Client "E", Session January 02, 2013: Client talks about the way some members of her fiance's family that make them feel left out and unimportant. trial

in Neo-Kleinian Psychoanalytic Approach Collection by Anonymous Male Therapist; presented by Anonymous (Alexandria, VA: Alexander Street, 2013, originally published 2013), 1 page(s)

TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:


BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: Is this for the beginning of the year?

THERAPIST: Yeah, that's for, there was a balance on last...on November and then that's December too.

CLIENT: I'll just write you a check. And then can I, should I post date it so that I can write it off for this year, or does it not matter for services were rendered?

THERAPIST: Yeah no, that doesn't matter. You can, as far as I know. Now I'm not an accountant.

CLIENT: I mean if you have it, actually I could probably, since I've paid you all in check...I'm just looking back through my canceled checks. What's today's date? The second?

THERAPIST: The second, yeah.

CLIENT: Is it okay if you wait until Friday and then I can probably give you the whole amount?

THERAPIST: Yeah sure.

CLIENT: Friday?

THERAPIST: The 4th. [Beeper goes off.]

CLIENT: Is it nap time?

THERAPIST: Thanks.

[02:57]

CLIENT: What is that for?

THERAPIST: This?

CLIENT: So people can see it works.

THERAPIST: Oh I see.

CLIENT: So how's it going?

THERAPIST: Oh you know, same ole same ole with me.

CLIENT: How's your family?

THERAPIST: Family's great. Family's good. Yeah. What did you do? I don't even know if we talked about what you were doing?

CLIENT: We went to Pennsylvania, which is where Phil's parents live. We stayed there on Christmas Eve and did Christmas with them. Gina didn't let not didn't let but nobody held Gina's baby.

THERAPIST: The baby was not held by...it was kept in her arms. Kept her to herself, huh?

CLIENT: It was more of like she was playing on the floor and everybody was watching her play. But you know, I don't know; Gina's just weird and she's pregnant again and I don't know. There's a birthday party for the baby and on the 20th. I don't know. It's also weird. Like they used to be really social. He retired and then they had a baby. Which like I totally understand like a baby changes everything, but she has like completely, I don't know; she just needs an attitude adjustment. Just needs to...

[04:52]

THERAPIST: Yeah, what do you see? What does she need to?

CLIENT: She just builds up walls so that people can't get close to her. And like I don't know how...she has trust issues, I think. I mean like she had an abusive alcoholic father and she grew up in a household, I mean except for her brother, so I think that she doesn't trust men, personally. And she doesn't trust; she builds up walls so that she doesn't have to get close to people so she doesn't have to get hurt. This is my theory. So that she can't get hurt. You know.

I asked her about how her friend who was her maid of honor was doing and she said, oh, I haven't heard from her in a long time. She moved, went through a divorce and like, but like, you know, she never we were supposed to get together once and then she couldn't and we never made plans again. But she was basically saying...and then she recently said like, what I don't care.

THERAPIST: As a kind of a self protective kind of...

CLIENT: Yeah, I think so. Like I don't really understand like how you can say that about somebody who was supposed to be your good friend and how like she was your maid of honor, like, I don't know.

THERAPIST: Yeah, yeah, so it kind of takes the form of her not, her kind of being aloof or not caring but you sort of see a protective kind of thing coming from her being kind of wounded and worried about getting hurt.

CLIENT: She builds up walls around herself like a child.

THERAPIST: She builds up walls. Yeah.

[06:47]

CLIENT: And the people get trapped in it.

THERAPIST: Inside the wall, on the other side of the wall? Her side of the wall.

CLIENT: I think so.

THERAPIST: Yeah, how does that work then?

CLIENT: Her, like; we knew that they were having a baby, but we heard from their parents, like Phil's parents that they're having a boy. We didn't hear from them. Like, so if he...he calls [Ellen and Alex 07:15] says, oh, we're having a boy, but he doesn't hang up the phone and call Phil. Which, like...?

THERAPIST: Oh okay.

CLIENT: I mean I'm hurt by it. I don't know how Phil feels. I think he's hurt by it. But like...

THERAPIST: So he's behind that wall of kind of hurt...yes.

CLIENT: Yes. I feel like Phil doesn't have access to his brother really, you know.

THERAPIST: Will they still be going to the wedding?

CLIENT: Logically. I mean like I really want him there. I really think that he needs to be there for Phil, but like I haven't heard Phil say to him like I'm going to need you there for two whole days because the baby's due and like everybody's afraid to like upset Gina. I'm like oh, you know. Sorry. Like I understand like your wife could possibly be in labor that weekend, but like Gina did tell me she was upset when she found out that the baby was due so close to the wedding. But she had already announced like, before that, then she told me that she wouldn't be coming. Like I don't care if you're pregnant right near my wedding or if like you're enormously pregnant, or if you find out in April that your doctor said you can't travel, but please don't announce it when you're 12 weeks pregnant. I just think it's rude.

THERAPIST: Oh yeah, right. You meant like, she was; it was that she was going to go if she never got pregnant. It was just once she got pregnant, she wasn't going to wait to...it was kind of see where she was in the pregnancy.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Okay, right, right. Well yeah, I guess there's that kind of wall kind of feeling that you've been getting from her as well that she's not willing to open up or let you in including wanting contact, wanting you to be involved with her baby in a more intimate kind of close way. It seems to me like you're interested in having a familial kind of bond in some way.

[09:53]

CLIENT: And like I wish that we were closer. There might a reason to stay here, but nobody's giving us a reason to stay. You know, where Phil's looking at jobs everywhere. He has a phone interview in Indiana, at a place in Indiana and a place that's really interested in him but he hasn't heard back from them, in Arizona.

THERAPIST: The Phoenix one?

CLIENT: No, it's Tucson.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: I wish it as Phoenix. I don't know what they do in Tucson.

THERAPIST: Tucson. Where is the one in Indiana? Where in Indiana?

CLIENT: Indianapolis. So there are Quakers down there, so that's good.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: And my very good friend lives in Philadelphia, so it's probably like two or three hours away, but still in relation it's closer.

THERAPIST: But not a lot for you to...not a lot here for you?

CLIENT: No we can't enjoy it the way we like. We haven't been out on a fancy date since like probably April or maybe even New Year's of last year. Maybe go out for dinner about like, we don't spend more than $50.

THERAPIST: Cost a lot and not a lot coming back your way.

CLIENT: Exactly. And at work, I have to go work in Stacen's room for a couple of weeks until they hire somebody. And then the girl who works down in the classroom that I like, put in her two weeks' notice, so I'll have her position when she's done. And I've been offered the full-time position but if Phil's going to be...I don't know if I want to accept it as a full-time position until I know that we're going to be here for at least six months. Phil thinks we'll move before the wedding.

THERAPIST: Is he finding any bites up here?

[12:27]

CLIENT: He's applied for a job and [inaudible 12:32]. But no. The company is going to keep paying him as an intern if he lets them. I mean I see this all the time. But I think the only way that they're going to hire anybody to do his job full-time is if he quits; not full-time, but like with benefits etc., is if he quits and they have to.

THERAPIST: Yeah. Do they know he's looking?

CLIENT: Yeah, I think so.

THERAPIST: Yeah, they might actually give him a counter offer once he gets something.

CLIENT: His immediate boss really does want Phil to get hired and he, but she's in, you know, there's all this change going on there, whatever, organization and so the higher ups are really reluctant to hire him because they don't really understand what happens in his branch of the umbrella or whatever. I think that means I have to work with Stacen for a couple of weeks. She just up and left. Like she came in and; I came and she was like "I'm feeling sick, Crystal. I'm going to go at 10:00. I have a doctor's appointment." And then like she told Cory, but she didn't...Cory's the Intake Coordinator and kind of a director but not really. She didn't tell the other director, so I don't know. I think that they're trying to fire her, trying to find a reason to fire her and she's trying to get fired. She's also not talking to the director because she's mad that the director gave the other teacher, the 3rd teacher in that classroom the early shift which like she apparently wanted but she has no reason for an early shift. The other girl is in school and taking classes.

THERAPIST: I figured, is Stacen a lead teacher?

CLIENT: Yeah.

[14:54]

THERAPIST: How about this other classroom? What makes it a good one?

CLIENT: It's the one; I ever told you about Florence and Margaret?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: It's that classroom. So like I really like their style. They get out and they do things.

THERAPIST: Yeah, I know you talked about them. Is one of the two of them leaving?

CLIENT: Drea is leaving. She's the third one during the day. She's going to...she got a job because she knows somebody who works for whatever company the old one turned in to, the fire alarms; the fire alarms company.

THERAPIST: Oh okay.

CLIENT: And basically, she's like going around and testing fire alarms or something. She has to press a button and make sure they beep. She's going to get paid like $2 or $3 an hour more than she gets paid working for the school.

THERAPIST: How about that?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So they made the offer to you to go on this...?

CLIENT: Yeah, and I said yes, but I also expect that in the next three weeks Phil will get a job offer, hopefully. Oh I hope so. And that I probably won't end up working in there, or at least not for very long. It's probably not worth it to them to hire me or just switch my title.

THERAPIST: What will that mean for you?

CLIENT: I don't think it will mean a raise or anything. It means they have to quarry me again; that I would have to do like observations and stuff again like observation reports and progress reports and stuff like that again.

THERAPIST: How do you feel about the prospect of moving?

CLIENT: I'm fine with it.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I mean like I would really miss like my friends, but I like the idea of moving to a place where we're both new, you know like, I really did want to move to Philadelphia, but in Philadelphia, it would be re-entering my life, I feel like instead of finding our own life. So I mean I'm nervous that I won't find jobs wherever we go, but like I'll find something.

THERAPIST: But trying somewhere new.

CLIENT: I mean I'll probably be scared about it later, but...I just think it'll be great.

THERAPIST: Hmm.

CLIENT: And like as crazy it will be like to live in Tucson. It won't be forever. We'll be there for three or four year and we'll start looking east coast urban things again.

THERAPIST: What are you thinking?

CLIENT: Oh, I was thinking about how my dad moved from the city to the farm when my parents got married and he adjusted just fine.

THERAPIST: Uh huh.

CLIENT: And for some reason I was thinking about how he was, I was home and we were walking from the meeting house to this Lebanese food restaurant and I was wondering if they were going to have Middle Eastern food in Tucson.

THERAPIST: Yeah?

CLIENT: Yeah. If they're going to have Falafel in Tucson. I've never been to Kansas, or Texas or any of those states in the middle or out West.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: Fly over states.

THERAPIST: Fly over states, right. Yeah, literally, a whole new thing for you. Yeah. Is it reassuring to know that your dad did it; a different kind of...?

CLIENT: I think it's different because the city was always right there. And he thought he wasn't going to like the being in the country, but he loves it. Not the country but living full-time. I think as a younger man, he kind of probably had some, not ADD or anything, but just kind of liked to always do something or be right there. He also grew up in Blacksburg, so that's what he's used to.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

[21:41]

CLIENT: Blacksburg it was completely different than...because it's just like a whole bunch of summers kind of. I mean in Blacksburg you can get a big house on a couple of acres, maybe an acre.

THERAPIST: And still be within...

CLIENT: And still be within Blacksburg city limits.

THERAPIST: Is that right? Okay.

CLIENT: Do I have enough to...?

THERAPIST: Well that's pretty big if you, with this possibility of moving.

CLIENT: I hope that we do it sooner rather than later because I don't want to move close to the wedding. That would be terrible.

THERAPIST: That would be hectic.

[22:54]

CLIENT: How do you like this side of town compared to the other side?

THERAPIST: I like it. I like it over here. It's so quieter.

CLIENT: It is a lot quieter. A lot less distractions.

THERAPIST: It's almost like Tucson as to New York.

CLIENT: Yeah. What am I going to do with myself in Tucson?

THERAPIST: Have you looked at it all?

CLIENT: I looked at the Care.com for either Phoenix or Tucson and they want to pay their nannies $5 an hour. That's not even minimum wage.

THERAPIST: Is that right?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Wow.

CLIENT: Wait, what? Like I understand if I'm like 14 years old and I'm playing with your baby while you're working from home, but like you want me to stay with your kid for $5 an hour?

THERAPIST: $5 a day?

CLIENT: An hour.

THERAPIST: I mean $5 an hour. That's like, yeah, $40 a day. How are the salaries? Are the salaries competitive out there for Phil?

CLIENT: I don't know if that's they're competitive, I think it's that there are jobs out there in planning and that there are less people applying. So the market isn't as competitive and the cost of living is so much less that you don't have to have a competitive salary to get by.

[25:20]

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: You know, cost of living is like 60 percent less or housing is 60 percent less. That means our rent would be like $500 or $600 between the two for two of us instead of $750 for one of us, $725 for one of us, for each of us.

THERAPIST: I see.

CLIENT: This isn't the same [inaudible 26:15] you had last time or before. Is it? No.

THERAPIST: No it's not. I don't know if I even brought the old one. I could have.

CLIENT: Oh, this is the other thing that's going on in my life. My dentist found this thing, not that dental x-rays mean anything to you, but...

THERAPIST: What is it?

CLIENT: This here on my right 21 and the incisor has this shadow where it's like not gum material and they thought, okay, well maybe you need a root canal. And they did a test for the root canal and I don't need a root canal. So we're trying to figure out what's going on.

THERAPIST: Where is it?

[27:34]

CLIENT: It's right here. I now it's hard to see but...

THERAPIST: It's darker.

CLIENT: It's like a shadow, yeah, it's a little darker.

THERAPIST: And which tooth is it?

CLIENT: It's this one.

THERAPIST: And it's on the outer or inner gum?

CLIENT: I don't know. I guess it's they just x-ray the inside. Right now, maybe they x-rayed the outside because it's on here.

THERAPIST: Oh yeah, it's got to be on the outer if they took the photograph.

CLIENT: Right, because it's this way.

THERAPIST: Right, right.

CLIENT: Yeah, this is my full jaw x-ray.

THERAPIST: What are they...?

CLIENT: They're wondering if maybe it's related to the NF, and so I do this with my NF doctor, which is something I should probably do before I move.

THERAPIST: Now how could it be related to NF?

CLIENT: Because like when you have NF, you can have lesions grow like pretty much anywhere in the body like tumors. Sometimes they're cancerous; usually they're not. And so they just want to make sure that something like that isn't growing. I have these like on my shoulder and on my arm. I have these like things that just look like little bumps, but they are like kind of squishy and hollow and so I guess I just feel like it's probably that except my tooth it would come out if it was that; if it was like the same feeling as this. I don't know.

[29:26]

THERAPIST: Do you notice any sensation or anything or other?

CLIENT: I mean it doesn't hurt. And they did the test where they put like this little electrode thing on your tooth and they buzz it and then you tell them if you feel it or not. And I felt it. I felt the teeth around it. I felt the buzz or whatever on the teeth around it.

THERAPIST: So they're trying to figure out if the nerve is healthy or something, obstructed by the growth or something?

CLIENT: Yeah. I mean like I'm not having any pain. I can feel whatever they're looking for for me not needing a root canal. So they were wondering if I had banged it, and usually if I had banged it, that means like part of the tooth dies and then it becomes discolored and I would need a root canal. But I don't need a root canal and the tooth isn't discolored, so they're just wondering why it looks like that on the x-ray. I called my old...I called my old dentist and he's supposed to be sending me the x-rays from when I got my wisdom teeth out to see if it was there the whole time. That was in like 2005 or something. So you know, I don't know. I don't really know what to think about it. I mean, the doctor told me it's probably not cancer, but then the hygienist or whoever he was, he was trying to make the photo copies show up right. He said you better get it looked at because I've seen tumors take over the mouth quickly. And I was like he told me it wasn't cancer. So...

THERAPIST: The hygienist told you that?

CLIENT: I don't know if it was the hygienist or a tech or something.

THERAPIST: It wasn't the doctor.

CLIENT: Somebody who was messing around with the photocopies, apparently who's good at getting the photocopier to show what it needs to show when they make the scans, when they print out the scans.

THERAPIST: Okay.

[31:56]

CLIENT: So he gave me the thing and then showed me what he did and where the thing was on the picture and that's what he told me.

THERAPIST: And you have an NF doctor here?

CLIENT: Yeah, I mean he's like the east coast staff doctor. I mean I guess there are probably ones in other big cities too, but.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: So that's who you're going to go through?

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: I just; I don't want to deal with like biopsies or cancer, any of that. But they told me it's not, so. I don't know. I don't know what to think.

THERAPIST: And you've not had anything NF related tumors or growths besides the ones on your skin?

CLIENT: I have some in my brain, but they don't; they haven't like grown and I don't get headaches or dizzy or anything like that. So...

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT; I just don't understand if it's not like a dead need for root canal, a dead gum or tooth or whatever, like if it's NF, then they have to either keep taking X-rays every six months to check and see if it's growing or they have to biopsy it or I don't know. I guess I shouldn't freak out too much.

THERAPIST: Well yeah; they don't even know if it's any growth at all.

CLIENT: Right, they don't know if it's an NF thing or if it's just you know...

[34:38]

THERAPIST: Yeah, if it's an irregularity, I guess. Yeah.

CLIENT: And I have to remember to call the NF doctor again.

THERAPIST: How often do you tend to go?

CLIENT: I'm supposed to go every year. I didn't go last year. I didn't go in 2012 because they set me up with seeing a Nurse Practitioner because I was going to be seen, since I was stable, they weren't going to have me see the big wig doctor every year. And then I got the appointment and then they called me six weeks later and were like six weeks later and we were like schedule another appointment because this doctor isn't here or this Nurse Practitioner isn't here anymore. And then I was like, I had to reschedule.

THERAPIST: Okay, got it. Yeah, what do they tend to do at those meetings? Just kind of have a general...?

[35:41]

CLIENT: They just look at me under the blue lamp and make sure that I'm not like having grown any new tumors. They look in your eyes; they look at your spine.

THERAPIST: All external?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Yeah. Ask about any pain. They do the little bang bang on your knees to check your reflexes. What else? I don't know. And then I guess like; I mean that I know it can be way worse for me. I could be growing tumors like all over my face. I could be in severe pain.

THERAPIST: The pain comes from where is it?

CLIENT: Like tumors growing on your nerves.

THERAPIST: Oh okay. NF is short for what again?

CLIENT: Neuro Fibromytosis.

THERAPIST: Neuro Fibromytosis.

CLIENT: It's really hard for me to explain what it is because sometimes I feel like I don't even have it. You know, like I think about it sometimes, but I don't like...everybody experiences it differently and a lot of people experience it in a lot more painful ways. Some people get neuroplastoma, you know, optic lyeoma, which is like an eye cancer tumors. You get cancers on optic nerves. Crazy stuff.

THERAPIST: Well, glad that you're going to go get it checked out.

CLIENT: Yeah, I have to remember to call them again. Let me see if I have their thing. So my new hours are 9:15 to 5:15. Today I got here pretty much on time. I was a little bit late, but that was mostly the train. So is it still okay that we're meeting at 6?

[38:53]

THERAPIST: Yeah. One question I have for you is if we could move it to Tuesday.

CLIENT: That should be fine.

THERAPIST: Okay, and actually, I could do 6:05.

CLIENT: Okay. That would be better because Tuesdays would be better because Sophia can switch me on Tuesdays if we ever need to stop doing 6.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Sorry, you just said what day would it be?

CLIENT: Oh, what do you mean? If we switch to Tuesdays, Sophia can switch with me. Sophia has classes on Wednesdays and maybe Thursdays. Sophia works the 7:30 to 3:30 shift.

THERAPIST: Oh okay.

CLIENT: If it were very important to you to not work as late, but really like I don't want to upset the apple cart because Stacen might be really mad that Sophia was willing to do that for me and not for her. Would you like a mint?

THERAPIST: Oh no thanks. And that would work better 5:15 or something would work better on Tuesdays, is that what you're saying than any other day?

CLIENT: Well yeah. But 6:05 is...

THERAPIST: I can do that for now. I'll tell you if it becomes a problem or something for me. Okay, so then we'll start next Tuesday then at that time.

CLIENT: Yeah. I'll put that in my schedule so I remember.

THERAPIST: Wow, so there's a lot shaking.

CLIENT: It's not easy.

THERAPIST: A lot shaking for sure. When did you find out about that? When did you get the X-rays?

[42:03]

CLIENT: I got...well I had a doctor's appointment. I had a cleaning scheduled for the New Year but I got put on the wait list for like Saturday morning cancellations. And they called me one Saturday in December. And they were like oh; it's time for you to get full X-rays. And I was like okay. And I was like ready to go stand up and have them done. They put these things in that are like bite wings, but bite wings are super comfortable and you don't even notice. But these are super uncomfortable and they are like the size of a slide.

THERAPIST: Yeah, I know.

CLIENT: You put them in your mouth and it upsets your whole mouth. It's like super super uncomfortable. And they did that and then because they're automatic, they like put this big like thing on and then the X-rays slide is in your mouth like behind your teeth and you clip this thing and then you do it all around your mouth. And then the picture shows up on the screen. So right away they looked, the hygienist and the dentist were looking at the X-rays and the hygienist, I think, noticed it and the docotr was looking at it and they were like, oh well, you might need a root canal. And they found out that I didn't have NF on my chart.

THERAPIST: They didn't see the NF on the chart?

[43:36]

CLIENT: There wasn't NF on the chart. So I told them and they actually put it on my chart and then they were like well it's probably just a root canal even though like the tooth isn't discolored but. So they went for a PUP test, like a few days later.

THERAPIST: And this is like when in December?

CLIENT: In the middle of December.

THERAPIST: Oh okay.

CLIENT: And then...

THERAPIST: That came back negative.

CLIENT: Yeah, I was eager to schedule the PUP test because they had some other doctor's appointments scheduled for that day. So they 18th I had the PUP test.

THERAPIST: That might have been the day we met, right?

CLIENT: Yeah it was. Because I was exhausted. I had three doctor's appointments that day. And then, so I had the PUP test, the PUP test was negative and then I made another appointment for the, I guess she's the oral surgeon. I don't know who she is. He just poked around in my mouth and looked at my X-rays. I don't know. I don't know what the point of that was, but anyway. And said, and then we agreed that she would look at my older slides from when I got my wisdom teeth out and the new would look at my...and then I would have my NF doctor look at the new stuff.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Okay, so Tuesday next week. Til Tuesday I'll see you then.

THERAPIST: I'll see you then. Yeah. And I'm sure if you call the doctor, they'll get you in pretty quick.

CLIENT: Yeah, they will. They called me back but like I had to keep playing the phone number over and over again because they gave it to me so quickly and I wasn't near a pen or anything. Like you think that you'd learn like...

THERAPIST: Say it slowly.

CLIENT: But say it slowly like; half the people you're calling have learning disabilities like you need to slow down. Like okay.

THERAPIST: Learning disability or no learning disability, you should slow down.

CLIENT: You should slow down and ask me it twice. But so I hope I have the right number. I just kind of did a guess. And then I was too slow with like pressing the right button and my phone saved it and my phone saves all the newer messages in the back of the pile and I don't know how to go through my phone quickly. I know you can press a button and it'll skip it, but I don't know what...

THERAPIST: You forgot the phone, yeah...

END TRANSCRIPT

1
Abstract / Summary: Client talks about the way some members of her fiance's family that make them feel left out and unimportant.
Field of Interest: Counseling & Therapy
Publisher: Alexander Street Press
Content Type: Counseling session
Format: Text
Original Publication Date: 2013
Page Count: 1
Page Range: 1-1
Publication Year: 2013
Publisher: Alexander Street
Place Published / Released: Alexandria, VA
Subject: Counseling & Therapy; Psychology & Counseling; Health Sciences; Theoretical Approaches to Counseling; Family and relationships; Teoria do Aconselhamento; Teorías del Asesoramiento; Neurofibromatosis; Life changes; Family conflict; Psychoanalytic Psychology; Self Psychology; Psychotherapy; Relational psychoanalysis
Clinician: Anonymous
Keywords and Translated Subjects: Teoria do Aconselhamento; Teorías del Asesoramiento
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