TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: That is what they said it was going to be.

CLIENT: Yeah, pretty soon.

THERAPIST: This morning it was definitely real snowflakes, but now it's gotten slushy.

CLIENT: So I feel like this has been kind of a whirlwind of a few days. I feel like I'm in the hard part of the semester, the very end; just trying to get everything done. Again, I was thinking about the last time I was here. I felt the same way. Like it just felt like I was running...

THERAPIST: Sort of up and down, up and down.

CLIENT: From one thing to the next. But it was nice to have had Thanksgiving and it was nice to have a few days away from classes and from being at school every day. It's just like a hard time of the semester, too, to try and get everything done.

THERAPIST: Were you able to really let things go and enjoy the space?

CLIENT: Yeah, I definitely enjoyed Thanksgiving and I didn't even worry about doing work on Friday, too, but then I had a paper due on Monday, so the timing of it was too bad because I felt like I had that kind of hanging over me the whole time. [00:01:08] I would have much rather have had it due before Thanksgiving, so that was a little bit hard just knowing that I needed to kind of figure out [...] (crosstalk at 00:01:16)

And then just the way that it worked out, Todd actually went away over the weekend with his dad. They went on this big golfing trip that they'd had planned for a long time, so I went home to see my family because we were with Todd's family for the actual day on Thanksgiving. It was good to be home. I knew my mom and sister and stepdad were there to kind of help me, but I also feel like when I'm with them I'm not good about figuring out when I'm going to do work. In my head I'm like, "Oh, I'll be home and my mom will want to take Trae every second so I'll get plenty of work done." But then I get there and [...] (crosstalk at 00:01:52) I feel like I always kind of have the expectation if I have work to do, if I'm home it will be done so easily. There are so many people that want to play with him. [00:02:04] But I don't think I'm good at saying, "Okay, these are the hours I want to get the work done," and instead I kind of let it drag on so I'll get an hour here and an hour there. I think that just made it hard. I was thinking I would get more done over the weekend.

THERAPIST: You need to set it up more like a business transaction and schedule the time.

CLIENT: Yeah. So I feel like I spent a lot of nights putting Trae to bed and then staying up late trying to get just kind of scrambling to get things done. I have a paper due the Thursday, or I guess it was due the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and then that paper due the Monday after, so it felt like this stretch.

THERAPIST: A long stretch of doing this.

CLIENT: Yeah. And then I have all of my grading that I was putting off due tonight. I have to send all of the grades back. So I just feel like it's been this kind of constant scramble to get things done, but it also feels kind of good to know that I'm getting them done. [00:03:00]

THERAPIST: So you can do it. You're surprising yourself?

CLIENT: I am, I think. I was thinking back to the last time I was here and I was having trouble sleeping. I've been okay. Again, I'm afraid to say it out loud because I don't want to have trouble again, but I definitely have surprised myself with that aspect.

THERAPIST: So you deal with the work after his bedtime and still be able to put it away and go to bed.

CLIENT: Yeah, which usually doesn't happen. He's been having some trouble sleeping, so I also feel like it's because I'm pretty overtired that I am actually falling asleep pretty easily. That's been a good feeling and I really surprised myself.

THERAPIST: That you don't need to be as perfect it doesn't need to be an ideal situation for you to be able to do it. You can actually manage imperfect situations.

CLIENT: Right. That definitely felt good and usually when Todd is gone, actually there really haven't been that many nights when I've been totally alone with Trae. [00:03:59] I think maybe just once because he hasn't really traveled that much and when he does, I feel like I'm with my family or something. But I came home on Sunday night and he didn't come home until early Monday morning. I was up really late on Sunday working on the paper and I kind of thought to myself, "Well, if I can't go to sleep it's one night and he'll be home and I can get myself back on track," so I kind of almost assumed that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Trae was having all of these troubles with sleeping through the night recently so that uncertainty of when he was going to wake up was there, too; but then I was able to sleep so that was another nice Trae wasn't, but he just kept waking me up. I wasn't waking myself up. (both chuckle) So that was good.

THERAPIST: So you're still sleep deprived, but for a different reason.

CLIENT: For a different reason.

THERAPIST: But it actually shows that you have much greater flexibility than you previously had or than you thought you had. I don't know which is true, but you are seeing that you have this flexibility where you can exist in imperfect situations. You can get yourself to sleep even if the conditions aren't ideal, which allows you to trust yourself more, which is something you've been working on kind of allowing yourself to trust in you. [00:05:07] And if you know you can handle these imperfect situations, then you can start to trust that you can survive. It might not be easy, it might not be fun, it might not feel that great, but you're fine.

CLIENT: Right. It has felt good and I feel like it's been a very different style for me. I submitted the paper due on Monday. It was due at noon and I uploaded it at like 11:56 it said. That is not my style at all. I like to work up until the last minute, but not like that.

THERAPIST: That's way more than your last minute.

CLIENT: No. And I really had a lot to do Monday morning. Usually before Trae came along I would have had Monday morning to proofread it, but it probably would have been pretty much done when I woke up and had a lot to do. [00:05:57] In a way that felt good, too, to know that I didn't have to sacrifice I mean I did have to sacrifice a little time with him to get the stuff done but I didn't feel like I had to do too much in terms of that. It more ended up my own time, but at least I got it done and then was able to I don't know. I feel mixed about it, but it does feel good that I'm somehow scraping by in a way that feels so chaotic, but in another way it feels good to know that I'm doing it.

THERAPIST: I guess I heard you say that you didn't have to sacrifice that much time with him, and I wonder if that's about your expectations for how much time he gets with you or your desire for you having that time with him? Who are you trying to please?

CLIENT: I think it's both. I want him to have time with me, but I want time with him, too, and I also think it was a little different because Todd was away, but I guess when Todd is home I want to be able to spend time with him, too. Even when I was home I felt kind of silly like I don't want to be home having a chance to hang out with my whole family, but then I'm going to hole myself away in my bedroom and do work. There was still trying to find that right balance. [00:07:13]

THERAPIST: Balance is really tricky.

CLIENT: I know. And it's a nice feeling to know that I'm scraping by; but I also feel like Todd is feeling a lot of pressure to help me scrape by. We talked a little bit about this but I think now in terms of my priorities, Trae definitely comes first and my time is spent with him and nursing him takes so much time. All of that takes a lot of time and then I feel that when I do have a moment it's to finish a paper that's due tomorrow or something. So I feel like a lot of the extra stuff little things like going to the grocery store and doing the dishes. Because I don't have that time to do it, Todd feels like that's his role and a lot of times when I'm nursing he's getting dinner started, doing laundry, doing the dishes; and so I feel so lucky that he's able to do that, but I also feel like it's almost like he's managing everything else not that I'm taking the lead with Trae, but I think just because I'm feeding him it takes more time. [00:08:21]

THERAPIST: Those other things that he's doing, you can't multitask with that.

CLIENT: Part of me feels bad because I feel like sometimes everything else besides Trae, he feels in charge of not that he doesn't feel in charge of Trae. I think we do a good job of playing equal roles with him, but I don't think we do a good job of the equal roles in terms of just keeping the household running. I think sometimes it's almost like when I'm nursing him he feels like he has to be doing something to help out, because he knows I'm helping.

THERAPIST: He's trying to match you in ways.

CLIENT: Yeah, not to feel that pressure. Leave the laundry and I'll do it once in a while. I'm not complaining, but I have not done my fair share of that kind of stuff at all. [00:09:09]

THERAPIST: How was that sort of thing divided pre-parenthood?

CLIENT: I think that even with school I let school take over so much that I was definitely doing more of household kinds of stuff, but he was he loves to cook and I'm terrible. I'm his sous chef. (both chuckle) He likes to take on that role, which is fine with me, and I love to eat his cooking. That always worked well. I do feel like I was able to play more of a helpful role just around the house. It feels now like when I'm not doing something with Trae, I have work to do and I just feel like in a way all of this stuff that's on me for school also impacts Todd. I feel sometimes like that's not really fair. [00:10:02]

THERAPIST: It's an important thing to check in about; like these are the kinds of things that have shifted in your lives. I guess checking in how does he feel about it? Has he noticed this? What are you guys feeling about it? Because in some ways it seems inevitable because it's not just that the workload has been redistributed, the workload of your family has increased. There is the whole new demand that's there that wasn't before, so you both need to do more than you were doing before. Todd's role can't stay exactly the same because Trae has created a whole new slew of jobs and demands on time. There is a whole other person that needs attention and needs time in the schedule, so I think it's an important thing to kind of check in with Todd about how do you guys both feel with the distribution? How are you handling this new workload and distribution? [00:11:10] It doesn't necessarily need to be the same in order for it to work with your family, but you do want to make sure that you have something that feels workable and sustainable for the short-term future because the needs are going to change again and there will be a period where there will be a time in the not-so-distant future where caring for Trae can be a little bit more equally weighted because nursing won't take as long or you won't be nursing anymore.

CLIENT: Yeah, and I do feel like we are good about talking about stuff like that, but I think part of me is just reflecting on the semester because I think it's almost done and I'm thinking like, "Wow, I did kind of surprise myself. I still have a lot to do, but I've done a lot so far. I got that done." Then I also think how graceful was that process, in a way? [00:12:01] I just feel like a lot of it fell on Todd for me to feel like, "Oh, wow. I was really productive." I was able to be a mom and able to be a grad student, but how good was I at being a wife? It's just so hard to figure out all of those roles. I think that's something everybody struggles with and it's nice to know that with the other new moms who I've talked to, I don't think that's just me. I'm sure not even being a new mom, once Trae is older I'm sure it's hard to keep figuring that out.

THERAPIST: The transitions. Part of what you're experiencing is not just the parenting piece, but it's pretty new parenting so it's a transition. There will be other transitions as you move into different phases; parenting a toddler, parenting a newborn, parenting a preschooler or a school-age kid. Who knows. [00:13:01]

CLIENT: But it is nice because I feel right now like it's been such a scramble, and even today one of my stepdad, Todd's, one of his good friends passed away and so we weren't able to go to the funeral, but my mom really wanted to go. Usually she watches Trae today and so Todd was home with him in the morning but then my mom was running late so Todd dropped Trae off with me at school and my mom came to school. It just feels like everything has been kind of like a whirlwind.

THERAPIST: It's pretty chaotic.

CLIENT: Todd only got home on Monday morning. I feel like we've hardly even had a chance to really see each other. It feels good to know that there really is a short time that I need to get through and I think things will definitely settle down a little bit. That feels good to know that I think we're almost through a harder spot. Then I think it's kind of hard to know what next semester is going to be like because I've never had a semester where I'm not taking classes; but I think that will be really nice. (both laugh) No, I don't know what it's like. [00:14:07]

THERAPIST: I would imagine it's going to be good. It will give you flexibility.

CLIENT: I think that will be a lot easier to not have those deadlines of papers and wanting to get reading done and things like that. It will be more of my own deadline. I'll pretty much just be collecting data next semester, hopefully, as long as everything goes through. That feels good that it will totally be changed up next semester, so it's a little bit nerve-wracking.

THERAPIST: You're uncertain what it will look like, but it does seem hopeful.

CLIENT: This is just like a hard point in the semester, but this point feels unsustainable. It's hard to keep this up, so it's nice to know that it's almost over. [00:14:56]

THERAPIST: It doesn't need to be sustainable. This is absolutely crunch time not just for you. I think everyone is feeling the pressure of the academic cycle.

CLIENT: Definitely. I think it's hard because Todd and I in some ways it's nice that we're on that same academic cycle, but in other ways...

THERAPIST: In other ways' it's not balanced. There is a period of time when you're having your crazy time.

CLIENT: Yeah, he's worried about grading when I'm worried about passing papers in. I think it is just a busy time.

THERAPIST: For sure it is.

CLIENT: But it's nice that once I get the papers back we have to return them by tonight so I might be late but then I think I will have a little bit of a breather, at least until the end of the week, which will be nice, too, because other than that, everything just sort of fell toward the end of the semester. I guess that's okay because it made the beginning and middle part a little more manageable; but now it's like there are all of these deadlines.

THERAPIST: You feel like you've been paying for that. [00:15:54]

CLIENT: Yeah. Yeah.

THERAPIST: When you do have that breather, what do you do to give yourself space to relax a little bit, to get rejuvenated?

CLIENT: Usually when I don't have something due, Todd will put Trae to bed and we'll make dinner or he'll make dinner and then just hang out and watch we're addicted to the West Wing. We'll watch that together and just relax; and I feel like lately we'll put Trae to bed and it is nice to sit down and have dinner together, then I'll go back to work. I was just thinking that it will be so nice tomorrow night to just veg out on the couch and not have to do that. I still haven't figured out to get in exercising. I feel like that's harder now because before I felt like I could just throw Trae in the stroller and I still felt like I got my exercise just by walking and stuff. But now that it's colder out and it gets dark so early...

THERAPIST: It's hard. That's not as available.

CLIENT: I think it will be good to figure something like that out over the winter, what we can do. I definitely want some sort of outlet, especially if my schedule will feel a little bit better, hopefully. Then I will be able to do that. [00:17:09] I didn't even get a gym membership this year because I kind of knew it wasn't (chuckles) worth the money. That would be nice, though, to figure something out like that.

THERAPIST: What have you done in the past that you could work in?

CLIENT: In terms of relaxing?

THERAPIST: Or exercising, thinking of problem solving.

CLIENT: I would always either run or walk outside or do yoga and stuff like that through my gym. But because I don't have the membership and I could get one but I just feel...

THERAPIST: Do you have to pay for the whole year if you get one now, or can you get one for the semester?

CLIENT: I think I can do it for the semester, but it's the one like I'll go to the one at school, then it would extend my day at school longer away from Trae. I just don't know if that's what I want anyway. If I had to say which would I rather do go to the gym or get home to my baby? I think I'd rather just go home. It's hard to figure that out, but my sister moved just down the street. [00:18:13]

THERAPIST: Oh. Wow.

CLIENT: Yeah, which has been awesome. She babysat for us I think the last time I was here.

THERAPIST: I know she had worked up to doing sort of her first babysitting alone.

CLIENT: Yeah, and that was so nice; and it's fun to have her around because we haven't lived in the same city since I was in high school. We're nine years apart, so it's kind of like a whole new relationship for us. [...] (crosstalk at 00:18:34) She just got a gym membership and said that she can bring a guest with her, so I was like, "Oh, then I'll definitely come with you once in a while." I feel like something like that might work out, but I don't have to actually get a membership. I can go with her every once in a while.

THERAPIST: I know that you've done yoga. I know there are a lot of places you can just pay for a class or buy a pass to take a few classes or something, which might fit better right now. It might be a little bit sporadic when you can fit it in. [00:19:07]

CLIENT: And we were looking into I found this little baby and parent swim class at the Y, and you can do that over the weekends. Todd thought that might be fun, so that might be something they could do and maybe while they're doing that, I could go do yoga or something. I think it would be nice for them to have time together, too. That's the other thing, I could fit it in over the weekends, but I kind of don't want to do that when we finally can be all together and just relax. But if they were doing something, then I'd feel that it would be better.

THERAPIST: They were still getting this quality sort of family time.

CLIENT: So I think that will be something to look into. There is a winter session that is coming up, so I think that could be good.

THERAPIST: Giving yourself permission that this might not be the most fit time of your life there is a balance between is it good for you to be able to exercise, have that space to yourself? [00:20:07] It's good for mood, it's good for anxiety that is all true; but balanced by it shouldn't feel like another pressure of something that you have to fit in right now. Figuring out where it is actually helping you to push yourself to find time for more movement or exercise, and where is it feeling like something else on the list that's actually creating more stress. There's no right amount right now for you. Somehow doing your own assessment of is this helping me or is this actually hurting me?

CLIENT: And right now I have been okay with just knowing it's just not fitting in right now and it's okay.

THERAPIST: There's just no time for it this semester.

CLIENT: I've been chasing after him now that he's crawling anyway, and I think it will only be more chasing, so at least I get my exercise that way. (both chuckle) [00:20:58]

THERAPIST: I can't believe he's crawling already.

CLIENT: I know, and he turned eight months old on Thanksgiving, so I can't believe it.

THERAPIST: I guess it makes total sense that he's crawling. It does; time really does go very fast. It's amazing; and so that whole part has also just been so fun. It was fun to be with our families so much and I went home on Friday and I didn't come back until Sunday night so we had a nice long time together. That was nice, too. It felt like we didn't really have that since the summer, where it's been like an extended period of days were we all were together, even though Todd wasn't there. It's also hard with the holidays. We feel like such a hard pull between which family we're going to be with. I think we've always kind of had that and we're lucky that both of our families want us, but it definitely feels like...

THERAPIST: It's nice to have but you feel a lot of pressure to please. It's definitely a piece.

CLIENT: And now with Trae I think it's even harder, especially with these first holidays. Of course, everyone wants to... [00:22:08]

THERAPIST: It seems so meaningful to have the first Thanksgiving and the first Christmas. I'm sure it is a big deal for you guys.

CLIENT: Yeah. So it will be interesting to see that because we were just with Todd's family on Thanksgiving, but it made me feel better to keep saying to my family, "We're spending the whole weekend with you after, so don't worry." And they are really good about not putting the pressure on me out loud, but I know that they really wanted us to be home, so that's hard to figure that part out. But then it's going to be the reverse for Christmas because I don't really think we'll see Todd's family on that actual day and I already know that's going to be...

THERAPIST: How do you and Todd determine who gets who when and where?

CLIENT: It's hard. I feel like the two of us definitely have our moments of disagreement, but we're not a couple that gets into fights or anything a lot. I feel like the holidays, figuring this out, is like the only time of year really when it's hard. [00:23:09] We have tense conversations around trying to figure it out. I think it's hard. I know that we need to compromise, but for me I still think I'm a baby and the idea of not seeing my family on Christmas or Thanksgiving is just really hard for me. I think sometimes Todd kind of feels an in between, wanting to please his mom and wanting to please me and knowing what to do with that. This is really one of the first years where we finally have just said we're not going to spend the actual days driving to try and see both families like now. It's just too hard with Trae. That we have done. We're just seeing his family on Thanksgiving and just seeing mine on Christmas Day and planning another celebration with his family on a different weekend; so we'll still get to have our Christmas with them, too. I think it will only get harder, too, but I think that's hard to figure out. We're able to talk about it, which is good, but there are always tense moments trying to figure it out. [00:24:13]

THERAPIST: those can be really difficult times. There are so many factors involved and so many people that you care about; and you want everyone to be happy and not everybody can be happy.

CLIENT: Exactly, especially at this time of year. You don't want people to be disappointed on Thanksgiving or on Christmas. I don't think there really is a way to please everybody, so now we just have to make some harder decisions. So we'll see how it goes. We made it through Thanksgiving. I know that my family was a little disappointed, but it worked out well.

THERAPIST: That sort of changes how to think about what is the celebration and what does the actual day mean. [00:25:00]

CLIENT: I know. I think we have to just get over the idea that we have to celebrate on that actual day. We had Thanksgiving, round two, on Friday, so I think that was okay.

THERAPIST: That can be stressful, too. I mean I think that's great that they are close enough that you can do that, but it's a lot of hoopla and sustained intensity to be able to do double Christmas and double Thanksgiving.

CLIENT: Definitely. Definitely is a lot.

THERAPIST: What's going to help you get through the next couple of weeks or days until you get these final papers graded and done?

CLIENT: I'm not sure. I think it's nice to know that I will have a little bit of down time in the next couple of days and even this weekend. There will be some work I should get done, but I don't feel like this huge pressure for work to be done this weekend, which feels good. [00:25:59] We're going to make plans with some of our friends and just hang out, which I think will be nice after the past few weekends. They've have been busier or we haven't all been together. I'm definitely looking forward to that and knowing that at least I'll have some down time. And then going into next week I can feel a little more refreshed because I feel like going into this week it was still just sort of a whirlwind.

THERAPIST: You didn't have any down time. You can use that as sort of a way to keep yourself motivated looking forward to those plans that you've made.

CLIENT: And it was really nice. We went out to dinner for Todd's birthday. That was when my sister babysat for us. That was just so nice to have some time just for the two of us. We weren't even gone that long, but we were just like, "This is wonderful."

THERAPIST: You got to be free.

CLIENT: So I think planning for something like that, too. My birthday will come up soon, too. Our birthdays are only like a month apart and a year, so I'm thinking Todd will do the same thing for my birthday. That will be another good thing to have.

THERAPIST: To look forward to some actual couple time. And you said you had plans with friends this weekend. Is that with baby or without? [00:27:09]

CLIENT: With. Our friend is due any day, so we wanted to see her. She already has two kids. This is baby number three, so we want to see her before this next baby comes along. That will be nice, too, and just kind of hang out, because I feel like we haven't had time to really do that.

THERAPIST: I'm glad that you're able to plan those kinds of things even with all the papers that you've had. It shows a lot of forethought.

CLIENT: I guess. (laughs) It's been hard to just make sure that I think I've always been a planner for sure, but I feel like a do have to map things out even more now. [00:28:00]

THERAPIST: There are more variables and less wiggle room. It used to be that if something took longer than expected or something else came up, it's only you that had to decide whether or not you were going to fit it in and how. Now you've got these other the child care variable and limited time.

CLIENT: I think if I just keep doing that, that will get me through just the next two or two and a half weeks and then I'll be feeling much better.

THERAPIST: You'll be done. Survived your first semester.

CLIENT: yes. And then it is just weird to think that I'll then be moving into a whole different phase of this whole program. I'll have half a course left to take, so I'm not sure when I'll take that. I think I might just sort of save it for down the road if there's some new course or something that's offered.

THERAPIST: When is your expected graduation? [00:28:57]

CLIENT: The average is six years, so this is my third year. I still have a ways to go. It's nice that I don't really have to. Some people start their program saying, "I have to be done in five years," and it's nice that I definitely don't have that pressure. Financially, it would be good to be finished the sooner the better; but a lot of my friends whose spouses kind of moved here for them are saying, "I have to be done in a certain amount of time so we can go on vacation," or whatever. It's nice to know we're here. Todd's job is here, too, so I don't feel that pressure of having to get things done.

THERAPIST: Right, so if it takes five or it takes six or it takes seven, it doesn't majorly change your life really.

CLIENT: Yeah, so that's nice. It would be good to keep on track and kind of try and get through it as fast as I can, but I know that definitely now having Trae I know that I'm not going to be able to fly through this program.

THERAPIST: You're not going to fast-track this. (both laugh) Becoming a parent in the midst of it doesn't help with fast-tracking a degree. [00:30:01]

CLIENT: Definitely not. But especially with our program because it does take so long. At graduation there are tons of kids, which is really funny. Lots of kids will walk up with their parent to get the diploma because, over six years, lots of people are having babies.

THERAPIST: Right. A lot of people have changed their lives. I've been to a couple of graduations and the same thing happens.

CLIENT: Yeah, I bet. So we'll see. It does feel good. I think I'm ready for courses to be over. I enjoy the courses I've taken, the majority of them, but this semester I have enjoyed the course but it's just hard to manage it all. I'm kind of glad this phase will be done. But like we said, the next phase does feel so uncertain.

THERAPIST: Well, because it's new and you haven't done it yet. You haven't been in a semester where you're not actively taking classes and having that structure. That structure has been helpful to you in some ways. I think that with your experience and planning and creating structure for yourself that you'll probably do well with that. [00:31:07] You've been pretty self-motivated up until now so I think that will continue and you will be able to put the structures that you need in place and take advantage of the flexibility that you have when something, like what happened today, comes up. That will be a lot easier for you guys to manage without you having a set class that you have to be at at a certain time or a paper that's due in three minutes. (both laugh) Anything else we should be looking at or exploring before we do some relaxation?

CLIENT: I think that's everything. I've been thinking more about we've had a really good stretch with nursing, too, and so I wonder I think that's been helping me to kind of move along. Even though I'm feeling moments of feeling overwhelmed, I think if that were also not in place right now, it might be the one thing to kind of put me over the edge. (chuckles) [00:32:04] But it feels good to know that that part is going well. I think that's helped me to get through a tough stretch in terms of school, and even in terms of him not sleeping so well the past few nights. I just keep thinking, "Well, at least I know that he's eating well."

THERAPIST: What's different in terms of the nursing because that was the thing that was really feeling difficult for you the last time we met?

CLIENT: Now over the past week, sometimes he's just so distracted and popping on and off and can't really settle down to nurse; and he's been totally fine for this whole week. I feel like this has been I almost want to write a note to myself so I'll remember a good reminder of there are the ups and down and I feel like we were having trouble just getting him to settle down and not be so distracted for a while that I was forgetting that we'll also have a good period. [00:33:01]

THERAPIST: Is there something different in what you're doing or where you're nursing?

CLIENT: The only thing because I've been trying a separate room and having it be dark and shutting the door for a while but I have been sticking a little blanket with us so he plays with the end of it. I don't know if it's just a weird coincidence or if it really is helping, because we were reading that sometimes they just need something to play with as they're nursing because he is so easily distractible. So I don't know. Maybe we're onto something. But now wherever I go, I bring that blanket with me.

THERAPIST: I wonder if that's enough sensory to put that plus the nursing is sort of enough to satisfy him, satisfy his curiosity; or if it's a way of self-soothing. A lot of times you'll notice people will rub a piece of fabric. He may just need to soothe in that way. It's hard to know if that's really it or not, but if that's working then... [00:34:01]

CLIENT: Then we'll go for it. Just keep that little blanket with us. But that has felt good. And I feel like I know that we could have another rough patch, but to remember this part...

THERAPIST: That you'll come back to this.

CLIENT: Yeah, because I just feel like we haven't had a nice, long stretch of good nursing in a while where I don't have to be worried that he's getting enough and stuff like that.

THERAPIST: Just marking on the calendar, make a little symbol for yourself so that you can keep it fresh.

CLIENT: I think that's a really good idea. It's funny how that does influence me.

THERAPIST: It impacts your mood a lot.

CLIENT: I know, and so I think it is good to just remember. I think before, like when we're going through a harder stretch, I just let myself get so worried about it and get sort of down on it. To remember that it is just a stretch and he's proven to me before that there is no consistency, at least that won't be consistent. Just to remind myself of that I think will be good. [00:35:05]

THERAPIST: I'm glad you're having an easier time of it.

CLIENT: Yeah, me too.

THERAPIST: Enjoy it again, because it was something that was pretty upsetting to you when it wasn't going well, so you have a space where you're getting the good feedback, too, that something is working.

CLIENT: Yeah, it definitely feels good.

THERAPIST: I'm glad for you. Let's take a couple of minutes to let you have peace of relaxation. I'm going to turn off the overheads to have a little less glimmering on you. See how dark it is. It's day without them, but it's good for getting into a relaxing spot.

CLIENT: Definitely.

THERAPIST: So let yourself close your eyes. Get comfortable in the chair. Find a pace of breathing that feels comfortable for you. [00:36:02] Just notice as you let your breathing slow, let your inhales and exhales extend a bit, noticing how that feels different in your body. (pause) Take a moment to notice what's going on in your head. Acknowledge the thoughts that are there and then, without any judgment, let go of those thoughts for now. Important facts can come back to you when they're needed. Anything else doesn't need to be there. (pause) Working at your own pace at whatever rhythm feels natural for you, whenever you're ready to inhale squeeze your eyes tightly shut, noticing where that brings tension to your face. [00:36:02] When you're ready to exhale, let that go, allowing your eyes to remain gently closed. Let yourself repeat that squeezing and tightly shut as you inhale, and then relax as you exhale. On your next breath in you're going to squeeze your teeth tightly together, noticing the tension in your jaw. When you're ready to exhale, let your jaw drop and your teeth come apart. Inhaling, clenching your teeth. Exhaling and relaxing. On your next breath in you're going to drop your chin towards your chest. And as you exhale, let your head float up to a neutral position, repeating that by dropping your head as you inhale and allowing it to float up as you exhale. [00:38:07] On your next breath in, tilting your head to one side, ear toward your shoulder, exhale, float up to a neutral position. Inhale. Drop your head the other way and gently let it float up as you exhale. Inhaling and shrugging your shoulders up toward your ears. Exhaling and letting them drop down. Inhale, shrugging up. Exhale, dropping them down. On your next breath in, you're going to bring your hands towards your shoulders, making tight biceps. Exhale, letting your hands drop all the way down. [00:38:57] Inhaling and tightening your biceps, bringing your hands to your shoulders. Exhaling and letting them drop all the way down. Inhaling and squeezing tight fists, noticing what that feels like on your hands. Exhaling, release. Inhale and squeeze tight fists. Exhale and release. On your next breath in, you're going to tighten your abdominal wall, squeezing your belly button toward your spine. Exhale and relax your belly, taking a full deep breath. Inhale and tighten. Exhale and release. Inhaling and squeezing your knees together on this breath. Exhale, letting your legs come apart. Inhale, squeezing your knees together. Exhale, letting them come apart. [00:40:00] On your next breath, you're going to pull your toes back toward you as you inhale. Exhale and let them fall back to the floor. Inhale and flex. Exhale and let them fall back to the floor. On your next breath in, you're going to lift your legs up off the floor, tightening your things, your hips, your abdominal wall. When you exhale, let your feet fall all the way back down. Inhale, tighten and lift. Exhale and release. On your next breath in, you're going to point your toes toward the floor, noticing the tension in your calves. Exhale and relax your ankles. Relax your lower legs. Inhale and point. Exhale and release. Take a moment to notice the thoughts in your head. Notice anything that's crept in there. Acknowledge it and, without any judgment, let it go again, allowing your head to be empty, letting your body be relaxed. [00:41:11] Continuing to breath at a relaxed pace, let yourself repeat that process, scanning your body for any tension that's crept back in and exhaling, letting it go. Scanning your thoughts, noticing what's there. And letting it go. Repeat that process as many times as you need to, letting yourself stay relaxed or feeling even more relaxed. Maybe allowing a word to come to you that helps you label this feeling so you can get back there easily any time you want by recalling that word.

Think about breathing it in. Beginning to let yourself come back to the room slowly at your own pace, bringing this feeling of relaxation and calm with you wherever you go. Hold onto that. I know we scheduled a couple of sessions for December, so I will see you then.

CLIENT: That felt nice.

THERAPIST: Good. I'm glad.

CLIENT: I definitely need to be better about doing that on my own. I feel like I haven't been so good with that.

THERAPIST: Sometimes it's hard to remember to fit it in.

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