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BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: Good morning.

THERAPIST: Hi.

(Pause): [00:00:20 00:00:22]

CLIENT: I was in a hurry today and didn't get (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:00:33 00:00:40]

CLIENT: Yeah, it's like the third time and I'm like, 'do we have any like do I have a coffee mug that I can carry with me?" It's like I went to the cabinet and (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:00:45 00:00:59]

CLIENT: I ran into Dr. Hoffsteder (sp?) yesterday. She said some very nice things about you.

THERAPIST: Oh, that's nice.

CLIENT: Yeah. And she is -

THERAPIST: I can't imagine why, but that's very (unclear).

CLIENT: She seems very pleased about -

THERAPIST: (inaudible).

CLIENT: Yeah. (inaudible). She suggested I make some diet changes like not eat only pasta and bread. So I'm thinking about that.

(Pause): [00:01:44 00:02:12]

CLIENT: I feel like, well, it's the next thing to try. So, I should try it. But -

(Pause): [00:02:25 00:02:31]

CLIENT: I don't know. Except going on diets because I couldn't do it without shaming myself constantly. Like I don't know how to. I don't know how to say that what I eat is important without beating myself up in my head constantly.

(Pause): [00:02:59 00:03:26]

CLIENT: Then trying to talk to James about it didn't do very well at all. Basically, it devolved into him saying that nutritional science is an actual science, which I agree with. I absolutely agree with, but I'm kind of past the idea that science is really what I'm going for here. (Laughing)

THERAPIST: (Laughs) It sounds like it's a (unclear) on your mental health list. (Laughs)

CLIENT: Yep. (Laughs) That just wasn't the conversation I wanted to have. The conversation I did want to have which was we eat together all the time so this would be a big deal for you, too. Like, if that's something you wanted to do or support me in it or whatever and -

THERAPIST: What is the situation? Like I'm just saying we never really talk about, I don't think, do you pretty much just eat bread and pasta, then? I don't know how -

CLIENT: Yeah. (Laughs) I eat like toast for breakfast pretty much every day. And then I usually don't eat lunch. And then we have like a big dinner, which is like it depends on the day of the week. I eat meat like three times a week, maybe. And a lot of starches.

THERAPIST: Fruits and vegetables?

CLIENT: Not that many of them. I work on them. Yeah. But -

THERAPIST: I'm really just asking.

CLIENT: Yeah, I know. But that's the thing. Like I can't talk about it without getting angry at myself.

THERAPIST: I see. Are you defensive? And is it how much is money a factor and -

CLIENT: So it's more of a factor because we basically only eat local food and we only buy from local stores so we shop, which is a hell of an expensive but like super good, you know, they have amazing, amazing food. But not cheap and like -

THERAPIST: Stuff that's downtown? Is there one around here?

CLIENT: It's the one like up how can I (unclear)?

THERAPIST: Somewhere in Andover.

CLIENT: Somewhere in Andover. Yeah. We shop at the main store.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Is there a food store in (unclear)?

THERAPIST: There used to be one, I think.

CLIENT: Oh, okay. Yeah.

THERAPIST: It's an institution there, I think.

CLIENT: No, we go to the one that (unclear). Yeah, I read the website. I think the Andover location is like the first one, but it's pretty small.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I know there's one in Andover and then like we shop at like the co-op and the square and there's a little grocery store on (unclear). So we spend a lot of money on food.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: So, I don't know how much, like I also don't quite know how much money we spend on food. So, it's like it's a factor, but it's not the biggest factor.

(Pause): [00:07:39 00:07:51]

CLIENT: A lot of it also is that like James does pretty much all of the shopping and probably more than half the cooking. For a long time he was doing all the cooking and I don't know. I feel like I that's something he started doing, basically because if it were up to me I just wouldn't eat, ever. Like I wasn't, I couldn't do it. I definitely ate like frozen meals for a good year and a half, solid. Like that's all I ate.

THERAPIST: Before James moved here?

CLIENT: Yeah. And so I feel like bringing up my feeling guilty over him doing all of this and I can't I'm kind of loath to say like, okay, I need to change everything about how we eat or like he's been making sure that we eat for a long time.

THERAPIST: I see. Also, what is (unclear) recommending you change your diet for -mental health reasons or for physical health reasons?

CLIENT: For mental health reasons.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: She said that there's basically like two experimental routes that I could take. The first is to kind of move toward eating just like more whole foods, like a lot of meat, a lot of fish a lot of fruits and vegetables. Not a lot of flour basically, starch. Or I could she said that it's also possible that I have a really sensitive (inaudible) that I could see what happens. I don't know.

(Pause): [00:10:16 00:10:35]

CLIENT: You know, at this point I'm basically going with (Pause) blind trust to tell me so I do them. Like this.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: And that is not really how it works. (Laughs)

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Ordinarily that's not really how I work either.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:11:05 00:11:46]

CLIENT: I feel like (inaudible) between us. I -

(Pause): [00:11:49 00:12:15]

CLIENT: This whole thing just like makes me want to cry and I don't know why. It's not clear why it is.

(Pause): [00:12:31 00:12:44]

CLIENT: I think maybe I should (unclear) (inaudible). But we always worked together (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:12:54 00:13:36]

THERAPIST: Well, I think it has something to do with taking care of yourself or being taken care of. I mean, in a way, everything like you're not doing well enough? I think, or I think that's maybe how you're hearing it? Or you're not doing that in the right way?

CLIENT: Yeah. That's what it feels like.

THERAPIST: And so that makes you feel terribly ashamed and then I think you want James to help taking care of yourself better and at least (unclear) what you're saying is he actually is getting very focused on another point and not that one really.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And then I think you also sort of talk with me about it wanting me to help you feel better about it like, 'that's a shame,' maybe more supportive of at least your attempts at what's bothering you.

CLIENT: Yeah, I don't know what I want you to do.

(Pause): [00:15:14 00:15:22]

CLIENT: I really don't.

THERAPIST: Well, I imagine you sort of are quite ambivalent and want me to take care of you.

(Pause): [00:15:27 00:15:30]

CLIENT: Yeah, (Pause) that makes sense.

(Pause): [00:15:35 00:16:04]

THERAPIST: Part of it seems to be that when someone does it in a way that feels helpful it makes you feel horrible for having wanted it. Or, that you didn't deserve it anyway.

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:16:12 00:16:32]

CLIENT: Yeah, worse for me to have asked for it.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I guess I also feel like I do any time somebody says, 'well this might help.' You know, here's this thing that might help and so if I don't (Pause) if I don't take it up then my problems are my fault.

(Pause): [00:17:06 00:18:16]

CLIENT: I think for James the science thing is important just because he also has been kind of kicked around by the (unclear) industry, just by proxy.

(Pause): [00:18:36 00:19:14]

CLIENT: I really don't know. (Pause) (inaudible). (Pause) I need to not brace myself for it (inaudible) happens. There's nothing I can do about it. But -

(Pause): [00:19:38 00:20:14]

CLIENT: My sister lost her job.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: That's too bad.

CLIENT: Yeah, that's too bad. I haven't talked to her about it yet. I just heard it from my dad.

(Pause): [00:20:29 00:20:32]

CLIENT: (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:20:34 00:20:58]

CLIENT: Yeah, I don't know what I can do for her.

(Pause): [00:21:00 00:21:08]

CLIENT: She didn't call me about it. I need to call her. (inaudible) come over.

(Pause): [00:21:11 00:21:50]

THERAPIST: I sense that you it's not so much of a fear of losing things that matter to you, or that are like (unclear) for you, it's my impression that it felt like the things that go on before you moved to Andover from here, friends, I mean you didn't lose your friends but you don't feel so much like a worry but there's a certainty about what happened. Like I know that you're worried that it could happen. You don't know. And I think (unclear) that you are pretty convinced you know, at least talking to me -

CLIENT: Just waiting for the other shoe to drop?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:22:44 00:22:51]

THERAPIST: Actually -

(Pause): [00:22:51 00:23:07]

THERAPIST: I have the feeling that -

(Pause): [00:23:09 00:23:12]

THERAPIST: that you're getting pretty helpless and it's getting pretty much taken away.

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:23:16 00:23:50]

CLIENT: Yeah, that's what makes being married so strange.

(Pause): [00:23:58 00:24:13]

CLIENT: I'm convinced I'm going to lose that. But (unclear) I'm not. But (unclear).

(Pause): [00:24:19 00:24:52]

THERAPIST: I can see where it makes you terrified all the time.

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:24:53 00:25:04]

CLIENT: I feel like the more stable things get too, the more I'm starting to (inaudible) I'm going to lose it.

(Pause): [00:25:18 00:25:30]

CLIENT: (Whispers) (inaudible). Right now I'm actually worried about losing you most. That's what I'm really scared about.

(Pause): [00:25:41 00:26:02]

THERAPIST: From moving or from -?

CLIENT: (Crying?) Yeah, (inaudible).

THERAPIST: Yeah, (unclear).

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:26:11 00:26:32]

THERAPIST: I wonder if (unclear) lets you feel you can rely on me.

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:26:33 00:26:39]

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean I feel like the more I rely people for things, the more likely I am to lose them.

(Pause): [00:26:46 00:26:55]

THERAPIST: And maybe I'm part of what's like driving them away.

CLIENT: That makes sense.

THERAPIST: That you rely on me or what you want from me.

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:27:28 00:27:22]

CLIENT: But then I think about like maybe I just shouldn't rely on him so much but (inaudible). But that isn't working.

(Pause): [00:27:38 00:27:59]

CLIENT: And I'm scared most of the time.

(Pause): [00:27:58 00:28:36]

THERAPIST: Something I would imagine is related to that is -

(Pause): [00:28:38 00:28:55]

THERAPIST: Sort of like you don't factor that much into my thinking that way like it wouldn't really get how it would matter to you or, I guess a part of what I'm thinking about is (unclear) towards me like mom stuff, I guess, yeah.

CLIENT: Hmm.

(Pause): [00:29:27 00:29:45]

CLIENT: Okay,

THERAPIST: And I guess sort of the way I imagine it's like for you is that I could just wake up one day and decide I want to be something else (unclear) with the world but I'm going to go race horses or do something else.

CLIENT: I wouldn't do that. That's a terrible thing.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: I mean yeah. For whatever reason it feels like very, very dangerous for you to know that I rely on you.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: Like that's like if I tell you that I relied on you then you'll be, I don't know what.

(Pause): [00:31:08 00:31:23]

THERAPIST: You must be kind of petrified of that now.

CLIENT: (Laughs). A little bit, yeah.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:31:31 00:32:00]

CLIENT: I'm going to go ahead and generalize here, so if it feels like I can only expect people to support me if I make them think I don't actually need the support. That's not (unclear) to do.

(Pause): [00:32:19 00:32:29]

THERAPIST: So I guess that's why I feel l have to trick you into taking care of me.

CLIENT: Um hmm.

(Pause): [00:32:33 00:33:17]

THERAPIST: Kind of like a client engaging and working hard and not letting me know how much you're actually relying on me?

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:33:30 00:33:53]

CLIENT: Or like not letting anyone else know how much I'm relying on (unclear).

(Pause): [00:33:59 00:34:43]

THERAPIST: (inaudible) Yeah, (inaudible) I feel that you sort of in that way are quite easy-come-easy-go about this whole thing. Like I (unclear) I know how much you rely on me, I'm going to take off and also (Pause) I have a sense that like I don't feel a particular (unclear) to you or any kind of a commitment.

CLIENT: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:35:41 00:35:51]

CLIENT: That was one of the things that Dr. Hoffsteder (sp?) said about you yesterday when she talked to you, it was clear that you were really committed to me (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:36:07 00:36:29]

THERAPIST: So you're now really anxiously waiting for me to repeat that. Okay.

CLIENT: (Laughing) I don't know. I don't think so.

(Pause): [00:36:39 00:36:58]

CLIENT: Yeah, I don't know what to say about that. You're right, but I don't like (unintelligible) the way I'm thinking about it (inaudible).

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: I don't know what to say.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

(Pause): [00:37:19 00:37:41]

CLIENT: Yeah, I guess I'm anxiously waiting for you to say something (inaudible). I feel like pretty much it sort of feels like pretty much anything would be bad. (Laughs) (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:38:05 00:38:21]

THERAPIST: Or part of it is -

(Pause): [00:38:22 00:38:41]

THERAPIST: that you have a wish that I will be like (unclear) reliable, (unclear) interested in having out, particularly if you're relying on me and that one of the things that terrifies you you have the expectation that they won't be true. But underneath that there is a wish that they will be that makes me feel kind of (unclear) very serious.

CLIENT: Yes. I think also I it feels to me like if you say anything, like you say that you are committed to me then that is a sign that you actually are going to take off. And then it will just be worse because you will have been lying as well as taking off.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:40:05 00:40:59]

THERAPIST: (inaudible).

(Pause): [00:41:03 00:41:17]

CLIENT: (inaudible)

THERAPIST: (inaudible)

(Pause): [00:41:20 00:42:09]

CLIENT: I feel really bad about other things.

(Pause): [00:42:09 00:42:26]

THERAPIST: I wonder if it's related to our not meeting until Friday. (Unintelligible).

(Pause): [00:42:39 00:42:44]

CLIENT: I don't know. I don't think so, no.

THERAPIST: No?

(Pause): [00:42:48 00:43:50]

CLIENT: (Unintelligible)

(Pause): [00:44:01 00:44:13]

THERAPIST: (Unintelligible).

END TRANSCRIPT

1
Abstract / Summary: Client discusses her reliance on other people to help her get by in life and how devastating it would be if those people were to leave her.
Field of Interest: Counseling & Therapy
Publisher: Alexander Street Press
Content Type: Session transcript
Format: Text
Original Publication Date: 2014
Page Count: 1
Page Range: 1-1
Publication Year: 2014
Publisher: Alexander Street
Place Published / Released: Alexandria, VA
Subject: Counseling & Therapy; Psychology & Counseling; Health Sciences; Theoretical Approaches to Counseling; Food and eating; Family and relationships; Teoria do Aconselhamento; Teorías del Asesoramiento; Help-seeking behavior; Helplessness; Married people; Eating behavior; Psychoanalytic Psychology; Anxiety; Sadness; Guilt; Psychoanalysis; Psychotherapy
Presenting Condition: Anxiety; Sadness; Guilt
Clinician: Anonymous
Keywords and Translated Subjects: Teoria do Aconselhamento; Teorías del Asesoramiento
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