TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

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CLIENT: Well last night was the first rehearsal of the season for the Harvard women’s chorale, which I am testing the waters. I have another three weeks before I have to pay dues for the semester if I want to sing with them. So that was good. My friend Jodie went with me. Jodie also goes by another name. [ph] I can’t remember which name I used in here to talk about her or…

THERAPIST: The person I’m thinking of is Jodie. She’s the one who’s dating…

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I don’t think she’s going to continue singing with the chorus because her mystery hunt team won by mistake this year, which means they have to write next year’s hunt. [1:05] Everyone wants to come in second place at mystery hunt. No one actually wants to win because winning is a lot of work. But she’s going to be super busy, so I don’t think she’s going to sing in the chorale. But it seems like a congenial group. No one was mean about my lack of sight singing skills, so I’m going to try. We’ll see how it goes. I really love chorale music, and I’m really sad that my church choir is being so blah. So yeah, there’s that. I’m going on a silent retreat this weekend, which was unreservedly a good thing last year. I’m a little nervous this year because the last week has been kind of an emotional roller coaster. I had fewer external stressers at this time last year, but hopefully it will be good and hopefully it will give my brain a reset. [2:07] I am not taking any electronics with me. (pause) After the rehearsal last night, Jodie came over to my place to have some tea. There’s… there was a kickstarter. So Helen, [ph] who’s a musician I admire; I wouldn’t call her a friend; we’re not… we don’t actually know each other.

THERAPIST: I remember Helen. [ph]

CLIENT: She’s friends with friends of mine. A friend of hers is starting…

THERAPIST: Does she live in New Jersey or something?

CLIENT: Nebraska. But a friend of hers was starting a company selling tea, flavored tea, and so she ran a Kickstarter to fund her next step in her business. And so she made 16 flavors of tea based off of... inspired by Helen’s [ph] music. [3:06] So Jodie came over after rehearsal last night to sample a bunch of Helen [ph] teas. And she and Dave totally ganged up on me and told me that I’m being utterly ridiculous about this woman I have a crush on, that I should ask her out and be done with it instead of pining, which they’re probably right, but that’s scary. (pause) Dave in particular is very confused that I’m not being more bold about just telling people when I like them because I used to be. [4:13] The way Dave and I started dating the first time, we were walking to class together. I just turned to him in the middle of the hallway on campus and was like so are you just going to continue flirting with me outrageously forever or are we going to go on a date sometime. And I don’t know if it’s a good thing that I’m more cautious and that I no longer have the sense of well I’ve got nothing to lose or if it’s a bad thing in that I’m becoming more fearful [inaudible] I’m not sure. (pause)

THERAPIST: My hunch is it’s more to do with being in touch with the sense of risk and hurt that can happen. [inaudible] you sort of [inaudible]

CLIENT: Right. But yeah, she was friends with a bunch of my friends. And if things get weird then I don’t know. [5:58] (pause)

THERAPIST: That’s why I [inaudible] Maybe there’s a way that you’re always doing kickstarters, sort of putting things out there and waiting to see. Like last night with Dave and Jodie they were like no, what are you doing, you’ve got to… that kind of… they were into it. They were backing you up. And [inaudible] like that feels really nice, and it at least makes it easier and better to contemplate doing something, whatever you decide to do. [7:39] Is that there’s, I don’t know how it came about but I had the thought that maybe in some way there’s a little bit of a kickstarter, like do you date this person, is there enough interest…

CLIENT: (laughter)

THERAPIST: …from them to help you. (pause) And maybe a little [inaudible] too. I don’t know, is this a step forward, is it a step backward, where are we, where am I, am I getting better or worse. (pause) And I imagine it could make you worry you’re doing something wrong, which is not at all where I… what I mean. But I understand that… I guess I’m thinking about it more as you wanting and really appreciating the support. It feels really nice. And it helps with things that are hard to do. [9:00] (pause)

CLIENT: She really is brilliant, this person I have a crush on. She’s incredibly smart, interesting.

THERAPIST: What’s her first name?

CLIENT: Lucy [ph].

THERAPIST: Oh, okay. This is Lucy from [inaudible]

CLIENT: Yeah. I didn’t realize I had a crush on her until I realized I had spent three days of [inaudible] doing nothing but following her around. [11:01] And then I went oh. Well that explains why I spend all of my time at the conn [ph] with her and her pack of nerdy [inaudible] instead of the people I normally hang out with. I am sometimes not in touch with my feelings.

THERAPIST: Didn’t take you that long. (pause) What’s on your mind? [14:01]

CLIENT: Oh I was thinking about [inaudible] how I don’t feel up for the challenge, or up to the challenge. (pause)

THERAPIST: I wonder if in your sort of lower or more self-hating moments you can feel a little like Medusa. [15:31]

CLIENT: I’ve actually said that recently [inaudible] Probably not here, but yeah.

THERAPIST: [inaudible]

CLIENT: All right. So stupidly late.

THERAPIST: One of the [inaudible]

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