TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: I appreciate your concern. So, not much has happened since Wednesday. What did I do on Wednesday? I had a client hire me.

THERAPIST: Nice.

CLIENT: A woman that I did her closing. It's the only referral I've gotten because the branch sent it to me. She did a will or is going to do a will. I have a closing tonight.

THERAPIST: Cool.

CLIENT: So, I went from completely no clue where the money was going to come from. I'll probably make it unless you decide to charge the thousand dollars. Oh, Jesus. [00:01:30]

THERAPIST: What happened?

CLIENT: Jess's going to call me Saturday. (phone ringing) Oh. (pause) Well, there went my day.

THERAPIST: What happened?

CLIENT: Jess's calling me.

THERAPIST: Tomorrow.

CLIENT: Right now. She just called. Didn't you hear the phone ring?

THERAPIST: Yeah, I heard the phone ring but when you read the text you said oh, Jess's going to call me on Saturday.

CLIENT: No. That was a different text. Saturday? I said Saturday with a question mark. I don't know. I guess my mom's coming in tomorrow. Ian is going to want to go to the airport.

THERAPIST: I think that was (inaudible).

CLIENT: So, I texted her the fact that it's at 11:00. I didn't tell her I'm... (pause) [00:03:00]

She has this uncanny ability. Now I don't mind it so much because she has really no clue what my schedule is, but it always used to be right as E&G was starting she would always call me and then the voice mail would be like oh. So, my mom's coming in at 11:00 and she's like what about soccer and I said there's no soccer tomorrow. It's Memorial Day. I gave an educational moment a couple weeks ago at E&G about how you shouldn't respond to your phone when you're in private meetings with people, but this is not the type of meeting I was talking about. I control it, right? You're like if you want to pay me to let you read your text, this is perfect. What are we down to? Like 15 minutes now. Go right ahead. I won't tell the insurance company. So, she was just confused. [00:04:30]

Yeah. Marcia's birthday is Wednesday. I don't know exactly what I should do. On Wednesday she's, a bunch of friends of hers she assumes are going to take her out. I figured I'd take her to dinner someplace nice. I've got to get a card. Not really doing anything beyond that. No? You're just not going to give your opinion. I ask Micah. I'll call Micah up. She'll tell me. She'll be like don't get that slut anything. Get rid of her. Go back on your Prozac. Get rid of her. Go back on your Prozac. That's what she kept on saying. You need to get rid of the woman. [00:05:40]

THERAPIST: Really?

CLIENT: She was joking, but, you know. She was just, you know, because everything had been going so good. She was like alright.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: You know, we went from me being a zombie on all that crap to everything seemed to be working and then she's like oh, you've got to get rid of the woman. So, whatever. (pause) [00:06:30]

So, the banker at E&G is with the Special Olympics. Their list is closed, so she can't get me on a list right now, but she says it's going to be opened at some point. She can introduce me to a bunch of people at the bank in Pembroke.

THERAPIST: Oh, good.

CLIENT: So, there's more coffees and lunches on these people and not get any business. I went in to the bank to make a deposit and it was like right at 4:30. Every so often I do this. I'm joking. You guys are probably just going to close my accounts by now. They kind of taunted me back, so I started taunting them and as I'm leaving, the kid, Bruce, he's like oh yeah, don't think I didn't notice your bank and I was like oh, oh. (laughter) Because, you know, the manager, it was nothing but employees there.

THERAPIST: Right. [00:07:45]

CLIENT: Oh, well. (pause) I'm not really anxious or stressed about my mom coming to town. I didn't give much thought to it which is kind of unusual. You know, whatever happens, happens. We'll eat and this and blah, blah, blah, you know. It's like whatever. It's actually kind of nice she's only coming in for a short period of time. In one way it's a bad thing because I mean she should spend more time with her grandkids, but for me it's a good thing. So. I told Marcia what my mom said about it's your life when I told her I like the loud, chick. It's nice that I can call Marcia a loud chick to her face and her not even, she would totally agree. [00:09:00]

Ian wanted to go swimming at the hotel. Lucille, she likes poppa. When we call nana, she asks for poppa because he's just this old, he's like a big, old teddy bear. He goes, pop. That's all he does to the kids and they love it.

THERAPIST: Is that like his one move?

CLIENT: Yeah. And it's like between just poppa bear and (the pop noise) he's got those kids. Lucille's like but he's not going to pick me up. She's been saying that because she doesn't want people to pick her up so I feel honored that she doesn't like people to pick her up, but she doesn't mind when I pick her up. I get away with more tossing her around and stuff now. She's used to be a little anxious or wary of me. Some stuff she liked, but the shaking baby stuff she didn't like. Just bounce her on your knee and put her this way and that way. Now she just giggles the whole time.

I think once she starts going to Torrance, where, I mean she's in the day care, but there's only so many kids there. Ten or 15 or so. Where at Torrance you have three groups of kids. 30 kids. 40 kids. They're older kids and there's parents in there and there's a lot of moving. [00:11:00]

THERAPIST: More like a regular school.

CLIENT: Yeah. It's a better social environment. I mean I don't know that it really, to some degree it made a difference with Ian with as far as him liking to go to places, you know to see other.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: He was always the kid who would go up to the older kids and start talking to them at the playground and they would completely ignore him. He would just keep talking to them and he still does it. So, it's not like he, he's shy with adults and other things, but with kids he's usually not. I'm sure Torrance had a lot to do with that. He went to the other school was pretty good too and was at the top of, too expensive. We cut a deal with them. (pause) [00:12:00]

I was looking at my receivables from the guy I do a lot of titles from and he's owed me as much as $4,000 in the past.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: For the first time in a long time it's below $2,000.

THERAPIST: Good.

CLIENT: Well, that's what I thought. You know why it's below $2,000?

THERAPIST: No.

CLIENT: It's because I haven't been doing the titles to make it more.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: So, it's because of lower volume. He's still paying me at the same speed.

THERAPIST: There's just less work.

CLIENT: Fewer titles to pay me on.

THERAPIST: He's catching up. [00:13:00]

CLIENT: Well, it's just slow right now. I picked up another deal, so things are slowly percolating with it. Like, I mean the seller reps from the people who bought their places a while ago. It's a seller's market, so people just want to sell and I don't make as much money. I don't do anything but I don't make as much money. It's like $750 is the most I make, but for the work I do.

THERAPIST: It's not bad.

CLIENT: It's good cash. Yeah. And I get paid no matter what. I don't know, I don't want to seem desperate with this condo because they really seem willing to send me two-thirds of the money but I'm just going to wait it out until the end of the month and e-mail the two sane ones or partially sane ones and say, you know, I'm not fucking around. Is not going to cut me a check. If I don't have it by then, then I'm not going to get it. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to sue all of you. I'm going to have to sue you individually. So, try to do something about it or that's the next step. There's nothing else to do. You know. It's almost $6,000. How much can my malpractice go up on a $6,000 fee because they don't like you suing your clients for money because those bring a counterclaim of malpractice which would be kind of ridiculous? [00:14:45]

Number one considering the e-mails I have. I finally, did I tell you I found out why he backed out at the litigation? He decided, he became convinced that the one he was aligned with had been lying to him and that she was the problem and that he had committed some huge breach of his fiduciary duty by filing the lawsuit and doling out all the fines and the late fees and everything that he did he threw himself under the bus and in an e-mail he said I breached my fiduciary duty and so that is why he killed the litigation. So, you know, he's the one who wants to pay it. He feels guilty and is like it's your Khloe should not have to pay and the two of them should just pay their share. [00:15:50]

Khloe forwarded me that e-mail. It's an e-mail he sent to Khloe. So, when I replied to her with that, I made sure that I put Riley and Elaine on there so that he saw that she forwarded it to me. I'm sick of those people. I drive by their condo every time I go to Concord. I laugh. It will all be worth it when I get paid. It's stressful, but a lot of things I did for the first time, so it's like I got those out of the way and I feel much better now about going to court and plus my meds were working. I don't know if they're still working. [00:17:00]

Big plans for the weekend? Going to any parades? Strawberry festival? Put flags out?

THERAPIST: Maybe you're not so sure what to talk about.

CLIENT: I've got nothing to talk about. Is that, is that your analysis? I thought it was obvious. I'm just rambling. I know somewhere in there I'm not taking responsibility and I'm putting it on someone else. I haven't noticed that yet, so I can't really pay attention to it.

THERAPIST: You're mocking and belittling.

CLIENT: Oh, I would not say belittling, but definitely mocking. Well there is some redundancy in there.

THERAPIST: I think so. [00:18:15]

CLIENT: But, I don't know. What did I do? (pause) Someone last night told me, we went to watch the hockey game at some bar.

THERAPIST: You and Marcia?

CLIENT: Yeah. This woman who I had not, I didn't even notice her sitting next to me said I should be a stand-up comedian. She asked me if I was one. I'm like what the hell was I saying? I don't remember. It was just weird. What's that look for? What are you thinking about? [00:19:20]

THERAPIST: I'm thinking about you and comedy and it is a lot of how you relate to people.

CLIENT: That's why I like Marcia, because she's funny and she thinks I'm funny, sometimes. She doesn't like my pedophile jokes. What's better than sex with a four year old? Nothing. (laughter). So, this guy, this guy is hanging out with his girlfriend and she's like you know you're a pedophile, and he's like well, that's an awfully big word for a ten year old. (laughter) What did one pedophile say to the other pedophile? I will give you a ten for two fives. I watch too much TV. I've become completely... [00:20:45]

But, I'm an accountant though. People don't understand that about accountants. How they just, we joke about the most heinous of stuff just because it doesn't, you know. It's just what accountants do. Yeah. Marcia doesn't like the pedophile jokes. I find most women don't. I have yet to actually find any woman who likes the pedophile jokes. Men, on the other hand aren't so. Are you offended? Are you going to tell this to your next patient if it's a guy or if it's a girl? (pop noise) (pause) [00:22:00]

THERAPIST: I think you'd be feeling kind of uncomfortable if you weren't telling jokes now.

CLIENT: Yeah. What else would I do? So, I use humor as a defense mechanism for fill in the blanks.

THERAPIST: Well, that's what I am trying to do. What do you think?

CLIENT: You said that's what I am trying to do and then you decided not to take responsibility and then put it on me.

THERAPIST: Well, I figure that considering it is you that we are talking about.

CLIENT: Right, but you said that you were -

THERAPIST: I said I was trying to figure it out and then I asked you.

CLIENT: I like being funny. [00:23:15]

THERAPIST: I know you like being funny and you are funny and a lot of times it works pretty well, but I do think there's a part of it to do with you not being comfortable to relating to people in other ways or (pause) something. Something about other things that are difficult to talk about. I'm your therapist. Like what's the point of entertaining me? You know?

CLIENT: What is the point of entertaining you? [00:24:15]

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I'm entertaining myself at your expense.

THERAPIST: Well, I know you're doing something.

CLIENT: Well, it's not, you know, with you it's clearly a defense mechanism. It keeps you, you know, on your toes, sort of distracted. That's exactly what it is.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: And, it's just really unprofessional when you're just laughing the whole time. You're not supposed to enjoy this.

THERAPIST: I'm trying not to.

CLIENT: You need to keep your composure. It's like comedians who laugh at their own jokes. You know, stand-up comics. That's really a weakness. You really shouldn't be laughing at your own jokes.

THERAPIST: Right. [00:25:15]

CLIENT: The really good ones. I mean there's some laughing. Like, Eddie Murphy, his laugh is what's funny, but some of them just, they just can't help it. Like on Saturday Night Live you know they've been drinking when they're like laughing in the middle of the skits because usually they're pretty good.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: When they start losing it and usually it's not anything funny. It's probably something that happened back stage. You know they're shit faced. I don't watch that show.

THERAPIST: They did an interview with them Bill Hader from terry grove.

CLIENT: Which one is he?

THERAPIST: He's like tall, dark hair.

CLIENT: The name seems familiar, but I can't remember.

THERAPIST: Anyway, he was saying that he had this thing with one of the writers where a writer would like add a funny line in just on his cue card that he didn't know was coming. So, he's like the cue card guys knew it and the folks behind the camera knew it, so they'd all start laughing.

CLIENT: (laughter) That's funny. [00:26:30]

THERAPIST: Do you know what you're feeling uncomfortable about?

CLIENT: What's that?

THERAPIST: Do you know what you're feeling uncomfortable about?

CLIENT: In here?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: You're always judging me. Did you notice that? You didn't even notice.

THERAPIST: What?

CLIENT: I was deflecting your line of interrogation by the use of humor. I was distracting.

THERAPIST: Yes, I did notice that.

CLIENT: And it was completely subconscious.

THERAPIST: Well, but it wasn't completely subconscious because you picked up on it right away.

CLIENT: I mean I did it. [00:27:30]

THERAPIST: I know.

CLIENT: Without knowing I was doing it, but as soon as I did it, I knew that's why I did it.

THERAPIST: Talk about things just so that we can.

CLIENT: But, I don't necessary want to change that.

THERAPIST: Well.

CLIENT: It defines who I am as an autonomous being. I don't know. I mean has it caused me problems in my life? Jess didn't think I was funny, but that's, I probably should have picked up that she was just not a funny person a long time ago. Somewhere I went wrong with her. Maybe she just changed. I know she changed. I asked her why didn't you laugh at that joke and she's like well, it was funny the first hundred times you told me. It's like I tell the jokes here. No. Even that got old. She started telling that one a hundred times and the little fart stuff with Lucille just going I farted in my diaper. Just a big announcement. Jess's like she's embarrassed because she knows it's cute and funny, but at the same time she doesn't approve of that kind of humor. So, she's laughing at something she knows she doesn't want to think is funny, but it's funny. Potty humor is not funny. She doesn't want me to know she thinks it's funny because then I'm just going to be telling fart jokes to Ian the whole time. [00:29:15]

THERAPIST: How old is she now?

CLIENT: She's going to be 44.

THERAPIST: I think she's a too young to be embarrassed. I guess that's where I was going.

CLIENT: Lucille?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: No, not Lucille. Jess.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: Jess is embarrassed. You know, because like when I try and tell fart jokes to the kids or I'm trying to teach Ian how to do this. I can also do it with my knee too. She doesn't approve of that kind of behavior. It's like that's what kids do. You know? If he doesn't teach it to other kids at school, they're going to teach it to him. Why not let him get the credit? Did you meet anybody cool at school today, Bobby? There was this kid. I can't pronounce his name, but he could do the coolest thing with his armpit. [00:30:20]

I put Ian in to a text and I found which usually inserts it pretty good, auto corrected it to Seuss. S-E-U-S-S. I'm glad I picked that out. Really confusing. You know, one thing I have we're almost up, but we'll have time now that I finally have something to talk about, right?

THERAPIST: Go ahead.

CLIENT: I was thinking about how much sort of busier I am. It's like I'm not really busy with work, but now that I have to fit Marcia in to my schedule. I want to fit Marcia in to my schedule, but that's like putting a lot of you know. Just less time to do stuff. I went straight from work to meet her. Staying up late and trying to figure out, trying to see her and see Ian on the weekend. So, I was thinking about that and then I was just like whatever. I just have to deal with it. The alternative is not, you know, bored and alone. [00:32:00]

THERAPIST: You'd rather make the effort and be involved with her?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Yeah, so you actually care about it.

CLIENT: It?

THERAPIST: The relationship. Her.

CLIENT: Yeah. It's too late to get rid of her without crushing her whole world. [00:33:10] (pause)

It's too bad I can't introduce her to my mom. It's really not a good opportunity just because Ian is going to be around. It's just one more little dig that she's not religious. She is clearly not religious. The whole thing is silly.

THERAPIST: The religious thing?

CLIENT: Yeah. I think I'm actually turned off by religious women. This whole fact that my mom wants me to date one. And they whine. I just don't identify with that. You know? [00:34:30] (pause)

THERAPIST: Do you think your mom cares if you're actually happy with Marcia?

CLIENT: No. She'll say she does. I mean to say no is wrong. I mean she definitely cares some, but I think in her world she would be happier being able to tell her friends at the church that her son is dating a religious woman. [00:35:30]

For now, she probably makes some joke about it as a defense mechanism to not embarrass herself because her son is dating an atheist. Why, do you want me to bring my mom in here? Do you want to meet my mom? We can tag team her and really make her feel bad.

THERAPIST: I didn't realize you pretty much earned that.

CLIENT: Yeah. She sends me a text that when she comes up here I was going to help her buy an iPad. Weeks ago, she asked me which iPad she should get. I said well, get as much memory as you can spending the money you want to spend. Just try and get as much as you can. Well they said. I said listen, don't go by what they said because once you increase your performance and your memory you're going to be exposed to thing you wouldn't be exposed to that you might like. As time goes on you're going to own it longer if it has the more memory because you can have more photos on there and whatever. [00:37:00]

This was weeks ago, so I figured she had an iPad by now. No. I'm like why do you need me to go buy an iPad? She says I need you to load it. So, it's not just buy the iPad and take an hour or two hours or whatever to load this fucking thing. I told her I've used an iPad twice. Once was in a restaurant because it was the menu which was on an iPad which was pretty cool because you can pull up a picture of the dish and all the ingredients it was really neat. My response was no. I'm getting pretty good at saying no to Jess and my mom. I'm like go to the Apple store and they will load it for you. Oh, yeah, good idea. She's coming up for two and a half days and she wants to go to Best Buy. [00:38:00]

I'm like do you want to take the kids shopping? She's like no, don't the kids go to sleep? She's helpless. I shouldn't have given her a solution that made her happy. I should have just left it at no, but that's what my brother would do. I mean I never thought about just saying no. You know.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: My intent is not to upset her.

THERAPIST: Right. My impression is that you in a way kind of actually want to please her.

CLIENT: She's my mom. Think about how miserable she has to be living with herself, being that helpless. I think she feeds off it a little bit, but still. I don't know. I just want to be the number one son. Why, I don't know. I already know I am. I think they're talking again. I think she might have met his girlfriend who's religious. [00:39:20]

THERAPIST: She is?

CLIENT: They met online. Every time we that talk about on line dating my mom would be, no matter what I said, mom there's like 70 women I have set up dates with and half of them are religious. Why don't you go online? It's like my life has turned in to a Philip Roth novel. Do you read Philip Roth?

THERAPIST: I've got a book.

CLIENT: A lot of them are about family dysfunction. I can't remember which one it was. Goodbye Columbus or whatever. There's one where the guy is in therapy.

THERAPIST: Yeah. Portnoy's Complaint.

CLIENT: Portnoy's Complaint. Yeah. That's right. Goodbye Columbus was different, but still a very good book. How does it make you feel? You got very defensive when I said that the other day. [00:40:45]

THERAPIST: I did?

CLIENT: Yeah. Do I say that to you?

THERAPIST: How does that make you feel?

CLIENT: That's what you said to me.

THERAPIST: I'm a little confused. Did I get defensive or did you get defensive?

CLIENT: You got defensive.

THERAPIST: I got defensive.

CLIENT: Because I said you...

THERAPIST: Oh, yes. You quoted me to the Bible.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: And I was like do I ever say that and you were like no, but you do say the other thing about recognizing or being aware of. Notice it.

CLIENT: Note it and pay attention.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Well, usually it's note it, because now I interrupt you. You would say notice, I say okay I notice it so what the fuck do I do now? You say pay attention. There is a Radio Head song "Two Plus Two Equals Five" and there's one part where's he's singing really loud, screaming paying attention, paying attention. I haven't even noticed it yet. It's a good song. I've got to get it off the play list. Yeah. [00:42:00]

Marcia is like, last night she wanted to, originally I was like yeah, come to Andover. I don't know. She's just kind of been a little, she's just wishy-washy about things and so she was wishy-washy about that. I was like fine, whatever. Then, of course, once we get to the bar she's like oh, we just should have gone to Andover. She was supposed to go out of town with a friend, but her friend was sick or whatever so she invited herself over tonight. She's like oh, I'll come over to your place tomorrow. It's like okay I guess Ian is sleeping over Saturday night. So, I think she's gotten over that. When she thinks about things in the future, she thinks about me being there. You know concerts.

THERAPIST: We should stop.

CLIENT: Alright. Well, I will see you. I hope it all goes well. We'll have a lot to talk about on Tuesday. Are we meeting on Tuesday? Have a very good holiday.

THERAPIST: Thank you. You too.

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