TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: (Laughter) Glad to hear that.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. I was thinking about just a week ago and now things feel much better.

THERAPIST: So much can change in a week.

CLIENT: I know. Definitely. So all of my own stuff is done. I turned in my last final on Friday and then all of my grading is done for the course that I was a teaching fellow for.

THERAPIST: Congratulations.

CLIENT: We had our meeting yesterday so we're pretty much done with that, too. There are a couple of other, like a couple of papers that my professor's reviewing and he's going to get back to me but for the most part everything is done as of yesterday, so -

THERAPIST: A lot that you accomplished in the last week.

CLIENT: I know, I have like a to-do list at home that I've been just like crossing things out but I keep looking at it, like, I can't believe I really did get all of that done. You finished it.

THERAPIST: You finished it.

CLIENT: So it does feel good to know that I got it all done and it definitely wasn't very easy, but I was able to -

THERAPIST: You worked very hard.

CLIENT: Yeah. I was able to get it done, so that does feel good.

THERAPIST: Well good for you and congratulations.

CLIENT: Thank you.

THERAPIST: So when you take a deep breath where do you find yourself?

CLIENT: I really feel it's almost like I still feel like I'm in that weird state of transitioning from being so busy and so on edge to know feeling like there isn't anything to do. Today I just met a friend from school for coffee and I was like this is so weird like I haven't had a chance to do that and so today there are just like little odds and ends things to do at school so I feel like to get those done, but then it is kind of like I'm in a weird spot now to be like there isn't anything hanging over me which feels really nice but also it just, I think it's hard for me to transition to like, have so much to do to have not that there's nothing to do, I feel like. Unfortunately as a grad student there's always like something that's coming, but that I'm in this down time. I think it's hard to kind of figure out to let myself just let go and be like, ‘okay, it's okay to just sit on the couch and watch

TV if I want, like that's okay. So I think it is like a little weird right now, just trying to figure out like making that transition.

THERAPIST: So you don't really know where you are -

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: you're used to being at the next thing -

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: and the next on your list and what's next, that to stop and take a deep breath and just kind of feel the moment.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You don't know, you don't remember -

CLIENT: No. I know.

THERAPIST: to do that.

CLIENT: And even yesterday when I left myself a big chunk of time for grading because our meeting was at 4 and I'd done some over the weekend, because I'd kind of anticipated it taking longer than I thought and I finished like and had an hour or two like before I needed to leave to come to the meeting but it was weird like I ended up going back and double checking like the way I entered in the grades into the spreadsheet, like doing things that were kind of a waste of time because I didn't anticipate having that extra time. It was almost like I didn't know what to do with myself. And I think I was really, I felt myself being like really cautious of things I was doing yesterday with the grades to make sure that there would be nothing that I could think of to worry about and so I think that's why I did I wanted to go back and check with all the grades that I'd given them on their papers to make sure I transposed them into the spreadsheet correctly I'm sure the other TF's didn't do but I did just because I think, for me I knew that was something I might be worried about. And, because I did have the time to do it. I kind of was like, ‘oh, I might as well,' and then even if I allow myself to worry about that, like I can tell myself I checked it. So I think that was something I've caught myself doing a lot of times at the end of the semester. When I get my own stuff done it's almost like I transfer the worry to then like the students' grades and sometimes I feel like I end up worrying about them more than they probably do. And so I think I definitely got lucky with the group of students that I had because we didn't really have like the ones that I was responsible for grading I didn't really have any students who were really struggling and I'm not giving out any grades that like I think any of the students are going to be really going to be disappointed in so I think I kind of lucked out there. Because there have been years in the past where I dreaded some of the students getting their final grades or whatever so I think I got lucky with that but I still was like I felt myself being like being very alert to things yesterday in our grading meeting like making sure like I said my piece and got things out there so I wouldn't be worried about it after because I almost feel like I'll be looking for something to worry about and I don't want that to be something that I will be worried about.

THERAPIST: What could you do instead of looking for worries when you have time?

CLIENT: I know, and I need to not do that. I feel like this is a good time of year even just to not be looking for that, because I love the holidays and I feel like we have a lot of fun things to look forward to in the next week or two so I think that will help. Like if I had finished and there is nothing to do and Todd's going to work, but I think we're coming up to a fun time where he's going to be able to take some time off. We'll be with our family and I think that's good to look forward to that stuff. But I do, I think that that's probably the new thing I'm thinking about now is like, where will I find something to worry about in this down time?

THERAPIST: Right, maybe you could find some things to actually let yourself enjoy in the down time rather than looking for worries.

CLIENT: I know.

THERAPIST: What do you look forward to? What is fun about the holidays for you?

CLIENT: I think it will be Trae's first Christmas which I think will be really fun. We'll go home with we'll be with my family Christmas day and then we're going to my grandmother's the next day so just like to be able to see everyone and for everyone to see Trae because a lot of my aunts and uncles and cousins haven't seen him for a couple of months. So all of that I think will be really nice and it'll be like our first Christmas as a little family, too. So, we switched up our tradition. Usually depending on whose family we're with we'll go like for Christmas Eve, but we're actually going to stay home and wake up at home on Christmas morning with Trae which I think will be really fun, which probably doesn't matter he won't remember it at all but at least -

THERAPIST: You'll remember it.

CLIENT: we're establishing, yeah, the tradition of him waking up on Christmas morning.

THERAPIST: It's meaningful to wake up together in your own home.

CLIENT: Definitely. So I think all of that will be really fun to look forward to and even just having time like to wrap presents and eat cookies and just like silly things like that, like I haven't had time to do any of that, so I think that that will be nice.

THERAPIST: What are your favorite parts of Christmas?

CLIENT: I think just having time to hang out with even like my family. We do like a marathon time opening gifts. Like we just spread it out over the whole day and that's something that we stay in our pajamas all day long and then just have such a relaxing day. So I think that will be the part that I'm most looking forward to.

THERAPIST: That sounds nice.

CLIENT: It's really nice. My stepdad always makes a big breakfast and then we do some kind of big dinner. Usually my grandmother comes, too, like later in the day, but we really are in our pajamas until like 4 o'clock. So for Christmas we promised our family that we would stay in our pajamas and get in the car and go home for Christmas, that no one would change. (Laughter) So that will be good.

(Pause): [00:07:58 00:08:05]

THERAPIST: That sounds nice. I was just looking at how you kind of smile as you think about it and remember Christmases past.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Doing the same things.

CLIENT: Yeah, I think it will be good. And I do, like sometimes it's hard knowing that it just worked out. We'll be with my family but it's hard. I know like Todd's parents really wish that they we could figure out seeing them and we spent Thanksgiving with them and all of that I think is just so hard and like then it gets to like, this is my holiday and your holiday and all of that, it's hard to work out, so part of it does, it's hard to know like we're disappointing one side of the family but I also, we were able to have a great time with them on Thanksgiving so and they're actually coming, Todd's parents are going to stay with us on Thursday and Friday of this week so we'll get to see them a lot, but I think I know it's really hard at first for mom's especially. (Cross talk)

THERAPIST: (Unclear) special about being here in the holidays and having Trae's first one.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: They're missing that.

CLIENT: Right. But then there's a part of me that felt really sad that we weren't with my family on Thanksgiving and my mom, like we talked about it a lot and she was really good about not pressuring us to try and like get back to my parents' like at the end of the day or whatever. But I know they were disappointed not to see him on Thanksgiving, so it's just like trying to balance (cross talk) -

THERAPIST: You can't prevent all disappointments.

CLIENT: Yeah. And it's all for a good reason I guess because they all want to see Trae.

THERAPIST: It sounds like people are good about, although they clearly have feelings and are disappointed, it sounds like people are trying to be respectful about not guilting you anymore than you're already feeling -

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: upset for their sadness.

CLIENT: Right. So I think it will definitely work out, but it is just hard to know that someone's being disappointed.

THERAPIST: Not everybody can have everything.

CLIENT: Right. But it will still be a good day. (Laughs)

THERAPIST: I'm sure there'll be lots of really good parts.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Except the way you describe it it's so opposite to how the end of the semester is -

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Hurry, hurry, hurry. Get this thing done, get the next thing done. To have such a nice contrast where your family sounds like it's slow and they spread it out and prolong the experience. There's a nice contrast to the hurriedness, the rushed end of the semester.

CLIENT: Yeah, definitely. It will be nice. ‘Cause it does feel like it's just been at this crazy pace but now all of a sudden I'm like, ‘oh, like I have a chance to read, like this is weird. (Laughs)

THERAPIST: A chance to remember how to do it.

CLIENT: I know.

THERAPIST: Take those long, slow deep breaths.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: I know one of the things you were struggling with last week when you had so much on your plate was feeling like you weren't doing any of your roles well enough as a mom, as a wife and as a student and I'm wondering how that stuff is sitting with you now.

CLIENT: I feel like now what's nice is that I'll have a chance to, I feel like I'll have more time especially for January ‘cause classes aren't even happening and I'm not taking any classes but I'll have the classroom teaching fellow, but it feels like at least with January I can take on like more of those responsibilities I feel like kind of shifted to Todd and that I feel like I'll just have more time to be able to do the things that I want to do.

THERAPIST: To focus more on one role, two roles, rather than juggle all three of them.

CLIENT: Yeah. I think that will just feel really nice to not have to feel so pulled in so many different directions. So, we'll see. And I've even been joking with Todd saying that he can get me an easy cookbook or something that has like simple meals so I can feel like I'm doing my part with like something easy to put together like one or two nights so he doesn't feel like all of that on him, too.

THERAPIST: All the responsibility for cooking.

CLIENT: Yeah. ‘Cause I really enjoy it. It's just that there isn't time so I feel like that would be fun for me to be able to do more of that too.

THERAPIST: That can fit in.

CLIENT: Yeah. So even little things like that I think will help.

THERAPIST: It sounds like it's a good idea.

CLIENT: Yeah, (chuckle) but I've also been thinking, too, ‘cause with our day care we still have to pay even if we don't send him, so he'll be going for two days through January and part of me like feels like is that going to be weird for me like when he goes to day care and I really feel like am I not going to know what to do with myself, you know, and so there are some things coming up and I'm going to take on a little job (ph) [00:12:49] like a consulting job through January to make a little bit of money which I think will be good and then the class I'm a teaching fellow for, we still have a lot of preparation to do for that so I feel like I actually am going to have some work over January but I think it will be a manageable amount so in a way I almost think that it's great because I can just think of those two days as like work days to get that stuff done.

THERAPIST: That that'll be enough time to do the stuff you need to.

CLIENT: Yeah. But I've been trying to think about what that will be like. Am I going to feel like antsy or like that I should be doing something really productive though on those days when he's in day care. Am I going to like feel guilty that he's there. I don't know. It's hard to kind of foresee how I'll feel but I feel like up until now like the days that he goes to day care I absolutely have to have him go because I have so much work to do, but now with January it will be weird that like, he might as well go because we have to pay for it and I know I'll have stuff to do, but I don't know. I wonder if that's going to feel like weird to me when it actually happens.

THERAPIST: I wonder what you could do for yourself.

CLIENT: I know and I've been thinking about that, too, but it's almost like I feel like I have to be using that time for like school stuff or like work stuff and I don't know why. It shouldn't be that way, but -

THERAPIST: What is that message that you're sending yourself? Why what is that feeling that day care time has to be work time?

CLIENT: Yeah. I think because we're so long anxious to have been thinking about it that way so that I don't I think about it that way so I can get as much work done as I can so I don't have to be doing work when I want to be with Trae. But now I think I'll probably have like a manageable amount of work so maybe I could use it to go do yoga or something. But it just feels funny to think about it in that way ‘cause I haven't had that opportunity to use it in that way yet.

THERAPIST: Yeah, you haven't had much opportunity to do any of those kinds of things for yourself. You're time has been stretched so thin.

CLIENT: Yeah, right.

THERAPIST: The only available time that you've had was really limited.

CLIENT: And it feels like that for so long that I was even thinking tomorrow, like if I'm home with him when he takes a nap I think I won't the second he falls asleep I won't have to run to my computer and try to get work done, like I could do something else and I feel like even since this summer, because I had finals over me, like any kind of down time that I had I had work to do and so I feel like it will be so nice if that pattern can change but it feels weird, like in the process of changing.

THERAPIST: Yeah, get a little of your balance back

CLIENT: Yeah and I it was so funny because I just met with a friend right before here and she is one year behind me in our program and thinking about having kids and she wanted to just talk about it all and she's like, ‘it just looks like you have everything together, you've found this great balance.' (Laughter) I really got a lift out of it (Laughter) because I certainly haven't found it. But she's like, ‘really, I never would have guessed that.' And I just thought that was -

THERAPIST: It's funny how different it feels on the inside.

CLIENT: I know. Yeah. I was like, ‘no, once you've had your baby we can definitely commiserate, it's like we can strategize. I don't have any answers for you.' But it was kind of funny to see that from her perspective it looks so easy.

THERAPIST: Well, not necessarily she wasn't saying it was easy. Maybe she did but what you said she said was that you had it all together.

CLIENT: Yes, that's what she said.

THERAPIST: And I think it's interesting that, so you've a lot of the time felt like you know I think the last two weeks were an exception where you felt like everything was falling apart so for the most part what I heard you saying was that it felt fragile that you were actually, you did have it all together, you were getting your work done and you were having some really good quality time with Trae on Fridays and you know, you and your husband were getting along fine.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: You weren't fighting because you were stressed out but it felt really fragile like if one thing didn't go the way it was supposed to go, if the timing was off, you were like the whole house of cards was doing to fall apart and you kind of feared that disaster. If you had a night where you couldn't sleep, were you going to make it through the next carefully constructed day?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: But as fragile as that felt it did work.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: People saw on the outside what you got through. You did your semester requirements with no teachers or professors feeling like you were not really participating or part of the class. They felt you did great. You did fine. And Trae thrived.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: And your family sought you. So you really did it.

CLIENT: Yeah, it definitely feels good to know that it's over and I hope there's still that piece of me that I wish that it worked, such a hard, I feel like I made it so hard for Todd, too. You know, that this was a very hard semester for him, too. And so when we were celebrating -

THERAPIST: You feel that you made it hard for him?

CLIENT: Kind of. Like I think sometimes he tries to do so much more than I'm asking him to, and so we talk a lot about that, but like I'm he takes it upon himself sometimes to do things because he's trying to help but I'm not asking for him to do all of that either. So I'm almost -

THERAPIST: Is that something that he's always done or is this in response to that really terrible semester you had a couple of years ago?

CLIENT: I think he's always, I mean he's just so thoughtful, like I think that he always is doing things to try and like make me happier, you know, like trying to do something special or something like that, but I feel like it definitely changed since that really hard semester where he, I think like he sees my priorities, especially before Trae, was that it was like getting work done and so he would try and do little things to make that easier but I think that now with Trae and I always joke with him like sometimes I think he feels like when I'm taking all this time to be nursing Trae, he feels like during that time he can't just sit on the couch and relax, like during that time he needs to be cooking dinner or he's doing laundry or something which is so helpful but I feel like sometimes I'm like, ‘just go sit on the couch,' like, ‘you don't have to be doing something.'

THERAPIST: Like a competition to do more.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I think some of it is because he saw me struggle so much with breast feeding at the beginning and he knows how hard it is so I almost feel like when I am doing that now, he feels like he should be doing something -

THERAPIST: He should be working hard, too.

CLIENT: Yeah. So I do feel like I feel proud that you got through this semester but part of me feels like guilty that I feel like I did depend on Todd so much to get through this semester and we've talked a lot about it and that's part of being a team, too, so I think I'm really lucky. A part of me just feels like now it can be my turn to like step up a little bit, too. Even just thinking like his grading is kind of reverse, since he's the professor and I'm the student, he has to do all this tons of grading that all of his students pass it in on the 20th so he kind of has a hard stretch coming up and part of me was like, ‘I'm kind of glad because I can do nice things for him during that really hard time.'

THERAPIST: Kind of trade off.

CLIENT: Yeah and so not like I'm glad that he has like a stressful couple of weeks coming up -

THERAPIST: No, but that they didn't come at the same exact time.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Yours came now, or last week -

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: And his is coming so you guys can trade off who takes on the other's responsibilities.

CLIENT: Yeah. So I think that will just make me feel better, too, ‘cause sometimes I just feel badly like he feels like he's the important priority but like he feels last among the important priorities.

THERAPIST: So many important things now.

CLIENT: Yeah, yeah. And so I think that this will be a nice time to just know that he's not last among all those important ones.

THERAPIST: It seems like you feel like he feels like he comes last on your list but maybe you're not last on his.

CLIENT: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Which is like, I'm so lucky, like I know that's a great thing to be talking to you about (laughing) and I feel so supported but I do want to I feel like it doesn't feel good to not have a chance to like reciprocate, I guess. So now I feel l can be more of a chance.

THERAPIST: You have an opportunity to do that.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: How is breast feeding and stuff with Trae going?

CLIENT: That like has been so much better so that really, because I think when you said, like it's like it was this fragile thing and that was one thing that would throw me off, was when we were having trouble and so now I feel like we've been in a good stretch and I also feel like I can just see that he's gained a lot of weight in the past couple of weeks or I guess month or two and so that doesn't make me feel as nervous, too. Like when we had that appointment around six months and not like he was ever like a skinny little baby, but he wasn't like a chunky baby and so when we would have one session that didn't go well, like -

THERAPIST: That you felt like wasn't room to spare.

CLIENT: Yeah. And now I feel he's getting little rolls and he's doing there's one time that was not going so well and I feel like over all I'm okay.

THERAPIST: He's got some stores now?

CLIENT: Yeah (laughs) those little chunk rolls, those make me feel better. So that has been really nice, like I feel like that hasn't been a worry and I know like there are always the ups and downs but I feel like now -

THERAPIST: You've been through a lot of those now so after down comes another up.

CLIENT: Yeah. And that's why I just like keep reminding myself that it's okay if we do go through another stretch because then there will be another up.

THERAPIST: And the more experience you have under your belt the more you come to see both sides of it, the easier it is to get through a place.

CLIENT: Yeah. And I keep thinking that my goal was a year and we really don't have that much more time left and as hard as it is I feel like I'll also really miss it and so that's been something like I also don't want to let myself get so frustrated with it all because now I feel like there isn't that much more time left.

THERAPIST: You don't have to stop at a year if you don't want to.

CLIENT: And it's funny because now I've been thinking like,

THERAPIST: At first it was the -

CLIENT: What if I don't want to stop?

THERAPIST: can I make it to a year?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: But no one's going to cut you off.

CLIENT: Right. So that feels kind of nice, too.

THERAPIST: Not that I'm implying that to change your goal.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Your goal of a year is your goal, but you know that can be flexible.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Just like it could have been flexible to stop earlier if it wasn't working for you, you also could extend it if you want to.

CLIENT: Yeah, ‘cause I was thinking that even if we could do like right now, I nursed him before bed, like nurse him, then read him a story and he goes to bed, so that's kind of like part of his routine that I was thinking that even if I could just keep that one nursing session.

THERAPIST: A lot of people when they drop nursing, drop session by session and keep a particular, one nursing session that works for them and it's pretty common to have that, that first one in the morning or that last one at night to be the last one to go.

CLIENT: But it's funny because I feel like on those times when we're having so much trouble I think I can't wait to do it. (Laughter) And now that we've had like a good stretch, it's like oh, well, I don't want it to end.

THERAPIST: And you can vacillate on that as many times as you want.

CLIENT: It's nice that it doesn't have to be this like definitive decision on the day he turns one.

THERAPIST: Really, it's going to be when you feel ready.

CLIENT: Yeah. So it's nice that I feel that that has been -

THERAPIST: That that has been a positive thing a stressor makes a big difference. Feeling like you have some cushion not to put so much pressure on it.

CLIENT: Right. That has definitely made me feel better. And we have an appointment for him in a couple of weeks, too. So I'll be interested to see -

THERAPIST: What happens.

CLIENT: Yeah. But it's nice not to have that because it is, it's like so connected to you, you know like if you're the one providing, doing the nursing, and that's like -

THERAPIST: It's really hard not to feel like that's (cross talk) (unclear) [00:25:30]

CLIENT: Yeah. And I also think it helps now that he's so into solid foods, too, that that helps.

THERAPIST: It sounds like that's been going really well.

CLIENT: Yeah. And if that like if he doesn't want to nurse, well, then I know I can just dump a bunch of milk into his food or whatever and that make a meal, too. So that has felt better.

THERAPIST: So much has changed in is it nine months?

CLIENT: Yeah, I know. No he'll be nine months on the 22nd so.

THERAPIST: You've had him on the outside as long as you carried him.

CLIENT: That's what I keep thinking. I know. It's crazy. Yeah, and I have so many friends who are pregnant right now. So, it's fun to kind of think that. One friend who's my closest friend at school I see her all the time she's like, ‘so what were you feeling at 17 weeks or 18 weeks,' and -

THERAPIST: It's nice to be the voice of wisdom and experience.

CLIENT: It's weird. (Laughter) Yeah.

THERAPIST: So quickly, you've become an expert.

CLIENT: Yeah, I know.

(Pause): [00:26:21 00:26:25]

THERAPIST: Besides that, you are a great support to your friends.

CLIENT: It's nice to be able to have that because I know how much I relied on my friends who were already moms during that time so it's like you have the chance to pay it forward.

THERAPIST: It's nice that you have the kind of friends who were just kind of ahead of you in that stage and friends that you were pregnant with and people that can now turn to you and ask questions.

CLIENT: Yeah. It's nice to be right in the middle. I think we were the same for our wedding, too. So it's like you have friends to ask about the whole process but then -

THERAPIST: It's hard to be the first one.

CLIENT: Yeah. So it was nice that we have lots of people to turn to but can also then like look back like, ‘oh yeah, I remember when Trae was born.' (Laughter)

THERAPIST: Or be thankful you were done with that stage.

CLIENT: I know, yeah. It's funny.

THERAPIST: Anything else we should be catching up on or looking forward to?

CLIENT: I think what's been on my mind is mostly just, I'm like how do I get used to this time when I this more like down time that it is going to be a different month and then even looking for, I keep thinking there's a lot that has to fall into place before I can start collecting data at the school and that's going to be my primary goal for the spring semester, but I also wonder is that going to feel weird because in that in between time before I can actually go to the school, then I'm going to get really busy collecting data, but I do feel like I'm going to have this kind of window coming up kind of like a waiting game where I'm not going to have much work to do and so I feel like it might be this kind of weird time for me because that hasn't happened in this program yet. Like it's always been full force, like so busy.

THERAPIST: You're going to have some practice at figuring out how to relax and enjoy when you have that down time.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: Well, let's practice actually relaxing.

CLIENT: Good.

THERAPIST: Relaxation and then give you some time to just try to be in the moment. Before we do that let's do all the business-y stuff like checking our appointments and -

CLIENT: And I actually only have cash with me today.

THERAPIST: That's fine.

CLIENT: I don't know if you have any change. I just have twenties with me.

THERAPIST: I actually do have change today because I bought lunch.

CLIENT: Good. Perfect.

(Pause): [00:28:50 00:29:00]

THERAPIST: What are you 25?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So let's see 10.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: I thought I had a five.

CLIENT: Oh, perfect. Great. Thank you.

THERAPIST: Do you want a receipt since it's cash.

CLIENT: That's okay.

THERAPIST: And then I have our next appointment on the when are we meeting again? Did we schedule something? You did the fourth?

CLIENT: Yes.

THERAPIST: The fourth at 2:30? Does that still work?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: Perfect.

THERAPIST: Then you're going to see what your schedule is a little later, right?

CLIENT: Right. Yeah, that's good and then by then I should have a good idea of what's going on anyway.

(Pause): [00:29:43 00:29:56]

THERAPIST: And let yourself close your eyes. Start to take some slow deep breaths. Nothing forced. Just finding a natural, relaxed pace for breathing. And as you get more relaxed you may notice that your breath begins to extend letting yourself take fuller inhales and fully exhale, counting.

(Pause): [00:30:28 00:30:39]

THERAPIST: As you breathe just mentally scan your body noticing what you feel, noticing places that you may be holding onto tension and see what you can let go of. As you exhale see what you can release, see how you can let yourself settle into the chair.

(Pause): [00:31:03 [00:31:13

THERAPIST: Notice what's going on in your head, any thoughts that are there, acknowledge them and let them go without any judgment letting your mind be empty so that it can be in the moment to see what's happening and then letting it go.

(Pause): [00:31:3100:31:38)

THERAPIST: Working at your own pace whenever you're ready to inhale, squeeze your eyes tightly shut and then when you're ready to exhale release your eyes letting them stay gently closed with no tension. Repeating that, squeezing them tightly as you inhale and letting them relax as you exhale. The next breath in you're going to clench your teeth tightly together noticing the tension in your jaw and then when you're ready to exhale let your jaw drop and your teeth come apart noticing the difference in the tension in your face. Inhale and clench your teeth. Exhale and release. On your next breath in I want you to drop your chin toward your chest noticing what it feels like on your neck and your throat and then as you exhale let your head float up to a neutral position, inhaling drop your chin forward exhale let it float up. On the next breath in you're going to drop your ear to one shoulder tilting your head to one side, noticing the tension in your neck. Exhaling, let it float up to neutral inhale, letting it drop over gently in the other direction. Exhale, letting it float up to neutral and the next breath in shrug your shoulders up toward your ears noticing where that brings tension to your neck and your shoulders, your back. As you exhale you can drop all the way down releasing the tension from your arms. Inhale shrug up, exhale release. On the next breath in you're going to bend your elbows bringing your hands toward your shoulders, squeezing tight biceps. On your exhale let your hands drop all the way down releasing your arms. Inhale and bend your elbows, exhale release. On the next breath in you're going to make a tight fist noticing the tension in your hands and your fingers and as you exhale release your hands and let them rest. Inhale squeeze a tight fist, exhale and release letting the tension drain out of your fingertips. On the next breath in you're going to tighten your abdomen, squeezing your belly button in towards your spine and exhale and relax letting your belly be soft and full. Inhale and squeeze, exhale release. On the next breath in you're going to squeeze your legs together noticing the tension in your inner thighs. Exhale and let your legs go apart naturally. Inhale and squeeze together exhale and let them come apart. On your next breath in you're going to straighten your legs bringing your feet off the floor noticing tension in your hips and your thighs. When you're ready to exhale let gravity bring your feet back down. And again as you inhale straighten and lift and as you exhale, let them drop all the way back down. On your next breath in you're going to flex your feet pulling your toes back toward you noticing tension in your ankles and shins and as you exhale let your feet relax, toes come down. Inhale and flex, exhale and release. On your next inhale you're going to press your toes down to the floor noticing the tension in your calves as your heels lift up and then as you exhale let them drop back down relaxing your legs and your feet. Inhale and point those feet, exhale and release. On your next breath in you're going to scan your body noticing the tension you feel, any place where it's crept back in or refused to leave. Think about squeezing that space even tighter and then as you exhale, let it go, letting the tension drain away. And you can repeat that process as many times as you need to, scanning and looking for tension and just noticing what your body feels like, exhaling and letting yourself be a little bit more relaxed.

(Pause): [00:36:53 00:37:02]

THERAPIST: You can do the same process to check in with your head noticing what you're aware of and noticing what thoughts are there, letting go of anything that feels like it's sticking, letting it go without judgment and letting yourself just be present in the moment. Important thoughts will come back to you. For now you can just be noticing what it feels like to be relaxed, noticing what you hear, feel alone and then letting it go not needing to hold on.

(Pause): [00:37:39 00:37:47]

THERAPIST: Continue to breathe at a relaxed pace.

(Pause): [00:37:48 00:37:55]

THERAPIST: Memorizing this feeling of being relaxed, being present in the moment so you can hold onto this feeling or return to it whenever you need to.

(Pause): [00:38:03 00:38:12]

THERAPIST: And then when you're ready, let yourself slowly come back to the room at your own pace bringing this peace and calm with you.

(Pause): [00:38:19 00:38:26]

THERAPIST: Good job. So I'll see you after the holidays.

CLIENT: Sounds good, yeah. We need to keep doing more of that. That will be my -

THERAPIST: When you're lost and you don't know what you're supposed to be doing, just do that.

CLIENT: Yeah. Well, thank you very much.

THERAPIST: You're very welcome. (Unclear).

CLIENT: Thank you. You, too. Happy holidays.

THERAPIST: Thank you.

END TRANSCRIPT