TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: The order doesn’t enter for 30 days and I don’t know the date for the absolute judgment. Just been going nonstop. I was nauseous for three days straight. Did nothing. I was just dead over the weekend. Friday – Saturday I was able to do work. I was literally in bed all day Sunday. I was behind to begin with and, you know, I didn’t have the kids all weekend. I canceled Passover with Tracy. And to tell you the truth, I kind of needed a break. So I mean granted, I felt like crap, but, you know. And then I had to work like nuts on Monday, and so cancelled the kids. And I don’t know whether it’s physical exhaustion or I’m getting mental exhaustion. But I’m just trying to do so many things and going so fast. I wanted to, after here, go and make some copies at FedEx Kinkos. [1:07] The reality is that I don’t have time. Got a meeting at the farm at 5:00 which I found out about this morning, ‘cause God forbid, they tell me.

And so yeah. Running around, crazy busy. I think I’m handling it okay. You know, normal people get frustrated, right? Like, Monday night I thought I’d be able to go down there with Marcia doing taxes. I’m like, oh it’s the 14th. She’s going to be working all night. She gets there at like, 5:15. And I was trying to do a motion. I think when I’m just trying to do titles, it’s a little easier to engage in conversation and be distracted. I don’t want to call it dummy work, but there’s not a whole lot of, you know. And I was trying to do motion which I’ve just been pissing off, and pissing off and making up excuses. [2:04] You know, she’s telling me a story. Then she’s like, oh, you know, but you’re working. One of those passive-aggressive. Whatever. I go back and start working. In five seconds starts talking again, so I lean back. I just shut the computer down and closed it. That’s my problem, is I’ve got to write letters and motions now that I really didn’t have to do before at the frequency that I’ve got to do it now.

THERAPIST: The landlord kind of stuff.

CLIENT: Yeah. Demand letters. There’s responding to demand letters. I’ve got this motion. Plus, all the other crap. Who knows? And I’ve got phone calls coming in every day. It’s almost to the point that I’m putting new client meetings ahead of getting work done. [3:03] And today’s a good day. I got that thing at the farm, but I was supposed to move the client. Moved that. I’m going to go down to Marcia’s at – I don’t know why but when I’m down there and she’s not there, I’m very productive. I think that maybe I don’t have a comfortable workspace in my apartment. I’ve got a very small desk.

THERAPIST: Maybe it’s nice to be in her space. And easier to be productive when she’s not in it, too.

CLIENT: Yeah. But I’ve worked when she’s been there. It’s just the type of work. And that’s the thing is like, these letters and motions are – and that’s what’s going on is, I’m mentally exhausted. That’s the only way I can describe it. Just forgetting which way I’m going, what’s up, what’s down. [4:02] But I’m doing okay with it. Like, being late here. I was like, fuck it, I’m stopping and getting a coffee. I found out where all the parking spots are this time of day. I went over back towards the street. I’m always looking over here. You know, it’s like, if I don’t have these packages ready to go out, and bah, wah, wah. You know, it’s like, I think I have time to do everything, but I don’t have time to do anything. And normally, this stuff would freak me out. You know, maybe it’s ‘cause I know, well, if I piss off this client, se la vie. They’re just another client. I don’t want to say my service is suffering, but I’m becoming better at organizing. Like, I had to be someplace at 6:30. You know, to me that was a pain in the ass to reschedule that. 5:04] Now, it’s like, boom. Hey, can we do next Wednesday. I’m constantly juggling – screwing things up, because I don’t put it in my phone right. People showing up and, you know. But I don’t know. But, I’m glad the divorce thing’s fucking done. She’s just a pain in the ass.

THERAPIST: Are you on same rates you’ve been? Like, the same dosage and stuff?

CLIENT: Why, ‘cause I’m talking fast?

THERAPIST: No.

CLIENT: We changed it around a couple times.

THERAPIST: Here’s why I’m asking, is because I mean, you sound pretty harried, although I also get that you’re doing pretty well with it. It’s just a lot of stuff. And I’m wondering, you know, if being anxious is contributing or if maybe just kind of keeping organized, part with your stuff and part in your head, has been more of a thing than we made it out to be. It’s just been we probably missed it is you haven’t been as busy for a while. And so I mean, the (inaudible at 6:30) helped mostly with things like focus. Then it should help I think, a little bit with organization, so that’s why I asked.

CLIENT: You know, and that’s the thing that, you know. It’s not unlike – it’s not just going to be a switch. I’ve got to learn procedures that I didn’t have to deal with before. You know, to send a wire. I’m giving myself ten, fifteen minutes. It took the guy that much time to get up from his chair. So it’s that kind of thing where that had always kind of been there in the past, where I had my day schedule and it blew up. [7:11] And I think I’m managing it pretty well. I could be managing it better.

THERAPIST: Well, I’m glad you’re managing it and it’s not really overwhelming you.

CLIENT: I have rough moments, you know, but I’m getting upset. But I think on a whole – like Monday, I recognized what was going on. I shut the computer down, ‘cause I was sick and still was kind of sick. I hadn’t seen Marcia. And then, last night was the divorce, and she’s like, oh, are you sure you want to come down and do some work? I just said, fuck it. I sent what I had to the client, and I said, fuck it. You know, and I went down there. [8:05] You know, I can’t work constant. And that’s the thing.

She said, why don’t you stay home and just work on stuff. But if I stay home, I’m not going to do work. I’m going to fall asleep on the couch at 8:00. So I might as well come down, and you know. (pause) So back to the divorce. You know, my – I guess the weird thing is child support, because, you know, I understand it. Jess’ broke and I’m just doling out money for her left and right. I’m paying her taxes. I’m paying her estimated taxes. I’m paying her, hell – I mean, she’s talking about going on welfare. I don’t know what the fuck’s up. I asked her, you know, a couple times in e-mails and texts, can I help and is there something I can do, and she doesn’t even respond. [9:07] And, you know, I’m wondering if it’s – I don’t even think Stella’s in school on Friday. And it’s like, I haven’t been made part of decisions about spending money. You’ve got to contribute to the – it’s like, you’ve got to bring it up. You know, summer camp. I didn’t know you paid for summer camp. You know, all this shit, you know. And she just refuses to believe certain things.

For instance, health insurance. When you get divorced, as long as neither of us remarry, she can stay on my health insurance plan. State law. My divorce attorney told me that. I called Blue Cross. They told me that. Jess sat there in front of the judge, still questioning whether that was in fact, the case. [10:00] A divorce attorney, you know. And shit like that. And so, it’s like, I want him to go to after school at Catcher (ph) and no, it’s too much money. I’ll fucking – I’ll spend the money, you know. She doesn’t think the money I’m making – she thinks it’s like, it’s not going to stick. And I don’t think she understands how the business is coming in. And that right now, real estate closings. I had a seller rep and they turned around and bought it today, and I made about $3,000. That’s gravy. Some landlord paid my fee of $1,500 yesterday. That was the first case I got the phone call on. I got paid yesterday. So there’s like, this lag, you know.

THERAPIST: Right. Certain stuff is staring to make it through the pipeline.

CLIENT: And talking to people, you know, and then okay, I’ll do a demand letter. You know, I’m charging just an hour, you know. Whatever. Got more title exams coming in. The guy that Phil rents space from. You know, they would use me as a backup. Well, their guy’s getting old and doesn’t want to do southern Massachusetts and doesn’t want to do Huntington. And they used to use for like, Barnstable and when this guy went on vacation. [11:22] And they’re sending me a fucking Massachusetts title, every other day now. I’m like, just – But I’ve got to use a night like tonight and fucking crank some fucking work out. And I’ve got to get caught up. I lost this weekend. You know, I mean, I had stuff planned, but still in there was – And I even worked on Saturday, but I wasn’t feeling well, so I couldn’t work on the motion which is what I should have been working on.

But the initial – and this was my idea. I said, the initial child support is like, four hundred and some dollars, right? And what I was doing is I was – it was like a retainer then? And I’d deposit it in my operating account as, no income, but an investment. And then when I went back and did the billing, then I’d do the invoice and that’s when I would earn the income, even though it’s something I may have done six months ago. So I have these – and I’m realizing it and I’m winging if that affected my taxes last year. Number two, that’s reflected in that child support number. [12:42] But I told her. I said, every quarter, for the next three quarters, because I think it’s to your advantage to ramp up with me as I’m making – as my year income becomes complete at this pace. So my child support will be going up, but you know, she can’t turn around to me and say, I’m going on welfare, I don’t have any money. You know, if I’m paying $400 and I’m making three times what I was, who knows. (pause) It’s like, I don’t know what to do. It’s like, you know, how many days do I go without responding to someone that I just blow them off, you know. I wanted to go back and, you know, start calling people. I’m literally going to be doing it in [13:14] the car on the way to the farm.

I just can’t take notes. Originally, I was, I’ve got to answer all these phone calls, you know. I had to put on my phone, do not disturb, all the time, because I can’t do something on my phone like typing e-mail, because people are calling me while I’m just trying to get work done. [14:16] And what people do is they call one of the numbers, whether it’s from the Web site or my office number, however they got it. It goes to my voice-mail or my cell phone, ‘cause that’s where it’s all forwarded to. And they call my cell phone. They get the same exact voice-mail, leave a message. Why do you people call me twice? And then I realized what they were doing. They were just calling different numbers.

And I gave this client a settlement check yesterday, and I’m getting all these calls from check cashing places. And my phone’s on do not disturb, because I’m trying to get work done between meetings. And he went down to the bank downstairs, because it’s coming out of my trust account, and they wouldn’t cash it for him, because his ID was expired. So he goes to a check cashing place, and they wanted my verification that I gave him the check. [15:14] Like, somehow that verbal, you know. You know, at first, I called him. He literally runs down the street to the place and gets on the phone and like, well, let me call you back. My phone was right on the jack. And he called me back. It was weird. But that’s like the kind of stuff that I don’t account for. And I’ll look at my Gmail or whatever, and I’m like, oh, my God, I’m getting all these calls, because I’ve had it on do not disturb. Right now I’m thinking well, I do have this, and it won’t ring.

THERAPIST: You mean, that your calls go through your Gmail as well.

CLIENT: Everything goes through Gmail. So, Gmail is my voice-mail. Everything forwards to my cell phone, and then Gmail is my voice-mail. I haven’t integrated the phone to Gmail, because I don’t need that. But I have two numbers on the Internet. [16:26] I’ve got a Plymouth number that’s a Gmail number. The number in Pembroke. The fax number in Pembroke which I’m questioning whether I need those two. ‘Cause I think you can port numbers to Google Voice. And if I can port my fax line to the fax like eFax or whatever, I’ll do it, ‘cause I’m paying 60 bucks for a fax line.

Well, maybe this is the guy I’ve been trying to call. It’s like 5:00, 5:30 and just shit’s all fucking going crazy and I’m having trouble. I’m in transit. [17:26] I try and actually get out of the office by like, 2:00, so I don’t get stuck in traffic. I finished some work up at home. They called the office, now they’re trying the cell phone. You know. I just – I don’t – It’s just, too much is going on. I haven’t broken anything. I need a new laptop. I’m seeing ways to alleviate, you know. Like, when I start my laptop up and the mouse doesn’t move, I’ve got to restart it, you know. And I try multitask, so I go to restart it and I run in the other room, and I wasn’t there when it was asking me if I wanted Windows to resume normally, so it opens up in safe mode. [18:13] So I’ve got to redo it again now. And the computer’s over three-years-old, so it takes forever. And I can now, when I sign for a closing, software that’s in the cloud, it’s on the Internet. Get rid of – stop using my software which is bungled and you know, a time suck.

And the thing about the thing on the Internet is that I can put copies and post things for borrowers and stuff on a special Web site that looks like my Web site. They go to my Web site and click on it. It goes to an e-closing Web site. You know, I’m already spending six hundred and some bucks for support for a crappy old database software that, you know. One attorney had said, you know, he wonders what they’re doing with all this information that they have, you know. How much business is turning through doing it? [19:12] I mean, they know a lot of information. But I don’t give a shit. I need to be efficient.

I still haven’t gotten any business from that direct mail thing. I don; know what to do. I mean, for that kind of money, I might as well ditch it. You know, I don’t have – I’m busy. You know, I’d love for that business – I really would. I mean, the call amount would grow, you know. It’s business I’d so be glad to have. (pause) I have trouble. I’ve got things I’ve got to do. [20:20] Getting those on the plate on the schedule outside of just this stuff that’s like happening right now, you know. There’s just so much that’s just going on right now. ‘Cause everybody’s at the last second to call me. (pause) Yeah. This will be my best month ever.

THERAPIST: Yeah? That’s good.

CLIENT: Hands down.

THERAPIST: That’s great. [21:26]

CLIENT: I have started two closings – three closings. One’s a seller. And I’ve got another closing on the 25th. I’ve got a seller rep that’s actually being pushed back to May now, but the buyer wants me to do the title insurance, and it’s like a $400,000 deal. So it’s like, just gravy, you know. Triples what I’m going to make on it. That actually just got pushed back into May. But money’s coming in now from, you know, like that case I did with Feld. you know. They’re sending the money I think Friday. ‘Cause I was like, hey. I’m learning to send statements and bill people and keep on top of that stuff. [22:17] It’s a lot to handle.

THERAPIST: Sounds like I must have been very informative.

CLIENT: Informative?

THERAPIST: I’m sort of teasing you. You know, I’ve learned how to bill people. And then I thought well, it’s funny. I just sent you a bill for the first time in a long time.

CLIENT: Well, I was like, the same way. (pause) I’ve got to start digging out of the hole and get out of the mess. I didn’t even think. I’m like, eh, you know, health insurance is not a debt. If I’m waiting to pay. I mean, if they’re sending me cancellation notices, you know, it’s crossing with my check in the mail. Maybe I should be – that’s a debt. Maybe I shouldn’t be putting myself in that position. [23:40] I don’t know. (pause) I don’t know what else is going on. My mind doesn’t want to function. It’s like, right now, I don’t even know if I’m going into court tomorrow morning. Well, I know I am – well, most likely am.

THERAPIST: I think historically, responsibility has tended to stress you out. And it seems like in a lot of ways you’re getting more of it, but are handling it better than you have. [25:06]

CLIENT: Well, I don’t have to (inaudible at 25:11) I just don’t want to have to do shit. This call. This call. 542… I got 32 notifications on Facebook, and I haven’t even checked them. I don’t see a message. But I got to contact a client for tomorrow and see if they want me to come in and e-mail another guy, and say sorry, I can’t go in – or I can’t meet with you. (pause) There’s this one client, you know, my life insurance guy referred to me like, two weeks ago and I still – First, he was going to wait for the client to call me. And then just, right now, it’s like, I’m thinking about it, but I’ll forget about it. You know, those little microcassettes. Siri’s not built for quick – I can’t do Siri with (inaudible at 27:46)

[Background conversation: Write a note that says, Leominster. Write a note that says, Leominster. Creating your note. Here’s your note.]

CLIENT: I’ve got to remember to look at my notes. I try to do that sometimes, you know, play out all the things I need to do, especially when I’ve got an hour, I’m going to be on the computer for an hour. [28:24] I get so distracted so easily.

THERAPIST: Maybe you could just add to that list add how long it’s going to take and by when it needs to be done?

CLIENT: I’ve got to get this spreadsheet going and really just start tracking everything. A guy was a moron and an asshole, but an old boss gave some good advice, that you really should touch every file every day. And that spreadsheet would allow me to do that. I think I just farted, sorry. [29:22] I like the song, but I don’t want to answer the phone. (pause) See on the farm, I feel like I’m used in a decent capacity for my legal. And I donate money and I find money. But they keep putting me on these fucking committees and nothing gets done.

You know, and the personalities – people come in and take over. I’m going to find some way to leave this meeting by like, 6:00. It’s fucking traffic, though, so it’s like – The secretary/chairman of membership keeps calling to do my interview. That’s what I want to tell him. You know, I want to be like, I feel ineffective, you know. [30:58] I was on a committee with him last year. He knows we didn’t do shit. 542-77 something keeps calling. I think that’s Jacobson calling me. And that’s the thing I don’t understand. It’s like 4:30. I called you this morning, you know, 4:40 before court tomorrow, you know. [31:37] So I did end up settling the case like that. But this is a little different. There’s not a whole lot of leverage. The kid goes to BU, scholarship. Grandfather dies. He takes inheritance, pays off one of his debts. BU says, why do you have $25,000? It cuts off his financial aid. Had trouble paying his rent after that. [32:27] Maybe it’s going to voice mail this time, I don’t know. I don’t have time for him anymore. (pause) [33:20]

I felt no change with the divorce. Like, people ask, oh, congratulations are in order? Yeah. How do you feel? I go oh, ecstatic. But I feel the same. I never considered myself married. Stupid piece of paper. Judge’s signature. Several women told me that actually, a judge’s signature is important. They stopped prosecuting adultery a long time ago. (pause) I’m sure Marcia feels better. I know it was bothering her. I don’t know how much. I think it still was bothering her. [34:27]

THERAPIST: Why don’t we stop for now?

CLIENT: ‘Cause I don’t want to stop.

THERAPIST: Let’s stop.

CLIENT: We’re stopping for now. So I won’t see you next week, ‘cause you’ve got some secret something going on.

THERAPIST: Right. I’ll see you a week from Tuesday?

CLIENT: If I’m still around, yeah.

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