TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
THERAPIST: Hey.
CLIENT: Hey.
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THERAPIST: What's on your mind?
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CLIENT: I'm thinking about how it doesn't feel right to say anything.
THERAPIST: Hmm.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: And how frustrating that is.
THERAPIST: Hmm.
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CLIENT: How are you?
THERAPIST: Doing okay. (PAUSE) (inaudible at 00:07:41)
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CLIENT: Yeah.
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CLIENT: I dreamt that my dad died and (inaudible) and that we would get to it tomorrow. (PAUSE) That's pretty horrible.
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CLIENT: Do you have something?
THERAPIST: Not quite.
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:11:31)
THERAPIST: Freud did it mostly by interpreting his own dreams and also, in part, I think in the way he was in touch with this friend of his, not exactly a colleague, more of a friend named Wilhelm Neese (ph). They were close for a while [00:12:11]
THERAPIST: He wrote to him about some of the things, not others (inaudible at 00:12:31)
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: He didn't meditate?
THERAPIST: He didn't. Not as far as I know.
CLIENT: You haven't asked him?
THERAPIST: I have not asked him. He did associate. That was sort of his method for analyzing dreams at that time was the associate to the elements of the dream and then look at the association and the kind of like repeated or kind of aggregate things.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: So interesting. Do you think it's an important part of (PAUSE) the experience of being in analysis because you're being analyzed? [00:14:05]
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: To do that kind of self-analysis or to...
CLIENT: Uh huh.
THERAPIST: Okay. Uh...
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THERAPIST: I was going to say, I think (PAUSE) in a way, I guess you could say that self-analysis is part of every analysis. You know, so there's no such thing as self-analysis. I think the self-reflective part is really important and one of the things one develops hopefully over the course of an hour.
(PAUSE) [00:16:00]
THERAPIST: I think you may be thinking about self-analysis today in part because you're pretty exasperated with me.
CLIENT: Like, "Forget this. I'll just do it myself?"
THERAPIST: Something like that maybe. [00:17:01]
CLIENT: I was thinking about you and how you relate to your (inaudible at 00:17:15) (PAUSE) I think there is something about being here that like you're (inaudible) it's hard to, it's hard to talk about things that are not happening.
THERAPIST: Hmm.
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CLIENT: Like... (PAUSE) I don't know. (PAUSE) Maybe it's like by doing that I'm ignoring too much or you're ignoring too much. (PAUSE) But what's been on my mind are things that are not happening.
THERAPIST: Oh.
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:18:57)
THERAPIST: Hmm. [00:19:01]
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THERAPIST: Well, it seems to me that's something that's going on both inside and outside the room (PAUSE) that it feels difficult to talk about those things.
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: Mm hmm. (PAUSE) Maybe it's also because I have (inaudible)
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CLIENT: And the one (inaudible at 00:21:05) that I haven't talked to him about is the dream. So that's the only thing I brought up today that has to do with not (inaudible)
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CLIENT: I was just thinking... I was noticing how there are sprinklers by every window.
THERAPIST: Hmm.
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:22:55) and what would happen if this one went off right now. They would have to stay (inaudible) [00:23:09]
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: I could find you an umbrella.
CLIENT: (LAUGHTER) And we would carry on?
THERAPIST: (LAUGHTER)
CLIENT: That's silly. (PAUSE) I guess there would be a reason to get out of the room, like a fire or something.
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CLIENT: So then it wouldn't work.
THERAPIST: I guess not. (PAUSE) So the dream was that your father died and then we didn't talk about it. We didn't get to it. But then we were going to talk about it tomorrow.
CLIENT: There was more to the dream but (PAUSE) that's the part that seems central. [00:25:07]
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: Your sensation was, "I wish the sprinklers went off or something happened like a fire and so we had to leave the room."
CLIENT: Mm hmm. (PAUSE) Yeah, well, and there's stuff to do. You have to take things out of the room.
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CLIENT: I had a rough transition coming home from (inaudible at 00:27:57)
THERAPIST: Oh. [00:28:01]
(PAUSE)
THERAPIST: What happened?
CLIENT: I cried a lot. I cried when we got into the car. [00:29:03]
CLIENT: (inaudible) Sort of a... It really... So like everywhere we went was so beautiful even when we're saying goodbye. Then we drove home and... [00:30:05]
CLIENT: (inaudible at 00:30:11) (WHISPERING) (inaudible) when we got home. (PAUSE) I don't know why this is so hard.
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CLIENT: It feels like I'm talking at you.
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THERAPIST: Well...
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THERAPIST: I'm not sure but (PAUSE) I wonder if you're feeling sort of the conflict in all of this is not so much between you and me as within you. I guess what I'm wondering about is whether (PAUSE) you, on the one hand, want to be talking about and focusing on nothing other than what's going on in the room and between you and me. [00:34:15]
THERAPIST: That would be desired. And, at the same time, maybe it's too consuming or too hot and you also want to be talking about all the other people, things going on in your life. Part for their own sake and part because there's not the same kind of heat. [00:35:09]
THERAPIST: And (PAUSE) maybe it seems that you have, if that's anywhere in the right ballpark, sort of (PAUSE) like projected some of this onto me in a particular way. What I have in mind is made me the one who doesn't want to hear anything about what's going on inside this room.
CLIENT: Mm hmm. [00:35:57]
THERAPIST: "We'll put your dad off until tomorrow." (PAUSE) "I don't want to know what happened on your way back from Maine." I'm not going to do that sort of... You have to talk at me as if you're trying to get through a barrier of some kind.
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: And so it maybe you're projecting into me the sort of half of your dilemma that's focused on just being interested in what's going on in the room.
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THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:37:01)
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: I was so frustrated yesterday. (PAUSE) (inaudible at 00:37:49)
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CLIENT: And at some point there was an explosion of... Well, it was sort of like a slow trickle at first (inaudible) how Zach (ph), just the two of us at home feels from vacation. I was supportive. I felt... I connected with how many people and stories and just worlds there are to explore when there are four generations and two dogs and mountains and frogs and turtles and tadpoles. [00:39:11]
(PAUSE)
CLIENT: So I felt the weight of the all at once and that led me back to the bedroom and I got it all off my chest and cried a lot and had really difficult time sort of speaking and breathing. And at some point, I felt so frustrated that I like couldn't be sharing this with you also.
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CLIENT: Like, one, because it was such an important contrast that hasn't really been so clear in the past and it felt... (PAUSE) It felt like progress or something. And a lot came up about how Jeremy makes it really hard to feel connected and engaged. He sort of doesn't really speak to me that much. [00:41:01]
CLIENT: He's off in his own world. So there was a lot of nice acknowledgement with that. But the end of the discussion was about how frustrated I am about not being able to bring separation which feels like a central challenge to you, like in a way that has to do with my separating from other people, not just you.
THERAPIST: I see. [00:41:55]
CLIENT: Because there's stuff like yesterday's painful separation and crying and pain was so pure and clean and (PAUSE) what I want help with. (PAUSE) But I can't like bring it here for some reason. So then Jeremy offered to record me which is so nice because it meant that he was tuned in, like plugged into this problem and like wasn't trying to make you go away.
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CLIENT: So I thought that that was a nice idea and I agreed to it and then he sort of started to take out his phone and then I realized, "I'm not feeling really that sad anymore, you know, after a long time crying and getting everything off my chest." So that was the end of that and I think talking about how I like wanted you to be there yesterday was part of what made me not feel that sad anymore because I talked about it. Like I got it out.
THERAPIST: Yep.
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THERAPIST: Rather than being unhappy about it or keeping it to yourself. (PAUSE) We should stop for now.
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