TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: Let's see. I have some is that insurance related stuff (ph)?

CLIENT: Yep.

THERAPIST: OK. Yeah, things are working slightly differently than I thought. I don't know.

CLIENT: Yeah. I'm going to have to pay 50 dollars a session.

THERAPIST: No. Let's see.

CLIENT: Because my primary care physician did not refer it.

THERAPIST: No, you're good, you're good. So...

CLIENT: If you need that for reference you can. I already scanned it in for me.

THERAPIST: OK. No, I have it. Let's see. No, you're fine actually. You have to pay this much.

CLIENT: OK. So at the end doesn't it say 49 something?

THERAPIST: Yes it does but I think I told you I'm not going to bill you. I mean, you guys just don't have the...

CLIENT: OK. If we do that then let's just I was thinking about anyways bringing it down to once a week for now, if that's OK. One because of, you know, expenses but the big thing, which is not as important right now, but the other reason is that I may end up having to get a lot of physical therapy and that may very well take up a lot of time. [00:01:26]

THERAPIST: Let's see. I can explain all this in more detail or I can just say you're good, you don't have to pay anything.

CLIENT: OK, well don't worry about it for now, yeah. I may ask for it later.

THERAPIST: Sure. Yeah, I'm always happy to provide an insurance explanation at any point. You're good. (inaudible at 01:48) anyway. And, you know, they are paying out between that and the recording (ph) it's not that [far off] (ph) anyway. But in any case, I know you guys are really strapped.

CLIENT: Yeah. So I just need to figure out what date it's going to be so that we can figure out which one of the two. I really basically there is although lots of places have really fantastic physical therapy, there is a place that does it suspended in warm water. And since I have a labral tear, not weight bearing stuff would be better. They also do it, like, in saltwater so you're much more buoyant. There's a bunch of things that basically they have a lot better outcome. And so (inaudible at 02:29)

THERAPIST: That's a stranger (ph) schedule.

CLIENT: It may be covered by this is where things become really great. I was injured at work but I wasn't on the job yet, the mall.

THERAPIST: So what happened?

CLIENT: (sighs)

THERAPIST: I mean, we don't have to go into (inaudible at 02:43)

CLIENT: No no, it's OK. Actually it's something I need to talk about. I really need to talk about it.

THERAPIST: And I don't mean to (inaudible at 02:47)

CLIENT: I've been having so much arthritis flares that I've been walking funny. Just in general I'm having a very difficult time just getting around. I've been, you know, back on steroids again, blah blah blah. And the mall has been sort of notoriously bad about making sure that the by the time that employees come in it's not really all that well cleared. It's about the time the customers come in it's really well cleared.

THERAPIST: OK, I see, yeah.

CLIENT: And I fell on some ice.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 03:12) once before. Somebody else fell...

CLIENT: Yeah, one of the people I work with basically broke something (inaudible at 03:18). He's still out.

THERAPIST: Oh god.

CLIENT: And so I've been taking pictures and all this stuff and then I fell on the ice. And because I hadn't punched in, after talking with my employer, I'm almost entirely certain they're going to take care of it above and beyond it although I wasn't physically on the clock. Plus it also isn't their property it's the mall property. But now that I'm asking them to go above and beyond and go to this place doesn't take insurance at all, see where that comes in, you know. But because of the fact that I have healing issues, like, it kind of you know, I really feel like this is an important priority. This is something where they understand the situation. They, you know, they deal with this all the time. And I really, really don't want surgery on my hip, which is actually a possibility. More than a possibility, so...

THERAPIST: And the main thing is the labral tear?

CLIENT: Yep, which is, like, basically the equivalent of, like, a rotator cuff but it's in your hip.

THERAPIST: In your hip, yeah.

CLIENT: And I guess the big thing is that they may have to do surgery because when you heal, as you're working on it you may very well get these what are called they're micro they're very tiny scarring and these micro tears when the scarring happens and this kind of thing. And so sometimes they have to go back and (inaudible at 04:36) everything after you heal. It's kind of like having your bone set after its set wrong. And it's funny because when they told this to me I've got a pretty strong stomach for a lot of things and boy I felt light in the head when they told me what they might have to do.

THERAPIST: You mean...

CLIENT: In terms of debriding the area oh yeah. It's pretty gory.

THERAPIST: It's where they just take out a bunch of the cartilage?

CLIENT: Yeah and then they grind down the bone and rescrew a bunch of stuff in with the bone crews. That's the nice way of saying it, yeah.

THERAPIST: It's not that nice.

CLIENT: No. So...

THERAPIST: Oh gosh (ph).

CLIENT: Yeah. So it's been really -

THERAPIST: That's awful.

CLIENT: Today is the first day that actually the sidewalks have been, like, really truly clear. So it's been like, before I was on two honest to goodness crutches. And so crutches on ice has been just like, yeah, impossible to get around. But yeah. And to make things more complicated actually, it's funny because I went and got the mail before I left. Did I ever tell you that I was involved in a situation where there was a guy with a gun on the bus?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: And how he had been sort of intimidating me for a long time now?

THERAPIST: Yeah, yeah.

CLIENT: Well, I got asked to testify at his court date. And now I am really actually I would not have stood my ground and stared back and him and did this whole, like, "you're not going to scare me" thing, except for the fact that he his offenses were things like firearm violence with three prior violent acts, is what they're saying that he's up for.

THERAPIST: What is it?

CLIENT: Basically he's had three prior violent acts.

THERAPIST: Oh my god.

CLIENT: Yeah. And that's the reason, like, yeah, along with the firearm without, like, possession, you know, without a car (ph) and all that kind of stuff. And like, you know, I really shouldn't have, like, did this "I'm not afraid of you thing." So now I feel kind of stupid for doing that.

THERAPIST: Oh my god. When is the court date?

CLIENT: March 11th, which I actually probably can't make it. I'll have to call and find out about it. See if I can just do a deposition...

THERAPIST: I guess that would keep him off the bus.

CLIENT: I hope so. Honestly though, if he's been out, like, three times already for violent acts, I'm not really, like, feeling all that comfortable about, like, him actually staying in jail [this time] (ph). That's actually one -

THERAPIST: I thought he was going up for all that stuff now.

CLIENT: No no, he's done firearm (ph) before after having three prior acts.

THERAPIST: I see. (inaudible at 07:30)

CLIENT: Yep. So I probably wouldn't have stood my ground if I'd known that but it is what it is. But, you know, so it's been sort of a, as you can imagine, kind of really hard few weeks. The good thing, I think, is that we're going to be taking a vacation, sort of.

THERAPIST: Oh good.

CLIENT: Mike's best friend's wife is throwing his best friend Rowland's wife is throwing a...

THERAPIST: Is this the guy he grew up with?

CLIENT: Yeah, the guy he grew up with who's more of a brother than any biological (relation). She's throwing a surprise birthday party for him and so she's helping us get down for the surprise birthday party. It'll be nice. I'm not a huge fan of Kentucky it's OK but in early March it is a lot warmer than it is here.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 08:29)

CLIENT: Which will be nice to, you know. Plus this is not a family although we probably have to visit his father, this is not a family-oriented visit, so it's not nearly as stressful to me. So they have been so freaking mysterious and shitty over the past few weeks that's it just not, you know. I'm not sure really how much I want to deal with it [at all] (ph).

His mom sent mysterious letters. Mysterious in terms of, like I don't know what in the world she thinks, like, how stupid we are. She sent out a letter, like, with her own handwriting but with no return address. Like, we know that's from her. I don't know if she just thought that, like, I was going to throw it away so this would get to Mike, I don't know. With, like, a mysterious, like, letter, this thing or this card for his birthday that said something along the lines of it had, like, this polar bear sleeping on the ice and saying something like this, "Somebody who likes to take naps just like you. Love, mom." Which is bizarre. I mean, really bizarre. Because first of all, if she even knew him, he actually doesn't take naps he gets crankier after taking a nap because he's one of those people where that, like, it's a full sleep cycle or not and it's been like that all of his life. So it's not even like I'm trying to, like, find something cute to say that is, like, kind of...

THERAPIST: Right. It would even be a little weird if that was true. But it's not even true, which makes it even weirder or vastly weird. Incredible (ph). [00:10:11]

CLIENT: Yeah. And we're like, "Is this, like, supposed to be, like, some sort of thing to, like, get back in touch? If so, you know, we're not really putting a whole lot of energy into this," you know. Because it just doesn't if there was an "I'm sorry I have been so out of touch." Even if I didn't say, "I'm sorry that I'm sorry that I did something wrong but I've been out of touch. Love, mom."

THERAPIST: Yeah, sure, that would be surprising and awesome.

CLIENT: Yeah. That's about as much as we could ever, ever like, she's never said she's wrong about anything. But that would be, like, as much as would ever happen, you know. But, you know, it's just like I'm just so glad to be able to go down and see Rowland and see Bernard and meet their new baby, who is now five. (laughter) Yeah.

THERAPIST: Has it been that long since you've seen the (inaudible at 11:03)?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Is this a big birthday?

CLIENT: Forty. And we're really excited about this. They're doing this there's some sort of museum that's, like, in an old converted barn down there and so he's thinking that he's going to the museum and there's going to be this big surprise birthday party. That's going to (inaudible at 11:25) really awesome.

THERAPIST: Sounds (ph) terrific. When's that?

CLIENT: That is the we're leaving I should probably tell you this so you'd know the dates because I won't be here.

(long pause)

CLIENT: It's Thursday the 7th through the 12th. So basically I would definitely miss the one on the 7th and the one on the 12th.

THERAPIST: OK. 7th of March...

CLIENT: March, yeah. I'm sorry.

THERAPIST: It's OK. And what do you want to do about the near term? Are we on for...

CLIENT: Yeah, we'll just do it for the near term for now, that way I can figure things out. Near time being that...

THERAPIST: So I guess what I'm asking is, like, so next we're meeting Tuesday and Thursday?

CLIENT: We'll do Tuesday and Thursday because I haven't been in and...

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 13:14)

CLIENT: Yeah. So...

THERAPIST: That's next week. And the following week you'll be out the Thursday.

CLIENT: Yes, but I will be in the 5th.

THERAPIST: Right. So we'll meet on the 5th and then not for the 12th and absolutely (ph) on the 14th.

CLIENT: Yes. And hopefully by the 14th I'll know more about what's going on because I need to heal before I start doing all that stuff. So...

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 13:43)

CLIENT: And need be, I can e-mail you all that stuff too.

THERAPIST: You know, if you don't mind.

CLIENT: No no no no, I'll e-mail it to you when I get home that way (pause) [that way] (ph) that all gets settled in. But yeah, so we'll be out of town for that. You know, it's just nice to get away and all that. So then we'll probably since I think his dad is picking us up from the airport they'll be some family obligations but not like this is not going to be centered around a family trip. They know that this is for this reason and therefore, like, aren't going to do anything. And I don't think his dad his dad is he's not the kind of person that would, like, do this whole thing of, like, having his sister show up where we are just to try and make things better. He's not like that. Not because he's necessarily morally better than that I just don't think he actually thinks about that kind of stuff.

Now, if it were like a holiday or something like that, they may have been like, "Oh, you invited her and invited us but didn't tell us both." But there wouldn't be like a contrived, "OK, so we're inviting you guys to kind of dinner and Kerry and not telling you." It would be something like it's Father's Day or it's Easter and I didn't tell you. And that would just because, I don't know, he wouldn't think that, "Oh, I'm going to put them together and they're going to make up."

THERAPIST: Right. He would be sort of thoughtful enough to try and make that happen.

CLIENT: Yes. And we do discuss that if he does somehow this sort of happens, whether or not on purpose or not, they're just being polite, you know. That's just what, you know they're not going to be, you know, like, "Oh, I'm not going to talk to you. We're going to leave." We're just basically pretending like we're being polite to people we just don't know very well, you know. Because we don't know them very well, you know, which is, you know, 100 percent true.

But it's nice to have something to look forward to, to get out of town for a while, that kind of thing. I have a lot of silly but not nearly as strong but definitely silly, like, worries about the whole thing. But they're pretty shallow, if that makes sense. Mostly just not looking the same way that I used to, that kind of thing? Feeling bad about that. It's a very image-centered town. And I don't necessarily think that our friends are shallow or anything like that but I just I did (ph) feel more confident when I look better. But, you know, that's just kind of the way things are.

(sighs) But I just (ph), I don't know. Looking forward to getting out of town, even if like, it's not going to bother me enough to keep me from going. I know people that, like, would not do something until they looked the way that they (inaudible at 16:49) that kind of thing. Besides I have way too many other things to stress me out, you know, about. Yeah, so that's pretty much been the big thing right now, is fighting against the problems of the accident and before that the arthritis, that kind of thing.

I already (inaudible at 17:19) back to work. One, because I needed to. I wasn't really certain how much is paid for when, you know, you're part time, et cetera, that kind of thing. Personally because I just kind of needed to get out of the house at that point. Mike's back in, like, this slump (ph) that's really horrible and I know a lot of it was because his birthday was on Saturday and there was sort of like we discussed long before (inaudible at 17:50) birthday because the weather was just crud, you know. It's was impossible to get out, all this other stuff, so he went out and gamed for a while with his buddies and that was about it.

THERAPIST: Mmmm?

CLIENT: It's in general. I mean, we have a lot of conversations about this. In general, his family has never really had a significant celebrations of special events anyways, which is why I've been we were discussing this too because I'm like, "You know, if we want to go out for dinner later on, that's fine. But if you want to order something and have it delivered too, you can do that." And he's like, "But," you know. And it's funny because in his house, if you got to pick anything that means that you didn't get to do anything again. You get something, like, if you would get McDonald's, that's your birthday dinner, instead of going somewhere nice.

And so it was very hard for him to and it's silly, I know, but (pause) it's, you know, old habits. And so he's like, "Yeah, I don't really want to do anything because I don't want to waste it." I'm like, "Well, yeah. But..."

THERAPIST: Right, but that's not how it works.

CLIENT: Yeah. This is not, like, your last meal before you're becoming executed or anything like that. So in general just learning more and more about, like, you know. Slowly learning about, like, the (inaudible at 19:29). He doesn't have a whole lot of memories instilled (ph) from his childhood yet but just, you know.

THERAPIST: Yeah, and then as a way things emerge is, like, something happens like that where he acts a little funny. And you ask him about it and then it emerges what used to happen.

CLIENT: He doesn't remember much about it but he knows that, like, you know. And it still was defaulted if something that mom didn't like, if it was (inaudible at 19:49) she didn't like, she still said no, that kind of thing. Like, if she, you know if it was, you know if he wanted Mexican and she didn't like Mexican. I'm just making this part up because they love Mexican restaurants down there. You know, and she didn't like it, then there would be like, "Oh yeah, well you can have anything from you know, you can have whatever you want as long as it's the color black, you know, equivalent."

But I don't think that much of it's ever going to be recovered. I don't know. I think that it's almost like the recording was off. It's not even just, like, repressed memories. It's like you can't make memories because if you remember anything at all then, you know...

THERAPIST: Yeah, probably more like dissociation. It's probably actually there he probably just doesn't have access to it. (inaudible at 20:35) disorganized and dissociated. And it's probably memorable but that'd be a lot of work.

CLIENT: Yeah. I don't know. I don't necessarily know if he will or he won't. I don't know. A lot of this though it's, like, most of the stuff that's going on, it's I mean, everything's so secretive that I don't necessarily know the information that was going on, like, he necessarily knows about, you know. It's always a trip trying to take him to the doctors. I can at least level with my doctors and say, you know, when they ask me questions about, like, health and I explain that, you know, my mother's side of the family, you go the hospital if you're really dying to get really bad TB or (laughter) something else.

So I don't really have a strong, like, you know, family history about certain things. That's just not, you know. For him it's more along the lines of well, no one bothered to tell him, you know. [00:21:35]

THERAPIST: How have your sort of days, like, just daily stuff been affected by your hip?

CLIENT: It's been pretty bad. The big thing is that since he's in a slump he didn't even get out the house until 11:00 am today and yesterday either. Like, because of the fact that, like, I am resting and he's now resting too. More or less he's sitting on the computer while I'm sleeping and so it's like I have to get up to do it's just really, really rotten. Like, for a while there I actually get to the bathroom on my own, which was pretty bad. It was mostly because of the fact that the way the house is laid out. It was not it's just because it's harder to get into the bathroom, you know, that kind of thing.

But to be honest, you know, I've just been wanting to sleep. I haven't really been taking that much pain medicine not because it's a moral thing or anything like that or actually being concerned about having to be dependent on it as much as the fact that they just make me very, very spacey and very, very cranky. And so I just it didn't really benefit me that much at all. [00:22:54]

THERAPIST: Have you been in a lot of pain?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Is the tear painful or is it more the arthritis? Or is it...

CLIENT: A little bit of both. Actually there's three things...

THERAPIST: Probably a lot of both, yeah.

CLIENT: It is the tear that is painful. Then there's the arthritis. But on top of that, because of the fact that until two days ago I was still on crutches, I also was having a lot of the strain and muscle pain from having to adjust using crutches and having to relay my weight onto my bicep by using crutches. Yep. The act of one thing was hurting other things. So it's been a lot of things like...

I haven't really like you (ph) said, it's not even just, like, feeling myself. I just really (pause) I understand part of it's normal but it's very grumpy, you know. Like, nothing will make me happy so, like, the whole thing of just leave me alone, like, the concept of just leave me alone, I'm going to be unhappy, go out of the house. I will be just as unhappy as if you're here, you know, so you might as well not be in the firing range of that. You know, that kind of thing? [00:24:16]

THERAPIST: You know it's not rational to think you're pissed about having regret (ph) that something happen?

CLIENT: Yeah, I'm very pissed. I'm extremely bitter. I am bitter because the mall doesn't seem to give a fuck about the employees. It's been like that for a long time though. The mall itself doesn't care.

THERAPIST: Right. You'd think (inaudible at 24:40) fell and...

CLIENT: Oh, there have been lots of falls. There are been the two or three major ones from my store. According to some people, which I actually believe might be true, that we pay more in rent than the rest of the stores together.

THERAPIST: Wow.

CLIENT: Because you have to pay part of what you sell, like, your revenue. Part of your rent is the cost of the revenue. So I believe that that is maybe a stretch but quite possibly true or close to being true. You know, that they just don't care. I am (pause) bitter at lots of things related to that. Partially it's the fact that management wasn't very good at dropping everything and taking care of things when it needed to be done right. That's OK. I'm kind of pissed off at my dad about this whole thing.

THERAPIST: [How's that] (ph)?

CLIENT: So I texted him from the emergency room, because I was by myself in the emergency room. And I'm like, "Can you please, like, call management and, like, make some threats or something about the ice?" And I know he doesn't like to do this. He really doesn't like to do this but I really wish that he would, which is basically more or less instead of being somebody's parent who's calling, being somebody's parent who's an attorney who's calling saying exactly how liable they are for this kind of stuff. And he really didn't. And we talked about it. He doesn't like to do that. He never likes to do it. In fact, he finds it obnoxious when attorneys do that. [00:26:16]

But quite honestly, two days later, "No more salting again, you know. We're putting down sand again," if that, you know. And...

THERAPIST: Will you sue them?

CLIENT: No. I have been raised never to sue unless it is something really, really bad, like loss of limbs, that kind of thing. But I do agree with it. I really believe that there is far, far too much court activity, you know what I mean? And so I don't think that there's anything to be accomplished by it, you know. If I honestly thought that they would start taking care of the property, I'd totally do it. But that's just asking for money and that may or may not actually do anything. [00:27:17]

THERAPIST: Well it would help I'm not trying to [make a case] (ph) for you to do it but it would help to compensate you for the pain, suffering and loss of income from having this happen, which happened since they were negligent.

CLIENT: Yeah. Well, I mean, technically I haven't lost any income because I hauled my ass back into work and went back to work. But I have been taken care of medically. I just don't feel like there's a price on pain. Money has never made me happier when I've been in pain, if that makes sense. It would make me happier I terms of the, like, the problems we have right now. But that's not the same thing. I mean, that's the wrong..

THERAPIST: I think I see your point, sort of.

CLIENT: You know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Kind of. Maybe. (inaudible at 28:08) I mean...

CLIENT: Yeah, it's hard to explain. The money if I had a situation, and this may be very different. It may happen differently. For example, I may very well, if I can't get this physical therapy stuff, sue them to get that paid for that's different. If I end up having to make an adjustment to my life forever or even for a few months, again, I may do that for that. But...

THERAPIST: Right, you wouldn't say, "God, it would really make our lives easier in various ways to have some more money and this happen. So even though our lives our going to be harder this way, in the same ways had this not happened, I will kind of take advantage of it."

CLIENT: Exactly.

THERAPIST: That is what you do not want to do.

CLIENT: That's exactly what I do not want to do. And, you know, like I said, if there's something where I need to make an adjustment to my life, like I need to get a ramp into the house or something like that, that's perfectly OK. I am totally OK with that. But the idea of trading money for pain? To me, and I'm not saying other people can't view it that way, but I just don't feel like it's right. I'm in pain all the time anyway. There's no dollar amount that really makes it better. [00:29:27]

To me also some people feel as if it basically it makes it less unpalatable, I guess. You know, makes it more comforting.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 29:36) I can imagine is that, you know, if somebody were to give you a million dollars, it wouldn't ameliorate one iota the pain in your hip but it would ameliorate your stress and would probably allow you some conveniences, which would probably decrease your sort of pain and suffering overall.

CLIENT: Possibly.

THERAPIST: But...

CLIENT: I really could see this happening where, like, if I were to for some reason end up with a million dollars over this, paying a separate, like, landscaping company to come and salt the walks and giving the rest of it away. I mean, seriously. That's really what I want, is I want them to clear the ice. And the thing that really actually kind of pisses me off and I've got pictures of this actually. I feel like I'm always demonstrating with pictures. But this was just the two days after a day or two after I got back (pause) so the day that I actually got hurt, my husband rented a car and came up to get me. So what they did was they put, like, caution tape everywhere.

OK, that's kind of OK. That's fine, whatever. But then the next day I come back and I can't actually get around it on crutches because it extends, you know, 20 feet into the street. Like, how the hell am I supposed to get over that, you know, to get into my job again? They don't care. So that's kind of like a (pause) and, like I said, as much I'm saying this kind of thing, you know, my coworker Mark I'm like, "You know what, you can have all the pictures I have. If there's anything you can do to help me with this. If you want to sue them, great," you know. I think that that, you know, that's fine. I'm more than willing to that kind of thing and I am perfectly willing to document in the event that something does come along. [00:31:47]

But I've just never been so (pause) never been willing to take advantage of a wind fall kind of thing like that, you know? And I don't know, it's just one of those sort of those things, like I said, that there really isn't maybe it's true that [they will meet] (ph) certain things that will make it less stressful on me but I still feel like trying to put pain you know, as a person who deals with chronic pain anyways, trying to put pain for money is stupid for me in my head because there's just nothing that will do it, you know.

THERAPIST: You mean because no amount of money ever really has anything to do with how much you're hurting?

CLIENT: Yeah. You know, there's no amount of money I can spend in my life to make the pain go away.

THERAPIST: [Like getting a new car to help clean the house] (ph)?

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. And the thing is that, I mean, I have also, because I grew up in a very fortunate lifestyle with many people around me, I also have a complete and total clear vision that money doesn't, you know, money doesn't solve problems but also it sometimes causes new ones, you know. And (pause) it is, you know, (sighs) as a person who, like, regularly got threats put on my car because I had a handicap tag, I know exactly, like, what (inaudible at 33:29) no matter how good life could get there will always be something to make life more stressful for you.

And, you know, if you get a new car then we have to figure out where to park it, you know, then we have to do this, you know. No matter what you do there's always something else behind it that makes it more complicated. And I don't mean to sound like (pause) a certain amount of despair as much as I just realized that things are never that simple, you know. It's never that simple.

And, you know, if I had someone coming in to, like, come clean the house well then there's other things I have to do. I mean, I grew up with household help so I know that there's a lot of other things that are complications around that too, you know. And so, you know. I mean, if I have the ability to do so, great. But it's not solving the problems, you know. So, that being said if my mom would, like, send her cleaning lady up to my house for a few weeks I'd still be OK with that. (laughter) The problem is I don't speak any Russian so I don't think we could communicate. It's not that I don't speak any. I don't speak anything that would be useful to speak to a cleaning lady. Not unless she wants to have a conversation about sharks or something. All of my words are things that a six year old would want to know, like rhinoceros and sharks and stuff.

But, you know, it's just kind of the way it is. And I said I'm willing to have my mind changed on that just right now I'm not. And right now they don't really have a clear knowledge of what's going on yet. So if it is a situation where because of the tear I'm going to have pain for the rest of my life, maybe. You know, that might be something different, you know. We'll see. Everybody at work has been really, really about, like, doing stuff. Most of the time they're like, "Are you sure you want to be doing this?" And it's so funny because I'm like, "Yeah, I'm not really at work, you know, as, like, a sense of loyalty to the company as much as I want to not get divorced over, like, you know, squabbling over being around the house all the time." Because he was home for the long weekend also, for President's Day. I was like, "Yep, if I don't go to work I'm going to be staring at him and he's going to be sitting there going, ‘I wish I knew what to do but I can't.'" [00:36:06]

But, you know, for the most part they've been pretty supportive about the whole thing. So we'll just see. Like I said, I don't really know about the details yet because...

THERAPIST: [Do they restrict much] (ph) what you can do at work?

CLIENT: Yeah. For a few days that I did it, I basically sat myself down and I had all my customers come to me, instead of me finding them. It depends. Like, right now I need to go out shopping for some cargo pants because when I'm fixing small technology right now, which I still want to do, I think that it cognitively breaks up my day instead of just constantly teaching. Having couple of hours fixing things really helps. But since I'm doing it, like, on the floor and I don't necessarily have the extra hands, I think that that would be really helpful. But they're not necessarily I mean, the word restrict is about being open, you know, whether or not you're being open-minded about things. Yes, I would when I was on both crutches, it was very difficult to fix things, especially replacing screens and stuff. Now that I'm only really, you know, with my cane, probably not. But I do definitely need to make sure that I have, like, something to be able to carry stuff because I still only have one hand. [00:37:23]

But, yeah. There's a couple of things I'd normally do. We have a thing that's called open training, which is more or less kind of like a study hall thing. I haven't been doing that at all because it involves, like, running around back and forth to people as they need help. It's more about mobility than, you know, anything. So I haven't been doing that. But, you know, in general they've been really helpful. I'm actually really surprised because the two people that usually take of me right now are in Dubai right now. So they're a bunch of management that I don't know that well. So luckily it seems that, you know, Sandy and Heidi taught them well in terms of how to treat their employees, you know. [00:38:10]

One of my like, the person who took the best care of me at work as a boss, Sandy, has left to go. But her and my other boss had sort of long story short, Sandy's been doing this around the world trip [and stuff] (ph). Like, every couple of months she's been going to a couple of different cities. She's going through a mid-life crisis and just had her husband dump her because she's infertile. Indian culture, that's kind of a problem, yeah.

THERAPIST: I see. How old is she?

CLIENT: My age. And so he left her and is having another arranged marriage. Adoption or other things like that I mean, she went through the whole, like, IDF thing (sneezes) culturally is not accepted right now. (sneezes) It was kind of interesting too. Because the state would require her to liquidate or account and do all this stuff, she's like, "Screw that. He just left me because I can't have babies. So I'm going to spend as much as I can of it before it gets liquidated and split." So all of her stock got liquidated and now she's going around the world. Which is kind of awesome. I mean, normally it sounds mean to be spiteful like that but having that happen...

THERAPIST: He kind of deserves it?

CLIENT: Yeah. I don't think he should be (inaudible at 39:40) to that money while still, like, wanting to have somebody it's already arranged. The divorce isn't over. He's got a 25 year old bride lined up that's coming over from somewhere that's more than happy to get the green card. So, yeah. Back when my grandmother had an arranged marriage, it was not like that. I know it's a cultural thing. It isn't just arranged marriages in general. It's a cultural thing in general. It was not like that at all. Because if my grandmother couldn't have kids it would not have been like that.

And so she's just it's really nice actually right now because I've been getting, like she just sent me a picture from Asia like saying, "I hear you're under the weather, blah blah blah. Here's the year of the snake pictures," that kind of thing. It's really nice actually. I like getting (pause) I really love hearing about people's good news. I'm not the kind of person that gets angry and bitter because this person's having things go well. I just love back (ph) because it takes me away from my life a little bit, you know.

But that's been pretty much the overview of what things have been going on lately, you know. It's been really rough. It's been it's really rough.

THERAPIST: You're just sort of, like, working hard and trying not to feel too down and trying to focus on the positive things but it's been extremely difficult.

CLIENT: This is (inaudible at 41:25) my staying away from doctors thing (ph).

THERAPIST: We need (ph) to stop for now.

CLIENT: I will see you on Tuesday.

THERAPIST: See you on Tuesday. You need a hand with anything?

CLIENT: I will eventually. Let me get my [purse though] (ph).

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