TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: Hi.

CLIENT: Hi. How are you?

THERAPIST: I'm all right.

CLIENT: You ask me how I am sometimes.

THERAPIST: How are you?

CLIENT: I'm great.

THERAPIST: Good.

CLIENT: Yesterday was a great example of how much this (unclear) holds me.

THERAPIST: Good.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Good.

((Pause): [00:00:48 00:00:57]

CLIENT: Yeah, it kind of holds me but other times it feels like I've been dropped (Pause) a little bit hard.

(Pause): [00:01:07 00:01:14]

CLIENT: (inaudible)

THERAPIST: Uh huh.

(Pause): [00:01:17 00:01:27]

THERAPIST: What about all day yesterday?

CLIENT: Well, I felt so good and I felt -

(Pause): [00:01:40 00:01:55]

CLIENT: On top of things, on top of (inaudible). And I could tell because I had such lovely interactions with Jeremy that I mean not that that's rare but the quality of the interactions was I didn't like want a whole lot from him. I was just happy to be so yeah, it was really, really nice. We bickered and cuddled on the couch and laughed a lot.

(Pause): [00:02:57 [00:03:06]

THERAPIST: Pretty awesome.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I think it was really nice to talk about the darkness here in the way we did and it's all understood.

THERAPIST: Good.

CLIENT: And about also I felt a little thankful for the material.

(Pause): [00:03:52 00:03:59]

CLIENT: I felt like -

THERAPIST: I'm not sure what you mean by "material."

CLIENT: Provides material for us.

(Pause): [00:04:13 00:04:21]

CLIENT: Which is like better for you to ask than (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:04:28 00:04:47]

THERAPIST: (Unclear).

(Pause): [00:04:47 00:05:24]

CLIENT: You behave differently with good things than you do with bad things (inaudible).

THERAPIST: You mean like with therapy?

(Pause): [00:05:36 -[00:05:47]

CLIENT: You sort of have a way of like ending the conversation.

THERAPIST: Okay. Humph.

(Pause): [00:05:53 00:05:58]

CLIENT: And a way of like opening the conversation when it's sad.

THERAPIST: Humph. I'm not intending, that I'm aware of, to end the conversation when it's good. I'm not doubting what you're saying, I'm just saying (unclear) like me to do that.

CLIENT: Well, you're probably aware like not wanting to poke around as much.

THERAPIST: (Pause): Maybe.

(Pause): [00:06:59 00:07:16]

CLIENT: Not my interpretive (inaudible) as much.

(Pause): [00:07:20 00:07:25]

CLIENT: Or ask questions.

(Pause): [00:07:25 00:07:56]

THERAPIST: Okay.

(Pause): [00:08:02 00:08:12]

THERAPIST: Yeah, I'm not sure about this being sort of good versus bad or other aspects of what you're talking about. I'm not sure.

(Pause): [00:08:32 00:08:53]

THERAPIST: Anyway I don't sort of like think that, particularly, and I'm not sure I want it to be that way and it is.

CLIENT: (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:09:13 00:11:06]

CLIENT: (inaudible)

(Pause): [00:11:06 00:17:38]

CLIENT: I'm needing for it to clear.

(Pause): [00:17:40 00:17:44]

CLIENT: (inaudible)

(Pause): [00:17:46 [00:18:02]

THERAPIST: For what to clear?

CLIENT: (inaudible).

THERAPIST: Huh?

(Pause): [00:18:03 00:18:15]

THERAPIST: (inaudible)

(Pause): [00:18:15 00:18:35]

THERAPIST: I don't feel distracted (inaudible).

CLIENT: I don't think you're preoccupied or distracted, but you seem think-y, the way your body language was.

THERAPIST: Maybe a little bit of reverie kind of thinking also. And we have been talking about that.

(Pause): [00:19:13 00:19:47]

THERAPIST: (inaudible)

CLIENT: (inaudible)

(Pause): [00:19:52 00:20:00]

CLIENT: Yeah, I was also waiting.

(Pause): [00:20:01 00:20:12]

THERAPIST: (inaudible)

CLIENT: I don't have any desire to say much or interrupt what was happening, not necessarily what was happening for you but (unclear) happening.

(Pause): [00:20:40 00:20:52]

CLIENT: It feels nice to not, it feels nice to (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:20:57 00:21:09]

THERAPIST: I guess whether I haven't said anything or asked anything is I got the impression you were kind of enjoying (inaudible). And enjoying (inaudible).

CLIENT: Yeah, I was enjoying that.

(Pause): [00:21:27 00:21:49]

CLIENT: You know my (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:21:49 00:22:09]

CLIENT: Still it's nice to have written it down over a period of a couple of weeks. It feels very comprehensive and not restricted, yet cleared and not (unclear).

(Pause): [00:22:24 00:22:51]

CLIENT: I enjoy thinking about it.

(Pause): [00:22:52 00:24:23]

CLIENT: Do you have any thoughts about it?

(Pause): [00:24:24 00:24:34]

CLIENT: That you would like to share?

THERAPIST: I kind of thought about something else, which may be related, but maybe it was but, which is -

(Pause): [00:24:45 00:24:56]

THERAPIST: Maybe it was (inaudible) or maybe it was different feelings about how more or not as alone with the really bad and disturbing things that you were talking about yesterday and it's easier to like relax here today and I think to feel relieved, and less compelled to perform. I mean you seem less that way, generally, I think recently, but it seems to me especially today.

CLIENT: Yeah, I think so.

(Pause): [00:26:04 00:26:22]

THERAPIST: (Unclear) worried.

CLIENT: I seem worried?

THERAPIST: Yeah, I think that's one aspect of having to perform is (unclear) but I think -

CLIENT: I think the like 16-hours and the fact that I've (inaudible) are completely erroneous in (inaudible) and (inaudible).

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: Like performing that sums up when I'm feeling really sad about seeing you for a couple of treatment.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: So part of what was so good about the interviews with (inaudible) I could relax and be with the other stuff and (inaudible) without much sadness. (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:27:52 00:28:07]

CLIENT: I mean that yesterday's session hadn't been on my mind the whole time I mean like a nice way. So I think that in addition to what happened yesterday's session (inaudible). Because ever since Monday -

THERAPIST: (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:28:33 00:28:41]

CLIENT: Yes, something fills that pretty quickly.

(Pause): [00:28:45 00:29:06]

THERAPIST: (inaudible) had to do with sadness, sadness, loneliness, anger, (inaudible) and (inaudible) and which I think have been worried to (unclear).

CLIENT: (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:29:39 00:29:47]

CLIENT: Not that I don't feel that way now.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:29:52 00:29:57]

THERAPIST: It occurs to me that you would also be worried that that wouldn't really connect around it. That I wouldn't have anything to say or it would just sort of hang there or -

CLIENT: I don't think that's true.

THERAPIST: The other thing I'm thinking is that I haven't got to your question about the list.

CLIENT: I know.

THERAPIST: Because I (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:29:57 00:31:00]

CLIENT: The idea of the list is like a vehicle for like for being very real and (unclear) things on my mind about this. It feels a little too structured now that there's a list but maybe we could call it something else.

(Pause): [00:31:18 00:31:38]

THERAPIST: It seems to be like positive and wonderful things that you feel about (inaudible).

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: That seems to be more important than its narrative organization.

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: And concerns.

(Pause): [00:32:08 00:32:19]

CLIENT: (inaudible)

(Pause): [00:32:19 00:32:27]

CLIENT: (inaudible).

THERAPIST: No. No. It's not that, it's -

(Pause): [00:32:32 00:32:40]

THERAPIST: Anticipating disappointing (inaudible).

CLIENT: Oh.

(Pause): [00:32:47 00:33:12]

CLIENT: You already said what you said yesterday was enough.

(Pause): [00:33:16 00:34:24]

CLIENT: It is a wonderful list.

(Pause): [00:34:26 00:34:34]

CLIENT: Is how I feel.

(Pause): [00:34:34 00:34:47]

THERAPIST: I guess I'm really saying that's wonderful -

(Pause): [00:34:49 00:35:48]

CLIENT: There was a nice point of contrast. Yesterday my mom called just to hear my voice as often, and like so she probably woke up at four in the morning with the thought that I should watch the "Big Bang Theory" because she thinks that it would be fun. Then she sent an e-mail about that. So this call was possibly on the same wavelength, a continuation. So she just asked, inquired about what I was doing, (inaudible) (Unintelligible). And at the end of the call she says, 'and the content is classic to me but then I'll spend things at the (unclear) is also classic,' she says, 'I just want to make sure that if this sadness continues that you start to take medication.' Like we had talked a lot about medication (unclear). And it was a nice time for here to say something like that because I was like so ready to receive it and so I said, 'oh, well, I don't think that's what I'll be doing, but I get what you're saying, that you think, and I agree, that some things might not some things are sustainable and some things are not sustainable and what I'm doing is figuring out a way for the sadness to be like not completely life rocking, figure out some way to make is sustainable enough to (inaudible)

(Pause): [00:38:32 00:38:40]

CLIENT: She was like, 'oh, okay. Well, just watch "The Big Bang Theory" if you get a chance.'

THERAPIST: I know "The Big Bang Theory" is a TV show, right?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: (inaudible).

CLIENT: I think it's a funny TV show.

THERAPIST: What's it about?

CLIENT: I think it's about physics students in college who are like really goofy and really smart. (Unintelligible). But that was a nice contrast to the way in which I was actually (inaudible). Whereas maybe had she called and delivered that message at a much worse time or at a time far, far away from our sessions, you know, day, it would have carried a different meaning for me and -

THERAPIST: (inaudible).

CLIENT: (inaudible).

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: But the lack of confidence like creeps in a lot and I would have just feels, and I think it's just how I've been given advice or guidance in the past, and it feels really good to be told something concrete. So I don't know that it would hurt. I think it hurt a lot yesterday.

THERAPIST: I think it ultimately makes you feel like there's really something the matter with how you feel.

CLIENT: Well, yeah.

THERAPIST: I think that's the disturbing part. (Unclear) and hurtful.

CLIENT: It was hurtful.

THERAPIST: Uh huh.

CLIENT: And like that it's something that there is a fix to which I don't -

THERAPIST: I don't believe is true.

CLIENT: And that I need to fix.

(Pause): [00:41:25 00:42:12]

THERAPIST: So I think it's either something like quite confrontational in the most understated way and so you say, 'I don't think I'll be doing that,' or, 'I won't be doing that.'

CLIENT: (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:42:23 00:42:31]

CLIENT: Yeah, I haven't said very many things like that to her before.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: (inaudible).

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:42:39 00:42:47]

CLIENT: But with a lot more defiance and anger and yesterday it was almost sad.

THERAPIST: (inaudible).

CLIENT: Telling me a sad thing in a sad way and I'm not going to choose it from at least from what I know now.

THERAPIST: Uh huh.

CLIENT: (inaudible).

THERAPIST: I imagine in a way it's pretty hard to feel that kind of distance with her. That's my impression anyway. But that's often how it is or how you want it to be.

CLIENT: No, that's why I (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:43:31 00:44:42]

CLIENT: I think I really get it. I know (inaudible) why you wanted to reach out (inaudible). It's not that obvious why (inaudible) unless your relationship is (inaudible) much different from my brother's.

(Pause): [00:45:14 00:45:44]

THERAPIST: (Unclear) to be.

(Pause): [00:45:45 00:46:27]

CLIENT: Have a nice weekend.

THERAPIST: Thanks, you to.

END TRANSCRIPT