TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: I'm going back to work tomorrow, part-time. Which I'm super stressed and freaked out about. I mean, so they called Friday morning at 9:30 to tell me this. Why can't we have lead time, but okay. Yeah, it was (pause) it was a very frustrating conversation with Disability Services [inaudible 00:00:51] in that basically it seemed like when they had the meeting, everyone was like, "Yeah, sure. Okay, that's fine."

[00:01:10]

So I'm just like, why did you do that to me? Also the Disability Services person (pause) we were talking and she was sort of (pause) I guess the way she was talking about it, I think she may have been trying to be reassuring. She was like, "Yeah, of course, these are all common sense. Every employee is allowed to take breaks. So you need to take a break every hour. [inaudible 00:01:50], so they couldn't complain about that," and various things. I'm just like, that's never stopped anyone. [inaudible 00:02:01] break every hour or after every two hours or whatever. But I've never been able to do that.

[00:02:11]

I may have [inaudible 00:02:13], but anyway. (pause) And then she was supposed to write this all up and e-mail me the official "I guess you can come to work." So this morning she's on this afternoon she still hadn't sent it, and I just started to completely panic. I'm like 98 percent sure that this is not something I should be panicking about, but I kept thinking, what if something what if someone changed their mind last night? What if I don't even know. I was just feeling really worried that something was going to go wrong and that I don't know. I just felt like something's going to go wrong, it's going to get delayed again, and this is horrible.

[00:03:21]

I did call and leave a message and got a call back, and (pause) it was sort of helpful. She's like, "Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't send that to you. I'll do it today, but don't worry about it, dadadadada." But I said to her, I was like, "I understand, but it's hard for me to not worry about it. Based on the last time I was out and came back, I should be really, really worried about this." Talked to her a little bit, and she's like "Well, sorry that you had that happen. It wasn't with me, blah blah." I'm like, "I understand, I'm just not happy."

[00:04:18]

THERAPIST: Which... I think I'm not remembering what you're referring to from before.

CLIENT: Oh, when I was out from fibroid surgery?

THERAPIST: Right, I remember that, yeah.

CLIENT: Yeah. So oh my God, such a nightmare. So they (pause) I had sort of mentally been like, okay, I think I want to [inaudible 00:04:47] and I was like okay, I think maybe I need to leave work, stop doing work in like a week or two. And then one day, I was like, nope, I mean by the end of this week.

[00:05:00]

So when I went to HR to be like, "Hey, I'm taking a leave now" (pause) The rep asked why and I made the mistake of answering. I told her I was having severe fibroid pain and was going to have surgery, and she said, "Well, fibroid pain is really not that severe."

THERAPIST: Yes, I remember.

CLIENT: And then the same woman, when I was coming back, said it was impossible for me to return on a part-time schedule. That no one could do that, that was completely insane. And (pause) we had a lot of back and forth, and I'm like, "I'm not sure if I can work full-time yet," and she's like, "Well, you have to be sure." "I won't know until I try." She was just very unhelpful, and also...

[00:06:03]

THERAPIST: And really dismissive, I gather.

CLIENT: Yeah, very dismissive and very much like it felt to me like she was like, "You're shirking." (pause) And then when I decided to come back to work, to arrange it, I come in and then she was really angry because I hadn't gone through the official return to work process, like get a note from your doctor and blah blah blah blah blah. She's like, "Legally, you shouldn't be able to step foot in this building" and was really angry about it, and I'm like, "You didn't tell me. I didn't know." (pause) For a couple hours, it was unclear to me and to my manager's like, "Can I even be in the building? Should I go in now? Or what's going on?" Eventually it got sort of resolved. But it was super [inaudible 00:07:13].

[00:07:14]

THERAPIST: Yeah, and (pause) incredibly stressful and anxious, it sounds like.

CLIENT: Yeah. And the combination of requests that I made and I now know were not made as actual disability combination requests, which have to be listened to, but rather as basically doctor suggestion. So (pause) just like everything was done wrong. So I'm trying to not freak out, but (pause) I'm just really nervous. Very...

[00:08:07]

(pause) That I'm also trying to move is definitely not helpful, especially since yesterday one of the realtor agencies wanted me to pick up paperwork to fill out, and one of the things they wanted was they wanted, they wanted to run a credit check and they wanted us to give bank statements.

THERAPIST: Sorry, this is did you wind up signing on that apartment Thursday?

CLIENT: No, we lost it by like 15 minutes. Yeah, it was so (pause)...

THERAPIST: Ouch.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: That's awful.

CLIENT: Yeah, and what's frustrating is also the realtor I was talking with I guess had no perception or thought that it would go that fast. Normally [inaudible 00:09:09], and he says, "No, tomorrow's fine, whatever. And [inaudible 00:09:17] would be better." Ashby's like, "Can I just do it tomorrow?", because she had had a long day, and then...

[00:09:24]

THERAPIST: That's terrible.

CLIENT: But then I forgot because Ashby now makes almost the same amount of money as I do. When we first moved in together, she made like $3,000 less than I made or something like that, and now she makes (pause) $400 less.

THERAPIST: I'm sorry I meant to tell you at the beginning, I forgot. The mention of money reminded me. As of now, I network for Blue Cross, the process is supposed to be getting reimbursement to you directly and then I bill you; however, while it appears they are doing that for patients I see who don't have Blue Cross either they're just like, the pattern seems to be that for patients who have insurance, they're paying me. That's not what they're supposed to be doing.

[00:10:32]

CLIENT: Huh. So have they paid you?

THERAPIST: I haven't actually gotten any money from them yet.

CLIENT: Weird.

THERAPIST: But I got a notification, which I usually get, indicating that they're going to deposit in my bank account tomorrow, and then I can see that's the usual matter of course on the network, and I can see who it's for.

[00:11:12]

CLIENT: I appreciate that, because I have not yet overcome Blue Cross Mutual being on hold. (laughs) Just tap out, it's too much.

THERAPIST: Yeah. So I will call them tomorrow. I'll have some time. (pause) We may we will, no doubt, have other things to talk about when we meet tomorrow, but either we spend two minutes on it or we can talk next week, whatever you want. But I just found out today, so I wanted to let you know.

CLIENT: Probably I would say [inaudible 00:11:52] tomorrow would be...

THERAPIST: Okay. Yeah, sure. Whatever you want. So the apartment. Yeah, sorry, I -

[00:12:03]

CLIENT: That's okay. No, I'm just like and so when he asked for paystubs and bank confirmation, I was looking at Ashby's paystub, and I'm like -

THERAPIST: Sorry, this is like a pre-approval, sort of?

CLIENT: Yes. What they do is that basically they just do a credit check, in reality. But it's like you pre-file all the paperwork so that when you move in with the check, you're like, "And this is all done. Bam." And (pause) Ashby was forced to sheepishly admit that she was making as much money as I did. She said, "Well, you must be making more." I'm like, "No. I don't get a raise unless I change jobs. Which means, no, I haven't gotten a raise in five years. I get the union-mandated whatever, penny increase every year." That's it.

[00:13:01]

Which is actually good, because now I don't feel bad. Because I'm like, "You can't afford $80? You're just being crazy, straight up." So that's good. But yeah, I'm just terrified of going to work tomorrow, basically.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I have a ride arranged and blah blah blah, but I'm super stressed and I don't want to go and I'm going to end up also the first day will be like, everyone shouting my name which is stressful, and I'll be in my new space, which is a cube shared with Chet, Harry won't be there that time and a revolving array of students. Which is not (pause) how I enjoy working. To me, that's a very stressful work environment. (pause) So that's going to be happening too.

[00:14:19]

(pause) And the other thing which is related to all of this is on Sunday, some friends of mine had a dinner party, a cassoulet party. Cassoulet is like this French dish, where it's like, "First, bake a duck. Then you render the duck fat. And then you do this," it gives 40 bazillion steps, and [inaudible 00:14:47] to five kinds of delicious meat and insanely filling peasant food. And it also takes two weeks' time to prep up to it, so they do a yearly party.

[00:15:01]

And I was chatting with people. At the end of the evening, Ira came up oh, [inaudible 00:15:10] and I mentioned looking at the American Library Association salary postings they do apparently every year, and they do it by region and it gives the average salary for people who are getting a new job. And it's my salary now. It's not lower. And only jobs that are like so there are jobs that are well-paid, but there are jobs like emerging technology, social media, librarian consultant. I'm like, is that like a .com [inaudible 00:15:56] bullshit job title? In my head. So we were talking about that.

[00:16:02]

And then one of the people was talking about something annoying like that, and she started countering, and it was in fact Will [inaudible 00:16:11], which set me off on a huge tear about how much I hate him and everything he does. And dadadadada. So one of my friends is like, "Maybe it's not that he's racist or sexist; it's just that he doesn't like being shown up to be wrong." I'm like, "I think it's all of the above." I think he does not like being shown up, yes, and more so by someone that also that I think I'm useful, also is another ding against me. So it's like, beautiful melange.

[00:17:07]

One of the guests who I'd been chatting with was like, "I think I remember you talking about this last year," and then I just went "Holy shit, how is this" I know this has been going on for a long time, but for someone to remember I don't know. [inaudible 00:17:30] that she remembers that this was a thing a year later, it's just like oh my God, I need to do something about that. And I don't know what, but I need to either find a way to try to let that go or make somebody in HR sit down or something. (pause) Because (pause) I don't know. It was just one of those moments of I've got to let it go or not, because clearly this is not good.

[00:18:12]

(pause) And also, I was tipsy, and it was the end of the evening, but I was still having that like, it feels really I still feel really angry about it, and very much so. And kind of being like, I'm still this pissed. Hm. I'd also e-mailed a friend of mine [inaudible 00:18:46] with his school and he is some kind of business hotshot. I think he has an amorphous business hotshot job. I don't know what he does, really. And part of him doing business school is he knows he has a lot of contacts. So he's this black guy.

[00:19:13]

He also is like, "Oh, by the way, I know the Dean of Diversity, and over [inaudible 00:19:20], I know the Dean of Diversity's scheduler, if you ever want to talk to her." I'm like, "Well, blah blah blah," and I mentioned -

THERAPIST: This is the Dean for -

CLIENT: Cambridge created a Dean for Diversity.

THERAPIST: Okay, so like the whole university.

CLIENT: Whole university. Created the position two or three years ago.

THERAPIST: Huh.

CLIENT: Yeah. It's like, "Good job," I guess. It's back because they had a Dean of Faculty Diversity or something like that, but this is meant to address everyone.

THERAPIST: I see, including students, faculty, staff.

CLIENT: Yeah. And probably, theoretically, contractor. So I sent him a chatty e-mail and then also mentioned, "I'm just so frustrated with this thing, blah blah blah blah."

[00:20:07]

His response was to say "I really want to talk about this with a friend of mine who works in the land of Deans and the University this Dean's scheduler, to get you in front of her, because I think this is a really important issue about (pause) in a sense, someone is trying to offer ideas and information and improve things and it's not being heard." Which I'm both thrilled about and terrified about. He offered to help me pull this together to prepare a narrative, which is great.

[00:21:04]

I also don't want to (pause) whenever I start to think about all of it, I'm just like it's so depressing. I don't know. I feel just really (pause) it's upsetting all over again, makes me angry all over again, and (pause) pretty much with everyone, I've drawn in broad strokes, but I've shorthanded a lot of things because I just didn't feel like getting I was just like, he did this shitty thing, and 10 other things, but in the grand scheme of things, I realize this one's the war on women.

[00:22:00]

So (pause) I know the idea of [inaudible 00:22:05] and being like is depressing. And anxiety-making. (pause) Also I think because if talking to this Dean doesn't go anywhere, I'm not really sure part of what I asked my friend was, "I don't know where this would go, honestly."

THERAPIST: Right. What does a good outcome look like?

CLIENT: Yeah. I don't want to shebang myself up if something's going to happen, and he was like, "No, I think you should do it."

[00:23:00]

(pause) And I do trust and value his opinion, especially in terms of the weird inner workings of the Dean's offices. Well, let me rephrase: the inner workings of the Dean's office as it relates to staff. And also there's been an increase in using business language about staffers in other areas, and faculty, and who's getting financial support from the university, who isn't. A good chunk of the discussion about the library and various cuts has also been about (pause) wanting to put money into areas that they think will make money, as opposed to maintaining a great library collection.

[00:24:14]

THERAPIST: Right. Yeah, it makes me feel like a hospital that says, "Oh, we do these kinds of surgeries and those kinds of surgeries, but these require cardiology [inaudible 00:24:23] and the primary care doesn't, so let's shrink primary care and do some cardiology and specialize" and stuff like that.

CLIENT: Exactly. It's also one of those things where someone asked me, why aren't faculty up in arms? I'm like, people always fight faculty [inaudible 00:24:42] they want, so they haven't noticed this yet. And for classes, we'll always buy books for classes. [inaudible 00:24:55] faculty probably aren't going to notice for a little bit, because they can still get a request specifically.

[00:25:03]

Grad students, and undergrads the undergrads may not even know; the grad students probably know, but it's one of those things that's going to take awhile to be like, "Wait, why is there now a hole in this area?" It's also one of those things where I feel like some of the things I have problems with are (pause) like there's a concrete value in "We want to save X amount of money." I'm like, yes, saving X amount of money is great. However, I don't have a business response, because I don't know if I could think of someone says, "Well, if we cut staffing here, we save all this money," and it's like, "Well yes, you save money in the short-term, but you're also implicitly cutting all these other things.

[00:26:10]

THERAPIST: You mean like if those people were adding value, then actually you're losing money?

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: Or adding more value than they cost?

CLIENT: Yeah. It's hard to go buy books when they're out of print. [inaudible 00:26:27] for the first two years of publishing. Some of the cuts they're making once a book is mis-shelved in the library [inaudible 00:26:38], it's gone. If the [inaudible 00:26:42] is wrong or something is wrong, and they've contracted a lot of that out till it looks better.

THERAPIST: A lot of the shelving?

CLIENT: No, weirdly, the creation and labeling of barcodes. So putting a call number on the spine, and sometimes putting the barcode on too. So if random contractor person screws it up because they're under time pressure, it's gone. That's it.

[00:27:18]

Especially since they also try to move things offsite. Because if something's lost in the repository, it's gone. I swear to God. I think people are already noticing that. So that's an issue, but then it's like "Well, that's only one or two." So that. (pause) The other thing -

THERAPIST: Sorry, I think I'm losing you a little bit here. You're talking about the increase in the more profit-oriented thinking about the library?

[00:28:04]

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: And the way that some of that is short-term thinking could cause a problem. But I guess I'm [inaudible 00:28:17] that you were relating this to talking to the Dean for Diversity and that, but I -

CLIENT: Oh, no. The short-term profit cuts, I think of when I'm thinking generally. When I talk about the problem that I'm having at work to whomever, that's part of it. And (pause) when it's actually more directly the thing that the concept of the value that's being lost [inaudible 00:29:05] is something I think about.

[00:29:07]

The thing I think about more, though, is the library wants to throw money at new technologies, and I'm sitting at dinner and I was like "Look (pause) I hit the Internet in 1993 and kept on going." And I know I'm a baby. There were people at the table who were like "Meh, I was online since the first Internet." I'm like "Yes, yes, yes, I know." But...

THERAPIST: 20 years is a lot of years of Internet.

CLIENT: Yeah, it is. It's a hard thing to present on one's resume, especially since a lot of that time was spent on things I don't want [inaudible 00:30:06]. I just don't really feel like discussing doing six years of online sex education. [inaudible 00:30:16] potential employer, or a bazillion other things.

[00:30:19]

So (pause) a big part of my frustration is that I'm sitting there trying to have a conversation with someone and (pause) I'm like, I just have more experience with it. With whatever. And it's just completely ignored. And that is kind of part of what I wanted to talk to the Dean of Diversity about, is that it's super frustrating.

[00:31:05]

(pause) I think of the various things I've tried to do [inaudible 00:31:20], and also all the [inaudible 00:31:24] I hear from people about how administration is pissed at the librarians about our resisting the technology. Librarians are like, "What the fuck is the point of this?" Especially when, totally validly, some platforms appear and disappear quickly.

THERAPIST: [inaudible 00:31:50].

CLIENT: Yeah. Well not even that. Like Delicious, which was social -

THERAPIST: Yeah, social networking.

CLIENT: Yeah, that tanked hard and fast. And I was a huge user of it. I'd been talking about it to all my library staff, and so I was like, "Sorry Reddit." (laughs) It tanked and then it got bought, stripped of its functionality and other awesome things.

[00:32:18]

So librarians are like "But why would I learn how to use this if it will go away?" And also, very few people understand what I'm talking about when I'm saying you're buying hardware that's on its way out. Because everyone's like, why don't you just make it go? I'm like, no. It just doesn't always go. (pause) And so I don't know. Not that I'm a specialist on all forms of new urban technologies, but I certainly have experience in a lot of them.

[00:33:05]

And more to the point, I have a lot of experience with talking to people who are nervous about it or don't want to, and (pause) yeah. I would love to I really would like to spend time with my staff and be like, "Let's talk about blah blah blah." But everyone's understaffed, everyone's really harried, and I can't actually tell them anything useful, because it's like "Hands tied. Sorry." I have no idea what new thing someone is going to decide is the new awesome. So I can tell them what I'm interested in, but I think reasonably, people want to know more about what work is going to force them to do.

[00:34:07]

THERAPIST: Yeah, I'm hearing a few different things. The first one, the one you're maybe [inaudible 00:34:22] is you're terrified of going back to work tomorrow.

CLIENT: I am.

THERAPIST: For a few different reasons. Partly because you have visions of your previous reentry, which are terrifying, and partly because of your new work environment, and partly because going back to work means you'll be back at work, where all these horrible things have happened again and again and again and again and again. And (pause)...

[00:35:00]

Also, there's potentially, it's a cool opportunity to talk to the Dean for Diversity, but (pause) it also feels like a big risk, I think, in that (pause) probably more in a psychological than a political sense, you'd be really putting yourself on the line, and you're getting all back into everything, and it would be upsetting and painful and stressful. And it's unclear where it would go or what good in general, and particularly what good for you, would come of it.

Also (pause) there's it's incredibly frustrating that there's a really good opportunity for someone exactly like you (pause) introducing new technology at the library where you work or other one, in that you know about libraries and librarians and technology, as it turns out.

[00:36:30]

And would probably be a good technology maven for the library. But there are things that get in the way. There's some institutional interest, but also (pause) a lot of [inaudible 00:36:54] and cost-cutting, so it's unclear which of those would win.

[00:37:00]

And the history is then nobody has listened to you when you've contributed any suggestions about these sorts of things. You've been [inaudible 00:37:08], whether I can think of 12 different examples, from the Will [inaudible 00:37:15] video fiasco to [inaudible 00:37:18] to the media room thingy to the goofy videos they were having people make. So again, I guess there just isn't a need, but also a history of (pause) frustration and being ignored. Am I...?

CLIENT: Yeah. And I think one of my fears well, it's kind of a huge fear is the (pause)...

[00:38:00]

So I've talked to HR, talked to various people, and so there's probably two more layers [inaudible 00:38:22] deep library administration, and one layer contains someone who both likes me and thinks one of them walks on water, and personally hired him, etc., etc. So I'm just like, I don't and I question, do you even because you seem to be [inaudible 00:38:48] whenever I talk to you, but I don't know. I feel internally almost like I'm making a work ultimatum, although that's not quite what it...

[00:39:04]

I feel like (pause) if I go higher with my concerns and upset and frustrations, I either keep on getting ignored or I don't. And there's only so far you can go, really. So I kind of feel like I'm telling work, "Stop making me miserable or I'll quit," and work's going to be like, "You can quit if you want." And I don't (pause) I don't want just I don't know. I feel like yeah, I'm making an ultimatum in this, like in an emotional way. Because part of what I want is I would like someone to listen to me in administration. I would love if someone was like, "That sucked, and we would like to help you." That would be great.

[00:40:15]

THERAPIST: Yeah, because you really want much more than I think to quit.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I really (pause) I don't literally think by meeting with the Dean of Diversity or whoever means like the meeting goes well or I quit, but emotionally, it feels like I made a big threat and they shrugged. And so (pause) [inaudible 00:40:50]. Something that's also going, all the crap of doing apartment application includes all this financial information, what jobs you've worked, etc., etc.

[00:41:06]

I'm going through my things, and I'm like, "Oh, great, I invested in my retirement, or my pension's invested. That's awesome." And I'm like, well, I've been working here for long enough that I get the disability insurance to represent my salary. I'm like, those are some good things. (pause) But (pause) then I also (pause) I don't know.

THERAPIST: It's very difficult. I mean, those are pretty awesome benefits. Hard to walk away from.

CLIENT: Yeah, that's...

THERAPIST: It's like you know. And yet on the other hand, if the job is making you miserable all the way, [inaudible 00:42:01] you.

[00:42:03]

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean, it's one of those things where I'm like, I don't in terms of benefits, which blah blah blah, how much those benefits are worth, all these things, it's unlikely that I would get another job that would basically be, benefits-wise, where I am right now. Not even just because I've been working for Cambridge for 15 years, which is horrible, but just what I got walking in the door at 21.

THERAPIST: Yeah, it's a lot.

CLIENT: Yeah. The only thing that would be better is I think [inaudible 00:43:00] has somewhat unlimited vacation.

[00:43:03]

THERAPIST: [inaudible 00:43:05].

CLIENT: Yeah, weirdly, most of the time people end up taking less vacation than they actually, at least theoretically, are allowed, because they feel bad about it. And I know too many people who are [inaudible 00:43:22], and they try to be around every three to five years, so you don't get stuck in one position and stagnate. My benefits are better than theirs, still. I'm just like so I feel like...

THERAPIST: When would you start doing it? Because I know people, after 20 years, get paid out of half their salary or something for the rest of their lives. Or is that a different thing?

CLIENT: I have no idea. I started getting stressed out about it and [inaudible 00:43:53] away. But yeah, I was just looking at "you're vested after this," and then there's some other kind of vesting after that, and I'm like and the day that you became vested was for these blah and blah, like five years ago, eight years ago. I'm like, okay, I guess. I don't know. Something.

[00:44:18]

So I feel like, well, certainly I've made some follies since the both financial and benefit decisions that have also led to me being super miserable, and (pause) I don't know. (pause) I guess part of the problem is that the reasons for leaving Cambridge there's the theoretical reason that I can't the only way to get more money at Cambridge is to change your job. To change your job type.

[00:45:19]

So either you leave and go get another job that has a different designation, or you go through this horrible annoying process of getting your job designation changed. And that's the only way you can get a raise, basically. And I'm like, well, I can't really [inaudible 00:45:36] I can go in IT; no one is going to give me more librarian-wise without my library degree, especially given how many unemployed librarians there are. They get laid off. So I'm like, well, I'm kind of stuck.

[00:46:00]

But you know, the reasons why I want to leave are mostly emotional. Like I'm miserable, I feel preppy, I don't want to do this job, and it's hard for me to put value on that. I'm also like, well yeah, but this, this, this, and this. Like your benefits are great, you have full dental, you have full blah.

THERAPIST: The thing that occurs to me, and this may have come up once awhile ago, is it seems to me it's pretty unclear what your alternatives would be. If your alternative is a (pause) similar work function in a library at a different university where the benefits wouldn't be as great and obviously the clock would start over, but the environment would be better, that's one thing.

[00:47:12]

If you were working at a technology company, doing some [inaudible 00:47:16] interviewer or social media guys or whatever, [inaudible 00:47:18], and you were doing very different things in a very different type of environment, and maybe wouldn't be likely to because people change jobs more in that environment. That would be a whole different picture. I guess what I'm saying is, I imagine it might be difficult to answer some of the questions you're asking thinking only in terms of your current job or the other jobs you could get at Cambridge.

CLIENT: Yeah, and part of the other problem is that I got to the point where I am IT-wise without having any of the certification or other bullshit that most people have to because I came in when everyone was .com-ing and leaving. So they were like, "Well, warm bodies, yay." I could never get my [inaudible 00:48:20] job again, I don't think.

[00:48:22]

THERAPIST: Well, but you've done it.

CLIENT: Right, that's the thing. It's frustrating, because I'm like, I've done it, which matters, except that I need someone to look at my resume to look at that. Do you know what I mean?

THERAPIST: [inaudible 00:48:40] where it wouldn't look past the lack of certifications to your job experience?

CLIENT: Yeah. And for some jobs, the job listing is like blah, like "should be..."

THERAPIST: I think we went over this once before, this type of thing, and I maybe presumptuously became very skeptical of [inaudible 00:49:08] to me, like you were just talking yourself out of ever being able to get a job anywhere, ever again.

[00:49:13]

CLIENT: It's hard, because I think I'm employable. I think what's frustrating is if companies are using like [inaudible 00:49:28] a librarian who doesn't have X qualification, which is totally common.

THERAPIST: Yeah, but I imagine often people's first job when they switch roles, I think is either because they're going back to school or because they had a contact, somebody who goes, "You're really smart in what you can do," and more of other kind of things you do in your spare time, would probably hire you in a way that somebody who's got 200 resumes sitting on their desk probably wouldn't.

[00:50:05]

CLIENT: Yeah. I did a couple. (pause) I think you made some comment like how I know [inaudible 00:50:16] librarians or something, or maybe it's like I know a person every city, because I probably do. Extended friend of a friend. I was like, okay, maybe I will try looking at some of the librarian group things. And (pause) I don't know. I'm having a hard time being like, am I depressed? I think not really going anywhere, and in a couple months when it's not February and I'm not doing all these things, will that get me somewhere? You know, I just feel like, ugh. And yeah.

[00:51:12]

THERAPIST: We've got to stop for now. But I know there's a lot more to talk about. I'm not trying to push you to move any way; I just...

CLIENT: Yeah. No, I understand, I'm just sort of... [inaudible 00:51:31].

THERAPIST: Good luck tomorrow.

CLIENT: Thank you very much.

THERAPIST: Yeah. See you tomorrow.

CLIENT: Okay.

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