TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
THERAPIST: Question. Do you take it personally when I don't respond to your messages?
CLIENT: (LAUGHTER) No.
THERAPIST: I have...
CLIENT: I'm used to people not responding.
THERAPIST: ...the feeling maybe you do.
CLIENT: No. It's just I say very funny things and...
THERAPIST: You do. I laugh!
CLIENT: ...you know...
THERAPIST: You're funny.
CLIENT: ...I need some sort of, you know...
THERAPIST: I respond?
CLIENT: What's the word I'm looking for?
THERAPIST: Response?
CLIENT: No. Not response. Validation.
THERAPIST: Affirmation?
CLIENT: Affirmation, validation, whatever. So...
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: What's that? Is that from Blue Cross? (inaudible)
CLIENT: No. I thought I'd just give you the checks.
THERAPIST: Oh. That'll work.
CLIENT: But you probably do want the whole thing so you know which days they applied for. They just gave two checks.
THERAPIST: I mean, it doesn't matter to me in that...
CLIENT: Do you have a pen?
(PAUSE) [00:01:00]
THERAPIST: Yeah. I mean, honestly at this point, like...
CLIENT: This is coming off your (inaudible) by the way.
THERAPIST: The dates don't matter to me. I just bill you for the balance. So...
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:01:27) was this morning. (SIGH) Do you want me to pay to the order or just sign it?
THERAPIST: I don't know. Do you know what the...
CLIENT: I'll just sign it. I'm just going to sign it. You lose it. Not my bad. So you might want to endorse those for deposit. Do you have a business stamp?
THERAPIST: No.
CLIENT: I'd recommend one. Because when you get a check like this you can just... And it's no longer negotiable. Right now it's negotiable. Anybody can deposit those checks.
THERAPIST: Right. [00:02:01]
CLIENT: You didn't even look at the amount.
THERAPIST: I did.
CLIENT: Oh, good. Good then. (inaudible at 00:02:09).
THERAPIST: (SIGH)
CLIENT: You were going to say something?
THERAPIST: Yeah. And so what should we do about the copays?
CLIENT: What do you mean?
THERAPIST: What do you think I mean?
CLIENT: I don't know. (LAUGHTER)
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: What we've always done about the co pays (inaudible at 00:02:37).
THERAPIST: Umm...
CLIENT: They're up to what now? Forty five?
THERAPIST: They're... No. They're about thirty. Because...
CLIENT: Well what do you want to do? Don't play passive aggressive with me. That's what I'm here to talk about today.
THERAPIST: Alright. So let me explain how the... [00:03:01]
CLIENT: So, this says copay forty five dollars.
THERAPIST: Oh, actually, here. Let me see that. Okay. So they are paying... Alright. I see I was wrong. So they are paying fifty eight. For the recording, it's fifty. That's a hundred and eighty and I'm billing you for one fifty so that'd be forty two. So the copays are forty two.
CLIENT: Well, you call it a copay. I call it a balance.
THERAPIST: Sure. Sounds more accurate.
CLIENT: Yeah. I should pay you for those.
THERAPIST: Yes. Let's see...
CLIENT: Are you going to fire me if I don't write a check today?
THERAPIST: No.
CLIENT: Would it bother you if I told you I got enough money for my football tickets.
THERAPIST: Umm...
CLIENT: Not that you're not as important as football.
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER) [00:04:01]
CLIENT: But I think I can appeal to your professional sympathies.
THERAPIST: Let's see. What I would ideally like to do...
CLIENT: Jess (ph) has a client that sends twenty bucks a week. Do you want me to do that? Of course, they owe a lot of money so twenty bucks a week... What? Go ahead. I'm sorry. (SIGH)
THERAPIST: That's okay. What I've been doing... The easiest thing for me is if I take a picture of your credit card and just bill it every week for the balance for the sessions for that week. That's the best thing for me.
CLIENT: Of course. In fact, you can... Actually the best thing for you would be to bill me in advance.
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER) I'd rather do it that way but if that doesn't work for you we can make some other kind of arrangements.
CLIENT: (SIGH) Yeah, the only problem with automatic billing...
THERAPIST: Yeah. [00:05:07]
CLIENT: ...is just the...
THERAPIST: I know you have like (inaudible)
CLIENT: Yeah. And... So every week would be eighty four dollars.
THERAPIST: Right. I mean, every week is eighty four dollars.
CLIENT: Yeah. But you would be charging me...
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: ...eighty four dollars every week.
THERAPIST: Right. Right.
CLIENT: We could try that.
THERAPIST: Okay.
CLIENT: Would you prefer if a setup and auto, if I pushed the money to you, just set up an auto-recurring payment to you as opposed to giving you my credit card?
THERAPIST: You mean...
CLIENT: Do you have a privacy plan in place to protect my personal information? A written...
THERAPIST: A written... [00:05:55]
CLIENT: Under New Hampshire law, when you have people's private information and there's a whole list of stuff. My credit card would be one of them, my address, combinations of those, you as a business have to have a written plan on how you protect your clients and their personal information. Now I don't have one.
THERAPIST: Well I use like HIPAA compliant billing software which stores all of your personal information so I don't have... I don't know any psychologist that does.
CLIENT: Well this is a different law.
THERAPIST: Right and it's not...
CLIENT: And it's a New Hampshire law.
THERAPIST: Yeah (inaudible)
CLIENT: I don't know anybody who has a plan either. So...
THERAPIST: Right. Related to business not to medical practices in particular.
CLIENT: Do you want my credit card? Is that what you're asking me for?
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER) Why are you doing this this way? Sure.
CLIENT: What do you mean, "Why am I doing it this way?"
THERAPIST: Well you keep badgering me and giving me a hard time. (LAUGHTER) [00:06:57]
CLIENT: No. I'm offering you my credit card. Isn't that what you want? That's badgering? Is it my tone? (PAUSE) Let's just put it this way. The next time you text me you're running ten minutes late, expect to be badgered when I show up.
THERAPIST: Okay. Are you mad? I'm sorry that I'm running late.
CLIENT: Do I look mad? (LAUGHTER)
THERAPIST: No, you don't. You look like you're just having a good time. (LAUGHTER) That's really funny.
CLIENT: Oh, it's just been a bizarre mood this morning because I finally decided to break down and I've gone with Match.
THERAPIST: Okay.
CLIENT: And today I started filling in my profile which...
THERAPIST: I'll delete this off my camera as soon as I have it in the...
CLIENT: Yeah. Which totally stinks writing these profile stuff but I got it in there at least, you know? And... So there's a profile.
THERAPIST: Let me ask you one thing.
CLIENT: So I'm in kind of a (inaudible at 00:07:51).
THERAPIST: Let me go over one more thing with the billing.
CLIENT: Didn't I tell you that this is my show, that I drive the bus?
THERAPIST: You do drive the bus.
CLIENT: Let's just get that clear. [00:08:01]
THERAPIST: It's your bus. (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: (LAUGHTER) I mean, I know there are some therapists who, you know, "Well why don't you tell me about your childhood?"
THERAPIST: Right. Are more directive.
CLIENT: Yeah. But you're just like...
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER) If you'd like me to... When is it okay for me to bill you for the balance for the sessions so far this year?
CLIENT: Why don't you start billing me going forward and as money comes in for me, I will chip away at that. What is it? Like six or seven hundred dollars?
THERAPIST: Probably not. So we're about seven weeks into the year-ish (ph). [00:08:59]
CLIENT: Well you just sent me a bill for fourteen hundred dollars. I just gave you over seven hundred dollars. Simple math suggest roughly seven hundred dollars.
THERAPIST: Let's see.
CLIENT: Do you got a pen (inaudible)?
THERAPIST: That's probably not the most effective way to figure it out because...
CLIENT: What? Using math?
THERAPIST: Because that doesn't include the amount for the recordings and also because that's not covering all the sessions you've had so far. So probably a more reliable way to figure out...
CLIENT: Well you put a fifty dollar payment on there, on the bill, which I assumed was the recordings.
THERAPIST: (inaudible) the other thing is the check that you gave me probably aren't for all the sessions. It's probably for some of the sessions.
CLIENT: Oh.
THERAPIST: I mean, I can figure out exactly what is, is but (inaudible) sixteen visits times forty bucks is six hundred forty bucks. So... [00:10:03]
CLIENT: Okay. It's not around seven hundred. It's six hundred and forty...
THERAPIST: Yeah. You're right! You're right. We get to the same thing. (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: Spit balling.
THERAPIST: So. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to charge you a hundred bucks a week until you've chipped away...
CLIENT: That's fine.
THERAPIST: Okay.
CLIENT: That's fine.
THERAPIST: We'll do that.
CLIENT: Who cares? Just to get you off my back.
THERAPIST: Because I've really always been pretty aggressive with things like that.
CLIENT: Does the clock start now? Was that...
THERAPIST: No.
CLIENT: Great.
THERAPIST: Alright. Well that's what I'll do.
CLIENT: Because I always think... The first thing that comes to mind is like, well, if I was late, the clock wouldn't start when I got there. But when you're late the clock starts when you get here. You know? Just... I'm going to point out that inequity not that that's, you know, going to change anything but that's what I think about if you want to know what I think about.
THERAPIST: I do.
CLIENT: Okay. Some really... Are we done? [00:10:57]
THERAPIST: I actually think the reason that that's what happens is, you know, when some people do that it's because they feel like unfairly done by or they want to stick it to me or something like that. For you, I think you mostly like want to make things my issue as much as possible.
CLIENT: That's my modus operandi isn't it?
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: Or as they say on Criminal Minds, MO.
THERAPIST: It's a little like a magician saying like, you know, "Look over here but don't look at what I'm doing over here." Misdirection.
CLIENT: Hmm. So...
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: Are we done?
THERAPIST: If you'd like.
CLIENT: Okay. I'm having trouble...
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: ...visiting the kids.
THERAPIST: Okay.
CLIENT: Because Jess (ph)... The only reason I called you passive aggressive is because it's on my mind. She's very passive aggressive with me when I go over there. Maybe she has been and I... Our whole marriage was very passive aggressive but it seems to have kicked up a bit. [00:12:01]
Examples of, you know, are things like, you know, "I don't think the kids should be watching the screens, you know, including, you know, us." So she doesn't want me looking at my phone around the kids. You know, she makes these... You know, I say things and she makes these really, you know, weird responses. I'll say something sarcastic to Lucille (ph), the two year old and she has to explain to me that Lucille doesn't get sarcasm. You know? Things like that. Ian (ph)... You know, I was playing with Ian and Lucille and occasionally one of them cries for one reason or another, you know. And Ian was holding the door so Lucille couldn't get out. I had done that previous so he was doing it to her. And she was giggling on the other side. She thought it was very funny. And, you know, after a while, I'm like, "Okay, let her out before, you know, she stops giggling." And so he lets her out and and she's, you know, they open the door and she's literally just walking out the door, kind of stumbles a little bit and bangs her head on the door. So this has nothing to do with the game we were playing. [00:13:09]
THERAPIST: Got it.
CLIENT: And Jess gets all upset about it being the game we're playing. And I'm just like, "The girl tripped and hit her head."
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: You know?
THERAPIST: (inaudible)
CLIENT: So it's just, you know, every little thing that I do there's some comment, there's some, you know... Ian decides to tell her that I let them stay up until ten o'clock at night. You know... Just... She's like, "Well, you know, he's high energy when he doesn't get enough sleep." I'm just like, "He's high energy when he gets enough sleep." You know? So it's... I left... On Sunday I left because I just couldn't take it anymore.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: And...
THERAPIST: And it's her. It's not them.
CLIENT: Yeah. No, it's totally her. Now the good thing is that, you know, Lucille is... You know, I took her shopping. So...
THERAPIST: Oh, terrific.
CLIENT: You know, she went in my car and...
THERAPIST: That's great.
CLIENT: We're improving on that front. So the ability to get them away from her...
THERAPIST: Right. [00:14:03]
CLIENT: ...would eliminate that issue. Something kind of similar to that is that we just got a report from the financial aid people how much they...
THERAPIST: I see.
CLIENT: ...how much they think you can spend on education.
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: And they came up with about three thousand dollars. We applied for the Friends. They came up with thirty one thousand dollars.
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: So, you know, it's nineteen grand for the school. They'll give up to fifty percent. So, to me, three thousand's a good number because we clearly qualify for financial aid.
THERAPIST: That sounds great actually. Right?
CLIENT: Well...
THERAPIST: I mean, there's still a shortfall if they're only, or gap if they're only coming up with half of it. But...
CLIENT: If your main concern is getting Ian into the school.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: I'm looking at the repercussions of Ian getting into the school. Number one, they're going to move. [00:15:01]
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: So that makes them a little farther away from me.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: But, you know, if Jess's on me now about the phone and the TV and all this crap, it's only going to escalate when he goes to the school. They are really, you know, no TV, no phone, no, you know, no electricity, no indoor plumbing. You know? I mean...
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: So I think this passive aggressiveness is only going to get worse if he goes there.
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: Yeah, I...
CLIENT: Are you trying to come up with something funny or professional? Because you got a smirk.
THERAPIST: I do have... I don't think it's a smirk. I'm smiling. I'm not smirking. Maybe a little... I've got to ask. Like what school do you think would be best for Ian? [00:15:57]
CLIENT: He's smart. He can excel wherever he goes. I like the curricula at that school. You know, they've got music.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: They've got a couple of, two languages you take starting in kindergarten, first grade.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: Has a lot of opportunity to do the arts he likes. Like when he goes to the Camp, he likes, he's like the only guy doing the plays and skits or whatever. He went to the Camp for the break and they had a talent show and he won the talent show by singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" in French.
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER) Rock on Ian.
CLIENT: So, you know, that's the kind of stuff he loves to do.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: And the school is going to feed right into that. So, you know, that I don't have a problem with. My problem is with Jess.
THERAPIST: So you think he'll get a better education there.
CLIENT: Oh yeah.
THERAPIST: It'll be better for him personally.
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: Okay. That seems to me like a very important part of the decision. [00:17:01]
CLIENT: Yeah. If you say so. I just have... At some point, you know, I'm trying to be, you know, not start anything but I have a feeling at some point I'm going to snap. I came very close.
THERAPIST: Oh yeah.
CLIENT: I got very upset with the head banging and kind of jumped on her a little bit about, you know?
THERAPIST: The head banging?
CLIENT: Lucille banged her head...
THERAPIST: Oh, okay.
CLIENT: ...and blamed me for...
THERAPIST: Yeah. That totally makes sense. I just didn't understand you the first time.
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:17:25)
THERAPIST: Yeah. Sure.
CLIENT: She didn't fight back which (inaudible).
THERAPIST: Alright. No, I hear you. You're not talking about the school. You're talking about you're really going to lose your shit with Jess.
CLIENT: Yeah and I... You know, me, yesterday.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: The first episode of Criminal Minds came on at four o'clock. I skipped the midnight episode. I fell asleep during the eleven o'clock episode. I watched all the other episodes. This is what I did yesterday. You know? Blew off work... I just, you know. So I watched TV. [00:18:01]
You know? And the idea that he's going to, both of them are going to come over to my house at some point and not watch TV is... I mean, I've got nothing else to do with the kids. For me, that's... You know? Ian gets to watch adult programming, commercial TV, you know, all the things he's not allowed to, you know?
THERAPIST: Well...
CLIENT: Stay up late. We go to the convenience store and get ice cream.
THERAPIST: Uh... It's... Well sounds like that's a problem.
CLIENT: Yeah. It's a huge problem. It's been bothering me.
THERAPIST: I mean, that you have... The problem I'm taking about is you don't have any, don' feel like you have anything else to do with the kids except go sit in front of the TV. That's the problem.
CLIENT: Well when we're at home. It's like my home is not conducive anymore to playing games or, you know, it's very cluttered and small.
THERAPIST: Well you need to do something about that. [00:19:07]
CLIENT: (SIGH)
THERAPIST: I'm not trying to take Jess's side and say, "Yeah, no screen." That's... You know, you're the parent. Sometimes... That's up to you. However, like...
CLIENT: I'm addicted to my phone. I'm always on the phone. That was always a complaint with her that I'm always on the phone. I'm always looking at my phone.
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: You know? It's... Whatever. You know? It's more interesting than her.
THERAPIST: Well if you don't have anything else for the kids to do in the apartment then you've got to get some things for the kids to do in the apartment.
CLIENT: Yeah, but we've set... You know we've got precedent here. You know? With Ian, he wants to watch Two and a Half Men. He wants to watch America's Funniest Home Videos. I'm trying to get him into the Big Bang Theory. I cringe every time they talk about sex. You know? He wants to... You know, part of our relationship is the games we play together on the phone. [00:20:05]
THERAPIST: That's fine.
CLIENT: You know, when I was a kid, I played video games like you wouldn't believe. My dad would give me five bucks and I'd go to the video game place, you know, and that was, you know, an afternoon for me.
THERAPIST: I'm not saying don't play games with him or don't let him watch TV. I'm just saying...
CLIENT: (inaudible)
THERAPIST: ...if all he's doing is watching TV and playing games on his cell phone.
CLIENT: That's not all he's doing. He plays with Doe (ph) most of the time he's there anyways.
THERAPIST: Okay. Well that's different.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: I just don't like being... You know, it's like I'm being told what to do.
THERAPIST: Yeah. I understand.
CLIENT: I've got no choice in any of this. It's... Even if I tried to assert my feelings or my want, they would be, you know... [00:20:57]
THERAPIST: And Jess's going to do what she's going to do about the school and about the rest of it and rules and the (inaudible) and all that no matter what you say.
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: And her doing that and also being passive aggressive and obnoxious with you when you're over at the house really driving you fucking crazy...
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: ...and making it difficult for you to spend time with your kids over there.
CLIENT: Yeah.
(PAUSE) [00:22:00]
THERAPIST: Hmm...
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Kind of part of what, you know, is also maybe...
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: ...making it a little more difficult is that I'm not busy with work right now. I'm busy with, you know, tonight I've got a coaches meeting. Tomorrow I got a membership committee meeting. You know? There's, you know, things that I've got to do that are non-work related that are starting to come at me. You know?
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: But there's not a lot of work. You know, I've got a closing on Thursday. You know? It's the executive director at the farm. I've already sent her fee to the farm for...
THERAPIST: Yeah. [00:22:59]
CLIENT: ...you know, a sponsorship for the big fundraiser. So it's like I'm not making any money on that. You know, the estate planning seems to be picking up a little bit. But I just... I don't know. I don't know if it's just time on my hands like during the day. Like today. Like I've got to drive down to (inaudible at 00:23:25) to make some copies and then there's the, you know, things I could do that aren't deadline, you know, but there's not really a whole lot that I'm going into the office and trying to do some back office stuff, clean the apartment. Maybe I should do laundry today. I don't know. I'll do it tomorrow. But, you know, I've got no clean dress shirts because I've been sweating. I ran out of deodorant, stunk up all my shirts. So I don't want to say I'm like anxious. Maybe I am anxious. I don't know. I'm just...
THERAPIST: I imagine this stuff just kind of chips away at you.
CLIENT: Yeah. [00:24:05]
THERAPIST: Like not having business, you know, having Jess kind of... It just sort of chips away at you I think.
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: And, well, understandably, eventually you do snap from that which I also know you'd rather not do.
CLIENT: Yeah and if I wasn't on the medication, Lord knows what I'd do, you know? And it's... Every time I forget to take my mood stabilizer at night which is the larger dose... Because I take a hundred at night and fifty in the morning. That's my concern. I'm like, "Oh God, what am I going to do the next day? Am I going to, you know, kill someone in traffic or, you know...?
THERAPIST: Hmm.
(PAUSE) [00:25:00]
CLIENT: So I've been pretty occupied with this online dating thing.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: And that one service Zoosk that, you know, always seems to show me ugly women, you know, a hundred miles away from me as much as I try and tell them, you know, within ten miles. You know, people are all over. And they send me an e-mail that they, you know, scientifically picked this woman out for me and that I either say yes or no. I get twenty four hours to say yes or no. And then, if she says... And she does the same thing. And if we both say yes, then we're told.
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: If one of us says no or both of us say no...
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: ...and you wait the twenty four hours, nothing happens. Well, it's happened to me once before and the woman was, you know, not to be, you know, not to be discriminatory, but she was like in (inaudible), kind of an urban woman, not...
THERAPIST: Yeah. [00:26:07]
CLIENT: ...my style. Not that she wasn't attractive but...
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: ...you know, I don't want to drive into (inaudible) to see anybody. It's scary enough doing closings there. So that I said no and nothing happened. Well this time they show an attractive woman who lives in Hartford. And at first I'm like, "Well, fuck that." You know? And it's a woman who has, you know, her picture is her with her daughter or her son or I don't know what it was. I'm like, "Fuck Hartford." But then I'm like, you know, "You're desperate. So maybe... You know, you've got friends in Hartford, you know, I mean, just to, maybe just to get out and practice or whatever." You know? So I hit yes and it tells me I've got to subscribe. So I lost it. That was just like... This sucks. [00:27:03]
So I went to Match and start answering the questions. And this morning I did my profile which is just awful, you know, just me attempting to be funny without really giving any sort of substance. You know? And they had this quick match thing where it brings up a woman and her profile and gives you five stars. You can either skip it or rate them and they say four or fives means that you're into them. Well this woman comes up who, she lives in Manchester, you know, late thirties, seems attractive. She wrote like a fucking, you know, autobiography for her thing. It was very well written and, you know... Which is intimidating. [00:27:59]
And I was like, "Well, she's really not a five." You know? She's... And I don't know what I'm rating on. Is it physical appearance? You know? So I want to do a four but then I'm like, "Okay. Is a four going to be offensive? Because you're not a five." And then...
THERAPIST: Can she see the rating?
CLIENT: Yeah. "So and so rated you such and such." Because once again, someone from, you know, Vermont rated me a four. Whatever. I don't know. But then if she was interested, you know... Or I could just message the woman, you know. But I'm like, "I don't know what to say in these messages." Do I come out and say, you know, "I've never done this before. You know? I'm going to just swing for the fences here. You know? Do you want to get married?" (LAUGHTER) And then, you know...
THERAPIST: Right. [00:28:55]
CLIENT: ...is that an okay icebreaker? You know? Is it not? You know? Do you do heroin? I mean, I don't know what to say in these things, you know? Like, "So what do you do for shits and giggles?" I mean, I don't know how this whole game works, you know?
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: For some reason, the way I used to think it worked was two people were matched up and you went on a date. Which to me seems okay. But apparently that's not how it works.
THERAPIST: Right. There's all this kind of online flirting.
CLIENT: Yes. Which I have no skill at. I've never, you know... You know, I...
THERAPIST: I...
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: And I know I've just got to do it. You know?
THERAPIST: I would guess this is something that you would actually do fine at if you weren't so intimidated that it made it difficult for you to actually do any work at it. You know? I bet if you spent some time thinking about what to write, you'd probably do... [00:30:01]
CLIENT: Well what I did was, is I just wrote stuff to get something there and then ever since then I've come up with things I want to put in there. I've forgotten most of it but...
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: ...you know, I figured I'd build these things as time goes on.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: And... Like somehow I left out...
THERAPIST: I mean, you are a pretty funny...
CLIENT: ...that I like live music.
THERAPIST: ...and pretty witty and can talk to people.
CLIENT: Do you want to hear what I put?
THERAPIST: Sure.
CLIENT: Would that be helpful? (PAUSE) I don't know if I can pull it up on this. It may... Oh, there it is. Yeah, they want to hook me up with this woman (ph) and all she talks about is frosting and how she's got a few extra pounds but she thinks she's cute and I don't think she's cute.
THERAPIST: Her last name is frosting?
CLIENT: No, it's Cake is her name. She lives in Springfield but she kind of has a big butt. I don't know. Not that... Yeah, this is. That's her. Okay. How do I get to... Okay. Here we go. Here we go. My profile. And that's the picture I've got. Ian took it. [00:31:15]
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: That and my professional lawyer picture.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: So, you know...
THERAPIST: (inaudible)
CLIENT: Judd (ph) was a nickname in college and, you know, everything is iPhone, iPad, i-whatever so I did iJudd.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: I know it's stupid.
THERAPIST: (inaudible)
CLIENT: But... Yeah, okay. You know. And my grandfather's name was Judd (ph).
THERAPIST: Not the same guy though.
CLIENT: No. Okay. My self summary. "Summary. That should be easy, right? Not so much but here we go. Well I'm a father of two children." Parenthetically, I say, "Of course they're beautiful, intelligent, and wonderful. I'm currently separated and I am..." Here's where I lied. "And I am happy about the direction of my life." You've got to say something positive, right? "I think I am hilarious, smart, and charming."
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: (LAUGHTER) "In that order. I love the football and playing ultimate Frisbee and I'm sure there is more but not sure what direction this summary should be going next." [00:33:59]
"What I'm doing with my life. I'm trying to find the right balance between work, kids, and having fun. It's not always as easy task but it keeps me on my toes. I also spend a lot of time watching Criminal Minds. I'm really good at. Okay, we can rule out writing a profile about myself."
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: "I'm good at my work. I am a good father. I'm good at making people laugh. Well, most people. First things people usually notice about me. I look like Robert Redford. Alright, I don't look like Robert Redford but my grandma once told me I did so let's run with that."
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: It's true. She did. In favorite books, you know, I list books, movies, whatever. Six things I could never do with out and I have to lie on this one and say my kids first. My iPhone, my ultimate Frisbee team, oxygen, food, and Words with Friends. I'd spent a lot of time thinking about. I just put work and then, "Ugh." Which I got to work on that. "On a typical Friday night I am hanging with my son. Most private thing I am willing to admit. I occasionally take thirteen items in the twelve item or less lane." [00:34:07]
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: "You should message me if you have the time." There you go. It could be worse.
THERAPIST: Absolutely.
CLIENT: But I got to throw in live music because a lot of women, they like live music but they can't seem to find someone to go.
THERAPIST: Right. And you genuinely do.
CLIENT: Yeah. Yeah. So we'll see. You know, I've just got to press the button and type and say hello to someone, I guess. Because they can see that no one has contacted me in the last... They put that. "No one has contacted this person in the last week." So that will show up for now. It tells them whether someone replies selectively or frequently or...
THERAPIST: I see. [00:34:55]
CLIENT: You know. So... And it's funny, the less attractive and more weird people are the more selective they are about... So...
THERAPIST: Wait. Do you mean...
CLIENT: Like people who should be open to more, you know...
THERAPIST: Are not?
CLIENT: ...are not. But that's their nature, I guess. So... I don't have any pictures of myself. I have a few but my hair's like sticking up in them, you know. I guess I could take a picture of myself and post it. I don't want someone to be surprised when they meet me in person and and they see I'm bald. And then that be something that really they couldn't deal with and then...
THERAPIST: Sure.
CLIENT: ...waste my time.
THERAPIST: Sure.
CLIENT: So I kind of just want to take a...
(PAUSE) [00:36:00]
CLIENT: And they had this thing where they tell you whether they're a match, a friend, or an enemy and it gives percentages. It's like why would I want anybody who's coming up on enemy? You know? I could be a sixty percent match with someone, a thirty percent friend, and a twenty percent enemy. It's like what do you do with that?
THERAPIST: What does that even mean?
CLIENT: I don't know.
THERAPIST: What's the difference between a match and a friend?
CLIENT: One of the goals of the site is just to meet new friends. So you can put... It asks if you're married or if you're single. I didn't know what to put. I didn't want to say I'm a married guy just looking to make friends.
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: So I put I was single. But I made sure to put in my profile...
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: ...that I was separated.
THERAPIST: Right. [00:36:59]
CLIENT: So I think that, you know, the friend part... If you're just looking for friends...
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: You know? I guess I do need friends. In May I'm going... Is it May? I think it's May. There's a brewery up in Rhode Island that has a festival with camping.
THERAPIST: Oh.
CLIENT: And they sell conesseour tickets which I don't know... I think it's just you get more stuff and whatever, longer, whatever. I don't know. But there's a whole bunch of us that tried to buy tickets and only three of us got tickets because there were only two hundred and fifty tickets available.
THERAPIST: Wow.
CLIENT: So I thought it would be this fun thing where a whole bunch of us were going.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: But it's my friend Brian (ph) and (inaudible) I'm the third wheel with.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: But it'll still be fun.
THERAPIST: Cool.
CLIENT: Someone already called shot gun in my car because they knew I had a car seat. That's it. I don't know what else there is. [00:38:07]
THERAPIST: Oh.
CLIENT: I don't know what to... You know, it's like (inaudible) days like yesterday or today (inaudible) maybe I should go and hang out with the kids before the soccer meeting.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: You know? I'm just... I don't know. It's like she's getting in the way of my enjoyment of the kids. You know?
THERAPIST: Yeah. (PAUSE) That's difficult (inaudible) fall into the old patterns between the two of you where she...
CLIENT: And I think the comments have always been there. I think they just escalated a little bit. You know? She's becoming more assertive.
THERAPIST: Do you know why? [00:39:01]
CLIENT: I think she thinks it's affecting Ian's behavior which I think he's just a crazy seven year old kid. You know?
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: You know, I try and tell her. She gets upset. She goes, "Ian, why are you always screaming?" And I'm like, "Doe is always screaming. Alice's always screaming. They're kids. They scream. It's what they do."
THERAPIST: Right. Right.
CLIENT: You know? And he just doesn't know how to talk softly.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: So, I don't know. She's like her mom. You know? Everything's a problem and she's got to find the solution. You know? And when she thinks she finds the solution...
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: ...she's going to micromanage everything to get that solution.
THERAPIST: I assume you can't... Does she want to go off and be by herself when you're over with the kids?
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: Like can you just tell her to go out and enjoy herself somehow? [00:40:01]
CLIENT: We went to the park but after like, you know, a certain amount of time, you know, Stella's like, "I want to go home."
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: It's like I can... You know, after a certain pint, she's like, "Mom. Where's Momma? I want Momma. I want Momma?" You know?
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: And probably the worst idea would be for me to be in the house with Lucille but without Jess.
THERAPIST: Oh really?
CLIENT: It's probably better for me to take them somewhere else.
THERAPIST: I see. Than to be there. I would assume there's a bunch of stuff to do in the house. It's almost going to be easier to be there. She gets more anxious about not having Jess around.
CLIENT: I don't know. I mean, we go places like the park.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: And, you know, like the store. We went to Michael's so she got to, you know...
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: ...look at all the stuff and buy stickers and she wanted me to pick her up and hold her which was something new, good. You know?
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: So...
(PAUSE) [00:41:00]
CLIENT: So I get an e-mail from Dr. Grace's (ph), you know...
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: ...business e-mail that she's having a Girl's Night In party, you know? And because it's my nature, I replied, "By girl's night in, do you mean only girls?" You know? And she replies that, you know, yes and she apologizes if, you know, I feel like I'm being discriminated against. But then she brings up how they're some legal reason she can't join the (inaudible) chapter. And that she wants to... You know? When would be a good time to chat about it? And I'm like, "Oh, great. So she's going to be coming back to our group."
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: I'll have to look at her every week, talk to her. [00:42:01]
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: At least I'll find out when she gets dumped again or does the dumping, you know? But by then, you know, I'll have found some forty five year old woman in, you know, Vermont to occupy my time.
THERAPIST: We'll stop for now.
CLIENT: Oh boy. I really just came to give you the check.
END TRANSCRIPT
