TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: 15 minutes of sitting and waiting here because people are just being absolute ….

THERAPIST: Oh, okay, yeah. (inaudible)

CLIENT: Yeah, I should find a different route here. Anyways…

THERAPIST: You made it.

CLIENT: I made it.

THERAPIST: So…

CLIENT: Oh shit! I forgot that letter. I'm sorry.

THERAPIST: It's okay. Do you just want to e-mail me the number tonight?

CLIENT: Yeah can you e-mail me a reminder?

THERAPIST: Yes let me make a note (laughter).

CLIENT: I would e-mail myself but my phone is out of battery right now.

THERAPIST: Gotcha. It's probably not an iPhone?

CLIENT: No.

THERAPIST: I was going to say you could plug it in…

CLIENT: It's an android phone. I don't know if it's a matter of savvy maybe more opinionated (chuckles). [1:17] And honestly given the things I do with my phone there would be no difference between the iPhone and the android, it's not as if I'm…I don't play many games and I certainly don't use it for development and I don't do anything weird or unusual with it, mostly just e-mail, twitter, the occasional game but on principle Apple's attitude about the walled garden pisses me off so I don't Apple products ever.

THERAPIST: Sure. I imagine like would engineers take you seriously if you walked in with an Apple product?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Oh really. I thought that was a pretty…

CLIENT: No I know a lot of engineers who only use Apple products.

THERAPIST: I will e-mail you and I think I have this right, we're now meeting tomorrow?

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: We'll meet the next couple Fridays?

CLIENT: Yeah. (pause) I had a concert last night. My friend Cricket who was at the concert but I didn't want people to know that I had paid for the concert, did I tell you about this? The Kickstarter award for a project I really believed it so I backed them at the highest level which is $200?

THERAPIST: Right, for Mark to play?

CLIENT: Yeah. [2:51] But of course you're introduced as the person who made the concert happen to everyone who showed up and that was terribly awkward. Then the concert wasn't even any good.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: Yeah I had never heard the band that played, I only heard Mark singing solo while playing the guitar.

THERAPIST: I see, he's sort of friends with the band?

CLIENT: He is the band's composer and bass player.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: Yeah but he's not a vocalist for the band, I don't know why because he has a beautiful voice but…yeah the drummer was bad, the piano player was a good piano player but the music was kind of dull and boring, he wasn't given much to work with and the vocalist was just pretty terrible (chuckles). I feel bad saying that. (pause) [4:06] Well it was an experience; all my friends got copies of Mark's book. (pause) [5:21] [6:38]

THERAPIST: I wonder if in a way you felt like a little relieved that it was bad in that…it makes you feel so crummy, like kind of what we were talking about yesterday, like talentless, boring, patroned, ugly sort of creative, talented, exciting artists…

CLIENT: Mm hmm.

THERAPIST: Which sucks.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So in that sense…I wonder if it was a bit of a relief?

CLIENT: Maybe, I don't know. [8:07] Cricket hosted the concert because her house is just really well laid out for house concerts.

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: And she has two cats and hasn't vacuumed in a week and they were shedding because it's hot out and yeah…

THERAPIST: You were sniffling because they were shedding?

CLIENT: Yeah I took allergy meds; in fact I took them twice as often as really I ought to have. You know, the safety of my liver but…but yeah I'm still stuffed up from that.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I hate them. (pause) [9:17] I'm sorry I just feel sleepy right now.

THERAPIST: Does it go away?

CLIENT: Yeah. I really need to get my act together and find a doctor because I'm out of Ambien finally, I've been rationing it.

THERAPIST: Mm hmm…a doctor like, who prescribed it, your PCP or psychiatrist?

CLIENT: Either really, just I haven't gone to the PCP, I haven't had a physical in years. [10:57] It's really intimidating. (pause) Maybe I'll do that tomorrow morning, (inaudible) I have tomorrow off work so I could deal with various stuff before the convention, did I mention it? It's this weekend, it starts tonight actually but I'm not planning on showing up until about five tomorrow afternoon. It's a science fiction fan convention centered around books for TV and movies. I have mixed feelings about it. The board has in the past been really horribly, overtly racist to misogamists but last year there was a hostile takeover of the board by some of my friends and they promised things were better but a lot of the people who go are also like normal human beings. I'm only going because a bunch of friends of mine came from out of town, from across the Atlantic…Yeah I want to get my press's website up before so I have something to point authors to when I say "I want you to send me your stories." But I have to get a lot of stuff together, all of that and also decided to use the fact that I have a whole days' worth of being free during business hours to do regular dental appointments and eye appointments and get my car tuned up and all that. [12:56] I tried to arrange for a physical but you know the two places I called just laughed in my face and told me I should know better than to expect to make an appointment, new patient appointment, on two weeks' notice. They were booked up until November and they were really rude and condescending to me on the phone. I don't understand how we can have more doctors per capita than anywhere else in the world here and not be able to get an appointment for a physical. It's just…I called the dentist office and said I wanted to book a cleaning and check and they said "We can get you in this afternoon if your free," it's like (inaudible), Friday in two weeks. (laughter) They were like "Sure we have no appointments then, what time would you like?" I don't know why it's so hard to see a doctor in this town, it's ridiculous. But yeah it was really demoralizing and upsetting. (pause) [14:22] Then when I first started seeing you, you gave me a list of psychiatrists who you've worked with before, there were six of them and five of them just weren't taking new patients and then those ones just gave me a really icky feeling, I didn't like them.

THERAPIST: On the phone or did you meet them?

CLIENT: I met with them.

THERAPIST: Oh okay.

CLIENT: And he was completely unwilling to meet me before ten a.m. or after four p.m. which makes it ridiculously inconvenient for me.

THERAPIST: Sure. I don't know him well, I've just shared patients with him but I've never got the…it's good for me to know.

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean I suspect he would be fine for many people but you know…He had a very paternalistic attitude which did not interact with my particular set of issues. [15:52]

THERAPIST: Mm hmm. (pause)

CLIENT: Possibly I should be looking for providers further out because then I could just go on my lunch break and that would be much easier. I have (inaudible) but it's easier to find who are friendly and probably family providers in the city than out in the suburbs but it might be completely unfair of me but…

THERAPIST: I know somebody who I do know really well…you might like, he's out in Concord, he's very (inaudible). Let me call and ask him, I'll e-mail you later on.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: (mumbled talking) [17:08] (pause) I need to call (talking to self)

CLIENT: Mm hmm. (pause) [18:19] [19:40]

THERAPIST: I guess a little bit with the concert, it seems to me like you're not feeling (pause), I'm actually wondering in part because what you're describing is other people fucking up, I mean in a way even with like the construction and also the bookstore and PCP's, not only are they mysteriously unavailable but they're also (inaudible) by…

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You've taken time off, you've made the calls and like you sort of done your part.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And I think, it doesn't sound like you intended so much to sort of being critical of them for the sake of running them down but that it allays your anxiety to feel like the one who's been more responsible and more on top of things.

CLIENT: Maybe. [21:21] (pause) [22:40]

THERAPIST: I wonder if it does?

CLIENT: Uh huh.

THERAPIST: Um…(pause) It seems like your also saying, it also may be in some way about things here, ways that like…the space that you need is not being created or available to you by other people.

CLIENT: Mm hmm.

THERAPIST: Um (pause) Like getting here, Cricket's house or the doctor or the psychiatrist or…[24:08] Maybe part of what it is to me is…I'm trying to, something about how I don't make this easier or more welcoming, more inviting, more something for you in a way that kind of facilitates things here. (pause)

CLIENT: I don't follow that logic. I'm sorry.

THERAPIST: (laughs) Logic, what logic?

CLIENT: Because like various situations where I feel I'm welcome elsewhere in my life that because we like parallel stories and narratives and I also feel uncomfortable here, just because it makes the nerves parallel, like…

THERAPIST: Well it's not just (laughter)…

CLIENT: I'm sorry, if I'm misunderstanding please like…

THERAPIST: No, no I…I do like parallel stories but I also generally like to connect them with things that I have observed directly or that we've talked about are going on here. Sometimes it can be difficult to talk or I guess one thing I have in mind is the situation where you're invited to improvise and we've talked about that, mostly because it's difficult for you.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You know, like you're piano teacher isn't being unreasonable, he's just asking something piano teachers ask which is "Hey go ahead and improvise. Let's hear what you got," it's okay, you know. But because that's not true or that he's being a jerk is that that's hard for you to do and I could've imagine the way it feels, like he's putting you in an illustration, that somehow he said "Okay, why don't you improvise for thirty seconds and then we'll talk about it. Here are some guidelines and structure, why don't you work with those?" [27:06] Kind of the equivalent of me asking you questions…

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Is that okay?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Does it help?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Okay (laughter) but anyway in terms of my logic I guess I like parallel stories but I generally also like to connect them, I think that either it feels to me or that we've talked about relating to what happens in here. Sometimes there are parallels to the stories but the feel is very different from what's going on here or sometimes what's going on here reflects a different facet of the story then what we're referring to out there. Does that make sense?

CLIENT: Mm hmm.

THERAPIST: Does that answer your question?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Okay and also I guess I should elaborate a little bit on (inaudible). [28:16] Unfortunately we should stop.

CLIENT: I'm sorry I was so late. I will do better next week.

THERAPIST: I will see you then.

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