TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

(inaudible)

CLIENT: It's cold.

THERAPIST: Cold out?

CLIENT: Yeah. How's it going?

THERAPIST: Good.

CLIENT: You're all frilly.

THERAPIST: (laughs)

CLIENT: So Friday I get an e-mail from Kelly. I didn't contact her all week, whatever, we didn't contact each other. So I get an e-mail from her that basically said "We haven't talked all week, I just thought I'd reach out." She was like, said something like "I kind of, it wasn't a big deal, like what happened, I felt like you made a big deal about it." Her e-mail was very innocuous, whatever, so I didn't respond to the e-mail, I just texted her. "Got your e-mail, I think this is the kind of thing we should talk about in person." So she came over that night but even, I could already tell that everything was fine, kind of, so she came over that night and basically we had a talk. So here's what, this is what she said. What ended up happening was she, between doing the artwork and making dinner that night I guess she had this moment that was like "I'm in a relationship." Like she had a freak out, a relationship freak out. [00:01:36] She's like and I'm like "I'm making this guy dinner and I'm doing the artwork for his CD and I've got a kid." She's like "I'm very focused on my work and my kid. I suddenly felt like..." Oh and also I guess she'd been a little bit annoyed, I guess she has a couple, not a lot but maybe like one or two friends, she doesn't have a big, she loves people but she doesn't, she only has a couple close friends. I guess one or two of them were like "Oh you're not being attentive enough to him. You guys only see each other once a week." I guess they were kind of...

THERAPIST: (inaudible) you?

CLIENT: Yeah, they were like "Hey you're dating this guy but you see him like once a week, you got to, something..." So I guess maybe that was bothering her too a little bit because she was like "No, we're fine, it's going really well?" So I think there's a couple things that just kind of...that being said I still told her, like it was good, I was like "Look, I'm scared too, of course, that's why we get along so well, that's why this is working because we both understand that relationships aren't' easy and we're both very focused on things we want to accomplish in life and we have..."Oh and the other thing she was saying was "They were making me feel bad, I like being alone, I'm not rushing into getting married again or whatever." [0003:12] So I was like "I'm the same..." and it's true. I am the same way. In a weird way I oftentimes feel relief when she leaves the next day, not because I'm glad it's over but I think I do like my little routines, my alone time and all that, you know? So I was like "I'm like that too." But I did tell her "You also, let me just tell you what was going on with me." So I just told her "It wasn't a matter of making a big deal, if it seemed that way to you it was because I literally had no idea what the fuck was going on." (laughs) So I was like, you have to imagine right, you're with one of your best friends, I was like "I don't know a Erin. Shit is Erin upset with me too? Did I do something wrong and now Erin's...?" So she totally got where I was coming from but I was glad I was able to tell her to her face that and I was honest, we kind of, we joked, I was like "Yeah you know, you don't, you could maybe be a smidge more attentive but what we've had, it's been great, like everything's going really well." [00:04:26] It was awesome, we had a great night.

THERAPIST: Until that, her disappearing, it sounds like you were able to say to her ...She really pulled back in this exchange.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: You were able to say...

CLIENT: That that wasn't cool.

THERAPIST: Doesn't quite work for me.

CLIENT: Yeah, that's right. I told her "All that would have happened is if you had just called me." I was like, "I didn't care that you cancelled dinner, and I didn't give a shit that you didn't want to do that artwork. " Would it be a little like "Oh, that's too bad?" So what, you know? But honestly that was like a one second, a one minute, like "Hey babe listen I'm sorry I feel a little bit frazzled and a little bit overwhelmed, it's not about you or anything like that, everything's cool I just..." That's it! Done, done. So it felt good to just tell her that, you know? That was it, we had a blast. [00:05:27]

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. So now in a way it's even better, it's like that was very adult.

THERAPIST: (laughs)

CLIENT: And also I'm just glad it redeemed that I'm right about her. That's why I was so, I didn't get it. She's a good person.

THERAPIST: It wasn't what you were assessing so far about her?

CLIENT: Yeah I can't be that off, she's a good person.

THERAPIST: You hadn't been calling her a psycho all along?

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we had a great time and then the next day she texted me, whatever. Then yesterday was the first time, that was very sweet...Did you see the moon yesterday?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: That was unfucking real! So I texted her, I don't think I even said anything, whatever, big deal. She was so sweet, she like texted me back with two hearts. She was like "You treat me so good." It was nice. I guess we're good, I mean I'm very proud of how I handled it and I'm not, just because it's all good now, I'm not, you know. It is what it is. [00:06:46] See what happens. Oh and I even pushed her on it. I was like "So, do you know not want to be serious?" I was like "You don't, we've been dating since October." She's like "yeah, yeah I know. No, that's not what I'm saying." I was like "Ok, you can tell me that too, if this is just a fling, if it's just a physical thing or whatever, we're just hanging out, we're buddies who are having sex...If I just know then it's all good."

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: So it kind of felt good to just really clarify what's going on.

THERAPIST: Well you're also asking her if she could communicate with you a little bit more about what's inside her.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Which is a kind of, working on the relationship some. It's so different then, from the world's while lack of someone being on a pedestal where they can sort of do no wrong, it's new territory to say "Actually she's going to do things that bother you sometimes and you may do things that bother her sometimes and to talk to each other about it, work it through, is just really different."

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: To come out the other side and it feels good, In fact you might even feel closer because you had this....

CLIENT: Well and also in a way it's a huge compliment. What she said was "You know this is the first serious relationship I've had in years." [00:08:22] It's like, she's like "I just had a moment."

THERAPIST: Where it's scaring her?

CLIENT: Yeah and also she said "I'd really kind of vowed..." I think what a lot of people do when they go through a divorce. She was like "I gave so many years of my life and I just...I've kind of stayed away from anything serious." So it's a huge compliment actually, you know?

THERAPIST: Says a lot.

CLIENT: Yeah and the awesome thing was, we got it right out of the way and it was a very nice conversation, it wasn't (laughs), you know? Then we had a blast. We had a great time and then...She was like "I have to go to on a trip for a day or two for work." I was like "Cool, whatever." She's like "Do you want to come with me?" Cool, you know?

THERAPIST: (inaudible)

CLIENT: I don't know. (pause)[00:09:37] So it was good but meanwhile my mom wasn't feeling too good yesterday so that...I was kind of proud of that too, I had a little bit of a panic attack, but then I felt better. It's like I just got a break now, she's in her seventies now, she's...

THERAPIST: What was wrong?

CLIENT: She called me and sounded really like, more than anything she sounded incredibly exhausted and depressed and I got home and she was on the couch and she was kind of shivering, she was really cold. I told her, I was like "Mom, I think really you're just super depressed and exhausted. You don't eat enough, you're not..." And she even said "I'm kind of abusing myself."

THERAPIST: Oh, wow.

CLIENT: But I was like "I don't know what to tell you? No one's making you do anything. You have a beautiful home, just chill." So in a way I handled it well it's just that physical stuff makes me...and I was like "You're not thinking of me. For no reason you're making me panic and get worried, there's nothing wrong, you got to take better care of yourself." [00:11:12]

THERAPIST: It actually doesn't sound physical.

CLIENT: She said what happened was she had gone shopping, she had got home and her heart, she had like palpitations or something and she felt like she was going to pass out. Now of course at that age, that's whatever, but I was like "Mom, honestly I think you just came up the stairs, I tell you not to lug heavy shit." I tell her to buy little things at the store, just go more often or something, I don't know. But water, this, that, so she brought them up the stairs, probably hadn't eaten shit...

THERAPIST: Of course she's going to have heart palpitations.

CLIENT: You know, I was like "I think you're exhausted with Grandma, this, that, you're not eating and your apartment's freezing. It's really cold out." Normally I like it cold but like it's freezing, you know....and on top of that she has hypothyroid something.

THERAPIST: Oh, hmm.

CLIENT: So I was like, I even looked it up and showed her. "Look, weakness, fatigue, paleness, tomorrow you just got to let your doctor know that you're having these, whatever." So of course once I got home though, I also know it's a lot mental because I, you know what, "I'm going to bring Cecelia down here." The minute I put Cecelia on her lap, she was like hugging her, she started crying. (pause) [00:12:46] I was like "Mom, come on man..."

THERAPIST: She's having a hard time?

CLIENT: Yeah. What do you say? I don't know what to say, she's seventy and taking care of her ninety year old mother, I mean, there's no easy way around that.

THERAPIST: Did she ever go talk to somebody?

CLIENT: (huffs)

THERAPIST: Yeah?

CLIENT: No way, no way. I'll be excited if she just lets her fucking doctor know today what happened. No, she wouldn't do that. I mean she has her friends and stuff. At least that's something. They're really nice. (pause)

THERAPIST: You okay?

CLIENT: Me?

THERAPIST: Yeah. [00:13:44]

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean it's just a bummer, like I have to be, I've decided that I can't get too sucked into that so I really have to take a stance like "You know what, she's her own person, she wants to be a martyr for her mom or whatever, I can't because this doesn't have an end." I don't know what else I can do, I've been very clear about...I also don't want to be her nurse because she's still my mom. She needs to suck it up a little bit too, she just wanted attention, she wanted me to be around and it's like I'm not going to be... you know? That's a little harsh but, I know her, that's what she's always wanted, and that's just not me. I'm not going to get sucked into this, like wallowing, weird, "Get me some water, get me tea, get me..." I'll do some of that but it's got to be very "Here's your tea, here's your fucking lemon water, whatever, I got to go." I feel bad but for myself, that's for my own...you know? [00:14:58]

THERAPIST: That's not your job day in and day out.

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean to her credit this doesn't really happen, I think it just, she just had one of those days, you know, where it just...And the good thing was I left and then I called her like once an hour. I called her three times, I called her every hour. She was totally fine. I called her, the first time she sounded better, I called her again she sounded totally...just fine.

THERAPIST: You did take care of her.

CLIENT: Yeah and I don't mind doing that but I'm just not going to do it the way they do it. I got to live my life and I'll keep tabs, I'm around anyway, it's the city, we're not going anywhere but I can't just do it the way she does it for her mom, that's not healthy. (pause) [00:15:56] But yeah, I didn't get angry at her, you know, she's older. What are you going to say? Like I keep telling her the same things but it seems like she's decided that as long as she's able she wants to do what she's doing for her mom. How could you not respect? What are you going to say? (pause)

THERAPIST: I can see having mixed feelings about this kind of thing though because in a way it makes sense that she's seventy-two, is that right?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You are taking care of your own beginning to ail patient, your mother, but you've also been the one taking care of everybody else and not taking care of so much for a long time, so I think it makes it more complicated to start to be there for her in this way.

CLIENT: Mm hm. [00:17:14]

THERAPIST: When you weren't totally feeling like she was there for you...

CLIENT: Right. Yeah.

THERAPIST: When you were younger.

CLIENT: Right, right.

THERAPIST: You know, we were talking at the end of last week about your trip to Oregon.

CLIENT: Oh, right. The move to Oregon.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah but you know how I look at it though is like, I think what happens to a lot of people, you see your parents so frail like that, a lot of that stuff falls by the wayside, I mean...

THERAPIST: It feels appropriate right now.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah and especially cause I'm not doing it in a way that's bothering me. The only thing that bothers me is my own issue. I just get (inaudible), on anything physical I just start having my own panic attacks but that has nothing to do with her. Really the mixed feeling is just it kind of, I've never understood people who weren't a little more self-caring, not selfish but it baffles my mind. I don't understand that. [00:18:30] I've always been, I'm like my grandfather that way, I need to do whatever I need to do and as long as I'm not hurting other people I don't really give a shit. My mom just doesn't seem to have that, like she'll probably maybe rest today too and that's it, tomorrow it will be back to same routine with my grandmother. (pause). Then you go to dark places, you start thinking, I'm like "How fucking long is this going to...when is my grandmother going to die?" (laughs) It's awful to say that but, you know I start thinking like "How fucking long can this drag on, Jesus." You start thinking things you don't want to think.

THERAPIST: What an understandable thought though or even fantasy or wish.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah, no it does because it's like "Dude you're ninety and have dementia, you know, it's time to go, everything has it's time. So that my mom can have some years of some kind of quiet." It's awful but, you know? That's when she had the heart thing, I thought that was it, I was kind of not excited, but at least now there's some, but it's like "Wow, fucking A, Jesus." [00:20:05] (pause) Like I said I just, I've gotten better and better, I just can't, whatever, like I somehow have to brace myself and let it go. I look around me and see other people, other Assyrians, I like their attitude better about these things and that one way I like that kind of old school, kind of macho "Dude whatever, they're old, they're going to die." (laughs) You know? And they're not so tight, not so sensitive about these things, whatever, they're old, you do what you can and...it has to be that way. You can't let your sensitivity get caught up in all this stuff cause it's just a fact of life first of all but also you can't control, she's an adult, whatever, you can't....(pause). And even that in a way, that's become a little bit of a dark fantasy too. Now that I've thought it out and I've braced myself, now it's like a lot of things would change if my mom...The house would be mine, I'd be able to do a lot of things, I'd be able to, my situation would improve, you know?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: So, awful to think that way but that's what starts happening. [00:21:54] (pause) Oh man I hadn't, oh my god, I've not even talked about the dreams I've been having. I saw this, I don't even have to read this one, I still remember. I saw this insane dream where the main chunk of it that was important was I ended up on some huge, fucking boat, I mean I'm talking like a floating city with tons of people on the boat and it was like one of the most beautiful dreams I'd ever seen. Like the ocean, things were passing, were just breathtaking, kind of like late afternoon, that kind of orange light, you know?

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: It was just super beautiful and like it was as if it were, I don't know, it was like cities but not?

THERAPIST: When was this? [00:23:12]

CLIENT: A week ago, give or take, maybe less than a week ago, something like that. There were people on the boat I kind of knew but didn't know, I made some friends, I don't know what. Then I got off and even on the boat it was like a floating city, it was crazy and when I got off the boat, I had nothing. I don't think I had shoes, I had nothing, no money, but I was shy to tell anybody that so I was kind of walking around and this black dude met me and started taking me around and as he was doing that I was like "Where is this?" Kind of looked European a little bit. Then he gave me some kind of job. He was like "I think this will be perfect for you." Something like that but I felt good, (laughs) it was the weirdest fucking thing. (pause) It was crazy.

THERAPIST: You think around a week ago so it was after things had gone kind of weird with Kelly?

CLIENT: That I don't remember, I don't know if I have it in my phone but...maybe. I think it was before, I want to say it was...

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: I think it was that weekend but before the Sunday, I think. [00:24:54] Let me see.

THERAPIST: Maybe she'd said she wants to cook you dinner?

CLIENT: Maybe, yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: She told you that a day before?

CLIENT: She told me that Saturday.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Yeah. Dream. (pause)

THERAPIST: You don't know when you wrote it?

CLIENT: (pause) January 19th.

THERAPIST: That's a Monday?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: I think, no.

CLIENT: January 19th was...

THERAPIST: Saturday?

CLIENT: Yeah, Martin Luther King. Ok

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: 19th, 20, 21, right?

THERAPIST: So it was Saturday?

CLIENT: So it was the Saturday before that stuff happened, yeah. Actually yeah it was a long...I dreamed that my parents were getting divorced.

THERAPIST: Huh.

CLIENT: Yeah and I was against...

THERAPIST: This is a different dream?

CLIENT: This is the beginning of that dream, yeah. I was against my mom, barely hated her, there were a lot of people in the house and there were people outside, I didn't know them but my parents...Oh, right. I didn't know them but my parents seemed to know them, it was like they each had a posse and some of the people weren't Assyrian. [00:26:19] That's right, I saw my apartment, it was all fucked up, it was under construction but it wasn't my apartment, it was like dilapidated but it had these rooms on the side that weren't rooms, like when I opened the door they were huge, empty, dilapidated warehouses. It was crazy. I was pissed and then there were guys in my apartment kind of messing with my stuff and they were kind of taunting me and I was pissed. The bathroom sink was leaking and I felt that my mom had done all that, that it was her fault. I yelled at her, told her I was changing all the locks, this was freaky, she said it wasn't her fault, they had to rush me to the hospital or something like that. It made no sense, I don't remember that, I'm right here. I went outside to tell my dad (laughs) and there was a big picnic table in our back yard with lots of people around it, people I didn't know. [00:27:25] My dad was on one end, my mom was on the other end and my dad was there but not active. He wasn't responding. Some woman, seemed to be my mom's lawyer, said they were going to sue me. (laughs) I told them to fuck off and go ahead and sue me because I would just countersue. I went up to my bathroom and I fixed the leak. I remember that, there was some rubber, I did something with rubber and I put it on the pipe. Suddenly after that I'm driving on some highway with people I don't' know, going really fast but I couldn't control the car and at some point when I thought there was either going to be an accident, I just didn't know...That always happens with me with cars.

THERAPIST: Yeah I remember you saying that.

CLIENT: Yeah, I can't drive. So that's when it just cut and suddenly I was on this boat, then all the sudden a huge, huge boat, lots of people, that's right, I was having sex with one or two women, they were like blondes maybe, I don't know, then I was buying one of them a drink and protecting her from some other dudes that were being really sleazy. [00:28:47] Like older business guys. And then I was walking around the boat looking at how amazing it was. Oh, that's right, some of it, as we were going by the cities, the water was amazing, there were like all these people swimming in the water and like waving at us and like even sculptures. It was like insane.

THERAPIST: So a lot of detail?

CLIENT: Lots of details. Seriously all sorts of people swimming. There were tiny planes flying around, like little WWI planes but they were kind of hovering. There were people in smaller boats, yeah, it was crazy and then just, I got to where....

THERAPIST: You got off?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Wow.

CLIENT: But it's cool. It kind of ended up being a great dream in a way. Strange.

THERAPIST: Yeah, there's a lot of strength and (inaudible) kind of taking matters into your own hands.

CLIENT: And also being on this immense, and not being scared of what's happening. What is all this? [00:30:06]

THERAPIST: Like a metaphor for this journey too?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: There's a lot happening.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Even just kind of individuating, separating from your parents, from your past emotionally, that's what you're describing with your relationship with your mother over this weekend and her stating...You said I kind of did what felt good to me.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Instead of getting sucked in to her vortex.

CLIENT: Right, right. (pause)

THERAPIST: What do you make of your parents getting divorced?

CLIENT: It's probably like an old, I remember in North Carolina one time I got really scared and was crying because they half-jokingly told me they were going to get a divorce. They were arguing and stuff and I think I got upset, so my mom or my dad was like "we're going to get a divorce." It's a stupid thing to say to a kid so I started crying....I've never known if that was really serious or not but...[00:31:27]

THERAPIST: That's what I wonder when you say half-jokingly, like what, meaning?

CLIENT: They were going through some phase where they were arguing a lot, you know. I don't know what happened. That was actually not that bad, when we moved back from North Carolina they really went through a rough period, jobs, living situation, my dad having to deal with this fucking side of the family, kind of claustrophobic, so they had a few really like drag out, loud arguments and shit. So it could be some of that kind of...

THERAPIST: Loud. What would happen in the argument?

CLIENT: Yelling. Yelling. My dad never argued but if you pissed him off, if you pushed that certain button, you wouldn't want to, you know, he would never get violent but you knew something was...if he was that angry then probably you'd done something wrong. [00:32:39] Something is, you know, like (pause)...

THERAPIST: Did he ever scare you?

CLIENT: Yeah, like only scared in the sense that you would feel really bad and kind of...if you pissed him off like that. (pause) But he never ever hit me. Even times when I kind of deserved it, like a little spanking, never ever. When I look back on it, even though my mom annoyed me, I was also a little punk. I'd really be in her face and stuff, you know, sometimes it's a little much too. There were one or two times where my dad really didn't appreciate that but he never raised a hand, but he didn't have to, when he got like that you knew. [00:34:05] (pause) My mother never hit me either but she would kind of, you know?

THERAPIST: Kind of?

CLIENT: Well she'd get so upset or whatever, she really wouldn't hit me but she'd, like moms kind of do...

THERAPIST: Shove you?

CLIENT: Not even shoving. Like she'd try to give me a spanking or something, but you know...(pause)

THERAPIST: I wonder if it's hard to talk about her, hard to remember? Your language is so vague.

CLIENT: What do you mean?

THERAPIST: Kind of try to get...

CLIENT: I don't really remember. No, not an actual spanking but kind of like a whack.

THERAPIST: And kind of try meaning she would miss? You'd run away?

CLIENT: Or she wouldn't miss but it just wouldn't hurt cause it was...

THERAPIST: Swat?

CLIENT: Yeah. [00:35:10] But I don't really remember anything more than that. I barely even remember that. I don't know if she really did that or not but I feel like maybe there were times...(pause). The only time my dad was kind of violent was that story I told you where he broke the toy.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: In the parking lot? That was the only time I saw him do anything like that which it's only been years later, it's only now when I think about it, I'm like "That's fucked up. Something's going on there." That was not about me, that's...(pause) [00:36:13]

THERAPIST: At the time on the surface it was supposedly about you, he was frustrated with you about something?

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: Do you remember what?

CLIENT: I was being stubborn, this toy, this...who knows? I was driving him crazy.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: But to do that is...That's just one of those things I'll never know. You know they had a good marriage, they just had these phases I guess where things were really bad, I don't know or the thing I don't know is was it him? Do you know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: Because I don't know anything about his life, like did he have, was he super depressed or did he have other things he just not? I have no idea. It wasn't like their marriage was a sham or they were sticking together for me, they didn't have a marriage like that. I don't know what was going on with that.

THERAPIST: Do you remember what they'd fight about?

CLIENT: I think sometimes a little bit about money, here it would be about my dad just wanting to separate more from her family and have her be more at home and not, she'd be out all the time with her sister and like...they'd be at the mall, she would just get caught up with her side. So I think sometimes that would piss him off and then maybe some monetary stuff and then just my mom being annoying. My dad just...there were times when he so didn't care what other people think or this or that, shit like that would just aggravate him. [00:38:00] I mean I don't know, I can't remember other than some family shit I don't remember anything specific about that so I'm just assuming it had to be something somewhat money related, status related. I don't know.

THERAPIST: And do you remember her ever getting mad at him?

CLIENT: Yeah, getting mad, I remember her crying a number of times when he got really, really upset cause he wouldn't get like that often so I think it just...

THERAPIST: It upset her?

CLIENT: Yeah. She'd be crying.

THERAPIST: But not times where she'd be the one coming at him about frustration with him or something too much?

CLIENT: She must have I guess.

THERAPIST: She might or she might not have?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Sometimes fighting is always, comes from one to the other parent.

CLIENT: The thing I don't remember either side being attacking, I just remember some kind of, something pent up, just.

THERAPIST: Exploding at each other?

CLIENT: Yeah. (pause) [00:39:04]

THERAPIST: Did you ever wish they would get divorced?

CLIENT: No, no way.

THERAPIST: You said it was scary to imagine that?

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. No. In that way they were good, I mean I liked my parents, you know?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Fridays we went out to eat, to places, they'd take me places, they'd ...overall there was never, I had everything I wanted, I was spoiled in that way, you know?

THERAPIST: That doesn't mean though... you still could still be taken care of well (inaudible due to background noise) Sometimes people...

CLIENT: Yeah but in our world I think at that age, I even, literally I didn't know that you could get divorced.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: In our world there was no one divorced.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah, I didn't know anything about that. But also I really was, as much as I dislike my mom a lot of times, I mean I was also tight with her. She's my mom. I didn't see anything where I was like "Oh I wish she would go away or he would go away." It was more that I didn't like when they would fight. [00:40:14] It wasn't all the time so when it did happen it was kind of like...not like a little disagreement. (pause) I went to bed early last night. I was like "Why am I yawning?" Yeah. The trick was, I had the panic, I was really anxious around seven and I was eating dinner with my Assyrian friends so I was actually really happy, you know? I was like "Fuck ." So I took an Ativan like at eight and I think maybe that's what I need to do because by the time it was midnight I just felt really, really, like nice.[00:41:17] Normally what happens is I'll take the Ativan at midnight.

THERAPIST: That's too late.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: The panic attack was while having dinner?

CLIENT: It wasn't really a panic attack but I was with my friend and I didn't want to get into like my mom wasn't feeling well so I'm a little bit like... So we were having a good time, we're talking, we're drinking. I just...you know how your anxiety can get highlighted when your with people, you know?

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: So yeah, there was a little fifteen minute stretch there where I had just left my mom, I picked him up and I was still a bit...So while he was picking up the Chinese food I was in the car. I was like "You know what? I just got to nip this in the bud." I was totally fine. (pause)

THERAPIST: So we'll continue Wednesday, one o'clock?

CLIENT: Wednesday at one o'clock, awesome.

THERAPIST: Great.

CLIENT: Thanks Tricia. See you later.

THERAPIST: See you then.

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