TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: Where did you have to run to get this?

THERAPIST: Aristotle’s two blocks down this way. It is a good coffee shop.

CLIENT: Cool! Awesome! This is not good coffee. This is coffee that was on the way.

THERAPIST: Tobias is not that f It’s literally one to two blocks down on …

CLIENT: That’s true, […from Colombia] (ph) who after *(&@ ten years she finally saved up enough money to (ph) all three of her children off.

THERAPIST: Amazing!

CLIENT: [Sees] (ph) her children for two weeks out of every year for ten years.

THERAPIST: What dedication!

CLIENT: Nope! We’re getting out of this country. We go to America and […ten years] (ph) 00:01:00

THERAPIST: Save the next generation. [Change …] (ph)

CLIENT: With a smile on her face the entire time. She’s like, “Oh ya, […my kids up here] (ph). This is the plan. It’s working.” So I respect the shit out of that. Speaking to the respect of shit out of it I was reflecting this morning when I sat in your waiting room that out of all psychologists that I have had, and I have had many, you are hands down the best. Just straight [up?] (ph), hands down. You should be aware of that. I (inaudible) seen many of them. You are flat-out the best. Congratulations to you. Now this came to mind because I saw Dr. Rogers. I was going to meet with him on Monday but he cancelled because he was sick suddenly. 00:01:53 He was like, “I am sorry. I never cancelled [anyone] (ph) before. I had to cancel everyone else’s day because (ph) as well. Ah, that sucks. So we met again yesterday morning and we immediately hit it off, immediately. We were just like, “Ah, sweet! This is a great working relationship. This is awesome!” I was like, “Ya. Here’s my (inaudible)”—He was like, “Give me your lead-up.” I was thinking of a lead-up an hour before I got to his office. He was like, “that was a really well done lead-up!” I was like, “I’ve gotten a lot of practice with lead-ups. […as we go] (ph) So that was cool. He’s like, “So what do you do?” I’m like, “I’m on three medications right now.” He’s like, “OK. Mental? (ph…)” I said, klonopin and I smoke weed all the time. He said, “OK.” And […pot agnostic] (ph) and I quit so many times I smoked weed instead of pot. We did a long long time ago and he is not that much older than we are. There is a guy I know -research shown that really beneficial [is asking] (ph) a bunch about it. He said, “I want to know more about it.” I’m like, “Well, [pause] (ph) just smoke some weed about it.” 00:03:14

THERAPIST: (laughter)

CLIENT: There’s one way to figure it out real quick. He is like, “I have seen it though. I’ve had patients. Some people smoke pot and it throws them for a loop. Others hold six-figure jobs and smoke weed every day before they go to work.” I’m like, “Ya. Then those people.” He’s like, “Ya. Clearly it is the old dogma about bad bad bad. Let’s just do crack.” The thing that I like a lot—he’s like, “I’ve explained lithium and busbar and the whole thing.” He’s like, “Well, if these things you are doing are working then why the try to change anything?” I was like, “I don’t know, man. Why did they?” He’s like, “This seems ridiculous!” I was like, “Thank you! Thank you!” (excited emotion) He was like, “Why would we—” He is like, “How do you feel right now?” I’m like, “Pretty good.” 00:04:02 [He’s like,] (ph) “This morning?” […in general] (ph) […pretty good] (ph) He’s like, “Ok. Then what’s the—” He’s like, “Wow! Then what is the problem? Why would they try to change anything?” “If you’re serious, good. Then why fiddle?” and he’s like, “Well actually There’s three types of psychiatrists that comes to the [U] (ph) There’s the old [guy] (ph) like Berry Darrell and Keith.”

THERAPIST: Did he know Darrell?

CLIENT: Ya, he’s like, “Wyatt Darrell?” I’m like, “ya”.

He’s like, “This old guy which is like, ‘Pot is bad. Pot is bad. Pot is bad.’” So there’s these people like me who are seeing all the emerging evidence. (inaudible) Well, clearly there is a lot more going on here than (inaudible) It’s nearly as black and white and there’s research to be done here and stuff to be learned. And clearly it’s not anything at all like what we thought it was. It’s like just backed with this huge range of experience. That’s what I fall into. So there’s the third cohort. It’s a very strong cohort, younger doctors and psychiatrists. 00:05:14 (inaudible)” Here’s the thing. This bums me out because we really hit it off, but I gotta think [where it is that I saw my brother ] (ph) and my uncle in a case like this. So he’s like, “You should go to the center. You have a primary care physician there and a psychiatrist there. (inaudible) be able to (inaudible) understand medical marijuana and can talk to you about it and he can prescribe it if that’s what you need. I would totally treat you, but I don’t know enough about that drug to accurately judge how it is interacting with other stuff. I hope to learn more about it.” I’m like, “Well, you’ve taken a vacation the summer. Take this with some time to read.

(crosstalk)

(inaudible) 00:05:56

He has a bunch of vacation to take this summer. He’s like, “I’m going to be away a lot in the summer.” So I’m like, “(inaudible)”. So he’s like, “Ok. You’ve got to go to the center, man. They can help you better than I can.” And we’re both like, “This sucks!” and he’s like, “Ya! I know! This would have been awesome. (inaudible) He’s like, “I’m not going to charge you obviously.” No, thanks! Great! It’s awesome. And he’s like, “And that is fine with you, right?” and I’m like, “Ya! It’s fine with me. He’s like, “(inaudible) [ (ph)]” this guy who didn’t show up for […an extra consult] (ph) and so I said, “Hey, you missed your first meeting and I know you missed your first one and so I missed the second and I’m going to charge you.” He goes, “No. I’m going to charge you for this one.” He’s like, “You can’t charge me. You weren’t here.” He’s like, “No. I’m only doing this for (inaudible) bullshit (inaudible) but I need her to [noise] (ph) (inaudible)

(inaudible) 00:06:58

He’s like, “I can’t do that. I can’t just charge you for coming in.” So that’s funny. I called [Mason] (ph) yesterday and couldn’t get through. So I am going to call again this morning when I get back and try to get a […an appointment] (ph) for this and there and get it set up.

THERAPIST: And they had psychiatry over there?

CLIENT: They had everything. They have everything. They have got it all. They have got acupuncture. They’ve got doctors. One doctor has a thing up there. He’s like, “Anything you want to try: if there’s evidence behind it we’ll try it. I’m open to trying any evidence based medicine that you can find.” I’m like, “That’s great.”

THERAPIST: And he didn’t even know you were thinking about going to the center?

CLIENT: No, he had no idea.

THERAPIST: I didn’t know about that.

CLIENT: If there a force of threat to the lives of privileged white males.

THERAPIST: Ya, it does sound well with us.

(crosstalk)

CLIENT: It would clearly be floating in one direction.

THERAPIST: Well there is a reason you are hearing about it. (inaudible) 00:08:03

CLIENT: He’s got a great reputation.

THERAPIST: (inaudible) place to check out at least.

CLIENT: At the very least. (inaudible) there.

THERAPIST: Ya. I go. I just see primary -well I just had physical therapy there too and they’re really good at that.

CLIENT: Ya. (inaudible) fucked up for years and spasms (inaudible) the right fit. [inaudible doctor has] (ph) been like, “(inaudible) stress in her life. Here’s take these pain meds (inaudible) skelaxin and she’s like, “Thanks. None of that is useful.” “OK. So it’s for the pain.” And finally one guy is like, “You just need to keep looking for doctors until you find one that listens to you.” And finally this one’s like, “OK. So you have an injury from sitting at a desk all day. That’s what happens. You’re an athlete who sits at a desk all day and that’s your athleticism and you’re not properly trained to do it and that’s how you hurt yourself. We’ll teach you how to prepare for that. Ya, you have a legitimate problem. […fixed it] (ph) and the doctor says you have a legitimate problem, wow. 00:09:15

THERAPIST: Ya, you know. You have [a key of get insurance] (ph).

CLIENT: So I can go there.

THERAPIST: What is the street?

CLIENT: It is not a joint for you. It’s not at all. And he was also big on that. He’s like, “If you need to get heart surgery go with (inaudible) He’s like, “If you need to go to the doctor for any not super serious reason you go to the center.” That was his feeling. He’s like, “If I need something. (inaudible)”. He’s like, “If they have some upper-level dude, but all the lower-level dude you just like churn [….] (ph).”

You don’t mind me eating these donuts in here do you?

THERAPIST: Nope. 00:10:15

CLIENT: (inaudible background conversation) That was a really positive experience.

THERAPIST: That’s interesting. center has psychiatry over there. You still want to see -there might be variation among people too.

CLIENT: Totally. I just want to be like, “I took three medications. I need you to prescribe at least two of them.

THERAPIST: That’s cool These are these people [that are doing] (ph) a lot of work over there.

CLIENT: The laws are (inaudible) well. This, this, this, this, this, this this and anything else you think may be relevant. 00:11:07

THERAPIST: Well, then you have someone who knows how those things interact.

CLIENT: Ya, exactly. I’m smoking power push right now since I’m out of blueberry and power push is also a bipolar [meeting] (ph) bipolar base. I’m like, “Great! There are a lot of these. It’s the numbers strength. Bipolar users report success. And that’s what we’re dealing with, their user experiences.

THERAPIST: And mostly people are kind of just trying to aggregate this information.

CLIENT: [….com] (ph) It’s not even grass roots as much as—ok here’s all the dispensaries. We can tell you where you can find any strain you want near you. Here’s user reviews, but we can also tell you where it is grown, the strains it comes from, how you can recognize it. It’s supposed to give you a chart. Here’s dry mouth, dizziness, paranoia, and little bars (how much you would expect from that). 00:12:01

THERAPIST: But they’re very diligent about it it sounds.

CLIENT: Ya, there is a lot of information. And then there is the user ratings and user ratings and user ratings and that is the only useful psychiatric information as far as I am concerned is “What are the user experiences?”

THERAPIST: Well that is what it is all based off that. That is what the FDA works.

CLIENT: They should, right?

THERAPIST: They rely on patient self-reports.

CLIENT: That’s good. We leave the country anyways in two years so it won’t be an issue. But right now what I can do if I can just get that card I think I can grow three plants. I just go to my guy and say, “Hey, this has been great. I need blueberry. I need northern lights and power push.” and I’ll have three little plants going.

THERAPIST: It’s interesting. I think—because of how the marijuana plants came into vogue. They made it a much more (crosstalk)

CLIENT: They called it a schedule three. (crosstalk)

THERAPIST: They made it really—more serious, I think, than cocaine. 00:13:05

CLIENT: It’s still scheduled in federally as still a really well-used drug, but that was all part of a smear campaign.

THERAPIST: All the […bench] (ph) products were really reliable.

CLIENT: They were like (inaudible). Here’s the drug. Here’s the drug. Here’s the drug. He’s like, “It turns people to [potfin] (ph).” You’ve seen [me from that is] (ph). This is all propaganda. This thing is a clearly motivated corporate concerns. And to keep one cash crop working and another one out. Pot’s changing. Philip Morris is like, “Well, (inaudible) and people don’t need as much tobacco and they’re not going to . […education is out there] (ph) fewer people are going to be stupid in another generation if we start picking this up, but everyone was peeved. So we should start transitioning.

THERAPIST: Is that what they are thinking about doing? 00:14:00

CLIENT: If they’re not thinking about that they’re idiots And it’s likely that they are because the way the states are changing their laws: tobacco is not fighting it out. Nobody is fighting it out. You people are like, “Well the nation was founded on a cash crop to the point that when the cash crop succeeded we conquered [them again] (ph). That’s We’re like, “Nope. We are going to need that tobacco.” So it’s coming. (crosstalk)

THERAPIST: It went long. 00:14:44

CLIENT: I liked him so much I didn’t tell him his last name meant “good lesser”.

THERAPIST: What did you say?

CLIENT: I said I liked him so much I didn’t tell him his last name meant “good lesser”.

THERAPIST: The lesser. (almost a laugh yet not a chuckle)

CLIENT: Literally the smaller, but in terms of […nature given] (ph) back in the day (inaudible). This is (inaudible)? This is (inaudible)? My friend White (inaudible). I was like,

THERAPIST: “Really?

CLIENT: Your name is White Bread, right?” He’s like, “yes”. Now the rest of my friends do too.

I have a job tomorrow. [Your…stuff] (ph) for six hours, whatever it is, however long it takes. Take a bunch of pictures of desktop setups [and live with it] (ph). (crosstalk)

THERAPIST: The computer gig. 00:15:48

CLIENT: They’re only moving the computers too. So fuck it. That’s fine. As long as you—being able to [...work that you’re doing…] (ph) And so it’s very clear [the one sheet] (ph). It’s like, “Here are the things we will be doing. Here are the things we will not be doing: anything that is not on this list, anything that has to do with building management getting in their way. [… employees] (ph) it is part of their responsibility to make sure we don’t do anything that is not on this list. Don’t ask them to go get stuff because they’re not allowed to.

THERAPIST: But you’ll be working directly under this guy?

CLIENT: […frames] (ph) usual frames.

THERAPIST: But they can’t get you to do anything else other than (inaudible) (crosstalk) 00:16:56

CLIENT: We will lift 20 servers regardless of order off these shelves and put them on another shelf regardless of order. Then take each workstation which is computer, monitors, towers, speakers, keyboard and mouse and each workstation and put it back upstairs. Set up in roughly the same way. Turn it on. Make sure it connects to the Internet. Thirty PC’s. Three lists of thirty PC’s. Tell me that’s not going to take any time. Twenty servers upstairs regardless of order.

THERAPIST: Why? Sometimes they need to be in order?

CLIENT: I don’t know. I don’t know, but there’s like, [“I don’t want to go.”] (ph) My bet is that [… a lot more work to record everything] (ph) and blah blah blah. And they’re like, “Oh, we don’t want that.” It’s great, a [little] (ph) (sp?) Starbucks there.

THERAPIST: Wait. What did you say? That some won’t work? 00:18:01

CLIENT: Come on! (pause) The company that contracted [Tech State] (ph) (sp?), the company I was being subcontracted through—in their work order—in the formation of their work order it says, “Regardless of order—It’s the sort of thing these contractors do where they’re like, “It’s not particularly important and we don’t really want to spend our time doing it because if we did that it would take a lot more time and we would have to charge more for this whole thing. They’re like, “Oh, well then we don’t want that service.” [We weren’t going to want to do that anyway. It’s not a good use of our spare time.] (ph) Xavier’s job is to be there on Monday in case they have questions […turn on] (ph). 00:19:03

THERAPIST: He shows up to everybody is working? (pause) And this is his job? He just goes around doing this for companies?

CLIENT: Ya. He does tech support. IT. Chinese contract. He’s salary but he contracts out. Ya. I filled out a W9. It will be tomorrow, one day of work. Jeans and a polo shirt is the dress code. Shoes are fine.

THERPAIST: Well that kind of work order you know what you’re getting yourself into. There’s no kind of ambiguity.

CLIENT: [You’re lifting twenty servers…] (ph) I was like thirty pictures. This is what your desktop looked like. This is what your desktop looked like. Alright. Let’s move them upstairs. Ya. It looks about right. Turn it on. It turns on. Not hard. (pause) There is a good chance Xavier said we will finish up early. Clock out as an eight hour day. Ya. That looks accurate. Three of us moving 30 PC’s. Fifty total. Thirty if it matters. More than four 00:20:38

THERAPIST: How are you feeling about it tomorrow?

CLIENT: It’s weird because I’m doing it for the job. It’s just out in the center of Providence. I get off and walk a block or two.

THERAPIST: Where is it in Providence?

CLIENT: Probably—(crosstalk)

THERAPIST: To get off—

CLIENT: […Park] (ph) I walk down to the government center. (inaudible)

THERAPIST: In that area. Ya, but it’s weird getting a paid gig. 00:21:18

CLIENT: It is weird. Just having to be there messes up your time. I’m like, “Holy shit! Just to be there between 9-9:30 makes my regular leave time 8:00, be around five. Literally, it’s 9-9:30. [Tech State personnel arrive] (ph) I have a half hour window to arrive. I’ll try to arrive as close time as possible. But I smoke weed in the morning before I go. That is the question, (pause) probably.

THERAPIST: What are your thought—what is the question for you in terms of that? 00:22:02

CLIENT: By the time I get to work to do simple work will I be in any state of […are stoned] (ph) and the answer is no. I’ll be like this, right now. […function…mean to you right now…] (ph) or he will be like, “I don’t know. We are just totally wasted.”

THERAPIST: I would not see any yet.

CLIENT: Because [I am a fucking] (ph) pro. But I would be like this, exactly like this.

THERAPIST: Ya. Listen. There are a lot of people

CLIENT: …that smoke weed in the morning and then go to work. Come home. I mean six-figure lawyers, like “Boom!” I never smoked weed. [….] (ph) Maybe in the morning and maybe I should have. Maybe I should. Wake up. Smoke a joint. Go to work. Do the work. Come home. Smoke another joint. For a while I was driving to work every morning (inaudible) and they’re legal compared to illegal. 00:23:09

THERAPIST: Too that you’re just like—understandable kind of tension or an anxiety about starting something new. You haven’t been out there in a while.

CLIENT: That helps with everything. Integrating that with […my life.] (ph) How does that work?

THERAPIST: And wanting not to feel off at all but also wanting not to feel too anxious? Is that the thing?

CLIENT: Exactly, the whole thing. How I’m going to transport my little anxiety pill for the afternoon because that’s when I will be needing it so I don’t (inaudible)

THERAPIST: What time do you usually try to take it?

CLIENT: In the morning like around 4:00.

THERAPIST: And then 4 p.m.? What do you notice about it? That it starts to wear off at 4:00? 00:23:59

CLIENT: I start to know when to take it because I start to get really worried about stuff and that. Oh wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold up. It’s time for my dose. I’ll take my dose. A half hour later when it kicks in. Clonazapam is very much more when you need it. Response to stuff like (snap snap snap of fingers) buspar which builds up in your system. Respond to it’s just a. (snap snap snap of fingers)

I saw a movie. Ya, between the time (inaudible) called Crystal Fairy and the Magical Cactus. It’s a one and a half star film, charity two stars starring Michael Cera. But he is the only famous person I—who knows really what’s going on. It’s about Michael Cera plays this guy who went all the way to Chile because he wants to find some nato cactus and mess with one on the beach. They have friends out there from Chile. So it’s a story of him going to find this cactus and going to a beach and preparing it. He is obsessed with it the entire time. Michael Cera [raises] (ph) self-centered asshole basically the entire time. 00:25:18 He just really wants to get this drug and try it. He is being very rude to people and he steals the cactus instead of (inaudible) for it. They pick up this [meth…archetype] (ph) on the way. They called just a Fairy. Long story short she is actually a (noise) […There is a lot more to her.] (ph). Wow! This is—I just want more about her. So I’m not going to say I’m—and all this other stuff. It’s just like what is going on with her. Every single person you meet in that movie, except Michael Cera is really—they’re all really good people who really cares about what is going on with you, perfect strangers! Perfect strangers. So that is interesting. 00:26:11 He would make a world in which everyone is—he suggests there is a place—there is a place where everyone just takes care of each other. Everyone is just polite. So I guess we will [serve this old lady and listen to her stories and stuff like that because we want the cactus she has and […think about it] (ph) […where she wants to hang out for a while.] (ph) This is (inaudible) L.A. So we are going to hang out for a while [and play] (ph) […] (ph) we really got to get going which translates to, “[Why don’t we] (ph) give her money for the whole thing and just get out of here? We are sitting down for now. We are having a conversation.

THERAPIST: Maybe that is what you have kind of found in having the—finding the right kind of med regimen is that it stunk a little bit like a…

CLIENT: A question you have.

THERAPIST: It’s frightening it is to you. (scared emotion) 00:27:02

CLIENT: I remember that feeling from, “Oh no! Oh no! I’m out (pause) and I need more of it or else I know what happens: or else I am going to crash hard and it is going to be horrible and it’s going to be hard.” That is what I get that feeling of urgency. How am I going to resolve this problem?

I have half an ounce of beer at my house right now.

THERAPIST: How does that sit with you though? (crosstalk) It’s a good amount.

CLIENT: That sits ok. That realizing that I have three separate bags [technically that is the wrong way to do it.] (ph). This is [your own way on the safety side] (ph) you always keep them all in one bag. If you have multiple bags so that is potential distribution…

THERAPIST: But it’s in her house right?

CLIENT: Ya. It’s not that it fucking matters.

THERAPIST: It is not legal that your […amounts] (ph) 00:28:02

CLIENT: […amounts, exactly] (ph). They would have to be—this would be like, “We want you specifically. I’m like, “And we hope that you have it in two separate bags and we are coming in there.” I got that, such an outlandish (crosstalk) […worry about it] (ph).

THERAPIST: Well, it’s understanding. 00:28:21

CLIENT: I [know…] (ph)

THERAPIST: The world could be—the world is a threatening place and it can be.

CLIENT: And it’s something that you need. Yes. I walk back to my guy’s place with a quarter ounce of weed in my back pocket. It’s vacuum-sealed so that you can’t smell anything. Just tell him, “We are walking back with it. […I got weed on me…] (ph).” Oh my God I’m like, “Fred, what is the worst thing that they can do? They can give you a speeding ticket for $100 and they can take the weed from you and that would suck, but that would be the end of it (pause) if they even give a shit (tone of voice seemed angry), if they even give a shit.”

WHO: But again that is something I think you’re sort of saying there is a lot of concern around It can happen at your home. It can happen on the street. It is kind of a feeling of, “Someone is going to take away the good thing that is helping me feel better and is helping me feel—”

CLIENT: “—It will punish me.”

THERAPIST: “—Ya, it will punish me and make me very punitive, dangerous!” 00:29:43

CLIENT: That’s the thing. I just want to […and I get three plants] (ph) and I grow them and then out of the entire loop, just me and three little hydro pods and -

THERAPIST: “—Ya, right. To give you a feeling of—”

CLIENT: “And that’s it. This is my weeds, for me, and I can’t be fucking with. It’s just mine now and I don’t have to worry about […with someone who doesn’t get it] (ph), but I do. There are three separate flowering cycles. It seems to me that we are talking about the stuff that Darrell didn’t kind of get about. I think this experience of a little bit, you know, and I’ll say that I think it’s living in a home where it wasn’t safe. That can really root down a sense of being of needed vigilance to feel more settled.

CLIENT: The more control I can take over anything the better. In terms of my own experience […do whatever the fuck you want…give a shit…] (ph) until it affects my world and it’s like, “What the fuck are you doing here?” It’s like, now you are in my realm and my experience and I just will not tolerate whatever it is (pause) that’s going on there. 00:31:08

THERAPIST: What you really try to do is salvage this sense of safety, regularity, predictability that everyone needs to not be.

CLIENT: [Yes! Like everybody Not that] (ph) everybody does need that. […feel that] (ph) on a regular basis.

Let’s talk about euthymic states just for a moment. What if I am experiencing a euthymic state? I generally feel good, right?

Sad things happen. I feel sad. […I hear something come on.] (ph) I look at my dog. Some day he is going to die and that is going to be sad. That’s what that is. I think people experience that. I don’t know if you had a dog or have a dog, but some day you will die which is going to be sad. That is a normal type of sadness. […my dog!...] (ph) 00:32:08

THERAPIST: More the sad feeling that kind of can come and go.

CLIENT: As a normal person, right, right? Like if some saw it happen it’s like, “Oh, that’s sad.”, right?

THERAPIST: As opposed to what?

CLIENT: As opposed to something sad happened and now I am sad for days or something good happened and I’m like, “Ya! [(emotion of excitement)] (ph) [Praise and grandiose awesome days!” (ph). No! I think I ride a low roller coaster of hypo-mania verses euthymia and I think that’s the perfect place to be.

THERAPIST: Ya, but what is the q I think what you’re sort of saying, especially when a Darrell or somebody can kind of challenge (inaudible) 00:32:59

CLIENT: Here’s why. […Wells and Decliner…] (ph) because they both said, “Your experience is not real. It can’t be real. The things you are describing cannot be real. You cannot be having a beneficial effect from marijuana […thoughts] (ph) I feel like you have bipolar and two [doxycyclines] (ph). What is the worst thing for you?

THERAPIST: Then what does that mean if they are saying that it is not real?

CLIENT: (inaudible) each other. It’s like, “This is my experience.” “No it’s not.”

THERAPIST: Kind of like, “You must be an illusion.” or something or a (inaudible)

CLIENT: Ya. I must be delusional or [stress …] (ph) (crosstalk)

THERAPIST: Or diluting yourself.

CLIENT: Trying to get them to prescribe medical marijuana or something. Well, it would be great if they would, but I have never asked [them to] (ph). [I have never asked ..] (ph) (crosstalk).

THERAPIST: It’s more that they think you’re trying to cheat them or something?

CLIENT: Or something. But that is their idea. It’s like, “Oh marijuana is just straight up bad for you.” That is just the dogma that they were raised with. “Marijuana is bad for you.” 00:34:03

THERAPIST: But also, beyond that the kind of indictment about not really.

CLIENT: Exactly. If I am smoking marijuana and I assume, well, I can’t actually be doing well. I was just manic right then. Oh no. He is having a manic episode right now. That is what he thinks he is happy.

THERAPIST: What about the euthymic question, though? When you—comes up?

CLIENT: Because I—[…yesterday] (ph)—I said because I am not euthymic enough in the way in which I think I should be. That’s the problem. That is why they fiddle. They’re like, “Euthymic is this. And that’s what I want you to be.” I’m like, “That’s not what I asked for.” It’s not even what I am looking for.

THERAPIST: It’s kind of doubting your experience or is it more than (inaudible) (crosstalk) 00:34:56

CLIENT: It’s all of those things. I’m doubting your experience. It does not mesh with what I know is the correct moral state of being. Well that is an incredibly subjective thing. You can’t objectively say this is the best state of being, at least not yet. [I think about…ask you to do that] (ph) Your experience that you think is yours is not. Your happiness is not real. No one’s happiness is real, folks.

THERAPIST: It reminds me, though—I thought it was really an important observation you made about this time you went home and you were feeling like you had a really good day and Ginny said […manic] (ph)

CLIENT: Ginny said (crosstalk) It really upset me! (emotion of upset) I just thought I was happy and they were like, “No, you aren’t.” 00:35:56

THERAPIST: You were actually not happy. You can’t trust your own perception.

CLIENT: You’re not actually happy. You’re just crazy. That’s not what she said clearly.

THERAPIST: No, no: that is right.

CLIENT: I think […no, I am that] (ph) Yes, in a right aclamatic line. I do. As Doctor [Bernard said,] (ph) he’s like, “A lot of people would pay a lot of money to achieve your sort of state. They would be really into it. […low aclamatic livelies…as I have said] (ph) If you can make this happen you should do this thing.

THERAPIST: Like this soma, right?

CLIENT: Yes! Exactly! If you can give people a drug that makes them feel this why aren’t we giving that to everybody? Why isn’t it in the water? Because drugs affect everyone differently (pause) and that is the problem. This thimesisone (sp?). You can’t give a drug that affects everyone the same way for certain. So [it’s] (ph) heroin that makes everyone happy. I guess you could pop enough opiates in anything that anyone would like it, “Oh. This is great!” I don’t know. I have no idea. 00:37:08

THERAPIST: [Make it more resistant to] (ph) (crosstalk)

CLIENT: […people who are] (ph) “Oh, opiates! Crap! I hate this!” It goes to your pleasure centers and turns them on. What do I have to do? I have to make a point to be motivated to finish short term goals. I have to make it a point to do that. I’m like, “Ok.” These are things that need to happen. Stick with those things and do those things. I’m getting back to a place where I feel—I’m like, “Ok. Yes. Yoga is happening now. Oh, I should do Yoga. No, wait: why don’t I just do it right now. I have got twenty minutes. 00:37:57 Why is it not—I pumped out four sun salutations and [then you listen to your fours] (ph), a lot of the leg stuff. I feel [like the…hip flexors] (ph) There you go. Twenty minutes later I have done most of yoga: There you go. Simple. I really need to go to that thing. Open up the editor. Open it up. Create new projects. Import asset, other project. [These two scripts.] (ph) I need this script. Great! Import that script. […doctor…we start again and we start at the absolute meaning] (ph) I got it to a point where it works, but so poorly and there is so much excess shit just in the project that I am like, ok. I need to (inaudible). Take the parts that I need and fill that [very simple very small] (ph) All it means is a lot more files associated with—that were imported because they are from a free sample of assets. You need a script from character one [and jump] (ph). I wrote that already. Take that and fiddle until your heart is content. 00:39:13

THERAPIST: How do you find it is going?

CLIENT: It’s good. It’s hard and it’s like math. You can’t just cram and smash your way through it. You have to go, “Hold up! Hold up!” Read every single sentence. This isn’t like history. This isn’t like novels. This isn’t like &*(@ anything else. You just blast through and take those two sentences by inference. [waybach] (ph) Skimming most and understanding the context of what they are saying. It’s like, “Look. You shouldn’t do this with code you shouldn’t do this with math. If you miss one step none of it works.”

THERAPIST: Like speed reading would be really effective in certain contexts, not with coding with every single (inaudible) 00:40:02

CLIENT: […magic all the time] (ph) I feel like, “Boom! I do this!” I’m like, “It doesn’t do that.” Keep reading the card and they’re like, “[blah blah blah]”. “&*(@!” I’m like, “Guys! You have to read all of the text. You can’t stop at the part that you like. Oh, that works out really well for me. There are two more lines of text! What could that possibly mean?

THERAPIST: You can’t just stop as far as you like.

CLIENT: You should check out the entire thing so you know what it does. There it is. Code, Ebay, got the scale for Ebay and showed up as far as weighing things, packing things, and sending them out and my friend Darcy, she is like, “Here is more stuff up on Ebay. I’ll split it with you 50/50 if you Ebay it. I’m like, “Fine let’s see what you got.” We have this box of factory-sealed Dr. Who trading card [star ga deck] (ph) He’s like, “I don’t know what We’ll see. We’ll take a look.” I’m like, “Oh there is an auction for this right now. Three days left over with two bids for $46. That’s great news! I’ll post this thing in one day and leave the sucker who bet last with the other thing […that] (ph) and the other guy who came over here grabbed this one for $50. 00:41:16

THERAPIST: These are still some [time…] (ph).

CLIENT: [A little cheaper than where you are going around. I don’t have a real doubt.] (ph) At least that is what I would have done. “Oh shit! This things is up to $60.” I’m not the highest bidder, though and that was at $50. Jump ship. Leave the other stuff to the higher bidder. Now he’s got to pay $61. I did this in the [wow auction house] (ph) and I am doing it now. I know how to play this game. I played this game! I played this game and won! I know how this game works. 00:41:58

THERAPIST: You did that in WarCraft.

CLIENT: This is the same setup except there is more data. They’re like, “Well, we don’t want to hog data from us. You can’t just game the system.” Okay. Let’s take a look at the actual—I can look at Ebay. I can res […so many filters] (ph). Who is on board? That doesn’t matter. What has sold in this category and what has it actually sold for? I don’t give a shit (inaudible) He’s like (crosstalk)

THERAPIST: An economic certain loss that happened.

CLIENT: And then there’s also the kind of thing that I did the other day. These guys are seven Star Wars figures. They’re bouncing on your [sensors.] (ph) Currently it’s $1.04 with a half hour left. I’m like, “Alright, $1.06, whatever it is.” There are a few other bidders. These seven figures I could turn into $30 (pause) because of who they are. It’s $10 shipping. 00:42:56 I am willing to spend a maximum of $15 for these totals. My max bid is $5.36 and the last I can do is $15.50. Good! You just paid $25. If I were you I would have just paid $25 for potentially $30 because $10 shipping is what I am. If it is less shipping for you—if it’s just almost no shipping in the lowest spot then that is a great deal. If you want a bit more, fantastic. These numbers are—Oh, shit! Look at this! This fucking idiot put up these $30 for a dollar! Let’s just see if everyone else notices. I went to Pandemonium. I was like, “Hey. These things were all marked way way down. This is 80% off. This is 80% off. This is 60% off. The quick bar code scan is an Ebay app. I’m like, “This will go for 70%. This will go for 50% and this will go for 15%, but it is $4, $18, and $20.” So I am like, “Great! I will just buy these.” Thanks guys! It was wicked cheap stuff that nobody wants except in this store. 00:44:07

THERAPIST: So you have an Ebay app that you can ?

CLIENT: Ya. You can scan bar code (crosstalk) (inaudible) It’s wicked useful. So he’s all, “Oh, these are great bargains! We can just. I can triple my money on this and triple my money on this and triple my money on this! Like, “Ok. So ya, I’ll totally buy these!” And the funny thing is, the funniest thing, man, there’s those three [train …] (ph) There’s really cool like cardboard 3-D train that clips together with special clips. It’s cool. It’s customizable sideways. You can play good games on it but it needs these things called Terra Clips I think you can get. Pandamonium sells the maps, not the Terra Clips. 00:44:59 Comacausie has a couple boxes of Terra Clips, not the maps. You can’t sell either of these products without the other. It’s impossible. So I buy at Pandamonium marked down by […per cent or 80%] (ph) the map. I’m like, “Thanks. This is great!” We are like, “Cool!”

THERAPIST: Because they are not selling them all?

CLIENT: Because they can’t possibly sell. Because they don’t have Terra Clips. Nobody fucking wants it if you can’t buy Terra Clips with it. They don’t make Terra Clips much because the […people] (ph) still want it a lot. So I went to Comacausie and I am like, “Hey, man! I see you have two boxes of Terra Clips. They are listed at $18, though.” He is like, “Ya.” I was like, “They’re dusty. They haven’t moved ever.” So can you be flexible on this?” Can I sell them for $15? I was like, “Ya. It sounds great!” Fifteen dollars here and $20 comes to $70 on the net. Sell them both together. It’s like, “Ah! Look at this, guys! Both of them! I have both pieces of the puzzle.” These two guys did—two separate stores unable to do it. 00:45:59 All you have to do is send a Comicausie person down. See if they have that [Malabu stuff] (ph) […one of those.] (ph) You can sell one of these boxes of Terra Clips. But no, nothing. He’s like, “Hey! You did ok. Go to Comicausie. See if they have got any Terra Clips around. 00:46:16

THERAPIST: And they’re just little clips?

CLIENT: They’re just this little box of clips, L-shaped clips (inaudible) They’re specifically for this thing. They’re useless, one without the other.

I have put the amulates together. I can now sell the amulate for $70. I can have some of the …for $70] (ph) But that is the game! That is the game! As soon as anyone that’s coming in from Ebay that’s useful. You go to Target and Gamestop and find the Swatstar Skylandars of which there are only one left. That one would be valuable and that one would be valuable as soon as the next set comes out.

THERAPIST: Can they buy them and sell them on Ebay? 00:46:56

CLIENT: Ya because all the sudden they are [at print elves] (ph) and there are a lot of that one. Well, I have it. I have it, but do you want it? I would sell it for $15. I know they are not in the store but $15 seems fair now, right? because people do that. They fucking do that. There are Series One Skylandars, the ones I always wanted and never got: they are worth $38. Thirty eight bucks this $9 thing! If you buy this latest version $8 because nobody wants the latest version. It’s currently in print. You can buy it anywhere.

THERAPIST: I see. If you know what to buy you can (crosstalk)

CLIENT: If you know what to buy. [How…my stepfather…] (ph) He makes his money on the first-time of it. He lives off Ebay. That’s his job. He clears $5,000.00 a month in a good month by doing exactly this.

THERAPIST: What does he do it with?

It started with comics, [action figures…] (ph) (noise) He has a very good eye for “This will be important.” So Star Wars stuff right now: people are fucking buying Star Wars stuff because the movies are coming out. [People like Star Wars stuff.] (ph)

THERAPIST: I see what you are saying.

CLIENT: But it’s a game.

THERAPIST: If you know what you are doing you can make money.

And Ginny is like, “Listing to…”. She is like, “You should just become a curator. I am like, “I know. That would be great. Pick up [$10 an hour and sell…] (ph) Get things that are a bargain. Hit yard sales and like, “Oh you got these ps2 games? PS2 is old now. It would be $3 for a stack (inaudible). It used to be $5 on Ebay. Thank you.

THERAPIST: Really, because people still play the old ones?

CLIENT: They’re still playing the old ones and for $5 they can’t fucking get them anywhere else because Gamestock doesn’t keep the used ps2 games. They just fucking landfill those. Don’t worry. I have got a bunch of those. Do you want to play Grand Theft Auto with San Andreas? Well good. There is only one place you can.

THERAPIST: You can play the two games on three or four. 00:48:59

CLIENT: Only if you have the first generation three. You can play the ones on the two and the very first generation three you play the two’s, but they changed all that because they want—[what they are doing is they are releasing the old games as digital versions on ps2. So you are looking at the audio games that you already own but now digitally so it will work on the ps4.

THERAPIST: Because four [he] (ph) doesn’t even have any disks [I believe] (ph).

CLIENT: No. It has—it probably has this whole (inaudible) but you don’t need them. You don’t need them for the ps3. I don’t have to buy a game disk. It just happens to be like, “Which game do I want?”

It’s all now you can download it.

CLIENT: Ya, it’s all downloaded. And fucking Gamestop. [Gamestop] (ph) is literally the place you sell your stolen iPhones and iPads. No questions asked. Cash in hands.

THERAPIST: They will buy them?

CLIENT: Oh ya! You just walk in with all sorts of video games, whatever. They give you cash in hand. No questions asked. That is what happens. The thieves break in. The first [… apartments grab a stackfull of video games, run] (ph) and one takes almost no time.

WHO: [I heard that was …] (ph) with the iPhones (inaudible) 00:50:12

CLIENT: Ya. Just grab those there (inaudible) Grab an iPad […fine] Just fucking run into Gamestop (snap of fingers three times), within hours it’s out of your hands.

THERAPIST: A new sim card or something, right? It’s what they do.

CLIENT: Ya, just pop it out. Ya, no, [let’s hold that.] (ph) I don’t have a sim card. Like, fine, whatever it’s $200. Here you go. What time is it (inaudible). Anyway, that’s how you do it illegally. The way you do it my way is you pay very close attention. And this is a game I can play? This is a game I am good at. I’ve literally played this game with less information than I have now and done really well with it. It’s all a matter of, well what are people actually looking for? People are looking to trade time for money at any point in time. He’s like, [How did you] (ph) collect these things? I have them. I see your […is selling for this] (ph). I’ll tell you what. Fuck those guys! You can have it right now for $30. Get out of those options. You don’t [want] (ph) that shit. 00:51:16

THERAPIST: Does he do a buy now thing?

CLIENT: Ya, I’ll do a buy now or I’ll do what I am doing with this Dr. Who thing. Two people want this, huh? Well, I have got another one coming. This one is only $50. [It starts with $50. It probably is…] (ph) And if you don’t get that one just buy this one. It’s there. Maybe you go and bid on it. Who knows? That’s just timing. That’s just timing with...

THERAPIST: So you’re going in tomorrow?

CLIENT. Ya. I’ll see you Monday.

THERAPIST: I’ll see you Monday. So next week Monday and Thursday and I am out the following week. The week seventh, the fourth of the 13th. The back of the 14th is the one that] (ph) All right! Ya! Good luck tomorrow. 00:52:10

CLIENT: Thanks man. Ya. Live some shit up.

THERAPIST: Live some shit up.

CLIENT: There we go.

THERAPIST: (laughter) It’s all right. (sounds like a door hinge squeaking)

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