Client "AP", Session 167, Part 2: January 29, 2014: Client discusses the death of a friend's parent and his thoughts on his own family relations. Client discusses his upcoming move abroad and how it will be better than last time. trial
TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
THERAPIST: I just want to let you know I may be going away for a week in February – for part of the week, but it affects our session Wednesday through Friday. So the 19th, 20th and 21st I’ll be out.
CLIENT: I have logistical stuff actually for this week because the guys at Christian’s, their mom died yesterday, so tomorrow and Friday are family stuff. We’re going to go to their house, a wake, a funeral the next day. They’re right around our times.
THERAPIST: So for sure we should take them off?
CLIENT: Yes. I can’t not go. Sorry. [00:01:05]
THERAPIST: I’m sorry. Gosh.
CLIENT: I mean she was old, you know? But it just sucks. But do you know what’s really weird? Two things are really weird. One, she almost died the exact same day as her husband – literally hours apart. The other really weird thing is when their dad died that was then the summer I went to London and now I’m going to Assyria. It’s just weird. Not that I’m reading anything into it, but just – you know – it’s just funny how life kind of works. Things move on and change.
THERAPIST: Did you know her?
CLIENT: Yes.
THERAPIST: I know you know them extremely well. [00:01:59]
CLIENT: Yeah. Remember my dad died in their house?
THERAPIST: In their house?
CLIENT: Yeah. We go way, way back. Way back. There are three couples. They have lots of friends, but their parents and then this other friend, their parents, there were like these three couples. At least once a week they were at each other’s houses. So yeah, when I got older I wouldn’t go with them all the time, but yeah, I knew them very, very well. She wasn’t suffering or anything like that, but the last few years – this was the one I was saying is the opposite of my grandmother. She wanted to take medication, but she just sat there watching TV so her body just literally kind of – do you know what I mean? [00:03:04] (pause) So there is that, and then there are a few specific things I realized I have to deal with a little bit before I go. One is I’m definitely getting nervous about going and there is a part of me that’s not trying to talk me out of it, but playing devil’s advocate about everything. Two, I think the bigger thing I need to let go of is I find myself being so unhealthily attached to familial stupid dynamics. Part of me is like if I go then my mom is going to be alone and these other fucking family people are going to eat her alive, as if she needs a protector. [00:04:12] That’s just insane. What is that? Because of the way she is I think it’s, again, that pride and people taking advantage of you, which is only at the most very insignificantly true, if it is at all. I think I need to somehow let go because I don’t want to have that. It’s like I was saying last time, I don’t want to be all angry at my uncle or aunt when they are kind of douchy. But you know what? No one is forcing my mom to do anything. It’s just very simple. Let’s say they are complete assholes. [00:05:00] Let’s say my mom – she’s not calling them. That’s the problem. She can’t pick a side. They bother her but they get along and they hang out so then I’m the one that looks like a weirdo if I get so angry. So it’s like you can’t have it both ways. You can’t be complaining so much and then be with them all the time. I don’t like that about myself. I’ve got to really, truly separate or do away with whatever these sensitivities are that I have because she’s really done a number. I’m like yeah, my mom is old. What the fuck? She didn’t get to enjoy her retirement. It’s like well, what were you going to enjoy anyway? Were you going to go on cruises every year?
THERAPIST: And is she saying that? [00:05:57]
CLIENT: Kind of. Yesterday she kind of was because I asked about my grandmother, which I shouldn’t have done.
THERAPIST: So she’s saying she feels burned by them?
CLIENT: Yes. Now my aunt is here and she screwed up the whole system because those ladies were coming and taking care of my grandmother and now the whole system is like fucked up. Basically she’s saying my aunt is a freeloader kind of. She’s like she’s not taking proper care of grandma. She’s not really cooking, cleaning. She’s just here. I don’t know whatever is going on in Portsmouth. All this stuff so that they constantly want to come to my mom’s and hang out because, obviously, my aunt is going insane. I don’t know how anyone could live. So I was just like, “Don’t tell me.” I shouldn’t have asked about my grandmother. I was like, “I don’t want to hear these things because no one is forcing you to do anything. You’re making it sound like they are storming the gates and they’re going to knock your fucking door down. [00:07:02] Don’t answer your phone. If you don’t have the balls to just tell them, then don’t answer your phone. Leave the house. Buy a ticket and go to San Francisco for two months. You have all this family there. But you won’t.”
THERAPIST: Or just say that it’s time to put her in a nursing home.
CLIENT: She is being more vocal about that. Supposedly my uncle is now kind of looking. There is an Assyrian nursing home. That’s still their thing. There has to be someone who knows Assyrian, as if that fucking matters anymore. But fine. My mom is definitely being more vocal now, but this can’t continue like this. The thing is, so is my aunt. What I was saying to my mom is you have to understand she’s fucked up, too. Clearly she’s kind of homeless. Something is really wrong with her situation. She either can’t live with her daughter anymore – I don’t know what’s going on there, but something is not good.
THERAPIST: But no one knows what it is?
CLIENT: Not really. We know that they have no money and stuff like that, but I don’t know why she can’t just crash with her daughter and just make do – like why can’t she suck it up? [00:08:10] We’re not sure what’s going on with that. Her daughter started a business and customers come to the apartment. That could be part of it. And my uncle, I think he’s put his foot down. What’s he supposed to do now, also take care of my aunt and pay rent for her? I totally understand. Come on. He’s already given her son a job. He’s doing all this stuff for my grandmother. It’s a bit much. So it’s like this very bad situation. Regardless, I don’t care. You are three grown-ass adults. Deal with it. And if it is such a burden, no one is forcing you to do shit. [00:09:02] If I was to go and go off on my uncle, he’s just going to be annoyed and be like “no one is telling her to do anything. I’ve told her if you’re tired or if you’re . . . “So it’s just complaining. “I worked all my life. I thought I’d be able to relax a little bit after all those years of working.” You know what? First of all, that’s complaining. Everyone works their whole lives. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is I have to let go of this feeling that I’m going to go away to Assyria and my mom is just going to be eaten alive here by these Piranhas and she can’t fend for herself. Well, tough. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m a sensitive person and I can’t waste my energy being sensitive for bullshit.
THERAPIST: Even when you’re defending her she’s still not [happy.] (ph?) [00:10:01]
CLIENT: Yeah. I told her, “I’ve said this stuff a million times to you, so obviously you’re doing this to yourself. I told you to go to San Francisco I told you to just not answer the phone. Don’t answer the door. Tell them that you just can’t for one week . . . “
THERAPIST: Tell them just for three more weeks. That’s it.
CLIENT: That’s it. Yeah. And you won’t do it. So if you won’t do it, then you’ve got to shut the hell up or at least don’t tell me about it. Vent to your girlfriends or whatever who, by the way, are telling you what I’m telling you.
THERAPIST: So it’s actually protecting herself from herself. She’s been letting them do it to herself.
CLIENT: Yeah, of course. Is my aunt going to be a little annoyed or get her panties in a bunch? Of course she is. Who gives a shit? Who cares? She’s going to get over it. She isn’t going insane anyway with my grandmother. It’s not like she doesn’t know what the situation is, so just suck it up or shut the fuck up. One or the other. But again, regardless, what I’m saying though is she’s never going to stop complaining. [00:11:03] That’s what these people do. I need to be able to – which I have been doing a really good job of; but now that I’m leaving, suddenly this thing got triggered that I’m not going to be here. She’s going to be alone. It’s her way of thinking that somehow she’s going to be bullied. Whatever. I don’t even know what I’m thinking. It’s just irrational kinds of things.
THERAPIST: It makes me wonder if you identify with her in some way.
CLIENT: Well, yeah. In some ways, of course I do because I also do understand. I’m angry anyway, right? My uncle is, I think, being a douche about this whole situation. I think my aunt is kind of selfish. She doesn’t mean to be. I love her, but I think she’s just so fucked up from years of isolated Portsmouth living with no friends and a fucked-up husband, so it’s like on the one hand I have compassion for them. [00:12:03] On the other hand, it does annoy me that as many issues as my mom has, she sees this situation pretty clearly. She’s having trouble with her own dysfunction and dealing with it, but she sees it very clear-eyed. That does annoy me a little bit that they’re not more – maybe my uncle more than my aunt. This is my oldest sibling. I don’t know. That’s not fair because that’s what my mom would do. Not everyone is the exact way you want them to be. That doesn’t mean he’s being an asshole. He’s got his own life and his own stresses. He could be sitting around saying, “I’m all alone. I wish I had a brother. I have these two older sisters who are like moms, basically.” He could be saying that. “They just baby me and they just act crazy.” [00:13:01] Who knows? So I don’t want to get sucked into something that only makes me feel bad and makes me look bad. It unnecessarily causes tension with me and either my uncle or whatever when there just doesn’t need to be.
THERAPIST: You’re trying to make sure that you don’t get sucked into it. There is also trying to figure out why it sucks you in so much. Do you know what I mean? Who the Piranhas were when you were a kid.
CLIENT: You’ve got to remember this was programmed. There were many years when I was little where there were issues. There was feuding going on and my parents then would argue about that, and when you’re sensitive and way mature for your age they don’t realize that you’re picking up on all that shit.
THERAPIST: The phrase you used a couple of times is “eat her alive.” Is that something you remember feeling as a kid? [00:13:59]
CLIENT: Well, no, but there was just a sense of people being bullied.
THERAPIST: [Your parents?] (ph?)
CLIENT: Kind of ganged up on and this and that. My aunt, the one that passed away, was clearly the favorite. That’s just unfortunate. If I had just been one of my other cousins, that would have gone way over my head. I would just be playing and who gives a shit? But I would just pick up on these weird cues and get all sensitive and I’d be stewing.
THERAPIST: And protective.
CLIENT: Yeah. Protective.
THERAPIST: Feeling [you were getting hurt by these people.] (ph?)
CLIENT: Because as many issues as I have with my mom, they were in the right with those things. Some of these people were douchy. Now it happens in families. If I had just ignored it, eventually everything was fine. Things got cleared up. [00:15:01] People realized their mistakes and this and that, but it’s too late. Once you’re a kid and that’s all hard-wired into you because you don’t know. Then when you’re an only child and you already feel shy and isolated all these things conflated.
THERAPIST: They got pulled into politics?
CLIENT: Honestly I’m not sure. There would just be conversations and my aunt’s husband and my grandfather would kind of be on one side. Whether they meant it or not, they would kind of needle my mom and my dad. Yeah, it is kind of politics-cultured a little bit because my dad, because of my uncle, we come from a very – these things are very difficult to explain in little snippets. [00:16:10] There is basically like a very important Assyrian political party that really is the only one. There were three, but this one is really the one. It’s the important one. When Assyria was a country for all those years, this party was really what kept the diaspora really alive. My uncle, the pope, whatever, on that side there are two Vaticans, one in whatever and then the one for the rest of whatever. So that one is very closely affiliated with this because that kept things going. My dad wasn’t a member. Nobody in my family was a member of that, but incredibly sympathetic. It’s like we’re honorary members because of my uncle. My mom, for whatever reason, took that up. She feels very protective of that and that’s her thing. These other guys, my aunt’s husband came from the other side. That’s fine.
THERAPIST: They were against each other then?
CLIENT: There were a lot of violent – my uncle dying young and all of that – a lot of the nasty stuff that happened was because of this other side. My uncle wasn’t part of that, but he was part of that side. Then my grandfather was just wishy-washy. He has so much anger. One minute he’d be like a communist and the next minute he loved Reagan. So there was a period where they talked politics and eventually it would kind of get to this opposition thing and sometimes they would say one too many whatever whatever and then that’s it. [00:18:07]
THERAPIST: Yelling? What would it look like?
CLIENT: My mom would actually get more worked up than my dad. My dad is more like me. He will try as hard as possible. He’ll be joking and say nothing. I don’t remember them yelling, but I do know I’m like that. You don’t want to see me if that last button gets pushed. It’s one of those types of anger where the record will scratch and everybody just stops; whereas my mom very quickly would get combative. My grandfather was the type that he would just get up and yell. He just couldn’t walk home, just really some fucking angry – he just had a lot of anger. [00:19:04] So you can imagine for a number of years these kinds of weird things – so silly and completely pointless. But if you’re a kid and you’re sensitive to all that then – you know. (pause)
THERAPIST: Was it ever frightening?
CLIENT: No, but I remember being sad and angry. The thing is, I was very close. I wanted to be with everybody so it just made me angry that this was happening. On the one hand, I’d yell at my mom because I would want them to just let it go. But on the other hand, I would totally understand and I’d be pissed. Way too much for a kid to be concerned about.
THERAPIST: That’s the other part of the story that quietly hums as you’re talking about it that is not bundled up into your construction of the scene. [00:20:05] It’s that you were not, therefore, protected from this amount of anger and confrontation.
CLIENT: they didn’t know enough to know that I was sensitive to that.
THERAPIST: Actually, kids are sensitive to parents yelling, when they are yelling at each other and fighting. It’s one thing if you’re having a banter that gets a little heated over the dinner table about politics. This is at a level much higher than that. This is the kind of thing that actually would have been better, not just for you because you’re a sensitive kid, but for kids who are sponges for this kind of thing and also get overwhelmed very easily with things they don’t understand yet, so you’re being flooded with big feelings being expressed that you don’t know what to do with. What should have happened is they should have said, “Let’s talk about this later. There are kids around.” [00:21:04]
CLIENT: Right. Neither of them had that. It just wasn’t their way.
THERAPIST: Again that they’re not thinking about your minds. They’re not stepping outside their minds or the urgency to have the fight and say, “We need to table this. Arto is in the room.” So what happens is you become unnecessarily prematurely preoccupied with your parents’ minds, with protecting them, things that should not have been cares of yours. They should have been handling this behind closed doors. You’ve become preoccupied with it and I think this is what you’re saying you’re carrying through to this day that makes it even hard to separate and go off and have your life right now. You’re still so worried about protecting them because you were overburdened with this from way too young an age.
CLIENT: Yep. (long pause) [00:22:33] It’s probably because I’m the oldest grandchild and all that, but among my cousins it’s also why I’m the most sensitive. They’re oblivious to all that. If I express it to them sometimes they get it, but I think a lot of times because they avoided all that. Their parents had other issues – a loveless marriage, this, that – so they have other things, but this level of always being sensitive to injustices, they don’t feel that as much, not quite as much. [00:23:19]
THERAPIST: Were they around when these fights would happen?
CLIENT: Sometimes they were, but they were just younger. They were oblivious. They were too young to notice, which was the other thing. If I had had other cousins I could talk to about it that would have also been different. You know – like “fucking, stupid adults.” But I didn’t have that. And the one closest to my age, he had such ADD and he just didn’t get it. He didn’t understand. He just didn’t give a shit, which was healthy. It was kind of great, but I couldn’t be like that. [00:24:01] (pause)
THERAPIST: Is part of this playing devil’s advocate?
CLIENT: There is a lot. That’s not a big part of it because I know it’s so irrational. I think the bigger part of it is that I’m worried that . . . Well, that’s also irrational. It’s superficial, part of it. It’s like I want to go there and I’m at a very important age in my life. I want to go there and I’m not going to meet the kind of girls I’m really attracted to. Generally, I like fair-skinned, lighter-haired – and that’s rare in Assyria. [00:25:06] Beautiful. That can be absolutely beautiful, but I don’t even like thinking it. That’s kind of an irrational, weird thought. It’s like I’m going to squander opportunities here by going there instead of thinking there are going to be a shitload of opportunities there and lots of interesting people. There are Europeans that come in. There are all kinds of things going on, not to mention I’m not going to prison. I can come here. Just this idea that I’m going there is weird. It’s a weird feeling, but that’s been one thing.
THERAPIST: Is there someone in particular?
CLIENT: Not really, but lately I’ve had one of these runs where there are like six women who are interested in me. That’s part of it, I think. [00:26:04] I’m not in love with any of them, but just even physically or the way they are, I just worry that it is going to be different. What I have here is my total American that I connect to these women. There, I guess I have an Assyrian connection, but their dialect is kind of different. How am I going to really express myself like this, unless they know English pretty well? And even then it’s not a cultural . . . I don’t know. I just worry, but I don’t know why that is on my mind that much. I’m going for a great opportunity. [00:27:02] (pause)
THERAPIST: I wonder if it isn’t really feeling the fear of being alone.
CLIENT: Maybe. Maybe it’s just the nervousness that everything is going to be different and I’ve got to get used to a whole new fucking thing again. (pause) In some ways, I think it’s just normal nerves. I just feel nervous.
THERAPIST: This came up in a dream about Cecelia, how much was going to be new. [ ] (inaudible at 00:27:43)
CLIENT: Meanwhile, I’ve basically reserved my ticket. I finally found some very, very reasonable through a really good travel agent in San Francisco [00:28:06]
THERAPIST: Were your tickets on hold? Reserved?
CLIENT: Because they gave me a couple of dates, I’m trying to figure all this out in like a three to four week period. I’m trying to figure out which one would be best. I’m not doing anything yet that’s backing away, I’m just very aware that there is a part of me that feels nervous. I’m going to give up a lot of comforts. I’m going to have a new routine, so I have to balance and remind myself that you have a routine (laughs) but you have no income and there is a reason you wanted to go. [00:29:02] That’s a very good reason.
THERAPIST: It’s actually a reason that facilitates your having a relationship [ ] (inaudible at 00:29:11)
CLIENT: That’s what I was telling myself, too.
THERAPIST: If you stay here and felt stuck and without an income, I don’t think . . .
CLIENT: I would just keep doing the same thing, like juggling these women that I’m not really committing to. Just nonsense.
THERAPIST: Like the idea of taking a forward step – where are you going to live? You’ve said so many times “I need to get more of a foundation to have that and let the relationship be the next step” and that’s part of what you’re doing to get there, whether it’s back here or there.
CLIENT: And I do remind myself of that. I’m kind of forgetting that if they go as planned, which they seem like they will because I keep confirming different things, then it’s going to be great. [00:30:04] And again, if worse comes to worse, I’m just going to come back after a semester of teaching. Luckily I’m aware that it’s some irrational nervousness something.
THERAPIST: Does it relate to here in this at all? Like how [ ] (inaudible at 00:30:33). Are we going to be talking or not going to be talking, how often are we talking?
CLIENT: Not on some conscious level. I haven’t thought about it. I think it’s more triggering some of my worst moments in London when I felt so alone and kind of disoriented. Combining that with I’m so comfy here with my friends and all this. [00:31:00] But again, that’s when I have to stop myself. It’s not London, first of all. Second of all, I’ll have an income. Third of all, I know people there. Fourth of all, it’s not London. It’s probably going to be pretty fucking amazing. Now I might eventually get sick of it. There might be things that really annoy me at some point, but I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a lot of awesome-ness, too. Friends that I know and I’m going to meet a lot of people. Whatever that nervousness or that devil’s advocate is, I’m able to see it for what it is, kind of.
THERAPIST: The nervousness then is very specifically about being alone. [00:31:58]
CLIENT: Alone. Yeah, just alone, worried. What if I go and it’s not what I thought it was going to be? I’m kind of back at square one. But these are all kind of extreme scenarios, so it’s like there is no reason to quite get so black or white. It’s a place like any other. There are going to be some really amazing days and other days where it’s kind of bland and I am alone on that day; but that happens here, too. It’s just that here it’s so second nature. I can go two days with going nothing but staying home and going to the market.
THERAPIST: And in a way, that is not feeling alone. Even spaces can feel like company for people.
CLIENT: Yeah, when you’re from here. I know that my friend, Claire, is somewhere here. I know that George lives down the street. You take a right. [00:33:02] I just know that one phone call or I can get in the car and I know which way to go. Everything is like so second nature. I’m very lucky that way. I think that’s a great feeling, but there is no way in hell you can let that stop you from trying something or doing something to advance yourself. (pause)
THERAPIST: And you get to bring Cecelia with you.
CLIENT: Exactly. Even that makes me kind of nervous.
THERAPIST: How so?
CLIENT: She’s a little critter. I want her to be okay. I don’t know what kind of cat food they have there. She has such a little routine. [00:34:02] Again, I know that’s all kind of silly. She’s a cat. As long as we’re hanging out together and she has her little corner, she’s fine.
THERAPIST: It sounds like a projection onto her. (laughs)
CLIENT: Exactly. Exactly. (pause)
THERAPIST: I think she’ll be okay.
CLIENT: Yeah.
THERAPIST: She has you.
CLIENT: Exactly. Partners in crime. (pause) [00:34:59] I think on some level all of these things – I think I’ve brought it up before – all of these things boil down to one thing, which is that I’ve been so fucked up from family stuff that something in my refuses, even now when I’m doing so well, there is still something holding on that you can’t just be happy. Forget the word happy. I can’t just chill and be excited that I’m going to a new place. Like who cares. If my mom was saying these things, that’s what I would say. Why are you getting . . ? Just go. You don’t like it, you can come back. Enjoy it. You’re going to meet people. It’s going to be really fun. [00:35:59] That’s something. They’ve done such a number on me that I can’t. It’s like I’m getting there, but it’s just really, really hard – books, music, but anything. There is this void. It’s like calm down. Something is going to go wrong. It’s never as great as you think it is. There is something.
THERAPIST: Always something to doubt and [ ] (inaudible at 00:36:28). We were talking about your appearance and being attractive. It can’t just be. This is an amazing opportunity. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be a guaranteed blast all the time whatsoever.
CLIENT: Nothing is.
THERAPIST: It probably won’t be. Right. But it’s working and that’s good. It can’t just be good.
[00:37:00] This is connected back to how much you were flooded at way too young an age. These ages where kids should not be burdened with things that are adult matters, that they need the space to have what they are doing. Their game they’re playing. Just be that and nothing else to worry about but that game and their development around that game or friendship or school or whatever it may be.
CLIENT: But that’s the thing, a lot of parents project their own issues, whether it’s intentional or not. It doesn’t matter. So you grow up by proxy having these stupid fucking issues that aren’t yours. (pause) [00:37:57]
THERAPIST: You, in particular I think, became such a receptacle for so many of the issues in your mom’s family and her psyche. Her own self-loathing became something that she had played out through you in criticizing your appearance. It didn’t have to do with you. It had to do with herself and her own degraded view of herself. (long pause) [00:40:14] Are you okay?
CLIENT: Yeah. I just got lost in thought. I’m actually fine. I was thinking that it’s good that a lot of times when I have, not feelings, but those realizations, I have them and then I feel okay. It’s a good feeling.
THERAPIST: It lightens?
CLIENT: I was just thinking and I found myself kind of lost and I found myself feeling pretty okay. [00:41:02]
THERAPIST: Maybe for a second that you were lost in thought is a really good thing. Do you know what I mean? It’s a moment of what you, as a kid, didn’t get to do much. Like just relaxing.
CLIENT: Right. Or being lost in thought but really having your sense of self. Because I was just thinking it can make you kind of sad or whatever, but now I can think about it as that was then and that was fucked up. That sucks. But it doesn’t have the same . . . Then I was like, “Yeah, I love my shoes.” (laughs) I can just be like fuck it. It’s a little bit more of what I was saying about my other Assyrian friends. With a lot of them I notice that they use humor. [00:42:00] Sometimes they’ll be talking in Assyrian about something or other and they’ll be like, “Well, our parents are like that. They were just naïve. They just worked like dogs. They didn’t give us any guidance.” But they’ll say it in a kind of half-jokey way, then they just kind of move on. I don’t know how to explain it. I feel that now very often throughout the day where something will just pop up and I think what that is, is being your own person and realizing that that is fucked up – my uncle or my mom or this or that, my grandma – but that’s just not me. That has nothing to do with me. And that’s kind of liberating. You’re right, it lightens things. [00:43:01] You can contemplate it. You can kind of get bummed about it or whatever, but it doesn’t consume you.
THERAPIST: But it’s very different than thinking about it and then getting triggered into thinking that it’s you.
CLIENT: No, it doesn’t. My days aren’t thrown off – even yesterday. Yesterday was a little unusual. I did get a [ ] (inaudible at 00:43:25), these things I get. I went upstairs. I cranked up the Netflix. I had a sandwich. I forgot about it, so that’s really, really important. (pause) It’s that stupid saying that all you can do is control your own reactions to things. It’s like stopping yourself and not letting yourself get sucked into something that has nothing to do with you. [00:44:01] It’s a waste of energy.
THERAPIST: Even the self-doubting about going could have nothing to do with you.
CLIENT: That’s what I’m saying. That’s why it’s felt good to be like, “All right. I’m going. I’m pushing myself to do this even if I’m still incredibly nervous the day I leave.” It’s just got to happen. There are too many rationally good reasons (laughs) to allow for nervousness or any old voices to get in the way.
THERAPIST: It just sounds like it’s going to be good, Arto. I don’t mean great. Even if you go and you decide it’s not for you after a semester, that that will have been worth it. [00:45:01]
CLIENT: Absolutely. There is no question that it will be worth it because I have a feeling that even if I decide I don’t want to stay there for a semester, these things tend to open other doors, other things start happening.
THERAPIST: Or even what it does about opening your own sense of what now you don’t like about that, your orientation and relationship to the United States, to Darien. It just seems good no matter which way it plays out.
CLIENT: Absolutely.
THERAPIST: Not til Monday.
CLIENT: Sorry. Sorry about this. When in February?
THERAPIST: It’s the third week, so the 19th, 20th, 21st. I’ll write it down for you.
CLIENT: See you next week.
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