TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
THERAPIST: What are you thinking?
CLIENT: Well, the money isn't there. I spent it. I told you law.
THERAPIST: I'm pretty sure that's not the way that law works.
CLIENT: No, I wasn't talking about that law. I'm just talking about how you're screwed. Though at some point I'm expecting a big chunk of change from that crazy condo. One of the trustees, one trustee said that she wants her assessment and whatever to go towards her third and the other trustee said that he wants his to go towards the third and that they should pay me two thirds and the two of them should work out a payment plan for the rest. So, hopefully that's going come to fruition. I'm going to follow up in a couple day if that doesn't. I told them I wanted the money by the end of the month or I was going to move forward. The woman who writes the checks was being a real bitch. She threatened to turn me in. I'm done dealing with her. [00:01:30]
She called me desperate. I sent her an e-mail saying listen, you know, let's all be grown-ups and stop the pettiness and the personal attacks. I don't think the things she realizes is that if they don't pay, she's going to pay because there's three people in that condo and only one of them makes money. Only one of them has a property in name and that's her. I can go after any owner for their percentage so she has the highest percentage. I'm almost tempted to do it just to piss her off, but I shouldn't be like that, so I'm not going to. So, I'm back on point with it. It's taking this long for you to say why? [00:02:45]
THERAPIST: Well, what happened?
CLIENT: Well, first of all, on Saturday I started taking my medication again. I was taking 30. I kind of noticed some irritability and yesterday I was quite anxious and that was just going down to the 30. You know I did take the two days off so that affects it to some degree.
THERAPIST: What were you at?
CLIENT: 40. So, yesterday I met with Micah and backing up a little bit, you know, first of all, it was on Saturday, Marcia was like let's go for a nature walk with the dogs tomorrow. I was like oh, that's great. She's kind of wanting to do things that don't involve spending money. I'm like fine, that's great. Yeah. [00:04:00]
Then when we get back on Sunday she's like why don't we watch the game? She already took the dogs for a walk so I went down to Watertown and we watched the game and went to a bar afterwards and I was explaining to her that my schedule is changing from kind of Monday maybe Tuesday maybe Thursday handball schedule to a Tuesday Thursday schedule. I said but we don't always have games. We have at least one game and sometimes two games and early in the season they're kind of practices so those can be easily blown off or they get canceled or whatever. Then, before she was going I was like let me look at my calendar for Tuesday. I looked at the, I pulled up the people who are going to practice and checking out the weather and I'm like we're not going to have to practice on Tuesday.
THERAPIST: This relates probably to how you and Marcia usually get together on Tuesdays nights? [00:05:00]
CLIENT: Yes.
THERAPIST: Okay.
CLIENT: Because that was earlier. She was like oh, that's our date night, you know? So, she kind of went in to a brief little stress moment of, you know, not kind of wanting to go out. So, I was like we can just hang. As usual, she even told me that her friends give her a lot of shit about this, is that she's not good at making plans. She's kind of always oh, we'll talk about it tomorrow. So, I didn't really mention it on Monday which I should of. She can be a little forgetful and we had a few drinks. I brought it up Monday morning and then I brought it up again and I mentioned the team. I actually called left a voice mail and she responded, oh, I'm just going to hang out here local which was confusing to me. [00:06:00]
It made it seem like it didn't include me. So, I'm like does that include me? The response was I thought you had handball. It took me a while to figure this all out. So, like as it's kind of going on, I'm getting kind of anxious about this whole thing. I'm like trying to assess my emotions about this. First of all, I'm kind of bummed. You know she hasn't said it yet, but I'm getting the impression that we're not going to be doing anything tonight, so I was kind of bummed about that.
There was this anxiety kind of kicking in and I couldn't really understand why I was kind of anxious about this. I was like this is not a big deal. I'm just not going to see her.
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: I will take a moment and make more out of it than it is, but that's what I do.
THERAPIST: Right. [00:07:00]
CLIENT: And then I convince myself I'm being stupid. Why would it create anxiety? This has been going on. Then I kind of realized that my anxiety was about going to see Micah and because as I started getting closer to that and still the whole Marcia thing stayed in my mind all day long because I had not heard back from her. So, which is another thing I've got to kind of get used to is not hearing back right away, which is unusual because I'm one of these people who is like people should not expect an immediate response from you and here I am wanting that. Not necessarily expecting that.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: So, I go see Micah and Micah brings up the fact that she's, what about her living with her boyfriend? This is really troubling to Micah. She has all these questions about it that I don't have the answer to. How long were they dating? How long did they live together? When did they break up? She's like you're an accountant you should be interrogating her and I'm just like I really don't want to know that information. I'm always uncomfortable when women talk about previous relationships and stuff like that. [00:08:30]
It's just uncomfortable for me and so I was kind of like listen, I'm not happy about it and he was going to be moving out this month, but that's kind of up in the air because she needs money, but I know number one this is very troubling to her because she has broken down crying over it before and I used to kind of bring it up jokingly and she would get upset. Not with me, but with the situation. So, I kind of, I've got a pretty good comfort level.
THERAPIST: It actually feels okay. I mean I feel like it's okay for her to you, but you don't sound that worried or upset about it.
CLIENT: Because I trust her.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: I mean I have no reason for anything she's ever said to me not to be true. Everything has kind of checked out to some degree. I know how much she likes me and there's no way this guy would not know about it. She said she told him because she's like going out at night.
THERAPIST: Right. [00:10:00]
CLIENT: What are you parked in my driveway with this guy for a half hour for? Micah's all freaked out about it. I remember Paige was kind of freaked out about it too. I was kind of getting pissed at Micah. I was just like, so she kept on saying I've got to do something and I'm like what can I do? The only thing I can do is walk away or piss her off. There's no, there's nothing I can do that's going to rectify it other than paying half her rent. (cough) Boy.
THERAPIST: Are you okay?
CLIENT: Yeah. So, then we started talking about the bedroom issues which I think is what I was kind of anxious about.
THERAPIST: Yeah. You and I talked about how you've been pretty anxious about talking to Micah. [00:11:00]
CLIENT: So, just because you told me to, I didn't bring up that I had taken two days off.
THERAPIST: (laughter) You mean in order to spite me you didn't bring that up with Micah? Oh, I appreciate you thinking of me.
CLIENT: Well, I didn't want to and you wanted me to, so I figured I'd get some spite in there by not doing it.
THERAPIST: (laughter)
CLIENT: Oh, and she says, she goes well, what does your therapist think about the boyfriend and I was like well, he doesn't give his opinion on things. He just says well, how does that make you feel? Well, let's notice it. Let's pay attention to it.
THERAPIST: Have I ever once said how does that make you feel?
CLIENT: No, that's why I kicked in to the let's notice this thing. You don't say that, but that is -
THERAPIST: Have I ever instructed you to?
CLIENT: Notice things? Yes.
THERAPIST: While you're sitting in here?
CLIENT: Yes.
THERAPIST: Really?
CLIENT: Yes. Because I'm like, okay, we've got this problem. What do we do?
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: You're like well, we notice it. And I'm like okay, now that we've noticed it, what do we do? You go well, we pay attention to it. Those are your exact words. [00:12:00]
THERAPIST: Oh.
CLIENT: Don't oh me. You've used that before.
THERAPIST: Alright.
CLIENT: I'm having so much fun with it, I ain't letting it go. Really, I couldn't remember whether you've said anything about it or not.
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: I was trying to explain to her how your job, the way you do it sometimes, is not to make me feel bad about things, but to sort of ferret out my position on it. What you think is irrelevant.
THERAPIST: I mean, usually, yeah. I agree. In other words, in a situation like this I imagine the psychological part. In other words, if I thought there was something you were denying or not wanting to see, then I might be interested in talking about it, but yeah, you're right. I don't feel like it's my role to, most of the time, to say this is the situation you have. I might say like...
CLIENT: I try to trick you in to it. You're pretty good about that. I was getting really frustrated with that and we finally got off of it. She's just so adamant. She was the same way with the separation thing with telling dates. When do you tell them or don't tell them to the second or third date. You know, she's a woman. She's opinionated. What can you do? [00:13:45]
THERAPIST: Well.
CLIENT: I know it's her job.
THERAPIST: Actually, I was going to say I'm not so sure. I don't think it is her job.
CLIENT: What is her job?
THERAPIST: To assess your symptoms and prescribe you medication.
CLIENT: Right, but in assessing those symptoms she has to invoke some sort of talk therapy.
THERAPIST: No she doesn't.
CLIENT: To figure out what is going on in my life and in my mind and why I'm having certain feelings.
THERAPIST: No, she doesn't. She needs to know what your symptoms are and the things that are causing you stress in your life.
CLIENT: Right. She thinks this is one of those things.
THERAPIST: But you're telling her it isn't.
CLIENT: But she doesn't believe me.
THERAPIST: No, what you're describing is her telling you it's not a good situation, not saying Cameron I think you are unaware of how much stress this is causing you. In other words, she's targeting the situation and saying that's a bad situation. She's not and I don't think you understand how bad a situation is. She's not saying Cameron I think you're acting much more anxious about this than you realize. [00:15:00]
CLIENT: Do you want to call her?
THERAPIST: No.
CLIENT: Okay. So, we get to the -
THERAPIST: Actually I think that's quite important because clearly I don't think that's her call.
CLIENT: I don't think these psycho firms know that.
THERAPIST: Okay.
CLIENT: The other one was the same way, you know, where it's a lot of... It's like you go see a psychiatrist it's 15 minutes. You're in and out of there. You know?
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: You doing okay? No. Suck it up. With these two it's been a half hour or 45 minutes or even longer sessions.
THERAPIST: I mean it's good that they have time to talk to you about symptoms and sort of relationships. That's great, but, it's almost the case I don't think it's her role to presume she has a more accurate read of the situation in your life than you do. [00:16:30]
There may be some extreme cases, like you're beating up a kid or somebody's grossly taking advantage of you in a way that you don't see. That's a little different. But, something like this, it's one thing for her to talk about psychologically what is going on. Well, I think you're minimizing or ignoring or overlooking or whatever. No, I have a better read on what's going on and how that situation is good or bad or whatever than you do. What do you think?
CLIENT: Whatever.
THERAPIST: Okay.
CLIENT: Well, for you, it's like I go through the same thing with what other CPA's do. Whatever. So, we get on to the bedroom topic.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: She is 100% convinced it's the medication. [00:17:30]
THERAPIST: Talking about what's going on with her then you start to think of, you know, she's a woman, she's more opinionated this and that and it starts to fit right in to what happens often between you and particularly where you're kind of irresponsible. You don't really see it. You're sort of, you start to get in to the same kind of role which is a little bit like you and Jess or something.
CLIENT: Well, I don't believe her
THERAPIST: Okay.
CLIENT: I think she's off base.
THERAPIST: Alright. It's good because there are other times where you kind of get in to this with people. I think especially women and you feel like you're being kind of crummy and irresponsible and evasive and they're the ones who are sort of responsible and overbearing and sort of right and make a wrong. If you feel confident about that with her, I think that's great. [00:19:00]
CLIENT: It mean it doesn't, it definitely posts some doubts, but I, you know, I analyze it and I don't come up with any.
THERAPIST: Okay. Well, that's great.
CLIENT: It doesn't mean that I don't look at something and think about well, like last night I was just going to stay home. What does that mean? Ultimately I'm like are you stupid? I mean if she has the ability to show affection to me and another human being in the same way, with another guy, good for her I guess, but I don't think it's possible.
THERAPIST: Okay. Anyway. So, then I'm glad if you felt like you could really develop your own opinion and feel confident about it about what Micah had to say. I think that's great. [00:20:00]
CLIENT: I can see how upset she gets about it. Marcia.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: It's troubling to her. I'm trying to find a way to ease her mind about paying me for things and that was a concern of mine about paying for everything. Now, that's going to be the reality of things. I think she's a little timid about coming over to my place. So, I think she feels some obligation that she just can't get up and leave which is stupid and that she can't bring her dog because her dog disappeared. That will all come out in the wash.
THERAPIST: What would ease that?
CLIENT: So, she wants to wean me off the medication and she herself wants to do it somewhat quickly so she's having me take another medication to counteract. [00:21:00]
THERAPIST: Oh, I see, the reaction to the medication.
CLIENT: Any anxiety it might produce. Not to take it all the time.
THERAPIST: Yeah. As needed.
CLIENT: I took two last night and I fell right asleep. She wanted me to take a little piece and I took two. I was just tired of thinking. I was just tired. It was a long day of thinking.
THERAPIST: Oh, yesterday?
CLIENT: So.
THERAPIST: Micah was actually pretty responsive.
CLIENT: I fell asleep and left chicken in the oven.
THERAPIST: Was the oven on?
CLIENT: Yeah. When I woke up I was like why is the oven on? It's like 10:30 when I wake up. I feel asleep early. Why is the oven on? I shut it off. It smelled funny. I didn't even open it up and look inside. Then this morning I was like I don't think I had my chicken last night. [00:22:00]
She immediately dropped me down to 20. What she is concerned about the withdrawal she says is more like flu symptoms which I got nausea last Thursday night and I've had a little bit and even this morning I thought for a moment I was seriously going to puke. A lot of saliva was coming out of my mouth and it just didn't happen which is kind of weird. She thinks that maybe just staying on the medication will be, she kept joking I need to get rid of the girl. We finally got everything working. Just get rid of the girl. I was like I don't think so. So, she even talked about maybe taking like ten or 20mg a week just to keep it in my system. So, I don't know. [00:23:00]
I did read that studies have found that five to ten milligrams can be as effective as 20mg of that medication. I'd rather just get off the fucking meds all together. I just don't, it's the only penis I got. As unimpressive as it is, it's the only penis I've got. So, yeah. I'm going to see her again in two weeks maybe. She's like you know if anything happens or changes give her a call. You know, she was disappointed that I didn't have sex this weekend.
THERAPIST: Micah was?
CLIENT: Yeah. She was like no? I was like well, you know, she was having her period. So. I don't know. So, yeah. So, we're going to talk it out.
THERAPIST: Good.
CLIENT: She's willing to take me off it quickly. I didn't even have to ask.
THERAPIST: Good.
CLIENT: She just wanted to get me off of it and is concerned about side effects and withdrawal and what not, but she's willing to. She's more concerned about anxiety than anything else. I took a pill this morning and I'm exhausted probably from taking two last night too. I've just got to stop taking the shit, but I've been anxious. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it is coming off the medications. Why not? You know? [00:25:00]
I'm being anxious over stupid things. Yesterday I was like my emotions should be sort of upset, frustration or disappointment. They're kind of like this is probably not going to be the only time where this kind of thing happens where there is some miscommunication between us about, you know, because of the nature of my ability to remember and her inability to remember. She probably has ADHD. She's a little hyper which is kind of nice because I don't have to talk. I can just let her go and talk, talk, talk. I just sit there. I don't ever have to take her to the movies. She's like I can't go to the movies because I can't sit down that long. [00:26:15]
I don't know. That's what I was thinking more it should have been is that I was just bummed that I wasn't going to see her. There are fleeting moments of anger but I was like I'm not really angry. It's nothing she intentionally did. It was like right before she left and I could see how with my message in the morning and my voice-mail and everything that I had said that if she's thinking that's I'm having Handball, she thinks I'm referring to her coming and meeting me at Handball or meeting me after Handball which we discussed about. So, it all kind of fell in to place, but I don't know. I don't know. [00:27:15]
I admonished Jess. She had brought Ian's medicine outside. Cough medicine and his antibiotics for strep. He had been swinging the broomstick around and he ends up swinging it and knocked over the medicine and she started yelling at him. I was like whoa, this is an accident. He didn't mean to do. She's like he shouldn't be swinging it. It's just like we're outside. I told him to get the stick and the soccer ball out of the thing. You know?
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: He's being a kid and I'm sure the simple fact that it happened was upsetting to him.
THERAPIST: Right.
CLIENT: And now you're yelling at him. She's turning in to me and I'm turning in to the perfect human being. (silence) (cough) [00:28:30]
I get a nice head rush when I do that. Sucks when I'm driving though. I didn't even turn my computer on yesterday. I took it to a meeting. Well, I did turn it on. I took it to a meeting at the farm which was done by 10 and I didn't turn my computer on the rest of the day which is not good because that means I don't have any work to do. I had a client meeting in the office today and did my work out, but my motivation has really tailed off again.
THERAPIST: Are you taking any [inaudible]?
CLIENT: Yeah. I didn't take any Saturday or Sunday or Monday. I can't remember if I took one yesterday. I think I did, but maybe Monday I didn't. So. [00:30:00] (silence) [00:31:20]
I did laundry yesterday. I made my bed. I mean it used to be that I'd do things because Marcia was coming over or potentially was coming over, but now I'm just kind of doing this stuff. Doing dishes. Picking up after myself. Throwing my laundry away. Very unusual.
THERAPIST: Do you think it's a virus?
CLIENT: I think it's bacterial. Which is worse?
THERAPIST: Usually a bug. It depends on what it is. [00:32:00]
CLIENT: Bacterial.
THERAPIST: I would have thought virus. .
CLIENT: No, because viral meningitis goes away where bacterial meningitis will kill you. Or is it the other way around? I think the virus is seen as fleeting where the bacteria is, you've got to get rid of it. Like strep is a bacteria. Streptococcus. Staphylococcus. I just love that there's coccus. See, I don't know what to do. I don't seem to have any sources of money coming in and I've got all this tax shit. [00:33:00]
Did I tell you my accountant, even though we didn't ask him to, counter offered to the IRS? They've accepted a counter offer in the $600 range instead of the $1,000 range.
THERAPIST: Great.
CLIENT: It's been approved by the agent, but it has to be approved by the manager, so we'll see what happens. It's down to about $18,000 of what we owe and we've already paid 5 of 200. So, it will be paid off in less than two years.
THERAPIST: Great.
CLIENT: (silence) Buddy died a year ago yesterday.
THERAPIST: Oh.
CLIENT: (silence) I still find down from the comforter he chewed up and I'm sweeping a couple times a week. I even mopped the floors. The Swiffer mopper sucks, but you know. I don't know. [00:35:00] (silence) [00:36:00]
So I guess all things considering I'm doing okay. You know, work, more sex. I went without that for a while anyways, so. The drugs suck. (silence) [00:37:00]
I think Ian is getting this cough. My mom's coming to town this weekend. Unfortunately, there's no opportunity to introduce her to Marcia. She'll like her, but she won't. Kind of the same thing with Jess. She liked her, but she's not the same religion. My mom did say, I don't remember what we were talking about, maybe it was in the context of my brother about as long as he's happy or whatever which is slightly different than to your life. [00:38:30]
She's arriving Saturday morning and leaving Monday afternoon. So that's two days, two and a half days. She can't miss work. Not to see your grandkids. I would understand that, but there's all kinds of other stuff which I feel are less more important than her grandkids. We live a three and a half hour flight away who she sees once a year. Ian she will see in November, but Lucille. You know. [00:39:30]
She'll go to all these events for Steve's family which have to be on Friday, so she misses a day of work and she doesn't have to go to those. He's a big man. He can go by himself. Those are people she doesn't know. I'm not going to change her. No life insurance, so he's not going to kill her. Now, when my dad goes, then maybe he'll kill her because he's got the life insurance policy. [00:40:30] (silence)
So, on Sunday I was sitting on the floor doing a puzzle with Lucille and she walked over to me, ducked underneath my hat and just gave me a kiss and then Monday night, when I was leaving, she just came up and gave me a couple hugs around my legs.
THERAPIST: That's great. [00:41:30]
CLIENT: She lets me throw her around a lot more. She's always kind of let me toss her in to the air and do stuff, but then after a while she didn't, but now she just loves it. I stop and she wants me to keep doing it. My arms are killing me.
THERAPIST: We need to stop for now.
CLIENT: Are we still on for Friday?
THERAPIST: Yes.
END TRANSCRIPT
