (sp?). And I just... on Thursday night he was just... I mean, he's just sort of like worn out and after throughout the day I talked to him. Like, "Oh, I hope you're OK. I know therapy was tough." I tried to make it up and it just didn't seem... like he was just... like ah. He's like, "Oh, just when someone yells at you all... you get yelled at all morning, it's just kind of a long day." And I was like well, I didn't yell that much. I'm grumpy and it was like you were taking a mule to get their license. And then I just sort of broke down about all stressed out I was.

And I don't know. I just... I didn't... I haven't been feeling so good because I guess I'm trying to get my life together and trying to figure out, how do I accomplish my goals? [00:05:14] We have slightly different schedules. I kind of get annoyed by him monitoring my snacking. And so I wasn't feeling like too good of a significant other.

But things got better after I created my poster. I had my poster session. I had fun making dinner and I sort of relaxed about the paper because I realize that there's no way I can... like I'm stuck. I'm sort of confused. I met with my advisor and now he's trying to incorporate everyone into this project which pissed me off because I did so much reading and preparation and the fact that we're bringing other people in. I know it takes a village but I was just sort of like... and I applaud her that my advisor was saying that I should pursue a postdoc in... or apply for a postdoc position which I definitely don't want to do. [00:06:14] I'd have to be on more annotative presence than I can handle. (chuckling)

I'm pretty excited about teaching and even though that's stressful, sort of being on your feet and interacting. It's hard but it's fulfilling. It might just be that naturally I don't want to do that. But when I do something I don't want to do, I'm happy and so that was... on Fridays things just started to resolve. And this weekend on Saturday, I was going to go to dance. But that just... we sort of woke... slept in. I have this habit of after Jeremy (sp?) goes to sleep I stay up for another hour and that's really me winding down. And normally I don't mind because I don't need as much sleep as he does. He's a little bit of a princess and the pea. [00:07:11]

So... and it actually works out really well because he's like, OK, I tuck him into bed. And he's like, "Don't stay up too late." And I'll be like, oh, I won't. And I normally stay up until 12:30 or 1:00 and it's just... it's very relaxing. And I find that naturally I'm a night owl. But I'm not staying up to all depths of the night. And I'm waking up at 8:00 or 8:30. Now of course if I have to wake up at 7:30, that's not a day that I take my hour to relax. But yea, so I wound up... we woke up late and we wound up not going to dance. Or I wound up not... deciding not to go to dance because we were going to go the ballet. And it's like... and then later at home warming party. I was like I just would rather spend time with you. So I was like, let's have a picnic. [00:08:01]

So I stretched and I was doing some reading of my research while I was going for a run and getting ready. And I was worried because Jeremy (sp?) had come back. Normally a run takes 30 minutes. But I also was very happy because then I could take my leisurely time to get ready. And then as it turns out it was after his run he had went to the wine store to pick up champagne which I didn't know about. And during our picnic he goes out... go out to one of the parks that we frequently picnic. And we sit down and I pull out this lunch box that's really heavy. And he's like, "No, no, no. That's dessert." And I just thought it was ice cream. I thought it was very strange. And as it turns out then he starts talking kind of giving a speech. [00:09:03]

But normally we give long talks about loving each other. I mean, that's one thing I really like about us even though it might be obnoxious or a little bit like the Seinfeld's Shmoopy episode. (chuckling) And then he keeps on talking and I was like, OK, well maybe this is going somewhere because I wasn't very nice last week. And maybe he's just trying to do constructive criticism. Say something nice and then say something I need to work on. And then he keeps on talking and says he wants me to be with him forever and to be his wife and then he proposes. And I was just really shocked. And of course I said yes.

THERAPIST: Exactly.

CLIENT: I mean, unfortunately I'm getting my ring sized right now so I feel a little self-conscious. [00:10:01] But... and of course I was surprised because it was a yellow diamond and I didn't know what a yellow diamond was. I thought it was a jewel. And I was like... and of course then there's an additional sort of like, what is it? Not like, oh my gosh. I was like, what is this? And then once I figured out what it was or he told me that they're actually rarer than diamonds. And putting it together that the diamond itself is 8,000. And I mean we were just hugging. And it was like it was just a really exciting time and all this sort of stress of me... I don't know. It was just a huge release.

THERAPIST: Yea.

CLIENT: I mean, it just... I don't know. I don't know if there's like subliminal anxiety. There's always sort of this anxiety within me whether I'm good enough, whether I'm... or my mom being around my mom and her getting upset because we're living in sin or... I mean, it was just a huge... I was really happy. [00:11:08] And as it turned out, when I talked... Jeremy (sp?) said he had asked for my dad's blessing. And wanted to know like, should I do it before the trip or after? And I was just... I found out that my mom... she was avoiding my phone calls because she knew. (chuckling)

THERAPIST: Didn't want to say anything.

CLIENT: Yea. And so it was just like... my dad said that he was... that the family was really happy to have him as a son-in-law. And it's just... it was just a huge relief. And I mean, I don't... but... and just to get all the congratulations and I just felt really happy. And later we were supposed to go to the ballet so we were going to go just celebrate with champagne and oysters. And I was like, you know... he's like, "Oh, but I don't think we'll have time." I was like, listen. We can be late to the ballet. [00:12:02]

And actually it turned out really well because we never went to the ballet. We just went to the home warming party after. And I just sort of think of not... I mean, I don't think of myself as a comforter or a person that makes logical, rational decisions but the decision to not go to the ballet and just celebrate the occasion. And I was like, "Jeremy (sp?), this happens hopefully once in a lifetime." (chuckling) And just to enjoy the moment and see where it takes us. And going to see our friends and having them... even though it was their home warming party, I felt bad but they were just so exciting about how it happened. And it was nothing like magnificent. It was just very real. And it was... I was surprised. [00:13:02] And it gets crazy. You hear all these engagement stories where the guy goes out to these heroic efforts to propose and I was just really happy. It didn't matter.

THERAPIST: Right. You have a really nice story.

CLIENT: Yea. (chuckling) And so... and yea. And then it was last... yesterday we wound up walking for nine miles through Boston. And originally it was just like... I just... because I was like, "Again, I overslept dance and I really don't feel like dancing. I just feel like spending time with you and walking in the sunshine." And so we did that and we went over to another friend's. It was like an Indian food fest. So... but it actually turned out very well because a couple of my really good friends were there.

And Jeremy (sp?) made the joke that he was like, "Oh, well, the 24 hours have passed. And I don't have any lingering doubts." (chuckling) At first I was just like, what's that supposed to mean? And then I was just like, oh OK. [00:14:07] He was like, "Well, you just want to make sure." And I was like, "Well, I think you would have had more doubts right after you spent the money." And he was like, "Well, I did have doubts." (chuckling) He was like, "You just want to make sure it's the right decision." And I was like, "Well, yea." And I was, "I think you're going to be OK, Jeremy (sp?)." (chuckling) I said, "I think I'm going to take care of you pretty well and you're going to take care of me."

So... but yea, I just... and another thing that I haven't done. This is the first four days that I haven't done it is have a morning snack. I've had a ritual recently for the past two or three months with cereal because at 10:00 or 10:30 I had to have three-fourths a cup or I just get very cranky. And my life was... I started to see that my life was dictated by when I could get that little bowl.

And part of the reason why I didn't want to go to group meeting was... I mean, maybe it was just sort of like I was using it as a reason to rationalize not wanting to leave home but... and then I'd be like I can't leave group meeting... or I can't leave for group meeting because after Jeremy (sp?) leaves I can't have this cereal if he sees me having cereal. But I must have it after he leaves. But that's going to take an hour and group meeting is at 11:00. So I just realized that I was really structuring my life around my eating habits. And it wasn't like... it's not like I have hypoglycemic or hypo, hyper. I don't have diabetes. There's no... and I'm actually a fine, healthy weight that I can... if I looked really longer, yea, I could eat something quick. [00:16:07]

But I didn't have to... I was using it really as a crutch and I was realizing how much I was eating just for the... because it was comforting. And yet it was also very limiting but I didn't want to let go. And I was finally... like on Friday when we didn't have... there was no more cereal but there was no... in the house. And there was no real time to go in early to my office and eat the cereal there. And so I was like really in a pickle of sort of like, what am I going to do? And I was like, OK. Well, let's just have a half-tablespoon of peanut butter and (inaudible at 00:16:54) that's a little less but you're going to be fine. And I went into this (inaudible at 00:17:01) I found out that I was fine.

On Saturday I didn't have a snack because there was no cereal. Maybe I did have a half teaspoon of peanut butter or half tablespoon of peanut butter. But I was fine. Sunday I went without a snack and instead I got Froyo and split it with Jeremy (sp?). And I found that it was actually more liberating that I don't need to have cereal to survive. It was really... I mean, in that sense when I was anorexic, cereal was sort of the free food. That and Froyo. And I was really... like I would be... and then eventually when I got into college, like I'd get cereal and I'd wake up in the middle of the night and eat it. And so there is such an emotional part of snacking and cereal and how I put in my mind that it's something that I need. I mean, there are many foods to eat and enjoy. And if you're hungry, by all means, you should eat. [00:18:13] But not rearrange your day for a certain ritual that's not necessary. That's not bringing you anything but comfort. I mean, I might as well be praying. In my religion if I want... if I'm seeking comfort or if I'm seeking relaxation.

And so I mean, I can't say whether or not it's going to return or not. I did put cereal on my Froyo but that was just as a topping. It wasn't the main course. It cereal. I can't... I mean, having any sort of dairy product with cereal on top is my favorite. It's a treat but I mean, I... it's kind of like the out of sight, out of mind. And if I can keep it out of my sight, then it's sort of something I want to break out of. [00:19:02]

THERAPIST: Because you don't want to have a morning snack or you don't want your routine dictated by morning snack?

CLIENT: Yea, I don't want my routine dictated by morning snack. I just sort of... I mean, I sort of realize like being without it. There's so much sort of this routine of sitting down after breakfast not being able to leave home until I have that morning snack. And I saw that I sort of... I don't know. For some reason I just I ask myself, why do I need that? Why do I need... I should just be able to eat and be done with it. And I've been seeing that in many sense it's because of the boredom of my work to keep me focused. And it's a reward. You're doing your work so you can eat. And you can eat this because you'll arrange the rest of your food accordingly. [00:20:03]

And so what I found that is that I was eating two cups of cereal every day, I wasn't feeling happy about it because it just sort of like... it's like sort of eating candy for your day. It doesn't... it's tasty in the moment. But maybe it doesn't make you feel better later on the day or maybe you feel like hungry or your stomach is empty.

And so I mean, I was... I came upon that realization that I don't want to be controlled by my habits. And I want to be able to eat other foods like sort of like on Thanksgiving when you have that big meal. And if you are so rigid upon like I have to have my breakfast, I have to have my lunch. But this thing between lunch and dinner, you're not going to be as hungry for it. And I saw that I was really avoiding events so that I could have my morning snack. [00:21:05] (pause)

And yea, so it sort of came as a realization and I sort of found that I'm also getting now that I pushed myself to leave, I actually enjoy like when I... because today I had to go on to Newbury Street to get the ring resized. I actually enjoy getting out, getting dressed up. It did take me longer than I would have preferred.

THERAPIST: How long did it take?

CLIENT: It took me an hour to get ready. And that was hair, makeup, packing up. I mean, for a certain extent I just get bored. But I was also like there's a part of me that wants to dress up. Normally like for school, for syllabus fair day I just sort of put gel in my hair and it was kind of wavy, kind of wild, kind of crazy. [00:22:07]

I realize that I was not blessed with the straight or curly hair. (chuckling) I am dressed with the frizzy... I wake up like a chia pet hair. And... but I also found... because now I change my makeup around so that I can put on a foundation and that goes by much quicker. It's actually just my hair that takes a while to do. And also dressing up nice rather than just putting on jeans and going. And there was a little bit of the obsessing when I do have something fancy to go to. But at a certain point, I tell myself, man this getting so boring. I'm tired of getting ready. Let's just go. It doesn't really matter. It's just... and I found myself not checking on my face so much.

And then actually my face is kind of clearing up because there's less scars because I would just pick at my face at home. [00:23:06] And because partially anxiety, partially because I grew up it was sort of like my mom loved popping our zits as kids and she passed on this love. And that was sort of another thing that I felt like I needed now that... because now if I'm getting ready at the same time Jeremy (sp?) is, I can't spend like 30 minutes in the morning popping zits or picking at a zit because he's watching.

And it's actually for the good. At first I was like I need my privacy. I can't get ready while he's getting ready. He's such a diva. He wants attention. And then I sort of saw that, well, I should be able to get ready if there's a mirror. And occasionally he's making a funny face but that's not what's taking all the time. It's obsessing about dry pieces of skin, if something is fully exfoliated, if... I was like I just need to get some... I just need to get over that and get over like... because now I sort of see like other people's faces. [00:24:08] And I'm like, well, wow, my face isn't that bad. I'm like so many people have so much worse acne and you don't see them stopping. And maybe they feel it inside, but I guess they put up with it and they deal with it.

And I guess also I sort of see that... my sister actually does have really bad hip pain. And so pain has been a big deterrent in her actually move on in life. But I sort of see that she has a hard time living life coping and just saying it's going to be OK. And in many times in life you have to deal with things that maybe aren't pleasant but you're going to live. You're going to be OK.

And I don't know if it's also... because I upped... well, I didn't technically up my prescription is still for 15 milligrams but I've been taking 20 milligrams. So instead of one and a half pills, two pills. [00:25:09] Because I guess I mean, I don't know. I shouldn't self-diagnose myself but I just felt like I need it and I've been so much happier. And I talked to Millie (sp?) and she's going to try and... I couldn't meet with her but she's going to send a higher prescription before I go for my trip. But I was... I feel like that medicine is also helping me.

But this time around I'm getting a lot better at not obsessing... or at least I'm getting to the point where I know that I... sometimes I fall into bad habits of washing my hands. But now at least I feel like when I fall into bad habits, it's not as bad. My hands don't get... I notice my hands get dry and now I put on lots of lotion. I learned to do it. If I... not to wash my hands so much. The next day, you scratch and maybe some... you scratch if you have dry skin or you scratch your scalp. [00:26:07] And I'm like this is kind of gross. I used to freak out, wash my hands, hand sanitizer. But now I'm just sort of like OK, it's just... everyone does that. Everyone sort of picks at their fingernails or scratches their nose or puts on makeup. These are not reasons to wash the hands.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 0:26:31).

CLIENT: Yea. You're not dangerous and there's nothing for me to harm because I'm fine, I'm healthy and I'm happy. And there are times I do get freaked out. Not necessarily but just sort of like sort of get grossed out. There is a Sharp (ph) disposal in the bathroom and I just sort of shudder. And I... and then I would tell... I was like, "Jeremy (sp?), there was a Sharp (ph) dispenser in the bathroom and it made me shudder." [00:27:03] And he was like, "Oh." He's like, "Yea, it's actually... it's probably because people have... so many people have diabetes." And I was like... and then I got more concerned about people having diabetes than the actual Sharp (ph) container. And yea, I told... of course. I just sort of feel like sometimes if I talk about it, it just sort of ends there like a child.

THERAPIST: Yea.

CLIENT: Yea. And I start feeling more open. And I was actually... for a long time I haven't talked... or every time I mention the word HIV, I sort of shudder because it was such a dominant part of my fears. And the other night I was talking to my friend about HIV because that's what work she wants to do. Working on getting pregnant mothers the appropriate medicine so that their babies don't wind up with HIV. And I was talking to her about the strains and more like from a scientific point of view. And it was nothing. [00:28:07]

I mean, it was funny because the guy that she hooked up with was the guy that I later hooked up with and got all scared about. So she knows every... all of it is nonsense. I mean, and so... I know she's not scared. (chuckling) I mean, but... and it was funny is because I forgot that guy's name. I couldn't remember it. So I sort of... I mean, I just wonder if there was so much... the sort of relief that I'm... relief and happiness that I'm feeling right now is I wonder a lot of anxiety was over whether would had actually ever find a mate or get married. Or I mean I haven't analyzed it. I mean, it's just a... it could just be that I'm really happy. But...

THERAPIST: Happiness is important.

CLIENT: (chuckling) Yea. And my friend said last night that she said I was absolutely glowing. And I am and I mean it's just sort of... it's... I don't know why. [00:29:06] I mean, it's just a huge relief and happiness.

THERAPIST: What does it mean to you to be officially engaged? I mean, it's something the two of you have been talking about. But now it's official.

CLIENT: Well, it just means that I'm going to have an awesome person to grow with and to make big decisions with and to be there for me and to put up with me. And to really... it's just sort of like kind of like a big hug. That someone like... I don't know. Yea, it's just... it's really comforting. That's kind of like the material version of what I would think of as God. Because my parents I sort of... I'm a little bit too old now to feel them as comforting. They can be comforting and they are very comforting when I actually confess and tell them. But I'm... they're not with me every day. And it's just like a warm, sort of fuzzy feeling like this... it's just everything that... the things that I believe about us. We're a good team. It's just sort of... I don't know. It just makes it so real, a lot more permanent. [00:30:19] It's not like the God that will disappear or the umbrella that will break. I mean, now it's like a... so it's a warm forever umbrella.

THERAPIST: It's nice to have that...

CLIENT: Yea.

THERAPIST: ...constancy.

CLIENT: Yea, it is. And now like I sort of like all my worries about oh, I'm a horrible person. (pause) Yea, sometimes I still do have these sort of moments where I was like I don't like how I act. And I think it's immature like when getting my driver's license I was acting like a little kid. And now I really apologized and there I just told him that I was just... it was not a priority in my brain even though it is a big priority in life. [00:31:01]

And said that part of also a thing of like I think that academics have a little bit of different life. And sometimes it's frustrating because, to him, his experience in college was different. He thought it was very much party and free. And for me, college is everything far away from that. I studied every day, every spare moment. And even now with graduate school, when he goes to bed I'll work or read papers or find papers to read the next day. So I mean there's... I mean, in one sense the schedule is more flexible but...

THERAPIST: But it's also always on.

CLIENT: Yes. (chuckling) And so...

THERAPIST: You never leave the office really.

CLIENT: No, no. And that's... so that was the one thing I realized that it's not something he can acknowledge but unless you live it, it's hard to understand. [00:32:03] And I know that being a student, being a graduate student, is also a little bit different than an undergrad because you're not doing these big, continuous research projects. They're not... I mean, it's kind of like you're constantly building and thinking and obsessing about it. And so I just sort of chalk it up to sort of some... I mean, I guess that's the thing is we are not the same people which I appreciate about him. And I think that once I get a job, I said things will be a little bit different because at least we'll be more in similar wave lengths to win up free time and when work time is. And... but... so... and yea, I'm just very happy and I must say that I'm very relaxed. [00:33:01]

And even today and when I went to anthropology and I left my iced coffee somewhere in the store. And I was like, where is it? But then I found it. It was on a shelf. And I was like wait. How do I know that's mine? And I was like, well, I remember putting it down there. I remember I was like that looks kind of like my lip gloss on it. I was like it might as well be mine. And what's the worst... what's the harm of it? And I was like, oh yea, it tastes pretty much like it. And then I sort of moved on until now I told you. I was like, I'm happy that I have it. I was like, wait, this wouldn't have... I look back two years ago and I'm thinking that would have never happened. I mean me to pick up the drink back in the middle of the store and drink it after being gone for it for like a few minutes as I was looking at jewelry. That would have never happened. And I just see how silly it is. [00:34:04]

THERAPIST: Being able to let go of the details a little bit and say, "Yep, this is probably mine. It's right where I left it. It's cool."

CLIENT: Yea. And I also remember talking to Jeremy (sp?) because as we were walking around where the bombing was, he was like, "Oh, you see. This is where the bombing was." And it sort of reminded me. I was like, "It was closed down for a while to repair it and for decontamination." And I said, "What would you do, Jeremy (sp?)?" I was like, "You are in this sort of bad situation. There's blood everywhere. Do you go in and help? Do you go in and run away and just don't want to be involved? Don't want to get into the dirty business?" And he was like, "Well..." He was like, "I think it would be OK what you see would fit." He's like, "I'd like to see myself as a person that would help my fellow neighbor and see it's all right." [00:35:02] And I was just thinking, that's actually a good answer. There's no point of obsessing about what I would do in the moment and whether...

THERAPIST: It's really hard. I also think it's really hard to predict.

CLIENT: Yea.

THERAPIST: It's such an intense and extreme and unlikely scenario. Most people are never going to find themselves faced with that particular scenario. It's unfortunate that it happened and people did have to move through that. But I think that his way of thinking about it is that you do what's right for you.

CLIENT: Yea.

THERAPIST: And the fact that people are made up of different experiences and different skills and different strengths and different fears means that if some people that are going to rush forward...

CLIENT: Yea. (chuckling)

THERAPIST: ...and some people that are going to protect people by taking them away. And you look at the photos of that day, there are adults carrying children away from the action. There are adults rushing toward the action. There are all sorts of different things that people are doing. [00:36:03] And thank goodness for them because otherwise...

CLIENT: I guess it really does take people of all sorts of strengths and abilities. And I think that's maybe what was so beautiful about it is everyone helped out the way they could.

THERAPIST: They way that they can.

CLIENT: And not everyone was the person rushing into the action. And not everyone was the one taking people away from the action. But I think everyone just wants everyone to be safe. And yea, I mean, it was... it's just... it's interesting. But I definitely like talking about my fears so they don't linger. It's just a lot easier to say, "Oh..." When I was sort of preoccupied with Sharps (ph), I just tell Jeremy (sp?). And Jeremy (sp?) was like... I was like, "Oh, well it's not about the drugs?" And he was like, "Well..." He was like, "How many drug addicts do you see in bathrooms?" And I was like, "Oh well, OK." He was like, "Most likely it's because people need shots for diabetes." And I was like, "Really? Seriously? They need to give themselves insulin that much?" [00:37:08] And he was like, "Anytime they overeat." And I was just like, "Oh."

And it just seemed to make logic sense. And I sort of see that to the stage of like I'm starting to relearn things. Relearn like, oh, should I be worried about this? And if he says, "Probably not," it's probably a good answer and being OK with that. And I think it's sort of having this sort of person that feels like an umbrella. They'll save you and put the...

THERAPIST: If you need saving.

CLIENT: Yep.

THERAPIST: Maybe the next step to look forward to is yes, having this person there is to save you if you need saving. But also being able to be able to do that for yourself. To ask yourself that question, "Is this something I need to be worried about? No, it's not for me to worry about." [00:38:03] And be able to do that for yourself.

CLIENT: Yea.

THERAPIST: Not that you need to always to do it for yourself but have the flexibility.

CLIENT: Yea.

THERAPIST: Sometimes being able to answer those questions for yourself and soothe yourself and sometimes turning to him if you need some extra reassurance.

CLIENT: Yea. No, and I remember that reminds me of back when I first... before I started seeing you. And I asked my poor roommate. I wondered why I like... so why did she get her own place after living with me? I'm not that horrible that I remember asking her like, "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Did I do this?" I gave her a lot of the responsibility now. I'm fine sitting down in public restrooms. And a lot of times I still have to ask. I really would like to wash my hands again for some reason. But I'm not. I'm just going to deal with it. I'm just going to move on. And I eventually move on. [00:39:01]

THERAPIST: Being able to do that.

CLIENT: So... but I do like... I see that when there are new things around it, to just ask a question if I can't solve it myself. But also getting to the point where I can just deal with it and think about something better. And I think that's sort of for the everyday life, that's actually been helping. And last week I was gone out of the house all week. And it was actually nice because I had just... I just sort of saw there was new routines, new things going on. And it is just sort of... I mean, I guess it's hard to improve and work on things. But it's also fulfilling and gratifying if you can move on and accept the worst and sort of be happy. And it's sort of like something like when (inaudible at 00:40:14) said, it's like, "Oh, you feel... you seem so much happier and less scared than you were in two years ago when I first met you." [00:40:21] And I was just so happy because I was like, "Yea, I have." I'm not going to be perfect and I'm not going to deal with situations better but I think that...

THERAPIST: You don't need to be perfect.

CLIENT: Yea. (chuckling)

THERAPIST: That's the goal is not perfect.

CLIENT: No, that's true.

THERAPIST: Always healthy, flexible.

CLIENT: Yea, and that's one thing when I recently wanted to address the cereal thing because that doesn't make me feel as flexible as I want to be. And there's nothing wrong with having a morning snack. I almost got a cookie and I was like, no. I want to hold out so I can get Froyo for lunch and with maybe cookies on top. [00:41:03] And I like being able to make that decision instead of saying I need this morning snack or I'm going to roll over and die.

THERAPIST: What about having both snacks?

CLIENT: Well, that wouldn't be bad. (chuckling) Yea, I mean, sometimes... well, like this morning I just took some peanut butter and that was... because I was like, well, peanut butter is organic. Peanut butter it has good oils in it and especially with almond butter. And doesn't have sugar in it so this is really good and tasty and it just sort of satisfies me. And being in tune for like if I'm really hungry, eating... trying to eat some food that will satisfy me. And I think that's sort of what I'm not being afraid of the snack or avoid it but actually asking myself, will that be a good decision? And I think that's sort of...

THERAPIST: That sounds like good criteria. [00:42:00]

CLIENT: Yea. (chuckling) Yea. And that's sort of like when Jeremy (sp?)... like it reminds me of when we went on our walk yesterday. And he's like, "Oh, I'm wearing my jacket." He's like, "Maybe I should wear my sweater." And I was like, "Well, how do you feel right now?" And he's like, "Comfortable." And I was like, "Well, do you think you would feel more comfortable if you had your sweater?" And he was like, "Well, it's... yea. It's a little bit easier to move around." I was like, "Yea, but what happens when the wind hits and we're walking downtown?" And sure enough, he was very happy with his jacket. And I sort of see that I should be asking myself like...

THERAPIST: What's going to make you comfortable.

CLIENT: Yes. And not make me avoid things that I should be attending to.

THERAPIST: So well, that sounds like a good place to wrap up and hold that thought.

CLIENT: Yes. And while I'm traveling I'm going to be having lots of opportunities.

THERAPIST: Absolutely, to make those decisions and check in with yourself. Let yourself hear your voice and you can use that to guide you. [00:43:04]

CLIENT: Yea.

THERAPIST: And then I see you after you get back.

CLIENT: Yep. Yep, that Monday at 8:30. Or no...

THERAPIST: Not until 9:30.

CLIENT: 9:30 OK, thank goodness. I don't think I could do 8:30.

THERAPIST: I'll double check. But usually 9:30 on Mondays.

CLIENT: Yea.

END TRANSCRIPT

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Abstract / Summary: Client discusses her recent engagement, eating rituals, and eating habits.
Field of Interest: Counseling & Therapy
Publisher: Alexander Street Press
Content Type: Session transcript
Format: Text
Page Count: 1
Page Range: 1-1
Publication Year: 2013
Publisher: Alexander Street
Place Published / Released: Alexandria, VA
Subject: Counseling & Therapy; Psychology & Counseling; Health Sciences; Theoretical Approaches to Counseling; Food and eating; Family and relationships; Teoria do Aconselhamento; Teorías del Asesoramiento; Eating behavior; Romantic relationships; Behaviorism; Cognitivism; Psychodynamic Theory; Integrative psychotherapy
Clinician: Caryn Bello, 1974-
Keywords and Translated Subjects: Teoria do Aconselhamento; Teorías del Asesoramiento
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