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(PAUSE) [00:01:00]

CLIENT: Thank you.

(PAUSE) [00:02:00]

CLIENT: I've had a really good last two weeks. My girlfriend and I just got back from vacation. And this is the first vacation in like three years that we haven't gotten in a fight. And it was actually very enjoyable. It was very relaxing. And we just did, you know, things that couples do, just a lot of activities, a lot of running around. But we had fun. And I guess I really hadn't experienced that side of my relationship. I hadn't really experienced the good things that do come out of my relationship, the good times that we have had or this is how, you know, our relationship should have been as opposed to the way it was before. [00:03:01]

I do feel that our communication is getting a lot better. Our communication is actually open. We do talk about more things. And the one thing I will say about my girlfriend is that she is very supportive of me. You know, she knows how I feel about my family and all the, you know, the anger that I have towards them and just the hatred that I have. And, you know, she has never forced me to do anything. She has never told me that it would be best if I did stop. She says, "No matter what you do, I'll support you." She... You know, she doesn't try to talk me into just doing things and sucking it up and just putting on a happy face. She says, you know, which is great, she says, "If you don't feel like doing it, why do it? If you don't feel like participating, then why are you going to participate?" [00:03:59]

And, you know, before, I used to just do it just for the hell of it, just, you know, to please everyone. But it's to the point now where, you know, I'm actually taking a lot of consideration and thinking about it. It's to the point where, you know, in order for me to help myself out and to avoid all the negativity and all the anger and just to help prevent creating more problems, I just don't want to associate myself with them. Will that change down the road? I don't know. But right now, for my own being, it's the path that I'm going to pursue. And when I've explained this to my parents, you know, my mother's on board with it. She's fine with it. She's upset a little bit. But my dad just doesn't understand it. He doesn't see why, you know, why I wouldn't just do this because my cousin's getting married at the beginning of August and it's my dad's sister's son and, you know, he's the one who we've had a lot of problems with and he's the one that gets everyone pissed off in the family. [00:05:09]

And I've made it clear that I'm not going to his wedding. And I've heard from my mother that my dad's really upset that I'm not going and he wants to know what kind of excuse I'll make for me why I'm not going. And I said, "You don't need to make an excuse. I just don't want to attend." And, for me, getting this point across to my dad and to my parents, yeah, I know it's hurtful, but it's for me. It's what I need to do. I don't need to go through the drama. I don't need to go through the negativity. I really, you know, in these last couple weeks and the months since, you know, my grandmother's passed away, you know, there's just been a lot of negativity, you know, from my mother about my dad's family. [00:06:01]

And it bothers me. I just don't want to associate with that anymore. I don't want to be a part of it. What happened before happened and there's nothing that I can change about it. The only thing that I can change is moving forward. And if they wanted to hurt me all those years in the past and, you know, think that there would be no consequences, well, they're wrong. The consequence is, you know, you're not going to be a part of my life. I don't want you to be a part of my life. You chose not to be a part of my life for twenty plus years. Now all of the sudden that my grandmother's gone, they're all trying to get back into my life. It doesn't work that way. And, for me, it's just... It's what I feel comfortable with. I used the explanation with my girlfriend is when I was in rehab for my drug addiction, I go, "The hardest thing I had to do was cut ties with all my best friends, all my dealers, and everything and just avoid those situations until I knew I was able to get back into that and wean my way off of the drugs and not have any of the temptation." [00:07:21]

And that was the hardest part that I ever had to do was tell my friends, "I can't do it," when I wanted to go hang out with them. I wanted to drop everything and go hang out with my buddies because I did like doing that. I did like their company. And then knowing that they were like, "Oh, you're not going to come out anyway. You're not going to do that." You know, when they didn't know what I was doing behind the scenes. They didn't know the treatment that I was doing. They didn't know the facility that I was in. They didn't know my state at the time. And this is kind of like what I feel now is I do need a break from this stuff. [00:08:03]

In order for me to fully recover, for me to start my healing process, I need to keep myself away from negative situations, from hostile environments where the temptation could be there. And I understand people might be hurt by it but it's what I need to do. It's what works best for me to help me in my treatment. And, you know, as long as my girlfriend's on board, I, you know, I'm confident in my decision because I do know that I have one support system there. My parents are something that I'll deal with along the line. It is difficult though because, you know... (SIGH) Seeing what I went through the recover, seeing the steps that I needed to take, seeing the process that I went through to get myself healthy again, to get myself off the drugs and then seeing the situation I'm in now, it's just two totally different things because I think a lot more emotion's involved because it is people that I supposedly love. But... (SIGH) [00:09:21]

THERAPIST: How do you mean "supposedly?"

CLIENT: Well, they're family. You're supposed to love them no matter what. And, for me, I don't have that connection with them. I don't have that emotion to them. In my mind, they're just acquaintances. They're just people that I've known along the way and every time there's a holiday or something they're just there. Would I go out of my way to see them? Probably not. Have I made it clear that I don't want to associate with them? I have. [00:09:57]

My cousin's daughter's birth I didn't go to see them in the hospital. His daughter's christening I didn't attend. His daughter's birthday I didn't attend. Everything that they have I have not attended. And, you know, it's only so much more that, you know, you need to see that I don't want to associate with you. And I think the wedding in August is really going to be, you know... (SIGH) I don't know if they're just that blind or that they don't think anything is wrong because come, you know, August when I don't go to the wedding, you know, I'm sure I'm going to look like the bad guy. But I'm fully prepared for it because I've been a bad guy, apparently, for twenty plus years where I was always the one who did stuff that wasn't right, I was the only one, always the one who couldn't make the right choice. I was always the one who was just (SIGH) different. [00:11:01]

THERAPIST: Well, the upshot it you're seen as the bad guy. It doesn't seem like you would accomplish anything that way.

CLIENT: No. And that's what I've come to because, you know, back when, you know, I wanted to stir the pot and do all these things, I had come to the realization was it's not going to matter if I go or not. I already have this image of being the bad guy. I already have this perception that people look at me that because of my mother, because of, you know, what we've done as children, you know, we can't do any right. And it is what it is. I've come to the reality of it is that's what it's going to be. But I've also come to the reality where I'm not going to put on the fake smile. I'm not going to put on that everything is good in my life with them, that, you know, we have no problems. You know, that's a reality that needs to be faced. [00:11:57]

And if people want to start asking questions, I'll answer them. But I'm not going to bring it up unless they start asking me questions, unless they approach me because, in my instance, it's what I need to do to get healthy, to make my life more less stressful and more negative free.

THERAPIST: Wait. I'm missing this. What is it that you need to get healthy? You need...

CLIENT: To not associate with the negativity that...

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: ...that my mother and everybody has towards my dad's sister and her family. I just don't want to be involved it in anymore. I'm sick of it. It's not my problem. It's not something I want to associate with anymore. That's something that they need to work out. And it frustrates me because my mother does just sit and think about it and get all worked up every time I'm home, you know, tries to tell me everything that's going on and I... [00:13:05]

It's really hard to tune it out because I don't care. I don't care about it. I don't care what this one's doing. I don't care what that one's doing. It's not my problem. I mean, I'm trying to move on with my life. I'm trying to take the next step and, you know, I want my parents involved in that step. But the more and more that this nonsense carries on, the more I don't... I mean, I say to myself now I'm avoiding my parents even more. I don't... You know, I've been staying at my girlfriend's for the last month just because I need to eliminate that out of my life. I need to eliminate the negativity. And, for me, that's the hardest thing I've had to do is everywhere I go there seems to be a lot of negativity that surrounds me in the group of people that surrounds me where you can pick and choose your friends but you can't choose your family. [00:14:09]

And that's the problem is that there's still so much negativity. There's still so much tension that's going on there. Personally, it will not help me in my treatment because since I've, you know, avoided it, since I've kind of kept my distance, my anxiety has gone down a lot, my stress has gone down a lot, and I'm not anxious about anything anymore as I used to be. And, for me, that's a step in the right direction because since my overdose, I have been extremely, extremely anxious. We talked about, you know, the having trouble falling asleep unless I have people there. [00:15:03]

I have had a couple of those in the past couple weeks where I've fallen asleep and woken up and thought I was having a heart attack and I don't know what it is or what triggers it. But there's still that little bit of anxiety in me. There's still that fear of me going to sleep sometimes when, you know, I don't think I'm going to wake up. And that scares me especially now. I shouldn't be worrying about things like that at my age, at twenty nine. But that scares me and that is the reality that I'm living in and I'm doing the best that I can to deal with that reality. I'm doing my... You know, I've started to try and do a little bit of meditation. I've tried to do some mind exercises that relaxes the mind, that clears the mind. [00:16:05]

And, for me, that's helped a lot because it just, it puts out the negative that's been filled in my mind. But the problem is there's so much negativity in there. There's so much anger. There's so much hatred that's still built up in there. It stresses me out. It makes me anxious because the more I talk about being able to let it go, about being able to move on to the next step whenever I visit my mother, it brings it back down and I feel like I can't move forward and I can't climb to the next step and overcome the next hurdle that I have and it's really hard to tell your mother that. [00:16:57]

You know, she needs to stop that because my fear is for her that she's going to have a stroke or a heart attack because she gets so worked up over nothing. And, for me, I think that anxiety, her anxiety, her anger builds up on me and she tries to put it on us. And it's really frustrating because this is, again, this is the process that I grew up with. This is over twenty years of this emotions being put on me, this negativity being put into me and it's just... It's really hard for me to control sometimes. I mean, there were times in the last couple weeks where I just get, you know, I don't get enraged anymore like I used to. My body doesn't tingle. But I can feel the anger coming and there's times when I just need to go outside and just yell and just get that out of me, get that anger out of me that way or some way so I don't explode on my girlfriend. [00:18:09]

THERAPIST: Well, what are you angry about?

CLIENT: I don't know. It's just... Like before I talked about when I used to get enraged, there were like certain symptoms that or situations that, when I was there, no matter what I couldn't control it. I was blacked out and I just get in a fury. Well, here, it's kind of the same way where it's something that'll be completely subtle that's not... (LAUGHTER) ...not a big deal by any means but I'll snap. I'll just get... My emotion will just go from zero, calm to very angry and I'll start, I'll take a deep breath because I can feel it coming and then I'll go and I'll scream or I'll sit down and I'll try to control my breathing. [00:19:07]

And that's what scares me is that there's... I don't even know what it is that gets me like that. I mean, I don't know if it's a word, if it's a situation, if it's a dream or what. I mean, it's calmed down a lot but it's still... It freaks me out how I can just snap like that, how any situation I could be sitting there laughing, having a good time and then all of the sudden if I get the wrong smirk or something, boom. Then all of the sudden my move totally changes, my body changes. I get all... You know, I don't get tense but my breathing increases. I start breathing a little heavier. I start breathing... You know? [00:20:03]

And then I have to step away and my girlfriend's nothing it too where she sees me get like this. Before, she used to chime in. Now she stays away. She just sits there because she knows it's like a tantrum. She lets it pass. She lets me do my screaming, do my yelling, whatever I need to do to get it out of me and then she'll wait for me to talk to her first. And I do feel bad because when I get like that, she is scared because previously, I used to, she used to chime in and ask and then that's when I'd go off and that's when I, you know, start attacking her and that's not what I want to do anymore.

THERAPIST: Well, yeah. I mean, I guess it's hard for us to work on the anger if you're not sure what specifically sets you off.

CLIENT: I don't... And that's what's frustrating to me is I don't know what sets me off. [00:21:01]

I see the same personality that I have that my mother has because my mother is the same way. She goes from being calm and everything to, boom. She snaps like that. But hers has to do with my dad's family. Hers has to do with, you know, her hatred toward my aunt and towards, you know, everything that goes on there or it's just something little where you ask my mother to do something and boom, she just gets mad and starts yelling to herself and getting pissed off and yelling about stuff. And I don't know what that is either. I mean, my mother gets mad at little things. Like, my dad's business, the house phone rings. She gets pissed off that she has to answer the phone. Why? Why do you get angry at stuff like that? You're helping my dad out. You're helping your husband out so you guys can live. [00:21:59]

And that's kind of like what I used to get is little things like that used to irritate me. But now, when I go to my mother's house, I get that way when she starts talking about stupid things like my aunt and my cousin and all that stuff is I get that where I want to just tell her to shut up. I don't want to hear it but I don't want to raise my voice to my mother. I don't want to disrespect my mom. You know? And that's the hardest part I have is telling her in a nice way that she's got to cut the crap. She's got to stop letting that bother her. She's got to stop, you know, putting that on me. I don't care. I don't want it. I don't need it in my life. And that bothers me. You know? I mean, I will say that I do... You know, my, you know... I do have road rage. I get that from my dad. You know? (LAUGHTER) [00:23:03]

I get that from my dad. And it sucks because it's what I've seen. That's what I've grown up with. That's what I've learned all these years. I mean, granted, my rage has gotten better because I've become more of a defensive driver as opposed to the aggressive driver. And (SIGH) just stupid things like coming in today. As soon as I got out of the car, it started raining. I got really upset. I just started yelling in my car.

THERAPIST: What upset you about it raining?

CLIENT: Because I had to go somewhere and right before I had to go out, it had to start pouring. And I was just cursing and just going in a little tantrum.

THERAPIST: And what were you cursing at?

CLIENT: The rain. Calling it every name in the book. Why it had to come now? Why couldn't you wait five minutes after I'd already was inside to my thing? It's always when I have to go out and do stuff. Something innocent like that I get irritated by. [00:24:15]

THERAPIST: It sounds like you felt the victim of it, like it was doing something to you.

CLIENT: (LAUGHTER) I guess. I don't know.

THERAPIST: How could you do this to me?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: I'm going somewhere. How could you start raining?

CLIENT: Yeah. It happens all the time. Little things like that piss me off. That's... Nobody did anything to me. Nobody didn't plan anything. "Oh right as he gets out of the car we're going to rain." But that's what happens. That's what I'm going through right now. That's what I'm trying to work on is stupid little things like it raining right before I get out of the car. [00:24:59]

I snap. I go through my little tantrum, about five minutes. In the walk over here, I was fine. I was calm. I was cool. You know, and everything was going good. But those are the little issues that irritate me. Those are the little things that piss me off and I don't know why they piss me off. I don't know where that anger comes from over rain. I really don't. That irritates me. And it frustrates me to the point where how can I get so angry over something like that? How can something so innocent set me off where I go on a tantrum for five minutes and then boom, I'm done? [00:25:53]

THERAPIST: Well, it does sounds like you feel kind of like the victim of something and it makes you feel helpless.

CLIENT: Could be. I mean, it could be the fact that, you know, I've been a victim, in my eyes, for a while since I was a child, you know, going back to my being overweight and just everybody picking on me and saying all the old things and, you know, me not being the athlete that I wanted to be because the weight held me back. I used to always say that if I had my little brother's body, I would have played somewhere for hockey. You know, I would have played somewhere for baseball. But I didn't. I guess I always felt bad for myself because I felt like I did this to me. I let this get this way and I'm the only one that can fix it. But when I'm a, I don't know, seven or eight year old boy, how can I control what my mother buys? How can I control what I eat? How am I supposed to know what's good for me, what's bad for me? [00:27:11]

When my mother is depressed, tells us she's depressed and all the does is eat. But yet, while she's depressed, me being a kid and not knowing it. I guess I was depressed because I would just sit there and eat the junk that she'd buy, that she'd eat. And, for me, it's frustrating. It's even now, to this day, when I go in my house and I see the junk that my mother has. It... (SIGH) That pisses me off too because I see, you know, living with my girlfriend, I see the food that we have. I see the health food we have, how we do, you know, watch what we eat, how we do exercise, you know, on a regular basis. [00:28:03]

And then I go to my parents' house and then there's all this garbage, there's all this high fat foods and, you know, candy and sweets and my mother's always trying to push them on me. And it agitates me. I don't want it. You know, she gets mad when she buys fruit and complains that all the fruit's going, you know, rotten and nobody's eating it or she buys vegetables and nobody's eats it. I go, "Well, you can't buy that and then go buy chips. What do you think people are going to chose?"

THERAPIST: I was thinking, this is how you feel about your parents' house on many levels because you feel like they entice you with all sorts of stuff that tastes good but it bad for you.

CLIENT: Mm hmm.

THERAPIST: Like, "Here's some money. Here's some money. Stay here." But it's bad for you because it doesn't make you feel like you can be an independent person and take care of yourself and then you want to feel like, "Well, you know, all these nice things. I don't want to be on my own and have to do with less." [00:29:05]

CLIENT: And that's the hardest part is because it is a vicious cycle because every time you try to get away, you try to move on and better yourself, boom, they are sucking you back. And that's frustrating for me. I think the best thing that I ever did was I moved back home in November and I tried living the life that I thought I wanted and the more and more that I stayed there, the more I realized I don't want to be there. I don't want to surround myself with that anymore. I want the life that I have with my girlfriend. I want the life that, you know, is moving in the right direction. [00:29:57]

That's a much more positive life in my life in my eyes because there isn't the... I guess, go back to the food. (SIGH) My mother has this negative attitude. The food that she's feeding us is all negative foods. It makes you feel depressed. It makes you feel angry. It makes you feel giddy. The food's that I'm eating now are more positive foods. They're more healthy for me. They're more, you know, nutrient rich for me and my mood has changed so much just by eating the better foods that were there for me. And I... (SIGH) And then working out and being healthy and having a sort of self worth now that I've been away from my parents' house has made me feel so much better, has cut down on my anxiety, has cut down on my stress, has cut down on my being very aggressive towards my girlfriend, being very argumentative towards other people. Do I still have my tantrums? Absolutely. [00:31:07]

Are they are frequent? Not as much as they were. And, I mean, do I get them all the time? Not all the time. But maybe once a day as opposed to three, four times a day. Maybe six, seven a week as opposed to thirty or forty times a week. For me, that's successful. That's moving in the right direction. That's being able to control something to a degree but not grasping it yet. And the one thing that, you know, I need to think about more and I need to really try to pay attention to is when I'm getting my tantrums, when I'm freaking out over nothing, what's causing it to happen for me to get angry and start yelling. [00:32:17]

I think once we, once I do that, we can figure out my anger issues. I can figure out why I'm putting so much emotion into nothing because I do look at, you know, at what you said earlier about me being a victim. I guess that is true because whenever I was going to do something, something is always going to come and dampen my day and make it, you know, instead of sunny and bright, it comes and makes it grey and rainy and it bothers me. You know, I'm trying to think back to when I was a child, you know, if there was anything that bothered me to the point where I felt victimized. [00:33:07]

I mean, I did really feel victimized because I didn't think I stood a change, being an overweight kid. You know, now there's all these studies on obesity and all this data on how obesity affects children growing up. Well, when I was a child growing up, they didn't have this data. Well, it was starting to be collected. And I kind of feel that I got the short end of the stick because I feel that if my parents were aware of this back in the day, back when I was growing up, maybe they would have done something to prevent me from getting the way I was, from me getting as big as I was. I do, and this is a messed up theory, is I do think, you know, maybe my mother bought all this food and got us, you know, helped us get to the obesity that we were to spite my grandmother. [00:34:15]

THERAPIST: Mmm.

CLIENT: To say, "That's fine. You don't like my kids. They're always wrong." Well, instead of them being hurt or, you know... Because she was hurt by what my grandmother did and said to us, she would always eat. So maybe she felt that we were hurting the same as her and we needed to comfort ourselves the way she did with food. I don't know because (SIGH) obesity did not run in my family. My mother was a very petite girl. She was about a hundred and fifteen pounds her whole life and then she says she married my dad and gained two hundred pounds, a hundred pounds. [00:35:07]

THERAPIST: Does she weigh over two hundred pounds?

CLIENT: She's about 180 now.

THERAPIST: Mmm.

CLIENT: She was over two hundred. But she was, you know... And all her sisters were the same way. My dad was obese as a kid. But he trimmed out as he got older and now he's back to, you know, his 185, 190 pounds. You know? And it frustrates me because I've always struggled with weight. Weight has been my major problem my whole life because I never feel I had it on top. I was never on top of it. I do... A perfect example. I do feel that I'm a victim because I'll stay on my weight lifting and my eating regime (ph) for two weeks and I'll only lose three pounds. [00:36:03]

THERAPIST: That's not bad. A pound and a half a week.

CLIENT: It's not. But for me, it's frustrating because I should be seeing more, because I watch like The Biggest Loser and I see what these people are doing and they're losing ten and fifteen pounds a week. But, I mean, I've lived through it. I've lost over a hundred pounds before. But I've gained it back, not all of it, most of it. And the hardest part is keeping your weight off once you lose it. And that's the fight that I deal with everyday is, okay, I can eat... And this is where my problem comes in is I can eat... (SIGH) I should eat fruits and vegetables and all that stuff. But I should also portion size them. However, my filter is, "Well, they're vegetables and they're fruits. I can eat as many as I want." [00:37:05]

And that's where I get into trouble. That's where I'm eating more than I should be. That's where there's no filter that says that I'm full. But I always eat until I'm stuffed not comfortable. And when I was a kid I used to, we used to joke about how much we could eat and see how uncomfortable we could be. And it was frustrating. You know, looking back on what I ate as a kid, I'd go out to dinner for something and then I'd come home and an hour later I'd be eating again. Why? I just ate something. You know, a big meal an hour ago and now I'm coming home and pretty much having a snack. That bothers me. [00:37:55]

And I don't know why I would eat. I don't know if it was just because I... I know it's not because I was hungry. Did I eat because it was there and it was what to do? I don't know. And, you know, I tell myself everyday is that's what I'm going to change about my life. What I'm going to change about moving forward and the decisions that I make, you know, with me and my girlfriend is I'm going to make the positive choice now. I'm not going to make the negative choice. I'm not going to (SIGH) exploit myself to this negative energy, to put myself in all these negative vibes that, you know, my family possesses and that's the hardest part is if I could walk away from my family for a period of time and have no contact with them, I think I probably would. [00:39:11]

THERAPIST: What do you mean if you could?

CLIENT: If I could.

THERAPIST: Well, why couldn't you?

CLIENT: Because it would be too hurtful on me. It would be too hurtful on me not to see them because I've already lived it once on my friends and that's how hurtful it was to me is not to be able to see people when you're fully capable of doing it. I just don't think I could last. (PAUSE) And that's... (SIGH) These are the decisions that I'm trying to make, I'm trying to go through in my head and discuss with my girlfriend what to do. [00:40:03]

She's having the same problems. Do we really cut off our mothers and not speak to them? Do I really want to cut off my parents and my siblings and not speak to them or talk to them? I do. Can I? I don't... Because I do have that emotional attachment to them. I do love them unconditionally. But, for me, I can't associate with them as much as I used to.

THERAPIST: Well, but it does seem at some point you need to negotiate a different kind of relationship because you're still in this very dependent kind of relationship.

CLIENT: I agree. I agree. But the hardest part is bringing it up.

THERAPIST: I'm just talking about sort of with just the financial dependency too. It's not about what to bring up with them. It's what you do yourself, what decisions you make. [00:41:09]

CLIENT: Yeah. No, I agree. And that's something that I'm working on. I mean, I've come to the reality that (SIGH) you know, I've stopped feeling bad for myself financially because, you know, I took into account what you said about I could be out there making money. I'm choosing not to.

THERAPIST: I know. I was thinking, you know, it does seem like you feel a lot of things have gotten better in your life and I'm so happy to hear that. But there does seem things... Like we've been working together for quite some time and I'm not really sure what you're waiting for to make these changes. Isn't it a bad situation to be almost thirty and to be completely reliant on your girlfriend and your parents?

CLIENT: No. Believe me, I know. I'm seeing it. [00:41:59]

THERAPIST: And the question is what... Yeah. I mean, it seems like you're almost waiting and the only person who can make that change is you.

CLIENT: No, I agree. And that's what I'm working on. That's the hardest part I've had because I guess I didn't really understand what I wanted until now and that's why it's taking so long for me to do all the stuff that I'm doing. It took me a while to understand that I really wanted to be an educator.

THERAPIST: What do you think stops you from going across the street and seeing if they have a job?

CLIENT: Because it's not what I want to do.

THERAPIST: You don't have to want to do it. You can do it for several months until you figure out what you want to do.

CLIENT: No, I understand that. But that's... I guess, you know, and my girlfriend has told me this, is there's kind of an entitlement where I have my master's degree. I'm not going to go bag groceries. I have... [00:43:01]

THERAPIST: Half the people have their master's degree at the food store. (LAUGHTER)

CLIENT: Tell me about it.

THERAPIST: Go to those food stores.

CLIENT: Tell me about it. And that's the hard part too is because, you know, I guess I just got the bad experience from working at the restaurant when I had the master's degree and was working at the restaurant. I kind of felt it was beneath me when people just look at you and they're like, "You're working at a restaurant? You have your master's degree?" I guess it all comes down to the status thing that we talked about earlier. Everything that my dad has and everything about, you know, what everybody in my, you know, the male culture of my culture is a status thing.

THERAPIST: But, I mean, to be frank, like, being unemployed is not a good status either. (LAUGHTER) [00:43:59]

CLIENT: But that's what our parents want, our parents would rather that. Because I have a friend who is the same nationality, same problems going on. Mom and dad pay for everything. When we try to better ourselves, mom and dad, I think they don't want to lose the power over us. They don't want to lose the decision making over us because that's the one thing they do have over us because they know if we need something, we can get it. I guess that's what I haven't overcome yet either is that's the hardest part is breaking away from your parents because, in my culture, it's not just me that I see it. It's a lot of people. My cousins have their own families, their own homes, are always over at their parents' with their kids. [00:44:59]

THERAPIST: But they have their own home.

CLIENT: But they have their own home but they're always going back to their parents'.

THERAPIST: Maybe. But it's still different to have your own home.

CLIENT: No. I would agree.

THERAPIST: I understand what you're saying.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: There's a whole culture.

CLIENT: There's a whole cultural thing and even they don't understand the new way of thinking. I mean, they don't understand how can you hate your family?

THERAPIST: But we're not talking about hating your family. We're talking about your having a different relationship with them.

CLIENT: No. I agree. But they don't...

THERAPIST: What does it matter what they think?

CLIENT: Huh?

THERAPIST: What does it matter what they think? Who cares?

CLIENT: I don't know.

THERAPIST: It's your life.

CLIENT: I know that. But I also want to be looked at as a positive person because maybe I've been looked at as a negative person my whole life.

THERAPIST: So you feel like having your own place would make you look like a negative person?

CLIENT: (SIGH)

THERAPIST: I mean, you feel like living with them makes you feel like, look like a positive person?

CLIENT: No because no matter what I'll always be judged. I guess it's the fearful of being judged by my family and by my peers because everything is judgmental and my girlfriend said this to me the other day and I didn't really understand it but she goes everything that I do, everything that she does, we're judged on. I guess that's kind of what's scaring me about getting engaged is being judged. (PAUSE) Moving forward to the next step is scaring me because I want to be judged in a positive way, not a negative way.

THERAPIST: I guess I'm not sure how getting a job would make you be judged. I'm not following...

CLIENT: Well, it's a status thing and it's also ego thing for me is I, you know, the one thing that does, it bothers me a lot is, I don't want to be making minimum wage. And this is just me but I feel like I'm too good for it. I feel like it's beneath me and by all means, it's not. It's a job. But, for me, the hardest part is getting over the fact that it's a job and, for me, with all the experience that I have, everything that I've been through, I feel that if I get a job in one of those places, I'm going to feel like I'm a high school or a college student again with a summer job and that's not what I want.

THERAPIST: Well, yeah. We're going to need to stop but let's continue talking about this.

CLIENT: Okay.

THERAPIST: This is really important.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So we'll see you in two weeks?

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: Alright. See you then.

CLIENT: I believe it's the tenth. [00:47:59]

THERAPIST: Yes. Exactly.

CLIENT: Alright. Thank you.

THERAPIST: Good to see you. Oh, don't forget your umbrella.

CLIENT: Oh yeah.

THERAPIST: Even though it looks like it stopped raining.

CLIENT: No.

THERAPIST: Okay. Take care.

CLIENT: Thank you.

END TRANSCRIPT