TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO FILE:
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
THERAPIST: Sometimes it works better.
CLIENT: I know, yes. I have been lucky. I always feel like I have bad luck with buses and the train and everything but it's actually been kind of nice that I go over to school, so it's just the bus the whole time.
THERAPIST: Yes, the bus line is a little bit more [inaudible at 00:00:13]'
CLIENT: So it's kind of at first I was oh, I almost wish I could just drive or something. It's going to be so much wasted time on the bus but I feel like it's been kind of nice to just organize my thoughts beforehand and [inaudible at 00:00:26]
THERAPIST: Yes, you can use that time. I mean you can't be reading if you're driving.
CLIENT: Yes, so it's fine, it's better than I expected.
THERAPIST: Yes, well I'm glad for that.
CLIENT: Yes. Anyway, now I'm in this is, I just started my fifth week of data collection. So it's really moving by quickly. It still feels like a lot. It's just so busy.
THERAPIST: You always keep compiling more and more stuff.
CLIENT: And it's going to be more and more, yes. But at least I feel like now we're into more of a little bit of a routine and the students know me and I kind of get how the classroom works a little bit better, so that's been feeling a little more manageable I think.
THERAPIST: That's good.
CLIENT: And then we had our last week of classes last week so the class that I'm a teaching assistant for that's over. We still have finals to grade and stuff so I've been just supporting I support two teams of students so working with them but that's kind of nice to have.
THERAPIST: Have that class over.
CLIENT: Yes because it was a lot of work.
THERAPIST: And things are ticking off.
CLIENT: Yes. And it's kind of nice ticking off to mean actually being able to just focus on my own stuff, which is kind of nice. I feel like I've always had to balance in the past with other stuff. So I think that would be good. But I still just need to get through just grading their finals and then the end. But it's such a nice feeling not to be in that finals mode myself. I had a meeting with one of my committee members yesterday so I was in the library and I didn't even think about it, I just wanted to get a little bit of work done and then I was going to go eat with him.
THERAPIST: It was packed.
CLIENT: I couldn't even find a space, yes. I had to wait for one girl to pack up her things and move. It was like waiting for a parking space. And it just reminded me to be so thankful that now I'm not in that -
THERAPIST: You're not parked in the library. [00:02:17]
CLIENT: Yes. It was such a -
THERAPIST: In the morning until 1:00 at night?
CLIENT: Yes. It always would be such a stressful time and then thinking about finals last semester and trying to manage with Trae and not wanting be away more from him. It was just hard to balance it all so that was kind of like a nice reminder to me of oh, even though things feel a little hectic with data collection and everything -
THERAPIST: It's a different kind of hectic.
CLIENT: Yes and much nicer so that was kind of a nice reminder of it. That part is done. And kind of nice to feel that I've finished with that part, with the course work part. I think I still have half a course to take so I'll take one more class at some point but it was really nice to just have that.
THERAPIST: It won't ever again be that sort of juggling a bunch of classes.
CLIENT: Yes, yes. I know I walked out of the library and said oh, I'm so glad that's not me right now. So that felt good. And I think now we're just going to finals are due, I think the one that we assigned is due at the end of this week and then I'll have next week to be grading them and then we'll have our finals meeting. And I was even thinking about that because that has always kind of stirred up some anxiety for me too, just with grading students.
THERAPIST: Yes, I remember you feeling really concerned that were you grading sort of on the same template that somebody else was grading and trying to be fair.
CLIENT: Right. And so we actually encouraged we did kind of an experiment this year with the class and encouraged most students to take it pass/fail because we wanted to kind of see what not having the pressure of a grade would do in terms of allowing them to take risks and kind of challenge themselves and things like that. So I think the majority of students just took it pass/fail, so that's actually [00:04:04]
THERAPIST: When you're grading you don't know that though?
CLIENT: No, which is kind of weird. I wish that we knew ahead of time but I guess that's better that it makes us more objective anyway. But I think that will make grading a lot easier too, that I -
THERAPIST: Because the difference between an A and an A-minus you don't have to be quite as concerned with.
CLIENT: Right, yes. And I would always get so concerned over that and I think I think I would place myself in the shoes of the students too much.
THERAPIST: Right because to a lot of students that makes a really big deal.
CLIENT: Yes, and it does as me as a student I think it would have made a big deal to me. But then as the teacher, on the other side -
THERAPIST: It really is good.
CLIENT: Right. It makes no difference to me. And grades I feel like are something that played too much of an important role in my life as a student but to a as a teacher I would just do away with grades. I wouldn't want that at all. I would just care about my students making progress and feeling like they developed. So I think it's funny that it's two sides of me, like a teacher self and a student self that don't quite match up.
THERAPIST: Well it's interesting because as a student important of the grade, it seems like it's about being approved of. You want the teacher to give you some kind of approval and you had set on a standard as to what that was. And I don't know what it was for you but if there's some line in your head where you got that grade then you weren't seen as doing a good job and that's what you really wanted. And as a teacher it sounds like you think about growth rather than someone standard that you want everyone to meet.
CLIENT: Yes, definitely. So I think that that will make this round of grading go a little bit easier to I know there are some students we'll actually have to give letter grades to but I think that the majority of them it will just be much easier. We have no students who are at risk of failing the class so I think it will be a lot nicer. We can just focus on giving feedback on their final projects as opposed to them having to figure out a letter grade.
THERAPIST: As according to [00:06:11]
CLIENT: Yes. And I always wondered too if that stress that I felt around grading was it was my finals, my own finals, were done so then I just kind of moved the stress onto something else.
THERAPIST: To something else, right.
CLIENT: And now that I don't have -
THERAPIST: So where is the stress now? [00:06:26]
CLIENT: I know. I mean right now I feel like I've been feeling pretty good, like the past two weeks.
THERAPIST: Ah so you don't have to have -
CLIENT: Yes. It's been nice. I've noticed myself doing picking up on little things to feel worried about and knowing that I don't need to. And the same kinds of things, I forget the term you used last time, but being extra vigilant or something was what you were saying, and I caught myself. I guess it was two weekends ago and Todd and I and Trae met our friends, one of my friends from the mom's group that I went to, her husband and their little daughter. The six of us were in the park. And we were all, we were there actually for a really long time and the babies were getting kind of antsy and we were ready to kind of get going, and I ran into a friend from school who was definitely a talker and doesn't always pick up on the social cues that you need to leave. And so she stayed for kind of a while and I was trying to drop hints like oh I think they're getting tired and we kind of need to go. But she stayed for kind of a while and I almost felt like it was just an awkward situation, especially because we don't know she's a new friend my mom friend.
So then when she finally did leave, I said something like oh sometimes I see her at school and if I'm on my way to class I have to pretend like I don't see her. I'll say stop talking to her. I've ran into her in the bathroom one time and we were in the bathroom for 15 minutes. And then all of the sudden after I said that instantly I said oh I wish I hadn't did I just say something negative about her. And I almost felt like thinking about it after I I think I said something negative about her because I think I was feeling awkward and embarrassed kind of and I wanted to let my other friend know that. [00:08:16]
THERAPIST: And that you recognized it.
CLIENT: Yes. But then I just felt kind of badly about it. And then I was thinking oh imagine I said that as she was leaving the park. Imagine if she ever heard me say that. And I knew she would have never heard me and we were outside anyway. So it was kind of like this unsettled feeling that I had after that, just kind of feeling badly that I said that. And I think part of it was I was a little embarrassed so I kind of felt like I had to say that -
THERAPIST: To say something, right.
CLIENT: which wasn't -
THERAPIST: I wonder what you could have said that would've acknowledged the tension that you were feeling but wouldn't leave you regretting how you expressed the tension.
CLIENT: Yes. Yes. I know I think if I just said something more neutral like oh I know we were getting ready to go, sorry it took a little extra to leave, or something. I'm not quite sure what I would've said but I did feel like, I don't know I felt guilty about it after but not so guilty that it hung over me, that was late afternoon, and it wasn't something that caused me not to go to sleep or something. But it definitely was with me for a little while and I even did say something to Todd which then after like I should've just gotten rid of the anxiety myself. I should not have checked in with Todd.
THERAPIST: All this self-judgment.
CLIENT: I know. But I did say to Todd do you think I was mean when I said something about my friend from school? I said I feel kind of badly that I said that now. And he said don't worry about it. It was kind of annoying, like he so that made me feel -
THERAPIST: And it's okay. And so it's interesting he gave you permission that sometimes it's okay to feel annoyed.
CLIENT: Yes. Yes. But I felt like that was kind of a similar pattern of things that I've been worried about lately. It's just like -
THERAPIST: These sort of smaller things that -
CLIENT: Yes. [00:10:05]
THERAPIST: So it's interesting you can use it as feedback to yourself about what you want to verbalize without making it a judgment of yourself. So this is one of those situations where you said something impulsively to kind of acknowledge the tension that you felt, similarly to that time in class you said something at the end about a student that you were worried might get overheard and there was some sort of tension you were feeling at that time. So being able to acknowledge the tension is important and you can use sort of this feedback yourself, this feeling of ooh, I feel kind of badly about the way I acknowledged it, but you don't have to judge yourself for it. But it seems like what you really wanted to say was that felt a little bit awkward that we were getting ready to leave and my other friend can talk for a long time. And you might not have felt as badly about that but it would've had maybe that same effect of saying okay I noticed that our kids were antsy and we were getting ready to go but I also wanted to talk to this other person.
CLIENT: Yes and it was almost like as I was realizing that it was kind of awkward I almost was thinking to myself when she leaves don't say something you'll regret because I felt that need to kind of smooth it over. So it was funny that I almost anticipated that it might be something that -
THERAPIST: And it's hard for you to sit with that discomfort.
CLIENT: Yes.
THERAPIST: I wonder if you could have would it have been okay for you to, rather than wait for the interaction to be over, but actually to interrupt the interaction more it sounds like you were giving subtle hints that she wasn't going to, that she didn't pick up on. But could you have said our kids have really reached the limit; we need to leave. It's great to see but we really need to leave?
CLIENT: Yes. I know. Looking back on it I think I could've just been more proactive. It wasn't — but I think I also wasn't quite sure if they were ready to leave. Like we hadn't set out to leave together. [00:12:07]
THERAPIST: You were traveling together.
CLIENT: Yes, well we really didn't mean to do that either. So they could've just left there, I guess. But yes, I just felt like it was kind of a -
THERAPIST: Yes, those are tricky situations. I think when you have a group and you're trying to be careful of everybody's needs those are those can be tricky dynamics. And sometimes just the practice of being really straightforward gives you a freedom to not have to guess, allowing yourself to say to your other mom friend if you need to leave that's okay, or do you want to leave together? I mean just really making these things really explicit. Sometimes we err on the side of not wanting to be too straightforward but sometimes it really is refreshing. [00:12:53]
CLIENT: Yes, I know that's probably a good thing to do next, if that situation arises next time. But I did feel good that it wasn't something that kind of hung over me and I actually -
THERAPIST: Right, you were able to feel uncomfortable and let it go.
CLIENT: Right.
THERAPIST: As the bigger lesson because there's always going to be times when we're uncomfortable with something for one reason or the other. No matter how much practice or forethought or feedback we give to something.
CLIENT: Yes. And I actually just ran into this friend from school yesterday and I said hello during then I said oh I kind of forgot that I was all worried about this a week ago. So that felt good.
THERAPIST: Yes that you really were able to let it go. And not to have to have so much emphasis on one particular interaction or one particular thing you said or write gives you a lot more sort of ease.
CLIENT: Yes. And I'm noticing that too just with my interactions with the students in the class and everything too. Like making sure I think it's a little funny because it's not my own classroom so I don't quite know what all the standards are and the rules and things like that and how things I would react to in my own classroom might be different than how they'd react, so I feel like I'm extra, just aware of that and trying to listen to how they're responding to students to make sure that I'm doing it in the same way. So it's a funny I feel like it's kind of transferring over to that environment too, just making sure that I'm saying, interacting the right way with students according to their rules [00:14:36]
THERAPIST: According to their rules.
CLIENT: Right, the atmosphere that they kind of established. So it's kind of interesting.
THERAPIST: And what's it like for you if their rules don't sort of match up with what you had set up? How does that feel for you?
CLIENT: Yes, I mean I the other day, it was during recess so I feel like this wasn't so bad, but they were asking about Trae so I had my cell phone and was showing a picture of Trae. And then one of the girls went to get her cell phone to show me her case, because they were joking why don't you have a cool case on your iPhone? And then the teacher walked in and she said oh, we need to have cell phones away. So that, that wasn't something that made me anxious but I said oh I know, I was just showing a picture that was, she took it out to show me, to try and cover for the student so that she realized she wasn't just taking it out to check her messages or something. But little things like that, I think just making sure we're on the same page is hard to do too.
THERAPIST: Yes, right, and it's interesting because you're in this sort of in-between role. You're still obviously an adult and in authority but you're not a teacher.
CLIENT: Yes, I know, so it's just funny how like thinking how I would respond in my own classroom. One of the students, it was so funny, I had my shirt on and he pointed to my shirt to ask me he wanted to know if it was a polo. But he pointed and went right like that and I just ignored it -
THERAPIST: Because it wasn't intentional.
CLIENT: Not at all, but then after I thought would they have addressed that and said that's not appropriate to do that? But then I was that kind of was good for me too because I just thought in my own classroom as a teacher I would've let that go. He did not mean to point to me right there and that wasn't inappropriate because he didn't mean to do it.
THERAPIST: Right because his intention; he didn't mean to do it. [00:16:22]
CLIENT: But it was funny that that even crossed my mind, of oh should I have addressed that with him or should I have told them that that happened, if that's a pattern that he typically does or something?
THERAPIST: Right, what if he does yes. Not knowing if he's somebody that has accidents like that.
CLIENT: Exactly, yes. And so it hasn't happened again so I haven't been too worried. But I think kind of thinking back to my own classroom and how I would have reacted has helped because I can be more confident in that I was more confident in that situation and in this situation the classroom here -
THERAPIST: Knowing it's your own rules in your own place. I think it's very hard to sort of be the interloper.
CLIENT: Yes. But it is getting a little better now because I feel like I'm taking on -
THERAPIST: Well you a little bit more familiar. And you're more -
CLIENT: Yes, and I'm actually able to interact with them even more now because they are doing all this prep for the MCAT's math that's coming up next week so I've been helping out with that.
THERAPIST: There's girls on this staff having that test this week.
CLIENT: That's so funny. Oh, they're so I feel so badly for them. They're so stressed out about it. The teachers are too, but but that's been nice because that's totally separate, I'm not observing at all or videotaping during that and I can just help. So that's been kind of nice to feel like I can kind of give back to the teachers too who have been letting me observe. And then I think that's getting able to establish a little more in the classroom too that they see me also as someone who's serious (ph).
THERAPIST: Right. As someone who's helping them not just absorbing or evaluating or judging which can be a little bit intimidating.
CLIENT: Watching. [inaudible at 00:17:47] in person. Yes, so that's been nice too. But it has been I feel like when little things have crept up this week or the past two weeks so far I've been able to just brush them off which has felt better.
THERAPIST: Yes, it sounds like you're doing a great job of being able to let go with stuff and if anxieties are going to come up, I mean the goal isn't to never ever feel anxious again, but the goal is for the anxiety not to get in the way of being able to function and enjoy your life. And it sounds like that's kind of where you've been at. Yes there are stressful things but it's not overwhelming you in the way that it was. [00:18:27]
CLIENT: And it's funny that now when I feel that, I've caught myself thinking back to times when I was feeling overwhelmed by different worries. And I don't know why I've been doing that. It's almost like I'm testing myself, bringing up old worries -
THERAPIST: Comparing? Is that what you're doing when you think back or are you what's going on when you think back to those previous times?
CLIENT: I caught myself thinking back to at the end of my first year, and I think I told you this a while ago when I had myself convinced that I had cheated on that final, when I know that I did not cheat. And I think because of the time of the year that came up. And so yes I was thinking -
THERAPIST: Ah, so it was kind of an anniversary.
CLIENT: Yes. And I was thinking I wonder if I would've reacted that way now? And also thinking it's nice to look back on it and know that I didn't cheat, that was okay [inaudible at 00:19:21].
THERAPIST: You feel much more sure of yourself.
CLIENT: Yes, but there is a tiny piece of me that can almost identify with those feelings still and can still kind of see why that was so hard.
THERAPIST: So how did you get to that place back then? What made it what made you so scared that you had done something wrong? What made it so believable to you?
CLIENT: Yes, I think because it was just the end of such a stressful year that it was almost like the last straw.
THERAPIST: Yes you were pretty fragile.
CLIENT: Yes. And it's sad to think back on that time because it did feel like -
THERAPIST: Those are pretty [inaudible at 00:19:55].
CLIENT: Yes, in the midst of it it didn't feel that bad. I don't think I was thinking oh my gosh this is one of the hardest years I've ever had in my life. But looking back on it I can see that I just did. I felt like there were moments when I was totally overcome.
THERAPIST: If that wasn't the hardest year in your life what was?
CLIENT: It probably was actually, looking back on it now. But I don't think I was thinking that at the time.
THERAPIST: That at the time. And I wonder if that's because it got hard incrementally. You didn't get overwhelmed all at once but you found yourself feeling more insecure and feeling more overwhelmed bit by bit. And so by the time you kind of hit what was your rock bottom, it wasn't that much further from where you were the week before, the week before, the week before. So you might not have noticed so much how far you had gotten from where your typical baseline is. [00:20:50]
CLIENT: Yes. Yes and it just -
THERAPIST: You lose perspective.
CLIENT: Yes. I think that's what it was. It was the end of the year and the final was from a course that had just totally overwhelmed me, the second half of a course. So I think just that mix of everything it was just kind of the last straw. And then I think because that marked the end of the semester and the end of finals and of that whole class, that it was almost like I needed to find something to worry about because it was over and it worried me for so long.
THERAPIST: And you didn't at that point you didn't really know how to exist without a worry focus.
CLIENT: Yes. And I think it's funny to look back on that time as when all these little anxiety things popped up. I think I was always an anxious person before then but I feel like I can mark it with that year of when these little worries started popping up.
THERAPIST: Starting popping out of control.
CLIENT: Yes, yes. I don't think I was worry-free before then, certainly not. But it was the things that -
THERAPIST: What did you worry about then, before that year?
CLIENT: I think I would let myself get worried about schoolwork and then the year before I was working so I would let myself get stressed out. But it was more like stress, it didn't feel like that actual anxiety and I never had trouble sleeping before that year. So it's nice now to know I've definitely moved beyond that but it still feels so fresh. [00:22:28] THERAPIST: You still know what it yes.
CLIENT: Yes, which is weird. And so even now, on my way here, even yesterday thinking about our appointment I was saying so what are the things I need to bring up? What would be good to talk about? And I feel like things are so much better but I still get so I don't know. I feel like it's so not sturdy yet, I keep thinking back to those times when I just felt awful.
THERAPIST: You're not sure that that's not going to come back.
CLIENT: Yes. And so I think the more times I have of being a better off [inaudible] yes.
THERAPIST: Being able to put them away on your own.
CLIENT: Yes.
THERAPIST: I mean as you talk about it, it makes me think of you know what someone must feel like if they were in remission from cancer, that they feel good but there's still this feeling like they can't quite trust that it's not going to come back. And learning to trust where you are and be in the moment and not necessarily let worries about what might happen next interfere with what could happen now. It's an active process of allowing yourself to trust and I think that's kind of where you are, sort of pushing yourself, challenging yourself to take an active process and trusting where you are.
And the idea of being present-centered, rather than reviewing the past or anticipating the future, is something that's run through a lot of your work and I think the idea of trusting where you are is an offshoot of that. You can't trust where you are if you're not there. If you're not allowing yourself to be in the present, it's really hard to trust the present. So I think continuing to do that, to pull your focus to where am I right now and I am okay right now and I'm competent to handle what's here will kind of allow you to feel more secure that you are handling right now and you're okay. [00:24:32]
CLIENT: Yes, because I even have been catching myself thinking to the summer and thinking because I'll only have my writing to do really, which feels really nice that it'll just be one thing, but also thinking about I hope that's not going to be a stress on time and am I going to feel torn with I think it's a different way to kind of envision the summer too because I've always been on a school cycle for the most part so usually summer is the down time, the more carefree time where it feels like -
THERAPIST: So it will be less structure but you will have an important task.
CLIENT: Yes, yes. So just kind of looking forward to that too I just want to make sure that I keep -
THERAPIST: Yes, so it's certainly necessary and perfectly okay to look ahead and plan and to envision the summer and what it might look like. You can do that without skipping over to and what might be worrisome about it, like looking for where it might be problematic because I don't know that that gets I don't know how much benefit you have from imagining the downfalls. Although there's definitely some benefit to planning and fantasizing and daydreaming about nice things that might happen over the summer; there's benefits to that. So allowing yourself to do that and then come back without circling around to the what ifs.
CLIENT: Yes. And I feel like I have been trying to be better about that and there's some planning I can do ahead of time just in terms of setting deadlines I think will be helpful because now it is so self-directed. But yes, I think to make sure we have some good things to look forward to would be fun and -
THERAPIST: Yes, to make sure that you actually have a summer.
CLIENT: I know, yes. And Todd has been saying that we have to try hard to at least do an overnight away from Trae, so we'll see. I feel like that would be a good thing for me to try over the summer too. Then I'll feel ready by then and my mom has already been recruited. She thinks it's a good idea too. And it will be easy to leave him with her.
THERAPIST: And how is the weaning going? I know you were in the process when I saw you last. [00:26:43]
CLIENT: Yes, still just in the process, which I think is so funny that now he's still has been wanting to nurse so we're still doing morning and night. But I almost feel like I don't have a lot of milk left at all so I almost wonder if we're just in the routine of it; I don't really know how much he's actually getting. So we'll see. I think eventually I'll just get him down to one before bedtime.
THERAPIST: But it sounds like you're really right now it's pretty relaxed, so, if it's working for him and it's working for you there's no pressure to change it.
CLIENT: Yes, it's felt really nice. And it's funny because last night was the first night in over a month probably that I had a little trouble. I think he was so over-tired that he was just crying and he really didn't want to nurse at all.
THERAPIST: So you can skip it one night.
CLIENT: Yes, and I felt myself not wanting to skip it, to kind of falling back into the old I want to make sure this goes okay. But then I just thought yes, it's okay if he doesn't want to nurse and yes.
THERAPIST: It doesn't have to be all or nothing, right, like it doesn't have to be nurse every night or you don't nurse. It can be you nurse on Friday, he's not really into it on Saturday but Sunday he might want to. And sort of giving yourself that flexibility because he is obviously getting enough nutrition from other things; you're not his main nutritional source anymore and it can be about comfort. And so if it's not comforting, it doesn't mean it's not going to be comforting tomorrow, but it's not working right now. So kind of really letting yourself have that flexibility and letting him have flexibility; he can go back to it or not. [00:28:15]
CLIENT: Yes. I know. I think not having it be the main source, and it hasn't really been the main source of nutrition for a while, since he started solid foods. But now he's eating so much that it's just nice to have that pressure off and just let him eat.
THERAPIST: And it allows it to be something different.
CLIENT: Yes, yes. So that's been it's just been a nice way to end it all.
THERAPIST: Yes, absolutely. I'm really glad that you have this time where it's free from some of those pressures. I know it was challenging for you.
CLIENT: I know, so hopefully we'll just see how long he wants to go. And I'm sure I won't be ready when he is but that's okay because at least we ended on a good stretch I think which will be good.
THERAPIST: Yes, you may find that it's more mutual than you imagine.
CLIENT: Yes, I wonder. I know because I was talking with some of my friends and they were saying you know I held on to the nighttime for a while and then just felt like it was ready. So it's been nice. It hasn't been this dramatic -
THERAPIST: It doesn't have to be.
CLIENT: oh my God we're weaning, and this is so emotional. It's been kind of nice. It's been so gradual.
THERAPIST: Like being able to have a long goodbye.
CLIENT: Yes, I know. It's definitely a long goodbye but that's good.
THERAPIST: Yes, but that's okay. There's no particular way it has to look. Anything else we should catch up on or think about?
CLIENT: I think that's everything that I was -
THERAPIST: Save some time to do a little deep breathing and meditation.
CLIENT: Yes, that sounds good.
THERAPIST: Let's plan for next time and then we'll do that.
CLIENT: And this time is working.
THERAPIST: Okay. So did you want to shoot for two weeks again?
CLIENT: Yes, that sounds good.
THERAPIST: So that puts us on the 21st.
CLIENT: Okay.
THERAPIST: And this was 3:30, right?
CLIENT: Yes. [00:29:58]
THERAPIST: And then you just owe $25 for today. Thank you. All right, so let yourself get comfortable. Start to find a rhythm of breathing that feels relaxed, natural, taking comfortable inhales and exhales without forcing it. And just give yourself a moment to tune into that and notice what your breathing feels like. Maybe taking a moment to tune into what you're noticing in the present moment, noticing what your body feels like, noticing how your body feels in the chair, the sounds you hear in the moment, just practicing being right here, right now. As you breathe you may want to scan your body, taking notice of any place that feels tense, tight or uncomfortable. Maybe also noticing spaces that feel really relaxed, noticing where you allow yourself to be relaxed and where you hold tension. [00:32:03]
With your next breath in think about breathing into those spots where you've held tension and as you get ready to exhale think about relaxing those spaces, allowing relaxation to flow into them. You can repeat that process as many times as you want to, using your breath to help you to be aware of where you feel comfortable and where you feel tense, allowing the tension to drain away with your breath. You're working at your own pace and now you're ready to inhale. Squeeze your eyes tightly shut, noticing how that changes the tension in your face. And when you're ready to exhale relax your eyes letting them stay gently closed, noticing how that feels different. Inhale and squeeze your eyes tightly shut; exhale and release.
The next breath in you're going to clench your jaw, squeezing your teeth tightly together and noticing how that changes the tension in your jaw. And when you're ready to exhale you're going to drop your jaw letting your teeth come slightly apart, noticing the relaxation spread. Inhale and clench; exhale and release. On your next breath in, let your chin come down towards your chest, noticing what that feels like on your neck and your throat. And then as you exhale let your head float up to a neutral position. Inhale bowing your head forward; exhaling letting your head float up. [00:34:21]
The next breath in you're going to drop one ear towards that same shoulder, noticing how that feels on your neck, then exhaling letting your head float up to center. Inhaling, slowly dropping your head the other direction; exhale letting it float up to center. On your next breath in you're going to shrug your shoulders up towards your ears, noticing what that feels like in your shoulders and your back. As you exhale let them drop all the way down. Inhale shrugging them up; exhale letting them drop down. Inhale bending your arms letting your hands come towards your shoulders noticing the tension in your biceps. And when you're ready to exhale letting your hand fall all the way down relaxing your arms. Inhale bend; exhale and relax.
On your next breath in, you can squeeze your hands into tight fists, noticing the tension in your fingers and forearms. Exhale and release. Inhale and squeeze those fists; exhale and relax, letting the tension go, letting relaxation spread down your arms and your hands. On your next breath in you can tighten you abdominal wall sucking your belly button towards your spine. Exhale and release, letting your belly be soft, taking a full deep breath in and out. Again inhaling and squeezing; exhale and release letting your core relax. [00:36:14]
On your next breath in you're going to squeeze your knees tightly together, noticing the tension this brings to your inner thighs. As you exhale let your legs come comfortably apart. Inhale and squeeze; exhale and release. On your next breath in you can straighten your legs, lifting your feet up off the floor, noticing again the tension in your thighs. And when you're ready to exhale let your feet drop all the way down, letting the floor absorb the weight of your legs. Inhale and lift; exhale and drop. On your next breath in you can flex your feet pulling your toes back towards you, noticing where this brings tension to your ankles and shins. And as you exhale let your feet relax. Inhale and flex; exhale and release.
On the next breath in you're going to reverse that by pointing your toes down towards the floor, noticing tension in your ankles and calves. And as you exhale release, letting your heels drop back down. Inhale and point; exhale and release. Again doing that mental scan of your whole body from the tips of your toes, up through your legs to the top of your head, noticing places the tension has refused to leave. Notice the places that feel really relaxed. Using your breath let your whole body relax, again taking a moment to be in tune with what's going on in the present, what your body feels like in the moment, what your body hears in the moment. Acknowledging thoughts in the moment and letting them go. [00:38:30]
Taking a few breaths to memorize what it feels like to be relaxed and present, maybe attaching an image or a word to it, something you can return back to any time you want to. Take a few more deep breaths memorizing this feeling and then at your own pace, allow yourself to bring this relaxation back to the room with you. Take them with you and I'll see you in a couple weeks.
CLIENT: Good. Thank you.
THERAPIST: You're very welcome. [00:39:20]
END TRANSCRIPT
