TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
THERAPIST: Also, I looked over billing yesterday, and it is basically the same bill for December. Remember?
CLIENT: OK.
THERAPIST: So you’re OK.
CLIENT: OK.
[Silence from 00:00:11to 00:00:26]
CLIENT: So, yeah, work [ph] was OK.
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm?
CLIENT: Let’s see. Mm, [pauses] my aunt and uncle and cousin came from out there [ph] with my little sister [ph], and that was nice. Yeah, it is kind of nice to have someone else kind of there, kind of enduring the parents [ph] with me. [Chuckles]
THERAPIST: [Chuckles]
CLIENT: But…
THERAPIST: Camaraderie.
CLIENT: Right. And – yeah, I mean, [pauses] I used to get kind of frustrated at my parents, like the way they do things, and I think they’re very loud and – but I just feel very stuck in my ways and…
THERAPIST: Uh-huh?
CLIENT: I’m not going to be able to change anything or – it is just kind of me [pauses] just kind of – I guess, just kind of putting up with and just kind of being there for whatever they want to do. But… [00:02:00]
So, yeah, it was – and it was nice not to do very much and not to worry about work. [Pauses for seven seconds] I used to want – I’m a little bit hesitant about going back to work and kind of – kind of wanting to think about everything and – I think it is like putting the stress and the – to do that all over [ph].
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm?
CLIENT: But I think I’ll be OK. Luckily, my boss is gone for two weeks, so that always shuts the boom [ph] to have [chuckles]…
THERAPIST: Uh-huh. So the guy is off for the next two weeks. [00:03:00]
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: Uh-huh.
CLIENT: So I think I’ll be OK to kind of transition back in, without [pauses] – and move on [ph].
[Silence from 00:03:17 to 00:03:54]
CLIENT: And I guess, yeah, I should be getting hearing back from grad schools [ph] this month. [00:04:00]
THERAPIST: Oh, wow.
CLIENT: And I – I worry about it and then [pauses] – I guess I go back and forth between being kind of extremely worried and then I just don’t think about it. It is just the waiting game is hard.
THERAPIST: Uh-huh.
CLIENT: Yeah. And some schools are very specific, like dual enroll [ph] by the state, and so they’re like, “You’ll know two weeks before the interview.”
THERAPIST: Uh-huh.
CLIENT: And the other days are to be announced. [Chuckles]
THERAPIST: [Chuckles]
CLIENT: So it is kind of like, “All right, well, I guess I’ll see.” And so…
[Silence from 00:04:55 to 00:05:08]
[00:05:00]
CLIENT: I guess I don’t really [pauses for ten seconds] – there is – yeah, I haven’t really [pauses] thought through things or – other than small worries, though, like school – or grad school and going back to work. I haven’t really…
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm?
CLIENT: …Thought a lot about me or – I’ve just kind of kept very kind of surface.
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm.
CLIENT: I don’t know. [Pauses] [00:06:00]
[Silence from 00:06:01 to 00:07:06]
[00:07:00]
CLIENT: I guess I’ve just been kind of thinking about how [pauses] – just being up early because I am on time.
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm.
CLIENT: And energy to do things that I want to do, or [pauses] – even like also just being more pleasant, more like – maybe a movie [ph] or something. But…
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm?
CLIENT: …I guess I’m just kind of – yeah, kind of worried about just maintaining that.
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm.
CLIENT: But – I don’t know.
THERAPIST: You seem [ph] kind of in a good mood now.
CLIENT: [Faintly] Right.
THERAPIST: I mean, I understand you’re worried about that changing. [00:07:59]
CLIENT: Right. And [pauses] – yeah, I’m just – yeah, because I’m worried about – because as soon as – because I feel like very – I’m going to get into that habit of how I was before.
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm.
CLIENT: And – I don’t know – I don’t – I guess I get that way because I can’t do the things I want to do to make myself feel better, or – but then – but then I worry, if I cut away from work or whatever, then I worry too much about it or something.
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm.
CLIENT: I’m never [pauses] – [inaudible at 00:08:45]
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm.
CLIENT: But [pauses]… [00:09:00]
So, yeah, I guess – I mean, [pauses] I guess I’m kind of going into it like [pauses] – kind of like I just need to be less stressed and kind of [pauses] just try to do it all. But I’m skeptical about it, and [pauses]…
[Silence from 00:09:37 to 00:09:50]
THERAPIST: Yeah, I guess [clears throat] [pauses] I want to take a little of what you’re saying to me about being with your parents, how they seem – and they’re kind of loud and set in their ways and… [00:10:05]
In a way, I guess you feel kind of subject to them when you’re at home, but [pauses] you’re concerned that what you need for yourself or the things you need to do, like be in a good mood or feel OK, are going to get sort of crowded out by work or by worries about work.
[Silence from 00:10:32 to 00:10:52]
CLIENT: I mean, I guess I’m sort of – yeah, I think I’ve said this before, but I don’t want to be so affected or consumed by things that happen or… [pauses] [00:11:08]
[Pauses for six seconds] …Or by interactions with people or just general, normal work pressure and stress.
[Silence from 00:11:30 to 00:11:41]
THERAPIST: I guess I imagine things are going to function [ph] one way or another, and that you also worry about that. But, sometimes, it is like it was having your cousins at home where you feel like some camaraderie or the [inaudible at 00:11:54] to air a little bit the things that you’re feeling stressed out about or crowded by. [00:12:01]
And then, other times, the things that we talk about, that I say can be stress – can cause you stress, or [pauses for five seconds] make you feel kind of hemmed in.
[Silence from 00:12:22 to 00:12:34]
CLIENT: Right. [Pauses for seven seconds] I guess the feeling of just being – not knowing what to think or do, or [pauses] or just… [00:13:00]
Yeah. [Pauses]
[Silence from 00:13:08 to 00:14:02]
[00:14:00]
CLIENT: I guess I get just kind of mad – I don’t know – if things don’t change or that I get sent an e-mail [ph] like my parents…
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm?
CLIENT: …That they don’t do more to [pauses for five seconds] – just kind of help the situation or make it better [inaudible at 00:14:33] or – I don’t know. They’re just kind of like [pauses for five seconds] there is no [pauses]… [00:15:00]
I feel like there is no – they’re not trying or they’re just going about their way.
[Silence from 00:15:10 to 00:16:44]
[00:16:00]
CLIENT: So, yeah, I guess I just get confused of what to think or just like, “Oh,” or [pauses]… [00:17:00]
If there is [ph] what I can do to make [inaudible at 00:17:05]…
[Silence from 00:17:06 to 00:17:44]
THERAPIST: Counting things that have happened [ph], there were – it seems like you’re feeling more overwhelmed now. And I’m not sure it was sort of, in part, reaction to my comment about the thing that you’re going either way. [00:18:04]
And you’re being kind of not sure what to do with that or something else?
[Silence from 00:18:13 to 00:18:39]
CLIENT: I guess I’ve just been frustrated...
THERAPIST: Uh-huh?
CLIENT: … [Pauses] with myself and, yeah, just with them [ph]. [Pauses for eight seconds] I was making up my mind… [00:19:03]
[Pauses] …About, yeah, what to feel, in general, though. [inaudible at 00:19:14] or [pauses]…
[Silence from 00:19:18 to 00:20:24]
[00:20:00]
CLIENT: I don’t know. I guess it [sighs] – I don’t know. [Pauses for eight seconds] Things never have – get – I’ve dealt [ph] with this relation, kind of switching between [pauses] extremes.
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm.
CLIENT: Worrying and avoidance, or trying to let it go, but… [00:21:07]
[Silence for seven seconds]
THERAPIST: My sense is that [clears throat] that often seems partly to do with things around you but that you get mad at yourself because you feel you should be able to kind of roll with or manage those things much better.
CLIENT: Right. Or is – so…
THERAPIST: It could be some big stressful thing at work, and, clearly, that is not easy, but you get mad at yourself because your sense is that most people could find a way to deal with that [pauses] better than you.
CLIENT: Right. [Pauses] [00:21:59]
I’m not [pauses for six seconds] – or never – not like [pauses] even feel – like, just kind of deal with it or not [pauses] – or not being [pauses] kind of overwhelmed with stress, just kind of being able to do it. I feel like I might always have time to do things [ph], but [pauses] I’m not always able to do them.
[Silence from 00:22:45 to 00:23:38]
[00:23:00]
THERAPIST: I wonder if some of this [clears throat] from the [pauses] fear or even terror of not being able – or I’ll just say not being able to kind of [pauses]… [00:24:00]
…To deal with [pauses] – I’m trying to think of a way how to relate what I mean clearly. [Pauses] I think part of what is hard is the fear that you won’t be able to communicate or get through to whatever it is in the outside world that you need to make things better. [Pauses for seven seconds] I think, in my case, that I won’t understand you clearly or that I’ll have some other view that kind negates where you’re coming from; and that, even if it is still your problem that you’re having trouble with, and I’m not sort of the cause of the problem or it is not my fault, that I’m thwarting or [pauses] you’re not able to deal with it by getting through to me in the way that you’re trying to do, and that makes you anxious. [00:25:25]
[Silence from 00:25:26 to 00:26:26]
[00:26:00]
CLIENT: I’m not sure… [pauses]
[Silence from 26:01 to 00:27:37]
[00:27:00]
CLIENT: I’m not sure [pauses]…
[Silence from 00:27:38 to 00:28:06]
[00:28:00]
CLIENT: I mean, [pauses for ten seconds] yeah, it often means, [ph] [pauses] to me, just being more confused about having to do something I don’t want to do, or [pauses for eight seconds] or [loud sound] think about something I don’t want to think about. [00:29:01]
[Silence from 00:29:02 to 00:30:18]
[00:30:00]
CLIENT: I guess, yeah, I mean [pauses for 12 seconds] – yeah, I guess I just kind of worry that I don’t really know what to say or [pauses]…
[00:31:00]
[Pauses for 31 seconds] This is a problem or something that is wrong, and – and just like talking to people or could be on the other end of where other people have problems. I always [ph] instead of a situation I go from detail to – when I do that or – it just seems [pauses for seven seconds] my thoughts are wrong or I’m always guilty, or… [00:32:00]
[Pauses for eight seconds] I get [inaudible at 00:32:09], I – yeah, I’m much like – I don’t know what to do or I have to do something but I really don’t want to [ph].
[Silence from 00:32:21 to 00:33:43]
[00:33:00]
THERAPIST: Yeah, it sounds like [pauses for 12 seconds]…
[00:33:59]
[Pauses] [clears throat] ...Rather than feeling like you have to air something or put it out there and wait until [ph] you think more clearly about it, or sort of increases your commitment [ph] about what to do. [Pauses] Something about talking to somebody about a problem that you’re having [pauses] stirs up more feelings that make it even – the problem even harder to deal with. [Pauses] I guess it is almost as though you feel like [pauses] you’re in more danger for having talked about it, or you’ve done wrong by talking about it, or you’re in trouble for talking about it. [00:35:00]
[Pauses for 21 seconds] I mean, I’m aware that you – and it sounds like you step back [ph] and don’t necessarily think of those things but that, in the moment – in the heat of the moment, they can feel true. [Pauses for eight seconds]
CLIENT: Or it should be something [pauses for five seconds] that I can deal with or something that shouldn’t even bother me.
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm.
CLIENT: [Clears throat] [00:36:00]
[Silence from 00:36:01 to 00:36:51]
THERAPIST: I see the first problem is letting the other person know you have a problem in the first place. [00:37:00]
[Silence from 00:37:01 to 00:37:16]
CLIENT: Right. [Pauses]
THERAPIST: Not because [pauses] it depends who it is or on the situations, that they may give you a hard time or be critical, or not be helpful, or whatever. But it seems like, even before that is something that comes from your own feelings about having told them. [Pauses]
CLIENT: Right. It is almost [ph] – I don’t want to be like a burden or give them something they can judge me on, or… [00:38:01]
[Silence from 00:38:02 to 00:40:52]
[00:39:00]
[00:40:00]
THERAPIST: It isn’t that you have a very strong feeling in that sense, of where they might be coming from and then they won’t be somewhere good. [00:41:04]
[Silence from 00:41:05 to 00:41:31]
[Door closes]
CLIENT: I think it is just [pauses] not – just feeling embarrassed and not up [ph], especially if you know that person, that you’re told [ph] their true feelings or what they’re really thinking or…
THERAPIST: Mm-hmm.
[Silence from 00:41:54 to 00:43:53]
[00:42:00]
[00:43:00]
[Door closes]
THERAPIST: I guess that, for me [ph] deciding [ph] who I can be very frightening. [00:44:00]
[Silence from 00:44:01 to 00:44:14]
CLIENT: [Faintly] Yeah.
[Silence from 00:44:16 to 00:44:29]
THERAPIST: It feels very hard to trust to get where [ph] we’re coming from [pauses for five seconds] or [pauses] dangerous.
[Silence from 00:44:48 to 00:45:00]
[00:45:00]
CLIENT: Right.
[Silence from 00:45:02 to 00:45:06]
THERAPIST: Well, we should stop.
CLIENT: I know. [Pauses] It will be the first day back [ph].
[Door opens and closes]
END TRANSCRIPT
