TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: Sorry to make your chair messy.

THERAPIST: [inaudible]

CLIENT: Oh, man. How's it going?

THERAPIST: Fine.

CLIENT: Yeah, it looks pretty like, that's good.

THERAPIST: [laughs] [inaudible]

CLIENT: Yeah. It's very fitting. So I could have totally been here on time. I couldn't get out of bed. I mean, I could get out of bed but I didn't get out of bed. I woke up feeling like shit. I'm just like, uh. I feel very panicky. [pause] It's weird, like I keep going back and forth between feeling pretty good and feeling panicked. I woke up with like heartburn, and like my arm was hurting, so I started getting all like hypochondriac. I feel like I just I really like want to hibernate for a while. Like in June we have this fucking event-I might even cancel it. It's becoming like I can't find anyone to really do it. And like one of them, I got an e-mail today that she might be backing out of it. I'm like, "You know what, I'm tired of this shit." An event on a Saturday in Darien is not going to make or break, and I'm just not feeling it. I just want to be left alone and find other avenues to-you know. I don't know, I just feel like I want to like have like a quiet life for a little while. That's how I feel. I didn't get in touch with Kelly, but I think I just gotta do that. I don't know what to do. I'm like tortured about it. Like anxious and sad, well, what if I fuck it up, then I don't find another girl like her. I don't know, I'm just tired. [3:00]

THERAPIST: So maybe all these feelings about actually wanting [inaudible] with her [inaudible]. It's a quieter letting go in a way, it's not just break up. So you get to actually feel what if I don't have someone in your life.

CLIENT: Yeah. Well, I think and also what's started happening now is I'm starting to be like I think I'm-you know, it's funny, like I've been reading a lot of like Thomas Murden [sp?]. I think like-it's like what am I doing kind of. You know what I mean? Like in some ways I think I need to just suck it up. It's sort of like, look, I don't know if it's a good idea for me to go. And just to be honest, and as much as it sucks just put it out there. And even with the show-it's not that-don't get me wrong, it's like I don't want to do shows. Like, of course I want to do events. But I'm like, "But what am I doing here? Why am I so stressed and so anxious and so-" You know what I mean? About what? Like a stupid little club in Burlington? Like why don't I just channel that energy into I'll do those shows but-like in other words not getting so hyper-focused on that, and thinking like, "Oh my god. You know, what the-" Like and then getting angry and resentful, like why is this so difficult.

Well, you know what, maybe I just shouldn't organize events around here. I didn't used to do that. But it's like fuck this. I don't want to deal with that. It's like I kinda don't care. I'd rather get out of Darien. If I'm gonna make so much effort and be stressed and nervous I'd rather it'd be something bigger where I'm really getting out there, instead of something that really does not make a difference. It's just a fun night. But even if it's sold out what does that mean? It doesn't mean anything around here. You do that in San Diego or somewhere else then yeah, you can say wow, we're building some kind of following. But that's not hard here. You know. So it's like, well, it's fucking whatever. Getting all stressed and anxious and dwelling on it, and getting all caught up, and just fuck that.

So I think all these things are similar in some way. Do you know what I mean? It's like I just need to talk to Kelly, this is how I feel. And it's the same with that. It's like, yeah, I'd love to be there on a Saturday night, but you know what, this is becoming a nightmare. And it's just not worth it to me. So let's just cancel this and whatever. Put me on a good bill or something, I don't know. But I don't need this. You know what I mean? Just to quiet my mind. Like this is just-I feel like it's unnecessary-I just feel like I don't need that right now. I don't know if that makes sense but[6:00]

THERAPIST: Just unnecessary [unclear].

CLIENT: Yeah. Just like white noise, that I'm creating in a way. Do you know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: It's like, yeah, I really care about Kelly, but something is not working. Do you know what I mean? And I kinda just don't feel like going away for my birthday. I'm stressed, this fucking apartment isn't renting. You know, I can't undo my zipper. So I don't know. But I feel like that's where I'm headed, I feel like I need to reallyIn a way that's already what's been happening by default. Do you know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: My life has gotten quieter and simpler, you know. I just need to commit to it more and recognize it and take charge of it. You know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Right. Well, maybe-you know, this metaphor you've used a number of times of getting out of prison, and that the initial rush of you going anywhere you want to go and doing anything you want to do, what if you're going to be with who you want to be with.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: So you rush forward into lots of things. But maybe you're just starting on a-maybe you don't want all of these things, even if you could do that.

CLIENT: Or I want them in the more selective-

THERAPIST: Right.

CLIENT: Yeah, not just like to just in a frenzy, you know.

THERAPIST: Mm hm. Maybe you don't want to be the one organizing the events.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You'd rather be-you'd want to be at an event, but you don't want to be the one in charge of the event.

CLIENT: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: Just part of getting to know more selectively what actually feels good for you to have in your life.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Instead of everything.

CLIENT: Right, right. [pause] [8:00]

THERAPIST: There's a lot of feeling that comes up. I mean, the struggle now for Kelly [unclear] to anything you might say no and let her go.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: All the anxiety about now actually having choices and then making a choice-

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: -is very different than just being in prison, someone tells you what you have to do and you go do it.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: I think that's easy in a way, you don't have to deal with choice.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: When you deal with choice-it's good to have choices, but it also means you're gonna say no to things and close some doors.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: Which is its own kind of anxiety.

CLIENT: Yeah, and this is the first real breakup.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: In all the other cases I've just left in a frenzy of everything's all fucked up and confused, and I don't know what I'm doing. So yeah, it's just-

THERAPIST: They weren't really breakups.

CLIENT: No, yeah.

THERAPIST: It was like frenzies of something.

CLIENT: Yeah, they just suddenly ended.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah, that's true, yeah, there was no real like amicable kind of real clear break.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: Or even like a real-even if it was angry, there was no like, "You know what, I'm done, like we're breaking up. I don't want to-" There was no-it just kinda ended.

THERAPIST: There's not the process you're going through right now, sitting with conflict about it.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah.

THERAPIST: A part of you wants to break up, a part of you doesn't [unclear].

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Sorting through the feelings of loving feelings alongside feelings that aren't [unclear]. They're all true.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Not just ignoring one side of it or the other side of it.

CLIENT: And also this is the first time I'm like, wow, you know. You know, like I'm kinda standing up for really what I-you know what I mean? Like I don't wanna go with her, I'm just not feeling it, you know. But I feel awful about that. You know, like I just[pause] I even had this crazy idea-I don't think this is possible for me, but I even have this crazy idea like what if-you know, maybe I should be like celibate for a while. I don't think I can, but I'm starting to want-like the last-on top of all this, last night I met up with this chick I used to kinda see, Danielle. And like it just totally became something sexual. I mean, I knew there'd probably be some flirting or something, but it-you know what I mean. And I was like, "What, this is-" Like sometimes I catch myself-not sometimes, every time that happens, like I get caught off guard. Do you know what I mean? Like with Lily the other-

THERAPIST: [unclear] [11:00]

CLIENT: Well, with Lily the other-this is going to sound so lame. Did you watch a lot of Seinfeld?

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: Remember that hilarious episode where Kramer has the kavorka.

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: With the nun and the church and the Lithuanian, and George wants to convert or whatever. Like I was thinking about this last night on my way home, and I was kinda laughing, but I was also just like, "What the fuck is happening?" I don't know what that is. Do you know what I mean? Like I get shocked by-I can't explain it. As the thing is happening, things are unfolding sexually in the situation, I'm caught off guard by that. Do you know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Like not expecting it to go down that path, or-

CLIENT: Never being not surprised that I'm able to make this shit happen. Do you know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Mm hm, mm hm.

CLIENT: And that's not-I'm not saying it's not good or-it's not good or bad, but there's something about it, I'm starting to feel like, you know what, maybe it's almost compulsive. Because I can't believe that I'm able to make it happen, and I can't stop it. So I'm like, "Wait. All right, so yeah, we're flirting. Wait, am I going to be able to kiss this girl right here?" It's like, "Oh, well, yup. Holy shit, I am." It's like almost like a game. Like, "Will she let me feel her up right at the bar right here? Yup, well." Do you know what I'm saying? It's so lame. But because my track record is so successful with that bullshit that I feel like-it's like unnerving. Do you know what I mean?

THERAPIST: What's especially unnerving is that you still don't know you could go there if you wanted to. Do you know what I mean?

CLIENT: Yeah. That's part of what I'm saying too. Yeah, that's part of what I'm saying too I think, yeah.

THERAPIST: The way you're describing the internal process is, "Wait, could this-" It's as though you don't know that [overtalk].

CLIENT: It's something I-no, I just feel like even-I don't think I'm even saying like I don't deserve that, or like why me. But I do think there's something [unclear]. I mean, there are a lot of attractive dudes, and a lot of them don't have this track-I know a lot of them and they don't have that kinda track record. You know, guys talk, girls talk, whatever. And they don't know half the things, like even a quarter of the shit I've done. And it's not a-I don't know how to explain it, it's not a put down or it's not like I'm somehow special, but there's something about my personality or my character or something that is very whatever in that arena, you know. And that catches me off guard. I think it used to be more like I don't-you know, why me? Like I'm not that attractive. Now it's-there's still a little bit of that. But there's also just like, why is this so easy? Like I don't know. It's almost like a sociological experi-I don't understand what that is. Do you know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Mm hm. So it's almost more like in awe of it now.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And trying to figure out why. [14:00]

CLIENT: Yeah. This girl's like a scientist, she's like kinda like a fucking preppy. Like she's not really-you know. And it's just like, wow, what is happening here. I don't know. I don't know what to-I don't know what I'm saying about that, except that I've been starting to wonder if like there's that can't be healthy kind of. Do you know what I mean? Because if I wanted to I could do that-I could line chicks up almost four nights a week, five nights a week and stuff like that could happen. And that's-I'm starting to feel like that-I guess it's fun, and there are no expectations, but-I don't know. Do you know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Mm hm.

CLIENT: Like, yeah.

THERAPIST: Well, even before getting to healthy empathies, it sounds like you're just also just trying to figure out what that is.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Why? What is it? What are people [overtalk]?

CLIENT: Yeah, what is that-

THERAPIST: Or what is it that you're turning on, or-

CLIENT: Lily was-she's so fucking pretty. And yeah, she was drunk. But I've been wasted and I still know what I'm doing, all right. That's my theory about stuff like that. I've been wasted, and even if I do something stupid I know that I'm-like I'm aware that I'm doing it, you know. She was-I mean, she was like kinda touching herself and shit. She's like pulling-you know, she has like amazing breasts, she was kinda like-I-like what is that? Do you know what I mean? That's hot. I mean, it's also-but at the same time I was like, what-I'm kinda lost now. Like now that I'm not so much about like why do-like whether I deserve that, or whether I'm attractive or not, now I'm just like I don't understand people. Like I don't understand what's happening anymore. Do you know what I mean? Whatever. I'm probably just thinking too much about it. I mean, my guy friends would just punch me in the face if like-yeah, it's hard. She's like showing her tits in a bar. Or some science geek likes to have sex with you. But you know what I'm saying? Especially because they're all so pretty and they're all so-they're not like sluts, or like haggard-I mean, they're always these pretty, intelligent women. And it's like-I don't know, I can't explain it. I don't know what I'm saying. But-

THERAPIST: It seems like something that's hard to talk about and think about [overtalk]. [16:40]

CLIENT: Because I don't know what it is kind of. Well, because I don't know what it is about it that-

THERAPIST: Well, what do you think?

CLIENT: Well, I do. Like last time I took-you know, I gave her a ride home. I didn't like-you know. She told me, she's like, "You're definitely coming inside." I'm like, "What the fuck?" You know, whatever, sex. And then I left and I didn't feel bad. I felt pretty good I guess, you know. But I was like, "What just happened?" So I don't know what I think about these things anymore, that's what I'm trying to say. Because now it's beyond like the feeling of like, "Oh, well, why are these attractive women interested in me?" It's really not that anymore.

THERAPIST: It's more like you now are getting a sense that they are, but you still are trying to figure out what is it?

CLIENT: Why is it so intense?

THERAPIST: Why is it so-

CLIENT: Yeah, it's not like just little-I mean, it's-you know, so. You know. I don't know.

THERAPIST: Do you have a feeling [unclear, client's name] that something-and you describe this-you could change how you were to not have that happen.

CLIENT: That's what I'm trying to say, that I've started-I guess that's not what I mean by celibate. But just-yeah, just this idea that what if I decided? Like it's something I'd have to be very aware of, you know what I mean? If I'm not aware of it I'm just flirty and-because it's fun. I'm sorry, but it's like, "Wow, can I get this girl?" I mean, what guy-I mean, that's kind of a normal-some of it's a normal guy thing. I just happen to be one of those dudes that has a really high success rate. So it almost becomes like aDo you know what I mean?

THERAPIST: Like a compulsion mark.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. I told you I hooked up my friend at a bar last Friday. Did I tell you about that? I took my friend Jurgen, who's getting-you know the bar, that new place?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: It's a really good place, by the way. I took my friend Jurgen there, the one who's got the divorce, and the wife's a lesbian, all the-you know, the guy is just, you know. So I was like, "You know what, let's go there." So we went there, we walked up to the bar, pretty crowded. I hadn't even ordered the drinks yet and three chicks, one of them looked over at me, I looked at her, I was like, "Hey, how's it going," then I looked back. And she started talking to me. So basically I worked my magic and I hooked her up with Jurgen. I went to talk with her fat friend, and she-you know, I hooked them up, and then I left. But even that I feel like-I mean, that's awesome. I mean, I'm glad I did that for my friend. But even-like I was immediately like locked in. Do you know what I mean? Like I was-I don't know.

THERAPIST: That you were locked in. Or they were locked in on you, what do you think?

CLIENT: No, no, no, that she started talked to me and I immediately started working it. It was just like, "Hey what's up," you know. I mean-I don't know how to explain it.

THERAPIST: No, I'm following.

CLIENT: Yeah, you are? Okay.

THERAPIST: There's something [overtalk].

CLIENT: And it was very natural, I'm not faking anything. Last night I wasn't faking anything with Danielle, I'm being myself, you know. But part of myself is that part, that if a girl-you know, if there's gonna be-then I just go for it, you know. [20:00]

THERAPIST: But you're also saying in way that you could not do that too.

CLIENT: Yeah. So what I'm saying is I would have to be like-I would have to go to the bar-like last night I got there like five minutes-I would have to have been, "Okay, I'm not gonna-not flirt with her. I'm not-" Because I know what my moves-like I-they're very natural, I'm not faking anything. But I know how I am when I'm-you know. So like, "Okay, I'm not gonna touch her, I'm not gonna sit too close to her." Or-I don't know, something. I would have to like really give myself a talk. Because otherwise it's impossible, it's impossible.

THERAPIST: It would feel like giving her something to talk to not being by yourself.

CLIENT: Yeah. Just feel like we'reWell, to be like, you know what, yeah, maybe she totally wants to have sex, but you know what, today you're not going to do that. You're going to just have a friendly time, you know.

THERAPIST: And that's not [unclear].

CLIENT: Yeah. Even though that-I don't know if that-like, was that the goal last night? I don't think it was. Do you know what I mean? I mean, she's hot, she's nice. It was also like I wanted to-because things kind of ended-I think she thought I was kind of a jerk, and you know. So I just wanted to just be like, "Hey, I hope you're doing well." You know. I didn't think-especially her, because she's very reserved, and you know. [pause] McNallys. I was there Monday night by myself because I was gonna go to a show, just for like-it was a nice night out. I want to-I felt like one drink at McNallys. I'm sitting by myself, this really pretty kind of modelish kind of bratty girl sits next to me. I'm just like ignoring her. Starts talking to me. And she was like, "Do you come here often." She's like, "Hey, do you come here often? What's going on?" We started talking, she gave me her number. And then the dude that she was gonna meet showed up, and I was like, "Hey, how's it going," whatever, and I just forgot about it. And she texted me yesterday. And it wasn't like anything weird, like, you know. It was like, "Hey, it was really cool meeting you, thanks for being a cool guy," whatever. I don't know, whatever it said. I was like, all right. And that's not really a sexual thing, but-

THERAPIST: It is.

CLIENT: Do you know what I'm saying?

THERAPIST: She gave you her number in a bar in a [overtalk].

CLIENT: Yeah. Because I was sitting there. And especially like I wasn'tI mean, I was really like in my head space. I was just having a beer, talking to the bartenders. I was kind of on the quiet side of the bar. I don't know. I just don't know. I don't understand anymore. So I think what I'm saying though is that part of like-that's why I feel like I need to like hibernate and really think about what is going on here. [23:00]

THERAPIST: It does-I mean, it still makes you wonder a lot of how-maybe there are ways that-you know, when I said make it explicit by saying that's the goal or not. Maybe that's always been the goal.

CLIENT: That is true, yeah.

THERAPIST: [overtalk]

CLIENT: Twenties, early thirties, yeah. Once I realized I could do that, and I got out of my shell and like started being all confident or whatever-and for a while pretending I was confident, then yeah, it's been like a-

THERAPIST: Well, and especially the bedrock. Even though this may not be what you're thinking a lot of the time, but if the earlier history when that started to develop was, "I don't know if I can."

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: "I don't know what I think of myself."

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: You know. So it's coming from wanting to get proof.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And if it's all the time. You know, is it a kind of that's how you are.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah, at this point it's just hardwired, you know. Yeah. In some ways that's why I like Maryany, because that's weird with her. Because we're friends, but we're flirty. You know, I don't know. It's not that I like-I don't know, but it's different with her. Maybe because she kinda does what you-not what you do, but she's studying all these psyche, you know. She's gonna be a fucking counselor or whatever. So she's all about like very honest, direct, like puts this stuff out there and talks about it. But-

THERAPIST: You mean rather than the games, or beating around the bush, or-

CLIENT: Yeah, like we'll be all flirty. Like she'll like hold my hand, she'll like be touching my back, and then she'll stop, like, "I feel like a jerk." You know, "I shouldn't be doing that." You know, and then we'll like kinda talk about it. And then she'll do it again, or what-I don't know. But-I don't know.

THERAPIST: It is hard to talk about it. [25:00]

CLIENT: Yeah, because I kinda don't know what I'm talking. Like I don't know what it is that I'm trying to say or why. It's even so in my mind, you know.

THERAPIST: I think it's [unclear] pause and just let it percolate. You often then go back to, "I don't know. I don't know." As though that's the end of the story.

CLIENT: No, it's not the end of the story, it's just I literally-again, it's like I-I don't know. Like a part of me last night was, "Okay, well, this is what I meant," when I was talking to Claire, or to Mary. It's exactly what I meant. She offered some sex. And I can go home and just not think about this. I'm not too invested in it. Do you know what I mean? [distortion, unclear] and yeah, I go home, feed my cat, and then just sit down and type, you know. So that was that part, just [distortion]. But yeah, it is what you're saying, I'm just worried that what it is, is something compulsive or something [down?]. [distortion, unclear]

THERAPIST: [unclear]

CLIENT: Right, [unclear].

THERAPIST: [distortion, unclear]

CLIENT: Right, right, right. And that's-I think I need to start [unclear] moving that angle.

THERAPIST: [unclear]

CLIENT: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

THERAPIST: [unclear]

CLIENT: That's why I always take that to [unclear] to be celibate, like just kinda put the breaks on.

THERAPIST: [unclear] [27:00]

CLIENT: [unclear] But even that just-I'm starting to wonder, it's like how. I have nothing against porn, but someone with my set of ingredients or factors, you know, I just feel like, I don't know if that's helpful, you know.

THERAPIST: Well, what's it do [inaudible].

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: What does it feel like not [inaudible].

CLIENT: Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say. Like I feel like I get to a place where I'm just like-like literally like a little more monastic. In the sense that, you want to fucking work? Well, stop cluttering your mind with-you know what I mean?-like these weird adventures. Like, what is that? Like, you know. Sometimes it's good, but not every single time I'm out. Or every single time I know that I can do it. You know. It's just I feel like all these things are a drain on your-they sap you.

THERAPIST: What if that were a challenge to work.

CLIENT: Yeah. And just like quiet, like, you know, quieting yourself a little bit. [pause]

THERAPIST: How about not getting out of bed this morning and coming here? [unclear] You just got laid, or-

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean, I was tired. But yeah, when I woke up I felt like-like now I feel pretty okay. Yeah, I felt really depressed-well, the night before like just really anxious. Like really, like almost like anxiety attack.

THERAPIST: Oh.

CLIENT: Yeah. I couldn't like control my thoughts, I felt super overwhelmed. And I think, yeah, so Kelly has just got this weird thing for me and it's very hard to feel like, yeah, that I'm gonna close that door, and she might not want to be friends, or she might not-or she might be really, really, really angry. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's triggering a lot of-I just feel really, really anxious.

THERAPIST: Wow, [unclear].

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Sleeping with someone else, I mean, I would think it could be sort of treating for these feelings.

CLIENT: Yeah, there is that too.

THERAPIST: So now that's also a piece of what you might-

CLIENT: Yeah, there is that too.

THERAPIST: [unclear] It's like the rush of erotic feeling or pleasure takes you away from loneliness, anxiety. [30:00]

CLIENT: Right, right.

THERAPIST: What else would be there if you weren't-didn't have the story of last night.

CLIENT: Right, right. [pause] So yeah. I think like today I really-I mean, we're supposed to go to this thing tomorrow, you know, and I just-I gotta suck it up today to do something. [pause] It just sucks.

THERAPIST: It really doesn't sound like you want to go.

CLIENT: I'm sorry?

THERAPIST: It really does not sound like you want to go. And also since like it's breaking your heart that you-

CLIENT: Exactly.

THERAPIST: You keep saying that.

CLIENT: That's exactly what's happening, yeah. Because I feel-I mean, how awful that like, yeah, I really, really like her. I'm really good on-like I like hanging out with her so much, you know. So it just-I don't know. That's the problem. That's why I'm unable to-otherwise I would have taken care of it already. I just feel like it just really, really, really sucks.

THERAPIST: It's a really hard choice to make.

CLIENT: Then again, you don't know until you've gotten over-yeah. I mean, it could be that she handles it with a lot of maturity. Who knows? But I just feel really guilty and awful, just kinda-I hate having to make a decision.

THERAPIST: So you associate-your associations go back to your words about her feelings.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Less than your own feelings.

CLIENT: Yeah. Well, my feelings, and also my worry that like, am I making a mistake? Am I making the wrong choice, am I being to rash?

THERAPIST: [unclear]

CLIENT: Yeah. Like maybe I should just suck it up and just go to Maine, and it's just one night, you know, whatever. But I feel like, but that's not the way you should go somewhere. I mean, like, what is it, a chore? That doesn't seem right either, you know. [32:10]

THERAPIST: I also wonder if you're identifying with her. You know kind of like what it feels like to be let go of.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: And could part of you, little boy inside you didn't get taken care of that way. You know?

CLIENT: Wait, what?

THERAPIST: Um, in your relationship with your mother. There are ways after you've sort of sworn yourself off unconsciously hurting other people in a way you were hurt. You will take care of other people-

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: -so often at the expense of yourself.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: So, you know, here it is sort of right out there, open and honest that you're gonna say no, I don't really want to spend this night with you, or this time with you. You know what that feels like.

CLIENT: Oh, I see, I see, yeah.

THERAPIST: So part of you, the guilt, you want to take care of her instead of yourself.

CLIENT: Yeah. Yup, yeah. Yeah. [pause]

THERAPIST: Tomorrow. [Brian?], a couple of days, we can talk at least tomorrow.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: The Friday before Memorial Weekend I'm gonna be out, so it's Friday the 24th. And then there are a couple other Fridays, two other Fridays where I have a complication at this exact time. One is just wanting to see if you bump till 3:30.

CLIENT: That's all right.

THERAPIST: That works? May 17th Friday I have to be out in the late afternoon. Could you come at 11:30 instead?

CLIENT: Yeah. So that's next Friday. The 17th is next.

THERAPIST: Is it?

CLIENT: Yup.

THERAPIST: Yes, next Friday. But we're good for tomorrow normal time.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: So [unclear].

CLIENT: Thank you very much.

THERAPIST: Next Friday 11:30, and the next one's out, one of them's back on, and then-

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: It's confusing. And then the last July dates are just when I'm going to be away on vacation. That's a ways away.

CLIENT: Okay. All right, thanks Tricia. See you tomorrow.

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