TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

CLIENT: I feel good today.

THERAPIST: [...] (inaudible at 00:00:03) ear infection when I last saw you. How's he doing?

CLIENT: He's doing so much better. I think it's been a week and a half since I saw you. This stretch is long because Todd got sick when Trae was sick and then just as Todd was starting to get better, he got sick again last weekend. It's just been a hard, long stretch of everyone not feeling well.

THERAPIST: And you've escaped?

CLIENT: I have.

THERAPIST: Not really because you've been taking care of everyone else.

CLIENT: Exactly. I know. I always joke because I think that teaching middle school made me this immune system. (laughs)

THERAPIST: You probably get exposed to a lot.

CLIENT: Yeah. (both laugh) These middle schoolers are not the cleanest. It was hard because I almost felt myself when Todd was sick that first weekend I think I was here on Friday and he was fine. But then by the time I got home on Friday, I could tell he was really not feeling well. It had been a long week with Trae anyway. I think I said last time that it was kind of nice to have that time with him when I had this lull with school, so it was nice. [00:01:09] But I was definitely looking forward to the weekend to have both of us kind of going at it together. It was just hard with Todd sick and I almost was catching myself feeling annoyed at him, too, and feeling so surprised and almost disappointed in myself for feeling that. It was like I should be comforting him and taking care of him, but part of me was annoyed that he couldn't help me. (laughs)

THERAPIST: You want a little break, too, yeah, and a little help. It's a lot of work to take care of a baby.

CLIENT: Yeah. And so I was feeling those feelings and I think it was coupled with him still not nursing well. I could see him getting better but the nursing wasn't getting better and I think that was a little frustrating. That was a hard weekend and then the week was just kind of a blur because we both were kind of a little behind. [00:02:04] I was home with Trae so much, so it was kind of like a blur. Then Todd's mom came on Thursday night and then Friday came, again, this weekend and I was thinking, "Now is when we'll have another chance to kind of reconnect," and that's when he got sick again and really, when he said the second time and this was a stomach bug and he was thinking, "I really don't feel well. My stomach is upset." My first reaction was like, "Oh, great," thinking in my head where I should be concerned about it and I was concerned, but I felt really disappointed in myself for all of these reactions that I had. Then I think I just got so overtired because I wanted Todd to be able to sleep so I was getting up with Trae. He was getting up really early.

THERAPIST: It's really hard to be a single parent. [00:02:58]

CLIENT: And Todd was acknowledging that saying, "I feel badly that you have been a single parent." It was like I surprised myself. I was disappointed in myself, but I couldn't help it, either.

THERAPIST: You can't help it. You're human and human beings have a range of reactions and emotions and not all of them are beautiful. I think feeling a little resentful that you weren't getting help, even though there is one part of your brain that's saying, ‘I feel bad for my husband. He doesn't feel well." There is another whole part of your reality that you are now a single parent, but also trying to take care of that other parent. If you were really a single parent, you wouldn't have to care about the dad. I think it's very normal that you felt a little bit resentful and would really like him to step up and do his part. Then you feel badly because he can't right now and normally he's a really good husband and a really good dad. That doesn't mean it was not hard for you to do what you were doing, too. [00:04:01]

CLIENT: And I felt like I just kind of hit a wall on Sunday. I think I didn't sleep well and that was another thing, too, because the poor guy needed I usually sleep on the outside of the bed so I can get to Trae when we were nursing and I kind of stayed...

THERAPIST: That kind of is the direct route to the bathroom. (laughs)

CLIENT: But he needed the direct route, (laughs) so we switched sides of the bed and even doing that, it occurred to me switching sides was like, "Oh, is this going to give me a hard time sleeping?" And just having that thought, I think, was enough. And I was just kind of annoyed.

THERAPIST: It was enough to make you aware of how different it felt.

CLIENT: Yeah, I had a really hard time sleeping on Saturday night; and then Sunday Trae didn't nurse well in the morning and I started crying. I just couldn't even stop. Part of me was not really even sure why I was crying. I was crying to Todd. It's not like I had to hold it all in. He knew I was getting frustrated and overwhelmed. [00:05:01]

THERAPIST: And that's exactly it. You were overwhelmed.

THERAPIST: We had planned to go see my friend, Stephanie, with her son, Jackson, who is just a year older than Trae two weekends ago but we rescheduled because everyone was sick for last weekend. We were just going to reschedule again because we keep wanting for both of our families to do a little Christmas or something. It wasn't really just to get the two of us together, but then I was thinking, "Maybe I'll just take Trae and just go down there and see her," because she's always so helpful with breast feeding and everything, too. It started snowing and I had been much better about driving with Trae short distances and places that I'm familiar with, but I hardly ever drive down there she's a distance awayso part of me was a little nervous to even drive with the weather like that. I wasn't sure what the weather was going to do. So I felt like even that indecision of, "Should I go should I not go? Is this just about me because I want to see Stephanie? I know she'll make me feel better, but should I not be going if it's going to snow?" [00:06:08] That just made me cry more and I think I did just get overwhelmed. Part of me was disappointed because then I felt like the whole day turned into me and me being upset and me being overwhelmed when really here is Todd, who couldn't stop going to the bathroom and felt terrible. I feel like I turned it into all about me when it really should have been not about Todd, but he's the one that's not feeling well and I feel like I just kind of turned around...

THERAPIST: It sounds like you were both not feeling well in different ways. He wasn't feeling well physically and you were completely totally worn out emotionally. You weren't feeling well emotionally. [00:06:54]

CLIENT: Right. And he definitely recognized it, too. And so I did. He was like, "I think you should just go. You need to see Stephanie. Go let it out." So I did, and that made me feel a lot better, too, to just go. I think a lot of times if I do get nervous about driving, especially with him, I always never enjoy driving, but now that I have Trae it's like this added precious cargo in the car. I think about it even more, but I always try to not let it, if I am nervous about driving somewhere, I don't want it to prevent me from going. Once I realized the snow was just flurries, it wasn't a problem. I was just like, "I need to go." I'm glad that I did.

THERAPIST: Good for you.

CLIENT: Yeah. And then by the time, even just driving down there, I was like, "What will I even tell her I'm crying about? I didn't even know." I think that was enough to just put it into perspective. She nursed her son so she's kind of my go-to person for questions and stuff. She's been with us all along, helping me figure it all out. That made me feel better, too. [00:08:06]

THERAPIST: I'm glad you got to go because it also let you be really independent. I wonder if some of the frustration is that you're not used to having to be independent on the weekend. You're used to being able to tag-team things and feeling a little bit bereft without him being able to do his typical part. But yet you could sort of edit the plan and be independent and go and get some of what you needed out of the weekend.

CLIENT: Yea. And that did feel good because I don't usually we're good about sometimes they'll come up here or we'll go down there, but usually it's always Todd driving. I've gone down there before Trae was born a couple of times. They only just moved down there like two years ago.

THERAPIST: They used to be across the street, right?

CLIENT: I know, right around the corner. It was so nice. But that was nice to know it is something I can do and I can just do it again, throw him in the car and we can go down there again if we need to. [00:09:03] She is coming up on another hard time. She lost her mom a couple of years ago and her dad is getting remarried this month, so that was kind of nice to know, too, that now I can return the favor, too, and just bust down there if she needs me to, which feels good. It was easier than I thought.

THERAPIST: Going through some times like that, you gain some appreciation for yourself. If you can let go of the beating up on yourself for your reactions and notice what you can do, even if you have some of those harder, less-pleasant feelings.

CLIENT: When he was sick two weekends ago I was telling myself, "You should not be reacting like this." Saturday I was just surprised that I was and thinking, "Sunday is a new day. You can start over and have a better attitude about this." I didn't on Sunday and then it was like he got sick again and I was like, "Now is your chance to be better and take better care of him," and I did it all over again. I feel like I was even worse this time around just because it was like... [00:10:17]

THERAPIST: I wonder what would have happened if you would have let yourself accept your feelings rather than be upset about what you were feeling. I'm thinking in each instance when you didn't like how you were responding, you told yourself that you were, not necessarily in these words, but in some ways you told yourself that you were bad for feeling it, rather than saying in a non-judgmental way, "Oh, look. I'm kind of resentful and mad at him for being sick," in a non-judgmental way. This is what you felt. [00:10:51]

CLIENT: And it is this is a new part of parenting, too, that we just luckily we haven't been sick, like with Trae and Todd at the same time or with two of us at the same time yet, so I think it's like another new thing that we just haven't encountered yet, that's hard. I was even telling my mom how I was just being so ridiculous and she was like, "I even do that, too. I'll run out and do extra errands," when my stepdad, Todd, is feeling sick, because sometimes we just need our space. Just to know that she would react that way, too, made me feel better.

THERAPIST: It's a pretty human reaction.

CLIENT: And I was glad Todd could definitely tell that I was annoyed, so it was nice that I didn't feel like I had to keep it from him. It was almost like we were joking about it by the end of the weekend. He was like, "I'm sick and you're mad at me." At least we could joke about it, but I was so surprised. [00:11:55]

THERAPIST: You'd never felt that way before.

CLIENT: Yeah. I feel like it's so hard with breast feeding. I just feel like I'm hitting a wall. Now I feel like it's better because these past two days have been better, but I think if I saw you three days ago instead of now...

THERAPIST: It would have felt like a different story. It has been such an up and down process for the two of you.

CLIENT: I know. I feel like I don't know why it's so hard for me to just go with it and see; but I think it's almost like he'll be okay and I'll get my hopes up, and then it's like having trouble again. I think it did help to talk to my friend.

THERAPIST: When you say you get your hopes up, what are you really getting your hopes up for? What are you hoping?

CLIENT: To try and keep my supply up, I've been pumping a ton extra. That's just been annoying. I'm just tired.

THERAPIST: Have you had supply issues?

CLIENT: Yeah. Getting to now I have. I only noticed it when he was around eight or nine months. I just wasn't producing as much when I was pumping. [00:13:06]

THERAPIST: Does he need as much?

CLIENT: Yeah that's what I'm not so sure of. I think that I think he does, but maybe he doesn't.

THERAPIST: He's eating more other foods, right?

CLIENT: The solids, right.

THERAPIST: I wonder if yes, your supply is lower, but are you meeting his demand, because his demand might be different? In an ideal world when everything is working the way that nature intended, your supply matches his demand. That's not necessarily the same thing as you having the same supply all the time. Of course, there are times when nature doesn't work out just the way intended, and some people don't supply enough milk; some people have way too much. I wonder if you're worried about something that isn't necessarily a problem. If he's not clawing at you crying, he might not need more. [00:14:00]

CLIENT: Yeah. He just doesn't need... And I think that's what I need to think more about. Stephanie was saying, too, it's not like at 12 months this switch flips and, all of a sudden, now they only want solid foods and milk.

THERAPIST: Something magical changes, sure.

CLIENT: Then it will be more gradual so maybe he is just taking more in terms of solid foods. But every time I say I think I'm in a better perspective about it, something happens.

THERAPIST: Then something changes and you have to renegotiate where you are.

CLIENT: Yeah. But I almost think now I might just not. If he decides he doesn't want to nurse, unless I'm uncomfortable, I don't think I will pump. Before I'd been so diligent about pumping because I was worried about my supply, and I think that was just making me more frustrated because he wasn't nursing and now I have to go do something that's annoying. So I think now or, at least, I'll just see for the week if I don't. I usually will pump in the morning because he takes such a long nap usually that I can't really go that whole stretch; so I do an extra one in the morning and at night, but I think that's all that I'll do. [00:15:13]

THERAPIST: And I think you might notice that you need to sort of gradually wean yourself off of the pump because if you've been keeping up with the same routine but he's actually changing his need, your body doesn't know. If he's weaning, it might be a three-month process; it might be a five-month process; but it's you too.

CLIENT: Yeah, which I think like now, I have in all these extra sessions to try and keep my supply up; but I was thinking that a month from now...

THERAPIST: You're going to be in a world of hurt. (both laugh)

CLIENT: Yeah. So I think I might lay off. When I'm at school I have to pump anyway.

THERAPIST: You don't need to be pumping extra sessions. [00:16:05]

CLIENT: Right. I also think that might just help me, because that's been frustrating to do and then there are more bottles to wash and it all adds up.

THERAPIST: It's a lot of extra stuff. So you might let yourself match what he's doing and see. If he has a nursing session where he doesn't nurse very much and you find yourself very uncomfortable and you want to pump a little just to take the edge off so you're not feeling engorged, then you can do that. But I don't think you need to be creating this extra hurdle for yourself because it doesn't seem like he's asking for milk that's not there.

CLIENT: Right. He really isn't. For him, weaning, I think, will be so much easier. He just really isn't...

THERAPIST: He's not in love with it. [00:16:56]

CLIENT: Yeah, I know. I guess that makes me feel better. I think it would be harder to know that it was such a comfort for him and he loved it so much.

THERAPIST: He's got other things that are comforting, I'm sure.

CLIENT: Yeah. We're actually going to Arizona to visit Todd's parent s and all of my friends are like, "Don't worry about the flight, just nurse him on the way up and nurse him on the way down." And I'm thinking, "I bet he won't even do it on the plane." That isn't his source of comfort, so I think it is to keep that in mind once we go through the weaning process will help me, too. I don't know why I put so much pressure on all of it. When I was down with Stephanie, her husband, was kind of overhearing us and I'm really close with him, too. He was like, "So why don't you just stop?" (both chuckle) He kind of knew he was being funny. I was like, "I don't know. I know I would tell someone else to let go," like I would tell Stephanie if she were telling me these stories, but it's just hard. [00:18:00]

THERAPIST: It's been very meaningful for you.

CLIENT: Yeah, and especially now when we're so close to where he doesn't really need the milk anyway. I think that's what I've been thinking a lot about, thinking more, "I could just wean him now," but it's weird to me to think that if my body can still produce the milk that he still needs for another month, why would I stop now? I feel like if I'm lucky enough to still be producing the milk, if I can try and just keep getting there.

THERAPIST: But you'll produce milk for as long as you pump or nurse. Your body is never going to say "you're done." If you nurse until he were five you would still produce milk, so does he need breast milk now? Not necessarily. He's gotten so much of the immunity and all of the "special" things that are in breast milk already. [00:18:58] You've done such a good job providing him with that. I don't think there's really something magic about nine months or a year, two years. It's really is it working for you guys? And you're on the edge of that. Sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. It really is what is it worth to you? Most likely you haven't had real supply issues, so most likely if you keep pumping or nursing that isn't going to turn off in a year, either.

CLIENT: Our pediatrician was saying that he should still get that or formula until a year.

THERAPIST: That's just a number that the American Academy of Pediatrics picks, right? (chuckles) They could pick something else.

CLIENT: That's what we were joking about. I was like, they could say until eleven months. It wouldn't matter.

THERAPIST: When my kids were little you rear-faced until one; now you rear-face until two. They just changed that date one day.

CLIENT: I know. It's crazy. [00:19:56]

THERAPIST: There is always a like in the sand that you have to pick, and this is the one. Nothing magical changes about Trae or you when he turns one year old. I remember with one of my kids I had to go on antibiotics when one of my kids was like eleven months old or three weeks away from turning one and I was like, "Ohh. What am I doing? What's worse? Is it the antibiotics or what do I do?" She was like, "You can start cow's milk. It's three weeks. Nothing is going to really change. If you want to introduce cow's milk now and pump and dump for a while, you can. You can go back to it, whatever. There's nothing super-duper magical about this particular birthday."

CLIENT: It seems like this switch gets flipped.

THERAPIST: Yeah, and you've created this goal for yourself. It's a milestone.

CLIENT: I think it is nice to know that I almost forgot until I talked to Stephanie again that, before you think it's primarily breast milk that they need their nutrition from. It's just the solid foods that are like the bonus. But now, because he's so close, that's really not the case, so I think that's going to take the pressure off. [00:21:12]

THERAPIST: Right, because you're always making the transition to that, right? For sure, when you first start and it's really all about just introducing them to texture; of course at some point, in every kid's life they're getting the majority of their nutrients from solid foods and milk is milk. It's just another piece of the equation. When he makes that transition it's not going to be exactly the same for every kid, and it doesn't need to be.

CLIENT: Right. I just need to keep this frame of mind. (laughs) I feel like now I'm tired of getting so emotional about it, too. I know Todd is really tired about it, and still being so good to me about it all. It's almost like enough is enough. I need to just kind of let go and see what happens and trust him, too, that he knows how much he needs. [00:22:03] I feel like I'm not really listening to him or trusting him. I feel like I have this idea in my head of how much he needs. I think he's just trying to tell me otherwise and I've been not listening to him. I hope that I can keep this frame of mind instead of getting back to being so worried about it.

THERAPIST: It seems like the next step for you is to back off a little bit on extra pumping sessions and to notice how he responds to that. Give yourself some flexibility and let yourself be guided a bit by what he's trying to tell you.

CLIENT: Yeah, so we'll see.

THERAPIST: I hope it will be easier than you're anticipating on both of you.

CLIENT: I know. I hope so, too. I feel like that's what has been encompassing everything.

THERAPIST: It's been consuming so much of your space. [00:22:59]

CLIENT: Yeah. Otherwise, it does feel nice with school that hasn't been so busy yet, but there's enough to kind of keep me excited about what's going on. I've been doing a side project for work that's due on Friday. I kept e-mailing them needing a deadline and I hadn't heard anything. I was assuming it was mid-February or something; and all of a sudden they e-mailed me back. At first that got me a little nervous and I was wondering if I'd be able to get all of it done. It's kind of nice because now I do have the time during the day. I'm not taking classes besides the one that that I am at TF4 (ph?), so I do think I'll have time to meet that deadline, so it's kind of nice to know. At least I have the deadline. I was just putting it off before. I'm not used to being able to manage things. I don't feel like I have an unmanageable amount of work right now, which feels really good. I know it will get really busy once I can finally start going to the school to collect data, so I feel like I want to just take advantage of this. [00:24:08]

THERAPIST: You've got time before that starts.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Do you have a date for that?

CLIENT: I'm just going on the IRB and I need to go through. The goal is either the very end of March or starting at the very beginning of April. My fingers are crossed that that will really happen.

THERAPIST: You've got some time to adjust to a manageable schedule.

CLIENT: Yeah, which just feels weird.

THERAPIST: I know last semester it really felt like a race every week to get done everything you could possibly get done, and a lot of times you kind of felt like you were just scraping by, just holding it together.

CLIENT: Yeah, definitely. I was talking to one of my friends, though, in my program and she's now taking classes for the first time this semester, too, and she was saying, "Does it feel weird to you?" She felt the same way. It's just different, and to have everyone else buzzing around on campus, because the majority of students there are master students who are all taking classes this semester. That's kind of funny, too. [00:25:09]

THERAPIST: Everyone else is getting ramped up, shopping a million classes.

CLIENT: Exactly. I think it's just nice. I felt like I wasn't ready to take on more classes. I think it came at the right moment.

THERAPIST: You didn't need to.

CLIENT: I only have half a course left, so I'll take that at some point, but to just take a breather from the classes feels nice.

THERAPIST: You've earned it.

CLIENT: Yeah. It feels good. (laughs) I haven't really felt those worries about things I shouldn't worry about. I haven't really felt that creeping in; I think just because I've been so busy. Every once in a while something will catch my attention, like "should I need to be worried about this" or thinking about something I could have done differently, but I think I have that answer and just not thinking about it anymore. [00:26:09]

THERAPIST: The answer is always no, you don't need to be worried about it. Worrying doesn't really usually do much good.

CLIENT: I know. The couple of times I have been, I've had responses that were telling me no, you don't need to like I just met a friend last night with Trae and she has a little girl that's two days older than Trae, so we've been hanging out a lot. We left and I felt like I was talking about myself the whole time. She's so good; she's always asking questions and when I left I was like, "I feel awful. I don't even think I asked her..." She has a trip coming up and I didn't even ask her some of these questions, and so I was walking home thinking like, "I don't know." I just felt funny, like I should have asked more about what was going on with her. I got home and maybe an hour later she texted me and said, ‘I feel awful. I didn't even ask you how breast feeding was going, and I know you've been so worried about that." So I was like that's my sign that I don't need to worry about that. It was almost the opposite of what I was worried about. [00:27:16]

THERAPIST: Your perspective is so different than her perspective, coming away from the night.

CLIENT: So that was kind of like a nice reminder to me, too, that if I am worried there was a very concrete sign that she interpreted it totally opposite; so that was good.

THERAPIST: And had you not stopped and wondered if you had paid enough attention to her, what would you have come away from the night feeling?

CLIENT: If I didn't worry? It just was fun to meet up with her and we had a nice time.

THERAPIST: You'd have stuck with that feeling of having had a fun night with a friend.

CLIENT: Exactly, yeah. So that was a good reminder. Even when I was here last week, when I was home I felt so badly that I had knocked on the door and interrupted your time with the person before me. [00:28:09] Just because I was worried that you didn't realize that I was here and was just waiting for me, but when I got home because this is such a private space and I just felt badly for the person who was in here. I would be fine if someone knocked on the door right now, but I don't know how someone else would. I was thinking a lot about that that night, thinking that maybe I shouldn't have knocked. Did I interrupt a private time? But then I thought again that if it was really a problem, wouldn't your therapist have said, "Next time if you're worried, I'll come out and get you." I think I can rely on you that you would have given me a sign that maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. I don't know. I let that get worried a little bit, too, but then I was just able to let that go, too. [00:28:55]

THERAPIST: Good. I'm glad. It's interesting because an alternate perspective is that one thing is, yes, had there been a really big problem with it I would have said or I also could say, "Could you wait a minute? We're just finishing up." The other thing is it's kind of like the third neutral option that it was an awkward and unusual situation. I had actually written down the wrong time for our session. You were running late, which is hardly ever like you. The client I had before was running over. It was just an awkward situation all around. It was an unusual situation. Usually things run a lot smoother. No big deal, and allowing yourself that option, too. You can usually count on me or the other person in the situation to give you feedback or you can chalk it up to it being atypical and no one was harmed. [00:30:03]

CLIENT: So that feels better that a couple little things have come up.

THERAPIST: That you have been able to let go. It seems like that's a really big difference from where you were a year and a half ago. And that's stuck because I know when we were first working together and you felt like there was a difference between the anxieties that you carried around with you and where you were at that moment. It felt like a relief but you weren't sure whether this was just an abnormal blip that I'm able to let go of it. But now it seems like these are skills that have really become somewhat ingrained, that you're able to notice these things and tell yourself that you can let them go and let them go. Or you can notice that there's a change in sleeping and have one bad night, and it's not a pattern. I think you've maintained some of these differences for a long time now. [00:30:58]

CLIENT: And it feels good to maintain that, but I do feel like it's so close, it's so "there" my worry of will I not be able to maintain it? It's right at the...

THERAPIST: You still don't quite trust yourself that this is now baseline for you.

CLIENT: Yeah. I think because it's so nice to have that and to look back on when I wasn't able to do that. I just don't want to get back to that point again, so it's like...

THERAPIST: So our next step is "how can you acknowledge that this is where you are without fearing that it's not going to be where you are?" with reliability. That is what we'll work towards finding a way that you can trust it, that it's going to stick around. I do want to save some time for relaxation. Is there anything else that we should catch up on or talk about today?

CLIENT: I think that was everything. (chuckles) Yeah.

THERAPIST: Okay. So I know we're going to meet in two weeks, correct? [00:32:02]

CLIENT: The only thing is let me look because I think that's when we're actually going to Arizona to visit Todd's parents. It's kind of like I forgot we're even going and, all of a sudden, now it's like oh, wow. I think we'll be there then.

THERAPIST: That week is the President's Day week, I think.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: I had you for the 19th.

CLIENT: Yeah. We will be there on the 19th. We're leaving on the 17th and staying for a week.

THERAPIST: You could come back next week if you want. I have a 4:20 on Tuesday or it looks like I might have a 10:30 on Tuesday, the 26th; or on Monday, the 25th, I have a 2:30.

CLIENT: Tuesday, the 26th is probably better because I'm home with Trae on Mondays. [00:33:04]

THERAPIST: That day I actually have either a 10:30 or a 4:20.

CLIENT: I wonder what would be better for my mom?

THERAPIST: Ooh no, sorry. I was going to offer you something else, but that doesn't actually exist. Sorry.

CLIENT: Let's say 10:30, but I'll just check my mom is with him today, too and make sure because she usually gets down here around that time, so just to make sure she can get here a little earlier.

THERAPIST: I can always give you that ten-minute slide. I could do 10:40 until 11...

CLIENT: That would probably be better, 10:40.

THERAPIST: Because I usually have ten minutes between sessions, so I can just put it on the other end.

CLIENT: Oh, good. Yeah, that would probably work.

THERAPIST: Then we were going to meet March 5th at 2:30. Do you want to keep that? And then March 19th?

CLIENT: Yeah. That way then we can just stay. [00:34:02]

THERAPIST: Get back on. Let's give you some time to do some deep breathing. Oh, let's do coping, too unless you already had that?

CLIENT: I've already got that. Thanks. (pause)

THERAPIST: So let yourself get comfortable. Close your eyes. Just take one big, deep cleansing breath and then let yourself find a rhythm, a natural pattern for your breathing that feels full and deep, but not forced. (pause) And as you fall into that pattern of deep breathing, let yourself mentally scan your body, taking notice of any place that you're holding tension, any place that feels tight or uncomfortable. [00:35:15] Think about taking a deep breath into that spot and then, as you exhale, let that tension go, letting it drain away, relaxing your body. (pause) In your next deep breath, notice what your thoughts are, what you're holding in your head. Acknowledge your thoughts and then let them go as you exhale, allowing your mind to be present in the moment. Anything important can come back to you when you need it. [00:36:08] Using your breath as a guide, whenever you're ready to inhale, squeeze your eyes tightly shut, noticing where that brings tension to your face. When you're ready to exhale, you relax your eyes, letting them stay gently closed; repeating that by squeezing your eyes tightly shut as you inhale and letting go of that when you exhale. In the next breath in you're going to squeeze your teeth tightly together, clenching your jaw, and relaxing that by dropping your jaw, letting your teeth come apart as you exhale, repeating by clenching your teeth as you inhale and dropping your jaw as you exhale. [00:37:12] On your next breath in you're going to drop your chin toward your chest, exhaling and letting your head float up to a neutral position, letting the tension drain out of your neck. Inhale, bowing your head forward. Exhale, letting it float up. Inhaling, letting your head drop to one side. Exhaling, letting it float up to the center. Inhale, dropping it over to the other side gently. Exhale, letting your head float up; letting all of that tension drain down away from your neck. Inhale and shrug your shoulders up whenever you're ready. [00:38:06] When you're ready to exhale, let them drop all of the way down. Inhale, shrugging your shoulders up towards your ears. Exhale, letting them drop down. Inhale, squeezing your hands into a tight fist, noticing where this brings tension. Exhale and let it all go. When you next inhale, repeating that tight fist. Exhale and release. Inhale and bend those elbows, bringing your hands towards your shoulders, noticing where this brings tension to your body. When you're ready to exhale, let it all go. Inhale, bending your arms. Exhale and release. [00:39:01] Inhale and pull your belly button in towards your spine. Exhale, releasing and taking a full, deep breath, letting your belly be soft. Whenever you're ready to inhale, pull that belly button in tightly, noticing tension in your core; exhaling, relaxing, letting yourself feel relaxed. On the next breath in, you squeeze your knees tightly together, noticing where this brings tension to your inner things. As you exhale, relax your legs. Let your knees come apart. Inhale and squeeze those knees. Exhale and release. On the next breath in you're going to straighten your legs, lifting your feet up off the floor, noticing where this brings tension to your hips and your thighs. [00:40:04] And as you're ready to exhale, let your legs fall down. Let the tension release. Inhale, straighten and lift; and as you exhale let your legs fall all the way down. On the next breath in you're going to flex your feet, pulling your toes back up off the floor, noticing where this brings tension to your lower legs. When you're ready for your next exhale, let your feet fall and let your ankles relax. Inhale and flex. Exhale and release. Inhale and point your feet, pressing those toes tightly into the floor. Notice where this brings tension to the back of your legs. And when you're ready to exhale, let your heels drop down. Let your legs relax, repeating that process pointing your toes down to the floor. Exhale and release. [00:41:06] On your next breath in you're going to scan your body again, noticing any place where tension has crept back in or refused to leave. As you exhale, let the tension go. Let your body relax just a bit more.

You can repeat that process as many times as you need to, using your breath to scan your body, using your exhales to let it go, (pause) allowing yourself also to acknowledge the thoughts that have crept into your head acknowledge them without any judgment. Say hello to them, and then let them go, allowing yourself to be present in this moment, noticing what's going on around you, letting go of any thoughts about the past or the future. [00:42:10] Working at your own pace, breathing comfortably, allowing yourself to memorize what it feels like to be relaxed. Let yourself hang onto that feeling, carrying it back to the room with you, letting yourself come back whenever you're ready. I will see you in a couple of weeks.

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