TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:00:00)

CLIENT: No, I appreciate it.

Look at you!

THERAPIST: (laughs) I forgot my work boots in my car, so…

CLIENT: Nice.

THERAPIST: These will do.

CLIENT: Mm-hmm, especially with what’s going on out there.

THERAPIST: Yeah. (laughs) Versus…

CLIENT: So I cannot wait to get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I’m done.

THERAPIST: You mean to Assyria?

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, not out of here. Yeah, I’m done. This could not be better. Life is about timing, a lot of times.

THERAPIST: What’s happening?

CLIENT: Everything feels right. I think it’s coinciding with what’s already been happening. It’s like the job: yeah, I was working there, but once I was let go, it all made sense.

This, even more, in the sense that I’m so done with—even when I realized, this week, is that what’s happened is I’ve changed so much that unfortunately, as comfortable as I am, as much as I love my apartment, I can’t keep living there now. [00:01:15] It’s like I’ve left my mom and all these dumbasses in the dust. Being right there is not working for me.

Now I’m not even interested in engaging them, even really arguing. When I do argue, it’s very fast, because I tell them right to their face. It’s not like before, when I can’t express myself and I get angry. I still get angry, but now I just articulate it better and very directly. Who cares? [00:02:00] What am I doing?

THERAPIST: Did something come up (inaudible at 00:02:07)?

CLIENT: I think it’s the normal stuff. Now it feels like, “What am I arguing about?”

My grandmother, that whole… I’m so done. That’s just a bad—it’s like a fucking Eugene O’Neill play, now. It’s bad. My uncle is being so weird, so weird. He refuses to put her in a nursing home. My other aunt, now, is basically living with her. That aunt is already a little bit – like I’ve said, she’s not like my mom in that way. That’s not a good combo. That is not a good combo. It’s not good for my grandmother.

I’m done. In my mind, my grandmother is—I’ve already let her go. [00:03:01] I savor whatever time. Now I realize it’s a physical thing. I love her. Yeah, she recognizes me. Now it’s all just bonus.

That and everything; I’m done. Because I’m in this mode where I don’t apologize anymore for anything, I’m not going to apologize. When my mom says something – one of her weird little jabs or whatever – I’m done. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not going to feel bad. If that’s the case, then I’m wasting—it’s not going to work to live there. That’s one little—it’s little but important.

It’s very symbolic. It was already that way, before this Assyria thing happened. [00:04:02] Now it feels like…

THERAPIST: You’re done with your family.

CLIENT: Yeah, I really am. I’m really done, I’m really done.

Today, again, I got a new plow guy. I hurt my hand plowing on Saturday. All these years, I’ve never hurt myself, but it was so heavy and so icy. I got a new plow guy today. I call my mom. She answered the phone like she’s just fought—she’s out of breath, she sounds miserable and fucking angry, sad—everything. It’s like, “No, I don’t think so. I’m having an okay day, I’m doing my best, I don’t need this shit anymore.”

That’s a little thing, but it’s not. It’s so symbolic of the way they are. [00:05:00]

Yeah, I’m done. I’m done. I’m done with not being understood, having to explain every-fucking-thing, or having to feel shitty. I don’t think so. I don’t think so.

On top of how awesome this has been, I even got a little sign out in the waiting room last week. Last week, right before you let me in, I was taking a picture; I don’t know if you noticed or not. For whatever reason, I don’t read the magazines. I generally sit there and think or play with my phone.

But I looked over to the magazines and in the stack – I don’t even know what magazine it was, because I didn’t have time – I saw the spines. And on the spine, all there was was a quote. It said, “When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” I was quickly taking the picture and my (inaudible at 00:06:01), “Oh, that’s a cool picture.”

Took the picture, forgot about it. Then today, I was like, “Oh, wait, there’s that awesome picture.” As I was putting it up on Facebook, I was like, “What is that quote?” It’s kind of cheesy, but it’s a good quote.

It’s Margaret Drabble. Margaret Drabble is a British writer who’s pretty well known. Coincidentally, my poems were in an anniversary issue of a magazine with her.

THERAPIST: Huh! (laughs) That’s funny.

CLIENT: Not trying to read into it, but that says it all, a little bit. It just made me—on a number of levels, like symbolically. But also, it was like this woman is important enough that they’ve taken a quote of hers and put it on a binder of some kind of journal or magazine that you guys keep out here, and my poems are in a magazine with her. [00:07:02]

That’s maybe a little thing that doesn’t matter to other people, but I really don’t give a fuck. That matters to me. I don’t have time for this crap anymore. I really, really don’t.

THERAPIST: It’s like it becomes, as you read that quote, as you find it’s her, it becomes more real and a little more integrated, that you’re a writer, that you published a book of poems, that you (inaudible at 00:07:34) book of poems.

There’s a way—we were talking, the last couple weeks, about how it felt like somehow, some way, you willed yourself into these things but it hasn’t really been integrated – your talents or perseverance along the lines of those talents.

There’s a way that sounds like it becomes it just is. That happened. That’s you.

CLIENT: I looked for the magazine. [00:08:01] I’m like, “Oh, there it is on Amazon with my name on it and everything.” Come on. What the fuck is happening here?

THERAPIST: Why doesn’t that get in here?

CLIENT: Yeah. It’s still going to take a while. I think things are going to progress very quickly when I get the fuck out of here.

The only reason I think it hasn’t integrated more is because I leave here, and then I’m right—if I leave here, I feel good, I’m like, “Oh, I’m working at this stuff.” But then, I have to deal with this shit. I think every day I make progress, and then I have to go back a little bit.

So I am moving forward, but in a stutter-step kind of way.

THERAPIST: You’re surrounded by (crosstalk at 00:08:55)

CLIENT: Yeah, I’m surrounded.

THERAPIST: It’s not even just tying up a past.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: It’s there.

CLIENT: Yeah, it’s there.

THERAPIST: It’s in your life right now. [00:09:00]

CLIENT: Yeah.

(pause)

The funny thing is I’m not even that worried, now, about money. I’m like, “You know what? I just need to get to Assyria.” I have places to stay. I’m only going to buy a one-way ticket – or even a two-way ticket, they’re so cheap in the off-season. I know I have a job, definitely, in the fall. I’m probably going to teach over the summer, in the summer program.

So, really, what does that mean? I need to either make do living with a friend from March to April or whatever, or I’ll find something else while I’m there. [00:10:05]

Everyone I’ve talked to, they’re like, “Dude, honestly, you need to be here. There’s so much going on. Someone like you? You’re going to thrive.”

My one friend put it a good way, he’s like, “I think we don’t get the statistics of the situation. You’re going to go there and you’re immediately going to be one of maybe 50 or less really, really talented people in the country. Not in the city, in the country. On the one hand, that’s sad. On the other hand, you’re going to thrive. It’s not like here, where you’re a dime a dozen.” Things like that. [00:11:00]

(pause)

It’s crazy. It’s as if that’s a whole other family, because it’s Assyrian. It’s not like going to the UK or Europe. There’s a crowd there of Assyrians who totally get it and support and are excited for me to be there.

THERAPIST: People you know?

CLIENT: Yeah, people I know, and even people I’m meeting on Facebook. The people I know, definitely.

It’s sad. In terms of my family, it really is like—I’m not even running away from anything. I love it here, but I cannot afford a decent—it’s just not happening. [00:12:04] Because I’m being principled about what I will do and won’t do and this and that, I can’t live here.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:12:14) even asked you last week, what if you got (crosstalk at 00:12:18)

CLIENT: Even if I could, right.

THERAPIST: You still were feeling like you still would want to go to Assyria.

CLIENT: I would still go. I think this is the time to give it a shot. I’m not going to do it when I’m 55. I mean, I might. I’m young.

I feel like things are happening. I’ve been writing a lot of songs. Things are percolating. I think when I get there (inaudible at 00:12:42). I’m excited to see what I’m going to do.

It’s sad in a way that, yeah, my mom doesn’t have other kids. [00:13:00] Again, that’s one of those things where it’s, “I don’t know what to tell you. You should have had more kids.” I can’t subject myself to this crap anymore. I can’t do it.

(pause)

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:13:20)

CLIENT: I’m sorry?

THERAPIST: It’s been even harder on you, that she only had one child.

CLIENT: Yeah, of course. She’ll say, “Oh, no, I know, I know.” Well, you don’t know. A.) If you did, you’d modify your idiotic behavior to make things a little easier for me. But B.) You’re not the kid, so how could you possibly know? Just like I don’t know what it’s like to be a widow and have a miscarriage. She can’t know.

(pause)

[00:14:00]

I think, in some ways, I’m already checked out. I’m like, “You know what? I’m going to go in March.” That’s around the corner. I’m coasting now. This is nonsense.

She’ll get nice revenue from upstairs and all this shit. It’s a break. It’s a clean break.

(pause)

[00:15:00]

Yesterday, I was saying, like, “Oh, I talked to George about Assyria.” She’s like, “Which George?” I’m like, “My friend in Oregon,” who she knows very well. She’s like, “Ugh, is he still married to that black girl?” I’m like, “Yeah.” She did her typical—they get very—they can be really—in Assyrian, there’s a great word “terse,” it literally kind of means reverse. It’s this perfect word for this mood – the expression on the face and snappy little bullshit comments.

I was like, “Dude, what?” So I was very direct, “Do you understand how ugly it is when you people talk this? It’s so ugly. And you think everyone thinks like you and they don’t. Even some of these Assyrian people that you think think like you – maybe they do, maybe they don’t, but you should really watch your fucking mouth, man. [00:16:06] Number two, who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? He’s happy; he’s my friend, that’s all I care about.”

Yeah, you know what? I wouldn’t marry a black girl. Not even because of anything racial – I’m not attracted to Asian women particularly, or whatever.

Who cares? Who gives a shit? It’s so ugly to talk like that.

Then, of course, she gets even more angry. This is her new thing, the last year or two. She’s like, “This anger of yours, you’re always angry.” I’m like, “No, I only get this way because of you. I leave this house and I never have this mood that I’m in right now. I never do. Even when things annoy me, it’s not this—because you people say the most idiotic and ugly things. [0:17:10] It’s maddening.”

THERAPIST: So she’s doing to George, in that statement, what she did to you your whole childhood. (crosstalk at 00:17:19)

CLIENT: Yeah. On top of this, it was like, “Do you understand that all these Assyrian guys I know are getting divorced from their Assyrian wives?”

This kid fell in love and has been with this woman for I think 14 years now. Who cares? And I said, “Fuck his parents, who are such Assyrian, such lovely people, for completely disowning their son. Would you do that? If I brought home a girl you didn’t like, you wouldn’t even do that to me. Think about that.”

It’s one of those things where I get worked up when I talk about it or when it happens. [00:18:03] I’m really good at then letting it go. I don’t even want to have to do that anymore. Now it’s at that level that I don’t even have to at all. That’s great that it doesn’t ruin my whole day.

THERAPIST: But why should it even ruin ten minutes of your day?

CLIENT: Exactly. I don’t have time for this shit. Go sit there and be a bitter, prejudiced person. I don’t know what to tell you. I want nothing to do with it anymore.

(pause)

THERAPIST: I imagine there’s so much you felt responsible for for her (inaudible at 00:18:54) much louder ways, because your father’s death (crosstalk at 00:18:59)

CLIENT: Oh, yeah. That’s the other thing, it’s all this shame. Today, “Oh, the tenants got up early and were shoveling.” I was like, “I don’t give a shit – good.” I’m very on top of it.

“So, wait, is something my fault?” She’s like, “No, who said something…?” I was like, “Well, then, what’s this dour report you’re giving me? It’s snowing. They got out and they shoveled, I don’t give a fuck.” Don’t give me these adjectives, like, “Oh, they were so exhausted, they got out there and they were…”

I was like, “Not my problem.” Call around, get a plow guy. I’ve said this every year. When I did get a plow guy, he was there, she was like, “He’s doing too much!” I’m like, “Nope. Do you want someone to clean the snow or no? If you don’t, you have to shut the fuck up. If you do want someone to clean the snow, then you still have to shut the fuck up and let him clean the snow and go.”

Nothing is ever, ever exactly the way the want it, because they don’t know what the fuck they want. [00:20:03] They’re just fucked-up people. That’s what has to stop. I can’t. I’ve already absorbed enough. It’s not my fault. I don’t feel that sense of shame. I do not give a fuck. You’ve been in this country since ‘65, ‘66? Give me a break. You should have made something of yourself.

Now it’s like you said, even the ten minutes or these little things that momentarily fucking enrage me. I don’t have time for that, even that momentary sap of energy.

THERAPIST: Your association to shoveling (inaudible at 00:20:46) bring up your father, I wonder if that’s one of the (crosstalk at 00:20:50)

CLIENT: Of course, these are all manly things.

THERAPIST: This is what he would do (crosstalk at 00:20:53)

CLIENT: Yeah, exactly. Oh, no, that’s her whole thing. “We have this house,” “What do you think, the house takes care of itself?” [00:21:03] Dude, you’re not living in a dilapidated shack. Calm the fuck down. Everything’s this worked-up thing.

Also – I don’t want to go there with her – you think dad was happy? You think he just skipped out there and was shoveling away? No, he was out there, gnawing at himself, like, “This fucking nagging wife and her shitty fucking family.” That’s an exaggeration, but I’m sure there were days like that.

Don’t make it sound like he was—there’s this sense that he robotically was a manly man, doing his thing. These guys all suffer in silence, is what they’re doing, because these fucking women—I mean, in this case, not all.

Him, my friends, there’s this unfortunate stereotype that’s so real. [00:22:07] Unfortunately, they can’t calm the fuck down. They talk loud. It’s nerve-rattling.

The men aren’t any better. Instead of coming here, they’re…

THERAPIST: Eating it.

CLIENT: Eating it. And drinking and smoking and whatever.

(pause)

I think what I’m feeling now is I can tell: I feel all this stuff here, and I think what it is it can tell that this momentous break is about to happen, and it’s already trying to come out. [00:23:01] Even before I’m gone.

(pause)

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:23:15) talk about your somatic symptoms, even that are sort of vague and (inaudible at 00:23:22) even come up when you’re feeling better. Seeing them as representations of what hasn’t yet been able to be filled – even spoken, you’re describing, the words are coming out. That the whatever’s down here in your, the idea that it’s coming out and it’s coming up and it’s really excited by what (crosstalk at 00:23:43)

CLIENT: It’s been so pent up. It’s been so pent up.

THERAPIST: It’s stuck in your body, literally.

CLIENT: I watched a clip—I was at the coffee shop, and something on Facebook. A very short film about this old Assyrian guy in the capital, who rollerblades almost every single day – it’s like a two-and-a-half minute film. [00:24:08]

I kind of cried in the shop. I literally shed tears at a fucking coffee shop. Because it was so beautiful, and everything he said—his English was actually really good, but he was mixing both.

It was so about all the things I’m about: living each day at a time; wherever you are, making the most of it; life is such an amazing, weird miracle that we’re even here and all these things. It was so beautiful. That’s why I’m leaving. Because none of that has anything to do with my family – my mom’s side. My dad’s side is all about that, even if they don’t verbalize it – they just live it, they don’t have to verbalize it. [00:25:01]

My mom’s side… It’s even shittier, because they just say it. They’ll piss you off, they’ll drive you insane, and in the same breath, they’ll be like, “In life, you have to take things lightly.” It’s even worse.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:25:19)

CLIENT: Yeah, it’s absolutely maddening. They will never get, when you say, “Dude, you’re the one…” I’m done. “Dude, you know what? Do whatever the fuck you’re going to do. Sit there and worry all day and fret about the Jews and about property taxes and whatever the fuck you’re going to fret about – the Poles or whatever. Then leave me alone.” You can’t even explain this shit to people, it’s so insane.

That little clip was so—even that was perfect timing! It’s the only beautiful thing like that I’ve seen from Assyria. [00:26:01] Assyria is—there aren’t a lot of—it just is what it is—there isn’t a lot of… It was so well-done. I don’t want to say “Western,” but just really, really well-done.

I was like, “Yep. This is why.” This guy is living there. You could tell from his apartment, the building he lives in, it doesn’t really have much and whatever. Doesn’t matter; he couldn’t do that here. He says he could, and maybe he could. It’s just not quite the same. It’s not, because you’re in a sea.

Over there, you’re talking about a whole country that has like two million people in it. There’s space there. Still economically—it’s not yet sucked-up in being completely part of this clusterfuck. You can carve out a little life for yourself and live in a ramshackle apartment and be happy enough. [00:27:04]

Whereas here? Maybe you could. I can’t. I’m too much of—we all say we want to, but what do we do? We go to yoga and we meditate, but then we’re stressed the rest of the day because of our jobs. It’s this weird… Whereas there? This guy is just that. That is what he is, 24 hours a day. There’s no, “Then I get up and I go to the office, but on the weekends, I love to do this rollerblading, it relaxes me.” No. He’s a true Bohemian guy.

I’m not saying that’s who I’m going to be, but the fact that those people are there? I want to part of it, at least while it lasts for another whatever years.

It’s kind of like Paris, in that way. Paris still has that people squatting in buildings and just starting movie theaters and weird sculpture parks behind abandoned lots. [00:28:08] That’s insane, but they’re able to do it – for now. And the city encourages them! So like, “Hey. Yeah. These buildings are just sitting here. So great, wow, a movie theater, that’s awesome.” That’s amazing.

(pause)

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:28:50) Assyria, that is a place where the voices of criticism about it not being enough, not doing enough, not making enough money, that kind of particular set of (inaudible at 00:29:02), which in a way is (inaudible at 00:29:04).

CLIENT: Big time.

THERAPIST: And can also get sort of soaked up in the capitalist United States, driven by the dollar at all costs. Where that voice would not be predominate, so much, so that you (crosstalk at 00:29:20)

CLIENT: It’s not perfect there at all. I know. I’ve already braced myself. I think there’s a lot that’s going to annoy me.

Again, it’s about, “Fine.” I’ve traveled enough, I’ve lived—yeah, I know perfectly well, now, that nowhere is going to be the perfect place.

But I think it’s going to be enough of a—there are enough pockets there to just be yourself and be among people that truly are excited about what you do.

Even more, they’re also interesting, wacky people. [00:30:01] That’s the other thing I’m lacking here. These people? I’m bored. Yeah, I love my friends, whatever. I love my Assyrian friends, but that’s whole point. I’m going to go there and meet people kind of like that. These wacky Assyrian people. Or non-Assyrians who are wacky enough to live.

My non-Assyrian friends? It’s very rare that I’m excited. It’s the same shit. They’re tired. They work. “How much do we owe for the tip?” Let’s all fucking take out our iPhones. This lifestyle’s just not doing it for me. Even the writers I meet, there’s something – I can’t put my finger on it.

I’m sure in San Diego, maybe it would be a little different, or Halifax something. There’s a hot-blooded—it’s Darien. [00:31:01] There’s no real Bohemian—other than these Assyrian friends of mine, who somehow just refuse to not be the way they are; refuse to conform, basically.

They conform enough, because we all have to. They get it. It’s like, “Well, of course, I need to make money. So I’ll start a diner or I’ll be a jeweler,” but they don’t give a fuck.

Whereas for my mom’s family, then it’s the opposite. If you’re a jeweler, it’s all about that: being the best jeweler, being a rich jeweler, all that shit. All that other stuff is tacked onto that. “He has a summer home in Assyria, every summer they go and they—” You know, that doesn’t mean shit. That’s all part and parcel of this rat race that they’re in. My uncle has a palatial Cape Cod home that I think only stresses him out. [00:32:00] I see no positive consequences of that fucking house.

Everything’s the opposite. (laughs) “Buying a huge house.” Great, well, now you have two years of a seemingly endless nightmare of renovations and zoning meetings and weird, WASP-y, bitchy neighbors. For what? For what? You already have a McMansion. It’s madness.

Assyria is more of these other types of people. They’re like, “What? Yeah, of course we need money. No shit.”

(pause)

THERAPIST: But not for financial prestige, it’s (crosstalk at 00:32:56)

CLIENT: These things are a given.

THERAPIST: Not for some people. [00:33:01]

CLIENT: What I’m saying is here, there’s this idea that artist this, that. That somehow, we’re lazy or we don’t get it or we don’t work hard. What they don’t understand is for us, there’s nothing to talk about regarding money. No fucking shit, of course you need money. Their logic is so weird.

The question is, is that all you want? That’s the question. No shit, we have to work. Why have I been working? Why have I been striving all these years?

That’s what annoys me. Say something I don’t know. Say something a little more nuanced. Basically, all you’re saying is wear yourself down to the nubs and just make money. Mother of God, whatever the fuck you do, and then just die. [00:34:01]

You’re going to enjoy that money when, what, you’re 80? When’s my uncle supposed to enjoy all this wealth? I’ll tell you right now he’s not. He’s not going to change. He’s already passed that. He’s in his late 50s. Clearly, this is just the way he is. His wife is clearly the way she. Really, these spoiled brats are going to have this wealth.

So now you tell me: who’s happier, me or my uncle? Me with all my issues.

I’d rather be with those kinds of people, who aren’t perfect. My Assyrian friends annoy me, too, but I’ll take it.

THERAPIST: That’s what I was thinking, is there’s a way it gets a little slippery, now, between Assyria or here (crosstalk at 00:35:01). Your two options are being here and having all this money-driven (crosstalk at 00:35:05) Assyria not that I think there might ultimately be ways of being here, if you wanted to be.

CLIENT: I want to.

THERAPIST: And feeling totally happy.

CLIENT: Oh, no, absolutely.

THERAPIST: (crosstalk at 00:35:16) your priorities are and living the life you want to live here.

CLIENT: Don’t get me wrong, I love it here.

THERAPIST: No, I know.

CLIENT: Whatever criticism I have, it’s because I love it here. It’s too sad. I can’t take it.

Today (laughs), a headline on one of the news sites was, “Two Dozen Economists Say Income Inequality Biggest Problem to Face American (inaudible at 00:35:45).” I wrote a Facebook thing that had the headline, it was like, “In other breaking news, it turns out the sun is fucking gigantic and super-hot.” No fucking shit! You think so? [00:36:00]

That’s just sad to me; and it’s sad to me that all we can do is, “Well, I’m going to put it on Facebook and go about my business.” Because we’ve passed that; it just is what it is. Clearly, no one cares enough to change the system – at least right now.

I can’t be here for that, day-in and day-out.

THERAPIST: That’s also where you in your internal process with your family. You’re tired of trying to change it. You’ve had that conversation with your mother. It doesn’t go that far. You at least can say your peace now, but you don’t even want to do that.

Maybe you want to get to a place where you don’t have to do that for a little while. But you might, one day, be able to come back in relation to (crosstalk at 00:36:42)

CLIENT: Which was the original plan, right?

THERAPIST: And have a voice here. Maybe people would learn from you (crosstalk at 00:36:46)

CLIENT: That was the original plan, where I came back. I’m like, “All right, I’m going to get my ducks in a row.” I can’t be here 12 months out of the year. Well, that’s what I’m doing.

THERAPIST: You may love it there. I’m not saying (crosstalk at 00:36:58)

CLIENT: What I’m saying is if I did love it there, even if I move there permanently, there’s no way that I’m not spending summers here. I love it here. This is the greatest town. I mean, I’m from here. We’re in such a cozy little bubble here: everything’s clean and quaint and even our fucking urbanized, shitty areas are really not shitty. I mean, I’m sorry, but I’ve driven through Falmouth 3:00, 4:00 – okay, yeah, you have to watch your back a little bit, but go to San Diego, St. Louis, Columbia, you name it. I love it.

Like you said, it’s about being here as 100% me, and not giving a shit, and not needing anything from anybody. I’m here in my capacity.

THERAPIST: On your own terms.

CLIENT: On my own terms, not explaining shit to anybody. [00:38:00] If they want to be cool with me, whatever, great. If not?

I think that’s where this is going to really… I mean, I’m hoping. It seems like… not be a huge, huge (inaudible at 00:38:16).

It helps that every single person is saying that. I’m saying the stuff here. With people, I’m definitely being more like, “Let’s see what happens. I’m excited. Who the fuck knows? I’ve never been there. Maybe I’ll turn around and fly right back, but that’s the whole point. I don’t care, Darien isn’t going anywhere.”

This level of all this stuff, I don’t quite go that far with people – but what I love is, they do. That’s a good sign. People here, people there, they’re like, “Dude, you’re going to thrive. You’re going to thrive there.” That makes me really excited, because they’re all such different people. [00:39:04] Whether they’re native Assyrians, or people from San Francisco or Phoenix, they’re so different, so for them all to say that is exciting.

THERAPIST: It does seem like it fits as a next (crosstalk at 00:39:26) on so many levels.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You don’t know for certain what it will like once you get there, but it sounds like you’re feeling with increasing certainty that it makes sense to (crosstalk at 00:39:36).

CLIENT: Yeah, no, it totally makes sense.

THERAPIST: Try it and see what it’s like.

CLIENT: Especially now that I know that I’m not going to starve.

THERAPIST: Yeah, you’ll have a job.

CLIENT: Honestly – I’m only saying this to you – I even have a feeling that even economically, I’m going to thrive there. I think it’s a trial period, but once they really see—I know myself well enough, now, to know the impression I make on people. [00:40:06] Somehow, I feel confident that I’m going to be able to do well.

THERAPIST: Work your way in in a way that’s permanent, if you wanted in.

CLIENT: Economically good—

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:40:24)

CLIENT: Not that I’m going to be loaded, but that I think I’m going to be quite comfortable.

THERAPIST: It’s exciting.

CLIENT: Yeah, I think so.

(pause)

Do we have time for me to tell you quickly about my dreams or no?

THERAPIST: We have a minute or so.

CLIENT: Oh, okay. It’s all right. [00:41:00] I’ll tell you tomorrow. I’ve been seeing a—

THERAPIST: Are they long? Are you going to tell me (crosstalk at 00:41:05) talk about it tomorrow—

CLIENT: I don’t remember a lot of detail, because I’ve been seeing so many. I know that they’ve been a lot of two things: one, I’ve seen some with my uncle and one or two of my cousins, where I’m giving them a piece of my mind.

THERAPIST: Huh. Your uncle this time.

CLIENT: Yeah, mostly about my grandmother.

Then I’ve seen some with my friend at the university. I’m not even sure what those were all about.

So yeah, my dreams have been very energetic and kind of stress dreams and kind of I-don’t-know-what dreams.

THERAPIST: But more empowered.

CLIENT: Yes, overall – more empowered, yeah. [00:42:00]

THERAPIST: I don’t know if the content of the one (crosstalk at 00:42:03)

CLIENT: Yeah. I don’t remember the details, but overall…

There was a dream where I was driving kind of sleepy again, but I knew what I was doing. Things like that.

Some psychosomatic stuff in the dreams: not feeling well or weird physical things.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:42:35) tomorrow?

CLIENT: Okay. Thanks, Claire. Have a good day.

THERAPIST: (inaudible at 00:42:40)

CLIENT: Okay, see you tomorrow.

END TRANSCRIPT