TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
CLIENT: So I have high blood pressure again.
THERAPIST: Oh.
CLIENT: Went and saw Dr. Huntsman (ph) and he said it's the steroids. He doesn't want me to have a stroke or die but I don't want to take any more medication. So I'm back on the blood pressure med. But they scheduled my GI appointment for the 29th. Next Friday I'm going to be in Ohio. I have a tournament at Columbus. And so I called back to see if I could get a date and they said well we've got to e-mail Dr. Buttersworth (ph) because the next available date was October. I said this is a post discharge appointment. I've got meds he's got to take care of, I need a colonoscopy, he's got to KY up the index finger, looking forward to that he's got big hands. So -
THERAPIST: Let's see, you're out next Friday?
CLIENT: Yes.
THERAPIST: Which is the 26th maybe?
CLIENT: Yes.
THERAPIST: Going to try to schedule something earlier in the week?
CLIENT: Well I'm leaving Thursday afternoon, and I've got to, I'm in court Thursday morning, so I think Wednesday might be the only time that will work out. I'm trying to squeeze in a workout with Eddie tomorrow, Monday and Wednesday to get my ass back in shape. I am just over 200 pounds. Maybe I lost a lot of weight in the hospital on a liquid diet. Maybe I'm just filing out of shape. I haven't been close to 200 pounds in quite some time. I've been telling the difference of five or six pounds but still. Maybe something early on [00:02:44]
THERAPIST: On Wednesday?
CLIENT: Do you think I need it? My big problems are the high blood pressure, by next Wednesday it won't, and I've absolutely no work to do. Very exciting. Okay, I made that as an exaggeration but today I've got to go print out a notice of appearance and go back to bed. Went to a concert last night. It was Further, which is Phil Letch and Bob Weir. And there's all these dirty hippies around the pavilion. This dude walks up to the state trooper, just your average concerned citizen, and says I smell marijuana. And the state looks at him and says I smell marijuana everywhere. It was funny because that place is, I don't know, I don't know if you've been down to the seaport recently but you've got illegal seafood, there's all kinds of good restaurant and bars and [hop a little] (ph). So between the concerts they have there and the people just going there to have dinner and party, it's a crazy place. Plenty of parking, though. We found parking right across the street. But, yes, this was a nice chat. [00:04:49]
THERAPIST: So for the most part you had a nice time?
CLIENT: Oh yes, so the insurance case manager calls me. And we go through all my crap and well this happened, that happened. She said well do you need any help with anything? I said yes, I can't seem to get a post-discharge appointment with my doctor. She said well what's going on? I said well I spoke to him yesterday and I thought I'd hear back from him by now. She said let me call him. She calls me back five minutes later. She said okay I got you an appointment on August 19th. And my meds run out, the prednisone runs out on August 1st and Dr. Huntsman (ph) said all right, I'll just prescribe you enough to see Dr. Buttersworth (ph) but why don't we start tapering? So because Dr. Buttersworth (ph) is a conservative taperer so if we could get that process going before. So that will bend. It's not quite a month but I'm not really in pain or I don't know if I'm tired just because even though I have nothing to do I seem really busy. [00:06:21]
Ian is coming over tonight and I hope I can stay up as late as him, so. And I don't know if I'm fatigued from the Crohn's or not having been exercising or eating more crap, that anxiety from having no work.
THERAPIST: Pressure.
CLIENT: I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent, whatnot, [00:07:00] insurance. I've got a closing but I don't know how much of that is going to it's probably to pay the rent. I realize now that I'm going to run into Jess and the kids in the neighborhood. They're getting ice cream and I'll be just walking around doing whatever.
THERAPIST: You mean, are they moving or?
CLIENT: They've already moved.
THERAPIST: Oh really?
CLIENT: Yes.
THERAPIST: Oh.
CLIENT: So it's I don't I mean, I don't even want I just don't want to talk about it with her, I don't care but she's trying to keep the house. Why did she move? She's paying rent. I don't know. [00:08:14]
THERAPIST: Are you getting tenant's to come?
CLIENT: No, there's tenant's upstairs. I think maybe she just had a jump on this place. It's friends so if she didn't take it this summer, you know, I think that's it. Another given ordeal but -
THERAPIST: So she's and she's -
CLIENT: My veins are just killing me. Sorry.
THERAPIST: That's okay.
CLIENT: They abused me. Yes, so I don't know what Lucille's doing in the summer. Ian is in camp. Lucille starts up Torrance (ph) in the fall. I don't think she's going to the she may be too young for the Torrance (ph) camp. I don't know. She'll do well there. Real big sandbox that's got the fact that she can climb in it. She's used to a little table. Did I tell you when we they were going up there for what they call porch fest where it's just all these porches throughout Summerville; they have bands playing on them.
THERAPIST: Oh really?
CLIENT: People's houses? Saw the band at Torrance (ph) and so Jess was taking Lucille and Ian up there and I said Lucille, you know, in Torrance (ph) they've got this sandbox that's so big you can actually stand in it. And she says wow. It's funny. Yes it's really I don't know how long it's going to last. It sucks. [00:10:17] [Pause]
How was your workout Tuesday? Go out? So you're going there today? Or have you already been? I think [inaudible at 00:11:03] like at the clinical part that you shouldn't smile and stuff like that, that you should -
THERAPIST: [laughs] I should be sour and discouraging and saying stuff like that?
CLIENT: Yes, because I don't know, if you control your emotions you're less likely to blurt something out that you could regret. Like, yes, it was a good workout. On behalf of all your patients, we imagine you have a good moment every once in a while like at the gym. The big sandbox. So I'm driving down to Ohio.
THERAPIST: Coming south? [00:12:16].
CLIENT: No.
THERAPIST: [inaudible at 00:12:18] Southern.
CLIENT: Bent, again. Some toads, some other non-toads will be there. The Providence Molassacre (ph). I guess at some point there was this big huge molasses spill in Providence.
THERAPIST: Yes, I think I maybe heard about that. [00:12:32]
CLIENT: Yes, so that's our team name this year. Historically we've been the Providence Hoffersocks (ph) so yes, I think we're the Providence Hoffersocks (ph), also known as Providence Molassacre (ph) so they know that it's us when we go on the tournament. They've been going on the tournament that long. But Columbus's the second to last stop on the Ohio shore. I mean practically West Virginia. They've got two rounds each game, so for the first game one group plays at 9:00, the other group plays at 10:30. So you play a game and then you have a bye, you play a game you have a bye, you play a game you have a bye. We have a bye, play a game, bye, so we get to sleep late. They actually have little dune buggy shuttles to take because people have all their stuff and it's just too much, I mean so people just load up these things and they haul them out there. It's pretty funny. [00:14:14]
They've got certain times, I don't know, certain times in the morning where you can ride bikes. Also a tram that goes on the road so it's, the morning's less crowded but it's still pretty airy. So you've got all these hungover handball players wandering all over the place. And they've got these crazy bikes that's like a car but four people can sit in it and the pedals and, you know, like those little family so everybody's tooling up and down on bikes and these little car things and just chaos. Every other store sells shirts that all say the same thing. Last year the big thing was what's that British thing, that something, something? The other shirt that we like was I Pooped Today. That was the name of my Fantasy Football team.
THERAPIST: I Pooped Today?
CLIENT: I Pooped Today, yes. You ever have frozen custard?
THERAPIST: Heard of it.
CLIENT: It's ice cream with egg in it, is basically what it is. It's really good. And they had funnel cake but you can get that anywhere. So it'll be fun. I'm going to go down Thursday night. Rich and Melanie they're from Ohio so they're dropping off their kid and we're going to go bowling because that's the Ohio thing to do is to go bowling. We're going to go down the rest of the way Friday morning. Tournament's on Saturday and Sunday, head back Monday. Closing on Tuesday. I have to bring my laptop. It's a cash closing so I literally have everything all buttoned up and ready to go before I leave. [00:16:26]
So there's not a whole lot going on. Not a lot of work. I talked to Phil; Phil's not busy. I don't know if Jamie's busy but he's not sending me any work other than a couple. And I mean the re-fi's aren't out there so I don't get the re-fi titles anyway. But the Registry's packed, I don't like that.
THERAPIST: That's what you said, yes.
CLIENT: So I don't know. Last year July was slow but it kind of picked up but the re-fi's took us into the winter. So I don't know what's going to happen. I don't have any closings for my guy at E&G, Harry. I was thinking of having him invite me to the sale. I should. There's absolutely no expectation of getting business. I think some clubs today will actually fine you for finding no business. But everybody knows what you do. And I know Harry has gotten closings out of it. But I don't know. I just think it would be more helpful and getting my name in Concord. My starting people recognize my name in Pembroke. I'm getting a lot of landlord-tenant stuff from the Internet. I'm going to have him put up my landlord-tenant page on the website. It's all Google whatever but because of my website my Google is high, so it's all working out; finally paying for itself. [inaudible] not good to me. [00:18:26]
It's hard to say because some of the business you know is generated because you look at the e-mail from the website where there's a special number they call. But I ask everyone, Google, Internet, so it's harder to track. Some people don't even remember. Figure if I go to the club and I like it and I join it, I'm doing it because I've got nothing to do. Then all of the sudden I might be busy so it's my Murphy's Law. Can you game Murphy's Law? I try to game it's like if I'm scheduling a vacation it's the perfect thing to get some closings, leave town, something will happen. I guess I could try and work on the separation agreement. Get divorced. Would be nice.
Switched my auto policy even though it's going to be more expensive. I was paying for both of our cars anyway so she gets her own insurance she'll start paying for hers. I'll get a new car discount, two-driver discount. Get into an accident and they you get your claim person, they're going to call me back on my cell phone and they call me on the work phone. E-mail just they don't pay attention. I'd rather give it to the woman in E&G. Give her some business. Three dollars she makes me a policy. I don't even contemplate; make a decent chunk of that. I mean I make 70% on the policies I write. But I do all the due diligence so they just take it off the commission. A couple of the people at E&G have hired their services and they've been a little lax. The construction guy -
THERAPIST: They've what?
CLIENT: They've been a little lax.
THERAPIST: I got that. What do you mean they've hired their services?
CLIENT: I've hired them.
THERAPIST: Oh you hired them.
CLIENT: Yes. The IT guys set up e-mail and everything for me. It's been a slow process to get the e-mail going. And now I'm noticing with my new e-mail address that it's hitting spam. I send myself an e-mail from my Gmail and Gmail picks it up as spam. So everyone on Gmail now is going to be spam? So I've got to talk to him. There's probably something I can do as far as how to format it or whatever. One of the reasons I switched was that so that I had a better spam filter coming in because I was losing e-mails sitting in spam, in my spam.
THERAPIST: I see.
CLIENT: But I probably have the same issue with the other e-mail address. But I had the contractor put up blinds in my office with is all [inaudible at 00:22:36] and glass. Light comes in in the morning and it's really hot. Can't see my computer screen. He's not making any money on it. He's got real work. I'm just being lazy and [inaudible at 00:22:54] he can do it. As opposed to paying the [inaudible at 00:22:55] to do it. The organize for my office will give it a better right now I think it looks pretty good. It's clean, got some pictures on the wall, my name on the door. And now when I'm not in there I can just close everything up and people won't see my mail scattered all over the floor. I'm trying to think of some sign I could put up, by appointment only, and then [inaudible at 00:23:31] whatever. I don't know if I'm allowed to do that. [00:23:34]
And then there's my divorce attorney who hired me to do some stuff for one of her clients. And I agreed that I would get paid out of the money they collect. I think the first check was $10; they owe me $400. Of course I paid her bill now. Three hundred and twenty-five bucks for [inaudible at 00:24:10]. She thinks she should be there to introduced the kids, to some of the other [inaudible at 00:24:16]. It's a little complicated. You're at that age where a lot of her friends have kids and oh let's get the kids together. So people want to see the kids, play with the kids, barbeques, [inaudible at 00:24:47] crap. Still have to get my letter for I've kind of fallen off my contact management system.
THERAPIST: Write up a spreadsheet.
CLIENT: Probably have to get that back up and going. I even did this thing for the farm. I'm supposed to draft a Memorandum of Understanding for Ropes and Gray Tour Review. People up in Monmouth have gotten the town to take a family farm and convert it to a community farm.
THERAPIST: Right. I think you mentioned that. [00:25:27]
CLIENT: And now it's just taking forever and I said okay I'll do it. So I'll clear it and have to pick it up. I said just send me an e-mail. She never sent me an e-mail. Then she sends me an e-mail when I'm in the hospital. Well first it was vacation, Fourth of July in the hospital. I finally did it yesterday so. That's the little work I have; I've been doing stuff like that. And even my hospital bills are going to be over $35,000.
THERAPIST: I had no idea.
CLIENT: Yes, because I have a $250 ER co-pay, 20% co-insurance with my out-of-pocket capped at $5,000. I've spent $40 towards my out-of-pocket maximum, I don't know. I calculated I'll owe $6,875. I'm guessing $400 on the out-of-pocket expenses I mean because it just started June 1st is my and it's fine because I always thought it was a calendar year and apparently it's not. I went online with it. I just talked to these people and you get a different answer from everyone but I was going to make a deal with Hoag. I don't sue you guys for torture and you waive the $7,000. In fact as I'm thinking the limit in small claims court is $7,000 so I was just going to go into small claims court and say a liquid diet for two days I shouldn't have been on, all kinds of crazy stuff that had I seen a G.I., they would've and so it was at least an extra day in the hospital I couldn't work. I couldn't masturbate without my guy next to me joining a hand or anything like that.
Both guys had their wives there the whole time. That's about $7,000 worth so we'll just call it even. I mean I do have admissions of guilt; they bought me coffee. They gave me $40 towards my parking. Somehow I got an order for IV Morphine as I'm leaving the hospital. And Dr. Huntsman (ph) is telling me that Oxycodone would be fine for my intestines, after he'd sewn them. [inaudible at 00:28:07]. I said no, I gave them away. That's probably better. I shouldn't have had 10 Oxycodones and no pain. I mean those things are I don't feel good on those things. Helps if you drink a little bit or a lot. But it's really this weird loopy feeling but not like a buzz it's more like a when I was in the hospital the pain wasn't so much that I didn't even want it. And then totally wore off; yes I'll take another one. Another productive session. [00:29:04]
THERAPIST: Well it's difficult for me to figure out what's going on.
CLIENT: What's going on? I'm in quite a good mood. I'm just spaced. Other than work but I'm on Prozac. Things are going well with Marcia but Wednesday I went down there for her friend's birthday party. And I had nothing to do on Wednesday so I stayed down there and walked dogs with her, which is fun but, she says don't you have any work to do? She works doesn't work; she's a paralegal so she still goes in and works for the lawyer and he's slow too. You're either really busy or really slow. Or they're in one of those markets where it just varies from lawyer to lawyer, realtor to realtor. [00:30:19]
Why is it when I was making a lot of money I had a lot of bills and I have less bills now but I'm not making a lot of money? Somehow it got screwed up. Of course if I was still making money I'd still have all those bills. [Or maybe you're right] (ph). I think we were just under the means test where if the rent comes over a certain amount you have to do the repayment plan, for 11 months. Yes, I mean just don't have a lot of complaints that are bothering me. I've got high blood pressure. I was pretty bummed when I found out I had to go on steroids. So I thought the same thing with high blood pressure, oh man, not again. The [00:31:50] twice the dose I was on last time. I was 160 over 102 or something like that. But I was huh; made a couple jokes. I'm sure it will all come crashing down and you'll earn your money but [00:32:16]
THERAPIST: Well, here are a few things that are confusing to me. You're talking -
CLIENT: Rambling -
THERAPIST: Kind of. I mean endlessly in an almost kind of compulsive way about having no business and nothing to do.
CLIENT: I figured I've got to come in here and complain about something and that's all I got.
THERAPIST: And the other thing that I'm offering is that I think you like to come in and talk but you never want me to say anything really. For any time I start to say anything -
CLIENT: It makes me very uncomfortable obviously because you haven't told me anything.
THERAPIST: Oh really?
CLIENT: You've been quiet.
THERAPIST: I've been quiet but I didn't realize that was making you uncomfortable.
CLIENT: I'm not uncomfortable but I feel like I'm doing all the work. Maybe that's why I'm talking compulsively. I don't know. Compulsively?
THERAPIST: You get you used to do it more and for another, a little bit you kind of the way you come back to I've got nobody, I've got no money, I've got nothing to do there's a kind of like a little like [inaudible at 00:33:53] in the middle of the road.
CLIENT: You're saying it's been bothering me and I've just, I'm trying to write it off and it's really -
THERAPIST: No I'm saying that -
CLIENT: I mean I'm noticing it, I'm paying attention to it and it's not helping. No, I mean, I guess [00:34:07]
THERAPIST: I mean you use it more so maybe -
CLIENT: not helping a bit, not getting me more business.
THERAPIST: six or nine months ago or so, even more like a year ago. You come in and you sort of go through I owe this much for this and that much for that and this much for this and that much for that, I've got this much coming in here and that much coming in there and this is coming in this time and that's coming in that time, I got this like you kind of that's what I kind of mean compulsive is that kind of anxious listing sort of quality to it that it's like you were trying to grab onto something because you felt like you were kind of in freefall.
CLIENT: That's why I thought if I made a spreadsheet because I think that's when I'm just trying to get my mind wrapped around it because it's always I think I got all my expenses thought about and then there's always something that I left out that's major. I was noticing Marcia was doing that last night about her schedule today. She kept on going through her schedule just like you're describing. So she was having anxiety over her schedule.
THERAPIST: Well it seems like something, not necessarily related to her schedule. It's trying to use the structure to hang onto something because she been anxious. That's a little bit of what it's like. I think partly you're feeling anxious because maybe you're not sure what to do here especially if I don't have much to say? [inaudible at 00:35:58]?
CLIENT: Yes, I mean coming in I realized there was really nothing on my mind other than high blood pressure and my work. Then we talked Tuesday and not a whole lot's gone on. A good chuck of that because I stayed over there Wednesday day was with Marcia so I'm all happy. [00:36:36]
THERAPIST: I mean that's sort of -
CLIENT: You notice the sarcasm? Did you hear that? Yes. I bit (ph) it off maybe a day before, two days before, that morning, there was stuff going through my head and maybe because I got no sleep. I guess it was nothing other than high blood pressure was going. Maybe I am anxious about that. Well I know it's under control so it's kind of like a problem that's not a problem but I don't like having the problem. I'm working out tomorrow, did I tell you I'm going to work out? Just got to get back in and jump in it. If I try and say oh I'm going to work out at home I'm not going to do it.
THERAPIST: [inaudible at 00:37:58]
CLIENT: If I drive all the way to [inaudible at 00:37:58] I'm going to work out. Then when I get there, I'll suck it up and it'll be better once I start. I just want to drop below 200. That's fighting weight. Actually my body weight's more like 185. I still have 20 pounds [on you] (ph). I'm interested to see how I'm going to play in the tournament. I've got a game Tuesday night which will be the first game back from the hospital on steroids. I was struggling before with my endurance. [00:39:04]
THERAPIST: It seems that the story is [inaudible at 00:39:06] your endurance?
CLIENT: I don't know. I think they take a lot out of me. It's not like I'm going to build the muscle mass with this stuff.
THERAPIST: No I didn't think they were that kind of steroids.
CLIENT: So I'm missing time. Even doing I mean the workouts are decent cardio but it's not enough to really get you in total shape for Handball. So the tournament's just going to be a good workout because I'm but I'm interested in seeing how much I can play and whether I'll wilt in the weather or not. I was dying just walking around on Wednesday. It was ungodly hot. Last night I was sweating. Coming up you could smell me; I was just sweating my ass off. And it wasn't even it cooled off but it was just so humid. There was even a breeze but I just couldn't stop sweating. [00:40:11]
I was thinking maybe I could just call Hoag and get on a $10 a month payment plan. Seven hundred months to pay it off. How many years is that?
THERAPIST: Fifty years or more.
CLIENT: Fifty years. I can put it off for a while. The case manager said you ought to just call them and get it working now. And I said why? They don't do anything. They go to collections and then you call them when you've worked out a payment plan. So you've got all that time where you don't interest free, it's not like it's a hospital. I even did that with the physicians who I owed a medley of labs and stuff like that. And so I called them up, I thought it was $140 so I was going to get on the $10 a month payment plan, and they said you paid this two weeks ago. I said really? I've become good at what bills I need to pay and what bills I don't need to pay. Student loans took down my credit a little bit more. I'm trying to get a forebearance on the big loan but my loan's almost paid off. The third one was written off on bankruptcy. I didn't even know it could be. Maybe it was something sort of personal. I don' know. But I go into my account and it says defaulted. No shocker there. [00:42:20]
THERAPIST: Okay, I don't mean to sound mad (ph) but I think part of what you're doing is telling me all the stuff about not having enough money and credit going down and not having business and not having work. I think it also refers to not having job -
CLIENT: Success. Oh I'm sorry.
THERAPIST: it looks like you want to talk about and you are not knowing what's going on -
CLIENT: I'm going deep today I guess, it's tough.
THERAPIST: But also like some way of feeling kind of impoverished in terms of your emotional life or in terms of what you're bringing here that it's hard to get in touch with something that feels worthwhile to you about yourself or what's going on to talk about. There's a sense of impoverishment that way as there are about things that you're eager, concerned, confused, excited, sad, frustrated about like there's a sense of things then you get a hold of something that puts words in it to use or to bring out to look at. And I think that's what's part of it and I think it makes you anxious not to have that sense of value or [inaudible at 00:44:30] in a way. We can stop now.
CLIENT: Until Tuesday?
THERAPIST: Tuesday.
CLIENT: Enjoy your workout.
THERAPIST: Thanks.
CLIENT: Punch it.
THERAPIST: You too.
CLIENT: I need it today. [00:44:42]
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