TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
THERAPIST: I am out next Friday.
CLIENT: Saving your money. I cancelled today's game at 2:00. I don't want to. No I think the finances thing is starting to heat up. I was very anxious yesterday. That's what I attributed it to. Jess sent me a text asking me money for Torrance (ph), which was due that day. So I said thanks for the heads up. How much? She said half of $1,400. Oh, another $700. Good. So it's all kind of coming to roost this week. And of course I mail-ordered Phish tickets, which I may or may not get but if I get the charge will go through or hopefully go through. And I'll ultimately recoup the money back but I've got to -
THERAPIST: For the Phish tickets?
CLIENT: For the Phish tickets, yes. Compliments of [inaudible at 00:01:33], it's my money that tied it. I know, it makes no sense.
THERAPIST: I had a funny train of thought. [inaudible at 00:01:49] selling insurance so [inaudible] recoup the money for the Phish tickets. It sounds like she has a closing at the Phish concert? That would be really cool.
CLIENT: Well there are two. No I buy four tickets and I sell, I'll probably sell a pair. And if I wanted to I could make money on them. I'll at least get half the money back. I don't know. Things are just, it's weird. I've got a new client meeting on Monday and there seems to be things percolating it's just that nothing's coming through. And some people owe me some money but it's not so much anymore that I [inaudible at 00:02:49] my conservatorship case; start Mikeing some hours on that. It's just I'm kind of hinting next week is going to be a cash flow issue. I've got to kind of figure out what that's going to be and I guess call my dad. Throw myself on the mercy of the court. [00:03:11]
I was very anxious yesterday. I took a Lorazepam because I didn't have a Klonopin and I might have taken two. And I don't know. Been exercising a lot and didn't play Handball. Actually I did the three workouts with my trainer Saturday, Monday, Wednesday, went to Ohio, had a great time. And I was party captain, which I don't know what my job was. I did what I would normally do. But it's interesting because I really made an effort to not play a lot of points. My endurance was definitely I'd play a point and I'd just feel blah, really bad. So I didn't play a lot of points. I played as big a number of them, but we would go swimming between each game, you have there's A and B slots. So A teams play and then the B teams play and then the A teams play. So we were in the B slots so during the A slots we'd go swimming. And they got great surf there and you would dive in it and body surf and you do all this fun stuff. And I'm not going to go out there and just stand in the water. I'm going to have fun. [00:04:38]
So it's like this you're playing four games of handball but then you're doing four I mean it's swimming, it's, you're fighting through the waves and my upper body was so it was decent workout. And it was a lot of fun. It was much more last year it was more kind of a spiritual oh this is nice to just get away and realize that I can do things in life and enjoy it. This year was have some fun and I started drinking a beer in the first game. You have a beer each game it doesn't I can't take Advil with my intestines so I've been supplementing with alcohol and recreational medications, which hasn't really helped that much. But I think during the tournament it takes a little bit of the tongue (ph) of the pain off. It was fun but it came back and I just haven't gotten a lot of sleep between Marcia and handball and she came into Westford Monday night and then Tuesday night we had a handball game where we had two subs but one guy injured. Two-thirds of the team had played at Columbus, so everybody's tired, and then I did my workout Wednesday. Had a game last night against a very good team, very fast, very tall. Even their short, old, fat, slow people are tall and fast. That kind of team. It was a fun game but we didn't have a sub until late in the first half and I was just dead. I biked down to Waltham going just straight uphill. [00:06:39]
But I got to get back in shape. I'm not going to do that by lollygagging. And I'm losing weight because now I'm going to all these doctors appointments and I'm seeing I'm just over 200 which is the lowest I've been in a long time. And I'm getting more compliments about my bulkiness. Dr. Huntsman (ph) said that I'm moving everything up. But I saw Dr. Huntsman, I don't know if we talked about this but I had high blood pressure so he put me on high blood pressure medication. I went back, the nurse took it and it was high again and he came in and took it and it was more borderline. But he didn't like the he basically increased my dosage. Wasn't happy about that.
Dr. Buttersworth (ph) my G.I., was able to squeeze me in on Tuesday. So it turns out he was out of town when I was in the hospital. And he was really unconcerned. He said it was a mild flare. He said you've got active Crohn's. We can put you well he started weaning me off the steroids, which he does it slow so it's five weeks. [inaudible at 00:08:02]. That noticeable?
THERAPIST: Slightly. Not so much. A little bit. [00:08:08]
CLIENT: I'm a little self-conscious about it [inaudible at 00:08:17] and they kind of hurt, like these ones right here. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. So I have been having a little pain; I went back to Dr. Buttersworth (ph). So he really, we just kind of talked about it a little bit and it's at the point where okay, I've got Crohn's, a flare, I'm on steroids. So he's going to wean me off, five weeks and with bigger drops. I went from 40 to 30 and I'm going to go down to 20 next week and then it goes to 15, 10, 5, none. I may alter that a little bit.
But last night I woke up in the middle of the night with pain and tried to think of why. I ate a whole calzone for dinner. That's a lot. And then I played a lot of handball. I started taking chia seeds, which is high fiber. Eddie, my trainer, he takes it number one in the morning as sort of a breakfast type of you know what chia seeds are? You put water in them and they gel up. So they're really good for hydration, marathons, they're good for just all your omegas, antioxidants, fiber. Kind of like a super flax seed. And you put it in water and it turns into a gel, which you can put in the fridge. And so I'm doing I originally was doing it for fandball tournaments. Fatigue's been here and it really doesn't seem much but I did it Brian and Harry had some and I did it the way you're supposed to do it at Columbus. Huge difference. I just did not feel the need to drink the water because I was hydrated. And I didn't refill my bottle until after the third game. Usually I'm refilling it the first game. Even so, because it was warm. Weather was gorgeous. [00:10:40]
So I decided if I'm going to do, get it for hydration it's also a very good thing where you take it in the morning and it helps slow down carbohydrate absorption so it keeps you hungry, less hungry, and just got a bunch of fibers, that's the thing I would be very happy about, and the omegas all that other crap, whatever. Started doing that and I was thinking maybe do the big bike (ph) glass over before Handball. I was wondering maybe that could've been it. Truly I had diarrhea last night. Why? Fuck if I know. Fuck if Dr. Buttersworth (ph) knows.
Dr. Buttersworth (ph) says he doesn't think my Crohn's has or ever has been related to stress. So he's given me the option of going on maintenance medication. I said yes, give me more drugs. I need more co-pays; I'm not paying enough. But he says if you're having a flare in one or two years take a prednisone. I'm not going to end up in a hospital. I think I'm a little more cognizant of it now where I might have dismissed some other pain as gas or because it's been a long time since I've felt Crohn's pain. So when I feel mild pain coming on I can just make an appointment or have my yearly checkup. So this was just a God event, mild but a lot of pain, and I probably hadn't had flares or active Crohn's all along it just I'm a tough guy. That's what they said at the hospital. They said that was one of their excuses for having trouble treating me was they felt that I was in more pain than I was owning up to. I said oh is that why you wanted to give me Tylenol? [00:12:58]
But, so high blood pressure it sucks. Acne sucks. I've done it a little, a little bit of agitations. Just kind of the old stuff where the wallet won't go into my pocket [inaudible] and I get upset. I start riding my bike again this week. I would've rode it today but it was raining. I'm meeting with Jess on Monday to hash out the separation agreement. I want to get this shit over with. I don't know how to exactly describe my relationship with Marcia but it seems like there's been a sort of a new phase almost where it's like the assumption is yes we're going to do something, yes we're going do something this weekend. Like, yesterday was Jerry Garcia's birthday and this Grateful Dead cover band was doing a blues cruise, which I get seasick on those things so I have to take a lot of ginger. What was I talking about? You weren't even paying attention. [00:14:36]
THERAPIST: Marcia.
CLIENT: Oh yes. So I promised to do that and then she remembers that a friend of hers band is playing in Heatherford so she said oh, maybe we'll go down to Heatherford. Then she remembers that her best friend's daughter is playing her first club show and she said I have to go and I said yes, you should go. And she kind of interpreted it as just her. So of course I'm going and then she later made some comment about where I go she goes and so it's more of a relationship thing going on. So I want to get the separation agreement done. I'm torn about the whole kid thing. Marcia brought it up and I said kids, you know. I mean I'm the one who threw it out there and I really don't want to talk about it with Jess on Monday but I have to. And I just don't understand these bright lines, six months. Well, what's so magical about six months? I think what's important here is the time since we've separated has been over two years, which I don't think anyone would argue is not a long time and not a conservative amount of time, for the kid to get over my parents are getting back together. I mean he'll never be over that but it's not as big of an issue. Like I asked him if he knew what a boyfriend was and a girlfriend and all that and he didn't. And somehow the conversation ends up where he just wants the two of us to work together, live. That's what he [inaudible at 00:16:40].
But part of one of the things I read that I thought was a very good idea was instead of they suggested a neutral location, like a friend's barbeque or something like that. But something I read suggested sort of introducing the person through oh, just bringing up their name, you know, I did this with Marcia, and then kind of step up to handing them the phone to say hi to Marcia, you know, so kind of prepping them before they meet this person. And then you just treat them as a friend, no PDA or any of that crap, which whatever. And all of that, I don't know how a relationship is judged on six months.
THERAPIST: Is it that unlike the time spent are arbitrary measure of what's going on in your relationship?
CLIENT: As opposed to what's actually going on. We're looking at next week four months and I'm going to try to negotiate some of the time I've worked. I mean I can't really say this to Jess but I've never kind of been in a relationship like this. This just seems to be the hard to describe exactly why but there seems to be a little more fun, flirtiness and affection and all that kind of stuff. This woman's had many reasons to run away. Not just walk away but run. I mean you snicker but [00:19:05]
THERAPIST: I didn't actually snicker at anyone.
CLIENT: I get it. It's taking us a long time. And I'm not helping it but I kind of want to just I feel like I, I don't want to say that I'm testing but I just want to we were driving, I live by Westford Hospital. And so we're driving by the half the hospital's the psych ward.
THERAPIST: Back up a little bit here.
CLIENT: No, I'm running this show.
THERAPIST: I smile because she hasn't run away and it's nice that you're so, you're wrong. But you sort of attribute to me the opposite, that I'm snickering as though I'm thinking instead of oh, it's kind of nice you're wrong Cameron, something more like oh my God she sure does. [00:20:07]
CLIENT: Well that's what my family thinks. What is this woman doing with Cameron? My dad calls me up and says someone (ph) sent a picture to my mom. He says oh she's pretty. Tell her your retired OB-GYN dad thinks she's pretty. So once again why is there a problem? Why -
THERAPIST: What you sent a picture that your dad got -
CLIENT: I sent it to my mom and I think she forwarded to Dad.
THERAPIST: Right, she forwarded it to your dad, yes, he got a hold of. And he says tell your retired OB-GYN dad thinks she's pretty. That's not what is she doing with Cameron.
CLIENT: What's that?
THERAPIST: That's not your dad saying what the hell is she doing with you?
CLIENT: No, but then he went into there were plenty of comments about questioning this woman's sanity and judge of character, all that stuff. They do it with any person I communicate with, except you. You're getting paid well, that doesn't make any I do have some checks for you, though. I'll bring those on Tuesday. Oh so we're not ?
THERAPIST: We're on Tuesday, just not next Friday. I'm away [inaudible at 00:21:27] Friday.
CLIENT: I broke down and put a passcode on my phone. I'm now realizing that it's no pain in the ass whatsoever. It takes like less than a second to do it. But I really had myself exposed. I didn't mind people texting from my phone. They texted to Marcia that I like little boys. But I had that coming because I've done that to them many times. And there's Melanie who does have a code on her phone but she's the one I text from other people's phones. So that would be the ninth? [00:22:14]
THERAPIST: Right. Just so you know.
CLIENT: And then in August I'm going to have my something I need. But, yes my yearly trek to South Carolina.
THERAPIST: Oh, are you telling me you're going to be out? I'll write it down.
CLIENT: Oh yes, I guess we can do that too. Is it going against my time? I plan to leave for South Carolina I'm going to drive this year, which no one thinks I should do which makes me think I should do it. So I'm going to leave on the 21st, so the 23rd no Rileyer what would be out of the question because even if I flew I would be gone that day. And then there's a very good chance I won't be back for Tuesday morning. My plan might even be to leave South Carolina on Monday and that would break it up. I kind of want to stop and play some golf with Ray in Virginia. It's not far enough to make a stop, like on Wednesday night I'm stopping and that cuts off six hours on a seventeen-hour trip, that's a pretty decent overlay. Actually it's less, it's a 15-hour trip so it gives me about 9 hours. Virginia's cutting it close but I want to see Ray even if I don't play golf. Just I want; I should. So yes I probably should cancel the 27th.
THERAPIST: Okay. Fine.
CLIENT: I mean I'm perfect anyway so I'm all fixed. Micah cancelled on me today, bitch (ph). Yes, no one thinks I should be on [inaudible at 00:24:14]. I got a brand new car. I love driving. I had a great time driving down to Ohio. I like driving especially going to South Carolina where you're not going down 95 you're going through some mountains and stuff. That's a nice drive. I get to see my buddy Mike who I don't see very often. I never met his wife; I've never been in his place. I can get there, maybe check some stuff out while he's at work and then we can go have some dinner and some pops and I can kidnap him and take him to South Carolina. But it also gives me some flexibility in South Carolina when I leave and just getting up and fighting to get to the airport when I'm really hungover and tired, it just, you know. Yes, but Marcia thinks I'm crazy. But we knew that.
Yes, I mean we drove by Westford Hospital, and I point it out. I say yes, yes, that was my room right there. The whole sexual thing is still kind of not working out as planned or as hoped or as it seemed for a moment that I didn't need the Viagra but now it's kind of going back to that I should. And just timing it. Like she came over Monday night and I say oh I got to take a pill and wait a half-hour and she said I'll be asleep. I'll wake you up. All I did was I went to the fridge to get her Gatorade. And I went from ready to go to -
THERAPIST: Bed? [00:26:20]
CLIENT: Inability. And then brought all kinds of prostitutes and fluffers and it hasn't worked. Not that I didn't enjoy that but no one else had a good time. So despite all these things I guess it helps out a nice person. For friends and family like me it's kind of main, I wouldn't say it's going out of my way but I try to make her friends happy and do little things. I think I told you because she thinks as a fan I'm going to need some back up.
So I don't know, yes. I guess I should maybe try and arm myself with the knowledge of why six months because Jess says there's factors and she said she could send me some material on it. I mean is this something you've heard of or in your own sort of assessment of kids would make sense? I mean one of the things Jess wants to do is go to a parent coordinator for this and -
THERAPIST: What's a parent coordinator?
CLIENT: They coordinate visitation and help with doing what's right for the kids. Kind of situations where the parents are having trouble agreeing on something.
THERAPIST: Is this a help [inaudible at 00:28:09] or an like an advocate person or something? [00:28:13]
CLIENT: No, they're more of a mediator-type. It's like hiring a guardian ad litem. They're representing the kid basically but they it's a coordinator type of. And I don't know if these some of them I think are lawyers. But I don't have the money to spend for that and I don't have -
THERAPIST: Right. My impression is that things aren't that contentious between you and Jess or others. I mean even if you waited until six months -
CLIENT: Well but there are certain things that she holds her guns to and this is one of them. So I don't feel like this is the battle I want to pick but I don't know. I mean I Marcia would I think would understand but there's this underlying thing of and she, even when I asked her, said she wanted to take the relationship slow, which I have no idea what she meant by that because it doesn't seem to be moving slowly in my book. It's not like, I mean, it's not like it's moving fast but -
THERAPIST: Yes. Yes I mean the point person here should really be is Ian still seeing the therapist?
CLIENT: I don't even think that was who knows what the fuck? I don't even know.
THERAPIST: Yes.
CLIENT: I don't even know when Lucille goes to daycare and when she doesn't or it's out of the blue. I see the kids when I can. They love me. Went over there the morning before I left for Columbus and I realized I was kind of having a little bit of a rush day, [I think to get] (ph) back into Providence. And Jess kind of suggested, because the plan was to go over there, play with Ian and Lucille, Jess takes Ian to school, comes back and take Lucille to daycare so Lucille and I would hang out. And she told Lucille this. And so when she suggested well maybe Lucille should come with her and Ian to drop and they could go [inaudible at 00:30:29] she said no I'm staying with Daddy. And there's one point where just out of the blue for no reason whatever she just kind of came over and hugged my legs. [00:30:44]
It was definitely improvement going on there. I told her about, you know they finished my room, my living room, and I told her about how her and Ian were going to have bunk beds. She was excited about that. I'm thinking maybe I should try taking her for an evening but having you or Jess come pick her up, probably take her home or walk her home. I think the proximity with walking is a little better than trying to drive her. She loves to stroll.
Yes, I guess I just have to talk to Marcia but I don't want to put doubts in her mind about the marriage thing. It's just not this is just not a battle that is that important to me. I just kind of already put the cat out of the bag and I don't know. So I think I may do my expenses worksheet this weekend and give my dad a call and see if he could loan me some money because I don't know when things are going to break for me in that regard. I never thought things were going to break for me in the female category so. Just [00:32:24]
We're doing a stack day in two weeks for health and wellness professionals at E&G and where everybody focuses on bringing those. In all my years we never really had membership committee is in charge of growing the chapter. But we didn't have a program in place. Everything was sort of done patchwork, willy-nilly. Some stuff worked; most stunted. So I decided of course as a [inaudible at 00:33:01] Google spreadsheet kid, to set up an ongoing program. We're going to start with a stack day, which I'm in charge of because it's membership committee and I'm stuck with it basically, but instead of giving people the outlet of oh I'm just going to bring water; I've done my job, I bought water, I brought wraps, I brought potato salad, no one's bringing food. I'm going to take care of getting food there. Everybody's got to bring in visitors and we're going to track them.
And we're not just going to track it for stack day but we're going to track it going forward. And not only is this going to give us information about how members are doing at inviting people but also people are interested in E&G and then they just, something comes up and they don't go. It just gives you kind of a good list the website sucks but it gives you a good list and better information to go back and maybe mine for some names for future events and things like that. [00:34:07]
So, because right now we have no system way of doing that, it's all memory. I think having a program, too, brings attention to it. You're either part of the program or you're not. And it's going to be on a spreadsheet that everybody can view. And I'll manipulate the spreadsheet and send out reports to people or hand them out. It's extra work for me but I think it directly affects my business. More people in E&G, more business in the end, so.
I'm going to coach a fall [hot league] (ph) team for handball. I've been a strong, vocally activist about how crappy the [inaudible at 00:35:15] website. One of the things, a lot of problems, but the main problem is that it always crashes during registration. Three people are signing up on a computer at once. Get a fucking server for that, one that will handle that. Or just rent the space by the time. You don't have to be on there. So after some nasty comments with the webmaster, I went to Karl, the president, and he said well, the Board this, they want to be acknowledged, so. But he gave me the go-ahead to get a proposal for outsourced. And I was working on that and then they pulled it out from under me. And I put in a complaint about this. My biggest complaint was the registrations not going through. Mine actually did go through but the website is clearly slow. Most people were shut out. They moved it to Friday but do you think they would put it on the Facebook page? Do you think they would put it on their Boodle, Info, Twitter, which I actually sent a message to saying you guys suck? Different words but you know. And they don't even get that. Everybody's in the dark. [00:36:35]
And my friend Sherry, who's a little older, she's pretty attractive, she says well maybe you should step up and try and help. I said I did try and help. So, a little of self you know, I'm pissed because this should have been fixed and they've made some changes to the website, which you can do it mobily. There's I don't approve this but this was the important thing because I clear my schedule for 5:00, whatever use is Monday; yesterday was a Thursday. I made sure I didn't go to the farm, which would've given me more time in Norwood on Saturday because by 5:00 I had to be on my computer to sign up because if men don't sign up right away they might not get in. Now I got in but if I had to rearrange my schedule to be on a computer by 5:00 on Friday that would suck.
I lost my assistant coach, Erin, on my soccer team. So I've got to find a new assistant coach. Erin was a little annoying to talk to but she was cute. And she, I could just let her go and she was good. So apparently one of the fathers, they always practice Friday and it messes with their holiday. So one of my new kids, his dad coaches on another team, said we might be able to rope him in. But it's important for me because I have a handball tournament, two handballs, three handball tournaments weekend after weekend after weekend. It's October. I think I'm going to have to pull in Riley is one of the dads who's always helpful. He's a teacher so I know him past his quarry (ph), probably already has a quarry (ph) just got to do it for this organization. [00:39:20]
I had to deliver some bad news to a client today. To some degree I've improved that I'm not really anxious about that as much. This morning I said, you know, I can't change it. She can yell at me, whatever, but this is something she screwed up by not hiring an attorney early enough for the process. She didn't have the money but still this is costing her. I always my big E&G spiel is that you can pay me a little bit of money now or you can pay me a lot of money later. And that's what's happening here. Not really because she doesn't have any money and I know I'm not going to collect it. [00:40:08]
Kind of a weird thing happened with my phone where just out of the blue the volume wouldn't go up and you kind of had to and it would stay, the graphic would stay, and you had to go down and tap it and it would go away. I did some research and it turns out it was a hardware problem. There's a spot where two little springs touch some metal and causes a ground and something happens. And everybody's just going into the Apple store and getting a new phone. So I figured that out this weekend when I was at Columbus and it was doing it all at Columbus. Since Monday it hasn't happened at all. Since Monday. So it was a pain in the ass. Only got a minute, huh? So what did we, what did we solve today? Anything important happen? Caught up? I always like spam.
THERAPIST: I think you mostly like to know that I'm here listening to what you have to say and that you're kind of in charge and that -
CLIENT: Well that's the easier position for you to think. You're along for the ride. I forgot what I was going to say. Well I have no one else to tell these things to is what I was going to say. I don't want to tell Marcia that my stomach's bothering me right now because then she'll say well maybe you should stay home; you should take it easier. I won't but you know. She is worried, concerned [00:42:42]
THERAPIST: I think you tend to -
CLIENT: Don't judge.
THERAPIST: yes, you don't want to hear anything I'm saying most of the time.
CLIENT: Say it; come on.
THERAPIST: I just did.
CLIENT: Oh, that I don't want to hear what you have to say?
THERAPIST: Part of it, yes. And then you -
CLIENT: Are you saying I need a new therapist?
THERAPIST: ignore that and totally say something else.
CLIENT: So what, I mean, you come in here and you complain about the way I talk to you. How is that helping me in I don't even know why I'm here. That's probably not true, but.
THERAPIST: Which part?
CLIENT: Why I'm here.
THERAPIST: And -
CLIENT: I mean this seems more like a -
THERAPIST: I'm not a it doesn't like you, you don't really tend to take what I say as reflecting much on you but rather as reflecting on me. In other words, if I think it's content -
CLIENT: But that's what I do.
THERAPIST: you don't want to hear what I have to say then you say well you're just complaining about how I talk to you. But it is at least not what I intend to be doing so much as playing out something about you that I think is relevant to what's going on.
CLIENT: Now you sound like Jess.
THERAPIST: Okay. You can stop.
CLIENT: Tuesday?
THERAPIST: Tuesday.
CLIENT: Enjoy your workout. Enjoy the money. [00:44:30]
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