Show citation

TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:


BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

(PAUSE)

CLIENT: (SIGH) So... (LAUGHTER) (PAUSE) My... My mother came today. She was supposed to come tomorrow. (LAUGHTER) And... (LAUGHTER) (PAUSE)

THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)

CLIENT: So I don’t know what to make of that one. (LAUGHTER)(PAUSE) [00:00:59]

It’s funny on several levels. We’ve been planning this trip... She’ll be here for a month.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: We’ve been planning this trip for approximately two months. She kept on saying the fifteenth. We rented a place for her for ten days. Then she’ll stay at my cousin’s for the rest of the time. She kept on saying the fifteenth. I kept on asking her to send the itinerary and... I don’t know. She thought she did. So I’m talking to her yesterday and my stepfather was flying to Madagascar to visit his daughter. And their sewer main broke right before they were going to leave for several months. [00:02:01]

So I’m talking to her and she starts looking at the, at the plane ticket. (LAUGHTER) She says, “Oh, I’m arriving tomorrow at seven AM.” (LAUGHTER) So... (PAUSE) (SIGH) So I was... I don’t know. I was very upset about it. I don’t know (inaudible at 00:02:27) but it was classic of my mother. And, you know, she arrived and she was very sweet and we’ll put her up tonight in some place for a while. And she left a big bag of clothes and apparently they weren’t washed. So I had go down with her and (LAUGHTER) put the dirty clothes in the washer. And this was also kind of classic. [00:03:03]

And she sat there just like pulling clothes out of this gigantic bag on the basement... (LAUGHTER) And it just felt completely out of control. So it was very funny that I came forty five minutes early. (PAUSE) Funny or something.

THERAPIST: Sure.

CLIENT: Um... (PAUSE) But it was interesting. I mean... (SIGH) (PAUSE) I’m way, way tired. I don’t suppose that’s a change of state from the last two months or so, two and a half months. But I was really feeling it this morning.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: You know, so she called at seven. I think I had two hours sleep on one end and one hour sleep on the other end which is... (PAUSE) Usually, it’s a bit better.

THERAPIST: Yeah. [00:04:11]

CLIENT: But Jennie’s (ph) been kind of insomnia which is unusual for her as the semester approaches. So... (PAUSE) So I took more shifts than I usually do. (PAUSE) And by the time my mom showed up, I was just like, “Oh fuck.” You know? (PAUSE) The very strange thing was, you know, that as soon as she arrived... (PAUSE) I don’t know. It was fine. I just started folding laundry. And, you know, I’m... (PAUSE) Maybe it was just needing a counterpoint to... I’m not quite sure what to make of this. It’s still very undigested. So... [00:05:05]

It may be with thinking about alongside spiders and whatnot. (PAUSE) I don’t know. I felt productive and kind of focused and it was as if sort of the, you know, the (inaudible at 00:05:29) example object of something was an adequate contrast... It provided an adequate contrast for me to feel effective. And I did. You know, I was back, could get back in the head of the projects I wanted to do. You know, the sense of frustration that we talked about Thursday...

THERAPIST: Yeah. [00:06:03]

CLIENT: It was just gone. It was something about kind of interacting with her that didn’t... It didn’t feel innervating. It felt somehow something other... What... The antithesis. Organized. It was organized.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I don’t know what to make of it. I mean, I can think of some psychobabble that I can... Again, it’s undigested. But it was very striking.

THERAPIST: Yeah. (PAUSE)

CLIENT: And yet... I mixed up the time... In other words, I guess it could happen to anybody who is getting two, three hours sleep habitually. And yet (inaudible at 00:07:03) not as if it was a big...

THERAPIST: Right. [00:07:07]

CLIENT: It should have been a big shocker and yet, somehow...

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: This would be... Doing something like this would be classic of my mother. So, on the one hand, you know, I felt somehow psychically effective and kind of on point. And yet, practically, it seems there are aspects of this...

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: ...this, what I would think of as this state of mind that I hadn’t somehow circumvented or transcended.

THERAPIST: Well, the organizing part (PAUSE) I think makes sense to me.

CLIENT: I can see kind of your conceptual framework in which that makes sense. I mean, you understand it. [00:07:59]

THERAPIST: Well... (PAUSE) Things have been really stressful. You felt, in some way, kind of on your own because Jennie’s been having a hard time preparing to go back to work.

CLIENT: I see. Just very straightforward.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:08:15) and, yeah, your mom’s here to help you out.

CLIENT: Okay yeah.

THERAPIST: And...

CLIENT: That’s more straightforward.

THERAPIST: And...

CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:08:27)

THERAPIST: What we’ve seen in the past is this like, often it’s when you reconnect with somebody that you’re kind of magically reorganized.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: And I’m not saying that the (PAUSE) sort of rift was necessary with her.

CLIENT: The rift?

THERAPIST: In other words, like a lot of times in work situations where you kind of reconnect with somebody and magically reorganize, it’s because that was the person that you had a rift with.

CLIENT: Oh, I see what you’re saying.

THERAPIST: This seems more like not exactly institutional but, you know... It’s just been tough in general and she’s here to help out. So, instead of being on your own and kind of on loose ends... [00:09:11]

CLIENT: Yeah. Except that what I have been conscious of at least is just a sense of foreboding because she’s so fucking chaotic. In a lot of ways, it hasn’t felt like it was going to be helpful. That may not be true and likely, you know... Likely, it will be a big help. And certainly, I felt much easier about leaving the house after everything, you know, all the laundry was folded and all the, you know, she was all squared away and set up with Grayson (ph) and stuff.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I felt much easier about leaving the house under those terms. And yet, what I’ve been conscious of at least is like, “Oh fuck. You know, she’s going to drop the baby on its head. You know, she’s not going to be able to navigate X. She’s going to forget Y. She’s going to try to cook in our kitchen. You know, it’s just going to be a hassle.”

THERAPIST: Yep. [00:10:07]

CLIENT: Like dealing with her is going to be a hassle and just this snafu with the ticket just kind of confirmed that sense of foreboding and yet, when she arrived, I don’t know, it was fine. It felt okay. So maybe you’re right. I mean, I had a much more baroque (ph) explanation having to do with, you know... I don’t know. (PAUSE) (SIGH) (PAUSE) You know, parentification (ph), I guess or, you know... (SIGH) (PAUSE) The disorganized part of me having, you know, having to do with some identification of her.

THERAPIST: Yeah. No... [00:11:01]

CLIENT: I guess that’s what I can speculate about.

THERAPIST: I think that’s probably there. I mean, I guess that’s why I was laughing initially.

CLIENT: Yes, yes, yes. So this is maybe something that... I don’t know. But I think that I, I’m with you insofar as one of the things that felt good is that it was very easy with her. We have a pretty good relationship at this point. And it was nice... She had a nice interaction with Jennie and she was really enjoying (inaudible at 00:11:41). And Grayson was in a really, he was in a very good mood this morning as he often is. So... I don’t know. It was just... (SIGH) It was... We both got all this, this gigantic load of laundry folded and a loaf of bread in the bread maker and, you know, the kitchen cleaned up and my mother squared away which felt good. [00:12:09]

And we also had kind of a nice interaction. So that was... That was, you know... The connection on those two different levels, both on the kind of practical level sort of quotidian day to day level and the interpersonal level clearly had something to do with (inaudible at 00:12:27). But, you know, like I haven’t been able to open... Like the one kind of actual wide project that I have going on right now is this panel (ph) next year with my friend, Barry (ph). And, you know, I haven’t even been able to open that for a week and a half. You know? And then I... I wrote this abstract very kind of effectively and just kind of lost it. [00:13:05]

And, you know, immediately after we had left the house, I kind of was able to open that again. So there was something...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Something was going on and your theory seems as plausible as (inaudible at 00:13:21). Yeah. So anyway... (PAUSE) I mean, Jennie and I also had a couple of difficult but nice interactions and she kind of reaffirmed, you know, her commitment to getting me whatever time and space it is that I need to, you know, kind of move on to the next phase. So that... You know, one the one hand, some of these interactions were tough like fraud (ph), you know, like it sort of came to a head. She would get frustrated with this and that and I would, you know... (PAUSE) [00:14:09]

This and that being like, you know, household stuff. Like she’d say like, “Why did you make these bottles?” It would very quickly (PAUSE) evolve into a conversation about, you know, my anxiety about having time and space to do any work at all. And it was... You know, they ended up being kind of nice (PAUSE) frank discussions about how we think we’re going to make it work over the next six months or so. We’ll see if I can get at least one project in the can and get some useful time to think about, you know, which direction I want to move in. [00:14:59]

(inaudible at 00:15:01) be. It felt good anyway. It felt like a nice interaction (inaudible) or a connectedness.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: You know, it’s not just about being connected to somebody, I guess.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: It’s also about kind of reframing the connection, you know, within the conditions at hand. Do you understand what I’m saying?

THERAPIST: I have something different but go ahead. Tell me what you mean.

CLIENT: Well, you know, just things change. You know, it’s like so I’m feeling connected to Jennie and then Grayson enters the picture and we have to kind of... Just to pick one example off the top of my head.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And, you know, it’s... (PAUSE) We have needed, I think... Maybe it’s been more important and less intuitive for Jennie than for me. But, you know, certainly she’s struggled with what our relationship is like with this, you know, third...

THERAPIST: Right. [00:16:09]

CLIENT: ...third human in the picture.

THERAPIST: Third party.

CLIENT: You know, so as things change, the sense of connectedness can waver and sort of be refreshed. That’s what I was thinking.

THERAPIST: I see. (PAUSE) I had a very specific idea which is maybe it’s the same as your mother coming and your conversations with Jennie which is both were kind of (PAUSE) making a place for your work. (PAUSE)

CLIENT: Whatever that may be.

THERAPIST: Yeah. But you’ll have time. You...

CLIENT: Yeah. True. Just to put it on a couple (inaudible at 00:16:57).

THERAPIST: It reminds me of when we talked about it, I guess it was Thursday last...

CLIENT: Thursday. [00:17:05]

THERAPIST: Was that you’ll have some, you know, five or six hours a day...

CLIENT: I hope. (PAUSE) Yeah. I mean, if I can leave... If I can leave the house at noon seems plausible.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And come back at five or six then we’re good.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: We’ll eat dinner and put the kid to bed by 7:30 or eight to take my mother back to wherever she’s staying. So yeah, yeah. That’s does seems plausible.

THERAPIST: And Jennie as well, you know, said kind of reaffirmed her commitment to you doing what you need to do so that you can work.

CLIENT: To get ready for the semester. Jennie does a very good... I mean, another thing that I think is making it a little easier is that Jennie got some very good news about she is not going to have to teach a nine o’clock class and instead, she’s going to get a one day a week Monday only evening class. [00:18:11]

THERAPIST: Great.

CLIENT: So... And that will be her second prep. You know, so she’ll have one prep with three sections, you know, that she’s already prepared a syllabus for long since and then this second class and that’s it.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: And that means, among other things, that she can take the train to MSU (ph) in the mornings. So that’s really big. I think that’s...

THERAPIST: I see. If she had to get in by nine...

CLIENT: If she had to get in by nine, she’d have to drive three days a week.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: Or I think it would be like three days a week. So every day that she went into school, she’d have to drive, you know, potentially on three hours sleep. So... Either that or I would have to take Grayson every...

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: ...all night for those three days which...

THERAPIST: That’s great news. [00:19:05]

CLIENT: That’s really big and I’ve... You know, that has been... That’s taken some of the (PAUSE) some of the tension out of both of us. (PAUSE) That just came through the weekend. So... You know, so that’s helped a bit too. Yeah. (PAUSE) [00:20:00]

(PAUSE) I guess I’m struck by the divergence of this interpretation from the, you know, kind of inhibition model that we were talking about on Thursday. In other words, one implication here is that, you know, it’s really about feeling connected to, at least in the formulation you just presented a moment ago, it sounds at least, it sounds both plausible and maybe not a complete explanation but a pretty good start. You know, and I... It’s not really about having a blockage per se. It’s about something... I don’t know. It doesn’t sound quite compatible with this other explanation, this other metaphor maybe.

I’m not quite sure whether that’s, whether it’s important that they diverge in that way. But, you know, it...

THERAPIST: Go ahead. (PAUSE)

CLIENT: It’s really not about... In this interpretation, as I see it or understand what you’re saying, it’s not about having a kind of blockage that’s specific to work or to some specific activity. It’s more that I find it difficult to, you know, to function, to do anything really when I’m feeling disconnected (PAUSE) or when there’s a sense of not being connected to people. Is that... Am I misunderstanding inhibition? [00:22:03]

Am I... I’m not... Maybe I’m missing something.

THERAPIST: Yeah. I mean, to me... This today and the last week seems compatible with like everything we’ve said about work.

CLIENT: I see. (PAUSE)

THERAPIST: The model being that (PAUSE) when you feel a place is not being made for you to do your work, you shut down or...

CLIENT: I see.

THERAPIST: I mean, you could say shut down. You could say get very inhibited. I guess it may have a slightly different feel at different times but I see those as close.

CLIENT: Okay. Okay.

THERAPIST: And...

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And then when there is a connection that involves like I think just about every time a place being made for you to work (PAUSE) you sort of strikingly and it’s almost kind of magical in a way, reorganize and are able to do things you haven’t been able to do. [00:23:21]

CLIENT: So I think I’ve used this metaphor before but...

THERAPIST: I guess there’s a bit more I want to say. But go ahead.

CLIENT: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.

THERAPIST: That’s okay. And it seems that the shutting down has something to do with being angry and (PAUSE) feeling betrayed and abandoned usually.

CLIENT: Causally or just correlatively (ph)? (PAUSE) [00:23:57]

THERAPIST: I would say... I would suppose causally. But we... There have been times when you’ve been sort of in touch... Actually, there have been times when you have been very clearly in touch with each of those.

CLIENT: Yeah. Each of those kind of...

THERAPIST: Feelings.

CLIENT: ...feelings.

THERAPIST: Like of betrayal and the way that’s shut you down, the feeling of frustration and the way that’s shut you down. I forgot the other one I wanted to mention. But, yeah, I mean, there are times when you’ve sat here and been quite clear about the connection between those sort of emotional responses to what’s happening and your difficulty...

CLIENT: So that’s the... That’s how you reconcile the inhibition model? I’m inhibited by these emotions? My capacity to clean the office or do the laundry or, you know, think about what work I want to do or whatever is inhibited by, you know, this sense of (PAUSE) anxiety, frustration, anger, annoyance, whatever. [00:25:15]

THERAPIST: I think so. Yeah. Which I can see how that is different... (PAUSE) Yeah. Yes. That’s what I’m saying. (PAUSE)

CLIENT: So... Yeah.

THERAPIST: Yeah. I mean, I guess you could make the case that inhibition and shutting down aren’t quite the same and...

CLIENT: No. I feel like the (inaudible at 00:25:45) aspects are less important.

THERAPIST: Yeah, yeah.

CLIENT: I’m just trying to get your thought.

THERAPIST: Yeah sure.

CLIENT: I’m just trying to understand...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: ...kind of how you’re fitting the pieces together. So on... (PAUSE) At one point... I can’t remember whether it was recently or longer ago.

THERAPIST: Yeah. [00:26:01]

CLIENT: A metaphor... A basketball metaphor was one that just popped into my head.

THERAPIST: Yeah sure.

CLIENT: Rather, a little while ago I used a basketball metaphor in my head as you were talking, you know, of creating space. You use it in soccer too. You know, creating your own shot. That’s what it was.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: You know, there are some shooters like Ray Allen (ph). I don’t know if you follow basketball.

THERAPIST: Not really.

CLIENT: Anyway... So, there was a very, you know, famous and... (PAUSE) He’s probably... As soon as he retires, he’ll be in the Hall of Fame. (PAUSE) And he was... He is... He’s kind of on the downslope now. But he was a dead eye shooter. Just absolutely amazing. He could... You know, he could hit a jump shot from anywhere. [00:27:05]

But he’s not good at like, you know, dribbling the ball into traffic and creating his own shot. He needs somebody to feed him the ball.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: Okay? And so... You know, this is the...

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:27:25)

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah.

(CROSSTALK)

CLIENT: If he gets the ball, you know, anywhere within his range, he’s good. But somebody has to feed it to him. He can’t like dribble down the court and, you know, like weave in and out of traffic, you know, fake the guy out and make the shot.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: The people who can do that are like Kobe Bryant and they’re, you know, they’re exceptional. They’re, you know, people who are good shooters who can also make their own shot, you know, are remarkable. [00:28:03]

I guess, you know, the thought that comes to mind as you talk is the, you know, the idea that what I think we’re trying to do it to figure out how to make my own space. You know, if I’m continually dependent on, you know, having some kind of connection with somebody that, you know, jolts me into a sense of security or satisfaction, you know, assuages my anxiety about, you know, not having my space usurped before I can not only work, you know, but just like have a non-chaotic and viable household, then that’s, you know, completely nonfunctional. So, you know, it seems like... If this is the frame that we’re using, you know, this formulation which, you know, I think is as finely wrought as anything we’ve come up with, then, you know, somehow I have to figure out how to find that security even in more chaotic situations or even when, you know, I’m feeling less connected to... [00:29:19]

THERAPIST: I see it a little bit differently. I mean, I’m not... (SIGH) (PAUSE) In my mind, you know, the problem in a way is... (PAUSE) It seems like a little technically but like it seems a little regressive nature of the response to feeling sort of (PAUSE) without space or like, you know, a little betrayed or whatever. [00:30:01]

CLIENT: Okay. I mean...

THERAPIST: Here’s what I mean.

CLIENT: I think I understand you. But... Yeah. (PAUSE)

THERAPIST: That, you know, with the most recent example, you know, over the last few weeks, you just weren’t going to have time to work.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Like, you know, you’re getting three hours of sleep at night. Your wife is getting ready to go back to work and she’s been having a tough time with insomnia and depression and both caring for a newborn. Like... (PAUSE) You know, them’s (ph) pretty tough working conditions (LAUGHTER) it seems to me. And, you know, sort of the problem has been more like you felt really cut off from your work. It’s not just that you’ve been exhausted and haven’t had time.

CLIENT: Yeah. [00:30:55]

THERAPIST: It’s the way you’ve been cut off from work and...

CLIENT: From work even in the abstract...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: ...not just the specific, you know, specificities but even just the idea of it.

THERAPIST: Yeah. And like... (PAUSE) And maybe we are talking about the same thing. But to me it’s like (PAUSE) you’re responding to a situation in which no space is being made for you in this kind of like regressive sort of not insightful sort of way.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: But what I mean by not insightful is... What I’m saying to you is, “This sucks. I’ve got no time for this. There’s no space for me to do this and it’s really frustrating. And I totally know it’s not Jennie’s fault but I’m pissed off at her anyway and I... You know, I know the conditions are really difficult but I’m just kind of disappointed and mad and whatever because this is just... It’s so hard for me when I don’t feel like I have that kind of space.” [00:33:01]

CLIENT: Yeah. (PAUSE)

THERAPIST: And instead, it’s like you, some part of you shuts down and you just can’t think about the world or, as you say, even in the abstract of the work. And... (PAUSE) It seems to me it’s kind of that process that really hangs you up like... (PAUSE)

CLIENT: Okay. It’s that process that hangs me up...

THERAPIST: That process...

CLIENT: No. I mean, we agree on that. I guess...

THERAPIST: What I find is that, you know, what you really needed to do was find some way to make yourself some space over the last few weeks. Like that doesn’t seem to...

CLIENT: No. I don’t mean space. I mean... I mean, I guess... (PAUSE)

THERAPIST: I guess I’m also saying you are going to need people to throw you the ball. You know, it’s going to make a big difference that your mother is here and it makes a big difference that Jennie is committed. [00:33:03]

Like I don’t think that this is a self-sufficiency thing. I think it’s a...

CLIENT: I see what you’re saying.

THERAPIST: Like... (PAUSE) Dealing with emotional reactions that you’re usually sort of unaware of as such as they happen sort of thing.

CLIENT: Like isn’t...

THERAPIST: Yeah. I mean... Yeah.

CLIENT: Isn’t the regressive response though... (PAUSE) I mean, don’t we agree that the regressive response is making it worse? I mean, it seems like what you’re saying now is that the regression is inevitable.

THERAPIST: No. That’s not what I mean.

CLIENT: Because, if the regression is inevitable, then, you know...

THERAPIST: No. That’s not at all what I mean. I don’t know what I had in mind...

CLIENT: I guess... Yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: I had in mind... (PAUSE) [00:33:55]

CLIENT: I mean, even when I don’t have a project... Yes. I agree that I need to create, other people need to be involved in helping me create space and certainly, you know, if there’s a basketball team where there’s one guy that dribbles all the time and tries to completely create his own shot without ever passing to his teammates then, you know, it’s not going to be a very successful basketball team.

THERAPIST: I think the issue is here... Like I think you’re saying like, “Look. I need to be like a Kobe Bryant and not like a Ray Allen.”

CLIENT: I see what you’re saying.

THERAPIST: And I’m saying... Maybe to some extent. But most people need someone to pass them the ball.

CLIENT: Yeah. I’m not requiring that I be either Kobe Bryant or Ray Allen (LAUGHTER) (inaudible at 00:33:41).

THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)

CLIENT: ...twenty five best basketball players who ever played the sport.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: All I’m saying is that, you know, there’s this element of helplessness, you know, that’s implicit in the regression that you said a moment ago that means that while when people are serving me the ball, I’m okay. When they’re not serving me the ball, I’m just like completely nonfunctional. [00:35:11]

And that non functionality is proximally, you know, the reason we’re sitting here talking. And so, you know, the fact that, you know, that in between those moment where, you know, I’m getting good service or good connectedness or however you want think about it, you know, I’m not able to kind of, you know, engage in an adult level in sort of thinking about what I’d like to do and what the sort of necessities that need to be lined up are and how to kind of approximate, you know, the right direction even if I can’t get all of them done. [00:35:55]

THERAPIST: Absolutely. Because what happens as you get really upset when nobody’s serving you the ball.

CLIENT: There you go. So... Anyway, I mean, I don’t want to get tangled up in metaphors.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: But I think that’s kind of where I’m at right now. And... I don’t know. (PAUSE) On the one hand, it feels good to be connected and to feel efficacious and kind of have that concept again. And, on the other hand, I feel rueful for... You know, I just looked at my e-mail for the first time in whenever and, you know, this... The last communication we had about this thing was two weeks ago. And the last two weeks were just, from this standpoint...

THERAPIST: Yeah. They weren’t very good.

CLIENT: ...like gone. You know, it’s like it was a totally different state of mind. It’s as if I’m... It’s like this (inaudible at 00:36:49) approximation of my intellectual self where, you know, there’s a point here and there’s a point there and in between is just empty space. [00:36:59]

I don’t think that works very well. It means that each time I have to restart and start from scratch and it’s, among other things, that, you know, these projects have been sitting in the can for four years and whatever I may or may not want to do with them, they haven’t gone anywhere. (PAUSE) And I think it also means that (PAUSE) that it’s very hard for me to get in touch with what I would really like myself, at some core level, because I can’t kind of get into that space in my head unless I’m connected to somebody else and too often, you know, being connected to somebody else means sort of absorbing their, you know, what they would like to do. [00:38:03]

THERAPIST: I wonder if this is a kind of frustration and disappointment that you feel in yourself during periods like the last week. I mean, the things that you’re saying to me now... You know, “This is why I have these projects that have been lingering for four years and why I need essentially some way of dealing with it.” You know, like you’re... You sound frustrated, disappointed...

CLIENT: (SIGH) Rueful? I don’t know.

THERAPIST: Sure. Rueful.

CLIENT: Like sad, wistful, you know... Yeah. I need a little... I feel a sense of waste, wasted time, wasted energy, wasted effort... You know? Lack of continuity I think above all... It’s draining to have to, you know, start the engine from scratch every time. It wastes gasoline. You know? [00:39:15]

(PAUSE) What... (PAUSE) [00:40:00]

(PAUSE)

THERAPIST: I see. So the sense of waste is, it’s really very present after an episode like this.

CLIENT: An episode like this meaning...

THERAPIST: The last couple of weeks.

CLIENT: The last couple of weeks. (PAUSE) [00:41:00]

(PAUSE) Yeah. I mean, I don’t feel that sense of waste when, in the middle of it. When I’m in the middle of it, I just feel frustrated. It’s a very different feeling. It’s like, “Fuck.” You know? What wasted effort. And the wasted effort is, on the one hand, just the constant struggle to find any kind of movement. (PAUSE) And, on the other hand, you know, the effort that had been put into that last iteration of, you know, real time effective working behavior. Yeah. (PAUSE) [00:42:00]

(PAUSE) Yeah. I mean... (SIGH) (PAUSE) I feel a sense of (PAUSE) concern about (PAUSE) wasting, I don’t know, talent, life, energy, time. That’s a key in moments like this. I don’t feel, you know, the sense of just (PAUSE) this deadness, shut down (PAUSE) lack of vitality that accompanies, you know, what...

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: ...we plausibly (inaudible) you know, as the frustration and fear and anxiety that, you know, about whether I’ll have the space to do X. [00:43:05]

It’s more a sense of sorrow, I guess, you know, at the implications of that frustration or anxiety and, you know, regression. I don’t think it’s debilitating. But it is...

THERAPIST: No. It doesn’t sound like it.

CLIENT: It’s not... I don’t feel debilitated by it. But I do feel sad about it. I’m like... You know, there’s this capacity, you know, in my hands and yet, you know, concatenating the periods of connectedness and, you know, sense of possibility is so difficult and so wasteful and, you know, to use that word again, of energy. It’s like, “Wow. What a shame.” [00:43:57]

THERAPIST: We should stop.

CLIENT: Oh yeah. Right. Okay.

THERAPIST: I’ll see you on Thursday.

CLIENT: So Thursday at 3:45.

THERAPIST: No.

CLIENT: No. It was three o’clock. (PAUSE) (LAUGHTER) I’m not sure what the word is. It’s curious but it’s confusing. Alright. See you then.

THERAPIST: See you. (PAUSE)

END TRANSCRIPT

1
Abstract / Summary: Client discusses how he and his girlfriend are balancing out their schedules so they can work and take care of their new baby.
Field of Interest: Counseling & Therapy
Publisher: Alexander Street Press
Content Type: Session transcript
Format: Text
Original Publication Date: 2014
Page Count: 1
Page Range: 1-1
Publication Year: 2014
Publisher: Alexander Street
Place Published / Released: Alexandria, VA
Subject: Counseling & Therapy; Psychology & Counseling; Health Sciences; Theoretical Approaches to Counseling; Work; Family and relationships; Teoria do Aconselhamento; Teorías del Asesoramiento; Stress; Children; Work settings; Parent-child relationships; Psychoanalytic Psychology; Anger; Anxiety; Psychoanalysis; Psychotherapy
Presenting Condition: Anger; Anxiety
Clinician: Anonymous
Keywords and Translated Subjects: Teoria do Aconselhamento; Teorías del Asesoramiento
Cookie Preferences

Original text