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CLIENT: I don’t know what’s going on just kind of—(pause 00:01:07 00:01:17) yeah. Just kind of—yesterday was a lot of (pause 00:01:21) like gearing up for this week’s experience. And I don’t know. There was a lot of like little things that had to be done, you know. Let’s see. (pause 00:01:37 00:02:03) And I mean—(pause 00:02:03 00:02:08) I guess there is a—I don’t know. Got to push that and stay focused and kind of—I don’t know. (pause 00:02:14 00:02:22) I don’t know. I don’t know. Not try to get too crazy or try to (inaudible) thinking is (pause 00:02:27) bothering me or—(pause 00:02:32 00:02:59) yeah. I guess—I mean yesterday I got really frustrated because—I don’t know.

(pause 00:03:06 00:03:13) Yeah. It was just like—when I got to work, we were trying to get this paper out for this—from these experiments that (inaudible 00:03:26) I started. And so, the guy that I’m working with, you know, he e-mailed me. (inaudible 00:03:34) and I’ll do them. I don’t know. But just kind of and then—yeah. And then I had like e-mailed, “Can you deal with this and this?” And then (cross talk 00:03:51)—

THERAPIST: Sorry. Then he e-mailed what?

CLIENT: Then I got an e-mail that looked like—I don’t know. This day you need to come in. We need to figure out why. I’m like—and so—I don’t know. It’s just like—it was like—I don’t know. They have like all the information like tracking number and whatever, order number, and I was like, “You know, you can pick up a phone too.”

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: And then I was like, “Can you deal with this?” And then I was talking to Sophia about experiments we were doing for like the next two weeks. She was like, “That’s fine. Whatever.” We like established what we exactly were going to do. Then she’s like, “Well, can you teach me how to use the machine?” And I was like, “Ahh. This is not the time to like teach you how to—I don’t know. Train you how use the machine.” I don’t know. Then I was—then I had to help—I don’t know. (inaudible 00:04:53). I was like I’m just doing all these things for other people and I really don’t—I don’t know. Have time to kind of, you know, like plan or kind of think about what I need to do. And then—yeah. It always comes back at like the end of the day and like—Ray was like, “I need this or I need that.” I’m just like—it’s a lot. I don’t know. I was just getting made because felt like I was just doing everything for other people. And—(pause 00:05:24 00:05:28) I don’t know. I don’t know. (pause 00:05:30 00:05:36) And—(pause 00:05:37 00:05:47) yeah. I don’t know.

THERAPIST: I wonder if that is actually a variant of feeling kind of (pause 00:05:51 00:05:55) consumed. I mean I know it’s different people. And I know (pause 00:05:57 00:06:02), you know, in a way the things they may be asking you for maybe sort of one by one like more or less reasonable things to ask you for. But I—still the feeling is of being kind of consumed or taken over by this like (pause 00:06:18 00:06:22)—I don’t know. Like intrusive, demanding, multi-headed work monster.

CLIENT: (pause 00:06:29 00:06:35) Right. Yeah. (pause 00:06:36 00:06:41) I don’t know. (pause 00:06:41 00:07:03) I don’t know. I just—I guess I just going to—I don’t know. (pause 00:07:06 00:07:10) I think I’ve kind of just like—after, you know, those two people giving me their (inaudible), I’m just kind of tired of having to kind of (pause 00:07:20 00:07:27)—I think just kind of spend time and kind of talk through. And, you know, kind of—there’s kind of just a lot of, you know, my time being taking away from me—from doing things that I need to do at work. And even the things that I’m thinking about that I want to like take time to do at work are for other people. (cross talk 00:07:49) examples. But it’s hard to. And—(pause 00:07:54 00:07:58) and then—and like I want to do them well. And there’s like—and we’ve had like so many problems in the past with these samples.

I just want to make sure everything’s fine on my like side. But when I’m getting like pulled away and asked to do things all the time, it’s like hard to remember what I’ve done to kind of—what I need to do. (pause 00:08:25 00:08:30) And (pause 00:08:30 00:08:34) I don’t know. (pause 00:08:35 00:09:07) I don’t know. I just feel that—I don’t know. (pause 00:09:10 00:09:17) I don’t know. (pause 00:09:17 00:09:24) I don’t know. (pause 00:09:24 00:09:33) I don’t know. Yeah. It kind of feels like it’s coming from like all angles. And like (pause 00:09:37 00:09:41) in terms like okay like I have all these things to do and people are asking. It’s fine. But then like—but then I’m also being like critiqued for not being like—I don’t know. Like friendly or nice or calm or something. But that’s because, you know, (inaudible)—I don’t know. It feels like sometimes I’m just like running from one thing to the next. And, I don’t know. You know, it’s hard to like maintain that or—I don’t know. I don’t know. Focusing. (pause 00:10:19 00:10:24)

THERAPIST: Did you say not focusing?

CLIENT: Right. And I don’t know. (pause 00:10:28 00:11:38) I don’t know. I don’t know. (pause 00:11:40 00:12:19) I don’t know. I guess this is just kind of—I don’t know. (pause 00:12:24 00:12:29) I guess—yeah. I mean the whole thing is like I want to like slow down or kind of—I don’t know. I get—I don’t know. Frustrated or anxious or—(pause 00:12:44 00:12:47) but it’s—I don’t know. It’s kind of hard when all these things are doing—coming at me. And (pause 00:12:53 00:13:42)—so, I guess I feel like, you know, kind of (inaudible) or—yeah. (pause 00:13:49 00:13:55) Or I’m like being critiqued or something. Well, I don’t know. I need to do all these things, you know.

THERAPIST: Did you say why you do all these things?

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:14:03 00:14:15) It seemed to me that you are also (pause 00:14:17 00:14:23) letting yourself vent to me about it (pause 00:14:26 00:14:31) a bit. (pause 00:14:31 00:14:49) But maybe (pause 00:14:50 00:14:57) like I know sort of (inaudible) you’re more concerned about like how to not let this get—this kind of stuff get to you in the way that it does. But it seemed to me there is also a piece of what you were doing that is kind of unloading it a bit. And (pause 00:15:17 00:15:24) I imagine that might feel like anxious or not feel good, sort of guilty about doing that.

CLIENT: (pause 00:15:33 00:15:50) I don’t know. But—(pause 00:15:52 00:16:18) I guess I’m kind of worried that—how I come off. Like in terms of like—(pause 00:16:23 00:16:26) I don’t know. Because I’m so busy and I kind of get rushed or overwhelmed and I want—I don’t know. I don’t know. Me be like—I don’t want to portray that I don’t want (inaudible). I don’t know. Yesterday was just kind of like ridiculous. Like in terms of the amount of things like that—I don’t know. People kept asking me to do. Or like—I don’t know. Like—(pause 00:17:01 00:17:03) I don’t know. (pause 00:17:04 00:17:08) I don’t know. And I don’t know. (pause 00:17:12 00:17:28) I don’t—I guess I don’t really feel that guilty for talking about it. I don’t know. I kind of—I don’t know. I guess—I don’t know. I worry about this a lot between the—how I come off. And—

THERAPIST: And you’re referring to (inaudible)?

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: I don’t know. (pause 00:17:53 00:17:56) I don’t really know what to do.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:17:59 00:18:02) I see. (pause 00:18:02 00:18:14) So, the—(inaudible) like the thing you’re really focused on is when you’re feeling so kind of—(pause 00:18:22 00:18:25) so many demands and so sort of pushed. And so, (pause 00:18:27 00:18:31) I guess frustrated by other (inaudible) demands kind of pulling in all these different directions or keeping you really busy and kind of overwhelmed. Sort of how in the midst of that you’re coming across to other people at work. (pause 00:18:48 00:19:12) And this is something that’s on your mind a lot at work.

CLIENT: (pause 00:19:14 00:19:18) Yeah.

THERAPIST: But there’s somewhere that you’re not—you’re like coming off badly.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:19:26 00:20:00) I see a way that you’re not able to kind of contain the—I’m not sure whether it’s the frustration part of it or the like stress and anxiety part of it. But that whichever of those it is that that kind of leaks out or you get reactive or something.

CLIENT: (pause 00:20:17 00:20:48) I don’t know. I think there’s like a lot of things going on. (pause 00:20:50 00:20:54) (inaudible) I feel kind of responsible for all these things I’m doing. And just again it’s more things to worry about and remember. (pause 00:21:07 00:21:12) And (pause 00:21:12 00:21:17) I don’t know. I don’t know. I guess it makes me feel bad that I can’t handle it all. Or kind of be more organized. But—I don’t know. And then also it feels like—I don’t know. I don’t know. (pause 00:21:36 00:21:42) I don’t know.

There’s a few people in the lab that I’m—that I always do like random stuff for. (pause 00:21:46 00:21:57) But I don’t know. They always need me to do it, but I never—I don’t know. But like I never kind of go to them for anything. I don’t know. It feels very like one sided. And I don’t know. I just kind of want to be like left alone. I don’t know. I’m already kind of (inaudible) things to do. Like I don’t know. Like last night I was working on some (inaudible). And it was like 8:30. I don’t know. Howard comes and he’s like, “Can you read these numbers off a little bit?” I don’t know. All these like last slides. And I was like, “Really?” I was like in the middle of—I don’t know. There was other people in the lab. I was like, “Why me?” Like I don’t know.

THERAPIST: I see. [00:22:44]

CLIENT: And I’ve done it for him before. But I was just like, “Not right now.” I don’t know. And I don’t know. Then there’s like this other tech who like—I don’t know. He does like a lot of the ordering for like things that we go through a lot. Like I don’t know. Tips and tubes and stuff like that. I don’t know. He told me that he doesn’t like to talk to like reps or like he has this (inaudible) deal with this (inaudible) not coming in. So, it was like me talking to the reps. And me (inaudible) to like the loading dock in our building. It’s just like I don’t know. I don’t know. Why don’t you deal with it, so it’s—because it’s your order? So, things like that on top of—

THERAPIST: (pause 00:23:44 00:24:14) I guess maybe hear from you I’m a little confused. (pause 00:24:16 00:24:18) As you’re saying it, you sound to me frustrated that (pause 00:24:24 00:24:26) these people either aren’t just dealing with their own crap but instead are putting it on you. Or, you know, like with Howard that he couldn’t see that you were busy and put it on somebody else. (pause 00:24:40 00:24:45) So, I think I get the sort of in this case like frustration and also kind of the stressful part of it. But you’re also saying that you have another worry which is how you come across in the midst of all of this I think. (pause 00:25:00 00:25:05) And I guess—(pause 00:25:05 00:25:11) I’m assuming that it’s like the—other things that we’ve talked about where you sort of worry. You get sometimes really frustrated. And you sort of worry about how you react or, you know, being sort of too critical or something. But I’m not sure.

CLIENT: (pause 00:25:36 00:25:50) I mean (inaudible) don’t want to put them in a (inaudible) of people. (pause 00:26:00 00:26:08) It just makes me want to just, you know, not protect anyone. Just, you know, hide and do what I need to do. And I don’t know. (pause 00:26:16 00:26:21) I feel like if I’m talking to someone I’m interrupting something or they’re distracting what I need to do. (pause 00:26:28 00:26:39) I don’t know.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:26:40 00:26:57) And I—(inaudible) I get that I can see why you’d want to hide if anybody you talk to is likely to shower you with new and annoying things to do.

CLIENT: Or—I mean they’re not even just the give me things to do. They’re giving me things to worry about like how I’m coming across or if I’m like curt to them it’s because I’m trying to like do things.

THERAPIST: (inaudible) said the interaction itself is another thing to deal with in addition to what they might give you to do.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:27:40 00:28:18) That’s also a reason to just stay away from everybody. (pause 00:28:21 00:29:46) And then that’s a part where you—that’s something that you start to feel is more kind of on you?

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:29:54 00:30:33) And I guess as though if you were—or more stable or less reactive or better in some fashion then (pause 00:30:46 00:30:50) you wouldn’t worry or be stressed out by the interactions themselves.

CLIENT: (pause 00:30:56 00:31:49) I guess just feel (inaudible)—(pause 00:31:50 00:31:59) I don’t know. Silly for talking about it or not—I don’t know. (pause 00:32:05 00:32:13) And (pause 00:32:13 00:32:20)—

THERAPIST: Is there—is it in part because like (pause 00:32:24 00:32:27) I needed some clarification in order to get a better sense of what’s going on?

CLIENT: (pause 00:32:31 00:32:36) I don’t know. (pause 00:32:37 00:32:41) No. I just feel like—(pause 00:32:43 00:32:47) I don’t know just kind of creating more anxiety (inaudible) thinking about kind of what (inaudible) should do about this. (pause 00:32:57 00:33:00) Or I’m also thinking of something (inaudible). And then—yeah.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:33:06 00:33:10) It seems like you named this sort of an overwhelming problem a few times I was there. But by not focusing on it, it doesn’t get so big.

CLIENT: Right. And you know—I don’t know.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:33:28 00:34:25) Yeah. I might—my impression is that you start to feel pretty trapped when you talk about something like this. And like (pause 00:34:34 00:34:38) it’s this inherent problem with you that (pause 00:34:42 00:34:47) maybe nobody can really do anything about. And (pause 00:34:52 00:34:57) so the best thing to do is sort of keep it under the rug.

CLIENT: (pause 00:34:59 00:35:27) I don’t know. It’s kind of just—I just need to kind of, you know, stay calm or stay focused (inaudible) than—I don’t know. And I don’t want to come off as like (inaudible). I mean to me it just becomes another to remember kind of—I don’t know. (inaudible) (pause 00:35:52 00:36:07) You know, it’s like if this bothers me so much then just don’t even react that way or don’t—I don’t know. (pause 00:36:12 00:36:19) Or just kind of suck it up.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:36:20 00:36:40) I think there’s a way that when you feel trapped in something like this the other person almost feels kind of inert. I’m thinking of, you know, both at work. (pause 00:37:00 00:37:06) You know, how the other person sort of, you know, maybe piling X, Y, or Z on you and you’re getting frustrated. And then you’re getting worried about that. It’s kind of like—(pause 00:37:19 00:37:29) I mean it feels to you like anything you put back on the other person that isn’t really quite calm and reasonable (pause 00:37:36 00:37:43) really reflects quite badly on you. (pause 00:37:45 00:37:50) But is it—that it’s sort of a one way street. (pause 00:37:53 00:38:03) And also it’s a little like that here. I think when you get kind of—or when you feel wound up in something like this, (pause 00:38:10 00:38:14) I think that feels—you know, kind of a foregone conclusion that (pause 00:38:20 00:38:36) there’s nothing I can do or a way that I can’t even kind of get into this really with you. I can sort of fit here sort of inert while you’re really anxious. And working very hard to kind of manage.

CLIENT: (pause 00:38:53 00:39:17) I guess—I don’t know. It just feels like you (inaudible). I don’t know why. I just kind of doing—dealing with it kind of like (inaudible). I don’t know. (pause 00:39:27 00:39:32) I don’t know. Responsible. Or it sounds like in the situation, so I don’t know. Is it my responsibility or not mine? (pause 00:39:40 00:39:47) I don’t know. You know, my—the action or, you know—

THERAPIST: So, it would be irresponsible of you to kind of expect (pause 00:40:07 00:40:12) someone else to sort of take on any of it.

CLIENT: (pause 00:40:15 00:40:18) Right.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:40:19 00:40:31) And that’s something, I guess, that you would be very critical of yourself for.

CLIENT: (pause 00:40:33 00:40:37) Yeah. Or just want to worry about. Like I’m the only other person because I don’t know what they’re thinking or what’s going on.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:40:48 00:40:58) I imagine you worry then maybe thinking something quite critical.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Like (pause 00:41:11 00:41:14) I wonder if it’s something like what you think. Like, “Oh my God. What the hell is she doing putting this on me? (laughter) I have so many other things.” (pause 00:41:22 00:41:26) I’m only laughing because like (pause 00:41:27 00:41:32) it seems like how you often feel. And, you know, the way you are often burned with things like that.

CLIENT: (pause 00:41:40 00:43:13) Well, I mean I think I just—other people think that I’m rude or just—(pause 00:43:16 00:43:20) or not—I don’t know. (pause 00:43:22 00:43:25) Be willing to help with their work.

THERAPIST: (pause 00:43:27 00:43:49) Well, I think you’re kind of lazy and don’t want to just kind of deal with this on your own?

CLIENT: (pause 00:43:53 00:44:22) I don’t know. (pause 00:44:22 00:44:29) I mean maybe it’s just—yeah. People see me as being—(pause 00:44:32 00:44:35) I don’t know. Rude. Or—I don’t know. We need to stop, don’t we? (pause 00:44:41 00:44:49) Yeah. (pause 00:44:49 –

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