TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
THERAPIST: Hi.
CLIENT: Hi. [Pause] This [pause] I’ve been kind of [pause] I guess I’ve been feeling a little bit lazy or kind of not really wanting to think about things that I need to do or kind of plan. I feel like, I guess I don’t I could have planned out my week and thought more about some of my experience in my [inaudible at 00:03:18] work and help set up. But, I don’t know, for some reason I really didn’t want to think about it or deal with it. [00:03:42]
And I’m not really sure why. I don’t know, I guess I worked with the feels like something bad for the count or something like, kind of an impending doom or something but I don’t understand why. I don’t know why it’s, I don’t know. [00:04:47]
I feel like I’ve been, especially on Thursday and Friday of last week putting together an annual report for one of the projects and taking a bunch of figures and getting numbers, I don’t know something about it made me kind of think something bad is going to happen or I don’t know. And I don’t know if it’s because I had to put off other things to kind of, other things I wanted to do to kind of focus on getting these numbers or whatever but I don’t know. [00:06:06]
[Pause]
I don’t know if I’m just feeling overwhelmed or not wanting to deal with things or having trouble remembering things but [pause] I’m not sure. [00:07:05]
THERAPIST: I wonder if it’s only in the office.
CLIENT: Maybe a little bit. I don’t know. I’m really not looking forward to this, training someone or I don’t know. They’re going to organize things.
THERAPIST: Yes having to train somebody’s like I remember when you had those, it was one quite anxious Post-doc and then there were maybe two people not too long ago where you had to post her peers for a couple of days and teach stuff to. I imagine training somebody would be a few months of that, which you did not like. [00:08:09]
CLIENT: Right. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just I’m afraid I’ll, or this thing will come across or I’ll be, I’ll still be busy but then having to train this person, then, I don’t know, not wanting to trust them or something, I don’t know. [00:09:14]
[Pause]
But I guess I don’t, I guess I could plan it all out and write everything out or something like that but I don’t know. I guess after a long night I don’t really have much energy or time or I don’t really want to focus on that. [00:10:22]
[Pause]
I don’t know. I guess it’s just I don’t know if I’m just being really stubborn but it just kind of makes me not want to deal with it. I’m not less excited about change but [00:11:58]
THERAPIST: When you say not wanting to deal with this meaning the sort of way that you’re feeling, being kind of low energy and having trouble being sort of motivated to want to come into work or do you mean with leaving or with training somebody? [00:12:24]
CLIENT: I guess with all of it, mostly with, yes aspects of leaving or I don’t know. And [pause] but I don’t know if I’m being lazy or kind of stubborn. [00:13:10]
THERAPIST: If you don’t feel ready to kind of tackle it head on, it means you’re being lazy or stubborn.
CLIENT: Right. Also just, I don’t know, it’s hard to be excited about it and just kind of worried about feeling responsible for this person and responsible for setting up a new life that would be good or positive. [00:14:33]
THERAPIST: You mean for yourself?
CLIENT: Right.
THERAPIST: Yes, and you said that you kind of wouldn’t want to be excited about that but in fact you’re really dreading it. [00:15:08]
CLIENT: I think my own fight is just kind of right now I feel overwhelmed and, I don’t know, I feel like there’s a lot of backlog of things at work I get to do. Even though and it’s always like extremely, mainly when I was new here I was put on hold but then all these little things come up and I don’t know. Trying to get everything done until I have to go back to the other experiment, it’s just overwhelming and [pause] and I guess I just want less things I guess because I kind of decide what to deal with or [00:16:54]
[Pause]
THERAPIST: Well, I think that there are some ways in which the office has been kind of at the center of your life when you moved here. And probably it’s hard to leave even if there’s a lot that you don’t like about it. [00:18:08]
CLIENT: Right. And it’s just it’s familiar. I don’t know if it’s just my tendency to in terms of blaming or making decisions or just wanting everything done right away or kind of, I don’t know. I guess I need to kind of be okay with things taking longer or kind of adjusting to it, I don’t know. I guess for example going in on Monday I always feel extremely overwhelmed and want to do everything immediately and it’s hard for me to [take it off] (ph) or I don’t want to. [00:19:41]
THERAPIST: Well I think also sometimes for you I think emotional stuff gets sort of played out through doing things. In other words I think you are anticipating and experiencing your dread of the change and leaving the office in terms of the things you have to do as part of that. And clearly they are a part of that, I’m not saying they’re not, and I can see why you dread having to train somebody I think. [00:20:34]
But it does seem like some of the things you’re worried about or are not looking forward to or have mixed feelings about, about leaving, kind of I think has sort of folded into the things on your to-do list, that make sense? [00:21:11]
CLIENT: Right, and [pause] right. [Pause] I don’t know. I guess I feel like I’m just kind of complaining about it or I don’t know [inaudible at 00:22:31]. I think it’s just me, I don’t like anticipating or just I want it to be over, I want it to be done. [00:22:44]
THERAPIST: It’s hard to have it just kind of floating out there in the future?
[Pause]
CLIENT: I don’t know, always (ph). [00:23:55]
[Pause]
THERAPIST: I see. There’s really, if I think about it, there’s really quite a lot that you can’t control when it comes to the move. I mean in terms of exactly how you finish things up in the office and who the new person is and training them and all sorts of things to do with moving, things to do with leaving this. [00:25:26]
I mean a lot of that is stuff that you can’t figure out yet or you can’t know about yet, which is real dreadful I think. [00:26:00]
[Pause]
CLIENT: I don’t know. I don’t really know how to handle it because it kind of comes in surges of me being busy but then I, the surge of being worried about it or kind of like I need to be doing something about it or then I’ll tell myself I’ll do a bit later but then, I don’t know, that’s not comforting or does kind of leads me to worry about it [like I am now] (ph). [00:27:19]
[Pause]
THERAPIST: I really know a good way to manage the worry about it. [00:28:00]
[Pause]
CLIENT: I mean I could tell myself I’ll figure it out but I don’t know it just makes me feel like I need to start organize or doing things or start organizing things.
[Pause]
THERAPIST: And this is also since it’s something I can’t actually help you with it. [00:29:41]
CLIENT: Right. I don’t know. [Pause] Right, yes it just feels like I’m just worrying about it for no reason or I’m being negative. [00:31:05]
THERAPIST: I see. I get a sense of if I can’t help you then really there’s no point of talking about it. And that means you’re just talking about it because you’re being negative or something.
CLIENT: Right. [Pause] I was just thinking why I don’t like teaching or kind of, I don’t know, and what is it that I’m missing or kind of I’ve got some kind of fault or something. [00:34:07]
THERAPIST: Or some kind of fault? In other words, in what way are you at fault?
CLIENT: In it?
THERAPIST: Right, yes.
[Pause]
CLIENT: I don’t know I’ve always been dramatic but it’s not going to play now. [00:35:02].
THERAPIST: Well I think you really do feel a sense of dread about it and so I think it usually feels like something is going wrong when you’re teaching or training someone. Either they’re not sort of focused, interested, getting it, trying, paying attention, or you’re not communicating well or communicating the right things. [00:36:01]
But my sense is that you feel like there’s something quite wrong and there’s a sort of disconnect associated with that.
[Pause]
CLIENT: I don’t know. I guess I just don’t like being judged or blamed or, I don’t know. I don’t want the responsibility for some things. [00:37:35]
[Pause]
I don’t know. I’m going to be okay unassigned (ph). I don’t know. [00:39:48]
[Pause]
THERAPIST: I guess I have the sense that you feel as though I’m understanding, I think, kind of where you’re coming from and some of the things that you’re dreading about leaving, especially about leaving the office and having to train somebody. But I think it still feels like there’s something kind of wrong in our communication or something. I mean you said it feels like it doesn’t help at all. I’m not sure, maybe something else. [00:42:40]
CLIENT: I don’t know. I just feel insecure or kind of, I don’t know. It just boils down to if I don’t like it so much [inaudible at 00:43:13] why do I put myself into situations enough where I do something easier and depressing (ph)?
THERAPIST: Well we should stop now. [00:43:45]
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