TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
CLIENT: Okay.
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: How are you doing?
THERAPIST: I'm okay. How are you?
CLIENT: Good. (PAUSE) I had this cool woman experience. (PAUSE) It made me all happy about being a woman. I like those experiences. It happens a lot in eastern cultures and, in a way, different than the way it happens in the west.
THERAPIST: Hmm. [00:01:09]
CLIENT: I got my eyebrows threaded which is what they do if you have to remove hair.
THERAPIST: What does it involve?
CLIENT: It involves a piece of thread... That's the main thing. Like some thread and (PAUSE) you basically like sort of cross it over itself. (PAUSE) You... So there's like your two hands and your mouth and you somehow like get a long piece of thread, hold one piece in your mouth, hold, like, loop one piece around your, one of your fingers and like your other hand is the moving hand. [00:02:07]
CLIENT: And what forms in the middle, what you form in the middle after repeated like crossing over is this tiny little (PAUSE) basically like hole or loop that you can use to grab individual hairs and pull them out.
THERAPIST: Wow.
CLIENT: So it's similar to like tweezing. But you can also cut hairs with the thread. It's very sharp.
THERAPIST: Is it kind of like a fishing line kind of?
CLIENT: No. It's just sewing thread but it.. (PAUSE) If you get like a single piece of hair in a thread loop and you just like pull the loop tight, it will cut the hair. [00:03:01]
CLIENT: So the result is that you will have extreme precision over... And you just.. It's sort of this fluid motion where you just sweep over the area and the result is like a lot more shape and control compared to like waxing for example where you just sort of like slop the wax on there and you get what you get off.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: So then there are these women who do it. It's like... It's this thing where you go in and there's all these people sitting around and they're working there. And there's always like some kind of soap opera or movie playing. It's a tanning salon too so there's an interesting cross section of people. [00:03:57] So today, there were... There was a woman already in there. I think she was like half and half something else, maybe black. And she was like not enjoying it. It was her first time. And she was like, "Oh..." And she was like moaning and asking her to stop saying, "Why do you women do this?" And so the women were like giggling, giggling, giggling. I'm giggling. And I'm sort of... She's like, "How are you still sitting there?" She's like touching my arm. I've been doing this for like fourteen years of something. So I was like, "Yeah. It hurts. But you get used to it and it's worth it. It's better than... It's better than anything else." And she was like, "Oh no. Oh no." She started like making this huge scene. [00:05:03] And then, when the lady gets to my upper lip, like this part, there's some like involuntary tearing that sort of happens.
THERAPIST: Sure.
CLIENT: Which is totally so painful.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: So I start like straining tears and this woman is like, "Oh. You're crying. I cried for that part too." The other woman was like, "What? What?" Like, "Yeah. I cried for that too." So there's like tissues and this other woman is like not comforted and it's just this really nice arch. And then, they're so proud of their work. They show you in the mirror and then you get a massage. You get an eyebrow massage. It is the best thing ever.
THERAPIST: Wow. [00:05:55]
CLIENT: You should try it sometime. It's like a little bit of oil or lotion. And that's like also a very important part of this (PAUSE) mind, body, blood flow, skin restoration, like, experience. (PAUSE) And then like I didn't have cash and I didn't have my credit card. And then it's like, "Oh, okay. Pay us next time." (PAUSE) It was like... Experiences like that don't happen a lot in this country.
THERAPIST: Oh they do? You mean... (PAUSE) When you say "experiences like that" you mean the whole thing.
CLIENT: The whole thing, yeah. (PAUSE) Did you get migraines as a kid?
(PAUSE) [00:07:00]
THERAPIST: No. I don't think so
CLIENT: There was (inaudible at 00:07:19) has been through all this tough stuff. He's eleven. He went through this discovery of his OCD and exploration of the sort of therapy based treatment for a while. Things are good. Now he's scared of developing terrible migraines like ten and two weeks. He has then twice a month for the last year.
THERAPIST: Oh. [00:08:01]
CLIENT: So I had a nice moment with Felicity (ph) where she told me about... She was telling me about this and she told me about this headache clinic down at the hospital and it's like the most collection of services I've ever heard of.
THERAPIST: Wow.
CLIENT: It's experimental. There's neurology. There is... There are behavioral psychologists, like child psychologists. There are also like various CVT... I don't know. I don't know all the different gradations. But there are a lot of therapy people. There's acupuncture. There's biofeedback. There's reiki (ph), massage, and then there's like all these... There's like a coordinator who helps you through all the... [00:09:05]
CLIENT: So Jaden (ph), who's eleven years old has got to pick the things that resonated with him. And the neurologist handed him pills and he's like, "No. I can't take pills."
THERAPIST: Hmm.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: He chose to do biofeedback and acupuncture. (PAUSE) Which is so cool. Have you don't biofeedback? I think it's really legit. (PAUSE) And then I've just... I've been imagining what it would be like to grow up to like be eleven and be equipped with these tools.
(PAUSE) [00:10:00]
CLIENT: I think it would... I think it's going to be life changing.
THERAPIST: That's good.
CLIENT: And to think that he could have chosen medication (inaudible at 00:10:19) But that's such a different... That gives you such a different relationship with your pain (inaudible)
(PAUSE) [00:11:00]
(PAUSE) [00:12:00]
CLIENT: Most people... I wonder if most people think that being in therapy requires you to be active. Because it feels to me like there's such (PAUSE) like I'm constantly trying to be more active which is not a very passive thing to me. [00:13:11]
CLIENT: (LAUGHTER) (inaudible at 00:13:19) (PAUSE) I guess I'm not trying (inaudible)
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: And also I think working on the feelings that like sometimes can tell you to be active. [00:14:07]
CLIENT: Yeah. (PAUSE) That's comfort.
THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:14:23)
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: I think I need to be more clear about what it means to be active. [00:15:01]
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: Well it seems to me that the way that it's often come up between us which is (PAUSE) sort of... (PAUSE) Well... (PAUSE) Is, I think, a lot to do with you actively doing stuff to me and like with how you use sort of the space with asking me questions or like trying to get to know me in some ways... [00:16:05]
THERAPIST: Which I think is for a lot of reasons but I think among them is you worry if you don't do those things, I think that I like... You won't be there for me in the same way (inaudible at 00:16:27) (PAUSE) You won't be in the same place for me or that I won't see you in the same way.
CLIENT: Or...
THERAPIST: Or that you won't... Yeah. Go ahead. (PAUSE) Or you won't know how to make sure that doesn't happen. [00:17:03]
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: That it won't happen that you will stop seeing me in the same way?
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: Well, that's hard because I don't... (PAUSE) I think I know how you see me in important ways. I don't think I know how you see me in my own way. So like why I'm trying to affect the less important ways. I think I am (inaudible at 00:17:53) I think it's hard to change the way (inaudible) [00:18:01]
CLIENT: Like some of it is habit. Some if it is quite conditioned.
THERAPIST: I wonder if you feel as though I'm telling you you should be different.
CLIENT: This is always where we end up.
THERAPIST: Yeah, yeah.
CLIENT: This exact exchange. Like I'm making it sound like I feel like you want me to change it. (PAUSE) I think that is how I, that is what it sounds like. I mean, I don't actually think that you want me to be in any way other than the way I am. I think that's... [00:19:05]
CLIENT: That's serious. That's what I get from you. That's important. But I do think somehow like... There's like this, a shared value that's developing around recognizing performance and maybe not, maybe recognizing how it is without as much performance or active manipulation or...
(PAUSE) [00:20:00]
CLIENT: It makes me anxious.
THERAPIST: Yeah. For me, the central point is the anxiety.
(CROSSTALK)
THERAPIST: Excitement can be good. There can be good kinds of arousal. You've already got one of them really.
CLIENT: I think the line is blurred for me. (PAUSE) Like if I think that... Actually I remember (PAUSE) there are people in my life who...
(PAUSE) [00:21:00]
CLIENT: It's so hard to explain. Who I think of differently and sort of love differently and love a little more because they remind me of you, in some ways. So Brian (ph) the farmer is one of them because the farm is like at your house. That's hard for me because I am walking there more. So that's like superficial. But it's like there. I feel it. I kind of want it to be my own thing. I kind of want to share it with you too.
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: Share in terms of talking about it with me or share in terms of... [00:21:59]
CLIENT: In like a magical thinking kind of way.
THERAPIST: Like together.
CLIENT: Yeah. Like I'm closer to you or like you might go there someday. (PAUSE) And that's so powerful. It's surprisingly scary how powerful that is. I think also being on a farm is powerful. We were talking about a... I don't know. (PAUSE) Like the (ph) grocery store... I feel like I wouldn't... That's not a very evocative place.
THERAPIST: The farm is.
CLIENT: Yeah. The farm is... All you do is sit and weed tomatoes or pull hundreds of bulbs of garlic. What am I going to think about? (LAUGHTER) And it's long and hot and it's painful but it's also beautiful and that's how this is. [00:23:05]
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: That sounds sensual.
CLIENT: It's very sensual. Everybody's butts are in the air on the farm. Do you know what I mean by that?
THERAPIST: Yeah. I think I do.
CLIENT: Like you go to the farm and all you see are these butts.
THERAPIST: Yeah. Everybody is bent over. Yeah. I had in mind just putting your hands in the dirt...
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: ...things like that. But yeah. Everybody's butts are exposed.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: And there's like animals and there's a little girl. There's so much about what I think about (inaudible at 00:24:01)
THERAPIST: Like what? [00:24:03]
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Like a father and a family structure, what the work, the valued work and the work I'm (inaudible)
THERAPIST: What about that? A father and a...
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: So many shortcomings.
(PAUSE) [00:25:00]
CLIENT: Well, a farm is like this potentially family thing. It's not really for Brian. He's a first generation. His family didn't own it. But I wonder about like... I wonder what it's like to have a sort of doctor father. (PAUSE) And... (PAUSE) I don't know. I think a lot about the value of work and what a human can do and your commitment to you work is very apparent to me. [00:26:17]
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Like in a lot of different ways... I wonder if it comes from being yourself or like you watching your father.
THERAPIST: How is it apparent?
CLIENT: You don't leave that much. You don't leave me. (PAUSE) Like you really could. You could leave a lot more and you don't. You also don't take notes and the one time you tried, you couldn't. But maybe you'll try more. [00:27:09]
CLIENT: Maybe you take... Do you take notes elsewhere? Do you write things down when we're not together?
THERAPIST: Not too much. (PAUSE) The notes that I take when (inaudible at 00:27:39) they're more for like during the session.
CLIENT: Yeah. I get that. I see how that would be useful for both of us. (inaudible) [00:28:05]
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Yeah. And then like seeing Darla (ph) running around, Brian's daughter. I want to be her. I want to be with her. (PAUSE) Jeremy (ph) noticed that like right away and said something about it to me the first time we were there.
(PAUSE) [00:29:00]
CLIENT: He surprises me by how perceptive he is and how much he knows about me because he never tries to use it to make me do anything or change me (inaudible at 00:29:23) or endearing. Like it's either, "This is how you are at the moment. I'm so perceptive that I pick it up. But I'm not going to do anything about it or move it," or it's so loving. This is one of those things where I was just meeting Darla and going around the farm with her. And then on the way home, "You just wanted to be her. You just wanted to hold her hand and be with her all day, every day." [00:30:01]
CLIENT: And I could just see... I don't know. (PAUSE) (inaudible at 00:30:15)
THERAPIST: Sounds pretty awesome.
CLIENT: What? Having him?
THERAPIST: I mean, yes. I meant, more specifically, just kind of how he is about it
CLIENT: Yeah. (PAUSE) Yeah. He's pretty incredible. (PAUSE) So Darla talked... I've only been twice to the farm. The second time she recognized me, ran up to me, and started talking about... She calls her dad Brian. [00:21:05]
THERAPIST: How old is she?
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Eight? Seven, eight? So... Brian brought up the sprinkler and... It's just this amazing world and it was so easy for me to just like be in her world and understand it. And the way that I did that was by asking a lot of questions.
THERAPIST: Ahem, ahem.
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: But I'm very conscious of keeping a lot of space and not like filling it with my questions. Somehow that's really important to me.
THERAPIST: Not to crowd her or...
CLIENT: Yeah. And I wonder if you appreciate that about me at all. I don't know how much that comes out here.
THERAPIST: It does. (PAUSE) No. I think you are very much more (inaudible at 00:32:47) space. Like for various reasons. Partly because...
(PAUSE) [00:33:00]
THERAPIST: Like how efficient and partly because (inaudible)
CLIENT: You need it. (PAUSE) Some people don't need it.
THERAPIST: How do I need it?
CLIENT: Because you're slow...
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: ...and you're careful. I don't know. I feel like there's a lot that you don't say and it's really important that you say the things you want to say and not the other things. So I want to respect that. [00:34:17]
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: I have to pee and then I would like to show you some art.
THERAPIST: Sure. Maybe I'll go while you leave.
(PAUSE) [00:35:00]
(PAUSE) [00:36:00]
CLIENT: Done. Therapy person takes a bunch of time off.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: I don't think it's actually a bunch of time of. So relative to you it feels like so, such an abandonment. I get really mad. [00:37:01]
THERAPIST: At his therapist?
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Which is like completely (inaudible at 00:37:25)
THERAPIST: Maybe. Maybe not.
CLIENT: Okay. So, I've been painting a lot and it comes almost entirely from this. So I think it's important to show you. I don't know if I should talk about it first. [00:38:03]
CLIENT: I don't know. There are two. I don't know which one to do first.
THERAPIST: Pardon?
CLIENT: There are two and I don't know which one to do first.
THERAPIST: Hmm... (PAUSE) Let me see them.
CLIENT: Okay. I'll just give them both to you and I have things to say.
(PAUSE) [00:39:00]
THERAPIST: What would you like to say? [00:39:57]
CLIENT: That one is the "Thingamabobber of Hope." (PAUSE) I've never done any visual art or taken any classes. This is the first thing I've done. (PAUSE) Anyway, so this...
THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:40:25) It looks exactly like a thingamabobber.
CLIENT: Doesn't it? (PAUSE) So it's the thing that feels like I've sort of disappeared or... It used to be bright and central and like fill me with lots of conviction.
(PAUSE) [00:41:00]
CLIENT: Direction. (PAUSE) And it has a much more like mercurial personality now. Like it just goes away. And it sort of like is (inaudible at 00:41:35) (PAUSE) Have you read or seen Harry Potter?
THERAPIST: I read all of them.
CLIENT: Good.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: So Quidditch... What's the thing called?
THERAPIST: Quidditch match. [00:42:09]
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:42:15) (WHISPERING) This came out of like some time (inaudible) She's very cool. (inaudible at 00:42:53) [00:42:59]
CLIENT: So we were having a rare sort of frank conversation about darkness and light and I sort of put... I put an image and a name and feeling and like a whole construct to this that night. Like, "Wait a minute. There's this thingamabobber that like sort of bounces up and down for me, like in my head." And Cassie (ph) and Jeremy also felt like they had one too. (PAUSE) It's something that (inaudible)
(PAUSE) [00:44:00]
THERAPIST: It feels kind of hope...
CLIENT: Hope filled or hopeful. (PAUSE) Hopeful. That's useful.
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: Into the dark here?
CLIENT: Radiates hope into the dark.
(PAUSE) [00:45:00]
CLIENT: What do you think about that idea?
THERAPIST: The thingamabobber of hope?
(PAUSE) [00:46:00]
THERAPIST: There's something about it that I think is a little sad.
CLIENT: I feel choked up talking about it. It's sad.
(PAUSE) [00:47:00]
(PAUSE) [00:48:00]
THERAPIST: I... (PAUSE) There are two things. But I think what I'm wondering about now is, you know, is that something you want to be for people? And (PAUSE) you're questioning or more doubtful about that than you used to be. [00:48:55]
CLIENT: I am that for people. (PAUSE) My mom and dad and Jeremy (inaudible at 00:49:11) (PAUSE) I can see it in the way that (inaudible) (PAUSE) It's very heavy sometimes.
THERAPIST: To be a burden?
CLIENT: Mm hmm.
THERAPIST: Yeah. [00:50:01]
CLIENT: You know, some of it is tangible. I think I have a... I mean, everybody has a (inaudible at 00:50:27) There's something about the way that maybe they look to me and value me and tell me that they value me and (inaudible) and tangible things. Sort of like a sigh of relief when I'm home. And really, my brother gets it too but not failure (inaudible) [00:51:07]
CLIENT: Like there's a very specific thing that they tell me. So some of it is I will fly from Providence for Mother's Day and do that throughout the year and put up decorations for people's birthdays or go out and pick flowers from the garden or, you know, sort of like demonstrative, demonstrations from me. I don't know like how I feel about the urge to do all those things. It's a little bit. It can be too much. [00:51:59]
CLIENT: Not that it's increased or anything. It's just that I'm relating to it. And Jeremy just like becomes happy when I come home and he tells me, "I was waiting for you so now I'm happy." (PAUSE) But I wonder about what you said about finding it more difficult now. Well, certainly feeling like (inaudible at 00:52:55)
(PAUSE) [00:53:00]
CLIENT: It's almost like I've lost sort of two life giving forces, life providing forces.
THERAPIST: How do you?
(CROSSTALK)
THERAPIST: I see.
CLIENT: And my little...
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:53:37)
THERAPIST: Alright. Yeah.
(PAUSE) [00:54:00]
CLIENT: What?
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: I just looked at it again and had another association of it as a boob which fits.
CLIENT: (LAUGHTER)
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: It fits what? [00:52:59]
THERAPIST: Well, what we're talking about about being like nurturing.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Yeah. It could be a boob. (PAUSE) I like boobs.
THERAPIST: What about them?
CLIENT: Well, they're really hot. (PAUSE) I don't think I'm particularly hard to arouse. That probably doesn't surprise you. When I think of nice boobs of my boobs or anyone's boobs... (PAUSE) Yeah. They're just... They're really... They're very, very arousing for me. So sometimes, I'll go to... I will like imagine boobs like during sex at different times to make it more pleasurable for me or to like get there. But... (PAUSE) I guess I'm making it sound like a tool. It's more like a special treat.
THERAPIST: Like some fantasy. [00:57:01]
CLIENT: Mm hmm. It feel amazing to have... When Jeremy like kisses or sucks or touches my boobs. (PAUSE) And it looks good. (PAUSE) And we're sort of naked a lot in the house. So they're around. They're part of the scene.
(PAUSE) [00:58:00]
CLIENT: I've taken showers with (inaudible at 00:58:27) Some of my contacts for boobs comes from them. (PAUSE) They're both (inaudible) (PAUSE) Oh. And boobs are important because (PAUSE) because of bras which are like horrible. [00:59:11]
CLIENT: I like stop... Sometimes I'll just stop wearing a bra for a while. It's happened in various times of my life. Last year it happened from January to maybe the beginning of the summer just because I had come from that difficult juncture with Kelly (ph) and I was writing that dissertation proposal. And somehow, wearing a bra just felt so awful, like insult to injury. So I just stopped. I didn't wear a bra for like five months and it felt so good. [01:00:05]
CLIENT: I'm lucky that I can like do it comfortably. (PAUSE) Many women can't. And then, since then, I have only worn... Do you know the company (ph)? (PAUSE) It's a wool... It's like an organic wool.
THERAPIST: Yeah. I do. I was thinking it was a bra manufacturer.
CLIENT: (LAUGHTER)
THERAPIST: It's sort of outdoorsy.
CLIENT: They're based in Maine. I'm not very brand focused but when there are good products that come from Maine, I try to support it. [01:01:07]
CLIENT: The whole family... This is one where you can wear it for seven days in a row and it won't smell and it's very comfortable and soft and it's very expensive. But over the years, I've accumulated enough bottoms that I don't wear anything else. And these are like fifty dollars a pair. It feels so ridiculous. But it's very comfortable and they are nice colors. So at the end of my no bra time last year when it was becoming hard to be respectable in lab, I found out that they makes bras that are essentially like glorified sports bras. But they're mostly wool and they don't... [01:02:03]
THERAPIST: They're somehow not itchy.
CLIENT: They're not itchy.
THERAPIST: Oh.
CLIENT: Yeah. (PAUSE) So since then, I've only been wearing those bras. They're not particularly concealing. I have quite nipply boobs.
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: What?
CLIENT: (LAUGHTER)
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER) Did you surprise yourself with that?
CLIENT: (LAUGHTER) You nodded and you said, "Mm hmm." I just stopped to think about that for a second.
THERAPIST: I know that was the object of what you said. But what did you think of it?
CLIENT: I just wondered if you had noticed and that's what you had nodded about. Like, "Yeah, uh huh. I know that you have a nipple visibility situation." [01:03:15]
CLIENT: So boobs are... Boobs and bras go together okay when they're comfortable. But not as good as no bra.
(PAUSE) [01:04:00]
CLIENT: Sometimes I summon or invite you to sex. (PAUSE) Like kind of a way of doing (inaudible at 01:04:31) And it confuses me when I do it because sometimes when I don't invite you and you still appear, it's so frustrating and horrible (PAUSE) and invasive. (PAUSE) But then other times, I want you.
(PAUSE) [01:05:00]
CLIENT: It feels so strongly like what we should be doing. (PAUSE) And it feels so natural to just sort of just pretend that Jeremy's penis is your penis.
(PAUSE) [01:06:00]
THERAPIST: What do you think we do that makes it feel so erotic here sometimes?
CLIENT: Look at each other.
(PAUSE) [01:07:00]
CLIENT: And play (ph). (PAUSE) I mean, I think it's... Some of it is self-described also as you show somebody unconditional kindness and acceptance and it's very different from any kind of relationship. So maybe for some people, that it more reminiscent of a parent or... I don't know. For me, it's some combination of a lover and (PAUSE) a friend. [01:08:11]
CLIENT: (inaudible)
THERAPIST: (inaudible at 01:08:37)
(PAUSE) [01:09:00]
(PAUSE) [01:10:00]
CLIENT: And we... (PAUSE) We like each other.
THERAPIST: Mm hmm.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: We're good together. (PAUSE) I'm sort of like full of self-doubt when I say that but it's how I feel. [01:11:01]
THERAPIST: Mm hmm. (PAUSE) Do you want to talk about the sort of thoughts and images and fantasies that you have?
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: I don't know. (PAUSE) Recently it wasn't...
(PAUSE) [01:12:00]
CLIENT: It was so easy and natural to imagine that I was stroking your penis and you were moaning like when I was with Jeremy. (PAUSE) And you were touching me while Jeremy was touching. These fantasies aren't... They're so entangled with what happens between me and Jeremy. [01:13:03]
CLIENT: But, yeah, I can recall your face and can imagine like what you would sound like and I'm aroused. If you would sound like anything. I'm sure about that.
(PAUSE) [01:14:00]
THERAPIST: How would you describe that?
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: I don't know.
(PAUSE) [01:15:00]
CLIENT: Soft and (PAUSE) also like kind of involuntary and (PAUSE) like sort of the way that I... [01:16:07]
CLIENT: I mean... (PAUSE) That I make a sound because it feels so good because I can't not make a sound. Sort of like that sound. I guess it's hard to describe. Sort of like a humming, moaning.
THERAPIST: Uh huh. Like spontaneous. Like kind of outside of control.
CLIENT: Right.
THERAPIST: I think we just have a few minutes.
CLIENT: Can we talk about the other one?
THERAPIST: Yeah. Of course.
(PAUSE) [01:17:00]
CLIENT: That one is my feeling as a (inaudible at 01:17:11)
THERAPIST: I'm thinking mushrooms.
CLIENT: (inaudible) that day when I said free association (inaudible at 01:17:31) because it... (PAUSE) Like I had gotten just a little taste and I hoped to get more of how it's just about not knowing what the unconscious connections are. But they're there. So uncovering them (inaudible at 01:18:01) [01:18:03]
THERAPIST: I see. So that's why it's not (inaudible) Like a person suggesting it knows full well.
CLIENT: Yeah. But, I mean, it's not about you. It's about what happens between us (inaudible at 01:18:35) (PAUSE) Yeah. Those are... That's sort of like the... The background is the (inaudible) part of my, yeah, unconscious network (inaudible) thoughts or feelings. [01:19:15]
CLIENT: And I guess if it were a much more involved piece there would be like very thick and strong connections that gave rise to conscious things that were very hard to get rid of and there would be more dynamic evolving connections that would sort of appear and disappear.
(PAUSE) [01:20:00]
THERAPIST: We need to stop.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: When I realized that it matches your office, which happened pretty early on, I was not pleased.
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER) Thank you for showing me them. I think they're great.
CLIENT: Thanks. I think I'm going to (inaudible at 01:20:47) But just to be clear, I do think it would go very good here. It's just something that I'm going to have to live with. [01:21:05]
CLIENT: Are you alright?
THERAPIST: Yeah.
END TRANSCRIPT
