TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
CLIENT: So, I'm applying for jobs. Yeah. I am.
THERAPIST: Teaching jobs?
CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. It's going very slowly. But it doesn't need to go that fast.
THERAPIST: Mostly stuff for the fall?
CLIENT: Yeah. That's mostly what's available. There are I think a couple of ones, like, there are a couple of maternity positions that open up in the spring. But, yeah.
(pause from [00:01:12] to [00:01:29]) It's frustrating.
THERAPIST: Yeah.
CLIENT: (pause) But, oh well. (pause)
THERAPIST: How so?
CLIENT: It's just the same thing, all the time. You just keep applying and applying and applying. I haven't heard anything. You just keep going. But, oh well.
(pause from [00:02:17] to [00:03:06]).
Yeah, I just keep hoping something will turn up. Oh well.
THERAPIST: Have you applied to sub some?
CLIENT: Like four or five I think. Sounds like that many. Yeah. (pause)
THERAPIST: Is there another scale of the -
CLIENT: Yeah, (pause from [00:03:55] to [00:04:24]).
Yeah, what I really need to do is, work more closely with the placement agencies. Because I think those are the people that actually fit most of the positions. But, I don't know.
(pause from [00:04:51] to [00:05:21]).
I think I was in the hospital during the first like, placement.
THERAPIST: Yeah, you were. It was on a Friday and you went on Friday of that week.
CLIENT: So, I missed that. I'm kind of, I don't know, grumpy about that. I don't know. (pause from [00:05:58] to [00:06:28]).
THERAPIST: It's okay to be a little grumpy. I mean, that was a question. I think it's okay to be a little grumpy. (chuckles)
CLIENT: Yeah, I just have to figure out where to go from here. (pause from [00:06:52] to [00:10:52]).
THERAPIST: You feel like you are going to crash and burn with the job application process? That it's just not going to go anywhere?
CLIENT: I worry about it. Definitely a possibility.
(pause from [00:11:13] to [00:14:06]). Yeah.
(pause from [00:14:08] to [00:16:28]).
THERAPIST: Are you still thinking about the job stuff?
CLIENT: Yeah, yeah.
THERAPIST: Well what are you thinking?
CLIENT: Just about,
(pause from [00:16:46] to [00:17:09])
about, (pause) not being particular. Which I know is not helpful.
THERAPIST: The impression that I get, again maybe this is not right, is that, I guess you probably were thinking something particularly about that. But that you can't either quite remember what you were thinking or put it into words.
CLIENT: More can't put it into words.
(pause from [00:18:08] to [00:18:29]). Yeah, now I don't remember.
THERAPIST: It looked like you were, not that pause, but the previous pause (chuckle), after you said you were going to try and I said what, like you were trying to find a way to say it and couldn't.
CLIENT: Yeah, that's about right.
(pause from [00:18:54] to [00:19:24]).
THERAPIST: And I can imagine that's kind of dispiriting.
CLIENT: A little bit, yeah. (pause from [00:19:35] to [00:20:14]). I've been feeling just more dispirited in general. (pause) I don't know, it feels like, all the things I've been trying to say, it's just not been being said. I just feel like I can't do it.
THERAPIST: You can't say them?
CLIENT: Yeah, yeah.
THERAPIST: It's probably true.
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: I think it's been, my theories been, that's its very familiar. I'm imagining you can't say them now largely because of the ECT (ph).
CLIENT: By theory.
THERAPIST: But that in the past you haven't been able to say them because who would listen, or who could handle it. And so I imagine being cut off like that or voiceless, is familiar.
CLIENT: I don't know.
(pause from [00:22:33] to [00:23:03]). Yeah, people do really listen to me, or have really listened to me in the past. Yeah I feel I just, I feel I can't ignore that in any way.
(pause from [00:23:26] to [00:25:54]).
THERAPIST: I wonder if, part of your experience is not being able to say a lot of the things you have wanted to say is, they really care for you and can't talk about what's going on. Which, I imagine is crummy.
CLIENT: Yeah. (pause [00:26:43] to [00:28:37]).
THERAPIST: I imagine you are also just sick and tired of it. Like, the world has been pulling this kind of shit on you for quite a while now.
CLIENT: Yeah, I mean, there is a lot of it.
(pause from [00:28:53] to [00:29:12]).
But, I don't know.
(pause from [00:29:14] to [00:29:44]).
THERAPIST: What's on your mind?
CLIENT: (pause) Just, (pause from [00:29:57] to [00:30:21]).
I don't know. (pause from [00:30:22] to [00:30:36]).
I, (pause from [00:30:37] to [00:31:13]).
I don't know. (pause from [00:31:14] to [00:34:08] I don't know.
(pause from [00:34:07] to [00:36:52]).
THERAPIST: Must be a pretty different experience not being able to say much here.
CLIENT: It's not very much fun. Yeah.
THERAPIST: In what way?
CLIENT: I just, I guess I just feel helpless. I think. (pause) Yeah. (pause) I just feel stuck.
THERAPIST: I can imagine you would have felt helpless here even when you had more to say. Is that true?
CLIENT: Yeah, sometimes.
THERAPIST: Is this different?
CLIENT: I don't know.
THERAPIST: I can imagine that the less you can do about it, the more you want to do about it.
CLIENT: (chuckle) Yeah. (pause from [00:38:30] to [00:39:18])
THERAPIST: But I guess you are doing at it pretty acutely and also feeling stuck.
(pause [00:39:33] to [00:41:31]).
I had the impression that there was something in what I said that made you feel worse?
CLIENT: I don't know.
THERAPIST: When I said, like, maybe you thought how this before was just that you didn't imagine you could do more about it because you couldn't say more, that, that kind of took something away from how you're feeling helpless now, or that it's that you might not be feeling in a new and especially painful way. Something unproductive.
CLIENT: (pause) I don't know.
(pause from [00:42:48] to [00:43:56]). Yeah, I don't know.
(pause from [00:43:57] to [00:45:02]).
THERAPIST: Well we should stop. Do you have a thought?
CLIENT: No. (laughs)
THERAPIST: All right, I'll see you tomorrow.
END TRANSCRIPT
