TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
CLIENT: [This week is, ummm] (ph) (pause) So this coming Friday, one of my friends from Dartmouth, she's getting married and it's in Philadelphia or whatever.
THERAPIST: Oh.
CLIENT: And it's like a traditional south Indian kind of ceremony kind of thing. (pause) I don't know. I was really I mean, I am excited for it, but I don't know.
[00:01:07]
I guess (pause) I don't know. I guess I kind of don't really know what's going to happen or I guess I'm kind of just looking forward, like a normal week or (chuckles) I don't know what to think. I don't know. Like I guess this morning I was kind of just stressing about, I don't know, things I needed to do, like to prepare for the wedding. I don't know, just stuff like that. (pause) I don't know. (long pause)
[00:02:22]
Yeah, I guess I kind of feel like a lot of things are kind of happening around me, like the wedding and then like the whole like romantic situation. I mean, there are things that like I'm part of, but I don't really have to actively do anything. But, I don't know, I guess (pause) [I'm a little bit anxious] (ph) because there's really not much I can control or do or I'm not in charge of anything. (pause)
[00:03:14]
I don't know. (long pause) So, I don't know. (pause)
[00:04:10]
I don't know. (long pause) I guess it's kind of weird. I don't really like know what I guess (pause) Like I guess I don't even want to think about some of the things that are coming up. Like I don't know like do I just want, I don't know, things to settle down. But I don't know. (long pause)
[00:05:27]
THERAPIST: [Maybe it's hard to think about what you want] (ph) (inaudible at 00:05:30).
CLIENT: (pause) I guess. (long pause) And I guess I just kind of feel like a lot of things are [tracking around me] (ph) and I'm doing a lot, but I don't know. (pause)
[00:06:27]
I'm not really getting anything out of it or something. I don't know. (long pause)
[00:08:33]
I don't know. I've been really out of my mind other than kind of (inaudible at 00:08:42) you know, things I needed to. (long pause) Over the weekend, I visited Andrea.
[00:09:31]
THERAPIST: Oh.
CLIENT: Yeah. That was good. I left -
THERAPIST: Is she in Delaware over the summer?
CLIENT: Yeah. Yeah, she's already started her fourth year, whatever.
THERAPIST: Uh huh.
CLIENT: [Which I guess she's just going to see if she likes Dartmouth] (ph). But I went to see her and some of her friends from dental school [that I like] (ph) pretty well. It was good.
THERAPIST: Good.
CLIENT: We went hiking. (inaudible at 00:10:11) because I'm around like, I don't know, a lot of people. I don't know. I guess it's just kind of like a different world because, I don't know, there's a couple of friends and they just kind of talk about dental school drama or problems. I don't know.
[00:10:33]
So it was nice distraction, I guess. (pause) Yeah. (pause) But I guess it was also nice seeing [that] (ph). But like, you know, I don't know. Like Khloe's roommate is also like dental school students. They kind of have a lot of problems that are like I guess worries that I have, like [if they're going to burn out]. (ph) Even though they're kind of on a career path or whatever, they're just kind of unsure. (long pause)
[00:12:26]
THERAPIST: I wonder if you're wondering what to say or feeling anxious at all about what to talk about or have anything to talk about [kind of on my behalf] (ph), probably because of how it would affect me or how I would react to it. I'm wondering if partly because you seem to be talking about being fairly focused on or even absorbed by other people's dramas or what they have going on. (pause)
[00:13:34]
CLIENT: I don't know. I guess I don't really know what's really going on with me in terms of like (pause) how I feel or what I think. (long pause) I don't know.
[00:14:22]
I guess I kind of have the urge to become like (pause), you know, I guess busy and super aware of or on top of feelings to kind of, I don't know, counteract any laziness or (inaudible at 00:14:51). Then again, I have another kind of feeling of, I don't know, fall into the usual habits. I don't know. I need to like (pause) I don't know change things up. I don't know. I need to change something about the way I do things or the way I plan my day or something.
[00:15:33]
I don't know. I get quite confused and I don't know how, I guess, to describe it. (long pause)
[00:16:26]
THERAPIST: There is a way you describe it that makes it sound almost as though it comes from outside of you, these sort of competing demands, I guess, at the moment. On one side, to get busy, be productive, be efficient, don't be lazy. On the other, to do things differently, to have a different approach. (long pause)
[00:17:25]
CLIENT: I don't know. I guess I can (inaudible at 00:17:27) controlling them or being that successful, but I don't know. Kind of it's like a battle of what to do with my day [or what to think about it] (ph) because maybe I think it's something I can't control or something. (long pause)
[00:19:40]
I don't know. I guess it's kind of like each week is like I don't know. Kind of like a starting over or like a beginning or something. I don't know. (pause) And then, I don't know, I guess it kind of just feels like week after week is going [to have the same things] (ph) happening and (inaudible at 00:20:25) and time is just kind of flying by but I'm just kind of the same or I don't know. Or more worried, but I don't know.
[00:20:41]
Like I'm not (inaudible) I guess should be dealing with something. (long pause)
[00:23:01]
THERAPIST: [I imagine it might make you] (ph) anxious to say something like that, that in a way you don't understand entirely or (pause) that might not be entirely clear [to me] (ph). (long pause)
[00:24:07]
CLIENT: I don't know. (pause) I guess I don't want to like I don't know. It's frustrating and then I don't know. (pause) I feel like I don't know. If there's that much I don't know more I can do or like I don't know to change things. I don't know. (pause) I don't know. (long pause)
[00:25:24]
And [I feel like I'm missing] (ph) something or it keeps happening. (long pause)
[00:27:57]
THERAPIST: It's really very important to feel like you are in you should be in control. I think that you feel that [bad things] (ph) like a feeling I guess of losing time, of it flying by -
CLIENT: (pause) Right. (pause) I don't know. (pause)
[00:29:19]
I guess it's upsetting or I don't know. (pause) There doesn't seem there is anything I can do about it. (long pause)
[00:30:41]
I don't know. I feel like I don't know. Do I need more structure or less structure or (pause) [I have to] (ph) think about it or work around it or something. (long pause)
[00:33:32]
THERAPIST: Do you think it makes you quite anxious to have a feeling like that and that (pause) the consequence of that you swing into action mode? I haven't done something right, there must be something I should do differently to fix that, I should have more structure, I should have less structure. (pause)
[00:34:45]
CLIENT: I guess I don't know. It kind of felt like something is off. (long pause)
THERAPIST: Yeah, I guess it feels like if I don't it's not obvious to me that's the way to respond, then I really don't get what this is really like or (pause) see that there's really a problem. (pause)
[00:35:54]
CLIENT: I don't know. I don't think I'm doing [the way you're describing it]. (ph) (long pause) [It's not really clear to me] (ph) what exactly is the problem other than I don't know. [I guess I'm just feeling] (ph) stuck and [thinking I should be changing]. (ph) (long pause)
[00:39:56]
I guess it's kind of like each week it's kind of like gearing up or working really hard towards I don't know getting better, kind of like every aspect of getting better socially or emotionally or at work, or being productive or studying or whatever and I don't know. And it kind of never really works or really has failed, and every week it's kind of like doing it again and doing it again. (pause).
[00:40:57]
I guess I'm kind of coming up short with ways of I don't know changing or I don't know. (long pause)
[00:42:04]
I guess I'm not really sure like why I think I should I don't know be doing these things or changing other than I think I don't know or how to make things easier. It's like what I'm supposed to be doing. (pause)
THERAPIST: [To make it less confusing]. (ph)
CLIENT: Right. (long pause)
[00:43:24]
THERAPIST: I guess it's one reason (pause) (inaudible at 00:43:33) makes you anxious when you say something like "It feels like life is flying by." Because that sounds to me like it comes actually from kind of a somewhat different perspective than the perspective of "How do I make this better, how do I improve at more things, or how do I change my strategy?" Do you know what I mean? Like there's sort of a different tone to it, and the point of view is a little different.
CLIENT: (pause) Right. (pause)
[00:44:32]
THERAPIST: We should stop for now. [See you tomorrow].
CLIENT: [See you].
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